Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I have no time

I wish I had more time to write. I have so much going on and it's all happening at once.

My eldest son has been giving me teenage grief, he wants to move out and live with his father, of course the flip side is his father and I talked about it and he doesn't really have the means to keep him right now....it's hard to be 17 is all I can say....poor boy *lots of stress*

My youngest son is not doing so great in school. Now this is no big news really, he has always struggled in school and is not really the academic person, but he's a big heart and tries so hard. *lots of stress*

Me and my honey bickered all weekend, it wasn't a total washout, but we were both tired and well had so much to do so we were drained and just on edge I guess *lots of stress*

So what does this tell me, my head says EAT, pig out, carbs, sugar, ice cream, candy, CHIPS (my all time favorite) but my body and knowledge are saying NO!! you've worked so hard to give in to this type of stress...thank god my body won that fight, or I may just be boycotting my scale about now :) I've come along way in this journey. I have alot more learning to do, but it's a great stride for me to say I didn't give in to temptation, I just dealt with it a different way.

At the end of the day I'm proud of myself, things are working out with the oldest, although it will be sometime before I'm sure he wants to speak with me, the youngest is continuing to struggle but try very hard to do good at school, and well me and my man, had a bad few, tired days, we are good, we talked, I sobbed, he was upset and it's all good

Life is constantly throwing these challenges at me, I'm game for them, bring them on!!

Belly dancing, it's amazing to me that I can do this wonderful dance. I'm no expert but I have to say it is getting somewhat easier. Not a pro, but I'm working on it! Yoga, I've taken up Namaste yoga now, it's more challenging and I feel like a different person already in only two weeks.

Life is beautiful!

Friday, January 25, 2008

T-minus 2 hours

and I pick him up at the airport!! I'm giddy with excitement, like a girl going on a first date again....whew....

I got him a little something, hoping he likes, knowing he will...because that's the kind of guy he is. It's cold here, bitter with wind...a nice getaway would be nice, somewhere warm and tropical comes to mind, but it's not happening any time soon :(

No belly dancing today :( I have to say this am I woke up thighs burning..hips hurting. I guess I'm doing it right because the burn is where it should be. I love it and practiced last night..lol
Can't wait for my class on Monday!!

Yoga is kicking my butt too, I kicked it up a notch to a harder class, really working too...I love the feeling but owie!!! Muscles I haven't used, or not used much are really screaming at me right now...lots of new things going on. But that is what this whole journey is for me, trying out new and exciting things. Things I would never as a "fat girl" ever, ever tried and I'm loving it, the freedom to say I want to do that and just doing it. Before I would analyze it, would I be able to do it, would I be able to breathe, how would I feel one day, two days later and usually the answers would just drive me right back to the couch and some sort of comfort food. Not the new me, she wants to do, experience and enjoy what is out there for life to give.

My gf did belly dancing for a while, outfit and all, she says we are the same size so when I get better I can don the outfit and give a little performance...lol

Weekend is low key, me and the man, no kids. No worries, no plans and all happiness.

Hope your weekends are as fun as mine is going to be :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Belly dancing is harder than it seems

We did our first class of belly dancing today, WOW is all I have to say. I have to give those girls who do it and make it look so easy because it's not. It's takes alot, of control and what have you....I did enjoy it, immensely and am looking forward to class #2 tomorrow. I'm going to practice my three moves.....I have to get them down as we only go up from here.

Also, tried out some new yoga today, nice I feel stretched....which is the goal I am out to achieve when I am doing yoga. I ate well, exercised 2x and well overall it's been a good day.

Two days till my man comes home and I'm missing him dearly. I've got quite a surprise cooked up for us.....two days of bliss...lol

Work is busy, thank goodness. Some of the new changes are starting and so far I'm liking them. Fortunately for us and our buyout we can only go up from here.

Life is good, I am good.....and well that's about it.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Big brother has shut me down

I usually blog from work, well now that we have uploaded into our new companies web they have blogger blocked!! Ha....hence I haven't been around. I will get on a new schedule....

Things are good, had a great weekend with the man, he was home for two days although he worked Sat night, Sunday was brief and we sent him packing to Miami and 80 degrees while we froze what is left of us off here. It's still cold and damp and well just plain miserable. I always forget why I hate winter so, well there's no forgetting it this week.

Work has installed direct tv in our exercise room, two things will now happen, people will invade the room to watch tv when I work out and well I will try some new things, I found fit tv on there and I like the Shimmy program (learning belly dancing) sounds like lots of fun to me, and there is a yoga show on beforehand. I may just change out my workouts for this...today I simply ran and checked out the programming.

Weight is holding, although I had a few times over the weekend where I was feeling not quite right and not really sure what could have caused that. I have been eating regularly, taking all my vitamins and drinking lots of water so I don't know...if it continues throughout this week a call to the doc will be warranted.

The man comes home Friday, i can't wait to see him, we have a romantic, quiet alone weekend planned (well I do..lol)

My last eye doctor has prescribed contacts that don't work for me, I can't see out of the darned things at a distance. Doesn't bode to well for trying to watch tv and such, hence new doctor, new insurance and appt this Sat. It's the only time I have to get up and leave the house if you know what I mean...lol

So I'm off to finish the laundry, I still have some cleaning I need to get done this week, and well with this miserable cold weather I feel like doing NOTHING!!!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Back again

I'm back, mentally in a much better place than I've been earlier this week. I ended up relapsing in my illness and had to fight my way into the doc's office to be seen as the meds I was taking were depleted. I got in and got more meds, and finally this morning I woke up feeling better.

I was in such a foul, lousy mood, but have managed to eek myself out of it. Not to bore you with details, but it was black!!

Yesterday we had 2" of snow, which quickly turned to rain after rush hour...lol Tomorrow we are expecting snow showers again and 3 days next week again....I know it's winter but with each passing year I'm determined to get out of DE once and for all as I hate winter. I love the change of seasons though so I stay...lol

Going up to visit my guy for a brief period this weekend as he's home tonight and then works tomorrow evening and then back to FL again for the last week of his assignment. DS2 will be joining me so we can all hang out and enjoy our company...lol

That's about it....

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I've not been feeling it

I'm not in a blogging mood, in fact I've not been in any kind of good mood since last night. I don't know what is wrong with me, but i'm down, blue, depressed at best. I am just surviving right now....so maybe I'll be around and maybe not, not sure I want to write about it right now anyhow.

Had a great weekend, Mr my guy is safely working in FL, I miss him terribly but talk to him a few times a day. He's home Friday and we're getting together although briefly on Sat.

I'll be around....hope you all are enjoying...I'm not right now :(

Friday, January 11, 2008

Friday quickie

I almost forgot to come in here and post today.

Today is good. This week has been good.

Just a few blurbs about the weekend.....

- The guy leaves Sunday, 10am
- The oldest is getting grounded with no car privledges for a week to start
- The youngest has been great (now that's a switch)
- The STBXH has been ok also this week (I may regret just typing that)
- I am excited it's Friday and almost time to go home
- I've maintained my weight for 2 weeks now, that's very impressive for me.
- I've exercised all that I have intended on this week
- I've eaten well, back to well balanced meals and no extra munching and crunching
- The sun is finally out again
- The weather has been warm all week, that's always a plus, but I'm sure it's going to change and really soon
- I have a weekend alone with my man, that is until he leaves

and with that I leave you all


Thursday, January 10, 2008

Quality time

with my guy is at a premium for the next two weeks. He has received a golden opportunity with his company to work out of the Ft Lauderdale office for the next two weeks, so this Sunday at noon he's on a jet plane headed for sunny, warm FL. I am very excited for him as this is an excellent opportunity for him, but at the same time I'm going to miss him terribly :( He will be home the following weekend but alas he has a prior commitment to work on Sat at a wedding and has to leave early Sunday again, so it will probably be two weeks I won't see him. The old saying is that absence makes the heart grow fonder will certainly be put to test here.

Got up again this morning and did my weight workout, I'm back in the swing. Yesterday's eating was 100% on target and I'm feeling really good about that, the carbs really were taking a toll and I can't express how much I need to stay away from them to feel good about myself and not have those "reactions" that us WLS patients have with carb overload...lol

Tonight is a quiet night home with the kids and then I get to see my guy for two days and he's off....lots to do at work today so I'm off to venture into that.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Finally feeling a little human again

This cold is really kicking me, but I am fighting back, exercise, good healthy eating and lots of water and sleep. I feel like I'm finally winning the battle but not the war yet.

This morning was yoga, I ran yesterday, 30 min felt great....I feel re-energized. Let no one tell you that exercise isn't something you miss once you get a good routine going, my body was craving it and let me know...I felt much, much better after just a few sessions this week.

Weight has been steady, which is good. Carbs are virtually gone, expect essential ones at this point, I have no more stomach problems and you think that alone would be enough to just get me to stop eating them nasty things. Um no....live and learn.

DS2 is finally back at school again, he and I have been sharing this cold and it's knocked him on his butt for a few days, the oldest one hasn't been sick yet (knock on wood).

Just a few things going on here. Plus the weather is warm, sunny and a little windy (change is coming) but for today I will take it and I am a happy girl!!

Tonight I get to see my guy, what else could a girl ask for! :)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Post nasal drip

I feel like my nose and sinus would like to just fall out of my head. I am exercising but definitely on a more limited means than I would like to. I just can't seem to shake this cold, today I actually feel disconnected and it's feeling worse not better. Got up and did my weights workout, made me feel really good, but overall I feel like crap. I am going to run at lunch again, woot....this is what it is about, the exercise and adrenaline pumping through my body. I'm actually really excited to work out today, even though I feel like crap.

The youngest boy is home sick again, school called yesterday and I had to dash out early and get him, he's home with this crap also, this winter has definitely been one for colds circling round and round in home. Even after all the cleaning and sanitizing we are just not shaking this cold.

The oldest so far has not succumbed to the crap, but I'm sure him in bed at 7pm was a sign of things to come for him...lol

So I'm sniffling, stuffy and overall congested but feeling alot better...lol

The upside, today is supposed to get up near 70, which is just a perfect temp that I wouldn't mind if it stayed around all year long, but alas it will end shortly and well we will be back in the throes of winter here....hopefully we can keep it mild and coast through the next two and a half months....

STBXH called to say he might get laid off, he's crying and crying about it, I said why do you care now all of a sudden, last year you were laid off for 8 months and it never bothered you, his answer...You were working. What a slap in the face to realize again what an idiot I have been to just carry this fool on my coattails all these years....anyhow that's life and lesson learned.

Off to enjoy what little sunlight we have and get my Vit D fix. :)

Monday, January 07, 2008

Relationships and such

Weekend was good, although I'm still on the mend from this cold. It really has taken alot more out of me than I originally thought. My new guy (he needs a name) and I had a really hard weekend, a true test of friendship and the budding relationship that is going on, I was a weepy miserable mess (blame it on the meds, because it was them) I woke up Friday, Sat and Sunday with a nasty, horrible headache. I know the one med is causing them, but unfortunately I need to finish them as they are helping me get well, so a crossroads has been met.

Today I'm back in the gym at lunch, I have to and need to....my body is craving the exercise that has been lacking in my life and my attitude well, it needs it too!! So at lunch, the elliptical and I have a date, my old friend will be dusted off and I will be back in there running for my life!! literally!

Had a good weekend with one of my children, we saw a movie Sat night and hung out. Yesterday I was not myself with a migraine all day so he called his father and went over there for the day.

I did get my yoga in both days this weekend, so progress....also all the crap that has been festering in the house is gone!! I have to be more diligent with my eating, I've worked very hard to get where I am now and no one, especially ME will bring me back to my old ways.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Friday finally

And I'm starting to feel a little more human. I'm sure after this weekend and few more doses of meds I'll be back on top of things. The one med though knocked me for a loop last night, out like a light early and it was scary, of course then I didn't want to wake up this a.m. either so out the window my yoga went. If I'm feeling up for it later I'm going to try and work it in after work.

Today is my asst's last day, let's just say it was my decision to terminate this person and once again I'm back at the drawing board looking for good, qualified help. It's not the best position I will have to admit, but it's a stepping stone to bigger and better things if the right person just applied themselves. Anyhow, at least we are slowing down dramatically for the next month or so, so I shouldn't have a problem this time and can be more meticulous to pick the right person.

Also, the bad news from the doc's yesterday that I forgot to write about is that they put me back on one blood pressure med. I was not happy about that, in fact that means in a short six month period I've weaned myself off of them completely and now I'm back on a basic dose of HCTZ....I'm still not happy about it, but the HBP runs rampid in my family, so a guess the family history is taking over my desire not to be on the meds....we'll see if I can kick up the exercise a notch and maybe, just maybe I can get off the meds again.

Weight was good at the doc's, I've managed to maintain my weight now for 4 weeks since my last doc visit, which I was overjoyed with. Of course I know there was more than one time in the past 4 weeks that a less than desirable morsel passed these lips, and I did mentally beat myself up about many of those bites, but that is exactly what they were bites here and there and not gorging myself to gluttony with cookies, cakes and all the other sweet treats that were brought in for the holiday season. Of course everyone is cleaning out their pantries now, but with this horrible cold I'm in no mood to eat, thank god!! Back on track and making me priority one again is my goal by next Friday.

Citrus fruits, I want to talk a little about this also, as a reformed GERD patient, early out from surgery I had tremendous problems eating any citrus, but have found my love of navel oranges and they pretty bag at the store last week calling my name, so I indulged and am happy to report that for two days in a row I have had no reflux systems from eating one orange. Of course I hold my breath with each bite I take but overall it's has been a dream come true!! I'm glad because sometimes the selection in our local grocery is less than desirable at this time of year.

Life is about relaxing and balancing life with my new man and my children this weekend, the youngest wants to see One Missed Call at the movies and the oldest I'm sure will be out with his gf all weekend. Of course the new man is working tomorrow 4:30 - midnight djing so I will get some quality time in tonight with him. Life is full of promise and with each new day I am feeling more and more better about the decisions I have made for me and my children.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

The verdict is in............

I have a sinus infection and bronchitis. No wonder I feel like shit! Sorry about that. I'm trudging through another busy day here at work and thankful today is Thursday and not Monday.

I have four rx's to pickup tonight and another night of movies and relaxing in on my agenda.

Back more when I feel a little more up for a comment or two....

I did get my weight training exercise in this a.m. so at least I feel accomplished in that area of my life right now! :)

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


A new start, a new day, a new year. What will it bring for me? Who knows, but I do know I am going to try and become a more positive person and get out there and try new things. I want to be a good friend, a good mom, a good person.

New Years Eve was spent relaxing and surprisingly I did manage to stay up and watch the ball drop and Dick Clark, my honey, my youngest son and I celebrated the new year and off to bed we went. DS2 is now sick again, the cold has come full circle in the house in 3 weeks. UGH, he's home from the first day back to school and I'm at work, hoping that 5pm comes sooner rather than later.

Tonight I start undecorating the house, I need to get my life back in order. I am craving the organization in my household as it is not there presently. I need my oldest ds to respect his mother and while I know he is growing up, he's still a young boy. I want sanity and reason to return and I want to exercise. I feel as if a bowling ball is lodged in my head and everytime I lean forward it precariously is teetering on the edge of falling right through my sinus cavity. I am winded walking up stairs because I am so congested I cannot breath. I wake up 3x or more a night in coughing jags that would make a 3 pack a day envious. I just want to be well again.

I am embarking on my first full year at weight. While I know that I still have a small window of opportunity to lose I think I am where I will remain. I want to tone, sculpt and just get my body in the best possible shape it can be in now. I want to go to the beach this summer and not be embarrassed by jiggly thighs and batwings that would make any flying animal envious. I want to look as good as I feel these days. Vitamins, exercise, protein, fresh fruits and veggies are going to be the mainstays of my life. I want, no crave these things to help me mold into the person I am.