Friday, September 29, 2006

Weekends are a wonderful time

for anything. Really, anything goes on a weekend. Tonight we have to hurry and get to bowling prior to the Friday night leagues coming in so I can attend ds1 football game tomorrow morning. Let me tell you I am really looking forward to that since it's going to be a crisp, clear and cool morning tomorrow for the game. Then the rest of the weekend is free for me! It is going to be a glorious weekend for anything. Oh I do have plans tomorrow night, Dawn and me are going to an Open House at a new salon/spa that my hairdresser works at now. It should be lots of fun and neat door prizes too, I hope one of us wins something. Then afterward we are off to the Blue Parrot for snacks and drinks. All in allshould be great fun.

So yesterday I had my doc appt. Man are these appt long, I was there in the office from 12:30 to 3:30. Thank goodness I was approved for surgery from him and I had a EKG and ECHO done and they say I have a very healthy heart!! Imagine that, I felt very humbled by that since the family history speaks otherwise... So one down and two to go on my journey.

Ciao for the weekend

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Another day

Well I went out this a.m. to the park to meet the "man" who was a no show. Now you would say I set myself up for some disappointment, right?, wrong! I was actually relieved that he didn't show, how crazy is that! Well last night I was thinking about it, he really wasn't with me on this whole surgery thing and I am totally with it. So it wouldn't work, he would complain and not be supportive and what I need is support not a whiner right. Also, unfortunately for him he has terminal cancer. I believe it's in his stomach region which probably makes for a tender subject with him anyhow. Well, I'm glad I brought out my IPOD, I sat on the bench enjoying the nice fall morning, listening to my songs and just breathing and being a part of the earth. It's a very peaceful park, with the river right there and a walking trail along side for those who desired. normally I would have walked but I have the cardio doc at 1pm and I need to scoot soon to get there early and fill out the paperwork (new patient) so I didn't. I also want to stop and get some mums for my pots and something for dinner so the afternoon should be full. Hopefully I won't be at the cardio doct for hours and hours like the original consult but we will see. I called out of work sick just in case. I'm not ready for them to become suspicious. tootles for now

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Ok, I totally got caught up in the guy thing and totally forgot about my huge, red faced embarrasement in the OB/GYN office yesterday. This may become a bit graphic, but since it's my blog I want to vent it I've arrived, I get on the scale and it's horrible, not so bad yet, I have my BP done and with driving it is always a bit on the high side as other drivers make me so nervous. Still we aren't doing too bad yet. Well she then tells me to change, no changing room anymore! so the clothes are neatly folded on the seat; put on the gown (ties to the front) and drape the paper over your lap. Ok the gown I was given probably wouldn't even fit a large girl, and I'm a 1-2x girl, so that's not even meeting to tie, bad enough I'm sitting there with the paper draped but it won't come up enough to cover me, so literally I'm hanging out so when the door opens viola anyone in the hall can see me. Ok so this is bad but yes it does get worse!

So I'm sitting there and we are chatting about things, me, my home, how am I, any complaints. We are just chatting along and she comes over to listen to my heart. Ok, not so bad you think right, wrong! When listening to the front chest she lobs my boob up to hear underneath, it makes this slurping sound that is horrible from sweating stuck to the skin below it! Ewww. Not the worst, the fat rolls cannot get out of the way enough for her to hear clearly so sit back a bit so I can listen. I'm sure I was as red as Santa's suit at this point. I've become very quiet and almost distant!!

What was I thinking and why am I wondering about why I want this surgery done!!


Self doubt has set in

Now that I've technically "met" someone and we are really going to meet up tomorrow, he states he likes me the way I am. What do I mean by this, well it's simply that he likes my weight (on the thick side) and isn't 100% about this WLS that I am pursuing. Well now the self doubt sets in. I really want it, it's what I've been working hard for about 3 years now. I know in the long run my health and well being will be better but WOW, this is the first guy I've ever met that likes me just the way I am.

So as I am standing in a crossroad, I ponder what route I shall take. Interestingly enough I have one of my appts, cardiologist, right before we meet up tomorrow, talk about strange. So here I stand in the middle of a road and wondering which way I will turn.

On another note, tonight my oldest ds officially gets his license. Talk about a thrilling time in his life. I'm very excited and sad for him growing up and yet that much closer to leaving me. I know this is the start of the separation anxiety all parents feel when their little chicks growup and leave the nest.

So this blog is going to go all over the place today, what a beautiful fall day. The warm days and cooler nights are sticking with us, and suiting me just fine. I love fall, just wish it wouldnt' turn to winter so quickly.


Friday, September 22, 2006


Is here, not officially yet until tomorrow but it has slowly been creeping into our area already. The mornings have been brisk 40-50's and the days warm 70's -low 80's. I love autumn, the changing of the leaves, the warm days, cool evenings, the football season is back, the trees changing colors. Of course that means that old man winter is right around the corner, and I'm not too fond of winter but it is the way it is in the mid-Atlantic states and it's part of the cycle. I look forward also to my surgery and my "new" me next summer, a thinner, healthier person than I am now. To be able to enjoy shopping and clothes, to actually be impressed and excited to get dressed and not just "cover up" the areas!

Autumn is a time of transition, the days start getting shorter, the nights longer. We all feel sleepier and prepare for the long incubation before the first thaw of spring and the buds on the trees. It is wonderous and dreaded for many. Some suffer from the seasonal change. I brace myself for weeks before the actual time change but it comes nonetheless and I deal as I do every year. So I guess I use this as a time of reflection, to sort out how the year was and what the rest of the year holds. What a great time to be alive!


Thursday, September 21, 2006


Can be the nicest people when they want something or pia's when they are on their high horse. Do you work with someone like that? I do, she thinks that she knows it all, does your job for you when she feels fit to and then wants to know why something didn't happen that she tried handling like that is your fault. Well yesterday I had a day like that, I just ignored her and that's how I handle it. It's very infuriating to myself but you deal. Last night I also got the first full night's sleep in a while. It actually felt nice to get up this a.m. well slept.

So fall has made an earlier appearance here in the NE, it was a crisp 40 something degrees out there this a.m. and man it felt nice. Of course in a few months you are going to see my complaining about the cold weather but for now it's nice, warm days and cooler nights, I do love fall. Today is actually day off from all that is crazy! Believe it or not, tomorrow is the same but then Saturday we have bowling. It's really going to be a more relaxing weekend than we've had ina while and I think I will take advantage and get caught up on my cleaning and wash that's been piling up since the washer broke a couple of weeks ago and our lag in getting a new one in place right away. It is supposed to get a little warmer this weekend back up near 80 so it will definitely be a good weekend for some yard work.


Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Baby steps

Is what this is all about. Baby steps to lead into surgery and baby steps to recovery and a new way of eating and living. Last night I attended my first of two required nutrition classes. It was very informative and it was also nice to meet some of the other ladies in my area that are going through the same thing as I am. I will say they are much more motivated and getting their appointments done sooner than me that's for sure. I haven't had much luck contacting the pulmnologist, although I have called we are just playing phone tag at this point. I was told since I snore and whatnot to try and get a hold of them as they will probably be the one who is the most drug out as far as processes go. So I've returned the call and now I wait! I also need to make a psychiatric appointment too. I have to get the initial bloodwork done but she said to hold off until the end of October since I want to have the surgery in January. Next week I will be attending the first of my support groups and am very excited as the guest speaker is my surgeon and the topic is Life after Surgery. I also want to get to the bookstore and pickup one of the recommended reading books, as I hear they are informative and full of great tips going into and out of surgery. So the baby steps are in place and it's hard to believe almost two weeks have past since my initial consult.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

And one more today

***You Are A Social Butterfly***

You love your friends so much...
You're motto is "the more, the merrier"!
Making sure everyone's included is your mission
And you always prefer a group of ten to a group of two

What Kind of Friend Are You?

These are addictive

***Your Rising Sign is Aquarius***

You are an interesting mix of introspective and outlandish.
Waving your freak flag high, you really do things your own way.

While you may seem distant, you care very deeply for humanity.
You just have no tolerance for fools, slackers, or dullards.

And while you're fairly misanthropic, many are drawn to you.
Innovative and clever, people look to you for new ideas and trends.

What's Your Rising Sign?


***What Your Face Says***

At first glance, people see you as down to earth and reliable.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas.

In love, you seem energetic - almost manic.

In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

New beginnings

My oldest son is 16 today. What a great milestone that is in his life. He is able to drive now, although not totally unattended but still. I told him you get few true milestones as far as birthdays go and today is one of them. Of course some see the beginning of teenage years a milestone but we skipped right over that one. 16, 18, 21, 25 (for boys) and then every decade. I think those are true milestones.

So 16 years ago at 5:55 am a 9lb 10oz boy came into this world screaming for his life. Today he stands 6'4" and weighs about 180 so quite a difference 16 years makes! He is a great student, ranked in the top 30 of his class and he athletic also, playing football and basketball. A proud mom I am of this child.

Last night was the second JV game of the season (football) unfortunately they lost 12-0 so it was not a good night, but he played, and boy did he play alot. Good luck for next week.

So while many moms out there may feel old as their children grow older, not me, I'm a young 42 and moving forward to a healthier lifestyle for myself and looking forward to all life has to bring me.


Monday, September 18, 2006

I survived.............

One of the craziest weekends I've had in a while. Friday night was probably the only relaxing night and that in itself wasn't that relaxing. We went out to the store and picked out ds2 birthday gift, let me tell you this little boy of 12 now has expensive taste! Then on to get pizza and home for the evening. I was probably out like a light about 9:30pm as I had early wakeup call for bowling the next morning. After bowling I had about two hours to clean up and get ready for the next round of running. Off to drop off ds1 at school, out to pickup the food and back to school to deliver, setup and feed 50 hungry football players and coaches, then home pickup dh and ds2 and go out to get a quick bite to eat ourselves. Dropped them back at home, changed really quick then off to the football game. Unfortunately they lost, bad but it was a good game none the less. Then we got home around 11pm and fell exhausted into bed. Up early the next morning to get the new clothes washer into the basement, then start the millions of clothes that have been piling up!! Let me tell you a week and a half is way to long to go without a washer when you have active boys!

Ok, so now it's time for football, Eagles having their healthy lead get cocky and too self assured and blew it right out the window for a loss! This should never have happened but it did, then looking around the league I see that they aren't the only ones with problems keeping their lead this week, all in all a disappointing week 2 in NFL for me.

The only redemption, TO broke his finger and won't be able to make it to Philly 10/8 and that's not saying alot at all!

So today after school we have JV game, I can't wait for them to kick some serious butt!


Friday, September 15, 2006


How slow they get here and how quickly they are gone and the weekend over!

Tonight is a running night although after the telephone call I just received I'm not sure now we are going anywhere since ds2 is now in trouble with school and me and his father. So this all precipitated from a phone call from his teacher. So he's in trouble until further notice. But now that is not why I came here today, but it's off my chest so there.

Today was a day of running, to DMV to get my license plate extension since the car failed inspection, off to BJ's to get a few things for tomorrow nights player dinner and now I have to get the food finalized so it's ready. Tomorrow is bowling in the a.m. and then the football game at night. The first night football game of the season, I can't wait. Hopefully the weather will clear up and it will be nice out.

Sunday of course is cleaning, wash and football (pro, of course) this time. So hence the weekends come and go in the blink of an eye. Why can't the work week go this fast!! I never know.

We also, need to lug the new washer into the basement what a job that will be.

GO EAGLES!!! we'll see you later


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Who

Who says The Who is dead? Well last night was testament to me that they are alive and kicking and putting on great shows like they did 20 some odd years ago. It was my pleasure to be apart of the first night of their US Tour and what a show it was. Roger Daltry for his 60 something years is still fit, and singing as well as before out there spinning that mike around like there's no tomorrow, and Pete Townsend still one of the premier guitarists of our times, windmilling his guitar like he was 40 years younger. The treated us to a bit of their new music from their upcoming record and again like Tommy it's a story based musical. Quite different than Tommy but still incredible.

The opening band Peeping Tom, could have made a no show in Philly as the folks were there to see The Who and no one else, they were literally booed off stage.

Lastly, today, my baby is 12 years old. It's amazing to me how quickly this time has gone. It seems like yesterday I was giving birth to him. Happy Birthday buddy!!


Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Did you ever notice how people have gotten to be so insincere. Back when I was growing up in the 70's and 80's people were more sympathetic and you could feel more comfortable out there in the millions. Nowadays peole are rude, demanding, and just plain old ignorant in some cases. Alot of them think the world owes them something when in fact no one owes anyone anything! I was put in this position this past Saturday when I was going out to pickup a clothes washer that someone was selling. Now to backup, the past Wednesday I called this gentlemen who was very well spoken and kind on the telephone. We agreed that Saturday would be the day I would come out and pickup this washer. I asked him if this would be a problem waiting and he assured me it was fine. So we leave the house and make out way to his. We are knocking on the door and no one answers. Confusion sets in. So I go outside and get my cellphone out to call him and find out if there was a delay in his reaching home. Well low and behold there is a message for me, from him. He's sorry to say he's sold it. Right out from under me!! I mean I was shocked and hurt that he would do this. Well my dh is fuming now and we've wasted an hour for nothing.

So I'm back on the hunt for a washer. Well I called another gentleman yesterday morning. He said he would call me last night and we would make arrangements. So I saved myself a little bit of cash and he even delivered it out to the house too! What a great person he turned out to be.

Now I'm on to another story. My gf has been seeing this new man. She met him on a Thursday evening 8/3 . Great news for her, she's been single for about five years now. Well I left on vacation 8/5 and when I get home on 8/11 she's sitting in my front yard telling me she's moving in with him. OMG I am shocked, and confused why should would put her five year old in this position. But it's her life and whatever she thinks is best will have to be. OK...So moving forward. Now we are at a little over one month, she's mostly moved in. Never talks to me anymore and I know that this "man" a term I use loosely is not divorced yet from his wife. In fact the horrible truth about it all is that she only moved out about a week before he met my gf. So the kicker, he got fired from his recent job (not that I consider it a job) and she was let go about a month ago. Last night I get a call from her (which I missed thank god) and she states that they've been busy. She didn't get a chance to call me back from Friday because she was away this weekend!! OK no $$ and you were away??? WTF is that! I really don't know what she is doing but she's hiding out well for someone who only lives around the corner right now! Whatever. I do know one thing, I will not be there when the shit hits the fan this time, emotionally I'm drained from her and I can't deal with her and what I have going on in my life right now at the same time. I think it will only be a short time before something happens but I guess the old addage time will tell will be the truth.

So there's my rant for today....I guess I'm supposed to feel better now...



Monday, September 11, 2006


A day of reflection and what was once and is now.

The biggest question around our area is where were you and what were you doing that fateful day when the planes flew into the World Trade Center I & II, The Pentagon and Schwanksville, PA. Well I posed this question to my youngest and his answer, 2nd grade and we got out early. I didn't know why but it was cool. Now five years later and a little older his answer is a little different. I didn't know all those people were dying, it was a sad day when people lost their moms, dads and other family members. It brought a tear to my eye to see how much he's grown since then. My older son was very aware of what was going on, we had just turned out money in for the Statue of Liberty field trip, which I had been waiting to go on for two years. They were studying immigration and while they finished their studies that year, it was without the field trip. I was hurt that people would do something so cruel without a second thought to the consequences of their actions, but that was what they intended on doing right, mass destruction. They had tried twice prior without the "end results" they were looking for. I could go on and on, but I won't. As someone who lives approximately 1/2 way between NY and DC, it was very real for me. Although I am not aware of anyone personally perishing I do have friends up there that are scarred for life.

Let freedom live.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

End of the weekend....

So Sunday's are nice for relaxing and being a big football fan time to watch some games (now that it has started again) but it also means the end of the busy weekend and time to get ready to go back to work! Yesterday d did great at bowling and it was nice to see all the parents who are in the network after summer break, also n almost won which is very impressive over a team who beat the pants off of them last year. So progress has been made!! I have to call the doctor and get a referral for the heart specialist I see at the end of the month and the journey has begun. I can't believe it, it almost seems surreal at this point.

Off to enjoy today!!


Friday, September 08, 2006

A new beggining............

Well today is the first day of my new life. I go to my consult appointment at 1:30 and we'll see what it will take to get this ball rolling and me be on the losing side of the weight issue! I can't believe it's here already. When I initially called I thought it would be forever and here it is! So 242lb of me is ready to starting trimming down.

Also, TGIF yeah for that and tomorrow is football, 10:00 and N is starting and also bowling at 9am and D is playing. Timing stinks for the most part but at least I can sneak out and go over to the game 1/2 way through bowling...right around the corner!! yeah I think N is starting so I don't really want to miss it!!

so much to do and so little time


Ok, I'm back from my consult....yeah that's out of the way. I was there for a total of three hours and when I called work and told them I'm not coming back, wow, they were not suprised. Of course I didn't tell them what doc I was seeing so far it's under wraps there. Now the homework that was sent home, I walked out with one appt scheduled and that's it!! Now I have to make the other three and coordinate them into my crazy schedule. I will make this work so that this will move forward and not stall. My goal for a Janary surgery is right in line with my doc's thinking. So that's perfect. Oh did I mention he's great, very informative and just what I needed someone to tell me like it is and not lace it with suger and Ok I'm really going now....until tomorrow.


Thursday, September 07, 2006


Not quite Friday but not Monday either!! Last night my dh was being a royal PIA. Of course since our washer is broken we carted all the laundry to the laundromat and had to sit there for 1 1/2 hours while everything washed and dried. I thought we made out pretty good since we were able to get all the wash in at once and dry at once. Of course he was embarrased and pissy about it the whole time. I never asked for his help and was perfectly content to take ds1 but he HAD to go!! lol It's over, I'm on the hunt for an inexpensive washer and hopefully something will come up soon.

I never made it motor vehicle but that's ok, I still have a week to go so I'll get there in time and it will all be fine. I probably will have to get some work done, but crossing my fingers that I don't, you know those car repair people charge you an arm and leg to change a lightbulb...

Tomorrow is my big appointment. I have been conflicting information regarding the payment situation, so I'm just going to sit tight and wait it out until I go and ask the right questions. I'm sure they will be more than happy to tell me up front anyhow! I can't believe it's beginning!

Last night, they voted Storm off of Rock Star:Supernova. I was sad as I really liked her as a performer but I guess they thought she wasn't the "one". I hope they feel Toby is now, I really am digging his performances lately!

Next week all the season shows start, Survivor, ER, Law and I watch way too much

ok off for now....

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Hump Day.............

WOW, how nice is it to wake up and find it's hump day already. I could use the extra Monday off every week, of course that means we are shoving five days worth of work into four and with holiday season upon us that means craziness here at work!! Yesterday I probably got a 1/4 done of what I wanted but that's how it goes somedays right! Today I have the dreaded car to motor vehicle for inspection, hopefully it passes so fingers and toes crossed for me!!

I also need to do something about this clothes washer situation, I so want to get a new one but it's just not in my budget right now, so tonight I must get to the laundry mat and at least get some of the wash done!! I know I will not feel like it, but I have too!!

Oh and lastly, major setback I believe is about to happen with my WLS journey. A letter went out to the people who are post-op, evidently the doc is moving out of network unless a resolution can be met with BCBS (they have until 9/30) if this happens then I will be forced to pay 8000.00 out of pocket to the doctor just to have the surgery! At this point that willmake the whole surgery out of the question! I mean c'mon I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and overweight. Please let them find a resolution so we can all make the changes we need to in our life to live a productive one!!


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Another rainy day.........

Does it feel like a Monday or what!! Well today, the first day after Labor Day is rainy again. It's depressing sometimes with all the rain even though we need it immensely. Anyhow the weekend turned out alot better than planned with the tropical storm Ernesto rolling in on Friday and part of Sat. The only problem is I got NO sleep Friday night with the wind!! Saturday was gray and drizzly late in the day so no real things were accomplished. Sunday, well I got the dining room cleaned out and I mean it's clean!! I vacuumed and the clothes washer broke. The stupid landlord says she doesn't think she has to replace it so there!! I will buy a new one and keep it when I move on!! Anyhow, I got a dishwasher, after three years of scrubbing dishes by hand it's a godsend for me!! No more washing all the dishes by hand!! yippee.... Football is running our life right now, practice on Friday (kids off) and Monday, ok it's a holiday! anyhow, it's all for the good of the children, right! But who wants to get up at 7am on a holiday Monday. The clouds rolled in yesterday afternoon as I was grilling and viola back in the rainy mode we are!

Today was relatively smooth in the morning with the kids, I guess the last week of getting up early and getting off to school has them back in the the mode already!! thank god I didn't feel like dealing with that! I can't wait for my first doc appt it's this Friday and we will get the ball rolling once and for all with this weight!! Hopefully the weight is


well a little update since this a.m. I was reading up on OH board that my insurance has decided to pay less than the required costs for the surgery, so now I'm not sure where I stand, maybe I won't be able to go through with this? Maybe I will, I won't know more until Friday, but it always seems so unfair to me. Oh well, another day in paradise right!


Friday, September 01, 2006

Where do I begin.................

well I'm embarking on a new journey. I've made a drastic decision in my life to undergo WLS. For those who don't know what this is, it is Weight Loss Surgery. After going through my whole life (heavy) for lack of a better word, I'm ready to reveal the skinny girl inside me who's dying to come out!! I'm 42 years old and wish I had made this great discovery years ago. I've had major issues with back pain and knee pain, which resulted in a partial knee replacement in Feb 05 and now I'm going to do this. I'm excited, nervous, scared and all the things wrapped up that make this the craziest decision I've ever made in my life. I think in the long run and the overall will make me a better person for my husband, children and future grandkids (well at least I hope so). Anyhow a little about me, i'm 42, married and have two boys 12 and 16. They are very active and keep me hopping but sometimes I just want to sit! Born and raised in Delaware but love to travel all over. I am a purchasing agent for a wine and spirit wholesaler and love my job although at times it is hectic. I go for my first surgeon consult 9/8/06 and am excited to get this underway.