At this point I just wish it would end....

this long weekend. Did not turn out as I hoped it would, but again it gave me alot of insight into people in my life and the importance I play in theirs. I've been very down, sad if you will...this too shall pass

I was hoping for more, but ended up getting less. Tomorrow the boys and I are going to the pool. We are going to all just hang out which will be nice. I did manage to clean, I mean really clean my house today...it smells good. Laundry almost done, we are heading out for sandwiches and then they will both leave me for the evening. So another evening alone. I would think I would start getting used to them, but I'm not. I really don't have alot of great plans nor people to hang out with right now...so I just sit here in self loathing. Good I sound so damn remorse. But I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Tomorrow is a new day

Can't sleep

So here I am 4am on Sat morning. I could be laying in bed lazing around, or actually sleeping and no I'm wide awake!! What the heck!

I have no idea why, well I have a few, but I have not been sleeping well at all....

Life is crappy somedays...later I will be tired

Long weekends and such.............

Well here we are the long holiday weekend and I have no plans. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I can't believe it. Tomorrow my oldest son and I have to pickup his books for college and we are going to work out....cleaning, laundry, what an exciting weekend I have lined up huh! NOT...

I almost feel out of sorts, the summer is ending (unofficially) and well I'm just starting again to get those feelings of the changes yet to come soon. The sun is shining less, the days are growing shorter. I truly love fall and all the colors and changes with the weather, but in a cliche I hate it too, because of the shorter days and the colder weather that is coming afterward. I really hate winter. I can't stand it!

I am down in weight, a few days with fresh fruits and lots of veggies, good eating and theweight is right back off. I have to say I love my surgery for this reason. As soon as I get a little out of control, I reign it in, eat sensibly again and of course the ongoing exercise and well i'm right back where I need to be.

I am hoping to meet a good personal trainer also when we go to the gym. I would love to spend some quality time with a personal trainer to help me target specific areas on myself so that I can improve my overall self. I am also starting on the 8th of Sept my yoga classes. A whole month of some pretty intensive learning. I will be going three times a week until the first week of Oct. Then I will continue with regular classes until Mar or Apr and then onto the teachers certification.

That should be enough to keep me busy, preoccupied with what is going on around me and i hope to change the way I feel about the seasonal changes that I dread year in and year out. I really need to work on moving to a warmer climate!

Hope you all have a happy Labor Day weekend, enjoy your time off!

Because you are beautiful

I had lunch with my honey today. It was great to see him and spend some time with him. While we were at lunch evidently he sent a huge bouquet of flowers to me at work, which were delivered while I was out. All the girls in the office were gaga to see who they were from except my bff, she knew :)



So we spent 2 hours (yes I took long lunch) and had a great time. I miss him alot with all the work he's been doing. He's even working this weekend. Hopefully it will ease up soon and we can spend some real quality time together.

With that said, no big plans for the holiday weekend. In fact, I'm the late person tomorrow at work, if you count 2pm as being late..lol Everyone else gets to leave at 12noon



I'm feeling a whole heck of a lot better from the other night, glad it was mild but man it was nasty. Just a friendly reminder to me that I have had surgery and need to watch what I eat, although I don't believe I could have prevented that episode. I'm on the high side of where I like to weigh right now also, bought more fresh fruits and veggies and am working on getting it back down.

Am going to take a class on Sat and Monday at the new studio. I'm very excited for this whole process to start. I can't believe I am actually going to work in the exercise field. It's weird to think of that because I used to be the fat obese girl who couldn't get out of my own way!! lol Anyhow, things are good.....the kids are great and I'm looking forward to the long weekend off!

Brand new day

It was a brand new day and I felt pretty darn good, considering last night was a total bust. Anyhow, I have made a future plan, not sure if I jotted it down here, but here it is.

Next month I've enrolled in yoga, beginners, at a center that teaches people to instruct as well as just offers classes...do you see where I am going with this. I love yoga, it's been a lifesaver to me the last year in my stress and divorce and weight loss. It is one exercise I truly, truly love and I want to learn more. So after speaking with the owner of the studio, he suggested I sign up for the beginner class. Next year I want to pursue my teaching certification...YEAH!! I'm so excited. It's probably the first true goal I've made for myself since the WLS occured almost two years ago. I'm almost divorced and now I have a goal for my future. It's something I can sink my teeth into and I am truly looking forward to this.

So it's almost the holiday weekend, it's my Friday to stay after the troops leave, so 2pm I get to go, it's still three hours earlier than most days, so I'm a happy camper anywho! I have no plans, actually K said he's not working Sat or Sun when I asked him and he didn't make plans with me at all :( I'm very sad by this and am almost wondering where I fit into his life. I know he's busy, works a ton, and he's made alot of time for me, but sheesh I wasn't expecting that answer...so yes I'm sad. As for my friend who showed up Friday, he did proposition me, he called me today apologizing, I told him I just don't feel right around him anymore. As for the stbhx, I truly wish he would stay in FL, but he will do what he will do and to be honest I just don't care anymore, at all.

So that's my Wed, no formal exercise as I just got done dinner. I'm bloated, the weather is going to be rainy the next few days and well....

SUMMERS almost over...I'm very sad about this :(

Bad night

I ate something that totally is not agreeing with me! BLAH!! that is how I feel. I have these episodes just every once in a while now, but I never know when they are coming because I had grilled chicken for dinner....YUCK!!

As K says, "some days your the bug, some days your the windshield" right now I feel like throwing up....so I guess I'm the bug....blah....

School is going well for ds2....

K and I are doing great, i miss him in the week but we are both busy.

Tonight I spoke at our WLS support group. I always like helping people out.

Right now I'm going to lie down, i hate this!!

End of summer as my kid knows it...

Tomorrow is the first day of school, he is not a happy camper. Summer for him is over. School starts bright and early tomorrow!

My weekend was nice, Friday night a friend came up and we went on a bike ride, of course then he tried to make amove and I wasn't in for all of that so I put a halt to it abruptly and he took me home. I just dont' understand sometimes why guys do that but....it happens.

Saturday, K and I had lunch, of course he worked all weekend so we squeezed in a few hours here and there to see one another. Another couple of weeks and it will slow down a bit for him. We have talked for hours and I wish i could see him more, but totally understand that he has a job to do.

This afternoon I was relaxing after cutting the grass and finishing up some house work and then viola the x calls, he wants to come back here and live. Guess the grass wasn't as green down there as he wanted and she must not be bringing in enough money for them both..Oh well not myproblem but I am totally not looking forward to him returning here...blah!

Other than that we had beautiful weather for August, the breezes are blowing and it's just perfect. Too bad we can't spend it somewhere on vacation.

My car is still broken, I have to decide if I want to get a new one (which I don't want to) or try and spend tons of money on it and fix it...we'll see lots of thinking to do on that one.

Friday's

are the best. I was in late at work, due to the guy coming out to the house this a.m. He was semi-ontime so I'll take it. I strolled in around quarter to 11 and then viola, boss annouces we are leaving at 3pm. So I finally know what it means to have banker's hours!! Wish all my Friday's were this nice.

Last night, got a text from another friend, someone whom I haven't spoken with since May. Evidently, the nascar is coming back to DE next month, so is he. He want's to have dinner. I feel very awkward about this now and since I was 1/2 asleep texting last night I didn't bring it up. I need to say something. Not going to jeopardize what is going on with k and me, not worth it in my book....

Youngest ds is spending night at his friends, oldest is at work and suddenly I'm by myself again. I have more freedom now from the xh and kids than when I was with the xh since he would never take them anywhere. So what do I do with my newfound freedom tonight? I'm thinking mushy girly movie on couch, maybe a stroll by the river, or.....

well I guess you'll have to wait and see what I did. Right now I'm going to finish my turkey, swiss and tomato on whole grain and see what's going on in the world!!

Almost the weekend

And I am tired. I was falling asleep watching a movie with my son tonight. GAH

Tomorrow I have to take 1/2 day, have some personal business in the a.m. and I totally forgot to take off work. Too much work, too much stress....

Anyhow, I'm munching still, not bad munching, but munching none the less.
I've been enjoying our wonderful weather. It's hard to believe it's August
I'm glad tomrrow is Friday
I'm ready to see my guy....poor guy works way too much
I'm ready to spend some time with the boy before school starts Monday

I'm off to bed, I'm tired....and I feel yuck!

Bad Tuesday

And I found myself last night slipping into stressful eating habits. The good news is I hardly have anything bad in the house to eat, the bad news, I did find a few sweet treats which the sugar counts sent me dumping and to bed early. Resolve, to find other ways to deal with stress. Today is a new day and well I don't want to repeat that episode anytime soon. YUCK

It's hump day, let's celebrate it's all down here from here for the weekend.

Where have I been????

Long time gone again...I've been busy and I've made alot of strides along the way in therapy.

So where do I begin, well school starts next week for ds2, 8th grade. Lots of great things coming his way this year. Last year of middle school and we are trying to get him into his brother's high school (no easy feat I may say). DS1 starts college on the 3rd of Sept. I still can't believe I have a college student for a son!!

Therapy for me has been great, the x moved to FL about 3 weeks ago, currently I believe he is stuck in the middle of this hurricane....worse things could be happening in my life there. My new guy, K and I are doing great, slow but spending more and more time together. We are supposed to go on a boat ride down the Hudson Saturday then to see the man made waterfalls under the NYC bridges then back up, dinner overlooking the NYC skyline at sunset and well the rest will be history. It will be a great day if he can get off work....argh Did I tell you his right hand man screwed up yesterday and didn't show up for work, didn't call and now he's banned from OT the next two weekends. If this screws up our plans, well I'm not going to be a happy camper!

Work is busy, I'm finally getting help. We are interviewing now!! Yippee...I can't wait for this to happen to as it couldn't have come at a worse time for me as I'm almost in the middle of my busy season.

So life is moving along, it's almost the end of August, good god where did the summer go?

My life is great, I'm so happy, I've found myself, who I am, what I love and someone to share alot of it with right now. I couldn't be happier with myself even if I tried.

On the WLS front, I am approaching my 2 years mark, my weight is steady, my muscles are growing, I'm more active in my exercise thanks to my guy, he loves to exercise and I love that he urges me to be a better person in that sense. I've been walking 5 miles every day for over 2 weeks now, I'm back on my balance ball, I am also doing the elliptical at work 3x a week for 30 min. All I need are more weights in my routine and I would be pretty darn well rounded. When I saw the doc a few months back he told me it's all about me, and the quality of exercise I do and how I eat from here on out. I still feel too full when I eat too much, I still have adversions to sugar and white flour and most carbs (bad ones) but that is all good and keeps me and my life in check!!

I am the happiest I have been in years, maybe in my whole life. I really know what I want, how I want to be and I'm starting to make plans for my future. I'm living outside of the 2 week box that I had limited myself to for the last year. I would never make any plans that were over 2 weeks away, in fact I usually limited any plans to a bday party or some family gathering and everything else was a whim. I have a different attitude and how I want to live my life, what I want from it and want to do during it. I have alot of time to accomplish these goals and well I can't wait to get started. The first long term plan, to get in shape to do this triathlon next summer. I have approximately 9 months left to get ready, I don't know about the running yet, my ortho doc and I are working on it, so it might be a futile attempt for me to think about it, but there is a dualathlon also, which is biking and swimming, both of which I can do. I need to dust off my bike, get the tires changed and start riding it instead of the stationary one. There is also Bike to the Bay next Oct, as I could never be ready this year. 75 miles over two days, not sure if it's 75 a day or over two but it's alot further than I could ever imagine riding by this year. So I'm making plans, I'm really involving myself in a life again and I couldn't be happier.

Beautiful weekend

Got to spend the day yesterday with my K, he is wonderful. Makes my heart sing and my face smile. We have such a great time together it's scary...so many things discussed, shared...we laughed, cried and had a wonderful time together..

Life is beautiful!

It's Friday

Thank god it's almost over. Went out last night again, too late, too much going on and I was one tired camper today....I actually turned off the alarm this a.m. and went back to sleep. Thank god I woke up and checked the time as I was almost late! Work was long, it's over and I'm thankful.

Tonight I have a "me" night, nothing going on and I'm ready to pop in the movie and relax...truly relax. Tomorrow is date day, I can't wait....how many times will i say this..lol I can't wait...he is truly one amazing person and I'm glad that I found him or he found me...whichever

It's almost time for back to school to...where did this summer go? It has been excellent!!

Chesapeake river

What a better way to end the evening than to watch the sunset over the Chesapeake Bay. I was able to do this last night. While enjoying a yummy dinner and listening to some sweet music I was able to relax and kick back with the sun. It was a beautiful evening too, cool, low humidity and just a nice night out.

Of course that means no exercise. I really need to get some in this week, so I am planning a walk at lunch. My eating has been good but I just feel blah, I know, I know I need to exercise. You don't have to tell me this!

So today is stbxh birthday, I guess he's still on his bus ride to FL, he called pissy yesterday because our son is was not home to get his call. I'm sorry, he's out enjoying his summer vacation with his friends. I'm so glad he's gone, too good to be true, but alas yes he's gone.

This weekend is great for plans, I'm spending a great day with my sweetie on Sat. Of course he's on nights for the weekend so that stinks but the days are all mine!! SWEET

The weather is going to break tomorrow and I'm ready to enjoy....

D-day

Ok he's leaving, in approximately 1 hour. I'm so over the moon, this has been a very strange year to say the least and the sudden unexpected departure of the stbxh to FL. I hope he finds what he wants there. I'm not sure if he's coming home or not, but it is his life and he'll chose to do whatever. DS2 is going to the beach with his friend for the next few days so that will distract him from his father leaving. I am bracing for the weeks to come when he realizes as I am that I don't think his father is coming home again.

On the WLS front, well I've been having some issues....not sure if they are surgery related or just issues. I'm having horrible pee, really smelly...sorry TMI (but if anyone has anything to add on this!!) and I'm tired. My labs came back normal so I'mnot sure what that is all about. Maybe because I'm just overextending myself all around. I haven't just relaxed in a weekend day in quite a few weeks. It seems it's all or nothing with me anymore.

On my dating front, well I've found one I truly like. We are taking things really slow, almost painfully at some points. I really like him and he I. He works alot and well has quit one job already. We are making plans for a Sat day to do something, what I don't know I just told him to surprise me. I really am enjoying the company of him as we have so many things in common and he is totally understanding (or at least trying) about me and my surgery and the things that go along with it. Those of you who have had know what I am talking about..lol

Exercise, I'm walking almost 4 miles a day. I'm doing the AHA heart walk again this Sept. I need to set up my website today, reminding me to do so.... I am also still working my balance ball, it's really a great workout, but i think I want to try and find another dvd routine to mix it up a bit...I would like to do the Bike to the Bay also next fall, it's a 75 mile one trip to the beach on a bicycle for MS. I have my bike and have been riding but not enough to do this trip, plus I'm not sure my bike would make the ride! My guy is a rider so I'll be asking him soon for some tips and see what he thinks. Who knows maybe next year we can both do the ride!

My other son is getting ready for his first day of college! I still can't believe i have a child going to college. YIKES!

Ok I need to finish getting ready for work, everyone have a great one, I'm so behind on reading everyone's blog I love....soon

Tuesday ramblings

Today we get my youngest ready for yet another vacation this summer.

He's had the best summer this year traveling and just hanging out with his friends. I'm glad that I was able to provide that for him since it's the first since his father and I brokeup.

Weight is stable and I really enjoy the balance ball routines still, they are still challenging enough that I am not bored with it. Although this particular routine takes a bit more time than I am used to.

Food choices are good, carbs are low and natural fruits and veggies are high. I love summertime!!

Work is busy and I am trying not to let the stress of it all get to me....

Doc's office called and my labs are all good, although they did switch up my vitamins, guess they found some work just better than others for us bariatric patients. So the switch is in effect, I do not notice anything different so ok, that has been about 3-4 weeks now.

I did attend support this past month, first since April and that is always good, it makes me feel more centered and grounded. Yes, I do realize I am not the only person to have WLS but sometimes out there is the sea of people I deal with daily it's hard to remember this....

Ok off toget ready have a great one and I will try to be here more often.

It's been a while and things are puttering along

I'm really happy about the outcome of my therapy sessions. It has really put my life and mind in balance and back on track.

I'm back on track with eating and exercise. I just needed a little time and R&R from the stresses of life to get me back on track.

I have a new pic, got a nose piercing my latest crazy endeavour.



I am happy, have a great man in my life, although for a while I didn't think he was going to be there...and all is good in my world...