Been MIA

The darn internet was down here, who the heck knows why but I'm back...of course I have the ick that everyone else has been dealing with so most of the day has been spent on the couch.....

I miss this::

and of course the great guy who I spent alot of my vacation with, but the good news, he's flying up to see me next weekend...yeah!!! Now back to my regularly scheduled program today, the couch!!

Ciao

Getting back to routines

Is hum drum and boring I am finding. I am anxiously awaiting the start of spring, I am done with the cold, gray weather. This winter hasn't shown us tons of snow, sleet or ice, but it's been gray and that in itself does not go well for me. I miss the sun and well after a whole week of sun and warmer weather I guess it's hitting me harder than I thought it would. I love that at 6pm it's still light out, that is beautiful, sun in the morning and at night. In a few short months it will be warmer but until then we are stuck in wind chills and gray days.

I have gotten in some yoga, it really does help soothe me and gives me a bit of a pause and renergizes my day. I did it every morning on the ship and well I came home and stopped! Why would I do that when it is such a refreshing piece of my day? Who knows....but I'm back and well I feel good this a.m.

The boys are good, I hardly ever talk about them anymore but there really isn't much to say, they are plugging away in life. Last night my youngest said he likes R and is very happy I have met him. I'm happy he feels this way as he is my toughest critic...lol

Well off to find some coffee and makeup and get this day rolling!

First full day back at work

Spent the weekend with my guy, I probably neglected that this a.m. as I was VERY sleepy. Saturday he came and tried to get the darn truck working, about 350 bucks later and it still sits out front, dead! But the plus side is I got to spend the time with him, he took my son to the game store to buy a game, they had a ball from what I heard. Then we dropped him off at a friends as he made plans to spend the night, off to his house for a little adult time. lol I love spending time with him, he is very good to me and makes me smile and laugh....of course I've been here before but we'll see....



And yes I did spend the night with him, at last. He claims he spent alot of the night watching me sleep. How sweet, he lent me his truck on Sunday while he was in a tournament so I could errands done, it's really good right now....



First full day of the first full week of work, long day, need I say more.....it's cold, I hate it and I miss the warmer weather I teased myself with.....of course my friend in Tx still wants to come up, I'm confused, who wouldn't be...I just wonder where I should go and what I should do, but time will figure it out, until he really comes up with a plan I'm just winging it, I told him about the guy up here and it didn't seem to deter him so.



My boring old plain life is nothing of the sort, or so it seems.....so maybe stealing a little from my blogger friend Sharon, maybe my blog should be called My So Called Life, because it's a daily occurance that it changes....hmmm anyhow I like the mediocre, humdrum but seem to live a more exciting life, as my coworkers live vicariously through me or so they say......

I guess if I were them I would to. Who knows, tomorrow, I wake and we start it all over again....and see what happens.

And for those who care or what to know....today's weight - 136lb....so yes I have gained two pounds this weekend! ha

Full week

I have a full week of work this week. I have to figure out how to get my truck to the shop without costing me an arm and a leg as it is still not running and it's the last week of Feb which means spring should (and I say this loosely) should be right around the corner.

Vacations are fun, but I'm beat from trying to catch up here at home. I did however take lots of time out for fun this weekend, so things that aren't done are no one's fault but my own..lol

Saw the old neighbor, R this weekend, it was nice and we had a blast. He lent me his car yesterday so I could get lots of errands done while he was busy. That was very nice and sweet of him and he doesn't realize how much I appreciate it.

So back to the grind, work is exciting this week in anticipation of the changes that are coming, for me it's all good stuff.....

End of the weekend

So it wasn't so sunny and warm here...but it's good, I'm home, things are returning to normal, or whatever I consider normal at this point. My friend from TX has called a few times this weekend, it was nice to talk with him and yes I'm really wondering where all of this is leading to at this point. I saw my other guy, the old neighbor too, it was great seeing him, but there was something, that little bit of something that makes me wonder if he is right. I don't know, it seems all the more confusing right now more than anything else. Don't get me wrong I enjoy time with the old neighbor, but the BUT is there, so if I listen to that that usally means it's a no go...of course TX is so far away but a huge distraction in my life right now... To say I'm confused is an understatement...so with all this blunder and confusion I wish you all a good night. I just don't understand why I dont' have the cut and dry life as everyone else......

I will wonder................

WOW

again today I'm posting. Ok deep breath and here I go......

So I ended up hanging out with this guy from TX on the trip. My gf totally dissed me and his friend did the same, so we ended up together, was it fate or just luck of the draw because of the circumstances. Who knows, who really cares, I mean seriously. So anyhow, we've kept in touch, exchanged pictures and a few emails. Well today he told me he wants to visit me here in DE. All the way from TX... how do I feel. I have no friggin clue!! I mean we had a great time together, but it was vacation, I never thought in a million years anything would ever come of it, or that he would really ever want to see me again. So a few weeks from now, he will be landing in Philly...yikes. Do I really feel that way, well honestly deep down, I'm happy. I had a good time hanging with him and the others and we were together alot, even alone. So I guess I'm happy but.....still TX vs DE wow....lots to think about here........

Just another chapter in my crazy life, called me!!!

Detox

Ok, so day 3 home and I'm detoxing big time. The vacation, as you all have read or saw was a success, a wonderful time, but man I guess I drank big time!! It's amazing that my weight even stayed the same. One week ago right now, I was sitting on the deck, watching the sun go down, as I did every night. Getting ready for our late dinner and having a wonderful time wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt! Ok, reality, it's 20, wind chill some god awful 10 or something like that....ho hum, I'm home.

I have heard from my friend on board, the guy from TX, he was such a sweetie on the trip, it's so nice to meet someone who wasn't just out for a good time (if you know what I mean) anyhow he wants to come and visit me, here in DE...WOW is all I can say and I'm really excited about this, we had such a great time together and we'll get to do it up here soon. Tomorrow I have a date with my old neighbor, yes I think I have talked about him. Talk about living the life of a 20 something..lol We are going to see my favorite bassist in his new band tomorrow night and I am very EXCITED for this as I haven't been able to see him in a long time due to the people he was previously associated with!! So a big weekend for me. Somewhere in there I need to catch up on the wash, cleaning and at some point go grocery shopping too! lol I guess my priorities have shifted terribly in the last year.

Speaking of the last year, I had my horoscope read to me by a co-worker today, it basically stated that in the past year so many things have changed and all for the good, this year, 2009 will hold new and exciting things and well so far it has. So how suprised I was to read that!

So it's Friday night, back in the cold, but spring is right around the corner, back to the normal life but I am planning another adventure for this summer!! More to come in the future on that when the plans are firmed up....life is a challenge but such a fun one for me right now!!

The trip

I have no idea where to even begin, so I'm just going to say I had a wonderful time, met an amazing group of people on the boat and will never forget this trip, ever. I got to see this view every morning....

and this one every night....it was so peaceful and such a far reach from the hustle and bustle of my normal, everyday life. I felt so calm and energized on this ride....

This is a view, 146 steps up from the most southern point in Cozumel atop the lighthouse. The scenery no matter which way your turned took your breathe away. Here are a few more...

Everyday was sunny and warm, the skinny girl who hid behind a sea of cloth for years, broke out this year and wore a swimsuit, not just any swimsuit, but a tankini (it's no bikini) but in my book close enough, I wore my formal dress the one with the black lace, I had so many offers of dances that night it took my breathe away. I laughed, swam, climbed, swam some more, had a few drinks, well maybe more than just a few, I danced and danced the nights away and enjoyed myself as I haven't in years. I felt all the tension and pressures slip away. The thing I think though that I brought home with me is the fact that I can go away on a vacation full of buffet foods and come home the same weight I left at. It simply amazed me because before I would have easily gained 10lb. I made great choices while eating, exercised with the yoga instructor every morning atop the ship at sunrise and had fun...

I am home now two full days and am still smiling!!!

I'm home

It's cold, rainy and I have tons of wash, pics and things to share......

It was the best vacation ever!!! Oh and I gained nothing! actually lost 1 lb...

I will be back soon with all to share...

Just a quick tidbit, the dress for formal night was a hit....A BIG ONE at that....I had quite a few dance proposals that night!!

Back later with more.....

the last hurrah

So this is the last blog you will see from me for like over a week. I'm almost packed and ready to go.. I'm so excited......life as I know it will change with this trip. More than anyone can fathom, even me. I am going to have fun, enjoy, drink, eat and be merry...



Now that is no way for a WLS patient to act!!!!!!!

LOL

Have fun I will miss you all hopefully catch up soon

P.S. leaving you all here ....today's weight 134

I'm running out of time

but we are both almost ready. A few more loads of laundry to get done and some meals to prepare for the oldest while he's home....

I'm ready and the next two days will be the longest ....lol

WLS tv

Ok the new widget...is it cool or not...jury out, but I'm for anything to do with this.....I'm a survivor, someone who tries each and everyday to make the tool work to the highest efficiency that I was given...sure I have my moments the nice glass of wine or the oh so bad for you snack...but overall 2+ years out and I'm at goal and then some and maintaining just beautifully...if only everyone got that ....sigh

so what do you all think of WLS tv....would you be a guest???

At the request....

Of Miss Janine down under..a little catchup post so you don't have to sift through mountains of blog entries along the way....

I started my WLS pursuit way back in 03...but was sidelined by having to get a partial knee...current weight at that time was around 260.....

Fast forward, 03 got the partial knee post op of that I ballooned up to almost 295.....yikes...I was scared but needed the full year of therapy to fully recover properly from this surgery. So now into 04...I'm sick, alot....High blood pressure, reflux out of this world, pre-diabetic. I am sitting between 280 and 290 at any given day. Have a hard time walking up and down stairs...yikes!!! It winds me just to go up once. I am really starting to hate my life and how it's become but I am not doing anything about it. 06 I finally cave that summer, call the doc again and get my pre-op appt...that day in August I walk into his office the scale registered 275, ok, that is after a full year of Weight Watchers, and my own creative or not so creative diets...I'm sad, depressed and feeling overall that I have lost total control of my life. The doc and I sit down and discuss the options. Of course intially I go in with the feeling I want a lap band...I'm scared and although I have done years and years of research I'm still not 100%...we talked in depth about all of the options....and after our talk I went home and called the next day and decided RNY was for me. The best solution for my obesity and the one I would be the most comfortable working with long term. So we schedule the millions of appointments...he says no more than 10 lb weight gain or the whole deal is off.....That to me was the most intense. I made an appt with my private practice doc also...I have been with him forever and needed and wanted his approval....it was more important long term than the faith and love from my family because he would be the one I turn to for issues and help me through this in the long term!! My wait period was a whirlwind (not so much anymore though from the things insurance require) so from my first meeting in August 06 and the appt, I had my surgery scheduled for the morning of November 20, 2006. The day of my rebirth....from there it has been a whirlwind. We had our thanksgiving as a family early that year as it fell after surgery and I would be totally liquid or soft foods at that point. I went in that Monday morning at a hefty weight of 269lb.......it was so embarrasing to me.....here I was wearing 22/24 and they were tight, I was stretched to the limit to stay in this size at this point...I stand at 65" or 5'5"....I always thought I was larged boned but that would soon change after the weight started melting off.

As with anything, since I'm so OCD and ADD, this was something I was going to succeed with and not fail...I follow the docs orders to a T.....I dropped 40 lb in the first month!! WOW what an incentive....

Fast forward and all the drudge taken out....today 2/7/09, I am 26 months post op....I weighed 132...that is my all time low (I am not good here too thin) my previous all time low was 135, my favorite weight is around 140-145, that is a good weight for my body frame. I have had no plastics and not sure I will, although I would love a boob job!! lol I am healthy, happy and stick to the program everyday...I'm so happy that I have been given a second chance at life and although I moan and cry on here from time to time...I am enjoying myself more than I have in the past 40 some years of my life...

Not quite the readers digest short version...but it's me, it's raw and it's just the way it is.....

Saturday

Yeah I'm so glad, last night bed early...I was wiped. Work is changing dramatically right now and this week was a mental challenge...I did manage to get a groove going by Friday, so I've been able to overcome this challenge and make some progress.

Weight is down, way down this a.m. Am I happy, of course, should I be, absolutely not!! This a.m. I decided to weigh, haven't in a while but I know that I handle stress totally opposite pre-WLS...so drum roll.....132 this a.m. Too low, I've lost about 8 lb this week...eek...I'm sure the cruise will help put some back on. I knew I had lost as the skirt I wore yesterday kept slipping..lol

This afternoon, I have another date...yeah...So this is 4 dates in two weeks and he was the one who said he wasn't seeing me until I got home from my trip..hee hee We have been having alot of fun, laughing and doing things together. It's been very good for my soul.

On other news, winter is 1/2 over. For those who live on the east coast of USA, it's been a brutal one at best, cold, snow, wet, gray...I for one will be happy to see spring...

So I'm off to get something done, not sure what that something will be but I am feeling the need to be productive...

More crap you wouldn't want to know...lol

The rules are simple - list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! Then tag 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap Award

Ok Janine - you've gotten me......

10 honest things about me:

1. I am afraid of being fat again, I have this recurring nightmare that when I wake up I weigh 300 lb again...it frightens me and I don't know why.

2. I am still struggling horribly with self esteem issues. It seems that every time I think I have it all under control, bam something hits and there I go to pieces.

3. I never thought 5 years ago, that I would become healthy, thinner and divorced!!

4. I have an irrational fright of snakes. Even to watch them on tv.....eek

5. I am a hopeful romantic. I love to be with people, especially those who make me laugh! I love optimistic people...and being around those who enjoy life and have fun....

6. I am hopeful that the next 1/2 of my life will be a totally different than the first 1/2, I hope it is filled with me doing things being involved, instead of watching from the sidelines....I have been given a second chance to make it happen and I'm not wasting time now...

7. I am the oldest of four children, all of whom are overweight. It's a deadly disease that is in my family and I am the only one who has done anything about it!

8. I am ADD and have OCD, what a combination....I have learned to live with both, but geez sometimes I even drive myself crazy with how anal I am about things...

9. I am happy in my life for one year now, I can't recall a time when I have been in more control and just doing what I want. I love the person I've become....

10. I love to cook....I can make almost anything from scratch and I cook every night for my kids. of course now they are growing up and moving on in some ways, but we always have dinner every night together, homemade!! YUM.....

So I tag 7 now....

Well I am going to leave that up to those who read....please share with us as I have!!

And the list keeps growing and growing....

http://www.fda.gov/oc/opacom/hottopics/salmonellatyph.html#products

Evidently this Peanut recall is alot more intensive than originally thought. 2 years now...WOW is all I can say, my kids live for peanut butter sandwiches, it is a part of their daily routine like brushing their teeth, at least one per kid per day...I might need to start rethinking this!!

10 days

The good lord is testing my ability to hold it together right about now, 10 days and another winter storm on our horizon. I had a dream last night that my flight was cancelled leaving to go because of ice!! GAH....If I don't have a nervous breakdown before I get there well then there will be alot of celebrating once I am there!! lol

I am ready to go, I had my date Saturday night, it was wonderful. How is it I always manage to meet a man, someone whom I want to spend time with when I'm on my way out the door or busy doing something else with my life. That is where we are. He is wonderful. Plain and simple. I laughed so much and had the best time it's scary. Really. I've probably said that before, I could probably go back in this blog, in the archives and find this exact statement about a few men I dated last year, but truly no one compares. This is not a rebellion of divorce, the other man, the one I thought would be right, or the hot one. This is a guy, someone whom I already knew. Someone who I reconnnected with accidently but on purpose I think. Someone who I enjoy spending hours with and when he leaves I can't wait to see him again. Someone who brought me flowers on our second date and they happen to be my favorite flower. Someone who listens to me, helps me and wants to be with me. Someone who I care about. Sure it's weird, he was my old neighbor but that was a lifetime ago to me. The trouble that was my marriage was already established. We had both made sure we kept our distance, although neither of us knew the other was doing that, we were attracted but I was married and he wasn't. There was the vow I made the reality that I was married and I wasn't cheating. I still can't believe neither of us picked up on the fact that we were BOTH attracted to one another it was not a one sided thing. strange..

Anyhow, that is not what this is about...this is about me, right now. I have "dieted" although I hate that word very well the last week, turned all those bad carbs I had been consuming into a thing of my past. I have lost a few pounds, toned up, doing my yoga, feel the peace..lol I am grounded, although frantic about having us both ready to leave next Wednesday morning early in the morning....I am crazy with the realization that I am sailing soon and it can't be soon enough!!

Oh and the kicker I speak at the WLS support group the night before, like I am going to have time to fit that in?? Well it will all work out, I will stop stressing and just go with it, that is what it's all about right...going with the flow called life????

I Can't believe it's almost 50

degrees outside and I don't want to move off my couch. I've watched a few movies while doing some wash today. I need to kick my butt in gear and seriously get out there today and enjoy because these days are far and few between. Tomorrow they say 45 and rain and then Tuesday, 30 and snow again. Grrr Of course we flipped the calendar to February, so the countdown is officially on. 11days and I'll be sunning and funning. God I can't wait.

I had my date last night, he came over and we had dinner and watched a movie, ok we ate dinner had great conversation a wonderful bottle of wine and well we attempted to watch the movie but ended up talking through most of it, so I was so lost when we did watch. We then attempted to watch another movie, which I promptly fell asleep during, what a wonderful date I am, huh. I prewarned him, he was sitting and I was snuggled up with him on the couch, it was nice and warm and well off to la la land I went!! I woke up right at the end of the movie, we talked a bit more and off he went for home!

I was up at the crack of dawn today, but cannot get motivated. I wish there were a magic pill for these days so I could just take it and go, but I've been tired and well I'm feeling it today. The cleaning and wash are getting done so all is good :)

I haven't weighed in a while, I know I'm down my jeans slid right on yesterday that was a plus because even they were getting a big snug...I love these one pair of jeans I own, they are my weight gauge when I don't feel like actually reading the scale!

Ok, I'm off hopefully to do something productive! outside get some Vit D or whatever...Happy Super Bowl Sunday!