Thursday, November 29, 2007

It's almost the weekend

I'm not even going to post this with the other mesasge, that was just to get it off my chest. Done, finito.

I'm very excited for this weekend, first of all I get to see my honey again. It's been since Sunday, and yes we talk quite a few times a day but still I haven't seen him. Tomorrow night we are going to Longwood Gardens. It is a beautiful 1050 acre place that one of the Duponts had as ahome and kept it as an agricultural keepsake for time. They decorate the house and grounds for the holidays, there are indoor and outdoor displays and of course now is decorated for lights. I can't wait to go and see the beauty of it all. Then Sat is errand day and relaxing, we are going to kick back and watch some movies and just hang. Sat night is up in the air as they are talking 'winter storm'...yikes I am so not ready for snow's too soon. Anyhow tonight is football and then Sunday again. What a great kid free weekend it will be. I need a little downtime from my children, whom I dearly love, but I need to be kidfree and just enjoy Michelle for a change.

We did get the Christmas tree up on Tuesday night, it came out just beautifully and we all enjoyed the evening together as a family. I'm slowly getting into the spirit of the season which seems to take longer and longer to come, but it is one holiday that I truly love and cherish. I think mostly work being so busy makes it harder on me. I have not one gift purchased but at least the ideas are starting to form as to what to get these kids. I do have to figure ot what to get the guy, that could be more of a challenge right now.

I've been stabalizing in my weight, finally!! I was really worried there for a bit, but I think the combined stress and everything going on was taking it's toll on me, time to put Michelle back up there front and center. I've dove back into exercise, which was lacking for a better term the past week and eating is being more monitored. No more sour stomach and such. I just felt blah. No more, the last two days of healthy eating has definitely done wonders for me and my outlook on things.

DS2 is getting contacts tonight, he is so excited. I think he's a little apprehensive but it will be ok. I know it's a total vanity thing for him....but he is a teenager now!!

I'll leave you with this:

"The walk is never supposed to be easy; because God wants to test you. If you want to be successful, you've got to walk through fire." Reggie White

STBXH has jumped over the edge

Last night was the cum laude of the performance he's been giving us all week, he pushed his way in the door while dropping off ds2, he proceeds to berate me and be beligerant, oh the names and things he called me, all the while ds2 is within earshot of this. I asked him three times to leave, he won't so I called. Yep 911, you are so out of here I don't need this from you anymore, well right before the locals came, he was outta there. They took the report and left. I talked to ds2 well not only did he hear what his father said and how he said it but he also had an earful over at his house, my poor little boy, his father is completely flipped his lid in my opinion. He was tearful and very, very sorry for telling his father things, which totally got flipped around and out of control. He saw his father for the first time wearing his true stripes and the way he is towards me last night. Something I never wanted him to see but it's done, the damage is there and we are moving on. DS2 and I had a long, long talk last night, he is a little boy and this is just no necessary but it has happened. So we've turned the point, rounded the bend or whatever you want to say, ds2 has changed his attitude and tune at home, I'm so grateful although the expense on which this has happened is anything but pleasant.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

DS2 in crisis?

My youngest son is in crisis. Everytime he speaks to his father he completely falls apart, which I totally understand but my heart goes out to him to help him through this period in his life. He is angry with me, he wants to live with his father, he idolizes his father (who can do no wrong in his eyes) he doesn't want to live in the house, with me, with anyone, he has a bad temperment and attitude. He is sassy, beligerant and downright disrespectful to me and everyone around him. He is in need of therapy I know, I have a call into the doc's office to get this started asap. I just want to know how to fix my little boy who is struggling. It makes me sad but he wants his father back and I can't go there. He thinks he is the man of the house now and can make all of our decisions for life for us, UM no you aren't, you are 13 and need to deal with your problems and let us worry about the rest for now. I know he's feeling the strain and disappointment that his father and I are not getting back together but from what I am hearing I am the only one he lashes out at, his father says he's perfectly fine there with him. As much as I hated to offer this option I asked if maybe he live with him for a while and adjust, come visit me and let things cool down, his father downright refused. I'm tired, stressed and well just about at my wits end also. I know this too shall pass, but at what price to me, my other kid and well our family dynamic. Things have changed I try to explain this to him, but WOW what a drama king he is being!! Sorry for the rant today guys, usually I'm so upbeat but I'm tired, downright drained and well I need to get this off my chest now!

Monday, November 26, 2007

The up's and down's of blended families

My family for the most part is totally dysfunctional now. My eldest son has my parents (who are divorced) his father's parents (who are also divorced) me and his father (who are divorced) and my youngest is journeying down that same path right now. It's overload when you are trying to celebrate holidays with your family. There is no real sense of the "old-fashioned" family at all, it's really sad at the end of the day when I think about it, but it's the reality of the situation. We celebrated our dysfunctional Thanksgiving on Sat, with my and my children, my gf and her son, my son's gf and my new man. Let's just say it was a big blend of alot of things but wow at the end of the day, it's exhausting.

Me and the man went to the Va vs Penn game Friday night, what a great game, although VA blew Penn It was a late night as the first game didn't get done until almost 45 min late and we left with 5 min on the clock at 12 midnight. I was exhausted to say the least. Sat a.m. up early to pickup ds2 and get him bowling at 9am sharp, back home to get the big bird in the oven and back to bowling to pick him up. Then my man came down and off shopping for xmas gifts we went, back home around 3pm to check the big bird who was cooking superbly in the oven and I crashed hard at that point. Dinner around 6pm and again I crashed out for the night at 9pm. Off the next am with his daughter to do giftwrapping at the mall I felt like crap Sunday and really just wanted to lay in bed and die. I'm not sure what that was all about, but the whole day was feeling up and down, shaky and just plain old blah. We watched the Cleveland game and I dashed off to home to spend the rest of the evening with the kids, one of whom was not home yet. STBXH made a royal pia of himself all day yesterday, calling like a million times, I swear he knows when I'm with the new man and just does it to be a pest. New man is very unhappy with the whole situation and I don't blame him one bit. Of course you can't reason this with stbhx as it's his way or no way at all.....

Today, back at work...eagles played a great game and actually showed some real football team potential last night against new england, too bad that didn't come earlier in the season.

Got a little bit of decorations up and my weight is down again :( I swear I ate and ate and ate, but I think the stress of the whole situation and everything going on is just driving me nutso. I just wish the scale would cooperate with the eating habits. I've been told now I look sickly, too thin, I don't know, I feel good but....I just feel something is wrong.

So on that note, I'm going to get some work done, I'm really happy in my life and with my life and am so excited for Christmas this year (which I wasn't 2 months ago)

Friday, November 23, 2007

We survived

Thanksgiving, it was great to see the friends and family. What a difference in my life all these people have been this past year, rooting for me and well just being there for me. Wed night stbxh was up his tricks, but it didn't curtail me into having a bad night, we had a great date. Went to see an indie movie in Philly, dinner and a drink on South Street. Then back to his house and watched a movie while I waited for the partiers to clear the roads so I could head home. I really didn't want to be driving while they were out there since it's such a big party night here at least. Overall the evening was great, I love to spend time with my new man and he brings such happiness and joy to my life. He went out shopping this a.m. and called me at 4:45 to tell me all about his great buys, I had to laugh as I was snuggled warmly in my bed. Of course the reason being is we work today :(

DS1 and his gf went shopping today too, starting with the midnight They strolled in around 7am and proceeded to go to the couches and get in some sleep.

So work is quiet today, hopefully I'll get alot done, but it's what it is...have a great Black Friday and if you are shopping be safe.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The day before

Here we are the day before the big holiday, the busiest travel day of the year as millions of people are flying, driving or taking whatever means to get home and spend some quality time with family and friends. It is the unofficial beginning of the craziest time in the year, of course I love this time of year!! I absolutely love Christmas. Last year I was recovering and I got the house decorated over a period of time although I felt like it would never get done. This year, well a few months back I was considering not even decorating for Christmas and give in to the bah humbug about the whole thing, but something has changed, a monumental thing has happened in my life and it has changed my whole outlook on things. Here is a great example: The past 4-5 days have been rainy, cold and down right nasty. Under these conditions I would normally be grumpy, grouchy and downright mad at the weather for being so crappy, well it didn't even bother me. I truly didn't care!! WOW is all I can say. Today the sun is shining and it's warm, going to be a great day and an even better night. M is taking me to Philly for dinner and some sightseeing on South Street...from the infamous song. It should be brimming with people out and about and enjoying the unseasonably warm evening and I will be spending it with a man I truly adore right now. How can life be more perfect? It can't...I'm so blessed to have him in my life and truly am in awe how much he adores me! I have never felt like I do and I am enjoying this ride every minute.

I sat down with ds2 and told him I was seeing someone last night, it went over alot better than I thought it would and he asked alot of great questions about M and I told him, he's great. He doesn't quite know yet that he's meeting him Sat night, but I will let him know before the time comes.

Tomorrow is the most thankful day of the year, or so the pilgrims taught us that right?? LOL I am truly blessed and thankful for so much this year that my cup brimmeth over..ok I'm getting sappy.

So everyone enjoy your family, friends, some football (if that's your thing) and great food. If you are cooking, relax and enjoy yourself. I have cooked for so long that this year is a special treat that I am not. I will enjoy seeing my friends and family I haven't seen in a while, all the while missing those that cannot be with us this year.

Then after all the turkey is cleaned up and the dessert is settling in, it will become the craziest time of year, black Friday!!


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

One year Surgiversary

Today is the day, at this time one year ago I was being wheeled into the OR and the beginning of my new life was right around the corner. It has been a year filled with ups and downs and good and bad and a lot of new and exciting things are happening. In one year I've gone from 256.5 to 137.5 for a total loss of 119lb. That is a teenage girl for goodness sake. I stand at 5'5" so for me I'm in the normal height/weight range. I know sometimes when I read other's blogs I wonder how tall they are for their weight, as everyone always looks so fabulous. I have a hard time sometimes realizing it's been a year. The trials and tribulations that make life work are amazing, and for me it's a new life, from top to bottom. Soon to be xh and I seem to be working through things well, I have a new man in my life, whom I'm simply head over heels with right now (and I hope this doesn't change), my children are wonderful and I have alot to be thankful for. It's a time for me to reflect on the last year and to see just how far I've come. I feel like a Virginia Slims I will get to enjoy a healthy thanksgiving with my family (well the part that is up here) and am very thankful for the opportunties that I have been given as well as those I have taken.

In reflection I have learned alot about myself, who I truly am or could say truly was hiding under the "fat suit". I have come to love myself for who I am and what I am and are becoming. I know that I am a good person, a kind person and very loving. I also know that my worth and self dignity have been restored to a higher level than I have ever had in my entire life. I am loved by myself and others. It has been a challenge per se to see some of these qualities in myself as I have seemingly "existed" prior to surgery. I still have issues with my body, but they lie in the fact that in losing the weight I have pockets of skin that are left over. I am happy though with myself and how I look and who I am. I think for the first time in my life I can actually say with overall confidence that I have turned into the person inside and outside that I always knew I was. My blog started out with a blurb to say I wanted WLS to turn into this person and that was a personal goal of mine. I'm happy to say I've accomplished this goal.

The next year will still be full of new and exciting challenges. I know now that I'm almost out of the window of weight loss. Although right this minute I am still losing, I know this time period is quickly drawing to a close. I now need to implement all these wonderful things I've learned to be the success I know I can be. Personally, professionally and mentally there are still alot of challenges that I know I have to endure this coming year. I feel that I have become a better prepared person not to run to the bag of chips or 1/2 gallon of ice cream when the chips are down, but I have learned there are new and more positive ways to channel this bad energy. It will be a year of growth and hopefully the beginning of something new and wonderful for me. So in addition to looking forward to year two of post op life, I am also looking forward to the new year 2008, it will be full of surprises and good things.

Monday, November 19, 2007

The weekend

Was a whirlwind of activities. Friday night was the sports banquet, it was really a nice affair they pulled together. The dinner was made by the culinary arts students, it was very delicious and I actually enjoyed their selections, very post WLS surgery friendly!! Then on to the actual awards ceremony. Overall it was very nice, they did the all conference and higher type awards for all fall sports first then broke it down by sport, ds1 did receive the coachs award trophy for the year along with a nice team photo with the school, class of 2008 and his name from the coach. Overall it was an enjoyable event. Afterward we met some friends and checked out the new singer Megan in Jason's band. She was awesome and a truly nice girl. Young but nice, and of course they will draw the guys as she is cute as a button!!

Saturday morning was moving day, we were up bright and early and got everything done. Of course it was overcast, breezy and downright chilly but nice, I spent about 3-4 hours that afternoon with my mom and then got ready for my date. I was so happy to see him, and we had a really great time. I got to meet his sister, brother and father, and that was really nice. Yesterday was a day of rest, Eagles and wash. Of course I squeezed in some grocery shopping too :) LOL I had alot to do and got it all done.

So we are back at work, I feel like being home as it is still rainy and chilly out there, but there is alot to do. This Sat we are having our own Thanksgiving with my new dysfunctional family!! lol I will be going to my father's on Thursday to celebrate with them and his gf's families. Overall it's another busy week.

Oh and tomorrow is my one year surgiversary!!

Oh and did I tell you we have 36 shopping days till Christmas?? LOL Just thought I'd throw that in there for good measure.

Friday, November 16, 2007

It's Friday

and I'm so happy. We are heading out to the sports banquet tonight, big awards are coming I can feel it!! Then my gf and I are heading out to see our friend Jason and the new singer in his band!! Some of our other friends are heading out tonight also, it's been a while since I've seen them, so I'm very excited about that!

Tomorrow is moving day, we are up bright and early and have to get this done fast, as I have to get a nap and then my new guy and me are going to a party tomorrow night. I'm driving up there early for a little one on one time first! :) I can't wait to see him. We talk everyday, actually quite a few times a day and I'm on cloud 9!

Sunday will be a day of cleaning and fixing up stuff, her bed is getting delivered and it will get somewhat sorted out....

So I have a busy, busy weekend...and no kids!! :)

Enjoy everyone

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Almost the end of the week

It's almost the end of the week and I haven't had alot of time to blog. Life has been settling down into a routine, which is very refreshing considering what we had been dealing with. Soon to be xh is picking up ds2 on Monday/Wed evenings and every other weekend so far. Which is good. He seems to be adjusting the fact that his father is no longer in the picture so I'm happy with that. I know it has to be very hard on him, but I also know that this is the best thing for everyone involved. So this weekend is moving weekend for my gf, she is moving in with us for a while to alleviate the expenses, I'm not 10000% crazy about it, but for now, it will do. I'm not sure what I am going to do with the house yet, the market isn't quite right for a sell, but it's too big for me and the boys alone so we'll see. Plus with the holidays coming it's definitely not the right time to make any major decisions along that lines, so we will have a roommate for a bit and see how that goes.

Friends of mine their band has a new singer, she is debuting tomorrow night here so I think I may go check her out for a while and see the guys, it's been a while since they have been around here, so it will be a short night, but nice. We have ds1 sports banquet first so I will be there with my son, the proud mama!! A year ago at this time, I was getting ready to start my pre-op diet, which involved the Sat and Sunday of clear liquid diet, which ironically started the day after the sports banquet last year. The changes I have encountered on this journey have been amazing, overly amazing....I'm so glad that I did this surgery and would do it again in a heartbeat, if I had to. I'm healthy, very happy with who I am right now and how my life is going. It's been such a positive experience for me and everyone in life. I just can't speak enough about this!!

I have another date Sat night with my new guy. I can't wait to see him, we talk everyday a couple of times and really are getting to know one another. The boys are away this weekend, I may be going to the Eagles game on is good...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The date

was great, we hit it off so well, it was scary. He was the perfect gentleman, and here I thought all that was gone forever....let's hope he stays this way!! We had a great dinner and conversation, prolonged it as long as we could as neither of us wanted to leave, but when it was over I called and left a message that I had a great time and can't wait to see him again. I think he feels the same way. We still talk daily and I am looking forward to Sat night. :)

Monday, November 12, 2007

The weekend

The best laid plans never work out sometimes do they!! I had every intention of having a perfect laid back weekend and was doing great until Sunday!!

Friday night was spent cleaning, oh you say how fun is that to be cleaning on a Friday night, well I had alot to deal with in my mind and cleaning was a cleansing experience, gave me time to sort through my life and clean up the house at the same time. Saturday morning was great, although cold and windy, the last game was a blast....but of course I was already in and let you all know this!! lol Saturday night me and my gf hung out while ds2 had a friend stay over. All in all a good weekend so far, right? Wrong, Sunday I woke up with a migraine....OMG I haven't had one in a million years, but I think the stress and strain of what has been going on in my life had come to a head and this is what it did. So most of Sunday was headache, I went to sleep with it and woke up again today with sux!! I'm starting to feel some relief but it has come with a price, again I'm down, 5 more lbs. I am really starting to worry that this isn't healthy so I've called the doctor today, even though I'm scheduled in next month, because since Oct 1 I've lost 25 lb, which anyone would say great, but I dont' think I should be losing that much in like 40 days. I'm waiting for the call back now.

So on a sad note I called and cancelled my date for last night, I just couldnt' go through with it feeling the way I did, on a brighter note, today is a new day and we are going out tonight!! I'm excited and glad that he didn't think I was just blowing him off....

Soon to be xh update, he's acting like an idiot again, it never ends, running cold and hot on me, I guess it explains part of the stress related migraine I'm dealing with. I've told him again there is no way we are getting back together, enjoy your new girlfriend it was what you chose!

Thanksgiving is about 2 weeks away, things are heating up at work, busy, busy, busy....not like I didn't expect that, but it always gets so crazy, anyhow...I'm rambling's cold and damp today so I'm going to find some soup a blanket and relax until later!!

Happy Veteran's Day

I have lost alot of people in my family to war. It's a bittersweet memory for me as a child attending my second cousins viewing, funeral and after party at his mother's house only to have the Air Force designated people come knocking on the door half way through the party to tell her the news that her husband was shot down and killed over Vietnam just as her son was a week and a half prior. So much loss and death many, many families have had to endure for our nation to be free. We are truly the home of the free and the land of the brave.

So a special mention today to those who have lost or have friends, family or loved ones fighting in a current or past war.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The big game

It was an exciting although freezing day out there today for the Senior Game. We won an astounding 54-30 and a great time was had by all. We showed the sports forecasters and all who predicted we would lose 21-15, this day will live for a while in the high school records as the team who finally got the school out of the slump. We didn't finish with an astounding record but were 5-5 on the season, but in the last 22 years this hasn't been done!! What a great time was had by all. Pre-game festivities included a walk with a parent or guardian and a rose for all the moms, I've posted a picture of me and my son, I'm a proud mom today!!

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Friday, November 09, 2007

Another weekend

and I am ready for some real R&R this weekend. I have my boys so that should be a good time alone! Tonight ds2 has a friend coming to stay over, they should have a blast and it will give me some time to get some cleaning done and other things. I have a date on Sunday with my new man. I can't wait to see him again!! I really like him and although it's so soon, he makes me happy, so as my friends say go for it. Tomorrow we have Senior Day at football, it's the last game and they have done so well this year. My ds1 was accepted in NHS for the fifth straight year, he received a special commondation for being in the NHS since 8th grade!! Yeah for him.

Other than that, it's just relaxing and hanging out with the gang, should be a good weekend although it feels like winter here!!

Enjoy everyone! I will less scarce now that things are settling some. I'm less than 2 weeks from my first year surgiversary and I'm very excited to be sharing this with all of you!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Life overload

There have so many times that I have wanted my kids to do things but then it becomes life overload. Last night was one of those nights, of course the extra things that have happened it what made me "tilt" but not all of it is bad.

The car broke last night, thank god ds1 has a car I can utilize for work while mine is getting fixed!! Soon to be xh is having a hard time with his new 'gf' and wants to come home, um NO! It's not my fault you ran and jumped in with two feet with her. I met someone new, it's very new but exciting..the kind of exciting you get when you actually meet a potential new mate. Hey slow down yousay, well I've been thinking the same thing myself. Timing stinks but truly I'm going to let this one ride and see where it goes. I don't want to look back and say I wonder what could have happened. Nice and slow and bear with me. I've been brutally honest about myself, what I have done and where I am in my life and he still wants to talk with me...I'm amazed but the smile on my face speaks a million for now I'm happy. The one boy is finishing up football this weekend, it's senior day so the pomp and circumstance will be not. But it's a big thing for my little boy who is quickly becoming a nice young man.

So life is overwhelming, I'm sure it will settle down eventually as we get in our new routine. It's all good and I'm very happy. Weight is maintaining for now, which is a good thing, I think it was dropping pretty quickly to quickly in fact. Exercise is good, not enough cardio right now, but still moving along. I've changed up my weights routine again, and I think these new things are working as I am starting to see new definition in some of the flab that is hanging around. I'm going to keep plugging and see what happens. I'm less than two weeks to my first year surgiversary and very excited by what has happened and what will continue to evolve....what a great year this has been.

Monday, November 05, 2007

OMG I'm gonna throw the phone in the trash

He has called a million times, I want to come home,'s over...please let it be what it is. I know this is hard but it has to be this way.

Here we go

he is moved. It took two days as he left all his hanging clothes and jackets at the house on Friday. Saturday when he came to pickup ds2 for the night he took the balance of the stuff. It's crazy how can you leave and forget your clothes??

Anyhow, my girlfriends tried to keep me on overload with business this weekend. It was very sweet but I was bushed yesterday.....Friday night was the game, we lost and it was a horrible loss, but fun out there in the brisk cool weather. Afterwards me and a girlfriend went and had a drink and listened to some old friends and their band. It was nice...Sat we got some of my other gf stuff out of storage and went down to MD to the park for the day, we watched the most amazing sunset over the water at Turkey Point, that was probably my favorite part of the whole weekend. Then off to grab a bite to eat and out to see her bf's band play. I met a really nice guy, we'll Sunday was up too early again and rearranging furniture and overall cleaning. It was very cleansing to get some things done at home, along with wash and grocery shopping. Last night me and an old friend went up and watched the eagles get destroyed by

Today, foolishly I'm back at it, should have taken the day off!! But there is alot to do, so.

It's hasn't hit me quite yet, but I'm sure it will and get weird with soon to be xh out of the house...time will tell

Friday, November 02, 2007

Moving day....

today is that day. After a VERY long night last night today is finally here. I think it will help start healing for both of us..alot of hateful, mean things were said and done last night which I'm sure we are both sorry for but that is how it is right now. I know that deep down we both respect and care for each other but just can't do this anymore to either of us. The healing will now begin, it will be a long process I think (or at least I would hope) but you never know.

Tonight after work (which I am leaving here soon) is tire for ds1 car and then get ready for the game, down there at 7pm...should be a doozy. A good game is waiting to be played tonight and the weather will be perfect for football, chilly, crisp and finally fall like. Friday night lights and it's our last night game. I am praying for a win for our boys!!

Tomorrow is a sleeping in day!! yeah for once in a while I get to sleep if I want to but we all knows that means i'll be up bright and After that is alot of cleaning and rearranging. I have the whole day planned out then out with the girls later that night, for some R&R

Sunday will be the same, get everything done before the game, Eagles vs Dallas....then we are back at it...

busy weekend but it should be a good one....

Enjoy all

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Stupid things that make you mad

I found out in a not so nice way that my soon to be xh has a new gf. In fact that is where he is now. I don't care the fact that there is a new lady friend, in fact I urged him to do it, but the lying and deceiving instead of being honest there was uncalled for. He took ds2 trick or treating last night and evidently lied to him also, when the lady friend and her daughter joined them, he led him to believe it was a friend of the other people they were I feel like the whole thing was a shamble from the get go, to so easily lie to your spouse, I wonder how far back this has gone?? It's just another reason why he is the stbxh!!!