Friday, November 06, 2009
Did I ever think it would come to this? To be brutally honest, NO. I never thought I would succeed with the whole WLS, the fat girl in me was thinking that at the time. Not only have I succeeded but I am two short weeks from three years out from surgery and two years out from goal. I am still maintaining and happy with that. I have found that my life now does not mirror my life prior and that is the long term goal, to make changes and healthy ones at that! I am happy, although so much has changed in my life. Who would have thought that the overweight girl who started this blog would be a whole different person in just three short years. Although to me it seems life a lifetime, it is only three years! I have my health, my kids and my happiness. I am a better person now than I ever was in the past, and for that I thank the process which I went through to get to this place.
So unfortunately with this I bid adieu......I am around, in various places and forums, but just not here no longer. This life, the one that started this blog is no longer here.. she is a ghost of the past and one that has learned alot and hopefully helped alot of people along the way, but she is gone.
I am thankful for all those that went before me and all those that will follow in my footsteps. It is not always an easy road, but a fulfilling one, that is full of fun and challenges but in the long run makes you a better person (healthy) and that is the goal we are all here to obtain.
I will keep this open for a short while, then it will be lights out....for those who want to remain in contact, let me know...for the rest of you...well I will see you on FB!! lol
Thank you and goodnight!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I have been doing well, met a new guy, Mike....he has a farm up from me, spending most of my time there....limited internet access..(of course that would change if I lived there..lol) anyhow, I am happy, I ride most weekends, walk alot, and I mean ALOT...I enjoy this country living and the hour commute to work...so...that is where I am at ...I know not so much, but those who know me can catch up on facebook or just email me...I am more agressive in those forums right now...and I have to say thanks for all who read...beacause I think this blog is coming to an end soon.....
Thursday, September 24, 2009
So here I am. Prodded by an email I received, but yes it was time to get back to my blog. Geez my summer flipflops are still my background and we have welcomed autumn into our lives here!
So where do I begin, who knows, so this may be scattered and fragmented....please bear with me.
In August, I went on vacation to the beach, ended up sick with strep and bronchitis. I was on meds for over two weeks and it took quite a while for recovery. I did heal only to find out that a position was never posted at work for a job I was hoping to apply for. They brought someone in the from the outside and well realistically my life has turned upside down. I was bitter and angry about this for a while, but I am moving past that now.
My boys have both celebrated another year of life this month! I am so proud of both of them and they are growing up to be fine young men.
My youngest has entered high school, he loves it! He loves his classes and all the new and old friends he has there!
I have met a new guy, he's a keeper, we are having a great time, and I enjoy being with him alot! We get to spend time together when we can because of our schedules, but they are quality time.
Have taken some other vacation time off also, days here and there, clearing out my house. I think I need to sell and move on at this point because its getting too much for me to handle the things that are going on with it. But then again, I am not sure I will be able to sell for a fair price, so I have been doing some homework on that.
Lastly, I have a UTI this week which comes with complications, so I am once again recovering. I have found that with the WLS and illness (other than common colds) I seem to be sicker than normal, not sure if it related, but I will say it has crossed my mind more than once this past year. I have broached this with the doctor and he is monitoring this so we'll see.....
with this I hope to be in here more often, it's Thursday almost the weekend and I can't wait till 5pm tomorrow! lol
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I am a week out from the visit to the doc and still feel like crap, so the meds are gone and I am still sick. Another call today for more meds.
I am getting my head clear so I have much to share, just not sure I am ready to put it out there yet....
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
I am coping, dealing with this sh*t that was handed to me, without explanation or even a chance to advance.
Tomorrow, boss is back, the list is written and the meeting will commence...until then...I've been silent and will remain so again.
Friday, July 31, 2009
It is Friday night, I have had a quick nap and now I am up, I was worried that Iwould not fall back asleep but I am tired. Tomrrow, early, we head for the beach, son, girlfriend and dog in tow! for the weekend. I am excited to have cofffee on the beach at 6am with the dog playing in the water on Sunday. I need a beach day, some down time to reevaluate what is going on in my life.
The boy (youngest) is back in school in about 4 weeks, I know he has totally enjoyed his summer, but it's coming to a quick end for him!
life is good for me, and him....we are off to beach in the early morning!!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I am single as the day is long, that is a new statement in my vocabulary, but one that I must adhere by to get myself through the days and weeks ahead, because we have a new acquisition and it positions me to catapult my career into the place I want to be....so I need to focus! I have been working longer than normal days, much to the dismay of my younger son. I have been absent from homelife all around for a bit, because I lack the energy to do anything but cook a good meal once I get home, but the reward will be threefold to me, my family and my career. In a day and age where most people are losing jobs, I have this opportunity to catapult mine and I am going to do everything I can to do this, I am a very motivated person and I would love to see my self succeed at this! Ok, enough gloating about me!
My son is down to a mechanical prosthetis...ok that may not be exactly the right way to put that but the cast is off, he has a uber cool brace on his leg and is able to enjoy the rest of his summer, swimming included!! He has recovered so well, I'm very proud of him, but worry that his enthusiam will reinjure himself!
Me, I am maintaining, a grand 136 today....I hardly look at the scale anymore and I am still doing my slim in 6...it is really a great, sweaty, EASY workout but she kicks your ass and you feel it the next day....my clothes are fitting better once again and I feel better about myself...ok that is really a crazy thing to say because in my past life I would never have said that...lol
I am working too many hours though and they are really taking their toll, I want to get into the Inventory Mgmt field and this is my opportunity so I am going to ride it out and see what happens. What I have found out though is I have so many friends in the industry along with my personal friends who think I am doing a great job, well balanced is the word I hear alot...although I don't always feel that way, I am glad it is all coming down to that!! so please between you and me let them think that for now!
What else, I have no clue...I just passed my 32 months out since surgery....does that even calculate with you because it seems like a distant dream to me....today at work I wore a size 6 suit, very finely tailored that I picked up at a second hand store....with a smart shirt for our meetings all day...and I felt like more than a million bucks...no wonder I always envied the skinnier girls in the past for their choice of fashion because today totally suited me!! ok no pun intended... I had a old friend/supplier rep come in, he has not seen me in person since the transformation so to speak, he was in awe, same age and he was like you are gorgeous!! talk about some comments that make your day, especially since it was bound to be stressful.
Anyhow, enough of me, life is grand, we are spending all weekends from now til the end of Oct at the beach...and I say AMEN to that, coffee and peace and silence with my poochy (cole) on the beach at 6am and I am a happy girl!!
So in essence I am not dating, so if you followed for that give it up...lol because I have! well for a while at least and I'm leading the boring life for a spell.
Neglected? does this mean I am out there living my life and have no time for my cyber friends.....if so I mean no harm because I love you all, but life is good right now!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I have been good, crazy busy, and altogether feeling like I am losing my mind!
A few quick bullets and I'll be back later with more:
- xh wants to move back here (wtf!!)
- the boy is out of his cast
- the girls and I hung out all weekend
- I was actually in my house all weekend
- I slept in on Sunday til I woke ~ can't rememer the last time I did that
- work is getting busy ~ we were awarded a whole line
- a friend is coming to visit this weekend for a while
- I'm losing my tan :(
So that is it for now...back with more later
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Yesterday I got a suprise text from M, he borrowed someone else's phone (so yes P, you win the $15 are yours lol) I just couldn't believe the unmitigated gall of him trying to contact me after I repeatedly ask he not. I really just think men are hardwired so much differently than women and I am not sure I am willing to put up with that just yet!
Work is good, busy and ever evolving but that is for the good of all of us! Willingness to evolve means we will continue working!
DS2 is getting itchy, so the healing has really begun, we've given him a yardstick so he can try to access the itches...I told him not to be too forceful or he'll break it off in there and that could mean problems again!
Other than that, the heat and humidity are going to make their appearance, we have really been lucky with quite mild weather for summer so far and I have fully enjoyed it!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Ok, for Nascar in Bristol....I chose my friend Rick. Why, because he's my friend, he's 6'4 (body guard material..lol) and he loves nascar....plus he's been through some shit with me when I break up with guys. I told him a nice dinner out one night would be great, don't get any funny ideas while on the trip!! lol He's actually over the moon about this whole adventure, because apparently that weekend is the biggest in Nascar circuit..the original Sat night race. Who would have known!! Obviously not me. I am trying to see if we are going to be close enough to visit any cool places, not likely but it will try. Anyhow, I am excited I have a plan with two great friends and well we are back at work for another fun filled week!
Weather is perfect for mid July (no a/c yet) and I am enjoying life...of course my house is wreck and no wash is done, someone really needs to go grocery shopping. I think I need a personal assistant, if only I won the powerball then all would be redeemed!!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I had a hard time getting up today also, but I finally managed it, went with a friend and we walked the dogs at the park and talked and caught up for about an hour while having some coffee. Then home, I still had no motivation, but managed to talk ds2 into going to the pool. So I worked on my tan some more. I'm exhausted, exhilerated and had a totally wonderful and relaxing weekend!
Now, back to our regularly programed show....work tomorrow :(
But the upside....next weekend is the boat trip!!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Next weekend, we are off to NYC....again, I need to find someone to accompany me, and I have been wracking my brain over this all day. I hate to ask someone at the last minute, but I think in numbers it will be that much more fun!!
Tomorrow we have decided to drive to the beach for the day, we are packed and ready to go, so now just a good nights rest and some sun and fun tomorrow and maybe a good seafood dinner on the way home!!
I made it to the Y today too, weights, I did the whole circuit, I am quite sure I will also feel this tomorrow too!! lol
As for M, yes he and I are over, but in his mind I guess he thinks not, I had to finally block his number on my phone today because he keeps calling and texting....I just don't get men, and at this point, well I don't want tooo.....lol
So with this I am off to work, I have alot to do today and we have alot of people coming in too!!
Enjoy the day and the weekend!
Thursday, July 09, 2009
My oldest son's gf is coming home tomorrow night also, 2 long months away and he is very happy she is finally coming home! He's been great about it, a little shaky at the start but overall very patient....I think that is very commendable!
So again, I'm off to work, tonight the Y and working on the issues with the wrist. I will succeed to get this back on track and getting myself well again.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Ok so that is done, of course he didn't answer, he never does and I am sure that he will bail yet again on me, because something better came up....I need to get my things so if he decides that I am not worth the time to talk to he at least needs to get my stuff out because I will be going to get it tonight!
So now I wait! as usual
DS2 is recouping, finally starting to put a little weight on that foot, unfortunately he realized last night that the cast will probably come off around the time that school starts :( Poor baby, but they are the daredevils and sometimes this is what happens.
I am off to the beach this weekend, with the wobbly ds2 in tow too, I need some R&R and away from all that has been my life around here so we are going. I am looking forward to those walks on the beach at sunrise that I missed with the girls and such. I just need some downtime and that is what we are going to do!
Other than that we are in the midst of summer, it's glorious and I definitely thrive in this weather, I probably should consider moving so that I may have this year round, but I am not sure I am ready for all of that yet, it's a thought though that keeps popping up in my head. The biggest con to this is I would miss the seasons and I truly love fall as much as I love summer!
So off to work, another productive day ahead of me and I need to get moving..
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
I am trudging along with my personal life, he did text me yesterday and we talked a bit at lunch, but I really don't feel any differently, I was able to put out there how I felt and where I was coming from during the day on Sat, did it make a difference? Who knows, because I totally put the ball back in his court! I am not contacting him, again if he continues to just be aloof I am going to make arrangements to get my things and move on. I think I should probably just make that my plan, because I almost wonder if there is anything left there for us to fight for? Some say yes, some say maybe, some say no...so the jury's out on that all around!!! lol
The boy is healing, uncomfortable but healing...hopefully he'll be able to start getting around a bit more soon.....we go back to the doc on Friday to see how he is making out!!
Off to work, another day another dollar! geez do I really make that much every day?? LOL
Monday, July 06, 2009
So, off to the trenches, hopefully the day will fly by...
Sunday, July 05, 2009
As I sat numbly watching the fireworks last night, I realized that this life I am leading is not the one I had envisioned for myself, but also the reality of what I thought and the reality of what is being seen are two different things.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
So, I'm off tonight, by myself once again, to see some fireworks and hopefully enjoy the evening!
Friday, July 03, 2009
He had no clue he was having any problems and well, to be honest I'm not sure how he would considering they had him so doped up, anywho, we are on the road to recovery. Tomorrow we go in to hopefully have the recast done. I'm hoping it will be the case, he is responding great to the antibiotics and cleaning and well it's just a huge pain in the ass at this point in his point of view and mine also! Not what either of us expected at this long weekend of celebration, but it is what it is...lol
So we are here at mom's, not exactly the place I want to be, but it is what it is and I will make the best of it. Tomorrow, we go and hopefully get cast and home! I miss home and my bed as I am sure he does too! So much for our plans.....next year hopefully will be a more memorable 4th!!!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
So, I need to find something to wear, and get my hair done and off I go.....
Oh and the sun is out, finally! After a 94 degree day yesterday I would say summer has hit us hard, thank goodness for mom's pool yesterday too, as ds2 and I were able to spend a lot of time outside of course him in the shade but it was better than being cooped up in the house all day watching tv. Poor boy :(
Thursday, June 25, 2009
So tonight I leave, off to M's for the night and then with the girls for the weekend at the shore...Can I say I need this more than I need anything else in my life. My gf's ground me, they have helped me find who I am and forever I will be grateful, but the shore, sand and lapping ocean on the shoreline doesn't hurt either!! You can bet I will have my chair planted shoreside, hungover or not and enjoying the rhythm of the waves....
I am out, till at least Monday...enjoy your weekends with loved ones and sig others....I am going to catch up I promise!!!
Tomorrow the girls and I leave for our long girls beach weekend. I can't wait to dip my toes in the ocean and sit by the shoreline and just vege, me and my girls! Of course that again takes me out of the loop of seeing my guy, but this is a much needed break for us both.
I've been good about my exercise again this week, even tired I've gotten in 3 days so far!! yeah and it's only Thursday. I plan on one more night of yoga tonight and maybe 1 day while on vacation??? Last night I came down with a horrible migraine, it's time to call the doc again as I am getting them more and more frequently. I have the meds and they help but it seems the frequency of them is what is really bothering me.
Off to finish getting ready for work...long day ahead of me......
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sat night was wonderful, simply wonderful.....
Sunday, not so wonderful. When we pulled up in front of the house and I saw weeds as tall as 3' out front I knew something was wrong. When we walked into the house I knew it, something was definitely wrong. The once normally model fit home was messy, things were everywhere and I didn't know what was going on. Then the first look at my father and I was shocked, he's lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time and was looking haggard and worn. Evidently the gf has had quite a few surgeries in less than a month and well it has forced his hand into being primary caregiver. He cannot get through the day and get everything done, but for his own health's sake I hope he takes days off here and there or he will never make it through the next 8 months of recovery. Then onto grandma's grave, 1 year has passed since she passed and well it was an emotional reunion. My father and my grandma have always been the two important people in my life, they have always loved me unconditionally and well I miss one and the other broke my heart to see how his life had turned. Of course these emotions spilled over into my own relationship and well it didn't go so well Sunday night and Monday morning, we were able to talk through it, but there is that thing, the underlying emotion that I have experienced and the fact that it had to turn into what it did, so where does that leave me, I have no clue.
Today, Tuesday is a new day to start fresh again....I want to have a very positive day! and the end of the week is girls weekend at the beach! YEAH!!!
Friday, June 19, 2009
It's been raining here for 10 days straight, but today? SUN!! I am so excited it's not even funny..lol My guy is home tomorrow night, I can't wait to see him and a quiet evening is planned with a nice dinner and just us time!
I have one more day of craziness at work, then I have a weekend to recoup and regroup. Things are certainly changing there and it's not always been easy!
Off to the races....
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Yesterday was a horrible day, well maybe not that bad in hindsight, but it seemed that every angry customer, stupid supplier and just ignorant person came out of the woodwork. I smiled, put on my best face and just hoped to get through the day, while I called my gf, made plans to meet up with her last night and detox from all the hassle of the day :) It was a nice night!
So I am off to work, again no formal exercise excep the running around at work yesterday, one day I should wear my pedometer and see how much I really walk, because it's alot!
Rain! that is the weather for today, and wind, makes for a lovely day, so we are day 16 out of 18 with rain this month, tomorrow, finally Sun.....all I hope is for Sun next Fri, Sat and Sun for my girls weekend down at the shore!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Another shocker this a.m. I woke up and my oldest was missing. His car was here, he was gone. So I text him, he responded be home soon. Who the heck knows what is going on with him. I blew up at both of my boys last night, agitation, tired and their lack of respect for me had just gone too far. I told the oldest that if he doesn't wish to help out in the house, and continue to just throw things whereever and leave them then he can move. I am tired of the house always looking cluttered and dirty. He definitely gets this trait from his father. He has just walked in so I am off to see what is going on....
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
4 more days and he's home with me, and I can't wait, just to be in the same state and 10 min down the road. Sleep will come in the form of a peaceful ahhhhhhhh.....
So now I will try to find some motivation and feel somewhat accomplished.......
Monday, June 15, 2009
So off we went, found this beautiful little cove about 100 - 150' down where we relaxed for a bit during the hike. We were almost at the mouth of the three rivers that meet here, and it was simply gorgeous.
I enjoyed this day immensely and was very glad to get out of the house and get in some fresh air, sunshine and exercise too! My son pointed out to me that we were the only ones who went onto the paths for hiking, there were quite a few people there but not many out for the exercise benefit of it. :(
I am counting down the days, 5 more and he comes home. It is truly a test for me, and my eye is on the prize and can't wait to see him. We have grown so close in this time apart, talking, texting and just missing each other. I have really learned alot about myself. There was a small scare that a request had come in for him to go to Kuwait for six months, but that was something he was able to find out was optional not mandatory. I am glad for that as I am not sure I am ready for six months away from him.
I did manage to get my wash done, some cleaning, but I have quite a bit still to do. I've been cleaning out my house to and getting rid of that which is not being used anymore. The boys have grown out of so much stuff that they just can't get rid of and I'm tired of the clutter. I need to get them both out of the house, so I can really throw things out, because if I do when they are not home, they don't even notice it's gone! lol
Another stormy day on the horizon for today :( I'm really tired of the rain and I'm sure we have caught up from our deficit earlier this year. But we are stuck in this pattern and it seems to be another week of unsettled.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I found out this a.m. that my guy does not have to go to Kuwait, it was a possibility that totally caught me off guard and unprepared...5 more days he is home!
So I leave the weekend, 1/2 rain and 1/2 wonderful and am going to bed!!!
More movies perhaps and just lay low!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Then the jazz festival in town (weather permitting)!! I love a good jazz festival and they put on a fabulous free show!
Why am I tired, because my guy and I stayed up all hours of the night talking on the phone, one more week! I finally got to bed at 5am. sheesh I'm beat!! I will sleep good tonight.
Another dear friends mom passed yesterday morning. He was with her and she literally died in his arms, my heart went out to him in his time of grief. Another positive, wonderful women has been taken by cancer (Leukemia) and now he has to pick up the pieces of his life (there is no family left) and start over. He's had not the best life, but is such a positive and wonderful person, please say a prayer for him today and for his mom who is looking down from heaven on him!
So I'm off to the shower, get moving and enjoy this day....trying to keep busy!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Had a great date last night, and I am truly grateful for him working all this out so we can talk/see each other live every other night. And for being such a dear as to move it up (time zone difference) since I have not been feeling well.
Today, back at work. blah I have not been in a working mood, although I am getting quite a bit done at work. I'm glad it's the weekend and I need some down time. Some rest to shake this cold once and for all.
The boy is enjoying his first full week of summer vacation. Unfortunately his gf's step mom is making it very hard on them both to see each other. Some people I just never get, there is nothing wrong with them hanging out, and they are kids the should be able to enjoy themselves. His other friends have pretty much been here non stop, I love the house full of kids, but sometimes too I need a break.
The older boy is missing his gf too! She is overseas visiting her dad, home July 10th, so his eye is on the prize and he has quite a bit longer than me to wait. I have enjoyed his company at home lately though :) He also wants to get back into school full time at U of De. I hope he can figure out a way to do this, but then I will have to buy his car from him. I am glad I didn't go out and buy my own, because then it wouldn't happen, of course his is a nice little car, so I don't mind.
Exercise, I have all but given up on it the past few days, I have had no energy to put forth any effort. Hopefully soon, when I start feeling a wee bit better.
The weekend is here! enjoy
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Next Saturday he comes home. I had weekend plans this weekend coming but we needed to cancel. There was a very good reason indeed, but it leaves me without a thing to do. Of course there is always laundry, cleaning and all that fun stuff. But I was thinking maybe a weekend down at the beach would do me some good right about now. Get my mind off the fact that I will have a whole new week still without him, plus who can resist hanging out with mom for the weekend..lol
So, I have to think about it, see how much I can accomplish tonight, before our "date" and then make my decision. I can always go down later tomorrow night too or early Saturday morning! we'll see how I feel I guess.....
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
The days are slowly clicking away awaiting the return of my guy, I can't wait to see him. I know he's busy, doing very well and having a good time, but the time difference between us sucks for late night phone calls to me :( I was so asleep when he finally had some downtime last night to call me.
I did manage to get my lawn cut last night though and that is good as it went far too long without a cut, and with the rain this week it would have been out of control later this week. I also dug into my dining room, cleaning it out and sprucing it up a bit. It's been on my mind for awhile so I guess the energy was there last night and I went for it!
Tonight, I have no idea, thinking a pedicure is in order. I am really trying each night to find things to do to keep my occupied, did you see that? LOL I can't swim because of the storms and the outdoor pool, but I can get my yoga in. Malibu pilates is my newest addiction too. I just love it, never was really much of a pilates girl, but this chair that is involved in the exercises really eases my knee and helps me achieve the workout I want!
Weight is still down, I am keeping it off, and just those few pounds wow do I notice the difference in my clothes. Anytime in my past life, if I had gained a few, I would just give up and throw in the towel and next thing you know I would be way up! I think it still amazes me how different my life is now!
Alright I have procrastinated enough, time to finish getting ready for the day.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
So I'm exhausted and going to watch SlumDog Millionaires (which my oldest brought home for me) and probably fall asleep!
Saturday, June 06, 2009
So first, S and I. We are officially done. We will remain friends and I think that for him it's healthy, I will admit it was bit of a blow to me. We talked alot at my last visit but talk is cheap when you live 1000 or whatever miles away and one of the two of us wants you there each and every night, starting now. With no guarantees, I was not willing to relocate my son the distance while he is getting ready to start high school and to have to leave all his friends....so it had been decided. It wasn't the best news to share, but it had to be done. I was a little heartbroken, but then again I think I have grown in so many ways that it's amazing. I have learned alot about myself and who I am and how strong of a person (women) I can be and I smile everytime I see her in the mirror! This has truly been a life altering relationship for me. I was willing to deal with the distance but he wasn't. At the end of the day I am a realist and that is what needed to be done, before the hardship and bitterness reared it's ugly head. So we still talk, he has alot of things to decide but I will always be a friend and there for him.
So I went to a bbq over Memorial Day weekend, I think I already blogged about this, but there was more that came out of it than I was ready to put out there at the time. There was a mutual friend of the hostess/host that came. I have known him probably about 5 years. Just a casual aquaintance until that night. I was in my girlfriends house getting ready to leave and this aquaintance came in and said to me I would like to walk you to your car. Ok, fine, not like we were in an unsafe neighborhood. So we went out to my car, he and I talked for about 1/2 hour outside (watching other guests leave..lol) he said to me, I want to ask you out on a date. I have known you when you were with the ex and all the crap he put me through, he said I have watched you date the rebound guys and see that you are finally settling into your skin and who you are. He said I always knew you were a great person and I want to see you as in dating. So we went on our first date the next night. It has been a whirlwind of dating and getting to really know one another since. He left this a.m. for two weeks away it is part of his job and I miss him already. Sounds silly but it is....
So a little catch up maybe not quite the length I want to explain right now, but it is out there...there are still quite a few other things we are dealing with and it's all good and I'm happy as is he so that is what counts!
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
The house remained a disaster until last night, when I got my cleaning bug. I guess it just got to be too much for me, so I cleaned and cleaned and fell into bed at 10pm....up early to finish the laundry and off to work again today.
I have alot of things going through my head, at best it's confusing. At worst, it's undeniably devastating. I'm trying to work through it as the words to put it out there are just not pouring out of my head yet. It involves alot of decisions, and most of them are hard and not nice.
On the WLS front, well I'm down again. I've managed to drop 10lb since early April. I don't know if that is good or bad, but I am not complaining. I have gone totally organic in my diet, I don't know if that helped or not, but it is what I've done. I have also added a protein shake back in my diet after my workout. Supposedly this is supposed to help.
Exercise, starting pilates. I tried it before and never liked it, but I needed a change, so I'm giving it another go!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Now, I am out, to start my weekend, at yes 10pm....with my date. A fellow I have been seeing for a little now....it's purely hedoism between him and I now, ever since I first laid eyes on him. We have so much fun, laughing, joking and just having a great time together. I know what is going on...alot in my life. S and I well, there is alot to share, but I am not hanging out with him this weekend, nor any weekend probably soon. I have found some fun, he's a light in my day, a smile on my face and some lust in my heart. So with that I leave you, unknown to what is really going on, and yes I will explain soon! Have a great weekend!!! Enjoy and I will be back Sunday!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Weekend, ended on tired note. Here I strived for a low key weekend and it was full of activities and fun and some thing I wanted to get done in the house. I have my garden planted, it looks great. The last two days have been cloudy and rainy so that will really help set those plants/bushes I planted. I need to go snap a pic of my creation. I love to work outside in the dirt, there is something very therapeutic about it.
Monday night we saw T3 - I enjoyed it and especially the person picked to play John Connor. I will say Christian Bale has had his deal with issues or whatever, but darn he is really some nice eye candy in the movie. He is busy it seems with quite a few movie projects right now.
I have some new things going on in my life right also, not quite ready to put them out there but there is smiles and fun on the horizon.....
more soon, sorry to be so cryptic
Monday, May 25, 2009
So this a.m. I'm doing coffee, relaxing and waiting for the boy to call so I can pick him up. I have flowers to finish planting and with the storms that rolled through last night the ground is in perfect condition for digging and planting today!! I will be outside, enjoying the last of the holiday weekend and life!! Hope you are too
Sunday, May 24, 2009
School is almost over for the year for the youngest, graduating 8th grade in a few weeks and then he has his summer. I've noticed over the past month that he has contacted his father less and less. I'm sure partly is from the outcome of the custody battle that I won (which excludes his father from any custody) and his constant lying to the boy about what happened and why. It reall is a sad thing.
As for S and I, well we've had quite a long stretch now where we haven't seen one another. We worked through the issues of this, although maybe I'm not quite sure it's over (the issues that is), he is coming up the weekend of the 5th and I can say honestly I'm very glad he is. Although in the back of my mind I always wonder. We are heading down to Baltimore for this visit, another great city which he has never been to.
As for me, well I'm down 5 lb, been working out more, walking alot and just taking care of me! I'm officially 2 1/2 years out now and while it's not always easy, it is the path I've chosen. I think that my life would have been stuck in the same revolving pattern of discontent had I not chosen to do this. My health and wellbeing are intact and the head does seem to finally catch up with the rest of it, eventually. But I can honestly say some days I'm still a little taken aback by the changes that I've gone through.
Ok, before it gets too hot, I'm off to cut the lawn, good exercise!!
Enjoy the holiday and remember what this is about, those who fight or have fought for our country, the ones who take the lead and take care of us when the world is not quite right!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
So last night S and I had a talk, it started as a text that turned into a phone call that ended in he can't deal with a long distance relationship. I was blindsided by this, so today I walked around numb, I'm still numb and maybe tomorrow will be a better day :(
No workout, not eating enough, and just general malaise on my part today.....geez pre-surgery, I would have headed for the Ice Cream section in the store and settled in with a spoon and 1/2 gallon...times have changed for me!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Tomorrow we are off, the second sons first concert! I'm excited to take him to it and his gf. We will see the following bands, ZZTop, Saliva, Unloaded, Puddle of Mudd, Offspring, Hailstorm ( a local band) and Papa Roach. For a first concert it should be a mind blowing event for the youngster, of course I'm only interested in really only two of the bands!!! lol
I am glad I will be able to share this with him. When I was thinking back about my first concert, my dad took me to see Aerosmith, 78, awesome and yes I was the same age as my youngest...so that is cool!!!
Anyhow, my weekend is going along perfectly a nice night for some fun with family (my oldest is home for the next six weeks or so) and friends...which I will be meeting out later tonight for some dancing and fun!!! I hope you all are having a great weekend!
Friday, May 15, 2009
We had a great lunch, caught up, talked, laughed and just like no time had passed at all, but in fact I think it's like 8 or 9 months have!! Where do he and I go from here, well who knows....I guess we'll all just have to wait and see...he did ask me to the movies Tuesday night....hee hee
Enjoy this weekend, we are busy and that is whole different post....
Oh, proud to say weight is stable, although I have let my strictness slip a little....holding at 142 right now
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My neighbor has had us up most nights this week fighting with his gf, needless to say the cops have been here each and everyone of those nights, but it doesn't help my lack of sleep :(
So I'm off to finish out tonight, and await to see what happens tomorrow.........
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Back to reality. Life is sweet right now, my neighbors kept me so awake way too late last night (they decided to start a fight at midnight as I was almost asleep) thanks....gee
So today at work I was dragging at best, I'm beat. Beyond belief. I wanted to say something to the neighbor about last night, but of course he is no where to be found! Gee wonder why....so I'm off to bed early, skipped the workout (no stamina) but the good news our pool opens this weekend, will the weather and us be ready, god probably not but it sounds so good right now!!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Had a nice Mother's Day, the youngest cooked dinner, got me a beautiful hanging basket and we just spent a quiet day at home. I was given a memories rosebush also which I transplanted later in the day and spread some mulch. Overall not a stressful day at all. The oldest came home bearing a card (cute) and sunburn (ouch). He informed me the gifts come tonight. He is also taking us to see the new Star Trek movie tonight also!
Am trying to plan another adventure to NYC for the end of the month. The list of things to do and see is longer than the time we have alloted so I had to send an email and ask which is a must do for this trip and what can wait until another time! lol Hopefully enough can be striked and still be ok for this time....
Off to get ready to go to work, back to the grind so to speak.....
Saturday, May 09, 2009
So anyhow, I got my jungle (lawn) cut, good lord was that a feat and a half. I got a few flowers transplanted as I wanted to and then we went to the movies, brought home dinner and are spending a beautiful night home. I love to be home and enjoying the laughter and fun in the home. I will miss this when the kids grow up and move out though.
So, I am off, to declutter more, that is my thing right now, I'm trying to thin things out......
Happy Mother's Day to all my mom friends! I hope you enjoy your day and it is such a great thing to be a mom!
Friday, May 08, 2009
S and I had another talk tonight, a good talk, so to say we are on a three year plan. 3 years being when my youngest graduates high school and will be intact with friends and such and then I can think more (well a little) about me...sounds selfish but it's a reality, I will always put my children first and to find someone who understands this is a very good thing. So I guess I will miss him alot during these three years but knowing there is an end in sight is more than anything else right now. I have had opportunities for more dates from here but seriously in the past month or so when I have taken them up on it, I always feel it's not right so that is telling me that S is right...I know three years sounds like alot of time, but the things we can do and the time we spend is more special and we truly will be taking it slow but in the long run I think this is a good thing!
So hopefully tomorrow it won't rain and I can cut my jungle of a lawn and get some flowers transplanted, other than that it appears it will be a low key weekend, which is not such a bad thing......
It's Friday, for that too I am grateful, although today proves to be yet another rough day at work, we have two major meetings and I woke with a wee bit of a headache so I hope that it disappates prior to me having to be in there so I may think clearly. There is alot of changes going on at work, when I say alot, I mean ALOT, I think we are in jeopardy if not need to do our best right now, it's good changes but so much all at once is alot to remember and digest sometimes.
I am hoping for a drier weekend, I need to cut the grass. It's getting way to high, my backyard looks like a jungle and the water is lying so I know that will be a challenge. I want to plant some flowers and would love to pickup some baskets or something to spruce up the yard a bit!
S is coming soon, we talked about it last night. I am excited as always to see him...until then.....I am going to enjoy my weekend.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
So I went and got some artificial sun tonight (tanning), I talked to S shortly (there is another story behind that one), I made a great dinner for me the boy and his gf, and I finished the laundry that was building up. I want to have a drink and there is none in the house, so that is a VERY good thing right now because I'm too lazy to go out for one!!
I need to find some things around the house to distract me, again I'm thinking I should move out of this pot known as my home because it sux all the extra money I save just to keep up with it, but not sure that would cure my financial situation. I want a vacation (ok I know I had quite a few this year already) and I need some change in my life, something to look forward to again...
So with that I'm off to figure out some things and ponder my life, or read a book and fall asleep which ever comes first! HA HA
I just get so sick of the clouds and rain and gray, maybe it's time to think AZ or NM? Somewhere dry and hot and well sunny......
So off for another day of gray clouds and the beginning of yet another chapter of my life, how do I feel......
like a 150 lb weight is lifted off from around my neck..............and that had nothing to do with the surgery
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Also, I got a chance to go to a new grocery store, Central Market. Oh how I wish there were some of these up here! I was like a kid in a candy store in there, it was absolutely amazing. I can't wait for my next trip down to visit again!!
Came home on time but to be awoken early in the morning on Monday with a mind bending migraine. I believe this is my third that has required me out of work for a day so the next one will require a call to the doctor for a med check on that one. Back to work today and a not so friendly visit to court to followup on my petition for full custody, it was a good news/bad news type of day. Good news - custody awarded Bad news - all back child support owed was dropped FOREVER! I knew not to count on it but geez.
So the ex came up for this grand event, he agreed in front of the judge to relinquish all rights, what type of person does this and the better question at this point is how could I have ever been married to this type of person. It makes me sad to realize that I never really knew what he was capable of. Amazingly so, it's a relief to be rid of him once and for all.....so another emotional trying day and a new beginning again for me.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Went out with my girls last night, oh what fun and they make me laugh so much....of course they always try to turn the focus of conversation on my life, but I killed that quickly....and yes I still love them all and we had a blast!!!
Tomorrow is packing, laundry and I am dont' even know what we are doing this weekend packing....ok did I say I have to pack, because geez without knowing what is going on (it's a surprise now for me) I have no friggin clue what to pack.....
So lovelies out there and of course the gents I will see you Monday, maybe Tuesday...enjoy this weekend as I am sure I will no matter what!!!!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I'm exercising again steadily, I'm very excited about that. Also, eating is going well, grazing is being cut back to a minimum and keep the junk at bay. Spring and summer I find this to be easy to do and winter (well not so much).
I have alot to finish for today to leave on time, hopefully tonight I'll be back with more
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I'm starting to think drastic measures are in store for me!!!
I have a horrible rumbling in my tummy and it is ending there...I will spare you all my gruesome adventures...wish me well...I need some relief!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
So I have been taking things, to try and force the bowel movement, the one I NEED so desparately and then to see what the hell I need to do to get the waist going the right way! Which obviously right now is not happening. I have been doing my yoga religiously 3 or 4 times a week, I've added back in the weights portion of workouts on opposite days and the stupid stomach crunches on the ball! I'm weak in my right arm after the disaster (I mean) fall I took in Dec. My right wrist was actually cracked almost in two and I let it heal that way so the doc said let's leave it...me I'm not happy that I am having troubles lifting a 10lb weight with it. Geez I am glad I am not at the gym where everyone would see the girl struggling to hold the stupid dumbbell.....
I have been journaling my eating too. I'm not kidding I'm sick of this pudge or tire around my middle, I mean c'mon this winter was cold but I was not THAT inactive! I know something needs to change and quick...of course that is better said than done at this point of the game. I just do not want to see the scale start creeping up. I have had two nightmares in the past few weeks about this also. I've actually jumped up out of bed and had to run to the mirror in the middle of the night to make sure I did not gain weight (Otherwise known as my former self) how pathetic is that! My heart would be racing and once I even had sweat on my brow. I think I'm truly loosing it! If I am not, I should be. I think that since losing, I've developed this sort of adversity to gain and fat people. How sad is that, I was one of them for most of my adult life, I'm no beauty queen, skinny mini or rockstar but I have worked so hard to get to where I am, I'm terrified (especially when I read of those who returned) of being FAT again!
Ok, there I've said it, it's out. Do I feel better, NO. I will probably have the nightmare again tonight!
I've also done a stellar job of staying away from the booze, no easy feat when you are out in the public with drinks so readily (and being peddled) to you at every turn. I mean, c'mon what is wrong with society, there was actually a few times in SA when they were appalled I did NOT order a cocktail, um it's 8am I want coffee! Plus work, I mean I surrounded by lots of favorites each day, it's so easy to go in the back and get a bottle to take home. So anyhow back to me, yes, I've been good, I need to learn how to moderate, which is something I was getting away from horribly, but it's seems to be in control for now, we'll see how long this lasts..lol
I am 29 months out from surgery this month, actually as of yesterday. I've maintained the weight loss that I have achieved, no easy feat in itself, but man those demons are rearing their ugly heads....
Monday, April 20, 2009
As for me, well shorts and a tshirt were fine for the weather, I did get quite a bit sun and of course was not thinking about it, so I am red...
Today, rain and chilly back in the 50's......