So where do I begin

Life has had it's ups and downs in the last few weeks. Alot of them up so I'm happy about that.

The boy is going to court Monday, we were able to secure a lawyer for a good fee so hopefully they will do their job and he'll come home smelling like roses. He was also accepted at a great college and is going to try out for football as a walk on. His hs coach has talked to the coach there, as they are friends, so any help would be great. He is almost finished school, May 16th, the same night is the senior prom and graduation is the 27th. I'm so excited, thrilled and scared and can't believe my baby is graduating...wow

The other boy is adjusting now great to the new life, it's almost been 7 months....wow is all I can say, he is developing into a fine young man, of course he still throws his father's attitude at me time to time, but it's getting less and less. The bonus, both boys are making an attempt to get along with my guy, I'm so happy I could spit, what an awful expression that is.....

My guy, he's the best, been through some very scary times himself, I walked out of his life around 2 weeks ago and I guess he figured it out, he wants me there, so we are working towards this. It's so good, I can't believe I'm so happy and I have him to thank for that. He had a colonoscopy done this week, thank god it came back benign, he is getting a new job, starts May1st which will put him closer to me workwise. He took me to see Def Leppard in Reading, PA at the beginning of the month, we had a glorious weekend together and the beginning of something really special. We are both gunshy when it comes to this relationship, me just ending one and walking the hot coals of dispair, him being single for quite a while and well just not finding someone special enough to share his life with, it was quite an eye opening experience for both of us the day I walked out instead of getting into a fight about nonsense.

I go to the doc for my 18 month appointment in May, I can't believe I am almost 18 months out, 120 lb down and well for the first time in my life realizing everyday now when I wake up that this is real, I don't have the OMG, I'm going to be fat again when I look in the mirror when I first wake up anymore feelings, I'm back at the therapist, and well that's probably the best move I made in my life in a long time.

Work is well, busy, actually insane at times, but I love my job and the excitement it brings. My new boss is very excited with the me and the work I am able to perform on a monthly basis. He has hooked us up with George Michael tix for July second row, I know, I know, you think George Michael, but I love him always have.....he also got us great tix to see the Eagles vs Bears in Chicago in Sept......got to love that man!!!

WLS, wow where do I begin, I'm wearing skirts, dresses and the people I work with are always commenting on how nice I look, I'm really starting to think about myself more and more, my appearance, how I look midway through the day, things that I just let go before. I must have lived under the ugly rock for so long because I can't remember the last time I really cared what I looked like 1/2 way through the day. I am enjoying this, I still get sick on too many carbs, too many sweets, and too much food. I've had my days of overeating that just created the lump in my stomach or should I say the foamies in my mouth the feeling of utmost digust that I resorted to food for comfort when i was stressing. It's so hard somedays to break out of the fat girl way of thinking but I've come along way and I'm not giving up on myself at all. I'm still doing yoga, really intense forms of it now too, I'm probably the most limber I have ever been in my entire life. I also am doing lots of walking and my weights as well. The number on the scale fluctuates between the same five lbs so I'm very pleased. Size 6 and 8 make up the most of my wardrobe and I am very excited to create a full summer wardrobe this year. I'm still working on my plastics and hope to have them before summer is out. I wish I could have it sooner but it's just not going to happen.

Spring is here, summer on the way, windows are open, my grass is cut, car is washed and I'm a happy girl.....

Thanks to all who welcomed me back, i've had no time to catch up on reading but I will and I can't wait to see how everyone is.....

leave a comment, just say hi, thanks for being out there

Let the research begin

So I did alot of research today online and through others close by who have had wls and reconstructive surgeries also and wow there is alot of information out there. The best thing I found was a website that is going to enable me to finance a portion of this reconstruction since usually and typically the insurance won't pay for a cosmetic surgery. So I've enrolled with them and am waiting till Friday to see how much they are going to finance. The best part is the doctor who is close by and has come to support group meetings to talk to us about ps' in the past is the doctor that I will see because he works in conjunction with this particular finance company. I am very, very jazzed by that whole thing because 1) I've met this doctor, albeit informal but have spoken with him one on one before and 2) he comes highly recommended not only by my weight loss surgeon but also my primary care doctor. Score one big 10 for me today on that one.

So now I wait and once I hear what I need to come up with, maybe as little as $100, then they will make my consult appointment and the ball will be rolling. I'm very excited.

On a different note, last night I was reviewing some pics for sister in Greece from her visit last summer, I'm only 20 lb less now, but wow what a difference I saw in my body from the yoga, weight and workouts...the difference was amazing and even I could see it. Makes a lot of sense and some positive reinforcement to keep working out even when I dont' want to....which I will be doing shortly after I get off here.

Oh and here's the best for last, I found a website.....myfreeimplants.com ok click over and check it out. It's where girls go and solicit help from guys to get their implants paid for....prostitution 101 is what I made that out to be, they are selling pics of themselves to guys who will pay them $$ to put in an account to get a breast implants. All they deal with is breast implants. I guess if you are one who has no care what you do for money then I say go for it, me I guess I'm just too old and well I have another plan in mind for myself...

It's snowing again today and of course Friday is a date night with my man, he's supposed to take me out on the town in Philadelphia and what is the weather calling for ICE!! can you frikkin believe it....I hope mother nature changes her tune between now and then....

The Journey, Part 2

I have stabilized on my weight loss, I currently weight in anywhere from 135-140 depending on the day and the time i weigh in. I think for the most part I'm done with weight loss...so now I'm starting to think about plastics.

When I first started this journey I know deep down in my heart I always thought I would be so grateful to just lose the weight and well I didn't care if I had plastics or not, leaning towards more the not having them done.

Well alot has changed both mentally, physically and emotionally for me in this journey. I am closing the book so much as far as expected weight loss as if I lost anymore I would be too thin according to BMI, but I am not closing this blog it is simply progressing into the next phase of what I want to do with my whole body transformation.

Now this may get a little graphic for some but it is my blog and I need to get it out, down on paper and rationalize the whole thing so i can see it. I want plastics, at least a breast augmentation....do i want implants, well I don't think so but I have a consult with a ps to discuss the options and so that I can chose what is best for me. Do I want a tummy tuck, sure I would love one, do I want a LBL? No, not really, I don't have the excess skin so much in the back it's simply the flab on the front that is most bothersome to me. Do I want my arms and thighs done, sure but will I probably not....

Having said all this the boobs are first and foremost in my mind. I spent last summer wearing a bathing suit for the first time in years, and of course I spent my whole time in self conscious of my girls swaying like an old lady pendulums at my waist. It's embarrasing and well you can imagine how I feel without a bathing suit on.....utter disgust. Now mind you it's not the same as the disgust I used to have over the way my body looked before, but the whole fat loss has left my breasts, formerly 44DDD a deflated 34D and that is on a good day and saved by Body by Victoria bras....Of course they make me look hot with the bra on but you can't wear the bra everywhere and really I just have a mass of skin with no shape shoved in there to make it look nice...the perk with a shirt I look hot, without the bra, old lady sag....

So I'm starting to really think through what I want to do moving forward and well I think I've changed my mind about plastics!