The up's and down's of blended families

My family for the most part is totally dysfunctional now. My eldest son has my parents (who are divorced) his father's parents (who are also divorced) me and his father (who are divorced) and my youngest is journeying down that same path right now. It's overload when you are trying to celebrate holidays with your family. There is no real sense of the "old-fashioned" family at all, it's really sad at the end of the day when I think about it, but it's the reality of the situation. We celebrated our dysfunctional Thanksgiving on Sat, with my and my children, my gf and her son, my son's gf and my new man. Let's just say it was a big blend of alot of things but wow at the end of the day, it's exhausting.

Me and the man went to the Va vs Penn game Friday night, what a great game, although VA blew Penn away...lol It was a late night as the first game didn't get done until almost 45 min late and we left with 5 min on the clock at 12 midnight. I was exhausted to say the least. Sat a.m. up early to pickup ds2 and get him bowling at 9am sharp, back home to get the big bird in the oven and back to bowling to pick him up. Then my man came down and off shopping for xmas gifts we went, back home around 3pm to check the big bird who was cooking superbly in the oven and I crashed hard at that point. Dinner around 6pm and again I crashed out for the night at 9pm. Off the next am with his daughter to do giftwrapping at the mall I felt like crap Sunday and really just wanted to lay in bed and die. I'm not sure what that was all about, but the whole day was feeling up and down, shaky and just plain old blah. We watched the Cleveland game and I dashed off to home to spend the rest of the evening with the kids, one of whom was not home yet. STBXH made a royal pia of himself all day yesterday, calling like a million times, I swear he knows when I'm with the new man and just does it to be a pest. New man is very unhappy with the whole situation and I don't blame him one bit. Of course you can't reason this with stbhx as it's his way or no way at all.....

Today, back at work...eagles played a great game and actually showed some real football team potential last night against new england, too bad that didn't come earlier in the season.

Got a little bit of decorations up and my weight is down again :( I swear I ate and ate and ate, but I think the stress of the whole situation and everything going on is just driving me nutso. I just wish the scale would cooperate with the eating habits. I've been told now I look sickly, too thin, I don't know, I feel good but....I just feel something is wrong.

So on that note, I'm going to get some work done, I'm really happy in my life and with my life and am so excited for Christmas this year (which I wasn't 2 months ago)

We survived

Thanksgiving, it was great to see the friends and family. What a difference in my life all these people have been this past year, rooting for me and well just being there for me. Wed night stbxh was up his tricks, but it didn't curtail me into having a bad night, we had a great date. Went to see an indie movie in Philly, dinner and a drink on South Street. Then back to his house and watched a movie while I waited for the partiers to clear the roads so I could head home. I really didn't want to be driving while they were out there since it's such a big party night here at least. Overall the evening was great, I love to spend time with my new man and he brings such happiness and joy to my life. He went out shopping this a.m. and called me at 4:45 to tell me all about his great buys, I had to laugh as I was snuggled warmly in my bed. Of course the reason being is we work today :(

DS1 and his gf went shopping today too, starting with the midnight run...lol They strolled in around 7am and proceeded to go to the couches and get in some sleep.

So work is quiet today, hopefully I'll get alot done, but it's what it is...have a great Black Friday and if you are shopping be safe.

The day before

Here we are the day before the big holiday, the busiest travel day of the year as millions of people are flying, driving or taking whatever means to get home and spend some quality time with family and friends. It is the unofficial beginning of the craziest time in the year, of course I love this time of year!! I absolutely love Christmas. Last year I was recovering and I got the house decorated over a period of time although I felt like it would never get done. This year, well a few months back I was considering not even decorating for Christmas and give in to the bah humbug about the whole thing, but something has changed, a monumental thing has happened in my life and it has changed my whole outlook on things. Here is a great example: The past 4-5 days have been rainy, cold and down right nasty. Under these conditions I would normally be grumpy, grouchy and downright mad at the weather for being so crappy, well it didn't even bother me. I truly didn't care!! WOW is all I can say. Today the sun is shining and it's warm, going to be a great day and an even better night. M is taking me to Philly for dinner and some sightseeing on South Street...from the infamous song. It should be brimming with people out and about and enjoying the unseasonably warm evening and I will be spending it with a man I truly adore right now. How can life be more perfect? It can't...I'm so blessed to have him in my life and truly am in awe how much he adores me! I have never felt like I do and I am enjoying this ride every minute.

I sat down with ds2 and told him I was seeing someone last night, it went over alot better than I thought it would and he asked alot of great questions about M and I told him, he's great. He doesn't quite know yet that he's meeting him Sat night, but I will let him know before the time comes.

Tomorrow is the most thankful day of the year, or so the pilgrims taught us that right?? LOL I am truly blessed and thankful for so much this year that my cup brimmeth over..ok I'm getting sappy.

So everyone enjoy your family, friends, some football (if that's your thing) and great food. If you are cooking, relax and enjoy yourself. I have cooked for so long that this year is a special treat that I am not. I will enjoy seeing my friends and family I haven't seen in a while, all the while missing those that cannot be with us this year.

Then after all the turkey is cleaned up and the dessert is settling in, it will become the craziest time of year, black Friday!!

Enjoy

One year Surgiversary

Today is the day, at this time one year ago I was being wheeled into the OR and the beginning of my new life was right around the corner. It has been a year filled with ups and downs and good and bad and a lot of new and exciting things are happening. In one year I've gone from 256.5 to 137.5 for a total loss of 119lb. That is a teenage girl for goodness sake. I stand at 5'5" so for me I'm in the normal height/weight range. I know sometimes when I read other's blogs I wonder how tall they are for their weight, as everyone always looks so fabulous. I have a hard time sometimes realizing it's been a year. The trials and tribulations that make life work are amazing, and for me it's a new life, from top to bottom. Soon to be xh and I seem to be working through things well, I have a new man in my life, whom I'm simply head over heels with right now (and I hope this doesn't change), my children are wonderful and I have alot to be thankful for. It's a time for me to reflect on the last year and to see just how far I've come. I feel like a Virginia Slims advertisement..lol I will get to enjoy a healthy thanksgiving with my family (well the part that is up here) and am very thankful for the opportunties that I have been given as well as those I have taken.

In reflection I have learned alot about myself, who I truly am or could say truly was hiding under the "fat suit". I have come to love myself for who I am and what I am and are becoming. I know that I am a good person, a kind person and very loving. I also know that my worth and self dignity have been restored to a higher level than I have ever had in my entire life. I am loved by myself and others. It has been a challenge per se to see some of these qualities in myself as I have seemingly "existed" prior to surgery. I still have issues with my body, but they lie in the fact that in losing the weight I have pockets of skin that are left over. I am happy though with myself and how I look and who I am. I think for the first time in my life I can actually say with overall confidence that I have turned into the person inside and outside that I always knew I was. My blog started out with a blurb to say I wanted WLS to turn into this person and that was a personal goal of mine. I'm happy to say I've accomplished this goal.

The next year will still be full of new and exciting challenges. I know now that I'm almost out of the window of weight loss. Although right this minute I am still losing, I know this time period is quickly drawing to a close. I now need to implement all these wonderful things I've learned to be the success I know I can be. Personally, professionally and mentally there are still alot of challenges that I know I have to endure this coming year. I feel that I have become a better prepared person not to run to the bag of chips or 1/2 gallon of ice cream when the chips are down, but I have learned there are new and more positive ways to channel this bad energy. It will be a year of growth and hopefully the beginning of something new and wonderful for me. So in addition to looking forward to year two of post op life, I am also looking forward to the new year 2008, it will be full of surprises and good things.

The weekend

Was a whirlwind of activities. Friday night was the sports banquet, it was really a nice affair they pulled together. The dinner was made by the culinary arts students, it was very delicious and I actually enjoyed their selections, very post WLS surgery friendly!! Then on to the actual awards ceremony. Overall it was very nice, they did the all conference and higher type awards for all fall sports first then broke it down by sport, ds1 did receive the coachs award trophy for the year along with a nice team photo with the school, class of 2008 and his name from the coach. Overall it was an enjoyable event. Afterward we met some friends and checked out the new singer Megan in Jason's band. She was awesome and a truly nice girl. Young but nice, and of course they will draw the guys as she is cute as a button!!

Saturday morning was moving day, we were up bright and early and got everything done. Of course it was overcast, breezy and downright chilly but nice, I spent about 3-4 hours that afternoon with my mom and then got ready for my date. I was so happy to see him, and we had a really great time. I got to meet his sister, brother and father, and that was really nice. Yesterday was a day of rest, Eagles and wash. Of course I squeezed in some grocery shopping too :) LOL I had alot to do and got it all done.

So we are back at work, I feel like being home as it is still rainy and chilly out there, but there is alot to do. This Sat we are having our own Thanksgiving with my new dysfunctional family!! lol I will be going to my father's on Thursday to celebrate with them and his gf's families. Overall it's another busy week.

Oh and tomorrow is my one year surgiversary!!

Oh and did I tell you we have 36 shopping days till Christmas?? LOL Just thought I'd throw that in there for good measure.

It's Friday

and I'm so happy. We are heading out to the sports banquet tonight, big awards are coming I can feel it!! Then my gf and I are heading out to see our friend Jason and the new singer in his band!! Some of our other friends are heading out tonight also, it's been a while since I've seen them, so I'm very excited about that!

Tomorrow is moving day, we are up bright and early and have to get this done fast, as I have to get a nap and then my new guy and me are going to a party tomorrow night. I'm driving up there early for a little one on one time first! :) I can't wait to see him. We talk everyday, actually quite a few times a day and I'm on cloud 9!

Sunday will be a day of cleaning and fixing up stuff, her bed is getting delivered and it will get somewhat sorted out....

So I have a busy, busy weekend...and no kids!! :)

Enjoy everyone

Almost the end of the week

It's almost the end of the week and I haven't had alot of time to blog. Life has been settling down into a routine, which is very refreshing considering what we had been dealing with. Soon to be xh is picking up ds2 on Monday/Wed evenings and every other weekend so far. Which is good. He seems to be adjusting the fact that his father is no longer in the picture so I'm happy with that. I know it has to be very hard on him, but I also know that this is the best thing for everyone involved. So this weekend is moving weekend for my gf, she is moving in with us for a while to alleviate the expenses, I'm not 10000% crazy about it, but for now, it will do. I'm not sure what I am going to do with the house yet, the market isn't quite right for a sell, but it's too big for me and the boys alone so we'll see. Plus with the holidays coming it's definitely not the right time to make any major decisions along that lines, so we will have a roommate for a bit and see how that goes.

Friends of mine their band has a new singer, she is debuting tomorrow night here so I think I may go check her out for a while and see the guys, it's been a while since they have been around here, so it will be a short night, but nice. We have ds1 sports banquet first so I will be there with my son, the proud mama!! A year ago at this time, I was getting ready to start my pre-op diet, which involved the Sat and Sunday of clear liquid diet, which ironically started the day after the sports banquet last year. The changes I have encountered on this journey have been amazing, overly amazing....I'm so glad that I did this surgery and would do it again in a heartbeat, if I had to. I'm healthy, very happy with who I am right now and how my life is going. It's been such a positive experience for me and everyone in life. I just can't speak enough about this!!

I have another date Sat night with my new guy. I can't wait to see him, we talk everyday a couple of times and really are getting to know one another. The boys are away this weekend, I may be going to the Eagles game on Sunday...life is good...

The date

was great, we hit it off so well, it was scary. He was the perfect gentleman, and here I thought all that was gone forever....let's hope he stays this way!! We had a great dinner and conversation, prolonged it as long as we could as neither of us wanted to leave, but when it was over I called and left a message that I had a great time and can't wait to see him again. I think he feels the same way. We still talk daily and I am looking forward to Sat night. :)

The weekend

The best laid plans never work out sometimes do they!! I had every intention of having a perfect laid back weekend and was doing great until Sunday!!

Friday night was spent cleaning, oh you say how fun is that to be cleaning on a Friday night, well I had alot to deal with in my mind and cleaning was a cleansing experience, gave me time to sort through my life and clean up the house at the same time. Saturday morning was great, although cold and windy, the last game was a blast....but of course I was already in and let you all know this!! lol Saturday night me and my gf hung out while ds2 had a friend stay over. All in all a good weekend so far, right? Wrong, Sunday I woke up with a migraine....OMG I haven't had one in a million years, but I think the stress and strain of what has been going on in my life had come to a head and this is what it did. So most of Sunday was headache, I went to sleep with it and woke up again today with it....it sux!! I'm starting to feel some relief but it has come with a price, again I'm down, 5 more lbs. I am really starting to worry that this isn't healthy so I've called the doctor today, even though I'm scheduled in next month, because since Oct 1 I've lost 25 lb, which anyone would say great, but I dont' think I should be losing that much in like 40 days. I'm waiting for the call back now.

So on a sad note I called and cancelled my date for last night, I just couldnt' go through with it feeling the way I did, on a brighter note, today is a new day and we are going out tonight!! I'm excited and glad that he didn't think I was just blowing him off....

Soon to be xh update, he's acting like an idiot again, it never ends, running cold and hot on me, I guess it explains part of the stress related migraine I'm dealing with. I've told him again there is no way we are getting back together, enjoy your new girlfriend it was what you chose!

Thanksgiving is about 2 weeks away, things are heating up at work, busy, busy, busy....not like I didn't expect that, but it always gets so crazy, anyhow...I'm rambling now...it's cold and damp today so I'm going to find some soup a blanket and relax until later!!

Happy Veteran's Day

I have lost alot of people in my family to war. It's a bittersweet memory for me as a child attending my second cousins viewing, funeral and after party at his mother's house only to have the Air Force designated people come knocking on the door half way through the party to tell her the news that her husband was shot down and killed over Vietnam just as her son was a week and a half prior. So much loss and death many, many families have had to endure for our nation to be free. We are truly the home of the free and the land of the brave.

So a special mention today to those who have lost or have friends, family or loved ones fighting in a current or past war.

The big game

It was an exciting although freezing day out there today for the Senior Game. We won an astounding 54-30 and a great time was had by all. We showed the sports forecasters and all who predicted we would lose 21-15, this day will live for a while in the high school records as the team who finally got the school out of the slump. We didn't finish with an astounding record but were 5-5 on the season, but in the last 22 years this hasn't been done!! What a great time was had by all. Pre-game festivities included a walk with a parent or guardian and a rose for all the moms, I've posted a picture of me and my son, I'm a proud mom today!!

Another weekend

and I am ready for some real R&R this weekend. I have my boys so that should be a good time alone! Tonight ds2 has a friend coming to stay over, they should have a blast and it will give me some time to get some cleaning done and other things. I have a date on Sunday with my new man. I can't wait to see him again!! I really like him and although it's so soon, he makes me happy, so as my friends say go for it. Tomorrow we have Senior Day at football, it's the last game and they have done so well this year. My ds1 was accepted in NHS for the fifth straight year, he received a special commondation for being in the NHS since 8th grade!! Yeah for him.

Other than that, it's just relaxing and hanging out with the gang, should be a good weekend although it feels like winter here!!

Enjoy everyone! I will less scarce now that things are settling some. I'm less than 2 weeks from my first year surgiversary and I'm very excited to be sharing this with all of you!

Life overload

There have so many times that I have wanted my kids to do things but then it becomes life overload. Last night was one of those nights, of course the extra things that have happened it what made me "tilt" but not all of it is bad.

The car broke last night, thank god ds1 has a car I can utilize for work while mine is getting fixed!! Soon to be xh is having a hard time with his new 'gf' and wants to come home, um NO! It's not my fault you ran and jumped in with two feet with her. I met someone new, it's very new but exciting..the kind of exciting you get when you actually meet a potential new mate. Hey slow down yousay, well I've been thinking the same thing myself. Timing stinks but truly I'm going to let this one ride and see where it goes. I don't want to look back and say I wonder what could have happened. Nice and slow and bear with me. I've been brutally honest about myself, what I have done and where I am in my life and he still wants to talk with me...I'm amazed but the smile on my face speaks a million words..so for now I'm happy. The one boy is finishing up football this weekend, it's senior day so the pomp and circumstance will be playing...lol not. But it's a big thing for my little boy who is quickly becoming a nice young man.

So life is overwhelming, I'm sure it will settle down eventually as we get in our new routine. It's all good and I'm very happy. Weight is maintaining for now, which is a good thing, I think it was dropping pretty quickly to quickly in fact. Exercise is good, not enough cardio right now, but still moving along. I've changed up my weights routine again, and I think these new things are working as I am starting to see new definition in some of the flab that is hanging around. I'm going to keep plugging and see what happens. I'm less than two weeks to my first year surgiversary and very excited by what has happened and what will continue to evolve....what a great year this has been.

OMG I'm gonna throw the phone in the trash

He has called a million times, I want to come home, etc....it's over...please let it be what it is. I know this is hard but it has to be this way.

Here we go

he is moved. It took two days as he left all his hanging clothes and jackets at the house on Friday. Saturday when he came to pickup ds2 for the night he took the balance of the stuff. It's crazy how can you leave and forget your clothes??

Anyhow, my girlfriends tried to keep me on overload with business this weekend. It was very sweet but I was bushed yesterday.....Friday night was the game, we lost and it was a horrible loss, but fun out there in the brisk cool weather. Afterwards me and a girlfriend went and had a drink and listened to some old friends and their band. It was nice...Sat we got some of my other gf stuff out of storage and went down to MD to the park for the day, we watched the most amazing sunset over the water at Turkey Point, that was probably my favorite part of the whole weekend. Then off to grab a bite to eat and out to see her bf's band play. I met a really nice guy, we'll see..lol Sunday was up too early again and rearranging furniture and overall cleaning. It was very cleansing to get some things done at home, along with wash and grocery shopping. Last night me and an old friend went up and watched the eagles get destroyed by Dallas...lol

Today, foolishly I'm back at it, should have taken the day off!! But there is alot to do, so.

It's hasn't hit me quite yet, but I'm sure it will and get weird with soon to be xh out of the house...time will tell

Moving day....

today is that day. After a VERY long night last night today is finally here. I think it will help start healing for both of us..alot of hateful, mean things were said and done last night which I'm sure we are both sorry for but that is how it is right now. I know that deep down we both respect and care for each other but just can't do this anymore to either of us. The healing will now begin, it will be a long process I think (or at least I would hope) but you never know.

Tonight after work (which I am leaving here soon) is tire for ds1 car and then get ready for the game, down there at 7pm...should be a doozy. A good game is waiting to be played tonight and the weather will be perfect for football, chilly, crisp and finally fall like. Friday night lights and it's our last night game. I am praying for a win for our boys!!

Tomorrow is a sleeping in day!! yeah for once in a while I get to sleep if I want to but we all knows that means i'll be up bright and early..lol After that is alot of cleaning and rearranging. I have the whole day planned out then out with the girls later that night, for some R&R

Sunday will be the same, get everything done before the game, Eagles vs Dallas....then we are back at it...

busy weekend but it should be a good one....

Enjoy all

Stupid things that make you mad

I found out in a not so nice way that my soon to be xh has a new gf. In fact that is where he is now. I don't care the fact that there is a new lady friend, in fact I urged him to do it, but the lying and deceiving instead of being honest there was uncalled for. He took ds2 trick or treating last night and evidently lied to him also, when the lady friend and her daughter joined them, he led him to believe it was a friend of the other people they were with...so I feel like the whole thing was a shamble from the get go, to so easily lie to your spouse, I wonder how far back this has gone?? It's just another reason why he is the stbxh!!!

Happy Halloween

So this is the first halloween of the new me. I went to a costume party (which was a blast) and never got around to decorating or anything for the kids. In fact, if I don't get to the store at lunch I won't even have sweet treats for them tonight!! So I have a full day of work and running errands at lunch.

So this weekend my plans include alot of cleaning and purging...starting over if youwill.

I have been finally maintaining my weight for a few days, it has been dipping rather drastically, or at least I feel rather drastically. I feel like crap and all bloated and crampy today, so that explains that....I have been exercising, yoga still being my exercise of choice...back at the cardio at least 3x a week also. I've been really having difficulties squeezing that in sometimes, so I need a new creative plan to do some at home after work if need be.

I am coming up on my one year surgiversary this month of November. It's hard for me to believe it's been almost a year already, it feels like I was just starting out on this journey yesterday. I have learned alot this past year, about myself, my body and my needs and wants. I know they haven't been all positive, but it's who I am and where I am in my journey.

I'm looking forward to 2008 with renewed hope that things will definitely be brighter for me!

Yeah the weekend

It's been a long/short week for me at work. Time has flown being so busy but so crammed full of things to do. I'm drained, but looking forward to this weekend. I so wanted to dress up and go out for Halloween and no one wanted to, now we are going to a party and I'm not prepared. I'll have to think of something quick today for tomorrow night! Tonight I have another date, it will be our third, Wed this week we went out to dinner and a movie. That was nice and I do enjoy my time with him, sorry he's leaving soon, but that is how it is. I believe he told me next weekend is his last here :( Anyhow, tonight we are going to dinner and to see my friend Kevin's new band play, that should be nice. My gf and some other friends are meeting us there. Tomorrow we have college visit at Towson and then tomorrow night a Halloween party. Sunday will be rest, cleaning and house crap. Such a busy month this was and it's quickly coming to an end. We need to buckle up and get our applications filled out and sent in now...he needs to finish scholarship paperwork and then we wait again until Jan for the next round of paperwork. I don't remember college being such a big project when I went a million moons ago!! lol

Exercise is going well, back in the cardio, it feels good and I can definitely tell the difference when I do it. I'm searching high and low for some good back sculpting exercises, I think I've found some, but need to get a band to do them with. The bands I have don't do the job correctly. Maybe this weekend I'll run up to Target and see if they have the band I need. Yoga is still a source of inspiration and relaxation for me. That is key in this changing times. Weight is down again, I can tell by my clothes, it still amazes me that now I lose in stress where before I would eat through stress and gain at least 10-15 lb each time....how things change.

The rain has also moved in the other day, it's hanging around for 1/2 of the weekend plus bringing in cooler more fall like temps. Sweaters are out as I'm freezing and I was thinking just yesterday I don't know how I'm going to cope with winter, but we'll take it as it comes. I also need to go shopping for a new winter coat as well because all my old ones I can almost wrap around me. I've been looking but nothing amazing has caught my eye yet!!

A small glimmer of hope inside

a tangled web that has been woven. That's how I and where I feel my life is right now. It's not negative, it's not positive, but it's getting there piece by piece.

First of all I need to express my sincerest thanks to all my cyber friends who are there in spirit with me. I am reading the comments and thank you, thank you. A big cyber hug to you all, I feel the love :)

So yesterday afternoon soon to be xh called and wants to talk, uh oh is my first gut reaction. I said I'm at work, let's do this tonight, where I'm better equiped to deal with whatever he throws my way. Thank god he was being reasonable but it worked out. So I leave work only to find out that I've locked my keys in my car. Good grief, thank god my son has my spare pair and was just leaving school, so a small detour and we were on our way home...

I get home, we eat, then sit down to chat. It was a positive chat, more arrangements were/are being made by him. It's positive, moving forward in a manner that is acceptable to all parties involved directly and indirectly. I tell him I have a work function tonight, so I won't be home, no suspicions, just an ok. I've made arrangements for dinner to be provided for the kids, his job is to be there for them, I know now I will need to rethink this plan down the road these things come up time to time! Anyhow, at the end of the conversation I felt positive, the first time in quite a few days. My therapist called shortly after to check in on me, I'm good I tell her, we will see each other next week, unless another emergency comes up!! I'm in a good place again, the place I want to be. Happiness through this blur of rain that is coming down outside is what I am living. I can't wait for things to progress a little more, but I am patient and understanding (at least I hope I am) I will need to remember this the next time things don't go my way!! lol So Friday I am going on another date! I'm excited, except the date is to the football game, because my kid is playing and he's agreed to come along, how fun! Then we are going to grab a bite to eat....yeah...it's the right distraction at the right time. Life is fun again!!