Tuesday, April 21, 2009


That is how I have been feeling lately in my work pants. The band is tight and the scale has not budged...so WTF is going on!!! I'm exasperated, also constipated, so I positive this has something to do with it, but seriously folks, I look like I'm newly pg. GAH even the written word of that made me shudder.

So I have been taking things, to try and force the bowel movement, the one I NEED so desparately and then to see what the hell I need to do to get the waist going the right way! Which obviously right now is not happening. I have been doing my yoga religiously 3 or 4 times a week, I've added back in the weights portion of workouts on opposite days and the stupid stomach crunches on the ball! I'm weak in my right arm after the disaster (I mean) fall I took in Dec. My right wrist was actually cracked almost in two and I let it heal that way so the doc said let's leave it...me I'm not happy that I am having troubles lifting a 10lb weight with it. Geez I am glad I am not at the gym where everyone would see the girl struggling to hold the stupid dumbbell.....

I have been journaling my eating too. I'm not kidding I'm sick of this pudge or tire around my middle, I mean c'mon this winter was cold but I was not THAT inactive! I know something needs to change and quick...of course that is better said than done at this point of the game. I just do not want to see the scale start creeping up. I have had two nightmares in the past few weeks about this also. I've actually jumped up out of bed and had to run to the mirror in the middle of the night to make sure I did not gain weight (Otherwise known as my former self) how pathetic is that! My heart would be racing and once I even had sweat on my brow. I think I'm truly loosing it! If I am not, I should be. I think that since losing, I've developed this sort of adversity to gain and fat people. How sad is that, I was one of them for most of my adult life, I'm no beauty queen, skinny mini or rockstar but I have worked so hard to get to where I am, I'm terrified (especially when I read of those who returned) of being FAT again!

Ok, there I've said it, it's out. Do I feel better, NO. I will probably have the nightmare again tonight!

I've also done a stellar job of staying away from the booze, no easy feat when you are out in the public with drinks so readily (and being peddled) to you at every turn. I mean, c'mon what is wrong with society, there was actually a few times in SA when they were appalled I did NOT order a cocktail, um it's 8am I want coffee! Plus work, I mean I surrounded by lots of favorites each day, it's so easy to go in the back and get a bottle to take home. So anyhow back to me, yes, I've been good, I need to learn how to moderate, which is something I was getting away from horribly, but it's seems to be in control for now, we'll see how long this lasts..lol

I am 29 months out from surgery this month, actually as of yesterday. I've maintained the weight loss that I have achieved, no easy feat in itself, but man those demons are rearing their ugly heads....

1 comment:

A Blog In The Rough said...

I understand your pain! I have said this before to other WLS people that it was a LOT easier just being fat and not caring about weight than it is now where all I ever do is worry I'm going to gain again or not lose anymore. Can be quite frustrating!
We all gotta hang in there and beat it somehow...I'll letcha know when I figure out the secret :)