Day 2

This is now the start of the hard part, or so they say. I went to an emergency therapy last night and my doc was very glad I called her with this emergency session to get my feelings out there for me and her to help me through this. I am stronger is what I realized, I did not hold back and with that came a clarity that I knew was in there but the lightbulb went off. I don't like to make my posts so down and humdrum, but unfortunately this is my life right now. DH and I had a bit of a chat last night about it, or shall I say he yelled and I listened, again it is 100% my fault, he is willing to take none of the blame or share any of the responsibility for this falling out. hmmm takes two to tango comes to mind!

Anyhow, I felt good last night (except for these allergies which are driving me crazy) I actually felt sorry for him and the way he was acting, I'm sure the sad and depressed part will come soon, but right now I feel like a brick wall was liberated from my shoulders. It will be a struggle to become a single mother again but I did it before and I'll do it again...

I ran the elliptical at lunch yesterday, it's my best de-stressing tool right now, I ran so hard I did over 4 miles in 30 min....I was huffing it. Needless to say I had to quickly regroup and get back to work but man did it feel good, liberating is the word I love to use now. It gives me alot of time to think in solidarity and that is exactly what I need right now.

On a lighter note, a friend of one of my friends is considering wls...he's a great guy and I wish him all the luck with whatever avenue he pursues. I think he's a great candidate is doing it for all the right reasons. YEAH!!

I survived the weekend.......barely

I have to laugh, I'm on cloud 9 and yes the weekend was a total success. Surprise birthday party was pulled off without a hitch. She was so happy we were there because we had all bailed out on her during the week. LOL Football game Sat morning was a blowout for us, but still a good game. We lost but it was harder team and they played pretty darn good. Saturday afternoon was the first annual Bariatric picnic at the surgery center. It was alot of fun, but man was it hot and humid. I met alot of other people I hadn't before and my darling from downstate who had her LapBand on the 28th of August was there, she is doing great and it was great to see her up and about. She's down 40 lb already which is really great!! I'm so proud of her. Home to sleep for a bit then back out again that night with some really great people from the Nascar organization who were in town for the race this past weekend. We had a blast and it was nice to see my friends play that night too!! All in all a great weekend, Eagles killed the Lions, Cowboys beat my poor Bears but it was fun. I'm still recovering today and busy here at work.

Oh and best part, we weighed in at the picnic and recorded our weights, I hit an alltime low of 149.00 there. I have dropped 8 lb in the past two weeks!! WOOT!!! I'm almost there...size 6's are fitting nicely today.

Happy Friday dance

Is beginning for me today at noon. I've taken 1/2 day and lots to do to get ready for tonights surprise party. Thank goodness it's almost here as the secret be out soon, but not before the birthday girl knows it!! So a busy weekend in store, we have to prebowl ds2 so we can get up and go to ds1 football game tomorrow morning, after the party tonight this should be interesting, but fun. Tomorrow night is the 80's loop tomorrow night that we are considering going to and tomorrow afternoon is our surgery center annual picnic...Sunday is Football and my Bears are playing Dallas so it should be good game.

I have no extra time for extras today...so enjoy your weekend....Fall starts Sunday!!

10 months out

and everything has been great. I say this coming off a very bad night though, but overall the journey has been without any major problems. I weighed in this a.m. at 150.5 from 256.4 the day of surgery. So in the grand scheme of things 105.9 lb in 10 months is a great weight loss for any WLS patient. I am feeling great, have gotten off of all my meds (which were many) and my knees feel great, I feel great. I'm exercising like a fiend, which is the total opposite of myself one year ago today!! One year ago on my blog I attended my first Nutrition class, I was at a crossroads in my relationship with dh and was celebrating me, because I had taken the first steps to a new me!! Right now, writing this blog that part of my life seems like a lifetime ago and not merely a year ago. DH and I are actively in therapy (and it's still going great), I've had my surgery, making progress on the new me, introduced many new things into my life and have literally taken it back from the demons who were there trying to destroy it! I want to shout from the mountaintops that YES you can take it back and make the positive changes if you want to! My kids tell me when I pull out a old picture of me, "I don't remember you like that" it's an amazing feeling.

I have been one of the fortunate ones also, I can eat almost anything I want to. Meaning small quantities of sugars, low carbs and lots of protein and veggies. I love to eat again, things taste good to me, even if it is just one bite! Carbs in bulk do make me feel yucky in a sluggish, bloated kind of way, which is a good reminder that they are not your friend but only in moderation. I don't tempt myself with sweets like candy, cookies and things of that nature but other than that most foods are ok. Now I have to say this as a person who 98% of the time has no side effects from eating, food does not get stuck, no issues with foamies or feeling sick when I eat, but last night out of left field I was sitting down to watch a show I DVR'd...well about 10 minutes into the show bam it hits...I was feeling weak, heart racing a bit, and tired set in (this is my usual side effect) I did feel like I could throwup at any time (sorry TMI) but I never ended up doing so....as I was sitting there I was rewinding through the day and when and what I ate throughout to see if I could pinpoint a trigger food. Well needless to say nothing was new (although we had wheat spaghetti w/sausage which we haven't done in a while) and I usually load up on meat and eat a few strands or noodles of the spaghetti...so all in all I had to say the culprit was that...well I turned off the show, immediately changed for bed and went to lie down...ended up waking up this a.m. refreshed and ready to start the day, but what a bummer. I will tell you the tool still works well for you if you choose to use it wisely. I know I won't be tempted on the spaghetti noodle for a while (unfortunately that's how it goes for me) but I will be eating sensibly today and getting right back on the wagon. So it is a lifelong thing, for those who think it may pass you by, now granted not everyone has these episodes and for some you can eat anything and never get sick, but I'm grateful that my tool does work and let's me know to check myself at the door now and again...

So 10 months out and I am celebrating me! I live my life everyday and take what I can from it, it's an exciting thing to be out there and living like a normal person, I seem to blend into crowds or get nods and smiles from those I do not know. They see me as a regular person, not a formerly obese person. It's the greatest feeling in the world and asked if I would do it again I would say "In a New York second"

17 years ago today

at 5:55 a.m. my first child came into this world. I had to wait "in line" for a c-section after two days of unsuccessful labor. He was born at 36 weeks 2 days weighing in at a whopping 9lb 8oz and was whisked away to the NICU unit because his lungs were not fully developed. It's amazing to me that this was 17 years ago. Today he stands at 6'3" and is 185lb. He loves sports and is an all around athlete and scholar in school. He's interested in studying biomedical engineering (helping people develop limbs that were lost or taken) and he's such a great kid!! I'm so proud to be his mother!

Last night and almost three years ago

Last night after settling in to watch the Eagles eat it...I was thinking about the trips I just made up and down and up down the staircase...I think it was like 4-5 in a row...I was taking the stairs two at a time almost running up and down...now back to October 2004 I was diagnosed with having no cartiledge in my right knee. To walk just across the room was just sheer agony, if I had to walk up the stairs I would wait until I absolutely had to, no up and down and up and down. In February of 2005 I had a partial knee replacement done but at a weight of 275lbs...OUCH talk about carrying the weight of the world on your knees. So after therapy was done and I was released to start exercise, now this was a grueling adventure that mostly consisted of walking, at a slow pace, my own pace with no extra effort put into the whole thing. I did manage to drop 25 lbs during this time, but it was really not that helpful, probably a little in hindsight but overall it didn't change the fact that I was morbidly obese. So off to Weight Watchers I went, in a whole year I was able to lose 19lbs...and then I proceeded to put it back on and then some....I'm sure alot of you who have had some sort of WLS surgery know this yo-yo dieting effect I'm speaking of!! Well anyway now to present day, I've run up and down these stairs 4-5 times last night in a row, I was just shocked and amazed and so happy of the fact that I could do it! I have come along way in this journey and it's only just beginning!!

Weekend recap

The weekend was a blur of activities, but I did manage to get some much needed sleep in there also, didn't want a repeat of last weekend. Friday night we were out buying gifts, he found some really great deals so got more than he thought he would, good little shopper he is!! Sat bowling was good, a good friend of ours (who used to daycare ds2) has had a resurgence of her lymphoma and had two nodules removed last week, she is terribly swollen and uncomfortable, no conclusive results on her tests of them yet, so keep her in your prayers (this is round two of this for her). Then onto ds1 football game, it was a 1 point loss, what terrible upset for our boys, they all played so well. Saturday night was a nice dinner at home and relaxing, watched a movie and fell asleep during it!

Sunday was up early, chilly out so it felt great to start on some fall cleaning, got part of the dining room done as well as normal cleaning, wash and grocery shopping all before the 1pm kickoff of the Packers/Giants game. I felt very productive yesterday!! I did weights on Saturday a.m. and no other formal exercise although all the walking and cleaning should add up for something, I did manage to loose another 1.5 lb this week so I'll take it!! The scale is moving slowly down those last 15 the doc wants me to loose and I felt very accomplished and well adjusted by the end of the weekend!

Hope you all enjoyed the fall weather here in the Northeast, it was beautiful!!

Busy weekend again

I have my calendar filled again this weekend, will it ever end!! Tonight birthday boy 1 is going to get his gift(s) and then we are checking out the Y to see how it pans out for joining. After that we are home for the evening and up early tomorrow, bowling, 1:30 game and then dinner and hopefully a relaxing evening! Sunday I have wash, cleaning and all that fun stuff to get ready for another work week. Not so bad, I do have much worse coming up in the near future.

I spent the morning getting signed up for open house at the four colleges ds1 is interested in attending. It was quite a feat trying to work them between football games and other family commitments, but I managed to pull it off. I know a few of the weekends we are going to be beat after long evenings and early mornings and long days of visiting colleges. The deadlines are coming and we are trying desparately to get our acts together on this!! It is quite an adventure.

I did get up and do yoga today...yeah, unfortunately no cardio at lunch as I have an errand and I will desparately try to get something more in tonight!

Eating has been good, I'm glad it has been easy to cut out all those bad things that just seem to make you feel blah...I guess too much blah is a good indication I'm eating bad...Carbs being my No. 1 culprit of this. I also lost 4 lb in the last fews days so another indication that the carbs were holding me back!!!

Hopefully the showers will be over long before the game starts tomorrow and the weekend is supposed to turn cooler and drier, so pleasant fall weather is right around the corner for all of here in the northeast!! Soon we'll be seeing pumpkins and mums blooming and scarecrows popping up Halloween is right around the corner...Have a great weekend!!! I will too!

It's not easy

Last night was a struggle to find things to occupy myself instead of grazing. It's hard some days and some not. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I was baking a birthday cake and was dying to dip my fingers in the batter or the icing, but I did also bake a low sugar apple crisp for myself to satisfy that sweet tooth I was having. I'm not sure if it is the changing of the seasons, where is was crisp and cool out last night and your natural instincts are to bulk up on carbs for the long winter....I'm not sure if it was just me being an idiot and thinking in my head that I can eat whatever I wanted. Well the good news is, my mind did not win, I did not graze nor did I dip fingers in batter or icing. The cake is done, iced and waiting for the party tonight. The apple crisp was baked, I had one small serving and was satisfied. But the hours of doing things and being in the kitchen was leading me down a path I do not want to go back to. I love to cook, bake whatever. I find it very soothing to me on the long winter's day when there is not alot else to do, but if this is how it will be I will not be doing alot of anything in the kitchen. I do know that up until last month I let my dh handle alot of the cooking and steered clear of the kitchen for the most part, only to pickup dinner plates and deliver to dining room, or clean up....I have alot of work to do on this one, and I want to win this battle!

On a good front, I got tons of exercise in yesterday and logged an alltime low of 151.4 on the scale, last night, fully dressed! I put on a small size shirt and size 8 slacks today!! WAHOO another victory for me. I seemed to have broken another stall and it feels good, but this one was about 2 months long...WOW Tomorrow is our visit to the Y and I'm excited. On another note, I was told by my NUT that if you want to join a gym, club or exercise class, there is a 10 minute rule, if it takes you more than 10 minutes to get there the likelihood of staying is less than if you can find one closer to home! Just a little food for thought.

My baby is 13 today

It's incredible for me to believe that my baby is 13 years old today! Where does the time go, it seems like yesterday I was lying on the table having him taken by c-section. He was so tiny at almost 6lb and such light sleeper. I remember that first year so vividly, he never slept more than 5 hours at night and by three months along stopped taking afternoon naps, at 6 months stopped all naps, it was the beginning of learning about ADHD and how it affects some children differently than others! He is now 5'5 and weighs in around 120, he's happy, well balanced and for the most part a great kid! (they all have their moments ya know what I mean moms) and I'm so proud of him. He struggles to get things done academically, but he's a natural artist. He's such a joy and pleasure to have around! I love you my son and Happy Birthday!

Where is the week going???

It's Wednesday and I'm sorely trying to get in a back to school groove with everything. I'm still exercising but I can tell you it's not as much as I used to or want to at this point...my body is screaming at me to do more!! The good news is a few months back I was posting how I would love to join the YMCA but the dh was laid off, well he's back to work and I got a card in the mail that for the month of Sept they are waiving the joinup fee. Now that might not sound like alot to most, but a few hundred dollars to sign up for a family (at least around here) was not feasible in my past budget...so we are joining, I'm going down Friday after work to get all the information. I also know they have great programs for the kids as well as yoga, pilates, spinning etc...classes for me!! I'm so excited again. This year back to school has been crazy busy, with football, new asst again at work so things are just buzzing all the time and I hardly have anytime for myself. I have to change that as this is about me, making me a priority in my day at points where I don't lose the control I've gained. It's hard with a busy family but not impossible!! I will succeed.

I almost forgot to mention that I zipped through my heart walk, 5k on Sunday, it's was a breeze. While I wasn't in the top ten finishers I was early in the pack to cross the finish line!! What a great feeling that was!

Lastly, I was watching the Biggest Loser last night and have thought back in my life where I felt exactly the same way as the team that was left behind, the ones no one wanted...I hope they all realize this is a life changing deal and are in it mentally as well as physically for the long haul. I know when I watched the alumni show last week, I was shocked at how much weight some of them had put back on since leaving the show, but again for those that did there were just as many who had stayed slim and fit, most of them using exercise or fitness in their daily routine or even as a career now!!

I will succeed!!

Weekend recap

It was busy and I am tired....Friday night I went out and skimmed through some clearance racks and got a shirt, capris and belt for 15$ total. That was my best deal of the day. Saturday started bright and early with bowling at 9am, ds2 bowled great! Then run home and change, grab sunscreen, my chair and a water jug and off to the game. We won the game, 28-7 which is better than the Eagles did on Sunday! Then off with my gf who got a new tattoo for her bday. 3 hours later we left there, went home picked up dh and ds and off to grab a bite to eat, then home, change and out the door for a night of dancing out with the girls. Needless to say Sunday morning I did not want to wake up!! I got up, ate had some water a little later and back to bed till noon...I was wiped. DH mowed the lawn, started the laundry after fixing the dryer and vacuumed so we could watch the Eagles loose!! Then the Bears lost so all in it was terrible!! Back at work today and I'm tired. Had to tow dh's car in because the starter went...what else could possibly happen!! don't answer that..lol

Fridays

are great! I love short weeks. Although when you are really busy at work it's hard. I've been getting ready for the holidays with ordering and the trade show that is coming up so I've been really scarce here. I'm sure my blogs are boring and just routine lately! My asst has had a setback from some serious issues and now is going to be taking a leave of absence for 10 weeks, of course timing couldn't be worse! ack. So I'm back to training first thing Monday morning.

The weekend is going to be wicked hot and maybe we'll end up getting some much needed rain in the second half of it though. We have the activities starting up again, I'm sure I've been ranting lately about them. I'm missing out on some good events the evening's before because I have to get up early, way early...lol I'm a baby about my sleep, I need it! So I am forgoing tonights activities in lieu of having to wake up at 6am tomorrow...lol

Tomorrow night is a birthday party so that should be fun and Sunday I'm doing the American Heart Walk...also tomorrow is the first football game of the season for my oldest ds...his senior year and I'm so proud of him!

So I'll have a little sun and lots of fun this weekend I hope you do too!

9 month checkup

So this a.m. I had my 9 month post op checkup. Things are going really well and overall the doctor was pleased with my stats, bloodwork, etc. He said I was a classic case...whatever that means. I also had my appointment with my NUT, he was very helpful and I gained alot of insight on what I am doing is the right thing as far as eating and my behaviours. I was so happy to hear about that as I feel sometimes I'm in a grey fog about the whole eating process....this coming from someone who knows how to overeat but not really eat correctly. So overall I was pleased as punch...sugar free of course.

As for work, it's crazy busy as we are gearing up for the season and the trade show. I have virtually no time for myself, but did manage to squeak in a phone call about the belt for my dryer that broke. It's on hold for me till I can get there and pick it up!!

Saturday starts the hell known as kids activities. 9am bright and early we are at bowling then off to a noon football game. In 90+ degree weather with 100% humidity that should be interesting and I need to find the sunscreen! It's almost Friday and we are also celebrating a good friends birthday this weekend. She is treating herself to a new tattoo!! I can't believe it. So much going on...when will I have time to rest!

9 month checkup

Is this Thursday, I almost forgot!! GOSH what a bad thing to do. I will get my lab slip to get labs done, I can't imagine they are bad, my B12 was high last time so he had me cut back but everything else was normal. I am vigilantly still taking all my vit's and eating protein, veggies and carbs if room in that order so all is well. I've noticed a dramatic difference again this past weekend in my body, it's becoming leaner. It's an amazing discovery unto itself as the last time I had a lean muscle in my body was about 10th or 11th grade. God it seems like a million years ago now. I could feel some leg definition and thigh definition as well as calves. I don't believe I've lost any lbs but certainly am tightening up. It's an exciting part of this weight loss chapter for me. I was asked at my last visit by the doctor "How was I going to plan to maintain this loss for the longterm" Well I have given this alot of thought and I think I have a plan defined, well as best I can think that it will work for me now. I am determined to make this work and work for the long term, I don't want to be one of the statistics that say it didn't work for me, I want a revision. I believe that if you follow the plan, exercise, take your vitamins, etc....it will work!! I want to be the success story, before and after if you please!

The doctor said

that the bumps are just the virus running it's course through my body since I have no nose running it's my bodies way of expelling the virus. Don't you love it when you sit there for over two hours and find out what you thought was the answer, but work insisted I go...so I went. Now if I could just get rid of the cough we'd be back in business.....

Today is going smoothly though so I have to take it for what it's worth...that I am happy about.

Caught me by surpise

This nasty summer cold. I was down all weekend sick and feverish. Not much in the way of anything fun or nice :(

So back at work and still sick, need to find out what these miserable little bumps are that are popping up all over my skin!