Funeral day

I've had two funerals this year. Both from my mom's side of the family. Not the way I want to spend my Monday, but alas it's here. I love the aspect of getting to see family whom I don't normally get to see regularly but do not love the whole funeral thing. I like to remember someone when they were living, a happy moment or cherished memory with them. A former co-worker who has cancer (it's riddled through her body) son called us at work last week, hospice has been called in...the verdict, less than two weeks. Well two weeks would be christmas day. This particularly wonderful woman is a tough lady, a real fighter who has been fighting, bone, breast and lung cancer and now it's in her brain! Sometimes I don't understand the reasons behind why some get and some don't.

Yesterday was a full and fabulous day. My oldest son spent the whole day with us, he took us to see The Day the Earth Stood Still, alot better than the trailers and I really enjoyed the movie! Then out to lunch and a little shopping at the mall. I bought him black dress pants, black shirt and red tie, he is taking his gf out to dinner for Christmas. I think he is a very special person, very sweet and considerate and a true romantic...she is one lucky girl. He bought her a beautiful bracelet and necklace yesterday too, silver with tiny heart pendant and also the heart pendant on the bracelet too. It's beautiful, she will love it!

Last night I met up with some friends to enjoy some football, end of a great Ravens/Pittsburgh game and the beginning of the Giants/Dallas game. Tonight is Eagles....lots of great things going on in life!!

Sundays

The oldest is taking us to the movies and I did manage to sleep in a bit more than yesterday. Still a little raw on the side but overall feeling better. 1/2 of the front lawn lights decided they don't want to work anymore either! LOL

Warming up a bit today to...i think I heard 50 maybe....rain the rest of the week though, not good for the soreness that is still here...

It's football day too....not sure if I will get to watch much though...

enjoy!

Added some new pics

to the bottom of the blog....So if you don't usually scroll down....please do and enjoy! I had a bad night of sleep. Been up forever and was fooling around with my pics. I'm really sore again today and I'm sure I'll be napping later. But for now, pics.....

Took another pain pill this a.m. along with the third cup of coffee...yes it's only 5:24 a.m. and I am wide awake!! I wish I had this energy on the work days! lol

Back to playing around with more pics and such!!

What a trying day

I am still hurting...my side especially. The wrist seems ok but the side..owie still

I am sure to have black and blue marks soon, a couple of shots of Jack tonight and all will be well! lol I can't worry about this, but damn I wish I were in my honey's house right now soaking in his whirlpool tub!!

So we are trying to create a great Christmas scene at home...I found this...



but we ended up with this....


and this....


and I am very pleased with it all.

I can't wait to finish Christmas shopping, of course like all those who are waiting for the last minute, yes I will be joining you once again this year as I just worked out the finances to allow me to shop next weekend...so yes, Virginia (or shall I say David and Nick) there is a Santa Claus!!

I am listening to Tori Amos - Winter, it's freezing here. I am enjoying this weekend once again...oh on a side note, one of my friends from TX invited me to join them in Vegas this weekend at the Hard Rock...geez why couldn't they have told me a week in advance...I would have loved to visit Vegas...never been but I am going to get there sooner or later...I hope sooner!!

So off to enjoy this weekend, pains and aches and all!

Clumsy me

Last night I was trying to unload the car and slipped and fell hard on the driveway! OUCH, I hit my right side, wrist is swollen up really bad, the whole right side of my torso (ribs area) and my right knee (yes, the bad one). Last night I iced the wrist and put heat on my torso. After a turbulent night of sleep I am even more sore this a.m. Of course I knew this was going to happen, but I'm going to whine because it hurts!!

So all the plans for the weekend, in limbo right now. I have a friend in VA asked me to visit for the weekend, I don't think I could drive that far at this point!

My great aunt passed on Tuesday evening, she was a tough old lady, my grandfather's sister and another instance of longevity in my family, she was 94 years old. I believe her sister, still living is going to be 97 in March. Monday is the service and the family is starting to arrive tonight. So I have a busy weekend anyhow, just not sure how well I will be able to function.

The rain has finally stopped. The lord rained down on us yesterday and last in torrents, much needed I'm sure but very hard to drive and navigate around yesterday.

Ok, my wrist is hurting so I'm going to have to cut this short.....more later

Trying week and life is just blah

It's been a trying week so far and it's only Wed morning! How does this happen? It seems to sneak up on your out of nowhere, but it needs to be dealt with. Co-workers and personal friends are all in this mix. I've been down and out again....not alot of great things going on in my life, in fact it seems right now just the opposite, of course everyday I seem to know someone else who is getting laid off or let go from their job too. Being a single mom on a single income with no child support it's scary. Even unemployment wouldnt' be 1/2 my salary now a week....

It's just a bit overwhelming right now.

Monday's again

I can't believe this weekend is over! Done, another one bites the dust. I am hoping for a more relaxing one next weekend I guess. I don't feel like i sat down and just enjoyed even one time! I was so tired last night I literally dropped in bed at 9:15...WOW

So back to the grind and everything it entails!

This can be yours......

Saw this being sold at a local music shop yesterday. Now you can own your own replica of the Charlie Brown tree. Of course the show is a must see every Christmas, but do we really need to own the tree!

Christmas is here....

at my home...I'm fully decorated inside and somewhat outside. It snowed yesterday so that put a small change of plans on the outside, but I'm going to fight the wind and cold later today and get it done! I feel good and it's pretty...later I will take pics! I love christmas and am truly getting in the spirit of it this year. I think I did the whole christmas for my children last year but wasn't into it as much as previous and current year!

So did I say it's was cold...brrr this a.m. 14 chilly degrees. I had to dig out the heavy duty pj's. These are the mornings when I miss a warm body in bed to cozy up with!! Someday when it's right it will be back in my life!

Weight loss, I am doing great. Back to exercising, yoga mainly and I'm losing those inches and have dropped about 5 lbs in the last month. I went to my two year checkup the only big problem is the blood pressure is back up. Even with the exercise and weight loss so I had to go back on my meds for that. It is very severe in my family so I actually expected to once things leveled out for me. I've lost and kept off 126 lb since I had my surgery 11/20/06. I felt very accomplished and feel and look great! I need some new pics of me too! I still have a hard time believing that I used to be a 22-24 and now am a size 6 on most good days! lol it's the best feeling in the world. And the reward is that I have learned to use the tool and apply it in my everyday life now. I can fluctuate up and down within a reasonable rate and I'm not a scale whore like when I first had the surgery. I can tell by clothes and immediately correct or modify something to keep myself in check. I was reading back about my earlier experiences and sometimes even that is a distant memory although it was only two years earlier. It's really a medical miracle for me!

Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, scouting out some possibilities of gifts and other things. Picked up a few necessities and tried on tons of fabulous clothes. We have this little shop near us called Tiger Lily, it's owned by a former Miss Delaware, it's ecletic and girly and fun and they have the most amazing things in there from bags to shoes to accessories and clothes! I would love to have a PT job there and be surrounded everyday by the goodies!

Today is a tournament and football, I'm cleaning and almost done the wash and we are just going to relax later! Thinking about some gingerbread......and I do need get to grocery store at some point! Enjoying the rest of the weekend, back later with some pics!

OMG it's been forever

or so it seems since I've been here last...I wish my blogging were more consistent like when I first had my WLS. Ok 2 years. what do you say, what can you possibly help to people out there who are just starting out or close to getting their surgery! OMG i can remember totally freaking out the night before surgery. I was totally pertified. like I couldn't believe I was about to do this, rearrange my insides to make me a happier, health(key here) person! and yes it has happened. Even today, Ijst forget sometimes that i had the surgery, it's easy to do. I've been healthy with a short breath with internal hermia surgery...nothing to get excited about because they just don't get it! lol So two years ago, I weighed in at a whopping 268...today I'm a secure 140ish..give or take a few lbs...and i 'm so secure in my life and my choices that it isnt' even an issue...ok so I have some bad days now and again..yes we all do..my pouch still works it's regulated by size and that is a good thing! Don't overindulge dont' be an idiot and it's all good! lol my little wisdom for tonight...and yes the wisdom police are watching!!

WOW

Was that a fun weekend. Monday morning here and I'm exhausted. I layed around all yesterday watching football and napping on and off...not too much excitement there, but Sat drove 2 hours to wedding which was beautiful, then 1 hour back to christmas party with my guy. We ended up getting a hotel room there as we were both in no condition to drive home...smart us! Home Sunday morning for breakfast and the couch!!

Had a wonderful time, weighed in this a.m. after all that wonderful eating and the verdict...3 lb loss!! Somedays it just is good!

Let the weekend begin....

I wanted to get in here last night and post this, but instead I layed down on the bed for a short while and fell asleep until this am. I was beat!

So today, I'm packing...we are traveling to a wedding. Then afterwards I am traveling 1/2 way back to a party with my guy! Overall it's going to be a weekend of busyiness...is that a word?? LOL

I told my youngest yesterday, the doc has released me to FULL exercise again...so he better figure out something to do at the Y we are starting back, easing into it if you may on Monday. I want to swim, I want to run, I want to life some sort of weight and get the flab that has developed in my midsection gone!! It's amazing how quickly it can revert back....I worked so hard on it all summer and then poof, 8 weeks of no exercise can do a body NO good!! And just how do I know I'm flabby...well let me tell you...I have gained not a lb...none!! but my pants at the waist...tight!! ugh....talk about devastating. I used to dread the change of seasons here when I was heavy. Pulling out the winter or summer clothing (especially the summer ones) and finding that everything doesn't fit. To tight, to small, to this or that! It is just humiliating. At least before my reasoning when we were moving into winter was that I could hide under sweat pants, sweatshirts, long jeans whatever...but summer. There is no hiding that flab!! One of the things I had promised myself prior to surgery was that when I got down to a good size I would maintain, work very hard to find the perfect balance. Well I had, and then the surgery, that darn hernia put a monkey wrench in all my plans. Of course the healing I thought would be much quicker and smoother than it actually was too! so full release and I'm back in the saddle. I know that I have to ease back in, this much I've learned!

So today, wedding....got to find something to wear with my black wool pencil skirt! I can't wait, I have the perfect shoes but shirts is eluding me right at the moment. I need to check out the wardrobe once again. Then tonight, a quick change into a pant suit as this is much less formal than today. I have the perfect silver sweater tank shirt to wear with it to make it a little festive but not overboard!

Tomorrow is football, snuggling on the couch with my guy! all day just us!!

What a perfect weekend! I hope you enjoy your's as well!

Back to the grind

While most people either didn't go to bed last night or just simply got up at some ungodly hour this a.m. to start black friday shopping, me I was snuggled in my bed all comfy and cozy!! Why??? Do I hate black friday shopping, nah, I think in all my parenting years I went once, it was fun, but the real reason? I work today! I work every Black Friday as it is our busy season at work! So here I am the day after, I sampled (and I mean one bite here and there) some of the most wonderful foods yesterday. I even ventured for a bite of cheesecake YUMMY. I was satisfied beyond belief...it was all so good. I enjoyed the company of great family and friends too. We watched football, the blowouts that ensued was just incredible, all called except for my Eagles, who i think stunned the Cardinals all the way back to Arizona. It was a sweet victory, but shall I say quite a few weeks too late for any good to come of it!

I bowled with my youngest yesterday a.m. in the annual Turkey Bowling Tournament.while I just did so so he did incredible...220, 194 and a 243. At 14 I'd say he's quite on his way to being a very, very good bowler!!

My other son was home, he did disappear with gf and his father for some early morning mania known as Black Friday shopping, but he'll be home by noon and snoozing away when I get home from work later today!!

I have a wedding downstate tomorrow...maybe a christmas party with the guy, but we are falling apart so I'm not even sure he wants me to go anymore? Hmm I guess I'll have to find out today...

I did manage to put up the tree and the lights are on, a few outside decorations were put out yesterday but that is it so far!!

So I need to get busy, not that traffic will be heavy but I do need to be ontime!! Enjoy

Thankful.....

Happy Thanksgiving to all who read!!

I am thankful for so many things this year in my life.

Again, for my health and happiness I thank my surgeon who helped me two years by starting me on a journey that had it's ups and downs and helped me become the healthy mom I am today. Although the highs were great and the lows sometimes just too much for me handle, I have come out a stronger, more confident person. One who is not afraid to try new things and just be myself. I don't have to worry that I won't "fit" into something because I'm too big or too much weight. So Dr. I, I raise my glass to you and thank you once again for giving me another chance to do this right the healthy way!

I am thankful for my children. While they are growing and moving into their own lives they are the pride and joy. I was able to be a proud mom of a now high school graduate. Although he is fumbling his way through college I am confident he will figure it out and be a successful adult. My youngest who is coming into his teen years as a strong, very adept human being. Making difficult decisions already about his life and learning that it isn't always fair but it is about choices. I am proud to be their mom and help teach and hold their hand as they grow.

I am thankful for my family. Although we are literally spread throughout the world, we are a stronger and more united one than when I was growing up. Proof of that this past summer became evident at the wedding of my youngest sister. My parents who have been divorced for years actually talked, laughed and in general got along. It was very nice to have us all in the same room, although only for hours, they are hours I will cherish forever. Even with the happiness we did have a bit of sadness with the passing of my grandmom, thankful for the years I spent with her and my grandfather growing up. She taught me alot and I find that if I really think about it, she has shaped my life and who I am just as much as my own parents, a strong, independent woman who immigrated from Poland with her family, she was a very important part of my life, then and now!

Thankful for the change and chances I have been given. Lots of doors have opened and closed in my life this year. Not all pleasant, but needing to be done. 2008 is a year of growing and believing in myself, and for that I am thankful for all those who have done it with me!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

The thankful post

It's almost that time. and I am truly thankful for alot of things in my life. I have a list, I've checked it twice but right now I don't feel like writing about any of it. Again, I'm having a bad day!! At least today is the last day for the week! More later.....

Quick recap and lots to do

so we decided to even add more to our weekend plans!! Like there isn't enough to already do on any given weekend without adding to our plates. LOL

Truck is still not working, yes another week by and the dealer had it again yesterday for the whole day, $600 worth of work and I pick it up and it won't start. Then the mechanic pulls it back in the shop and comes out a few min's later and says the PCM module is bad! I was fuming that is what the other mechanic said and when I asked them to fix it they poo poo'd me...I told them I am not paying another dime and I want my car fixed. They gave me a car for the weekend but I'm still stewing over this one!

The boy needs to pack up to go to his friends, he is being lazy

I need to pack my cold weather gear, yes football tomorrow! 38 and sunny in beautiful downtown Baltimore!! bbrrrr go eagles..lol

Last night we went to see Twilight, not bad, book definitely better....good teen flick! Had a headache from all the girls just chatting away during the whole movie...grrr

Today, I have wash and cleaning, not motivated as it beyond freezing!!

And, lastly, I missed my surgiversary. Sick, home with a terrible migraine. Moved me off Ativan and onto Topomax...I hope this helps...

Good news, two years out...weight is maintaining between 135 and 140....I am happy...healthy...ok so I get a few migraines and had a hernia operation recently. Blood levels are great, calcium, protein, A,D,E and K....everything is looking good! I need to schedule my two year appt....I got the bloodwork done and forgot to schedule the appt! Too busy

Work is crazy busy....life is good, busy....and I am thankful for my children, health and life I have now!

Yesterday was my day and I totally missed it!!

I was two years out yesterday, I have a big old post to publish and I had a two day migraine...grr

I woke up today in the arms of someone special and with snow falling outside of the window...what a beautiful way to start my morning....

I have a totally busy weekend, more later tonight...

Life and almost 2 years out.......

Yes, I'm still dwelling on how I really want to write about this subject. I have very mixed emotions, raw and undealt with ones. I have so much I want to write but it's not coming together smoothly so....for now I'm dwelling on it. Pondering how I want to put it out there and explain what is going on.

I have been dating again. Just dating. Nothing spectacular but it's fun to go out on a date, dress up. But again, I can see this getting very old very fast with me. I like the solitary one guy, one girl scenario but evidently not many guys I've met lately are into that I guess truly :( I like though that someone will take me out and we do something together..lol

Boys are good, well the one i see on a regular basis is!! lol School is coming along fabulously. He and I are getting ready for our first thanksgiving alone...yes that was a shocker but we are going to do something fun that day we decided. Actually, I am looking forward to it alot. Unfortunately, work thinks we need to go in on friday now so I'm quite bummed about that.

As for the guy I have/had been seeing, well i don't know where that stands, so I guess it's over. We still talk but that is about all there is to it now. I almost wonder if he feels obliged to take me to the Ravens/Eagles game next weekend or if he just wants some arm-candy for his Christmas party at the end of the month..Oh well I really don't care right now about any of that.

So I am off to read some stuff, relax a bit and enjoy the rest of my weekend!

How frustrating can it be?

I went to pickup the truck last night. A sensor was bad, a coil cracked. Mechanic assures me it's fine. I pay, start up, reverse and it dies. The same miserable way being the reason I took it in :( sigh

Why can't they get it right. Out comes the mechanic, he pops this device in the car, no messages. WTF does this mean. It means they simply have no clue why it doesn't want to stay running. So I leave, without the truck.......

Today, we are in rain. Much needed rain but nonetheless rain. I hate the gloom and gray it brings especially since I'm still adjusting to the time change and everything else...overall I'm hoping for a better day than I feel at this particular moment!

Weight is up a little, I did eat alot of bad yesterday...too much without even thinking of what was going in my body...not a good eating day. Exercise, I'm still chicken. I know doc said ok, go easy, but I have yet to explore this part of my life again, yet!

The man and I, well we are circling each other in the ring. Not sure, but we'll see what happens. It is the one month do I really want to invest time with her thing going on....lol

Life is great, I'm great...enjoying things!

Car problems

Ok two weeks ago I have a pretty good overhaul to the truck...back in great shape, running great...and now bam. Won't start, sitting at work! GAH!!!

So hitched a ride home with co-worker, thank god they were working late!

Tomorrow truck, back in the shop...good lord when does it end.

Work is work...at least the last two days don't feel so draining as I was this time last week. Bad news is that we are working day after thanksgiving and fullday on Christmas eve...boo I had plans and was hoping to not have to do all that! So that puts a bit of a damper on my plans but at least I have time to adjust them.

I am quickly approaching my two year surgiversary...I'm starting to think of how my life has changed over these past two years. I know quite a few people way past me, alot under me surgerywise. It is such an exciting, scary journey. More to follow on this subject. The good news, one year since I've stopped losing. I'm still maintaining the 5 lb even with the 17lb gain from the hernia surgery, all that is lost and I'm recovering nicely. So with that I'm going to bed....I have alot of work to do tomorrow and i'm tired!

I expect too much

That is my problem, plain and simple. I have a very good friend who put me right in my place...she is a wonderful person in all ways and I love her to death for righting me once again!

so Monday is over, I'm a month out from this darn hernia surgery and let me tell you, just when I thought I was well...nope Relapse. Today is the first day I'm allowed to exercise again, did I? Nope, will I probably not at this point in the evening. I will have to get myself back on track though. I'm glad the restrictions are starting to lift and I can have mylife back again!

Monday's stink at work. Well everyday now seems to stink at work. The new mgmt is really showing their stripes and well I'm not always in agreement, but I like the job, the people so I suck it up for now and trudge through. I don't want to even remotely think about changing anything with the whole economy and the way the world is but some days.....grr At least the price of gas is under $2/gal today! I never thought I would see that day again!

So I'm off I have some things to do...be productive so to speak....

Not what I expected it to be.......

this weekend has totally made a turn on me, it is not turning out at all what I expected. Am I mad, no, disappointed, YES! I really don't want to get into the dirt of it all right now, but quite a few things I had hoped and were said were going to happen totally fizzled. The thing I have going for me today, Football. LAME!! I need a life to get out and meet people...where am I going to find them? Well I'm going to have to start digging deeper I guess.

Off to finish the laundry. and probably watch some football

It's friday

Yeah, it has been a very, very long week for me. Work has had me in a loop plus a two day migraine...yikes. I finally feel a wee bit better today! And low and behold it's the weekend. Tonight my guy is coming up after work. I will have approx. 1 hour to straighten up my house because, NO I haven't done anything all week! Laaaazzzzeeeee!!! lol

I am in a mood to dress today too, not sure where that is coming from but ok I'll go with it! I have my new Steve Madden's to wear so I'm suspecting that might be it! :)

We had rain all week, today we get a little sun, tomorrow, ok right you guessed it, RAIN! I have had it with the rain!

Boys are good, youngest is choosing his high school, he's a little torn but will make the right decision I'm sure. He's getting ready to start his guitar lessons too.

Oh ex news, he'll be up around 12/15 to collect his crap out of my garage for the move back down....yes it's finally going to be permanent...Christmas had come early to me this year with this news!!

I believe I am finally able to try exercise again since it's been the required 4 weeks post op...will try again next week and see how that pans out...I want to but my body wasn't ready a few weeks back :(

The day after

Yes Obama is going to be our next president. Get over it already.. the vice president elect is a personal family friend...how weird is that!! I think it's very weird...anyhow....I'm into dots tonight and well I am loving my life. I am approaching my 2 years out mark. 2 years since I had my WLS that is quite a big thing to wrap my head around. Thanksgiving will come, with all the thanks, glory and praise, but truly to me Thanksgiving represents change, a new beginning or lease or live for me. I am so happy each and every day since I've had my surgery. It has allowed me to be "normal" per se. My head sometimes isn't always caught up like my body but for the most part it is. Lots of therapy, divorce, weight loss etc...you get the point and yes I'm a mess...A hot mess is what I like to think. I will have to post a new pic soon, with the man. The amazing man who has lost over 200 lbs. He's investigating PS at this point. I have put that on hold, probably forever. I dont' mind my body, a little flabby in the mid section, boobs are way down south, but hell....who at 44, has a smoking body like me? NO ONE!!! LOL I love it..anyhow we had his company party last Sat night. His boss is smitten with me, or so he says. I love that at 44 anyone is smitten with me! My guy is totally smitten with me, as I am with him. It's all good in my book.

So life goes on, we have new president. Some will like some won't. It's called life. Really was there a good choice here if you consider all parties involved and what experience they have! Anyhow, I'm not putting a damper on this parade...so on to something great....here it is. Very self involved, with the two year surgiversary (god it's been forever since I've used that term) anywho....I'm a size 7 juniors yes 7 was a size 22 misses. Also, S in tops for the most part, boobs have suffered but what else isn't new with me. I love my life, I have vitality, stamina and most important the energy to maintain myself. I just could never do before what I do now, even on a bad day.....so yes this is a WLS post. Almost 2 years out....good god, how grateful am I??? you figure it out! LOL

OMG It's Monday already....

Had a great weekend, absolutely great. Did tons of retail therapy Friday night and Sat. Got a new pant suit, shirt, lots of fun things at Victoria Secret and shoes....
OMG Steve maddens and I can't find a pic, but they are the bomb.

Wore my outfit Sat night w/shoes, was hot!! Yes, I thought I actually was hot for a change. Now that is definitely a switch from before. Had a great dinner at the party, chicken to die for and home cooking to boot, got to love them southern folk and there downhome cookin! LOL Ate a little bit of everything and had my first taste of pumpkin pie this year! YUM! Sunday we slept in. I slept till 9am. Oh god it felt so good! Came home got lots done with the boy and watched alot of football Sunday. Eagles pulled it off, Dallas lost, Giants won big and well....I'm just waiting to see where we end up my Eagles. My Bears are in 1st place in their division and I'm just one happy girl.

W and I are great, we had just an absolutely fantastic time together this weekend, I really like him, so down to earth....just what I've been looking for. He hit a big milestone in weightloss this weekend, down in the 200's for him that is great. I am so proud of him what he has accomplished and still yet to do. He's almost at his one year surgiversary!

Me, I'm maintaining. I bought junior clothes this weekend, 7's...good god! That's all I'm going to say about that!

DS2 got one of his christmas gifts early too, an electric guitar, amp and well he's just learning and like a sponge. Actually in two days he's getting the swing of things...

Life is busy, I'm happy and well I hardly remember to update! I want to share it all..right now thankfully it's all good. Hard to believe that only a little over a year ago I became a single girl! I'm definitely happy for my change and am loving life! The ex..well I have to say, unemployed, wandering through life and me I'm stable, and got my life on track. Living it fully to the extent and enjoying every minute of it, as it should be!
'

big day in Philly

The Phillies pulled it off last night. Freezing weather, a million pitcher changes and they came out the champs!! Yeah Phillies!

Me, I'm sick. I haven't felt right since Sunday. I have a nagging pain when I twist or turn a certain way. I'm sure it's hernia repair related but just in case a call into the doc today is warranted and some R&R for me. I have quite a few bills to pay, my truck being the biggest one. It's currently in the shop, since Tuesday, getting worked on. They called yesterday and told me all the other things wrong with it. OY I need it to run and run well so a few bucks here and in the long term hopefully it will last a few more years. Regular maintenance baby!

So back to me, yes this is a whiney, me post. I am having a really hard time eating anything solid. Mushies, soups, liquids all go in fine, but the bulk foods, YUCK!! I hope this is just a side effect because I miss food. But everytime I eat something with some substance I end up feeling like I'm going to barf and am tired. Almost like no matter what bulk foods I eat I'm dumping! This can't be good. Today, breakfast, protein shake. Geez for being almost 2 years out I feel like I'm about 2 weeks out! I probably need to just take it easy, listen to my body and well, suck it up and be still and lay around. Harder said than done for me!

The boy is getting ready for Halloween tomorrow, he's very excited and also because his class is going to Williamsburg in Feb. I went on this same school trip when I was in middle school, nostalgia at it's best. He couldn't believe it, "all those years ago, you went to Williamsburg?" he asked. I just felt like smacking him..lol

So today, laying around, no exercise, soft foods, hopefully something that will satisfy me. No chocolates and a call to the doc. How fun is that!! NOT!!! The good news, I'm down way down, maybe too much at this point. I'm almost where I was at my lowest weight. I was checking in on the OH Nov 06 board, all my friends are there and well I see quite a few weight gains, and I'm not talking about 5 or 10 lb...How could we let ourselves do this and then let it go?? I don't know. I know alot of therapy and a good NUT helped me through to a better me!

This weekend, we have alot to do, trick or treating tomorrow, work party Sat night, Eagles sun....what more can I say...BUSY!!

Why do weekends go so fast..........

god I feel like I was just leaving work on Friday and it's Sunday evening already. Had a great weekend. Really fun, busy and I'm exhausted.

Friday night we took the boy to see Maxx Payne. I really liked it more than I thought I would. The man left work early so we could get there on time. Afterward he and I fell asleep on the couch watching the world series. Then off to pickup ds1 at work at 2a.m. ...oy!! Back up at 7a.m. for the trip to take ds2 to bowling, off to Wally World for a few items, then home to clean up the house. Back to get ds2, take ds1 to work, then off costume shopping. About 3 hours later we came home, happy to have found the joker! 4pm started makeup for the party that night. He turned out really great.....see...........



Then last night during the torrential downpour we dropped him off and went clothes shopping for the man. He's lost 225 lb so far. WOW!! Got a sport coat and shirt and tie for his party next weekend. I still don't know what I am going to wear, but I have all week to figure it out.

Eagles won today! Phillies won last night!! Can win again tonight...go Phils!

It's Friday and where the heck did the week go!

It's been busy, home, work and everything in between. I hardly have had time to breathe. I owe some blogger awards, and I know just who I am going to give them to, but no time to do so.

Just a quick recap - Phillies 1-1 figures
Tonight - movies
tomorrow - costume party (boy) still need to buy it and out on a date
sunday - ravens game, somewhere wash, cleaning

I have been eating horribly, just lack of eating not really bad foods. I'm down my whole weight gain from the hospital as well as the bloat, that was the worst. Warily, I tried on my clothes from last year, that was always a challenge in the past, but low and behold they still fit, just right ;). Again my mind did not catch up with that little morsel that if you do not put on weight in the past year, of course your clothes are still going to fit, just fine!! duh

I am trying to concentrate on protein intake, at least if I am not eating enough I will still be getting what I need. I'm back at yoga, a week early, I had to, I just couldn't wait any longer. Bad move, well I guess time will tell, but I am doing it gently and carefully so not to hurt myself in the core! I need to reconfigure the core as it was coming along beautifully until the cuts made it all just flab again :(

I have a busy weekend, next week and all of November ahead of me. I need to set a pace so that I don't burn out mid month! I've never been so busy socially in my life and i'm loving it!

Thank you Amber

For voting me a best blog....geez never thought that would happen...I'm just here boring everyone to tears with my life!!

I will nominate my seven tomorrow when I have more time! But I wanted to thank Amber for being there and being real! We are doing this together girl!!

Tonight is dday - ds2 is going to meet the guy. Yes it's soon, yes he lives downstate, yes I said I was never dating again, yes it's really happening and yes I really, truly think this time I have found a winner. Did I mention he had the gastric sleeve? Hmmmm, more in common and I didn't even know until our 2nd date! lol So here we are, me dating again. Good god, if I had my own nickle for everytime I said I was done, I'd be a damn rich millionaire and be well somewhere tropical with all my friends and loved ones right now celebrating!! Martinis' anyone??

So ds2 has a bowling rolloff tonight, already, yes he's that good. So we were going on a date but a few things got rearranged and he's coming up, we are going to cheer on ds to victory (I hope) and then go out afterwards up here instead. It's a long distance relationship, well 70 miles of long distance at least. So far it's working and we are both working on it, lots of texting!! LOL

More later and hopefully tonight a pic for me!!

So with that I leave it here for today, until tomorrow......

second dates and Phillies

The Phillies won! I can't believe it and we all thought they would play Boston, but not so sure aobut that....hopefully Boston can pull it off.

Second date last night, very nice, we went to dinner and just talked all night. That was very important! We discussed alot because of the distance that of course will always be an issue. But overall it was a nice date. We got to know more about one another.

Work is crazy busy, I'm so tired and am glad it's Thursday. Sat is date #3

Tired

I'm beat, last night was our annual trade show for work and we all stayed up too late, had too much to drink and back at work bright and early today!! I'm ready for bed.

On a good note, Phillies won again...I'm truly wowed by this...lol

Beautiful weekend

It is/was and is still happening. I went on a date last night. Didn't want to say anything to jinx it and I really know I said I wasn't going to but it came up and well he asked me yesterday. I drove down to meet him 1/2 way. We had crabs (probably last of the season) and then off to a drive in. I couldn't believe they have drive in's still downstate, it was so cool. I haven't been to one in years. It was fun and I felt almost like a teenager again. Of course all that sitting wrecked havoc on my side that is healing...so I laid down for a short while at his house while the Red Sox were handed their asses in the game last night and well I promptly feel asleep, he talked me into spending the night in his guest bedroom and I came back this a.m.

So the dog probably thinks I had abandoned him, as was my plan to come home last night, but with the boy spending the night at his friends and the other on at his father's, I guess it was easy to forget the poor dog and I just stayed down there. LOL

Today, I'm sore, I'm not going to lie and I'm going to just watch football and relax. Nothing else at all! I would love to exercise, I miss it, really. I can't do anything but walk for at least 3 more weeks :( Boo hoo You never realize how much your life and priorities change with this whole procedure and now that exercise is part of my life, when I can't do it, I miss it.

Eating is less I have noticed too, I can't seem to stomach hardly anything at all in a sitting. Last night for dinner I had a cup of soup and was overstuffed. WTF is that, I haven't felt like that since I originally had the surgery early out. It's actually really strange to be back at this point but it is where I am at. I like to eat and enjoy my food and choices but wow!! So I will be taking it easy this week, he has asked me to go on a bike ride next Sunday and I really would like to go, pain willing! lol We'll see and he totally understands. I think the lady last night at dinner looked at us like we were crazy with our dinner order, me cup of soup and him 1/2 doz crabs and there were two left when we were done. So that leads me to the last revelation, he's had the gastric sleeve...he's lost a ton of weight and well I didn't know when I first met him, but it really has seemed to bond us on a different level, but not to interfere with anything else.

On that I am leaving I need my couch and to lay and watch some football, hopefully there will be some good winners today!

Made it through the week

Albeit how short it was it was perfect for me to get back into my groove. By the time I left yesterday I was caught up. Organization is the key! thank god I'm organized when I want to be. I also got my 401K moved from my old companies account into the new one, so one less item to worry about, however it's losing money left and right and I cringe everytime I log in to see my balance..boo

I'm officially down the 17lb of fluid the hospital put in me, thank god, I hate that bloated feeling you get when you leave there. The one incision is really bothering me, it's the one I believe he did all the work out of. It's purple, black and blue and well really, really nasty looking surrounding the incision. The actual incision is healing just fine though. Also, I noticed as of this past year I seem to bruise rather easily, but the actual bruises usually take up to a week to show up on me! Is that weird or what. As of Thursday night I have the bruises from where my IV was and where they drew blood on Sat morning. No wonder all summer when I got a bruise I couldn't remember where it came from, it probably happened a week before.

Today, I get my hair done, color and a cut. Both are much needed. Then the one boy and I are hanging out. Tomorrow I have plans, and that's all I'm writing about it right now.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend weather wise, hopefully where you live also! I'm going to enjoy it to the maxx!!

A challenge

I am always up for one but the desk I went in and saw yesterday made me want to cry..lol

I started digging out hopefully today I'll be caught up, I hate unresolved issues lying around on my desk. I was very tired last night too, I think I was asleep by 7:30....off to another day!!

Back to work

So the mini vacation is quickly drawing to a close. Doc's at 12:30 and then work for the afternoon. In a way it's good, gives me a 1/2 day today and a full day tomorrow to fly under the radar at work and get caught up at my pace.

The healing is going remarkably well and of course the retail therapy I indulged in yesterday didn't hurt either. Got some really nice sweaters and a few shirts for work...sooo


I was hoping for shoes but couldn't find just the right pair! That search will continue...

So I have to get the kids ready and out the door and then relax for my last few hours.

A new day

So again I have met a man who mysteriously disappeared. I don't understand nor do I want to. I didn't want to date anyhow after the last one but once again disappointed in men!

Yesterday was a great day, went shopping with my mom in the morning and went out to walk in the afternoon. It was nice to have the sun shining on my face and the cooler weather around me.

Today, I'm planning a trip to a local state park I've never been too, I'm going to pack some food and water and go, take the camera and hopefully just enjoy the day. I hate not being able to go to the Y, but I can't do alot of exercises right now, so I will just walk...and enjoy.

I go for my followup on Thursday with the doc and then Friday back to work. I'm ready....although I am enjoying my time off there really isn't alot I can do and everyone is working or in school. So for now, I'm just enjoying my own company! lol

Alright time to hit the shower....

enjoy your day and the Red Sox won!! Yeah Sharon and TEX

Monday musing

Ok I'm back, took off the weekend. Truly it was a blur and the well the stay at the hospital, less than stellar unlike last time :( I went in Friday morning bright and early everything was great, surgery completed, woke up (actually was awake and joking with nurses in recovery, a first for me) and then the ball started rolling down the hill. I ended up in recovery for 3 hours, no bed ready. Well I finally get in the bed at 1pm on Friday afternoon, it was still a jumble to get me in there, I was still in good spirits from my visit downstairs, but it quickly starting taking a slide downhill. I was settled in and then virtually left alone. I was the only one in my room, at the end of the hall the furthest away from everyone. Hooked up to every contraption imaginable and here I was drinking water and had to go to the bathroom...how many times do you have to call a nurse to get them to unhook you to go. Well at this point I'm ready to burst between IV fluids and such so I unhooked the compression boots and then they come walking in, you can't do that, oh yes I can because I'm not going to be sitting in my bladder explosion that was about to happen! So I'm free up and walking around, they never did come back and rehook up the compression boots, but oh well I was up and moving around so....then I find out I have to stay, I originally thought I wasn't BOO!!! Well then I found out I'm on gastric phase 1 diet, well I can handle that but I didn't know, while walking around the halls I also noticed that hardly anyone was on my floor, so WTF did it take forever to get me up there. Short staff and unorganization, that's what! Well I hear the survery will be sent and I will be courteous and fill it out! LOL

So I'm home, Sat I came home and slept, nothing like sleeping in your own bed to make everything in the world seem great! The xh is back in FL too! yeah, I hope he stays this time! but somehow I doubt it. So Sat was sleeping and movie with ds2, yesterday was football and hanging out with the boys and I did cook some dinner. I felt accomplished so....

Today, I've been up since 5, good god why can't I just sleep in for pete's sake. DS2 is on his way to school, work email has been checked and forwarded and answered and now I am here...what next...I'm restless already!

More pain meds and maybe some sleep!

Will be dark for a few days

Tomorrow morning bright and early I will be at the hospital to get this hernia repair surgery...I'm not ready! My house is trashed, my bills are not paid and well I've just finally made the last call to have the kids taken care of while I'm in the hospital in case I have to stay overnight.

I will be gone from here for a few days as I am going to take full advantage of the painkillers, my couch and the movies I've gathered to watch while recouping the next few days.

I am sad that I will not meet fellow WLS friends, whether they are from blogs I love to read or just people I have connected with throughout the east coast.....

So have a happy weekend all, the gorgeous fall weather is with us and I wish I were out doing fall things instead this weekend!

Alot of thoughts and they are all jumbled up

So I will not be able to attend the OH convention on Sat. This is a real bummer for me as I wanted to connect with those who have gone before me and inspired me on my journey to WLS and the benefits that have come my way. Truly there are those out there that inspire me still to this day to maintain the quality of life that they sought those many years ago! I too am now a success story but I still look to those who walked the path before me to guide me and give me great advice throughout my journey. As you who are new and starting out we all once were in your shoes and there are those who I just turn to for advice and to see if they are in the same circumstance as me! Again with this hernia surgery I have been scanning the masses (ok the few blogs I follow) to see if any of those who walked in my shoes before me have experienced this and the resounding answer; YES!! amazing. So I go on in the daily routine of being right now.....no exercise (which is driving me crazy) unless you count the walks I take. I'm restless, beyond belief....would I ever imagine I am writing this...the resounding answer NO....so me and Amy Lee (Evanscense) are just trudging through life right now and we are not happy campers.

So here we are almost two years out, I've been thinking alot about this. The whole phenomenom of surviving, succeeding and then bam problems. I have had literally no issues since surgery. NONE, NADA, ZILCH, ZIP....so where is this coming from. To put me in check, to give me a reality check, put me in my place, give me the reality check that I have been needing for awhile.

So this is alot to think about, to realize that life is not perfect but still there is hope....no there is hope...because for me this is just another roadblock, detour and learning experience in my new life.

Mucho confusing

After alot of dates, times and hospitals we were finally able to pin down a time, date and place to have the surgery....geez

Friday, 6am bright and early I will be in town at my local hospital (the one I want), originally it was tomorrow, but someone couldn't do it, then they made it Monday, the doctor said too long to wait, so we all settled happily on Friday morning. While that totally blows for my weekend, it has to be done!!

So to my fellow bloggers that I was going to meet, I'm sorry, but I have to get this done....and we will all meet soon!!

Now it's time for another pain killer and off to find some food my tummy can tolerate!!

Wednesday

Is the day I go under the knife. Unfortunately now I probably won't be able to attend the OH convention on Sat....damn!!!!

more to follow

Today is the day

That I find out when the surgery will be. Seriously I probably should have gone to the hospital late yesterday as I was in more pain again, but I took the meds and sucked it up. Probably not the wisest thing to do but it's what I did. I took more pain meds this a.m. and am going to attempt work, not sure what I will wear as anything binding causes tremendous pain also. So that is my challenge for today and oh to get as much work done as possible. I hope I can handle it, I truly am not sure as yesterday I literally laid around like a sloth. Sat other than my date which consisted of sitting at a restaurant, walking in apark a bit and then sitting on the couch watching a movie I really didn't do alot and turned that into tremendous night pain. This is serious folks and I hope you don't ever have to experience it. But, if you do go to the doc, don't wait! It's the only piece of advice because it's not going anywhere. You can have a hernia for years and it will cause no pain, but if the pain and nausea come go get help immediately. Ok off my soapbox, I have to get ready!!

The verdict is in

I got a call from the surgeons office yesterday afternoon on my way out the door for my date. Talk about timing. Well evidently the hospital sends out the CAT's to whomever is on duty (whereever this may be) via computer, and yesterday when the radiologist at my hospital came on duty he re-reviews them. Well he found something, promptly called the surgeon sent my scan via email to them and yes they are seeing it too. What is it you may ask? A hernia...no fun, excruciating pain and well I felt twinges of it now and again yesterday when I turned or twisted too far one way. If I make it through the weekend then I am free until they schedule surgery, otherwise if it flares up then I'm in the OR immediately. The doctor said he could be there in 28 min if I get another bad case to go right in and page him on the way. This is serious and I'm pretty far into it I guess. I dont' know alot about hernias, but I will be reading up on it I'm sure really soon here.

So my date was wonderful, although I was totally preoccupied by the recent news. How do you put it out of your mind? Well I did manage but it took a little while, horrible to dump this on someone on your third date with them...ahh the joys of dating!! Ok I'm off to web md, and hopefully today will be smooth sailing.....

It's finally here

my Sat date day!!! yeah....

And it was almost ruined by yesterday. At lunch I was eating two bites of salad when I immediately dashed off to the ladies room and was sick. Well then I turned white and thought I was going to pass out so I sat down in the waiting area for a bit and well tried to pull myself together. Well it was everything I could do to drive myself home and I promptly got sick again. Every little sip I took would come right back out. What am I thinking, blockage!! boo. Well I layed down and slept, hoping maybe it would work it's way through, the pain was excruciating, never in my life have I had so much pain. So I am now waiting for my oldest son to get home from school and I totally forgot he had an exam from 5-7pm. Well the minute he came in the door I had him take me to the ER. Fun, fun....Well they set me up, in the room immediately and I had blood drawn, IV started (as I was getting very dehydrated at this point) and then I had to drink the nasty Gastrobond, for the cat scan. I had to wait 1 1/2 hours after I drank to get the test run so the liquid would run through the intestines...YUCK!!! Around midnight I was whisked off to the Cat scan and they found nothing!! NOTHING wrong, but I was still in pain. They called my surgeon and he said that it had nothing to do with the WLS (thank god) and that I could possibly have a pinched nerve in my lower back muscles or the beginning of appendicitis, so they sent me home around 2am with meds and I slept, I feel a little better today, still a bit sore but nothing I can't manage to move around with.

So today, is date 3, I am excited and we aren't doing anything strenuous so it should be fine. He told me yesterday that he misses me, that he is having feelings and it's all a bit crazy and soon...we'll just see where it goes!

Rainy weekends

Another noreaster is headed our way, we will either have a washout or nothing much at all, who knows as mother nature has her way of playing us like that.

Plans are being made for Sat. The kids are all taken care of and I am free. Now just to find out what is going on....there is an Indian festival, sounds corny but I love authentic Indian food, curries and all that..YUM!! So maybe venture over there and check it out, maybe not. A scrabble match is in the making, yes I love scrabble, the english major in me is wanting a good matchup, maybe this will be it! lol

Hints of the past year are out there, it's been a wild ride I've been re-reading some journaling and OMG what a whirlwind it's been, crazy, fun, sad, horrible, anxiety and well it's my life, as nutty as is it. I wanted to put together a synopsis but I am not sure I have it in me to sum it all up. There is alot...oy!

I'm thinking of a new blog, yes we've all thought of this now and again, this one had great intentions at the beginning, WLS blog, the ups and downs the ins and outs and now that we are getting further and further out with no major complications it just seems stale, not always alot to write about with the WLS processes anymore...I will have to think about this more too

I am feeling the winds of change under my feet, not sure where this will lead me, but you can follow if you chose.....

The pressure is on......

Depending on what my mates agree too.......omg

Im going wth it ....so..........

Wednesday because what other day would it be????

So much has happened to me in this past year. Can I put it all into words. Of course I can , but I do I want to, NO

Sad as it may seem this is what I want...stayed tuned for the next post.

First day of Autumn

And the weather is changing and so is my life.

The x is going back to Fl again, I think at this point I wish he would make up his mind because it's very sad and confusing for our son. He told me he was leaving again in front of ds2. DS2 told me later in the car that he heard that news for the first time just then and he asked me if his father really cared about him? What do you say? My relationship with the ex has sometimes been very bad, I really take the stand that my children can figure their father's relationship with them out theirselves. I was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place? What do you say that will soothe the child without lying to yourself and breaking your own rule? Such is life if he wants to leave or stay that is his choice, but stop becoming the yo-yo that your life is and try to find a job and settle somewhere.

So the first full day of autumn. There has been alot of change in my life in the past few months, the end of yet another short relationship, the start of my one son in college, the birthday that allowed him to become an adult, school starting for the other son, my divorce becoming final, the possible end of yet another friendship (because I can't give more) and what have I gained from all of this besides a spinning head? I've grown, I'm learning, I'm becoming and I'm moving forward. After thinking last month at the end of the last relationship that I'm not going to be starting this anytime soon, well maybe I will eat my own words maybe not, I'm going to see G again, I'm going to see where this may or may not go, I'm going to put myself out there and bear my feelings, my soul and my life. Put it all out there on the line and if it becomes it does. I have a good feeling but again I've had those before. The difference this time? I've grown, I've become and I am speaking up early for what I believe, want and love. I'm not compromising, I'm not just there in the relationship, being somewhat emotionally unavailable as I have also been in the past. I chose men in the past to deal with life how I wanted to, which really wasn't much. I wasn't ready, am I now? Who knows, but I'm different, I can feel it in how I am, how I act, what I say, how I think.

Lastly, I want to touch on my weight, it's up a bit, I am sticking on the high end of my 5 lb fluctuation. I don't want it to grow more, but I do want to be cognizant that it's sitting there and has been for quite a few weeks. I've had quite a few emotional weeks and well I'm outside my 18 month window (as the doctor's suggest) I know I can drop these 5 if I try really hard, I do want to but I also want to be true to myself. I haven't really been weighing myself lately, in fact I suppose it's almost been a month since I did weigh myself. Am I disappointed to see I'm sitting here? Not really, I'm exercising still, eating as healthy as I can right now, I feel good, look good and well I need to become comfortable with this whole process, because that is what it is. It's another learning phase in my life, how to eat and maintain. It's hard, no wonder all those skinny girls are always on a 'diet', it's how they maintain their sleek physique. Do I want to be the skinny girl, no I don't, I just want to be me, normal!

As I approach two years out

and I know I have read this before but here is my take on it. I started this blog pre-WLS to help me and possibly others in their journey. It's alot different than I first expected. Had I written a journal entry of my expectations and how I thought i would feel at this point I'm sure it would have been totally different than the reality. As I am approaching my two year point, my weight is stable, my labs are good, I feel great and I have a new life. This is all what I wanted but not the way I wanted it to happen, I've been through a divorce, I have lost many, many good (or supposedly) friends along the way, I've met new only to discover they aren't who I am.

And that brings me to the big question, one I've been pondering alot lately, "Who am I?", "What do I want out of life and in my life?". I really have lived in the shadow of others tremendously the past few years, not good. I've had to rediscover my passions, wants, needs and who I am. I have had to dig deep, I've put myself out there to date again, only to pull myself off the market. Why, I wasn't ready. I really didn't know about me enough to share with another. I am definitely growing and learning and leading a totally different life than I did a mere two years ago. And to be honest at this point it's all good, yes it's been rough, alot of soul searching and well alot of mistakes made along the way. But all in the interest of good.

Through this all, my family and remainder of freinds have been super supportive, that is what means the most. My health is improving all the time, I am doing things I never imagined before I would accomplish and well, I'm happy. I smile, alot. I laugh, sometimes loud. I enjoy, getting up in the morning. I have taken back life and am pushing through.

Things have been busy

and my computer crashed in the midst of it all. Here's a quickie of what's going on in life...

I have ended my friendship/whatever you may want to call it with K....it's over
I never wanted to date again...
My dad set me up on a semi blind date for this Sat....hmmmm(so much for never dating again)
My friends from TN are in town tonight through Sunday, I can't wait to hang out with the guys!!!
I spent last weekend in Annapolis, alone, by myself enjoying the peace and serenity
I love going to the Y now, I'm really getting pumped
I'm eating much healthier
I'm getting muscles!!
and abs...lol
I can't believe it's almost fall...I love the season change but that's it
I am enjoying my life again
I am working and putting myself outside the box so to speak of comfort level with some degree of success
oh and I'm officially divorced now!

Been dark

My computer was down, now it's fixed be back tomorrow with more!!

A great weekend

Even though Sat was a complete washout with the rain, it still was a nice day to hang out with the boys. I never made it to the gym on Sat, but went to the AHA Heartwalk today and then to the gym. Home for football!! Yeah, football is back...got lots of wash done, some cleaning and general stuff around the house to get ready for the week ahead.

We are settling into our school routine, thank god. The xh is home, for now, he's threatening (or at least that is how he perceives it) to pack a uhaul and move to FL. My thoughts on this....good riddance. He just doesn't get it, the further away from me he is, the happier I am.

So it's Sunday night, the house is semi done and I'm feeling good about things, myself and life again.

It's Friday again

Where did the week from h*ll go?? I'm glad it's over and need to have a more positive weekend than last.

Hurricane Hanna is rolling in here tomorrow. I did manage tonight at the gym, lower body workout and then the running machine. I think I love the running machine...3 miles in 25 min...yeah I was pumped.

Off to watch a movie with the boy and enjoy a quiet evening alone at home.

oh and I'm single again :(

Life as I know it....

just isn't right these days...not sure exactly what is wrong but it is. I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom in my life right now. Tonight is a night off of exercise. I can really feel the gret workout I had last night. I have muscles that are sore that I didnt' know existed..lol

So tomorrow night I will go back to the gym, do that great new machine and do lower body workout on my exercise equipment. I'm really excited as it will probably be the biggest excitement of my life this weekend! I am really expecting the worse from a phone call tonight, or maybe the lack of a phone call will tell the story. I am hoping for the best and expecting the worst, it's why I keep getting let down by people in my life. I expect too much I guess.

So I'm blogging, ate semi good today, I am really trying to stay out of the kitchen tonight and then I will have a good day. I really just have the no care attitude but am trying really really trying to make the right choices in life. I have been good so far, with a few munches here and there but nothing major and I want to curb that before it starts.

It's the hump day

and work stunk....got to get my new helper and soon, it's only been 6 months or so I've been asking...So what do they tell me today? You are not keeping up with the job. Ok, and if I had an assistant I would be. So are you setting me up to fail? Because that is how I felt about it.

Thank god I had to leave at 2 to take ds2 to the doc for his physical, surprise surprise when we got there, he also needed two shots..

Then off to pickup ds1 and we all headed to the Y again, today, upper body weight machine workout. Nice, felt good, not too much. Then I strolled over to this machine that looks like an elliptical. Since I love the elliptical I had to check it out. Well low and behold I couldnt' stop myself from stepping up on it. I did, entered in the information and start whizzing away. Good, we are making progress. Well I realized about a minute in I am not extending my arms enough to make maximum stride. So I push the arms out as far as can go and then I feel it, in my thighs...good lord I look down and the arm controls are hooked to the foot pedals below, I am extending my upper body stride which in turn is extending out my lower body stride. OUCH!!!

So here I sit, 2 hours after the workout and wow my thighs are feeling it. I know I am going to be feeling this tomorrow too!! Nice workout, work the sweat and soreness....

Here we go again

Last night had a great workout, work wasn't so bad coming off the long holiday weekend also. I got alot done, thank goodness.

Last night I took ds2 and we ran the elliptical, 45 min. I taught him about the machine, what it can do for you and how to maintain your heartrate while working out. All in all it was a good run for me. It's been quite a while since I've run so it felt good. Surprising my legs aren't feeling too, too bad this a.m.

Eating had too many carbs again, I need to control them more. I have been finding myself very hungry lately, but I don't always pick good choices. I try to put in the protein but the carbs keep coming in also :(

Tonight ds1 and I work the weights!! yeah

Finally it's over

tomorrow we go back to work. I just hope I never, ever spend another long weekend as miserable as I was this weekend. I did learn alot about a few special people in my life. One being K. I'm very sad at the realization that I'm just not a priority in his life at all, but with all things life happens. So I've let him go, I'm sad, angry and well just plain old disappointed again with the men in my life again. I guess I have alot of issues still to deal with, I am going to try and get a therapy appointment tomorrow night since today is myusual day. I wish there were an easier way to work through this, but alas life is complicated and so is dealing with it.

Today we went swimming, I did 20 laps which totally impressed me, also met a few nice people at the pool. It was our first day there as we just joined today. I'm glad they are putting a bubble over the pool so we will have wintertime swimming! yeah!

So now back to our regularly programmed life!!

At this point I just wish it would end....

this long weekend. Did not turn out as I hoped it would, but again it gave me alot of insight into people in my life and the importance I play in theirs. I've been very down, sad if you will...this too shall pass

I was hoping for more, but ended up getting less. Tomorrow the boys and I are going to the pool. We are going to all just hang out which will be nice. I did manage to clean, I mean really clean my house today...it smells good. Laundry almost done, we are heading out for sandwiches and then they will both leave me for the evening. So another evening alone. I would think I would start getting used to them, but I'm not. I really don't have alot of great plans nor people to hang out with right now...so I just sit here in self loathing. Good I sound so damn remorse. But I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Tomorrow is a new day

Can't sleep

So here I am 4am on Sat morning. I could be laying in bed lazing around, or actually sleeping and no I'm wide awake!! What the heck!

I have no idea why, well I have a few, but I have not been sleeping well at all....

Life is crappy somedays...later I will be tired

Long weekends and such.............

Well here we are the long holiday weekend and I have no plans. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I can't believe it. Tomorrow my oldest son and I have to pickup his books for college and we are going to work out....cleaning, laundry, what an exciting weekend I have lined up huh! NOT...

I almost feel out of sorts, the summer is ending (unofficially) and well I'm just starting again to get those feelings of the changes yet to come soon. The sun is shining less, the days are growing shorter. I truly love fall and all the colors and changes with the weather, but in a cliche I hate it too, because of the shorter days and the colder weather that is coming afterward. I really hate winter. I can't stand it!

I am down in weight, a few days with fresh fruits and lots of veggies, good eating and theweight is right back off. I have to say I love my surgery for this reason. As soon as I get a little out of control, I reign it in, eat sensibly again and of course the ongoing exercise and well i'm right back where I need to be.

I am hoping to meet a good personal trainer also when we go to the gym. I would love to spend some quality time with a personal trainer to help me target specific areas on myself so that I can improve my overall self. I am also starting on the 8th of Sept my yoga classes. A whole month of some pretty intensive learning. I will be going three times a week until the first week of Oct. Then I will continue with regular classes until Mar or Apr and then onto the teachers certification.

That should be enough to keep me busy, preoccupied with what is going on around me and i hope to change the way I feel about the seasonal changes that I dread year in and year out. I really need to work on moving to a warmer climate!

Hope you all have a happy Labor Day weekend, enjoy your time off!

Because you are beautiful

I had lunch with my honey today. It was great to see him and spend some time with him. While we were at lunch evidently he sent a huge bouquet of flowers to me at work, which were delivered while I was out. All the girls in the office were gaga to see who they were from except my bff, she knew :)



So we spent 2 hours (yes I took long lunch) and had a great time. I miss him alot with all the work he's been doing. He's even working this weekend. Hopefully it will ease up soon and we can spend some real quality time together.

With that said, no big plans for the holiday weekend. In fact, I'm the late person tomorrow at work, if you count 2pm as being late..lol Everyone else gets to leave at 12noon



I'm feeling a whole heck of a lot better from the other night, glad it was mild but man it was nasty. Just a friendly reminder to me that I have had surgery and need to watch what I eat, although I don't believe I could have prevented that episode. I'm on the high side of where I like to weigh right now also, bought more fresh fruits and veggies and am working on getting it back down.

Am going to take a class on Sat and Monday at the new studio. I'm very excited for this whole process to start. I can't believe I am actually going to work in the exercise field. It's weird to think of that because I used to be the fat obese girl who couldn't get out of my own way!! lol Anyhow, things are good.....the kids are great and I'm looking forward to the long weekend off!

Brand new day

It was a brand new day and I felt pretty darn good, considering last night was a total bust. Anyhow, I have made a future plan, not sure if I jotted it down here, but here it is.

Next month I've enrolled in yoga, beginners, at a center that teaches people to instruct as well as just offers classes...do you see where I am going with this. I love yoga, it's been a lifesaver to me the last year in my stress and divorce and weight loss. It is one exercise I truly, truly love and I want to learn more. So after speaking with the owner of the studio, he suggested I sign up for the beginner class. Next year I want to pursue my teaching certification...YEAH!! I'm so excited. It's probably the first true goal I've made for myself since the WLS occured almost two years ago. I'm almost divorced and now I have a goal for my future. It's something I can sink my teeth into and I am truly looking forward to this.

So it's almost the holiday weekend, it's my Friday to stay after the troops leave, so 2pm I get to go, it's still three hours earlier than most days, so I'm a happy camper anywho! I have no plans, actually K said he's not working Sat or Sun when I asked him and he didn't make plans with me at all :( I'm very sad by this and am almost wondering where I fit into his life. I know he's busy, works a ton, and he's made alot of time for me, but sheesh I wasn't expecting that answer...so yes I'm sad. As for my friend who showed up Friday, he did proposition me, he called me today apologizing, I told him I just don't feel right around him anymore. As for the stbhx, I truly wish he would stay in FL, but he will do what he will do and to be honest I just don't care anymore, at all.

So that's my Wed, no formal exercise as I just got done dinner. I'm bloated, the weather is going to be rainy the next few days and well....

SUMMERS almost over...I'm very sad about this :(

Bad night

I ate something that totally is not agreeing with me! BLAH!! that is how I feel. I have these episodes just every once in a while now, but I never know when they are coming because I had grilled chicken for dinner....YUCK!!

As K says, "some days your the bug, some days your the windshield" right now I feel like throwing up....so I guess I'm the bug....blah....

School is going well for ds2....

K and I are doing great, i miss him in the week but we are both busy.

Tonight I spoke at our WLS support group. I always like helping people out.

Right now I'm going to lie down, i hate this!!

End of summer as my kid knows it...

Tomorrow is the first day of school, he is not a happy camper. Summer for him is over. School starts bright and early tomorrow!

My weekend was nice, Friday night a friend came up and we went on a bike ride, of course then he tried to make amove and I wasn't in for all of that so I put a halt to it abruptly and he took me home. I just dont' understand sometimes why guys do that but....it happens.

Saturday, K and I had lunch, of course he worked all weekend so we squeezed in a few hours here and there to see one another. Another couple of weeks and it will slow down a bit for him. We have talked for hours and I wish i could see him more, but totally understand that he has a job to do.

This afternoon I was relaxing after cutting the grass and finishing up some house work and then viola the x calls, he wants to come back here and live. Guess the grass wasn't as green down there as he wanted and she must not be bringing in enough money for them both..Oh well not myproblem but I am totally not looking forward to him returning here...blah!

Other than that we had beautiful weather for August, the breezes are blowing and it's just perfect. Too bad we can't spend it somewhere on vacation.

My car is still broken, I have to decide if I want to get a new one (which I don't want to) or try and spend tons of money on it and fix it...we'll see lots of thinking to do on that one.

Friday's

are the best. I was in late at work, due to the guy coming out to the house this a.m. He was semi-ontime so I'll take it. I strolled in around quarter to 11 and then viola, boss annouces we are leaving at 3pm. So I finally know what it means to have banker's hours!! Wish all my Friday's were this nice.

Last night, got a text from another friend, someone whom I haven't spoken with since May. Evidently, the nascar is coming back to DE next month, so is he. He want's to have dinner. I feel very awkward about this now and since I was 1/2 asleep texting last night I didn't bring it up. I need to say something. Not going to jeopardize what is going on with k and me, not worth it in my book....

Youngest ds is spending night at his friends, oldest is at work and suddenly I'm by myself again. I have more freedom now from the xh and kids than when I was with the xh since he would never take them anywhere. So what do I do with my newfound freedom tonight? I'm thinking mushy girly movie on couch, maybe a stroll by the river, or.....

well I guess you'll have to wait and see what I did. Right now I'm going to finish my turkey, swiss and tomato on whole grain and see what's going on in the world!!

Almost the weekend

And I am tired. I was falling asleep watching a movie with my son tonight. GAH

Tomorrow I have to take 1/2 day, have some personal business in the a.m. and I totally forgot to take off work. Too much work, too much stress....

Anyhow, I'm munching still, not bad munching, but munching none the less.
I've been enjoying our wonderful weather. It's hard to believe it's August
I'm glad tomrrow is Friday
I'm ready to see my guy....poor guy works way too much
I'm ready to spend some time with the boy before school starts Monday

I'm off to bed, I'm tired....and I feel yuck!

Bad Tuesday

And I found myself last night slipping into stressful eating habits. The good news is I hardly have anything bad in the house to eat, the bad news, I did find a few sweet treats which the sugar counts sent me dumping and to bed early. Resolve, to find other ways to deal with stress. Today is a new day and well I don't want to repeat that episode anytime soon. YUCK

It's hump day, let's celebrate it's all down here from here for the weekend.

Where have I been????

Long time gone again...I've been busy and I've made alot of strides along the way in therapy.

So where do I begin, well school starts next week for ds2, 8th grade. Lots of great things coming his way this year. Last year of middle school and we are trying to get him into his brother's high school (no easy feat I may say). DS1 starts college on the 3rd of Sept. I still can't believe I have a college student for a son!!

Therapy for me has been great, the x moved to FL about 3 weeks ago, currently I believe he is stuck in the middle of this hurricane....worse things could be happening in my life there. My new guy, K and I are doing great, slow but spending more and more time together. We are supposed to go on a boat ride down the Hudson Saturday then to see the man made waterfalls under the NYC bridges then back up, dinner overlooking the NYC skyline at sunset and well the rest will be history. It will be a great day if he can get off work....argh Did I tell you his right hand man screwed up yesterday and didn't show up for work, didn't call and now he's banned from OT the next two weekends. If this screws up our plans, well I'm not going to be a happy camper!

Work is busy, I'm finally getting help. We are interviewing now!! Yippee...I can't wait for this to happen to as it couldn't have come at a worse time for me as I'm almost in the middle of my busy season.

So life is moving along, it's almost the end of August, good god where did the summer go?

My life is great, I'm so happy, I've found myself, who I am, what I love and someone to share alot of it with right now. I couldn't be happier with myself even if I tried.

On the WLS front, I am approaching my 2 years mark, my weight is steady, my muscles are growing, I'm more active in my exercise thanks to my guy, he loves to exercise and I love that he urges me to be a better person in that sense. I've been walking 5 miles every day for over 2 weeks now, I'm back on my balance ball, I am also doing the elliptical at work 3x a week for 30 min. All I need are more weights in my routine and I would be pretty darn well rounded. When I saw the doc a few months back he told me it's all about me, and the quality of exercise I do and how I eat from here on out. I still feel too full when I eat too much, I still have adversions to sugar and white flour and most carbs (bad ones) but that is all good and keeps me and my life in check!!

I am the happiest I have been in years, maybe in my whole life. I really know what I want, how I want to be and I'm starting to make plans for my future. I'm living outside of the 2 week box that I had limited myself to for the last year. I would never make any plans that were over 2 weeks away, in fact I usually limited any plans to a bday party or some family gathering and everything else was a whim. I have a different attitude and how I want to live my life, what I want from it and want to do during it. I have alot of time to accomplish these goals and well I can't wait to get started. The first long term plan, to get in shape to do this triathlon next summer. I have approximately 9 months left to get ready, I don't know about the running yet, my ortho doc and I are working on it, so it might be a futile attempt for me to think about it, but there is a dualathlon also, which is biking and swimming, both of which I can do. I need to dust off my bike, get the tires changed and start riding it instead of the stationary one. There is also Bike to the Bay next Oct, as I could never be ready this year. 75 miles over two days, not sure if it's 75 a day or over two but it's alot further than I could ever imagine riding by this year. So I'm making plans, I'm really involving myself in a life again and I couldn't be happier.

Beautiful weekend

Got to spend the day yesterday with my K, he is wonderful. Makes my heart sing and my face smile. We have such a great time together it's scary...so many things discussed, shared...we laughed, cried and had a wonderful time together..

Life is beautiful!

It's Friday

Thank god it's almost over. Went out last night again, too late, too much going on and I was one tired camper today....I actually turned off the alarm this a.m. and went back to sleep. Thank god I woke up and checked the time as I was almost late! Work was long, it's over and I'm thankful.

Tonight I have a "me" night, nothing going on and I'm ready to pop in the movie and relax...truly relax. Tomorrow is date day, I can't wait....how many times will i say this..lol I can't wait...he is truly one amazing person and I'm glad that I found him or he found me...whichever

It's almost time for back to school to...where did this summer go? It has been excellent!!

Chesapeake river

What a better way to end the evening than to watch the sunset over the Chesapeake Bay. I was able to do this last night. While enjoying a yummy dinner and listening to some sweet music I was able to relax and kick back with the sun. It was a beautiful evening too, cool, low humidity and just a nice night out.

Of course that means no exercise. I really need to get some in this week, so I am planning a walk at lunch. My eating has been good but I just feel blah, I know, I know I need to exercise. You don't have to tell me this!

So today is stbxh birthday, I guess he's still on his bus ride to FL, he called pissy yesterday because our son is was not home to get his call. I'm sorry, he's out enjoying his summer vacation with his friends. I'm so glad he's gone, too good to be true, but alas yes he's gone.

This weekend is great for plans, I'm spending a great day with my sweetie on Sat. Of course he's on nights for the weekend so that stinks but the days are all mine!! SWEET

The weather is going to break tomorrow and I'm ready to enjoy....

D-day

Ok he's leaving, in approximately 1 hour. I'm so over the moon, this has been a very strange year to say the least and the sudden unexpected departure of the stbxh to FL. I hope he finds what he wants there. I'm not sure if he's coming home or not, but it is his life and he'll chose to do whatever. DS2 is going to the beach with his friend for the next few days so that will distract him from his father leaving. I am bracing for the weeks to come when he realizes as I am that I don't think his father is coming home again.

On the WLS front, well I've been having some issues....not sure if they are surgery related or just issues. I'm having horrible pee, really smelly...sorry TMI (but if anyone has anything to add on this!!) and I'm tired. My labs came back normal so I'mnot sure what that is all about. Maybe because I'm just overextending myself all around. I haven't just relaxed in a weekend day in quite a few weeks. It seems it's all or nothing with me anymore.

On my dating front, well I've found one I truly like. We are taking things really slow, almost painfully at some points. I really like him and he I. He works alot and well has quit one job already. We are making plans for a Sat day to do something, what I don't know I just told him to surprise me. I really am enjoying the company of him as we have so many things in common and he is totally understanding (or at least trying) about me and my surgery and the things that go along with it. Those of you who have had know what I am talking about..lol

Exercise, I'm walking almost 4 miles a day. I'm doing the AHA heart walk again this Sept. I need to set up my website today, reminding me to do so.... I am also still working my balance ball, it's really a great workout, but i think I want to try and find another dvd routine to mix it up a bit...I would like to do the Bike to the Bay also next fall, it's a 75 mile one trip to the beach on a bicycle for MS. I have my bike and have been riding but not enough to do this trip, plus I'm not sure my bike would make the ride! My guy is a rider so I'll be asking him soon for some tips and see what he thinks. Who knows maybe next year we can both do the ride!

My other son is getting ready for his first day of college! I still can't believe i have a child going to college. YIKES!

Ok I need to finish getting ready for work, everyone have a great one, I'm so behind on reading everyone's blog I love....soon

Tuesday ramblings

Today we get my youngest ready for yet another vacation this summer.

He's had the best summer this year traveling and just hanging out with his friends. I'm glad that I was able to provide that for him since it's the first since his father and I brokeup.

Weight is stable and I really enjoy the balance ball routines still, they are still challenging enough that I am not bored with it. Although this particular routine takes a bit more time than I am used to.

Food choices are good, carbs are low and natural fruits and veggies are high. I love summertime!!

Work is busy and I am trying not to let the stress of it all get to me....

Doc's office called and my labs are all good, although they did switch up my vitamins, guess they found some work just better than others for us bariatric patients. So the switch is in effect, I do not notice anything different so ok, that has been about 3-4 weeks now.

I did attend support this past month, first since April and that is always good, it makes me feel more centered and grounded. Yes, I do realize I am not the only person to have WLS but sometimes out there is the sea of people I deal with daily it's hard to remember this....

Ok off toget ready have a great one and I will try to be here more often.

It's been a while and things are puttering along

I'm really happy about the outcome of my therapy sessions. It has really put my life and mind in balance and back on track.

I'm back on track with eating and exercise. I just needed a little time and R&R from the stresses of life to get me back on track.

I have a new pic, got a nose piercing my latest crazy endeavour.



I am happy, have a great man in my life, although for a while I didn't think he was going to be there...and all is good in my world...

Another hard session

Tonight was another hard session at therapy, I'm wiped emotionally. I took a long, long walk afterwards at the river because I just needed to clear my head, it always helps to be at the water.

My one gf texted me to go out tomorrow, I think i may, I need a little distraction from this week, it's been long and hard. K called, wanted me to take off tomorrow, but I can't I have work I have to get done. First Friday in a long, long time....so I miss him, but I still don't think he misses me the same....and tomorrow is Friday...my boys are both home and I'm glad they are, but man my house is a disaster also!!!

Till later......

so therapy begins again

I'm back in therapy full time for now, we are delving into areas that real terrify me and are probably the root of all evil and my problems. I'm not ready to write about them yet, but they are mindblowing and scary all at the same time....I don't know if I'm ready for this, but it needs to happen...really.

Here i thought maybe I was going to see her quickly and now we are going down a whole new road of life. Eating stinks today, way way way too many carbs....god I hate how that happens and now I feel bloated and yucky!!!

Tommorrow is a new day!

A new day

I woke up groggy today...but it's a new day and I'm ready to conquer the world...ok as soon as I get some coffee!

I have had a bad few days, resolving some issues with the therapist and I'm sure this is all triggered by the fact that now I have found out that the official divorce papers have been served. It had to come at some point or another, I don't know why stbxh didn't realize this....

Today is a new day, I'm feeling pretty good....

My therapist

Is the rock of my life, I called her out of the blue today after my horrible weekend, she was like come right in after work. So 1 hour later I walk out with a new perspective. Sometimes I think I just need the right person at the right time in my life to talk to. She's the best....worth every penny I pay her too! So I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the week. It's hot and humid and hopefully an end in sight. I'm taking tonight off from exercise to spend with my son who just got home yesterday from his two week stay at my sisters......

Quality time with the boy, tomorrow quality time with both my boys as they both want to see Batman again!!! I'll get to see the parts I was dozing off in last Thursday at midnight :)

Thank you for comments, as you see I thought of that too and called the doc!

Weekend was hard

It was the hardest one I've dealt with in a while...I felt lonely, sad and generally left out of life. I retreated to bed for the day on Saturday and yesterday was no better, although I did get up and do lots of things, cut grass, exercised, took the dog to the river and walked the riverwalk..I tried to find happiness in the little things but it was hard. The self pity and depression are setting in again, I'mwriting but finding no relief in it so far. I think it's time to call the doctor again, even as I write this right now I'm tearing up....I hate when I feel like this!! I thought I had conquered it!!!

Weekend is almost over

and what have I done? Stayed in bed all day yesterday, got a call last night to hang out (which I did) and today I'm up early. It's hotter than blazes here and I would love to go to the river and just hang today. So after I drop off my son, I think I'm packing up a few items, chair, book, suntan lotion and water (lots of it) and heading out, just me!

I had a nice night last night, but I'm still dealing with this emotional baggage, sometimes it kicks me in the butt pretty hard. Today is for me!

Emotional baggage sucks

I have been in an relationship with my husband for 17 years before it ended. He was a emotional abuser, he took great pleasure in bringing me down and laying me out all the time. I did alot of counseling to get myself out of that rut, but sometimes when certain things happen in my life I retreat back to the dark place I used to live in. Today is no exception, I went to bed last night and didn't even get out of the bed until 5pm today. I was depressed and felt like everything was spiraling out of control. So I did what I know how to do, shut down. I hate that I still allow myself this to happen but it does. I've been struggling for a few days now but I guess yesterday with something that didn't happen and did happen it just put it all out there and sent me over the edge. So tonight I'm up, I've showered and took the dog on a long, long walk and watched the sunset over the river, it was very therapeutic and tomorrow I want to have a better day!

Weekend

Is here, I'm off today. Last night me and my oldest went to see Batman, it was great. Today I'm sleepy.

I'm struggling with some emotional baggage the last few days and it always seems like I get my life where I want it then someone comes and spills the apple cart. It will work out and I have a few days to do so by myself.

have a great weekend!

Hump day

Last night was a bust, no formal exercise, but I did walk. It's ok, tonight I'll exercise and I'm getting my hair done. It needs it so bad. Work has been crazy and I'm glad I took off Friday.

My oldest and I are going to see Batman tomorrow night also, he got free passes from work to see the opening show, so I was hoping to be relaxing before the show, but no my date from Sat night rescheduled for tomorrow night. It will be nice though.

Eating has been a bit unplanned lately, hence the low side of the weight scale. But I will say this, the guys I have met and I have told up front about my surgery have been very supportive of this. When you go out to eat with someone and eat like 5 bites (ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit) but you all know what I mean, and they are like is your food bad....well anyway they have been very good about it. I find this to be very refreshing and made it a point to talk with them about it up front, because it is a HUGE part of what and who I am right now and for the rest of my life and if they weren't going to accept it, well then I would be moving on.

The dog days of summer of hitting us...it's going to be horrible for over the next week...blah

He's interested

He's called about 5-6 times in the last few days and texted me too. I always knew he was a sweet man but we'll see how long this lasts. Aren't I horrible. A deveatist against men, always looking for something bad in them. I do enjoy talking with him and learning more about him. He intriques me which says something because he's not just another guy (and hasn't been for me since I first met him). Anyhow, I'm head over heels right now but my guard is still partially up. My gf's think I'm nuts and I'm high on life, just hoping it doesn't come crashing down on me.

I exercised last night, the whole workout, or I probably already mentioned that, I'm getting ready to tonight, I'm down to the low end of my weight right now, my baby is coming home this weekend (2 weeks gone) and my oldest is on his way home now. It will be nice to have my boys with me again and back to normal. It was great having some "me" time but I am ready for them to come home.

Oh and my date from last Sat he wants to go out this Thursday, I do like him too, so I have to decide on a restaurant and quick before he calls me later...lol

I can truly say for the first time in my life I am enjoying myself and know what it means to have a life.....

Someone I'm trying to forget

So I met the bartender guy a bit back, we hit it off and then he totally bailed on me a few weeks back. I had all but forgotten him....until Sat. He told me when he left that he was going to change, to call, and he did today. Not once but twice, we even made plans. But I'm not going to hold my breath. Last time I made plans he totally bailed on me, but I'm all for giving someone another chance, I think that since he didn't do something totally horrible why not. I think in general people are good, they have good intentions and sometimes don't know how to make them work. So we are going to do this again, what am I feeling? Well I've been mulling it all day, I'm confused, I'm scared I will get my feelings hurt again and I'm excited. Good god I keep thinking what am I doing? I do like him, and I know he likes me but does he know how to have any type of relationship? I guess at this point time will tell....

On a bright note, I exercised again, the full workout and I feel damn good...why can't I just get the routine going again?

Well two was all there was....

because he got called into work. He was on call this weekend and I knew this going in so it is what it was.

My gf came down and spent the night instead. She is in a very bad marriage and to be honest it probably did her a world of good. We went out for a bit last night and I ran into my bartender friend. I have done good to avoid him since he finds little or usually no time for me. Of course being the big sucker that I am around him I caved and talked to him, but he knew I was mad at him and made that very clear. Of course I did talk to him more and now I'm confused again. My problem is I really like him, but he has NO time for me. Sometimes I hate myself for picking all the wrong guys. Maybe someday I'll learn from my mistakes. Until then, I keep making them.

Today was fun, the bbq was a good time had by all, it's hot and humid and now the tstorms are rolling in. My oldest son left for his dads for two days again, so I'm alone! I enjoy this, but with all the tumultuous feelings I'm having I wish he were at home.

I'm going to watch a movie and chill.....till later

Two down one to go.....

and this is the one I'm looking forward to the most!! The old saying, Saving the best for last!

Lunch date yesterday was nice, I do like him, but....

Dinner date last night was nice, dinner was delicious and I'm sure we'll be great friends. Just didn't have that something there for me that I'm looking for.

Tonights date is about 1 1/2 hour away, I'm trying to figure out what to wear, how to fix my hair....I want to look nice but casual. I'm really excited about this one, can you tell??

I got up early, cleaned the whole house, vacuumed, bathroom, floors, wash...good god what got into me is beyond me, but I have a great clean house and it's wonderful!! Also, made the day fly by..lol

I even cut the front lawn...I must be ill :)

So tonight we are going to the riverfront, dinner and then whatever. I can't wait....he called today just to say hi and I'm thinking of you!! WOW for me.

Tomorrow is a bbq, then I have to figure out when I'm driving south. I need to do this soon too!

Sunny Saturday and I'm smiling bright!

Weekend

I love the weekends and this one will be different. I have alot of plans for someone who really didn't want any structure to this weekend. Tonight I am having dinner with a guy I met recently, he's cooking. It should actually be a nice relaxing weekend as he stopped by last night and took me for Rita's waterice and some conversation. Tomorrow day I'm free to clean and wash, then I have another date, with a different guy whom I met recently. We are going to dinner on the waterfront and a movie. Sunday is a bbq for my friends fiance andthat should be a blast also. The weather is supposed to be excellent and well to be honest I'm very excited about the whole weekend!