Oh yeah baby....

It's the weekend. Been a very productive and busy week, but I am certainly glad it's the weekend. I am babysitting my gf's puppy, such a little sweetheart she is and I'm glad to have her around this weekend, it will be fun. I have to finish my cleaning tonight, tomorrow the boy is going to his friends to spend the night and my old neighbor is coming over for dinner and a movie. I can't wait, I am truly excited about this but deep down I still have mixed feelings about trying to get into another relationship so soon. I will just let this happen and see what happens. I am glad though we have reconnected and get to spend some more time together.



It's going to be a cold one again too, but warming up a little for Super Bowl Sunday. You never know what is going to happen during that game. I see the ad's being yanked the raciness of the sponsorship, but it will be what it is, sex sells. Look at Gillian Barbieri, if she isn't the sexiest weatherperson to let us all know how the weather at each game is going to be each weekend I don't know who is. Now do you really think they put her out there in her tight fitting outfits to appeal to the mass of women who watch?? Hell no...lol I am though looking forward to the new ad's that will be put out during the game. It's almost an entity within itself.

Food and exercise are going well, I have been diligent with the less carbs or should I say good carbs only....and lots of water throughout my day. It's paying off, again the scale isn't moving but the pants are a bit looser and the pudge isn't feeling so bad these days!! lol

Thank you

Yes I like the black lacy dress too...in fact after looking at the pictures I found it to be very flattering and the other, well not so much :)

I am less than two weeks to leave!! yeah!!! With this freezing rain and icy conditions of yesterday I am so ready for some sun and warm....

I did manage to get to the grocery and stock up on fruits and veggies and some good whole grains. I have been out for a day and boy does it matter. Thank goodness our local convenience store carries all that for a quick stop and fill up yesterday just to get through the day.

So I said a few blogs back that I have been talking with my old neighbor. Strange to me how things work out in life sometimes. Well anyhow, he is coming over for dinner and a movie Sat. night. We've been talking almost everyday, it's weird how this happens in life but it's been nice. I am looking forward to spending some time with him. Sunday is Super Bowl, I am really looking forward to this, but alas I will go into football withdraw when it's over. Sad, I know, probably remind you of some husbads or boyfriends out there I'm sure, but it's my thing. The next time any serious football, the draft. I'm truly a fan..lol

Other than that just laying low and ready for the vacation. My son is excited to as he will be going away to but in a different direction on a school trip...

ok I need you opinion...all of you!!!

As you know those who read I am going on a cruise, we have one formal night and I have two dresses to pick from so.....

dress 1





dress 2





ok so here they are, please please help me decide I like them both but only one night!!!

OH and my date group

I was reading a blog of a fellow WLS buddy who had her surgery the same month I did. She posted this a bit ago so I'm a little late but wanted to bring some interesting facts to light that I agree with 100%. She has lost and done a tremendous job of losing and maintaining, but she said year two was filled with an eye opening experience when the scale showed her a 25 lb weight gain. Yes folks, it can happen. Year one is 80% tool, 20% user, year two is more like a 50-50 split since your body is now becoming accustomed to this new way of life, year three is a 20% tool, 80% user and this is not to say that you can't be 100% in control, but it is a whole thing about change of life and eating habits. If you are the one who picks up crackers or a handful of chips every time you walk through the kitchen and at the end of the month show a 5lb gain and you wonder why, maybe it's time to go back to the basics and start journaling. I attend support group on a regular basis. It's more like a bitch group to me on some months, because these people who are smart, intelligent and funny have no clue that mindless munching of the wrong thing is going to lead to weight gain. I'm talking about full out grazing and that is what they are doing. Geez people have you not listened to anything, anyone has to say on this subject. It has to change PERMANENTLY!! I am no saint, I still munch and I drink....I'm not going to tell you what is right or wrong, but as soon as I am feeling a bit slouchy or thick in the middle, well the basics come out and I cut back on the indulgences and ramp up the water and protein and veggies. I mean c'mon have you learned nothing on your journey! I find sometimes people are so inept when it comes to what is right and wrong. This is not going to happen without your input people....so when I get asked, how do you stay so thin, what is your secret...HELLO there is no secret, I follow the guidelines, I eat healthy, I exercise, drink my water, take my vitamins and the rest just happens.....

I guess my ambivalence for this type of person is a little short on the tooth today so to speak, I received a call from yet another person, who is struggling. I mean two years out and they have only lost 50 or 60 lb. There is a good 100+ still to lose, so when I look at the phone like you've grown the third eye look back at me and say I know, I'm not following the program, because we all know if you were the weight loss would be greater. This particular person is a doll, but not structured in life, can eat at least double than I can at a single sitting and the choices...welll let's just say nothing at all like I eat. Fries, cheeseburgers laiden with goo, fatty meats, lots of potatoes, carb heaven. I suggested a fish or chicken dish, oh no I don't care for that type of food....I was asked to dinner tonight, which I politely declined because I know the conversation would go there....and with my current mood, there would include a few quesitonable remarks from me.

So folks, it is a tool, it's proven, it's not a fix all, or a fast fix. You have to do your part for it to work properly long term....in other words think long and hard about what you want, long term....because this is FOREVER...and I am not writing this to make anyone mad or pissed at me, just letting it out...

Sunday, Sunday

Yes I'm feeling a little more energetic today, yesterday....basically turned into a bust. Movies all day while laying on the couch. I did talk again to my old neighbor via email....he sent me a few recent pics and yes he's still very cute!! I am looking forward to catching up with him really soon! So now I have a ton of cleaning and wash to do today! Lucky me...and well I just don't want to but it is an evil necessity.

The cruise is coming, 17 days and counting, but sheesh who is counting! ME!!! That is who..lol I did manage to get some of my things out and well the choices are growing but the suitcase is only so big....so...I have to narrow it down a little bit. I have 4 swimsuits to chose from now, I bought two keepers and gf gave me two more brand new ones. I am very excited and this has been a long time in the making.

So I'm off to clean, wash and whatever else it is today I need to get done....

Saturdays are made for sleeping

And boy did I sleep in...12:30 in the afternoon and I finally dragged my lazy butt out of bed. Obviously I needed it more than I realized. I had a great time with my girlfriend last night, she had this stuff called Carolina Sweet Tea, it's southern style ice with vodka in it. Now let me preface this by saying I am not a big vodka girl....but this stuff was the bomb and you don't even taste it. Of course not that is why I ended up crashed out on her sofa....lol Woke up early this a.m. and took the youngest to his bowling and came back home and crashed back in the bed...and here I am voila!

I scored some really great clothes and the formal dress is just beautiful, she said I was stunning even with ratty hair and no makeup when I tried it on, he husband just sat there with open mouth, so I guess I was lookng pretty darn hot! lol I got some great casual dresses too....so I'm ready got to wash them and start getting things together!

I am tired today and all I want to do is go back and laze in bed....oh the old neighbor who I have been talking with is in pursuit as my gf calls it, he is emailing me and it's nice we talk and talk seem to have alot in common but I'm still hesitant to start anything at all, I just got out of a really questionable relationship and want the me time. Sometimes I feel like i will lose him if I don't grab the opportunity but I know this isn't so. I told him be patient and that I really wasn't looking for arelationship right when he came along,he said no problem...we'll see how long that lasts..lol To say I'm not physically attracted to him would be a big lie so we'll see....as always things happen to me when I don't want them to.

Off to figure out some things here I need to be semi productive today i thnk!

Day three and another

Success...I have been able to hold it together. Today was far easier than the last two that is for sure. I have eaten properly, exercised but now I am getting ready to go out with my girlfriend and wow we will be having a few cocktails..lol I will try to keep it manageable..lol

I am very excited about my trip as the comment said! I haven't been on a cruise in forever, coupled with the sub-zero weather we have been having, it will be the perfect break for me. And a small chance to warm up for a short while!

Tonight after cocktails we are raiding my gf's closet, she has the best clothes in the world and I'm shopping there for free. Speaking of clothes my bathing suits came in and I love them both, so I've decided I'm keeping them both! Big score for me, they both flatter in their own special way! So 5 days two suits, big smile on face....priceless.

I am starting to organize my stuff too, I'm am the anal organizational queen. Since both me and the boy will be away at the same time I need to get moving. I drop him off at school the morning at 6am and my flight out is 9:30...nothing short of calling it close...

I am off, to change and out the door i go

Day two

Alot of my fellow WLS friends struggle with the fluctuations and ups and downs of weight as we get on in our journey. It's a fact of life, this wonderful "tool" we are given is just that a tool. It's not a cure all, nothing that is going to fix your mind and body and make you beauty pageant thin and beautiful, that is all up to the individual. I have had great success since having my surgery. I have lost my weight, hit my goal and am able to maintain. That in itself is no small feat, because truthfully alot of people never actually hit their goal. They get to a "comfortable" place and then everything stops. Some tend to gain back a little or alot of weight. I have a few people who had surgery when I did who have gained back quite a bit of weight back since surgery, I'm talking 50, 60 or more lbs. It's scary to me to think this could be my reality. Deep down I do not want it to be. I still struggle somedays with the mirror image that reflects back at me, I see myself as I am now, the girl who wears a 6 or 8 or weighs arond 135-145 lb at any given time but I don't always believe what I see in the mirror. This morning was a perfect example of this, I picked out a shirt to wear and while putting it on thinking, I will never be able to button this, well low and behold the shirt is.....to big. When will this ever change? Who knows maybe it never will, sometimes I just need to hear the voice say to me, you are healthy, happy and in the right range for you. I'm petrified of returning the girl I once was.

This whole revelation and story is taking me to something that is going on in my life right now....I moved to my current resident around 5-6 years ago, it was the beginning of the end of my marriage,health and alot of things that were going bad in my life. I have had a partial knee replacement, followed by more weight gain, then the GBS which was followed by my then husband leaving and then the maintenance phase began with me out there dating again. The dating life of me has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, I would say mostly downs. The other night I was on my facebook account and an old neighbor from where I lived sent me an email, "hi neighbor, boy do you look diferent". Well I wasn't sure at first who this person was so I looked at the profile, then thought I recognized them. I replied, yes I've lost quite a bit of weight. They responded you really look great....ok are you seeing this is from a guy neighbor, he proceeds to ask how my children are, my former pet and husband. I respond, the kids are great, my poor pet has passed away and well my husband is now an exh. So we've been back and forth with the chitchat over the email and I give him my number so we can catch up (he was part of a bigger group in that neighborhood that used to hang out together) well I can now see he is taking this towards a possible dating route. I just don't know if I am ready, plus I am in the mentality of he remembers me heavy, fat per se.....I know just by writing if I don't know if I am ready I'm not right, maybe yes, maybe no. I know that when I lived there I thought he was very handsome and all that but I was married so nothing. I also remember telling my one neighbor that if I were single I would have pursued him back then also, she always would tease me about this, maybe she knew his attraction also, maybe not. So tonight we will meet up for coffee and a chat and go from there. I'm not going to shut the door on this, but I just don't know how I feel about it.....

Success

Today was a success! Even with all the yummy food they brought into work for lunch today, I was able to pick through it and find some cheese chunks, salad, and a grilled chicken (which I took out of a sandwich) and cut up on my salad, I brought some clementines and had water, instant lunch. I did manage to snag two hershey kisses too so my sweet tooth was satisfied. Breakfast, one egg w/bacon and toast and dinner, 1/2 cheeseburger that I made with veggies. I did yoga tonight to, I love to stretch but darn it's cold and hard to get stretched properly due to the cold. Oh and a yogurt earlier for snack...yeah today was success....now I need to keep myself out of the fridge and cabinets..lol

I made a SF Hot Chocolate to settle the craving that Iwas getting just typing this stuff....sheesh I am more out of control than I originally thought....back to basics for me, more so than I thought I needed it.

Tomorrow, day 2, and 20 days left till I leave. 3 weeks from now I will be sunning and funning and I need to look decent for this!!

New day

I am starting this day off with my mantra for the next few to get back into routine, low carbs, healthy ones, no junk will pass these lips...

I need more water too, I realized I drink tea, coffee and water but barely any because it's so darn cold, I need to find a way to push more into my body. Maybe some of those crystal light to go sticks, or something. I eat fairly healthy, protein, veggies, little sweets if ever just those darn carbs which are EVERYWHERE!!

My weight is right in the middle of my safety zone right now, 138 this a.m. I am hoping to lose a few lbs more importantly I'm lookng to lose the pudge and bloat I feel with all these carbs. They do give me too much gas and well its very uncomfy and doesn't allow the pants to feel like they are laying nice.....

Off for my morning cup of joe....which I will try to follow each coffee or tea with a bottle of water..

Here's to a new start on this hump day

22 days till the cruise....now if that is not an incentive i don't know what is!

My cruise

is 22 days away, I'm so excited it's not even funny. As I sit here freezing my ass off in this weather that has been in the teens for days I don't know if I won't be frozen by the time I leave for the airport in February. I have a brand new adventure before me with this trip.....I have been alone now for a short while, I am coming to terms with the life that I am leading now and it's really good, I like it actually. I have spent alot of time with my friends, some whom I haven't seen in quite a while because of the distance and the circumstances that have surrounded the whole disassociation, but I am grateful for the chance to rekindle these relationships.

I have been feeling very satisfied like I said in this time and place in my life, I like it here where I live, my kids are very settled here with their schools and friends, but I feel like there is a small piece of me that is wanting more out of life, to experience new things and try out new things or places, I'm not quite sure what it is or what I am searching for right now, but I will continue to look. I think this trip is coming at a perfect time and well that being said the company on the trip is going to be just what I need to break out of my mold so to speak. I am going with an old, dear friend. I know it is going to be a much needed break from my reality here and something that is sorely needed in my life right about now. I am just grateful I will be able to thaw out a little from this cold, cold winter we are having this year!

On another note, the world stopped for a moment this a.m. and sworn in a new president, a chance at a new beginning (hopefully) because the way this nation is now, well I'm not totally happy. Of course nothing will happen overnight but it will happen it has to, I have faith and hope for all of us.

Just another quick note, I've been the horrible carb monster, its the darn cold weather, just makes me want comfort food, I need to stop and stop right now or I will be a beached whale on my trip, in my swimsuit....which cannot happen!! I am writing this to help me stop, gain control of myself again, I realized this today when for the second night after making dinner I was not hungry because my dumbass ate too much crap today! all day long!! enough.....the weight hasn't fluctuated but the pants are a bit snug...ugh

New beginnings

In Washington DC today. Barack Obama is going to be sworn in and with his partner, Joe Biden going to try and sort out this mess known as our government and lead us in the right direction. I've noticed also in the last 2-3 weeks that gas is back up about .30/gallon here to.....so much for that but still the price is lower than last year.

We had icy, snow yesterday, I wish I were off with the millions of other's that were but alas no I worked :(

My life is going great,I'm single again (yes very single..lol) and my job is secure for another year thanks to a shining review. I have great health, my boys, wonderful family (when they want to be) and my weight is maintaining. I haven't weighed in a while, probably since before christmas and I'm maintaining, 137 today..yippee...

23 days till my trip, can you tell I'm excited. I hope my swimsuits show up soon in the mail so I can decide which one if not both to keep...I am so ready for some sun, warmth and fun...it's been along time in the making.

It's winter, not really much going on with me so this is short for now....

The deep freeze got me

Yesterday morning about 7:30 a.m. it's 5 freaking degrees out and what happens, my car died, going up a hill on a busy highway! Only me, only this happens to me. I've just about had it with this car but realistically I don't want a car payment, I have a college tuition I'm paying into, among other incidentals like a home and such....geez...so I have a dead truck sitting out front and alot of thinking to do about what I am going to do about it.

I had a nice weekend though before that, my lobstergram showed up Friday. I had a live lobster, new england clam chowder, a 8 oz filet mignon and butter....it was a gift card as a christmas gift two years ago that provided this sumptuous dinner, I got a salad and a bottle of great red wine and with a friend Friday night we had a superb dinner. It was nice and relaxing and we caught up on old times as I haven't seen them in a while. Today is a little milder but the snow was still falling out there a while ago, the Eagles are on right now, so I am going to cut this short!!

Eagles/Pittsburgh super bowl.....I hope

I've been MIA on here...

My home computer is broken!! The tv broke too...I am blocked from this site at work so thankfully my oldest came home tonight and I borrowed his laptop.

Thankfully we are getting our new tv on Saturday then onto the computer issue at hand. For those of you who I am friendly with on facebook I can access that at work, so I'm trying to keep updates there...lol

Next month I am going on a cruise from Tx to Cozumel....I'm so darned excited I can't even think straight. I have so much to do to get ready as I have yet ventured the white sands or any sands since my WLS and have not one appropriate swimsuit to wear. I ordered a few online today and hopefully one or two I will love when they come to the door. The boy is going to Williamsburg the same time.

We have survived the start of 2009 though even with this issues at hand. The cold weather is here, arrived this afternoon, I left work it was 10 with god knows what wind chill, I'm snuggled up sweats, wooly socks and all...lol I can't wait to get warm even if it's only for one week!! No snow on the ground but lots of snow showers.

I have no idea when I'll be back on here. I miss you all, I hope to catch up on some of the goings on around my blog world....

ciao for now