Friday, March 13, 2009

Have you ever felt.................

so alone after surgery. Tonight, actually today it struck me, I have not felt the same way about myself or the way others have reacted to me since the surgery. It was almost surreal.. I guess it was my awakening...I've done the surgery, lost the weight, maintained for a year and now they are accepting me into their society. Ok, first I never wanted acceptance in your society, I always thought I was in there....and two..well yeah I have lost alot of weight but I thought that with that I would be a better person. I am not always getting the feeling that this is a true statement. I am true to myself, first and always. I always speak my mind, which in some instances have been embarrassing. But I just don't always feel like I am truly a part of the society I live in, maybe it's time to start something new or different, or maybe I just need to get to the shrink and work this out with her. I don't know but the feeling of disconnect is simmering under my surface right now.

Ok on a side note the grumbling, with another court ordered supeona(spellling here??) anyhow I don't know if I'm good or not but it has dashed my hopes (lawyer wise and their large fees) with a trip to Dallas and this all came after I thought I would be good to go....I AM PISSED AT THE EX ok I'm going to stop before this get's too out of hand. But what a way to start my weekend...thanks jerko!

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