Monday, June 30, 2008

Another great day

I had my second date today with the new guy, B. He called around 10 and invited me to lunch, we had such a great time talking, laughing and eating that I lost track of time and was 1/2 hour late back to work, oopsss!! Anyhow, we are doing it again on Wed. I can't believe what a great person he is, so easy to talk to and we do have alot of things in common right now.

Work today, one word - Frustrating

Will they ever be able to make a decision while i am not there...sheesh. It felt like they saved everything for me, although I know they didn't it just seemed that way to me.

Exercise - Nil again, I need to get back in the routine.

Cleaning - Nil again, I desparately need to clean my house

Grocery shopping - partly done, I just didn't have the energy to do alot tonight.

I dropped the boy off at work and have to pick him up at 11:30, that is enough to damper anyone's evening!!

So I'm off, to catch an hour of sleep before I have to pick himup

till tomorrow

Back to work

It was a bittersweet week last week, we buried my grandma and well then we started all over yesterday. Yesterday we had my sister's bridal shower, it was a great time had by all and a new beginning at happiness for the couple. I'm bracing for a very busy week at work this week and a short one at that.

Had a great mini date last night, we had a blast. It was really good to get out and laugh a little after everything else that went on!

So I'm off to work, to get my groove on and well try to get some semblence of normal back in my homelife also, as I have done NO wash and NO cleaning! Yikes!!!

Happy Monday

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The most incredible seafood!

If you ever get a chance to come to the Wilmington waterfront, a place to eat is Harry's Seafood. They have the best seafood there that you would ever eat. Everytime I go there the food is fresh, the menu is different and they plan it all on what is the freshest available at the market that morning. Today, I had a lunch of lobster and boston bibb lettuce with tomato and avacado. It was incredible, then I shared a strawberry shortcake with chantilly cream with my little sister, the bride to be! It was heaven on earth. Of course I have 1/2 of my salad left over for dinner tonight or tomorrow.

I have a lunch date tomorrow, nice guy I met out and I'm having drinks with another fellow tonight. I will say it's daunting the amount of guys who come out of the woodwork when you are not the "fat" girl anymore. I'm enjoying it, as I am a huge people person, but clearly most only are looking for one thing and when that comes up, CHECK PLEASE!

I still like the guy K, but I don't think he wants or knows how to have a relationship, I don't want to be just the girl that hangs out with you when you work at the bar! Seriously I love the drinks and all the attention, but there is way more to life than that! So, I'm not really sure what he wants, I don't even think he knows what he wants. It seems to me that he has filled his time with things he does, work, biking, triathalons, his son, but it does not seem there is room at all for a girl. So, I'm going to let him ride it out, I do think he is a really great person, seriously, but life is too short for that.

I haven't exercised in days, my body is so telling me this right at this very moment. Will I do any tonight, my plan is yes, but in my heart I doubt it will happen. I need to get back in my routine, but with everything that happened last week and now this week in preparation for the big day on Saturday, who knows.

On the weight front, I am maintaining, which is a very good thing! I was worried I would have dropped too much with the lack of eating properly and well too much drinking this weekend! Had a great weekend with my friends, old and new ones I met yesterday at their pool party. We had a great time, I have some new pics to post as soon as I get them uploaded!

So I'm off for my drinks and some hopefully nice conversation. I have alot of work this week and well its going to be another short one for me. The picnic is Friday, the wedding Sat and I still have yet to buy a dress. If anyone has a beautiful size 6 dress for a summer wedding, please send it to me!! LOL

Friday, June 27, 2008

Couldn't sleep

I hate the waiting. I couldn't sleep, even though I had a few drinks last night to try and help me sleep. The girls showed up at my door to bring me out for a few (I had 2). They said K sent them to get me. He's such a sweetie and man the big hug I got from him was the best I had all week and much needed. So I was out, we had a few, listened to some music, I really wasn't into the whole night but it was a nice distraction after the full day of cooking and seeing old relatives. My mom's house was a bustling pletora of activity all day into the evening.

I also got to speak with another fellow (who I told time and time again I will only ever be your friend) about some things he was saying about me. I didn't like what was said at all and well to be honest I am not the kind of person he was portraying me to be, but then the person who relayed the message doesn't like me much anyhow, so....well anyhow, back to him, I told him why would you say such things happened between us when they didn't, of course he denied the whole thing. IDIOT!! I told him this is not you treat friends, at least this is not how I treat friends so he wasn't being a real friend and please just refrain from speaking with me.

Another guy last night told me I looked mean, whateva...I told him my grandma died and I was just out of sorts, he said so, people die everyday. They were just a dime a dozen last night.

So today, I have my beautiful dress ready to wear, I have to shower and get ready, I've been up for hours and well I'm not really ready, I just want to see her and give a hug one more time but everytime I think about it I well up with tears. Sometimes I hate that I am such an openly emotional person but it is what it is and there will be alot of tissues today!

J and MB are picking me up after I drop my youngest off tonight, to distract me for a while. That sounds like the best idea I've heard all day, just to get there.

On the bright note, I have a date tomorrow night with K. Yes the K I am not sure of, but he has been there for me all week, he is a nice guy (or at least so far) so I'm excited about this. Sunday is my little sister's wedding shower and we are going to one yummy restaurant on the Wilmington Waterfront...YUMMY!!

Moving on to WL, I haven't exercised in a few days, I am feeling the effects of not doing so, but I just haven't had the time, tomorrow my body needs it. I still cannot get it in my head how someone who shyed away from exercise and healthy living now craves it when she isn't doing it. I really have come along way but sometimes I still think like the "fat" girl. My weight, well it's down, I knew it was going to go there, but there again lies a change. Before I used to run to food, smuggle, hide and gorge myself anytime I had any stress or anything happen in my life. Now, well my throat constricts and I can't seem to get anything down. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how stress and eating is so different than before and it seems to be a change that alot of WLS patients go through. The how and why of that? I have no idea but it seems to be the norm. So I have hit the 130's, never in my life do I remember being in the 130's but there I am....Sometimes when I wear certain types of clothes well I look too thin, am I? Have I done something that is too drastic and radical? No, because after this passes I will put back on a few pounds, I will resume being me and normal....I'm happy, healthy, and well just normal. Isnt' that really what we all wanted to be at the beginning of this journey?

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Today I cook

For the upcoming post funeral celebration. My mom has her plate full so I've liberated some of that cooking from her. Roast beef, meatballs, pasta salad, potato salad and whatever else I figure out along the way. Tonight we all gather at the funeral home for a family viewing, I'm not looking forward to it. Even as I type I am getting that familiar lump in my stomach bleech :(

On another note, apparently a guy whom I've met and told time and time again that we will only ever be friends is spreading lies about me that we are sleeping together. Um NO, and that would be a big ewww too! So at some point I have to find the time to locate him and nip this in the bud once and for all. At this point in my life I do not want to be living a high school memories again. I can't believe people and why would they stoop that low to say that to someone I know.

So I need to get busy, and I want to blog soon, more I have alot going on in my life and this current family crisis is just the tip of the iceburg. I need some release but have had no time to write.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Picking up the pieces

Is what we start doing today. The whole family has gathered, and I'm happy to see most whom I haven't seen in years, but sad due to the occasion. I will glad when it's over and we can move on to a happier celebration of my little sister's marriage. She gets married on 7/5 and originally that is why she and my other sister were coming up this past Monday.

On a side note - WLS wise, I have definitely noticed that I'm not a grazer or a secret eater when it comes to stress of this nature, in fact I've been eating somewhat normal but alot less. I find myself getting choked up when it's time to eat and feel like my throat is restricted from taking in any food and pushing it past my throat. It is definitely a landmark for me who for most of her whole life has been an emotional eater.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Life is so unexpected

Today is the day we made the final arrangements for one of the most beautiful people in my world. My grandma. She passed away today at age 96, despite her age and lack of eyesight for the last 15-20 years she has led a fulfilling and wonderful life. She was the most simple person I knew, she gave her love and affection to all, unconditionally. So as I go through these next few days in preparation of the rest of the family coming home and laying her down in her final resting place, I reflect.

She is living with god now, she believed in him utmost over everything else, but her family always came first. She was an angel sent down in a time of deep depression in her native Poland, luckily her family was able to escape pre Holocaust.

I love you grandma and will never forget you!

Sad Day

Yesterday I got a call from my mom, they have decided to take my grandmother off her life support. I'm very sad, but dont' want her to suffer. She's hanging in there as of now, I hope my two sisters get up here in time to see her before she goes. She's the strongest most beautiful person I know in my life. She has lived a full 96 years and has great family and friends.

Needless to say this isn't the way I thought it would go, but there it is. God has a plan for our family, even if it includes a funeral possibly before the wedding. It's so sad and I'm just dealing.

Did my balance ball, trying to eleviate some agression and frustration or maybe it's just sadness. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do.

I havent' been eating well, but in hindsight that is definitely a switch. Tonight is support group, and well to be honest no matter what happens I'm glad it is. These are the times when we aren't prepared for how we will handle the situation post WLS.

God bless you grandma, I love you!

Monday, June 23, 2008

It's going to be a great week

I have a short week this week, since I'm taking no formal vacation I've taken off a few Friday's for long summer weekends and this one is another!!

My sister's are on their way up today, I'm so happy. I haven't seen one since before my surgery! Yes, it's been a while

Had a great weekend and made alot of decisions about how I want my life to be, I'm very peaceful now and am enjoying what I can when I can. I am itching to start something new, something I've never done before, but first I have to decide what this is.....stay tuned...

Have a great week!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Another perfect ending

Had a great time last night, met some really cool new friends and even some of the friends of mine at the last minute decided to go out....of course the music was great thanks to the group and we all had a great night.

Today is cloudy and more humid, going to hang with the boy, who is downstairs waiting for me to watch a movie!!

Will try later to get in some sort of exercise, but right now I'm all about the relaxation.

Hope you all had a great one, it's almost time to make the donuts!

Saturday, June 21, 2008


Are full of fun, today I made Amish friend bread, it's the first time, in fact before my gf gave it to me I had never heard of it in my life. Learned something new.

Tonight I think I'm going to hang out with the friends. Although no one in the immediate group wants to go, the band will be there and someone will wander in the door and hang out with me. I just need a good night out, with some friends and music.

Cleaned a ton today and yesterday, worked out, Love the new balance ball still, I'm seeing definition in my legs and abs...yeah!!! I really wish I could afford the plastics or had the time to heal but alas it's not in my immediate future.

So the guy, the cutie K, he called yesterday, did I already write this? I forget, if not there it is, if so I'm still riding on that high. We'll see if he can follow through, but I won't hold my breath. If he doesn't it WILL certainly be his

Weight is back down the 10 I gained are gone, gone, gone!! yeah, now to stay away from the carbs. Oh didn't I just write I made bread today!! sheesh shooting myself inmy own foot.

Weather is perfect for an evening out....enjoy!


Friday, June 20, 2008

Where did this week go??

This week was busy and fun, I was able to squeeze in some fun even though I had to find it on my own as none of the friends wanted to hang this week. Last night I called a someone I know and asked if they'd meet me out, I know it was wrong but at least I was hanging with someone in the hopes of meeting someone else there that night. To my amazement the evening went perfectly and my little plan worked. I felt a little bad, but really I never said I was going to be more than just a platonic friend to this other guy. He got the wrong impression, but again this isn't the first time that this has happened. So anyhow, I hung, enjoyed some not so great music but got to hang out with my other guy. He called today and now I am debating on whether to call him back or just let him call again, of course he's not the best on follow through, but he did call today!! I feel so giddy, I knew it was so worth the chance last night when he walked in and I got those butterflies. You all remember what that is like!!

Anyhow my week was busy at work, and today was a mental health day, so I got some work done and took a nap and generally relaxed. It's been a great week and beautiful weather, my sisters are on their way up for the start of the wedding celebrations and I can't wait to seethem. My one sister hasn't been home since pre-wls so I'm very excited to see her and her me!!

Have a great one, I'll be back later with more!

Monday, June 16, 2008


Tonight my gf and I went to a memorial service and viewing for another's friends father. Now, granted I have not actually seen this gf in about 15 years (her choosing) but we've kept in sporatic touch. Her parents were the best thing for me when mine were going through their own separation and subsequent divorce. They were there unconditionally for me, to listen, learn, voice, and just plain old support me. Why wouldn't I go to the memorial service. So gf (MB) and I arrive at the service, other gf is there greeting people, she greets MB, her mother, two brothers and then I step forward. She has no idea whatsoever who I am. Am I astonished, saddened, shocked. I'd have to say yes to each of the above.

I sit down with gf (MB) and tell her, other gf, she doesn't remember me. Her mom chimes in, she probably just doesn't recognize you. Ok, well I am there for her father, so whatever. Anyhow, I then find out her mother is too ill to attend the service. She in fact is so sick they felt that it would potentially do more harm than good :( Her sister is also not there, which is ok. So the neighbors well they are all there, and there were actually a few that did remember me. Hmm very interesting.

So I felt a little left out, a little humbled and alot of sadness for a great man who was an inspiration to me. Married for 56 years, a lifetime in my eyes to the same woman, whom he loved, cherished and adored to his dying day. The joy and comraderie which is something that eludes my life. Someday I wish to have just a taste of what it is they shared.

God bless you Ed, may you be playing golf on the big course up in heaven.


Is all I can say about the weekend. It was great, no I mean really great. I won't bore you with all the details but I can say my life has such a better quality and well I have re-found a happiness in it that was dark for a bit. I didn't realize the lightbulb was growing dimmer and dimmer in my last relationship, but alas it was. This weekend started out on Thursday evening with good friends in a relaxed atmosphere and ended up with us all out sharing nacho's and drinks on the deck of an old hotel/bar in the next city over. The sun was shining and we were all having a great time and hanging on to every last great moment until we all had to come back to reality.

So Thursday night I reconnected with an old interest, he's great. Friday night we all hung out down in MD, had a slumber party over at Jenn's...yeah jennie for sharing your home with us and yeah Chuck for keeping me sane that night. Sat we got emails from a good friend who played an acoustic close to home, so we were off to the shore...and another slumber party. I'm still smiling. It was great. In the interest of those reading I'm just going to say it was supposed to be 5 of us Sat night and it turned into an intimate two, at the request of this special someone that I attend the evening out. Thanks!!

Sunday, we did a brunch and hung out....what a glorious weekend and with NO kids. Even the oldest went and spent time with his dad.

I truly love my friends!! Thank you for all cyber and in real life for being there for me no matter what!

Friday, June 13, 2008

I love my friends

To death, even though I totally haven't talked to them on a whole in months. They are all still there waiting for me with open arms and no worries about why I've been away so long. I need to find a way to balance my friends and the next man in my life. That is my new mission. They must be compatible it is a requirement.

Anyhow, last night was a great, casual night out with the friends. Saw my bestest friends belt out some great tunes, in a relaxed and casual atmosphere while I had a few cocktails with the near and dear. More friends showed up later in the evening so I got home rather late but all in all it was a great night. There is one particular person, who shall remain nameless at this point. I've met him before, he is really not in the circle of friends but knows the friends. He's sweet, he goes out of his way to talk with me, everytime I see him. He's cute and he's incredibly shy, but not around me. Last night he must have known (I'm going with the esp) that I needed to hear what a beautiful special person I am. He was gushing and I was there lapping it up, like a cat to milk. I felt like a princess and really nothing happened. I'm not going to jinx this, but he's really nice. Anyhow, my eye candy friend showed up also last night, late. He gives the most incredible hugs to all his friends, but last night he too was telling me he was so glad that I am his friend and that he is blessed in knowing me. They really just knew how to lift my spirits and make me feel like the person I know I am. So the doldrums and self loathing, pity I've been feeling for myself, it's gone. I'm back, to myself, my regular, happy person that I am.

Tonight, I'm going out, in fact the whole weekend is full of friends and more friends. I actually do not have any children responsibility at all. In fact I have my entire house to myself for the next two days and three nights. I don't know what I am going to do with myself, but i'm sure I'll figure it out right quick!! lol

So with this I bid you all a great weekend, I'm going to squeeze in some intense exercise in there too as I need to get back in the groove and get the beach body ready, I'm going to be getting there soon.......

Enjoy ciao

Thursday, June 12, 2008


The weather has broken and last night was unbelievable. I was out for my walk and well had every intention of coming home and getting the balance ball routine going, but nope. First a great friend who is in a bad relationship called, crying. Second, the stbxh came over to drop off the boy and well he picks a fight. Third, I am thinking the friend is calling me back so I answer, didn't look at the caller id, it's the ex bf, he's in a rage. WTF, is exactly the thought that ran through my head last night. What did I do to deserve this. The stars were not aligned in my world. So needless to say, I was distraught, but tried to not let it get to me, no balance ball, but the walk was done.

Today, it's a new day, starting a new life. Tonight we hang out with friends, good friends, non judgmental ones to hear some good acoustic and well just be us. I can't wait until tonight. So relaxing.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Exciting times

Yesterday I got to meet Lorraine Bracco...WOW she is a great person, genuine and warm. Our company is currently distributing her wines and she came here to kick it off. What a great person she is.....

Other than that last night he came down and got the rest of the stuff. I didn't let on how this has affected me, but the mild depression I suffer from is creeping in. I'm journaling like crazy trying to mainstream it elsewhere and not take over, I truly hate when it happens. I'm defenseless against it and it truly sucks! I'm a mess this morning, makeup cannot fix the damage that my face endured last night, I popped in a claritin for swelling, eye covers in the freezer for swelling and well I'm going to try and make myself presentable here in a few. I feel good, so don't worry about that. I'm alot stronger mentally than I give myself credit for, but damn it feels bad to be rejected in a way that I just spent the better part of my life trying to get away from.

Somedays being human sucks, especially when you are a caring person.

Today the heat wave is over, well it's still going to be hot, but the humidity they promise will be lower. My electric bill will be thanking me for this!! as will my hair.

Speaking of hair, my color is growing out, maybe it's time for something new. Something a little more funky than my normal funky. I don't know, got to find the cash for this funkiness and then we'll go from there.

I ate well yesterday, no carb munching in times of need. I did have 1/2 of a smores but all in all I ate really well. Tonight I exercise, it's been a few days, I love my new balance ball, I can actually feel the difference right after I do the routines. Awesome.....

Monday, June 09, 2008

What an interesting way to start the week

Ok I'm tired, boned dead tired. It's my own fault out on a sunday night. Then I get a call today, dinner meeting...ok so off I go, had a great seafood dinner (again) lobster, shrimp, clams, mussels, and scallops...oh good god where did I put all the food. Let's just say it's still digesting hours later.

Work was busy, but not crazy. The boss is really cracking down, which I think is about time and great news. Some of the slackers are nervous as they should be, but I go in each and every day and give it my 110%, I'm not worried but you never know what will happen.

So we have four days left this week, the ex bf is coming down tomorrow to pickup his last of his stuff....and give me mine that I left at his house. Should be interesting since he won't talk with me unless it's through text messaging. Whatever!! Some people just don't know when to grow up.

So I'm off, ds1 wants to watch a movie and well I haven't really seen him since Thursday..

ciao have a great evening....

Back to the work week

The date was fabulous....we went to Havre de Grace, had a nice quiet little dinner in a cozy little place near the water....walked along the water afterward....

The worst was the traffic home, a 40 min ride turned into 1 1/2 hours long, at 11pm!!

I'm sleepy

more later

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Sunday, sunday

It's another hot one here kids. The heat indices yesterday I believe had us around 105 today it's supposed to get to 110. How fun, 95 plus degrees and humidity....does a number on ones appearance for a date tonight.

Hmm you say, a date tonight, sure why not. It's a harmless dinner and drink....nothing gained nothing lost. Besides I've known this guy for a while, he's been asking me out regularly and well today I caved and said yes.

So I'm headed down my gf house so she can straighten my hair....hopefully it stays that way...and well hang out with the kidtill dinner. I did manage to wash the car and clean up the house somewhat today also, plus I got in a mile and 1/2 walk plus my ab workout on the balance ball and it's only 10 of 2, not to shabby for a Sunday.

Until tomorrow......

Saturday, June 07, 2008

It's over

He has packed and left. I am truly amazed that through the process, even though it was short, I was not sad at all. No tears shed, so that tells me in my heart that is was already over. Sad that it is. He was verbally very mean, I too shall overcome that, because I know deep down I am not a mean, cold person. Sometimes people are just too different. Their differences do not mesh therefore they do not belong together. That is why they call it dating. Funny thing he said on the way out "Never call me again" while the whole time we were seeing one another he was like "Even if it doesn't work out, we'll always be friends". How quickly a leopard changes his spots.

So now I'm off to another chapter in my life. Once again, I feel freer than before, it's all a learning process.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

tired again

I feel like I could sleep away the whole weekend again!

Doc visit went well, I'm maintaining which is great. We spoke in depth about my exercise and eating habits now, which the doc said would impact how I will do for the next six months before I go back. He said that the eating and exercise is the most important part of maintenance which i have to totally agree with him on. He also invited me to submit a before and after picture for their new exciting is that.

We put in the a/c's and not a minute too soon, we are headed for a heatwave. 90+ degrees for the next week!! yuck. On the worse note, the humidity is still really weighing heavily on my chest, another reason why I feel I could sleep the week away. Did I exercise tonight? Nope, too sleepy, I opted for a mini nap which was rudely interrupted.

The man and I have alot of talking to do, I requested that he leave his pup at home this weekend, he should be down Sat sometime. I think it's do or die time, because frankly I'm tired of the turmoil. Another cold day for us today :(

On a bright note, I feel good....that's my bright note for is good!

But I don't feel so good.

Back on the mend

From being so sick. The heat and humidity are coming and the humidity is keeping pressing down on my chest light weights but I'm surviving. Going to keep breaking this mess up so it doesn't come back and turn into something worse.

Having total personal issues. Somedays I think I am just not ready for a relationship, is this wrong or right I don't know but it's how I feel. I don't feel lonely or sad just lost in a big, big world out there. Trying to find out who I am and where do I fit in all of this mess.

Personal, professionally life is in turmoil. I've been utilizing most of my energies to my job and my kids so it really has left little time for the relationship. Maybe I'm just not ready. A gf at work commented yesterday after a phone call, who were you talking with. I asked why and she said it sounded like the stbxh but it was actually the bf I was speaking with. Scary to see that it has gotten to that point, I guess in a way I know the answer now to trudge through and do something about it.

Weight is up, I am not happy. I have a new exercise regimine. I bought a balance ball, bands and mat. I love it. I feel my muscles tightening with each move I make. I feel my strength gaining. IT's just that good.

Today is my 18 month check up. Anxious to see my labs based on how I have been feeling. Well I guess if I get ready I'll know sooner than later.

Until later.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Good lord where do I start

Ok, my son graduated from high school. We had a big bbq on memorial day weekend to celebrate.

I was sick from that Sunday night of Memorial day weekend through today, sinus infection - green ooze really bad get the picture

I finally got my bloodwork done for my 18 month appt this Thursday - and no I can't believe it's been 18 months either

I hooked up with an old friend last Thursday night - yes I went out when I wasn't feeling well and did myself no good

Slept all weekend away - in fact i was supposed to work theDover Nascar race for work and totally bagged on that - I believe i was up for like 8 hours the whole weekend

My son graduated 22 in his class of 371 - yes I'm bragging and being the proud mama

Summer has come on with a vengeance

Mike and I - well we've had our differences lately

My son's bff was the co-validitorian of his class

tomorrow is ds2 last day of school for the summer vacation - I still can't believe it

I've been so tired I haven't turned on the computer since I last there is too much to catch up on....

For now, I will remain a hopeless/hopeful blogger and until I return......well