This is where I need to be...

No matter where I am in my life, this where I need to be... I am a person who needs to put down in words what is going on in my life...I am slow at realizing this is the truth...so here is what is going on...

Last week, not so good, I had a few days of feeling ill, then Wed, I made the doctor appt before that I had racing heart and some anxiety, well it comes to be that I had a mild heart attack,  I am coping with this illness, not so well, but it is my life now.. Thank goodness I gave notice to my second job, relieve a bit of stress.  We went and saw some awesome apts today, so application will be put in and hopefully I will get to move in the next month.  My life is topsy turvy at best but the whole heart attack thing has got me on a pause.  I did WAY too much yesterday, came home, slept and then was so shaky.  Not sure how I will manage the eight hours tomorrow but I will put my best foot forward as always....

I am scared, I have never had anything so severe happen to me in my life, I have one son who is 100% reliant on me and I can't bear the thought of not being there for him, yet alone leaving my oldest.  I don't know where my future leads, but it's hard.  The bypass has left me with them saying I don't eat enough...I have lost 18lbs since May when I say my family doc last, its scary, but I again don't know what else to do, I am trying my best each and every day, but it seems not enough.....  so yes this is my release to put it all out there.

On a brighter note, James, a dear friend and maybe you can consider bf has been wonderful, three jobs he has and he has been there for me more than once this week, he is my rock....I just feel like I need something to hold on to....silly, stupid but is how I feel right now...I have my best girl,  she knows who she is, but the many miles put us in position to not spend quality time, I love her no less just wish we were closer.  My life is a puzzle, each day reveals a new piece, not sure I always to play....