Sunday, June 28, 2009

What a great Saturday....

I don't always get along with my mom, but man she helped me out in a big way yesterday! Ds2 stayed with her lounging by the pool and sticking one leg in!! lol while M and I and two of his friends headed down the shore. It was a beautiful sunny day, we stopped and had a quick bite to eat before hitting the sand. I can't believe I totally forgot my camera, what the heck! The ocean was suprisingly warm too, spent about 1 1/2 hours in it swimming and just riding the waves. I was exhausted afterward and fell promptly asleep while he went running on the sand. lol Around 5pm some dark clouds popped up and everyone as running for the cars, we took our time since we were already all wet! Stopped in Dewey on the way back up and had some ok seafood we shared. It wasn't the best food, but it was a great day. On the way home we decided to go out that night (after showers) for a few drinks. I called mom to make sure and talk to ds2. He said to me, "Mom, go out, come over tomorrow morning and get me and we'll hang then, have fun!" My little boy, getting so grown up. So I came home showered and met him back at his house and off we went, we then hung out at his house for the night and I got ds2 this morning and we watched a movie and made pancakes. He's resting right now, as this weekend spent by the pool has drained him along with all the pain meds he's taking! One day at a time right now....

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Best laid plans turn to mush......

So Thursday night I am getting ready to walk out the door to M's but first have to take ds2 to mom's. He's outside skateboarding, doing all those fancy tricks he sees on tv, videos, thing I hear is this blood curdling scream, it literally made my blood run cold. I run out the back door and there he is lying 1/2 on the sidewalk, 1/2 in the street, but the thing that worried me the most was the bone protruding from his ankle. There is no way I can get him up and in the car and of course I didn't want him to realize what had happened, he was just laying there sobbing. So I told him to just stay put, DO NOT MOVE and keep your head down, I need to get something. I ran into the house and called 911 for an ambulance and then M to let him know what is going on. Well, M said call back 911 and cancel that (no need for that bill) and he came over and got ds2 in the truck and off to the hospital we went. After hours of what seemed like waiting, but really it was xrays and whatnot, they decided to stabilize him and get some of the swelling down before they have to go in and put in pins and whatnot...poor baby, now for him the summer is done. He's right now home with me and mom, we headed up to mom's because I can't lift him by myself and my oldest is working all weekend. So yesterday was a chore, it was hard to get him to the bathroom and such.....anyhow long story short, tomorrow we go home, I'm tired, but Mom and T are at the house today, so mom and M decided to get me out of the house. They agreed yesterday and M, me and two friends are headed down the shore for the day. I don't always get along w/my mom but she suprised me this time and for that I am grateful! So, I will be leaving shortly to scoot down to M's and off we go, I hope it's a good day, but at least ds2 is in good hands today and I will get one beach day in. Unfortunately, also this was our weekend at the beach with the gf's and of course I had to cancel that :(

So, I need to find something to wear, and get my hair done and off I go.....

Oh and the sun is out, finally! After a 94 degree day yesterday I would say summer has hit us hard, thank goodness for mom's pool yesterday too, as ds2 and I were able to spend a lot of time outside of course him in the shade but it was better than being cooped up in the house all day watching tv. Poor boy :(

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Ok so....

I will admit I have been a total slacker reading my friends/fellow bloggers out there...I love you all but my life has been crazy busy and yes I will read up on each and every one of you!!

So tonight I leave, off to M's for the night and then with the girls for the weekend at the shore...Can I say I need this more than I need anything else in my life. My gf's ground me, they have helped me find who I am and forever I will be grateful, but the shore, sand and lapping ocean on the shoreline doesn't hurt either!! You can bet I will have my chair planted shoreside, hungover or not and enjoying the rhythm of the waves....

I am out, till at least Monday...enjoy your weekends with loved ones and sig others....I am going to catch up I promise!!!

Up and down for a few days this week....

he is adjusting to being back home, alot going on with him and well it's just been hard on him and me. We'll get through it.

Tomorrow the girls and I leave for our long girls beach weekend. I can't wait to dip my toes in the ocean and sit by the shoreline and just vege, me and my girls! Of course that again takes me out of the loop of seeing my guy, but this is a much needed break for us both.

I've been good about my exercise again this week, even tired I've gotten in 3 days so far!! yeah and it's only Thursday. I plan on one more night of yoga tonight and maybe 1 day while on vacation??? Last night I came down with a horrible migraine, it's time to call the doc again as I am getting them more and more frequently. I have the meds and they help but it seems the frequency of them is what is really bothering me.

Off to finish getting ready for work...long day ahead of me......

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

At the end of an emotional weekend.....

He finally got in late Saturday night, we had a great night and I was off on Sunday to do my planned day of seeing dad and visiting my grandma's grave.

Sat night was wonderful, simply wonderful.....

Sunday, not so wonderful. When we pulled up in front of the house and I saw weeds as tall as 3' out front I knew something was wrong. When we walked into the house I knew it, something was definitely wrong. The once normally model fit home was messy, things were everywhere and I didn't know what was going on. Then the first look at my father and I was shocked, he's lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time and was looking haggard and worn. Evidently the gf has had quite a few surgeries in less than a month and well it has forced his hand into being primary caregiver. He cannot get through the day and get everything done, but for his own health's sake I hope he takes days off here and there or he will never make it through the next 8 months of recovery. Then onto grandma's grave, 1 year has passed since she passed and well it was an emotional reunion. My father and my grandma have always been the two important people in my life, they have always loved me unconditionally and well I miss one and the other broke my heart to see how his life had turned. Of course these emotions spilled over into my own relationship and well it didn't go so well Sunday night and Monday morning, we were able to talk through it, but there is that thing, the underlying emotion that I have experienced and the fact that it had to turn into what it did, so where does that leave me, I have no clue.

Today, Tuesday is a new day to start fresh again....I want to have a very positive day! and the end of the week is girls weekend at the beach! YEAH!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

We are there....

and I am almost in blissful mode....yes

He's almost home
I am almost 100% happy
and the weekend...well....

will be blissful.......I can't wait

more to come....

see you all on Monday or more updates!!!!

I am so glad it's Friday....

you have no idea. After another trying day yesterday, I came home after stopping at bank, made a quick pot of spaghetti for the boys, ate a small salad and headed up to bed. Yes, 6:30pm and I was in bed and asleep at 7pm. I slept straight through until 10:30 and then was up for about 1/2 hour and fell promptly back asleep. M called around midnight and we talked until about 1:30 and I fell back asleep but finally woke up this a.m. well slept and refreshed for the first time in days! My oldest took care of his brother running him between his friends and gf's house which was great, he made sure the house stayed quiet for me, cleaned up the dinner dishes and the family room too (I need to write that down it's a first in a long time).

It's been raining here for 10 days straight, but today? SUN!! I am so excited it's not even My guy is home tomorrow night, I can't wait to see him and a quiet evening is planned with a nice dinner and just us time!

I have one more day of craziness at work, then I have a weekend to recoup and regroup. Things are certainly changing there and it's not always been easy!

Off to the races....

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Technically it's 2 1/2 days....but who's counting...

I am, that is who! lol Last night he said that him and his buddies have a celebratory drink after drills, I wasn't happy with this and said you have spent every minute of every day with these guys for two weeks, I understand the whole it's over and male bonding thing, but geez I want to be selfish and have him all to myself, because I know what guys + drinking = out all night and I'm driving them home (all drunk) needless to say I was none to happy about this and made my opinion very clear!!

Yesterday was a horrible day, well maybe not that bad in hindsight, but it seemed that every angry customer, stupid supplier and just ignorant person came out of the woodwork. I smiled, put on my best face and just hoped to get through the day, while I called my gf, made plans to meet up with her last night and detox from all the hassle of the day :) It was a nice night!

So I am off to work, again no formal exercise excep the running around at work yesterday, one day I should wear my pedometer and see how much I really walk, because it's alot!

Rain! that is the weather for today, and wind, makes for a lovely day, so we are day 16 out of 18 with rain this month, tomorrow, finally Sun.....all I hope is for Sun next Fri, Sat and Sun for my girls weekend down at the shore!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Something is not right in my world........

I slept way too much last night. I was dragging cleaning up dinner and starting to get things together today for lunch. I came into my bed at 9pm and instead of watching a little tv, I turned it off and promptly fell asleep. M called twice, I did manage to eek out a conversation with him, but he kept saying I hear how tired you are baby. I am tired, I woke up this late, I am dragging and when I looked in the mirror I saw that old face peering back at me. Puffy, semi swollen, but also very reddish and just didn't look like me. I have had coffee number one to try and clear the cobwebs that in my head, but it just doesn't seem to be doing it's job. I am still tired and still dragging. I just don't know what is wrong. Work keeps me busy, in a flowing way that I guess I never realize during the day how tired I am....and the girl who sits in front of me is sick, sore throat, general malaize and feeling bad. I just hope that our close proximity isn't getting me sick :(

Another shocker this a.m. I woke up and my oldest was missing. His car was here, he was gone. So I text him, he responded be home soon. Who the heck knows what is going on with him. I blew up at both of my boys last night, agitation, tired and their lack of respect for me had just gone too far. I told the oldest that if he doesn't wish to help out in the house, and continue to just throw things whereever and leave them then he can move. I am tired of the house always looking cluttered and dirty. He definitely gets this trait from his father. He has just walked in so I am off to see what is going on....

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I need some sleep.........

I don't want to say the time difference is killing me, but darn I am so tired. I get up early every morning for work, conditioned, programmed or just happens I do, no matter what happens the night before. Last night my day ended at 12:46a.m. Tuesday, I got up as normal, 5:40am tuesday, hence lack of proper sleep. I come home at the end of each work day and force myself to cook dinner before I drop dead on the couch. Tonight, 1 hr 45 min and I'm still exhausted. I am definitely ready for bed now and have so much to do I don't want to sleep :(

4 more days and he's home with me, and I can't wait, just to be in the same state and 10 min down the road. Sleep will come in the form of a peaceful ahhhhhhhh.....

So now I will try to find some motivation and feel somewhat accomplished.......

Monday, June 15, 2009

1/2 and 1/2.....

for as rainy and lousy as Saturday turned out to be, Sunday was beautiful. So we did what we always do when we need to get out of the house, we went to the park for a hike!!

So off we went, found this beautiful little cove about 100 - 150' down where we relaxed for a bit during the hike. We were almost at the mouth of the three rivers that meet here, and it was simply gorgeous.

I enjoyed this day immensely and was very glad to get out of the house and get in some fresh air, sunshine and exercise too! My son pointed out to me that we were the only ones who went onto the paths for hiking, there were quite a few people there but not many out for the exercise benefit of it. :(

I am counting down the days, 5 more and he comes home. It is truly a test for me, and my eye is on the prize and can't wait to see him. We have grown so close in this time apart, talking, texting and just missing each other. I have really learned alot about myself. There was a small scare that a request had come in for him to go to Kuwait for six months, but that was something he was able to find out was optional not mandatory. I am glad for that as I am not sure I am ready for six months away from him.

I did manage to get my wash done, some cleaning, but I have quite a bit still to do. I've been cleaning out my house to and getting rid of that which is not being used anymore. The boys have grown out of so much stuff that they just can't get rid of and I'm tired of the clutter. I need to get them both out of the house, so I can really throw things out, because if I do when they are not home, they don't even notice it's gone! lol

Another stormy day on the horizon for today :( I'm really tired of the rain and I'm sure we have caught up from our deficit earlier this year. But we are stuck in this pattern and it seems to be another week of unsettled.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Thankful for a day of sun...........

it made such a difference for me. Me and my youngest ventured out to Elk Neck State Park, it is one of my favorites around, we did the hike took a different trail and got so I ended up having to climb about 100 feet upward almost vertical to the next trail. But I did it and I felt so darned accomplished!!! I can't tell you the feeling of euphoria when I reached the peak. It's amazing because I know a few short years ago this would have been IMPOSSIBLE! So today I have conquered yet again another milestone!! yeah

I found out this a.m. that my guy does not have to go to Kuwait, it was a possibility that totally caught me off guard and unprepared...5 more days he is home!

So I leave the weekend, 1/2 rain and 1/2 wonderful and am going to bed!!!

Rained out..........

yesterday turned into a bust weather wise, around 1pm as we were getting ready to walk out the door, the skies opened up and it poured for hours, in fact we are still in the soup right now :( I lost all my will for anything else, so we kicked back and watched a few movies. It was good, but then around 8pm I got my cleaning bug, started laundry and cleaning and fell into bed aroun 1am. I am up early today, it's still crappy out, the backyard is ponding with water and again I have no clue what I will do today.

More movies perhaps and just lay low!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Tired and a busy day today....

We are going to venture out to Separation Day, it's celebrated here in Delaware prior to the 4th of July declaring our independence. There will be vendors, people dressed in all types of civil war clothes and reanactments. It's not the best day out but a nice day for a stroll down by the river!

Then the jazz festival in town (weather permitting)!! I love a good jazz festival and they put on a fabulous free show!

Why am I tired, because my guy and I stayed up all hours of the night talking on the phone, one more week! I finally got to bed at 5am. sheesh I'm beat!! I will sleep good tonight.

Another dear friends mom passed yesterday morning. He was with her and she literally died in his arms, my heart went out to him in his time of grief. Another positive, wonderful women has been taken by cancer (Leukemia) and now he has to pick up the pieces of his life (there is no family left) and start over. He's had not the best life, but is such a positive and wonderful person, please say a prayer for him today and for his mom who is looking down from heaven on him!

So I'm off to the shower, get moving and enjoy this day....trying to keep busy!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Friday and still counting....

I wish it were next Friday, but alas I still a little over a week to go. I did not get much done yesterday, so if I go to the beach, it will be for the day. I have alot to do here at home, but this weather is not cooperating with me. I still am feeling pretty icky with this cold. None stop sneezing and the cough. I hate allergies! They seem to exasperate the whole cold.

Had a great date last night, and I am truly grateful for him working all this out so we can talk/see each other live every other night. And for being such a dear as to move it up (time zone difference) since I have not been feeling well.

Today, back at work. blah I have not been in a working mood, although I am getting quite a bit done at work. I'm glad it's the weekend and I need some down time. Some rest to shake this cold once and for all.

The boy is enjoying his first full week of summer vacation. Unfortunately his gf's step mom is making it very hard on them both to see each other. Some people I just never get, there is nothing wrong with them hanging out, and they are kids the should be able to enjoy themselves. His other friends have pretty much been here non stop, I love the house full of kids, but sometimes too I need a break.

The older boy is missing his gf too! She is overseas visiting her dad, home July 10th, so his eye is on the prize and he has quite a bit longer than me to wait. I have enjoyed his company at home lately though :) He also wants to get back into school full time at U of De. I hope he can figure out a way to do this, but then I will have to buy his car from him. I am glad I didn't go out and buy my own, because then it wouldn't happen, of course his is a nice little car, so I don't mind.

Exercise, I have all but given up on it the past few days, I have had no energy to put forth any effort. Hopefully soon, when I start feeling a wee bit better.

The weekend is here! enjoy

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A day of mixed emotions....

today I woke up not feeling so great. In fact my youngest has caught a pretty darn nasty cold and he wants his mom to snuggle with last night so I was feeling a bit achy and tired myself. Off to bed early I went. This a.m. I woke up sinus' draining and the weather crappy. I almost wonder when we will ever see the sun again! Off to work, and still feeling rather down, my guy (bless his soul) totally picked up on that via text (even though I said I was great) lol liar!! He called me, not once, but twice. Talk about a ray of sunshine in my day. I still am feeling a bit under the weather but it was nice to talk with him on the phone instead of just via text! I am totally falling for him, and the distance seems to have brought us closer together instead of further apart!

Next Saturday he comes home. I had weekend plans this weekend coming but we needed to cancel. There was a very good reason indeed, but it leaves me without a thing to do. Of course there is always laundry, cleaning and all that fun stuff. But I was thinking maybe a weekend down at the beach would do me some good right about now. Get my mind off the fact that I will have a whole new week still without him, plus who can resist hanging out with mom for the

So, I have to think about it, see how much I can accomplish tonight, before our "date" and then make my decision. I can always go down later tomorrow night too or early Saturday morning! we'll see how I feel I guess.....

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

It's raining it's pouring.....

literally, it is coming down so hard right now I can hardly see the car in the drive. Sheesh what a way to start the morning. So I will waste time and blog. Great now thunder

The days are slowly clicking away awaiting the return of my guy, I can't wait to see him. I know he's busy, doing very well and having a good time, but the time difference between us sucks for late night phone calls to me :( I was so asleep when he finally had some downtime last night to call me.

I did manage to get my lawn cut last night though and that is good as it went far too long without a cut, and with the rain this week it would have been out of control later this week. I also dug into my dining room, cleaning it out and sprucing it up a bit. It's been on my mind for awhile so I guess the energy was there last night and I went for it!

Tonight, I have no idea, thinking a pedicure is in order. I am really trying each night to find things to do to keep my occupied, did you see that? LOL I can't swim because of the storms and the outdoor pool, but I can get my yoga in. Malibu pilates is my newest addiction too. I just love it, never was really much of a pilates girl, but this chair that is involved in the exercises really eases my knee and helps me achieve the workout I want!

Weight is still down, I am keeping it off, and just those few pounds wow do I notice the difference in my clothes. Anytime in my past life, if I had gained a few, I would just give up and throw in the towel and next thing you know I would be way up! I think it still amazes me how different my life is now!

Alright I have procrastinated enough, time to finish getting ready for the day.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

13 days and counting....

the day was filled with shopping, cleaning and wash. I am trying to do everything I can to be busy! My son scored an awesome acoustic guitar at a steal today, some CD's and we just walked around outside at the flea market. I got a Hulk pinball machine, it's awesome and it was free! The guy, he loves the Hulk, so it's a surprise for him as he collects memoribilia!

So I'm exhausted and going to watch SlumDog Millionaires (which my oldest brought home for me) and probably fall asleep!


Saturday, June 06, 2009

He's gone

for two weeks. I know, I know I haven't talked about it much and there is alot to much to share but I have been laying low with it all. Is that out of fear, not to jinx myself...I have flippin clue because truth be told I usually don't hold back on many things. So, if you have a few minutes or a half an hour I will catch you all up on what is really going on. What I have been sharing is the icing on the cake so to speak, but deep down there have been quite a few other things!

So first, S and I. We are officially done. We will remain friends and I think that for him it's healthy, I will admit it was bit of a blow to me. We talked alot at my last visit but talk is cheap when you live 1000 or whatever miles away and one of the two of us wants you there each and every night, starting now. With no guarantees, I was not willing to relocate my son the distance while he is getting ready to start high school and to have to leave all his it had been decided. It wasn't the best news to share, but it had to be done. I was a little heartbroken, but then again I think I have grown in so many ways that it's amazing. I have learned alot about myself and who I am and how strong of a person (women) I can be and I smile everytime I see her in the mirror! This has truly been a life altering relationship for me. I was willing to deal with the distance but he wasn't. At the end of the day I am a realist and that is what needed to be done, before the hardship and bitterness reared it's ugly head. So we still talk, he has alot of things to decide but I will always be a friend and there for him.

So I went to a bbq over Memorial Day weekend, I think I already blogged about this, but there was more that came out of it than I was ready to put out there at the time. There was a mutual friend of the hostess/host that came. I have known him probably about 5 years. Just a casual aquaintance until that night. I was in my girlfriends house getting ready to leave and this aquaintance came in and said to me I would like to walk you to your car. Ok, fine, not like we were in an unsafe neighborhood. So we went out to my car, he and I talked for about 1/2 hour outside (watching other guests he said to me, I want to ask you out on a date. I have known you when you were with the ex and all the crap he put me through, he said I have watched you date the rebound guys and see that you are finally settling into your skin and who you are. He said I always knew you were a great person and I want to see you as in dating. So we went on our first date the next night. It has been a whirlwind of dating and getting to really know one another since. He left this a.m. for two weeks away it is part of his job and I miss him already. Sounds silly but it is....

So a little catch up maybe not quite the length I want to explain right now, but it is out there...there are still quite a few other things we are dealing with and it's all good and I'm happy as is he so that is what counts!

He did it!!!

Yes, 8th grade is a really big deal now. They are entering into uncharted territory called high school next year. It was a great day, I had a tear in my eye and a smile on my face.....

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Life as I know it.......

Was a whirlwind this weekend. Spent sometime with many friends doing various activities and nothing done in the I had a great bike ride on Sunday with an old friend and his sister and her boyfriend. It was really great to see them again and what a perfect day for a bike ride.

The house remained a disaster until last night, when I got my cleaning bug. I guess it just got to be too much for me, so I cleaned and cleaned and fell into bed at 10pm....up early to finish the laundry and off to work again today.

I have alot of things going through my head, at best it's confusing. At worst, it's undeniably devastating. I'm trying to work through it as the words to put it out there are just not pouring out of my head yet. It involves alot of decisions, and most of them are hard and not nice.

On the WLS front, well I'm down again. I've managed to drop 10lb since early April. I don't know if that is good or bad, but I am not complaining. I have gone totally organic in my diet, I don't know if that helped or not, but it is what I've done. I have also added a protein shake back in my diet after my workout. Supposedly this is supposed to help.

Exercise, starting pilates. I tried it before and never liked it, but I needed a change, so I'm giving it another go!