It started out on a great foot, I thought WOW, I am really going to end up having a great time, in the end not so much....just the same old and work....I am unenchanted.
Tonight I had a talk with AJ, I always really enjoyed being with him, but his distance and all lately has put me off, he claims he has given me time to figure things out, seriously I am more upset than happy with that response.
Tonight is definitely not a good night, coming off a weekend of celebration for our country, and I am less than satisfied about everything...life, how the US is running this great country, the "verdict" today, I want so much to be a believer in this country and everything it and we represent but seriously I am having issue with that right now.
I am just not a happy girl right ...................
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Twists and turns
and what I believe I have found out is I am truly perceived quite differently than I think I am. I am truly shocked and saddened to hear how someone perceived the type of person I am. Here I have spent years trying to change the way I am, the misery and pain out of my life and what has it left me, hardened. That is the only word I can think that sums up in one word what was said to me yesterday. So, the big question is.....are M and I over? Who knows, I think in my heart he wishes I were a little less hard. And if so, where do I go from here? Well I march forward as I always have, but this time, finally I have the opportunity of some insight on how an honest person perceived me. I hated to hear these words come out of his mouth, that I like things to be a certain way, that I expect answers on questions that cannot be answered right now, that I am a bad ass (that one hurt the most). What will I take from this, learning, insight. Something to genuinely sink my teeth into and correct. So, he's gone, to the beach with his daughter. He'll be back in a few days, and then I guess we'll see if he still has interest. I'm not holding my breath but pushing forward in my life right now, because it's the only thing I can do!
As I sat numbly watching the fireworks last night, I realized that this life I am leading is not the one I had envisioned for myself, but also the reality of what I thought and the reality of what is being seen are two different things.
As I sat numbly watching the fireworks last night, I realized that this life I am leading is not the one I had envisioned for myself, but also the reality of what I thought and the reality of what is being seen are two different things.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Life can throw you lemons when you least expect it....
as far as I knew everything seemed to be going great for M and I, until today. I have no clue what happened or why it happened but something has. This is probably the main reason I will probably always remain single, because I haven't a clue.
So, I'm off tonight, by myself once again, to see some fireworks and hopefully enjoy the evening!
So, I'm off tonight, by myself once again, to see some fireworks and hopefully enjoy the evening!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Hump Day
Can you say, three days left this week! I can, wow I love the short weeks. Work implemented a casual attire dress code for the summer. Let me tell you it was very easy to wake up yesterday and throw on jeans and a shirt and dash off to work. I felt so much more relaxed. This is gonna be a nice summer in that aspect!
Weekend, ended on tired note. Here I strived for a low key weekend and it was full of activities and fun and some thing I wanted to get done in the house. I have my garden planted, it looks great. The last two days have been cloudy and rainy so that will really help set those plants/bushes I planted. I need to go snap a pic of my creation. I love to work outside in the dirt, there is something very therapeutic about it.
Monday night we saw T3 - I enjoyed it and especially the person picked to play John Connor. I will say Christian Bale has had his deal with issues or whatever, but darn he is really some nice eye candy in the movie. He is busy it seems with quite a few movie projects right now.
I have some new things going on in my life right also, not quite ready to put them out there but there is smiles and fun on the horizon.....
more soon, sorry to be so cryptic
Weekend, ended on tired note. Here I strived for a low key weekend and it was full of activities and fun and some thing I wanted to get done in the house. I have my garden planted, it looks great. The last two days have been cloudy and rainy so that will really help set those plants/bushes I planted. I need to go snap a pic of my creation. I love to work outside in the dirt, there is something very therapeutic about it.
Monday night we saw T3 - I enjoyed it and especially the person picked to play John Connor. I will say Christian Bale has had his deal with issues or whatever, but darn he is really some nice eye candy in the movie. He is busy it seems with quite a few movie projects right now.
I have some new things going on in my life right also, not quite ready to put them out there but there is smiles and fun on the horizon.....
more soon, sorry to be so cryptic
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The middle of the long weekend
Woke up really early today, was able to get alot accomplished already since the oldest is working and the youngest is at a sleepover. The weather has been just perfect for this long holiday weekend, which is quite opposite of the norm for this holiday weekend. I need to get out and cut the grass, but I have no motivation right this moment so I thought I would pop in here! I have not gone anywhere or really made any plans as my June is going to be quite busy on most weekends, so mostly housework, working on my garden (I'm building up my backyard one) and just general hanging out and enjoying the down time.
School is almost over for the year for the youngest, graduating 8th grade in a few weeks and then he has his summer. I've noticed over the past month that he has contacted his father less and less. I'm sure partly is from the outcome of the custody battle that I won (which excludes his father from any custody) and his constant lying to the boy about what happened and why. It reall is a sad thing.
As for S and I, well we've had quite a long stretch now where we haven't seen one another. We worked through the issues of this, although maybe I'm not quite sure it's over (the issues that is), he is coming up the weekend of the 5th and I can say honestly I'm very glad he is. Although in the back of my mind I always wonder. We are heading down to Baltimore for this visit, another great city which he has never been to.
As for me, well I'm down 5 lb, been working out more, walking alot and just taking care of me! I'm officially 2 1/2 years out now and while it's not always easy, it is the path I've chosen. I think that my life would have been stuck in the same revolving pattern of discontent had I not chosen to do this. My health and wellbeing are intact and the head does seem to finally catch up with the rest of it, eventually. But I can honestly say some days I'm still a little taken aback by the changes that I've gone through.
Ok, before it gets too hot, I'm off to cut the lawn, good exercise!!
Enjoy the holiday and remember what this is about, those who fight or have fought for our country, the ones who take the lead and take care of us when the world is not quite right!
School is almost over for the year for the youngest, graduating 8th grade in a few weeks and then he has his summer. I've noticed over the past month that he has contacted his father less and less. I'm sure partly is from the outcome of the custody battle that I won (which excludes his father from any custody) and his constant lying to the boy about what happened and why. It reall is a sad thing.
As for S and I, well we've had quite a long stretch now where we haven't seen one another. We worked through the issues of this, although maybe I'm not quite sure it's over (the issues that is), he is coming up the weekend of the 5th and I can say honestly I'm very glad he is. Although in the back of my mind I always wonder. We are heading down to Baltimore for this visit, another great city which he has never been to.
As for me, well I'm down 5 lb, been working out more, walking alot and just taking care of me! I'm officially 2 1/2 years out now and while it's not always easy, it is the path I've chosen. I think that my life would have been stuck in the same revolving pattern of discontent had I not chosen to do this. My health and wellbeing are intact and the head does seem to finally catch up with the rest of it, eventually. But I can honestly say some days I'm still a little taken aback by the changes that I've gone through.
Ok, before it gets too hot, I'm off to cut the lawn, good exercise!!
Enjoy the holiday and remember what this is about, those who fight or have fought for our country, the ones who take the lead and take care of us when the world is not quite right!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
It's almost over...........
2008 is drawing to a close, Christmas is done and in my past. I had my tv picture die Christmas morning, my computer died also the day after. What could possibly be right in my world? I had my children home, my health, my family and 4 days off!! lol We have done so much, visited so many and well just have been doing things. Today I got some cleaning, some much needed wash and no groceries purchased....I go back to work for 3 days and well I need a little normalcy in my life right now. We have another 3 day week which is perfect but then again the next holiday is the worst for me, it brings with it a reminder of a failed marriage as my anniversary was new years eve.
I have grown so much this year as a person, not just someone who went through WLS and came out a victor, defied the odds which seem to be dwindling to less long term survivors of actual loss than not. I was just speaking with someone in my support group this week regarding the number of people who remain a success is lower than it was a year ago, this really saddens me as this is FOREVER. This is not a quick fix, we go through such alot to get to the point of insurance approvals and whatnot to just throw it away with overeating, eating the wrong things or whatever it is to allow yourself to go back and gain weight! I am mad too at people's lazy attitude that this will fix you and you never have to do anything to help it along! BS, that is all I can say. I have worked hard, eating right, exercise, of course there are days when I let both fly out the window but overall I work at this, I was given a tool and have learned how to use it, and make it work for me. At 2 years out I am still amazed that I am maintaining a 135-140 lb body, from a former fattie, 260 or so lbs tipping the scales. Now I know some of you who read regularly say, yeah 260 she was a lightweight, but it didn't come without the complications of a partial knee replacement, high blood pressure, reflux, and assorted other ailments that have all but left me completely. I find solace after a trying day in yoga, exercise, pumping it up, letting my body guide me not me guide the body as I was before. I'm still springing up and down my stairs at home which sometimes still amazes me as before I could barely get up them without either one - being winded or two - being in tremendous pain from the bad knees (even after surgery).
I have been through a divorce (and not a nice one at that) I have moved the ex out of my home, life and dependancy. I have made it through lay offs at work (which I hope are done) I have made it over 2 years on my own now, through weight loss and being my own provider for me and my children. I have found out that I can do this on my own, without the help of a man, I don't need a man in my life. I have become independant, happy and full of life. I have been through many ups and downs in my dating life this year. Finding myself falling back into the same rut of dating the wrong people, the unemotionally available ones, finding the strength to walk away from these toxic relationships sooner rather than later. I have found myself, the girl who was lost and hidden inside of myself, the girl that this blog is about, the girl who was hiding inside of me all these years, hidden by layers of fat and grief and putdowns, emotional abuse and just things that I have did or allowed myself to become. I have broken free one layer at a time, but who is emerging is a new and different person, one is alot stronger than I ever thought she could be, one who is capable of forgiving, loving and giving back even when it is not given in return. I have peeled off layers and found that the girl I thought was in there is actually someone alot different but I love her just the same if not more! :)
There are alot of blogs where I have touched on this subject. Again, I was faced with disappointment by someone I care for, someone who I had allowed in my life to share things with, I was hoping he was the one, but then again on the 24th, my gf showed me something (which was later denied as to happening) and that broke it for me, I am sad, grief has been a big thing for me this year of 2008, but with all this grief I have grown, grown stronger, grown up in more ways than I could ever imagine. I have lost lots of people who I thought were good in my life, but have found twice as many new ones that are more positive and enrich me in ways I never knew were possible.
So to all who have touched my life, whether in real life, on the internet, whether you ever comment or just read and support me from near and afar, I raise my glass to you, may you have the best holiday season and I wish you and yours Happy Holidays! Let 2009 be everything you set out to make it!
I have grown so much this year as a person, not just someone who went through WLS and came out a victor, defied the odds which seem to be dwindling to less long term survivors of actual loss than not. I was just speaking with someone in my support group this week regarding the number of people who remain a success is lower than it was a year ago, this really saddens me as this is FOREVER. This is not a quick fix, we go through such alot to get to the point of insurance approvals and whatnot to just throw it away with overeating, eating the wrong things or whatever it is to allow yourself to go back and gain weight! I am mad too at people's lazy attitude that this will fix you and you never have to do anything to help it along! BS, that is all I can say. I have worked hard, eating right, exercise, of course there are days when I let both fly out the window but overall I work at this, I was given a tool and have learned how to use it, and make it work for me. At 2 years out I am still amazed that I am maintaining a 135-140 lb body, from a former fattie, 260 or so lbs tipping the scales. Now I know some of you who read regularly say, yeah 260 she was a lightweight, but it didn't come without the complications of a partial knee replacement, high blood pressure, reflux, and assorted other ailments that have all but left me completely. I find solace after a trying day in yoga, exercise, pumping it up, letting my body guide me not me guide the body as I was before. I'm still springing up and down my stairs at home which sometimes still amazes me as before I could barely get up them without either one - being winded or two - being in tremendous pain from the bad knees (even after surgery).
I have been through a divorce (and not a nice one at that) I have moved the ex out of my home, life and dependancy. I have made it through lay offs at work (which I hope are done) I have made it over 2 years on my own now, through weight loss and being my own provider for me and my children. I have found out that I can do this on my own, without the help of a man, I don't need a man in my life. I have become independant, happy and full of life. I have been through many ups and downs in my dating life this year. Finding myself falling back into the same rut of dating the wrong people, the unemotionally available ones, finding the strength to walk away from these toxic relationships sooner rather than later. I have found myself, the girl who was lost and hidden inside of myself, the girl that this blog is about, the girl who was hiding inside of me all these years, hidden by layers of fat and grief and putdowns, emotional abuse and just things that I have did or allowed myself to become. I have broken free one layer at a time, but who is emerging is a new and different person, one is alot stronger than I ever thought she could be, one who is capable of forgiving, loving and giving back even when it is not given in return. I have peeled off layers and found that the girl I thought was in there is actually someone alot different but I love her just the same if not more! :)
There are alot of blogs where I have touched on this subject. Again, I was faced with disappointment by someone I care for, someone who I had allowed in my life to share things with, I was hoping he was the one, but then again on the 24th, my gf showed me something (which was later denied as to happening) and that broke it for me, I am sad, grief has been a big thing for me this year of 2008, but with all this grief I have grown, grown stronger, grown up in more ways than I could ever imagine. I have lost lots of people who I thought were good in my life, but have found twice as many new ones that are more positive and enrich me in ways I never knew were possible.
So to all who have touched my life, whether in real life, on the internet, whether you ever comment or just read and support me from near and afar, I raise my glass to you, may you have the best holiday season and I wish you and yours Happy Holidays! Let 2009 be everything you set out to make it!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Just sipping coffee and........
trying to figure out how I am going to get eveything that needs to be done in the next two days done! I have the shopping done, I will wrap tomorrow while watching some football! I have to pickup two more items that I remembered when I got up this a.m. but there are close and it's easy! I am going downstate later today, to spend time with my guy and I have a turkey from work I need to cook too at some point! I've got cleaning, wash and just the regular things to accomplish also, plus at some point I need to get to the grocery store (BAD)....life is just too busy and we wonder why we get all stressed out at Christmas!! HA
I do love this holiday, the pretty lights, the comraderie that comes out in people, but the busyiness and rush, rush that I put myself through year after year is probably not good for me. I will say though last night I was able to accomplish a tremendous amount of shopping and although I was tired, I was feeling good the whole time! I love to give, I don't expect anything ever in return and just love to pick out that special something for someone. Anal me, I go with a list, add and subtract as I am shopping and keep everything in order so the boys are even and everything else. Today, I'm off to Best Buy, Wii is on the list as the last BIG gift for the family. I know I am going to enjoy this as much as they will!
So, cup of coffee number 2 now and I'm off to the races!
Enjoy the weekend!
I do love this holiday, the pretty lights, the comraderie that comes out in people, but the busyiness and rush, rush that I put myself through year after year is probably not good for me. I will say though last night I was able to accomplish a tremendous amount of shopping and although I was tired, I was feeling good the whole time! I love to give, I don't expect anything ever in return and just love to pick out that special something for someone. Anal me, I go with a list, add and subtract as I am shopping and keep everything in order so the boys are even and everything else. Today, I'm off to Best Buy, Wii is on the list as the last BIG gift for the family. I know I am going to enjoy this as much as they will!
So, cup of coffee number 2 now and I'm off to the races!
Enjoy the weekend!
Friday, December 12, 2008
What a trying day
I am still hurting...my side especially. The wrist seems ok but the side..owie still
I am sure to have black and blue marks soon, a couple of shots of Jack tonight and all will be well! lol I can't worry about this, but damn I wish I were in my honey's house right now soaking in his whirlpool tub!!
So we are trying to create a great Christmas scene at home...I found this...
but we ended up with this....
and this....
and I am very pleased with it all.
I can't wait to finish Christmas shopping, of course like all those who are waiting for the last minute, yes I will be joining you once again this year as I just worked out the finances to allow me to shop next weekend...so yes, Virginia (or shall I say David and Nick) there is a Santa Claus!!
I am listening to Tori Amos - Winter, it's freezing here. I am enjoying this weekend once again...oh on a side note, one of my friends from TX invited me to join them in Vegas this weekend at the Hard Rock...geez why couldn't they have told me a week in advance...I would have loved to visit Vegas...never been but I am going to get there sooner or later...I hope sooner!!
So off to enjoy this weekend, pains and aches and all!
I am sure to have black and blue marks soon, a couple of shots of Jack tonight and all will be well! lol I can't worry about this, but damn I wish I were in my honey's house right now soaking in his whirlpool tub!!
So we are trying to create a great Christmas scene at home...I found this...
but we ended up with this....
and this....
and I am very pleased with it all.
I can't wait to finish Christmas shopping, of course like all those who are waiting for the last minute, yes I will be joining you once again this year as I just worked out the finances to allow me to shop next weekend...so yes, Virginia (or shall I say David and Nick) there is a Santa Claus!!
I am listening to Tori Amos - Winter, it's freezing here. I am enjoying this weekend once again...oh on a side note, one of my friends from TX invited me to join them in Vegas this weekend at the Hard Rock...geez why couldn't they have told me a week in advance...I would have loved to visit Vegas...never been but I am going to get there sooner or later...I hope sooner!!
So off to enjoy this weekend, pains and aches and all!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Long weekends and such.............
Well here we are the long holiday weekend and I have no plans. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I can't believe it. Tomorrow my oldest son and I have to pickup his books for college and we are going to work out....cleaning, laundry, what an exciting weekend I have lined up huh! NOT...
I almost feel out of sorts, the summer is ending (unofficially) and well I'm just starting again to get those feelings of the changes yet to come soon. The sun is shining less, the days are growing shorter. I truly love fall and all the colors and changes with the weather, but in a cliche I hate it too, because of the shorter days and the colder weather that is coming afterward. I really hate winter. I can't stand it!
I am down in weight, a few days with fresh fruits and lots of veggies, good eating and theweight is right back off. I have to say I love my surgery for this reason. As soon as I get a little out of control, I reign it in, eat sensibly again and of course the ongoing exercise and well i'm right back where I need to be.
I am hoping to meet a good personal trainer also when we go to the gym. I would love to spend some quality time with a personal trainer to help me target specific areas on myself so that I can improve my overall self. I am also starting on the 8th of Sept my yoga classes. A whole month of some pretty intensive learning. I will be going three times a week until the first week of Oct. Then I will continue with regular classes until Mar or Apr and then onto the teachers certification.
That should be enough to keep me busy, preoccupied with what is going on around me and i hope to change the way I feel about the seasonal changes that I dread year in and year out. I really need to work on moving to a warmer climate!
Hope you all have a happy Labor Day weekend, enjoy your time off!
I almost feel out of sorts, the summer is ending (unofficially) and well I'm just starting again to get those feelings of the changes yet to come soon. The sun is shining less, the days are growing shorter. I truly love fall and all the colors and changes with the weather, but in a cliche I hate it too, because of the shorter days and the colder weather that is coming afterward. I really hate winter. I can't stand it!
I am down in weight, a few days with fresh fruits and lots of veggies, good eating and theweight is right back off. I have to say I love my surgery for this reason. As soon as I get a little out of control, I reign it in, eat sensibly again and of course the ongoing exercise and well i'm right back where I need to be.
I am hoping to meet a good personal trainer also when we go to the gym. I would love to spend some quality time with a personal trainer to help me target specific areas on myself so that I can improve my overall self. I am also starting on the 8th of Sept my yoga classes. A whole month of some pretty intensive learning. I will be going three times a week until the first week of Oct. Then I will continue with regular classes until Mar or Apr and then onto the teachers certification.
That should be enough to keep me busy, preoccupied with what is going on around me and i hope to change the way I feel about the seasonal changes that I dread year in and year out. I really need to work on moving to a warmer climate!
Hope you all have a happy Labor Day weekend, enjoy your time off!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Because you are beautiful
I had lunch with my honey today. It was great to see him and spend some time with him. While we were at lunch evidently he sent a huge bouquet of flowers to me at work, which were delivered while I was out. All the girls in the office were gaga to see who they were from except my bff, she knew :)
So we spent 2 hours (yes I took long lunch) and had a great time. I miss him alot with all the work he's been doing. He's even working this weekend. Hopefully it will ease up soon and we can spend some real quality time together.
With that said, no big plans for the holiday weekend. In fact, I'm the late person tomorrow at work, if you count 2pm as being late..lol Everyone else gets to leave at 12noon
I'm feeling a whole heck of a lot better from the other night, glad it was mild but man it was nasty. Just a friendly reminder to me that I have had surgery and need to watch what I eat, although I don't believe I could have prevented that episode. I'm on the high side of where I like to weigh right now also, bought more fresh fruits and veggies and am working on getting it back down.
Am going to take a class on Sat and Monday at the new studio. I'm very excited for this whole process to start. I can't believe I am actually going to work in the exercise field. It's weird to think of that because I used to be the fat obese girl who couldn't get out of my own way!! lol Anyhow, things are good.....the kids are great and I'm looking forward to the long weekend off!
So we spent 2 hours (yes I took long lunch) and had a great time. I miss him alot with all the work he's been doing. He's even working this weekend. Hopefully it will ease up soon and we can spend some real quality time together.
With that said, no big plans for the holiday weekend. In fact, I'm the late person tomorrow at work, if you count 2pm as being late..lol Everyone else gets to leave at 12noon
I'm feeling a whole heck of a lot better from the other night, glad it was mild but man it was nasty. Just a friendly reminder to me that I have had surgery and need to watch what I eat, although I don't believe I could have prevented that episode. I'm on the high side of where I like to weigh right now also, bought more fresh fruits and veggies and am working on getting it back down.
Am going to take a class on Sat and Monday at the new studio. I'm very excited for this whole process to start. I can't believe I am actually going to work in the exercise field. It's weird to think of that because I used to be the fat obese girl who couldn't get out of my own way!! lol Anyhow, things are good.....the kids are great and I'm looking forward to the long weekend off!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Valentines - Post op
I never really thought about the amount of candy I would consume on Valentines Day until today, or should I say this year. I would buy my children all my favorite candy when they were little, so I could sneak a taste or two, or five or six or whatever ungodly amount I would consume. I never really realized that I never bought the candy for them at Valentines or Easter or any other holiday for that matter, but I would pick out all my favorites, instilling in them that they were also their favorites...yeah right...well anyhow, this year, there is no candy. Boy2 wants an ipod case and something else, boy1 wants gas money. How times have changed and I had decided to just ask them, I love my boys more than life itself and if buying them one thing they would "love" to have then I feel like an accomplished mother.
Happy Valentines to all my friends out there!
Happy Valentines to all my friends out there!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy New Year
No resolutions will be made for next year, my main goal is to be a loving, good mother, a friend, healthy and to try out new things that I would never have imagined myself doing in the past.
My honey and I are staying in tonight, I have a sinus infection and he is getting sick. We are making a nice dinner and watching movies. I'm sure we'll both be fast asleep before the ball drops at midnight....what a great New Years Eve date I'll be. I'm glad we didn't make plans to go out though as I would totally not be up for it tonight. We unfortunately spent the whole weekend resting and sleeping, I missed going to Philly for the extra in the movie Sat morning and only spent one hour at my gf's party. I was wiped and am still feeling bad, however in order to be paid for my holiday tomorrow I have to be here today and tomorrow!! I just hope the day goes by fast!
I haven't exercised in almost a week now with this miserable cold....I HATE BEING sick....it's one of the most uncomfortable coughing, sneezing sickness' that have come around in a long time. I hear lots of people out there are sick now and it's spreading around. How fun!! NOT
My roommate moved most of her things out on Sunday and she'll be out entirely by this Sat. I'm glad but will have to tighten my purse strings again, no biggie at least I won't be feeding them and it's not like she contributed alot of $$ anyhow.
Overall 2007 has been a time of growing, learning and finding what makes me tick, happy, sad etc. It's been a rollercoaster ride and I wouldn't trade it in for the world. I'm leaving behind sad memories, happy memories, a separation and the luck of finding a new man to spend my time with. My children have continued to bring me happiness and joy and of course sorrow too sometimes but I am proud to be their mother and proud of what great young men they are becoming.
Wishing you and your families out there a prosperous, healthy and fun 2008!!
My honey and I are staying in tonight, I have a sinus infection and he is getting sick. We are making a nice dinner and watching movies. I'm sure we'll both be fast asleep before the ball drops at midnight....what a great New Years Eve date I'll be. I'm glad we didn't make plans to go out though as I would totally not be up for it tonight. We unfortunately spent the whole weekend resting and sleeping, I missed going to Philly for the extra in the movie Sat morning and only spent one hour at my gf's party. I was wiped and am still feeling bad, however in order to be paid for my holiday tomorrow I have to be here today and tomorrow!! I just hope the day goes by fast!
I haven't exercised in almost a week now with this miserable cold....I HATE BEING sick....it's one of the most uncomfortable coughing, sneezing sickness' that have come around in a long time. I hear lots of people out there are sick now and it's spreading around. How fun!! NOT
My roommate moved most of her things out on Sunday and she'll be out entirely by this Sat. I'm glad but will have to tighten my purse strings again, no biggie at least I won't be feeding them and it's not like she contributed alot of $$ anyhow.
Overall 2007 has been a time of growing, learning and finding what makes me tick, happy, sad etc. It's been a rollercoaster ride and I wouldn't trade it in for the world. I'm leaving behind sad memories, happy memories, a separation and the luck of finding a new man to spend my time with. My children have continued to bring me happiness and joy and of course sorrow too sometimes but I am proud to be their mother and proud of what great young men they are becoming.
Wishing you and your families out there a prosperous, healthy and fun 2008!!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Thursday
Couldn't come soon enough this week. I am coming down with the cold that has been passed around my home and work for the last few weeks. Woke up this a.m. with the scratchy, sore throat, yuck!! I'm all congested and trying to survive the last hour here at work. I am very excited though as I have a hair appointment tonight, I just wish it were earlier than 7:30 but I will prevail because I need my hair cut in a bad way.
Today was a busy, productive day. I didn't manage to get up and get my exercise in however, I think the extra 1/2 hour of sleep was warranted based on how I am feeling. Maybe tomorrow if I can shake some of this crud I will definitely get some new yoga in. I got two new dvd's for christmas and haven't had a chance to try them out yet! I have done excellent eating this holiday season, although no foods really bother me, except for the gas and carbs combination from hell, I have gained nothing and even managed to lose a few more lbs. I'm going to need new clothes again as some of the ones I've been wearing are getting big again, even after I had the pants taken in at the waist. They are ballooning around my legs and I look like a bad impression of I Dream of Jeannie...lol
We are coming to the end of the busy season here at work, thank god is all I can say about that one, combined with the separation, and all the other crap going on in my life the last few months have been a real feat of juggling on my part. How I have kept my head together during some of it is really amazing even to myself!! One more hurdle, New Years Eve, which is our anniversary. I'm sure something will come up that I won't want to deal with but whatever, it's part of the healing/divorce process and it's bound to happen more often than not with this one. We have decided to stay in on NYE and have a nice dinner, maybe watch a movie or two and hopefully drift off to sleep while trying to stay up and watch the ball drop. It's our first NYE together me and my new guy. He really is a rock in my life that holds me together when the "shit hits the fan" called my STBXH.
The kids are both home that night also, so hopefully they will come up with some fun things for us to do....instead of the standard, "I am bored" My sister is coming in Feb from Greece, I can't wait to see her, she's been gone since end of July and now she's coming home married and bringing the new husband who've we have all spoken with but only mom has met so far. I can't wait to meet him. Things are progressing nicely for their wedding here in July and I am very excited for this because truthfully I never thought my little sister would ever, ever get married.
I am going to Philly Sat and being an extra in a movie they are shooting at a church, a nice little chunk of change for a few hours of dressing nice and looking pretty, get my name in the credits and well hopefully it will be alot of fun and I'll get to meet some really cool people. I hope I truly feel better by then also!!
Back on plan with eating, cutting back, oh so way back on the carbs....they are evil and well just don't like me, thank god the holiday eating is almost over, one more party Sat and I'm done till next year!!
Today was a busy, productive day. I didn't manage to get up and get my exercise in however, I think the extra 1/2 hour of sleep was warranted based on how I am feeling. Maybe tomorrow if I can shake some of this crud I will definitely get some new yoga in. I got two new dvd's for christmas and haven't had a chance to try them out yet! I have done excellent eating this holiday season, although no foods really bother me, except for the gas and carbs combination from hell, I have gained nothing and even managed to lose a few more lbs. I'm going to need new clothes again as some of the ones I've been wearing are getting big again, even after I had the pants taken in at the waist. They are ballooning around my legs and I look like a bad impression of I Dream of Jeannie...lol
We are coming to the end of the busy season here at work, thank god is all I can say about that one, combined with the separation, and all the other crap going on in my life the last few months have been a real feat of juggling on my part. How I have kept my head together during some of it is really amazing even to myself!! One more hurdle, New Years Eve, which is our anniversary. I'm sure something will come up that I won't want to deal with but whatever, it's part of the healing/divorce process and it's bound to happen more often than not with this one. We have decided to stay in on NYE and have a nice dinner, maybe watch a movie or two and hopefully drift off to sleep while trying to stay up and watch the ball drop. It's our first NYE together me and my new guy. He really is a rock in my life that holds me together when the "shit hits the fan" called my STBXH.
The kids are both home that night also, so hopefully they will come up with some fun things for us to do....instead of the standard, "I am bored" My sister is coming in Feb from Greece, I can't wait to see her, she's been gone since end of July and now she's coming home married and bringing the new husband who've we have all spoken with but only mom has met so far. I can't wait to meet him. Things are progressing nicely for their wedding here in July and I am very excited for this because truthfully I never thought my little sister would ever, ever get married.
I am going to Philly Sat and being an extra in a movie they are shooting at a church, a nice little chunk of change for a few hours of dressing nice and looking pretty, get my name in the credits and well hopefully it will be alot of fun and I'll get to meet some really cool people. I hope I truly feel better by then also!!
Back on plan with eating, cutting back, oh so way back on the carbs....they are evil and well just don't like me, thank god the holiday eating is almost over, one more party Sat and I'm done till next year!!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The Day After
Is tiring, I can't believe I didn't save vacation time to have off today as I feel like the walking dead. We all had a great whirlwind of activity the last few days and everyone was happy and satisfied at the end of the day except the STBXh....he is a whole different story.
Christmas Eve was spent with my father and his gf and her family, it was a nice quiet ending to a hectic day with good food and company. Everyone disbanded early home and I was asleep by 10:30 which was nice, of course Christmas morning the youngest boy was up with the dawn, good god he's 13 stay in bed until at least 7 if possible!! So off to open gifts, with his brother grudginly awakening before his time....then the scattering of the children happened, the oldest went to his dad's for the day and evening, the youngest wanted to go over his dad's early to see what he got there, of course his father looked at it as I wanted him out so I could spend more time with my guy and his family, which was certainly untrue....so it evolved into a big fight and of course I was really close to calling the cops again, even the boy said "dad c'mon let's go" and of course he doesn't listen so a big to do about nothing erupted as usual. Now is the time to finish filing for the divorce along with the restraining order and the visitation rights and what he can and cannot do (like just walk into my home uninvited).....
We were off to my guys house to spend time with his family, it was a nice low key day which was perfect. He got me a ton of really great gifts....so I have definitely met a guy who has a big heart for such a short time knowing him. We had a great time overall and I'm glad the holidays are over, they are exhausting!!
Hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and keep safe during the rest of this holiday season.
Christmas Eve was spent with my father and his gf and her family, it was a nice quiet ending to a hectic day with good food and company. Everyone disbanded early home and I was asleep by 10:30 which was nice, of course Christmas morning the youngest boy was up with the dawn, good god he's 13 stay in bed until at least 7 if possible!! So off to open gifts, with his brother grudginly awakening before his time....then the scattering of the children happened, the oldest went to his dad's for the day and evening, the youngest wanted to go over his dad's early to see what he got there, of course his father looked at it as I wanted him out so I could spend more time with my guy and his family, which was certainly untrue....so it evolved into a big fight and of course I was really close to calling the cops again, even the boy said "dad c'mon let's go" and of course he doesn't listen so a big to do about nothing erupted as usual. Now is the time to finish filing for the divorce along with the restraining order and the visitation rights and what he can and cannot do (like just walk into my home uninvited).....
We were off to my guys house to spend time with his family, it was a nice low key day which was perfect. He got me a ton of really great gifts....so I have definitely met a guy who has a big heart for such a short time knowing him. We had a great time overall and I'm glad the holidays are over, they are exhausting!!
Hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and keep safe during the rest of this holiday season.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
One week and counting
I have two more gifts to buy and I'm done. Tonight is dedicated to wrapping until I can't or it's done whichever comes first..lol After that I can relax and enjoy the rest of the season!!
I have three big food challenges coming up this weekend into Christmas. Saturday we are attending a holiday party, full of good foods and of course I'm sure lots of them will be bad, bad, bad for the WLS patient. I am hoping to get in a good, healthy snack before we go and then it will help curb the binge eating of carbs I tend to do, more so even lately. I really need to stop with the carbs, they wreak havoc on my digestive system and well to be quite frank they make me gassy, but does that stop me, nope!! Also, Hershey's has come out (well not exactly new but) with a cherry cordial kiss. OMG they are a little slice of heaven on earth, if I could only stop with one every now and again, but no I think I had about 10 yesterday through the day and night....good lord I need to step away from the sweets. Again this morning I did not get up and exercise. That is two days in a row and truthfully I'm exhausted but know this is absolutely no reason not to take care of me which is the priority!! My youngest ds is still home sick, poor baby is coughing and the meds are breaking up the congestion but it makes him sound worse than he probably actually is. He's home again on the couch today, hopefully he'll be able to make it back to school tomorrow. I hope he's well for the holidays but from what I've seen of the colds and bugs going around in our area, well it comes and goes and then comes back with a vengeance.
Today at least I got a roast in the crock pot, with all the hectic work at the holidays I've been a little more slack on planning out my dinner meals timely so we are either eating very late, or having something less than desirable on the spur. Not a good plan for any person, let alone a WLS patient. So if we can all make it through the next two weeks we can all get back on track and move forward. That's my plan!!
I have three big food challenges coming up this weekend into Christmas. Saturday we are attending a holiday party, full of good foods and of course I'm sure lots of them will be bad, bad, bad for the WLS patient. I am hoping to get in a good, healthy snack before we go and then it will help curb the binge eating of carbs I tend to do, more so even lately. I really need to stop with the carbs, they wreak havoc on my digestive system and well to be quite frank they make me gassy, but does that stop me, nope!! Also, Hershey's has come out (well not exactly new but) with a cherry cordial kiss. OMG they are a little slice of heaven on earth, if I could only stop with one every now and again, but no I think I had about 10 yesterday through the day and night....good lord I need to step away from the sweets. Again this morning I did not get up and exercise. That is two days in a row and truthfully I'm exhausted but know this is absolutely no reason not to take care of me which is the priority!! My youngest ds is still home sick, poor baby is coughing and the meds are breaking up the congestion but it makes him sound worse than he probably actually is. He's home again on the couch today, hopefully he'll be able to make it back to school tomorrow. I hope he's well for the holidays but from what I've seen of the colds and bugs going around in our area, well it comes and goes and then comes back with a vengeance.
Today at least I got a roast in the crock pot, with all the hectic work at the holidays I've been a little more slack on planning out my dinner meals timely so we are either eating very late, or having something less than desirable on the spur. Not a good plan for any person, let alone a WLS patient. So if we can all make it through the next two weeks we can all get back on track and move forward. That's my plan!!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Getting ready for the big day
So the countdown is on, one week and counting till old St Nick comes to see all good little boys and girls...lol I did manage to get a bunch of my christmas shopping done this weekend, which was excellent. Now I have to wrap it all :) I do still need to run out and get a few last things but it shouldn't take that long.
Spent a nice weekend with the kids but with my honey. We had a very nice time all weekend hanging out and doing things together. Sat was the funeral, it was a very emotional time for the family but it was a beautiful service. The rest of the time we didn't plan anything and just did things as they got done, not that we got everything we wanted to done, but it's ok as it was a nice time. The big nor'easter never materialized, we got heavy rain on Sat night and it was cleared out by midday Sunday. All in all the weather wasn't too terrible until those cold winds came in, now it's downright frigid and bitter, biting cold. brrrrrr
This week and the next will be the culmination of our busiest season of the year, I personally cannot wait until it's over and we move into the new year work wise...but not to rush things. Next Monday we work 1/2 day and then me, the kids and my honey will be spending the evening with my dad, his gf and her family for Christmas eve. NYE discussions came up, and since I do have to work again that day, plus both kids are with me since it's a Monday evening so we've opted for a nice quiet in with a nice dinner and just relaxing and maybe if we are lucky we'll be up to see the ball drop..lol
I've been maintaining my weight lately, which I'm very happy with. I think I've found the happy medium of eating, exercise and my head...which is not an easy place to go to. Exercise has been good and I've been investing in more yoga tapes as they are my faves right now and make me feel the best.
Spent a nice weekend with the kids but with my honey. We had a very nice time all weekend hanging out and doing things together. Sat was the funeral, it was a very emotional time for the family but it was a beautiful service. The rest of the time we didn't plan anything and just did things as they got done, not that we got everything we wanted to done, but it's ok as it was a nice time. The big nor'easter never materialized, we got heavy rain on Sat night and it was cleared out by midday Sunday. All in all the weather wasn't too terrible until those cold winds came in, now it's downright frigid and bitter, biting cold. brrrrrr
This week and the next will be the culmination of our busiest season of the year, I personally cannot wait until it's over and we move into the new year work wise...but not to rush things. Next Monday we work 1/2 day and then me, the kids and my honey will be spending the evening with my dad, his gf and her family for Christmas eve. NYE discussions came up, and since I do have to work again that day, plus both kids are with me since it's a Monday evening so we've opted for a nice quiet in with a nice dinner and just relaxing and maybe if we are lucky we'll be up to see the ball drop..lol
I've been maintaining my weight lately, which I'm very happy with. I think I've found the happy medium of eating, exercise and my head...which is not an easy place to go to. Exercise has been good and I've been investing in more yoga tapes as they are my faves right now and make me feel the best.
Friday, December 14, 2007
It's Friday
Yeah is all I have to say....tonight will commence my Christmas shopping. I will get my guys stuff done tonight as he is working a gig and then tomorrow morning I'm rolling up there to spend the weekend with him. I can't believe how much I miss someone and when they call or email me I just smile like a lovesick puppy, sappy is what some call me. I am so happy!!
This weekend I hope we get rain and the nor'easter hangs out with the upper part of the NE states...lol I just want to get some stuff done here folks. I want to get all the presents bought and wrapped, my one small wish for myself to have accomplished before I sleep on Sunday.
My weight is dipping again, 2lb today, I'm not going to sweat it, I'm eating like a pig and the popcorn that showed up at work today I'm sure will be causing all kinds of wonderful gas and bloating later so...............
Kids are away this weekend and work is almost done, I feel my body relaxing into a place where I'm very comfortable and enjoying every minute of it. I actually would rather stay home by MYSELF than venture out....now that's something new and exciting and I'm loving every minute of it....
Have a great one, everyone, be safe and keep celebrating the holidays. Tell someone Merry Christmas...lol
This weekend I hope we get rain and the nor'easter hangs out with the upper part of the NE states...lol I just want to get some stuff done here folks. I want to get all the presents bought and wrapped, my one small wish for myself to have accomplished before I sleep on Sunday.
My weight is dipping again, 2lb today, I'm not going to sweat it, I'm eating like a pig and the popcorn that showed up at work today I'm sure will be causing all kinds of wonderful gas and bloating later so...............
Kids are away this weekend and work is almost done, I feel my body relaxing into a place where I'm very comfortable and enjoying every minute of it. I actually would rather stay home by MYSELF than venture out....now that's something new and exciting and I'm loving every minute of it....
Have a great one, everyone, be safe and keep celebrating the holidays. Tell someone Merry Christmas...lol
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
One day at a time
Is the mantra I have to live by. I'm feeling good, weight is stabilized for now and well things in life are great. Christmas is right around the corner and well I haven't even started buying gifts. I did get my list ready last night, tomorrow is payday so I'm hoping to get alot of it done and over with this weekend. Of course Sunday they are calling for our first N'oreaster of the season, hopefully we'll get by with the rain portion of the storm, but they can be tricky and you never know what you will get!! Tomorrow I will be venturing out w/out the man and hopefully get his stuff done and some of the kids stuff too.
If I said I wasn't having problems with my roommate now I'd be lying, we'll see what she does since I've laid out what I need/want from this situation. I'm just going to say I'm not giving a free ride which is what I think she was looking for.
Saw the doc today for my one year surgiversary, he said I'm doing great, and if I wanted I could lose another 10 lb and still be great. I was kind of shocked to hear that, but he said I'm doing good and to let my body act naturally with the surgery tool and I will be a success. Of course we spoke about the rapid weight loss of the last 8 weeks, stress, life in general and he said that after having a 2 1/2 month plateau it was my body reacting to it. He told me to relax, enjoy and keep up the good work!!
It is raining cats and dogs today, I am supposing I will never get my outside decorations done, and I think if I don't get it done today I'm putting them away for next year, as they are cluttering up my house more than I care to admit.
It's a kid free weekend, lots to do and a funeral thrown in there for good measure. My man's aunt passed on Tuesday of a stroke, and Sat morning is the service.
Kids are getting excited for christmas and the days are counting down now. I am truly blessed to have a great family and friends and want to really enjoy this year with each and everyone of them!
If I said I wasn't having problems with my roommate now I'd be lying, we'll see what she does since I've laid out what I need/want from this situation. I'm just going to say I'm not giving a free ride which is what I think she was looking for.
Saw the doc today for my one year surgiversary, he said I'm doing great, and if I wanted I could lose another 10 lb and still be great. I was kind of shocked to hear that, but he said I'm doing good and to let my body act naturally with the surgery tool and I will be a success. Of course we spoke about the rapid weight loss of the last 8 weeks, stress, life in general and he said that after having a 2 1/2 month plateau it was my body reacting to it. He told me to relax, enjoy and keep up the good work!!
It is raining cats and dogs today, I am supposing I will never get my outside decorations done, and I think if I don't get it done today I'm putting them away for next year, as they are cluttering up my house more than I care to admit.
It's a kid free weekend, lots to do and a funeral thrown in there for good measure. My man's aunt passed on Tuesday of a stroke, and Sat morning is the service.
Kids are getting excited for christmas and the days are counting down now. I am truly blessed to have a great family and friends and want to really enjoy this year with each and everyone of them!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The weekend and other not so wonderful things
The weekend turned out to be anything but what I expected it to. Friday night I slipped on black ice carrying out to the trash my old dvd system with surround sound, needless to say I have a big bruise on my foot (where the dvd system landed) as well as a skinned knee and a lump on my head from hitting it on the system also on the way down. Sat a.m. I woke up with the stomach virus and spent most of the day in the bathroom, well you get the idea. About 3:30 pm I started feeling somewhat human but at the expense of having to cancel my trip to NYC and hearing alot of grief from the other party (since I wasn't considerate enough to let them know I was going to be sick..lol). Sat night we ventured out to the mall, but I ended up sitting down alot and evidently was very pale and drawn. Sunday was the best day of them all and I got alot done as well as spent quality time with the kidlet and the man.
The foot is still sore and I'm still limping around a bit, but overall I'm good.
The not so wonderful things are of course roommate related. I really love to help out my friends in need but I guess my heart is just too big and it's getting stomped on. Without going into the boring details, she has a month to straighten up or she'll have to make other arrangements, of course this pains me to even think about it, but it is life and we need to act like adults in these situations. If I want to exercise in the a.m. and your kid can't watch cartoons, well tough, there are three other's tvs, get a grip. I am maintaining my weight for now and my next doc appointment is this Thursday a.m. I am looking forward to seeing his take on this whole weight loss situation. I am exercising faithfully again and trying my best to stay away from the mindless munching and getting my life back on track physically and mentally. My youngest ds told me this morning I look tired, I thought great it's only Tuesday morning and I already look tired..lol I'm trying to make it through the holiday, I think it takes a toll on all of us and the worst is it is supposed to be a joyous time, not a stressful time.
I have my Christmas list made, the shopping will be finished this weekend and of course then is the wrapping, hopefully I will get it done quickly. I am making candles for all the girls here at work and they are partially done, so I think on a whole I'm on my way to completing everything in a timely manner to enjoy the last week and weekend before christmas in solitude knowing it's all going to be fine, of course work is at it's craziest also, so that doesn't help that I'm being pulled 50 million ways at once here also. It will all be fine, we will breathe a big sigh of relief at the end of the work day on 12/31 and ring in the New Year with great hopes and expectations of a better year than this one brought me. Of course it's not all bad, but there have been some major bumps along the road.
The foot is still sore and I'm still limping around a bit, but overall I'm good.
The not so wonderful things are of course roommate related. I really love to help out my friends in need but I guess my heart is just too big and it's getting stomped on. Without going into the boring details, she has a month to straighten up or she'll have to make other arrangements, of course this pains me to even think about it, but it is life and we need to act like adults in these situations. If I want to exercise in the a.m. and your kid can't watch cartoons, well tough, there are three other's tvs, get a grip. I am maintaining my weight for now and my next doc appointment is this Thursday a.m. I am looking forward to seeing his take on this whole weight loss situation. I am exercising faithfully again and trying my best to stay away from the mindless munching and getting my life back on track physically and mentally. My youngest ds told me this morning I look tired, I thought great it's only Tuesday morning and I already look tired..lol I'm trying to make it through the holiday, I think it takes a toll on all of us and the worst is it is supposed to be a joyous time, not a stressful time.
I have my Christmas list made, the shopping will be finished this weekend and of course then is the wrapping, hopefully I will get it done quickly. I am making candles for all the girls here at work and they are partially done, so I think on a whole I'm on my way to completing everything in a timely manner to enjoy the last week and weekend before christmas in solitude knowing it's all going to be fine, of course work is at it's craziest also, so that doesn't help that I'm being pulled 50 million ways at once here also. It will all be fine, we will breathe a big sigh of relief at the end of the work day on 12/31 and ring in the New Year with great hopes and expectations of a better year than this one brought me. Of course it's not all bad, but there have been some major bumps along the road.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Welcome December
With this welcome brings some positive changes that I have been waiting for. To say the least November will go down in my history books as a bittersweet month, it was full of positive and alot of negative too. This weekend was a great weekend of nothing but Michelle stuff, it was great. Of course yesterday I was like the hoover freaking vacuum with food, I just couldn't seem to get enough food to satisfy myself, at least that day is over and I'm feeling back to normal today!!
I'm welcoming this month with a hopefulness that I wouldn't have dared thought possible. I think it really is going to be a good christmas and holiday season at our house after all. Last night the STBXH met the new bf, that was quite an unexpected thing to happen but it did it's over and it was ok, enough said. Me and the new man had a great weekend together, finding out that we are compatible on levels I never thought were possible....also just being together and doing things was a nice change from being the mom. Of course the older ds wanted to hang out this weekend and I told him he hasn't seen his father in a month so get over there and spend some quality time with him.
So here's to a great month, a joyous holiday season and all that happiness that I can spread!!
I'm welcoming this month with a hopefulness that I wouldn't have dared thought possible. I think it really is going to be a good christmas and holiday season at our house after all. Last night the STBXH met the new bf, that was quite an unexpected thing to happen but it did it's over and it was ok, enough said. Me and the new man had a great weekend together, finding out that we are compatible on levels I never thought were possible....also just being together and doing things was a nice change from being the mom. Of course the older ds wanted to hang out this weekend and I told him he hasn't seen his father in a month so get over there and spend some quality time with him.
So here's to a great month, a joyous holiday season and all that happiness that I can spread!!
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