Weekend and a start of a trying week

The weekend was good when I finally got moving in a forward destination. My plane was delayed 3 1/2 hours on Friday which led to a dinner cancellation and one very tired and worn out girl upon arrival. Luckily we found Chili's open and had a quick bite to eat at 11:30 pm, I was exhausted. I slept in on Saturday morning as we were only venturing down to Fort Worth for the day, so it was a lazy get ready when I feel like moving type of day. We had fun, although a huge thunderstorm came rolling in while we were there. That night we were able to get our dinner in and it was delicious!!!

Also, I got a chance to go to a new grocery store, Central Market. Oh how I wish there were some of these up here! I was like a kid in a candy store in there, it was absolutely amazing. I can't wait for my next trip down to visit again!!

Came home on time but to be awoken early in the morning on Monday with a mind bending migraine. I believe this is my third that has required me out of work for a day so the next one will require a call to the doctor for a med check on that one. Back to work today and a not so friendly visit to court to followup on my petition for full custody, it was a good news/bad news type of day. Good news - custody awarded Bad news - all back child support owed was dropped FOREVER! I knew not to count on it but geez.

So the ex came up for this grand event, he agreed in front of the judge to relinquish all rights, what type of person does this and the better question at this point is how could I have ever been married to this type of person. It makes me sad to realize that I never really knew what he was capable of. Amazingly so, it's a relief to be rid of him once and for all.....so another emotional trying day and a new beginning again for me.

I think this will be last till I return....

I am leaving Friday afternoon, flying to the land of the unknown (TX) ok ha ha, so the swine flu is deep there and I don't want to be ha ha after I return so wish me well. There is alot on our agenda this weekend. I believe there is a turning point based on a few items that were stated last weekend, where and how does that make me feel or leave me, well unsure. So, with the premise of this being a great suprise weekend of celebrating two birthdays it may turn into something else entirely. Let's just say I hope that is not the case. Anyhow there have been quite a few past bf's calling/texting/emailing lately. Ok the stars are aligned and the writing is on the wall people but geez, are these my fair weather friends or is there something more there. I can't think of any of them other than friends at this point so we'll see. Of course there is ONE, the ONE who stole my heart and made me feel like no one else last year, we had a nice long chat tonight again. This time it went into forbidden ground, it was time to go there (we've been talking platonically for a few weeks) and well there are now a lot more unresolved things between us, ok is there an us, because I'm not sure, but anyhow the soap world of my life continues. Some days I love the attention (because god knows I never got it before) but I totally relate to the popular, pretty girl now, it's not always a good time either....so lesson learned fat or small life isn't always what you want it to be!!!!!

Went out with my girls last night, oh what fun and they make me laugh so much....of course they always try to turn the focus of conversation on my life, but I killed that quickly....and yes I still love them all and we had a blast!!!

Tomorrow is packing, laundry and I am dont' even know what we are doing this weekend packing....ok did I say I have to pack, because geez without knowing what is going on (it's a surprise now for me) I have no friggin clue what to pack.....

So lovelies out there and of course the gents I will see you Monday, maybe Tuesday...enjoy this weekend as I am sure I will no matter what!!!!

Tuesdays

Boy it's been a few days since I've been here, the weekend was glorious although we hopped right into summer with 90+ degree weather since Friday! I'm not complaining and was able to get quite a lot done at the home and still have fun and play. Sunday night M and I went on a date, what a disaster that was. I'm sure that will not be repeated. Friday I fly out again, can't wait and we have a bday celebration weekend planned. Suprises in store for him!

I'm exercising again steadily, I'm very excited about that. Also, eating is going well, grazing is being cut back to a minimum and keep the junk at bay. Spring and summer I find this to be easy to do and winter (well not so much).

I have alot to finish for today to leave on time, hopefully tonight I'll be back with more

Can you spell R-E-L-I-E-F

I can and it wasn't the most convention or practical way of happening. I had murmurred in the office to a few of my gal pals that I was having issues in this area. Well next thing I know I am being whisked away to the tasting room, they had made me a yummy concoction of some things I love and some I don't care for so much. So being the wonderful place where I work, I got some samples if you will. They were all so delicious and I was official taste tester of some of our newest drink menu items today :) Anyhow, about a hour or so later, viola....JACKPOT!!! My girls do know how to get the goods moving when things need moving. I feel like I weigh 15 lb less, that is how bad it was....so kudos to my girls at work for once again hooking me up with a sure thing!!! Oh and the new drinks....they are the bomb!!! lol

UGH

Can I say this, I still feel horrible....I am trying all forms of help and nothing so far is helping.

I'm starting to think drastic measures are in store for me!!!

I have a horrible rumbling in my tummy and it is ending there...I will spare you all my gruesome adventures...wish me well...I need some relief!

and NOW!!!

Uncomfortable

That is how I have been feeling lately in my work pants. The band is tight and the scale has not budged...so WTF is going on!!! I'm exasperated, also constipated, so I positive this has something to do with it, but seriously folks, I look like I'm newly pg. GAH even the written word of that made me shudder.

So I have been taking things, to try and force the bowel movement, the one I NEED so desparately and then to see what the hell I need to do to get the waist going the right way! Which obviously right now is not happening. I have been doing my yoga religiously 3 or 4 times a week, I've added back in the weights portion of workouts on opposite days and the stupid stomach crunches on the ball! I'm weak in my right arm after the disaster (I mean) fall I took in Dec. My right wrist was actually cracked almost in two and I let it heal that way so the doc said let's leave it...me I'm not happy that I am having troubles lifting a 10lb weight with it. Geez I am glad I am not at the gym where everyone would see the girl struggling to hold the stupid dumbbell.....

I have been journaling my eating too. I'm not kidding I'm sick of this pudge or tire around my middle, I mean c'mon this winter was cold but I was not THAT inactive! I know something needs to change and quick...of course that is better said than done at this point of the game. I just do not want to see the scale start creeping up. I have had two nightmares in the past few weeks about this also. I've actually jumped up out of bed and had to run to the mirror in the middle of the night to make sure I did not gain weight (Otherwise known as my former self) how pathetic is that! My heart would be racing and once I even had sweat on my brow. I think I'm truly loosing it! If I am not, I should be. I think that since losing, I've developed this sort of adversity to gain and fat people. How sad is that, I was one of them for most of my adult life, I'm no beauty queen, skinny mini or rockstar but I have worked so hard to get to where I am, I'm terrified (especially when I read of those who returned) of being FAT again!

Ok, there I've said it, it's out. Do I feel better, NO. I will probably have the nightmare again tonight!

I've also done a stellar job of staying away from the booze, no easy feat when you are out in the public with drinks so readily (and being peddled) to you at every turn. I mean, c'mon what is wrong with society, there was actually a few times in SA when they were appalled I did NOT order a cocktail, um it's 8am I want coffee! Plus work, I mean I surrounded by lots of favorites each day, it's so easy to go in the back and get a bottle to take home. So anyhow back to me, yes, I've been good, I need to learn how to moderate, which is something I was getting away from horribly, but it's seems to be in control for now, we'll see how long this lasts..lol

I am 29 months out from surgery this month, actually as of yesterday. I've maintained the weight loss that I have achieved, no easy feat in itself, but man those demons are rearing their ugly heads....

A great weekend

Spent the weekend down at the beach....yes with no regard for my eating, but pleasantly (and obviously still surprised) when the scale reports no gain.

Here are a few snaps, it's was almost 80 and well the wind cooperated being off the land not the ocean, so it was glorious! Here is the youngest and his gf.....nice kids! lol

Yes, people ventured out onto the beach, in fact the beach was packed with sunbathers, and a few brave ones got into the water, I bet it's about 50 degrees....brrr

As for me, well shorts and a tshirt were fine for the weather, I did get quite a bit sun and of course was not thinking about it, so I am red...

Today, rain and chilly back in the 50's......

no regard

I will have to say that I have no regard to my GBS this weekend. I have eaten what I want when I want. The results. Well for me the eating is not too good, I can not eat what I want after GBS... I am one of those who dump at the slightest bit of higher sugars. In a way that is a wonderful thing. On the flip side...I can drink, as in alcholic beverages whatever I want... No matter how sugary sweet they are fine....WTF is all I can say. I have made my life of well let's say he finest boubons, scotches and irish whiskies, because hey that is what I love....and they are fine with me....but more than fine, they are way to fine and easy to go in an stay down. So no more beers (alseep 3 sips) and well I am not much of a vodka or fluffy drinker so.....I guess what I love is there. Can I say it's the best for me. Ok, I am sure the answer is NOT!!! and a resounding NO at that but it works, it's me and beyond the fabulous seafood dinner I had before leaving the beach it's all me!!! lol

another busy weekend

The weekends are starting to feel like my weeks. Being the good daughter I am, we (me and son and gf) went down to the shore on Friday night after I got some things done here at home. I cut the grass,we had dinner and off we went. Sat, a fun filled day of removing branches from four big trees that were cut down, followed but a much more fun at the shore with the kids roaming the shops while I sat out in the sun. Well what I didnt' realize is the sun was pretty strong that day, so I was pretty well toasted, considering I'm fair skinned. I had a good time, listening to the waves lap at the shore then the long ok so long drive home. The kids watched a movie and Matt and I met up originally for Ritas...but ended up having Vinnies pizza....it was a short date, but damn he's hot....lol ok enough of that..

I am off to surprise S on the 1st of May, a big surprise I'm flying down for ourbirthday's since they are only a week apart, and well I didn't feel right leaving the kids on mother's day weekend, even though they leave me all the time now :( The part of them getting older that I am not quite getting used to anyhow....I am excited and wondering what our future holds for us. We've been talking a bit about and maybe there will be changes for me....who knows. I do like him alot and it's been like forever, I wathnt to find the one who will give me the happily forever after...I hope that maybe he is it......and we are just living in different states. we'll see.

Anyhow, the weekend is over, rain is back and cold weather, I for one hate the northeast and how the weather changes so quick from nice to blah....so......don't say I didn't tell you so if you visit this time of year!

Birthdays and other assorted things

This weekend we are beach bound, the boy, dog and myself. I can't wait, the weather has broken and it's going to be an excellent weekend to hang at the shore.

Two weeks from tonight I will be celebrating some bday's with my guy. So the cards are starting to fall, we are really happy together and there is talk of me moving!! YIKES!!! TX is a big state when I live in the second smallest...

I got my first pedicure of the season....gosh my toes feel like heaven on earth!! lol

The boy is bringing a gf to the beach!! geez my baby is growing up...yes this is the youngest.

I am busy at work, and they are hinting around to see if I will be leaving soon? I guess all the trips to TX are adding up to a move for me, well that may be true, I'll know more after the next trip. While I love my life here it is stagnant....devoid of meaning and depth so maybe it will happen, who knows.

I have had a few dates up here but each time I go out I feel guilty, because I want it to be S...so I guess what Janine said is true...when am I moving to TX...lol I guess only time will tell...

Until then I am going to enjoy the weekend and have a drink with my new neighbor....and then off to the beach we are tomorrow!!

Enjoy

Friday

The weekend is here the weather is breaking and getting warmer! I have tons of yard work to get to this weekend but also want to get to the shore for a few hours or overnight if my mom is going to be down there. I am glad I made it through another winter (brrrr) and things are looking up.

I am going to have a low key visit this time, just hanging out and celebrating our birthday's. I'm glad I am able to pull it off although it isn't quite the surprise I had intended...so now my next trick is to get something else to be a suprise...more to come on that one!

Work is crazy busy, as usual. I am growing my dept by leaps and bounds each week and we are becoming, well more efficient I guess would be a good description of it! We have a new girl in our group and she is great, amazing that she is able to accomplish what the other did andway more without any complaining..lol

So I'm off to get ready for work and enjoy yet another pretty day!

Thursday

I am musing....next month is both S and mine birthday....I was trying to find a great way to go down there and suprise him, but I could not think of any....so I made some plans (held my breath) and yes there were welcomed with open arms...we will spend the days between our bdays together!!! Do you see what I see????

Ok so I putting this out there....

I am traveling.....


alot this year....and mostly to TX so if I am in your neighborhood, I would so love to meet you in real life.....

Tell me what you think or if you live there.....

The longest week of my life.

Gah....it's about how I feel right now...work - too busy

life - too busy

me - too tired

anyhow...more pics from the trip a few ....

and who wouldn't want to have coffee and view this every morning!!!

Another wonderful weekend

What can I say, I love to travel see the new sites and absorb all that is out there for me. We had a fantastic weekend. More than fantastic but I just cannot sum up the words to make it all real. I did so much, aquarium/museum of art (king tut exhibit) in dallas then off to San Antonio. We stayed in the heart of the riverwalk area.. beautiful is beyond my wildest expectations. When I first stepped out onto the riverwalk and took it all in it literally took my breath away. I have always heard it is one of the most beautiful spots to visit in the US but this is truly one of the most beautiful spots I have ever seen. We had great food, met alot of great people and had a great time. Of course as always it came to a quick end and our next excursion is stated, San Francisco/Napa Valley, the plans are in the works but nothing is definite yet. We both agreed with his mom being sick we would nix our Paris plans for our

bday till next year just in case. So we leave you with a few shots of SA it was wonderful.....

There is more out to there to see.....just ask.....

I'm home

I'm tired, it was so much fun and yes I have to work in like 6 hours so good night and there are lots of pictures to share, of course if you are my facebook friend you will see more than what I publish here!!

Bad blogger and the long weekend

I have been so busy no time to blog. Even though we were let out early from work after all the last minute errands that had to be done I didn't pull in the drive until 8:30 and still had all the packing and organizing to do. The plane leaves in 2 hours and I have to finish getting ready and up to the airport. I am very, very excited to go see S....after flying into Dallas, he and I will be driving down to San Antonio tomorrow for the weekend. Sea World, the Riverwalk, the Alamo - here I come. I have my camera charged and ready to go! See everyone next week I am back late Tuesday night!!

Happy Easter, Passover or whatever you are celebrating this long weekend!

Enjoy

How a song can bring on thousand memories.....

I was listening to the radio tonight as I blogged. My usual, but a Chris Cornell song came on and it always floods me with a thousand memories of when my marriage starting going on the rocks, there was another man, although I would NEVER allow myself or him the knowledge that I was stirred by his affection or just the plain old fact that he paid attention to me. Of course this all came years pre-op. I was a girl, just a plain old girl at 300 lb who was invisible to the masses in general. She trolled through the days at work and the nights at the stores or whereever she roamed and no one really ever paid any attention to her. Sure she did a great job at work and took care of her boys and her then husband, but things were not always great. It's no big suprise that this divorce become an official document and that she wound up being a single mom....but a wow still to this day how one song can bring on a thousand memories of a time..........



Long forgotten!

The week is escaping me...........

we are so busy at work, it's not even within my scope of reason right now. Should I complain!! NO never because I have a great job, secure and busy. But sometimes I really feel like it drains me completely....



I have a full weekend of travel and then more travel with S this weekend. I am looking forward to this more than anything I have in a few weeks. Ok, so since he's been here. I am starting to figure out that this long distance relationship is allowing me the freedom to be me and then be "us" and I like the "us" when we are together. We really do click, we have such fun and enjoy each other's company 100% and then some. It is amazing to me that he isn't sick and tired of me and how I can be or whatever...but it's great and I am totally enjoying it. So Friday this week, which is approaching quickly, is a big travel day with a bit of down time once I get there.

On the exercise, I've been diligent, and getting some form in every day. I have even managed to drop about 5 lb....I did weigh, which I rarely do anymore, but I was feeling a bit snug in the waist of the jeans I wore this weekend, so I cut out lots and lots of carbs that I have figured out I was consuming and viola....the lbs are melting away...It still amazes me that I just have to be diligent and watch what I eat, because I truly do not get enough at any sitting for me to overeat, but a few wrong choices and bam!!

I know I wrote the other day that sometimes I feel like I am not living my life, but what I have become to realize that my life is not the same as it once was. I was stuck in the rut of thinking that things should be a certain way and me, I'm not like that so...when I started making those subtle changes, as they built I found that I was living my life, of course it's not the same life as I was used to but the one that is ME...I found this in hindsight to be profound. It still amazes me that I am developing into my personality, the ME, not the We or the US although there is nothing wrong with this, but it just isn't who I am at the current moment. I smiled too because this means, I'm there....I am at the place where I love and respect me enough to start sharing that with others....oh and I am so glad...

Wii

The boys have been requesting lately that I purchase yet another game system, the Wii. While I would love to have the Wii fit, I will secretly never tell them this. So my oldest approached me once again, via text message. I would love to have the Wii and get a Wii Fit, mom I know you would love to use it also. So I did some careful research on the net today, and while, yes I would love to have a Wii, I'm not ready to shell the out the cash investment for yet another game system in this house. Will I really love the Wii Fit as everyone raves, I do love to workout, do the yoga and get my body in whatever shape it feels is best! But seriously, we have quite a few game systems now! Probably everyone on the market! So I made my son a proposition, if I buy the Wii, he has the purchase at the same time and place the Wii fit, that way they will get their system and I get my Wii fit!! ingenous, probably not, but now he has to think about it! lol

This weekend and next....

So this weekend was way productive. I did manage to get to the shore on Sat...it was a beautiful day there regardless that it was windy. It seemed that the wind was blocked on the beach by the buildings so that in itself was an amazing thing!

I just don't think I could have had a better day there. Of course yesterday was even better and I took advantage to get alot of work done in my yard along with all the other chores I get done on the weekends!! Wash, grocery shopping, yard work, grass is cut, some beautiful (hearty) flowers are planted as we not out of the freeze danger just yet!! and I did manage to clean the house. I am traveling this coming up weekend, back to TX and my sweetie down there. I really miss him alot and he informed me tonight we are going to San Antonio for sure and visiting the riverwalk and Sea World...I am very excited!! What more could I possibly want for a great long weekend with him!! I just hope the weather holds out for all our fun!

So this week is really alot to do at work and home to get ready for the trip..sometimes at this point in my life I feel like I live someone elses life and it's surreal but I am definitely enjoying each piece of my life and what there is for me and all I offer to others. I have had some really scary recurring dreams though lately that I am fat again, that people are telling me, your fat no one wants you...I wake up all crazy thinking it's not really happening is it!! No, I know it is not but WOW that is something I never thought I would experience!

So tonight, we are off to watch a movie, ds2 and I...I want to get in as much time with them this week since I'm off this weekend!!

Enjoy

Saturday

I spent today at the shore, I drove down this a.m. after dropping off my son for his field trip to Philly. It was glorious but a bit windy. Temps probably 65 - 70 but geez the wind at some times was gusting up to 40 mph. I had a great day, I got a coffee and got some great pics (which I will post soon) on the beach walked up and down one time, then did some light shopping taking advantage of the 75% off from last years fashions...and got ds2 some caramel popcorn before my ride home. Upon returning home I offered to take gf and ds2 to the movies and we saw The Knowing. Not bad, not the greatest movie we've seen but not the worst either. It was nice to be out with the kids..

DS2 is dealing once again with some emotional issues. I wish I could help him through it, we sat and had a long talk tonight, but I know there is more to it than what he is sharing and it kills me. I hear the sadness in his voice but don't know how to help him. Lots of hugs and love is what I am currently giving, hopefully today was just a little bit of a down day for him, it worries me :(

I am back on track with my exercise big time, I'm so proud of myself and the inspirations out there...it's nice to read about their accomplishments and I too want to be someone like that! I did get in the pool last night and did some laps, not as many as I used to do, but hey it's a start right!!

I'm glad spring is here and well tomorrow is supposed to be a better day weather wise than today!! yeah

A whole week?

WOW I did not realize it's been a whole week since I've been here. Life has been busy, I sold my dead truck to a young boy who I would only assume is in fix it mode, it helped me out alot to get back some of the money I put into it and it was better than sending to the junkyard. I am getting ready for my next excursion to TX, I leave Friday morning, early!! We are traveling to San Antonio where I will get to also meet a cyber friend! and see the Alamo. I've heard that San Antonio is beautiful.

The weather here has been crazy, hot and sunny then chillier and rainy. We had a huge line of tstorms crawl through yesterday then pop out comes the sun, got to love spring!!

My youngest is attending a "Stop the Violence" conference in Philly today, they are going to a 76's game also and getting to meet some of the players so that is very cool for him, me I'm just going to hang out,though about going to the beach for the day and I may still, but it's very windy....so we'll see!!

The weekends are so fast

Tonight the oldest boy and I are back on track and accountability to each other to get back at the gym. It is a must as I have been feeling flabby. I will continue to do my yoga but I need cardio and weights back in my routine. I am getting soft! I would like to see about swimming or pool aerobics also. I read other blogs and they do it and say that it helps alot, I don't know if my gym offers it but it would be nice. I definitely need a workout buddy to make me accountable to get my butt down there.

Also, my youngest son is going to his first concert. I purchased the tickets yesterday. I know he is over the moon (at 14) and will be seeing a few bands he likes, also bands that mom likes too so it will be a great experience for us. My dad took me to my first concert when I was in 8th grade, so I guess in a way I am continuing this tradition if you want to look at it that way. So in May he will experience his first concert!

I need to journal a bit more on my foods I have decided too (at least for a while) I notice that when the boys have chips or something I'm grabbing a few here and there and well I am starting to notice the bad habits sneaking back into my life, need to nix them before they start up in full force again.

Went to Kohls and Plato's yesterday, got some great clothes the boy and me. 6 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts and I only spent 80 bucks total. You can't beat that plus they are all name brands and in great shape. Also, got cute summer shoes at Kohl's and the boy got a new pair of sneaks, we spent almost that much just on those two items there!! But it was needed. I know he is happy and has new kix as he says. lol I say we had a great day and scored some major deals though!

Off to work, I'm late and procrastinating today, as I am sleepy and don't want to get ready but if I want to travel this year I need to get my butt in gear!!

He's on his way home already

The only flight to get him back home early enough in the day left now. We had a great time in NYC, barely any rain so that was wonderful. I bet I walked a million miles. Ok, maybe not a million but quite alot. Wore my comfy shoes and it was wonderful. Today I'm taking the boy to Kohls and Plato's we are getting clothes. I love Plato's myself, it is a resell shop for higher end clothing for teens. Since I ripped one of my two pairs of jeans a few weeks back, I'm anxious to add to my one remaining pair!! lol

It's still cloudy and rainy here, but we were in such deficit of rain so far this year it is much needed. I am getting clothes done and want to check out the YMCA and see what the class schedule is like right now. I'm ready to get back into some formal exercise. I am meeting a friend for lunch who is passing through town on his way home today and just general things. I hope the sun comes out as promised and we do get up in the 60's later so I can walk!!!

The weekends are the best time of the week...

S and I had dinner last night, I came home and need to get my butt moving here shortly. Today is ds2 last day of bowling so I am taking him up there. Then up to my mom's and S and I are driving up to NYC we decided we will brave the possibility of raindrops and do some siteseeing then dinner and back home.

I am enjoying my new car, while waiting for the youngest's gf to come over last night we found out they were in an accident, it was horrible and we waited an 1 1/2 for them to drop her off due to the police taking their time to get there. Anyhow, I was one sleepy girl and late of course for my dinner with S, so our night got cut off short :( I have my plans an am flying down there for a long Easter weekend and we are going to San Antonio, I love that I am getting to do some traveling and seeing places I have never before, it is really great.

I am back on track with exercise, 4 nights this week....and I am very pleased with this. My jeans are getting a little loose too, so I am refirming up my body. I can't believe I let it go over the winter. So that is definitely a check to myself keep up on the exercise even when you DO NOT feel like doing it. I am going to get my butt back at the YMCA also, I haven't been since my hernia surgery. I was almost wondering if the workouts I used to do contributed to the hernia? I guess I will never truly know, anyhow I want to get my body and mind back on track and I am doing it one day at a time...

Enjoy the weekend I will

New thoughts

Ok I just realized...S is coming in for a visit tomorrow and I am going to be quite busy all weekend...lol yes this whole long distance thing is really working out alot better than I thought it would....pics of the new car and me, coming....it's rainy and miserable here right now, tomorrow sunny and nice and I WILL have the sunroof open...lol So I realize I really do have alot of decisions that are around me, there is my friend the mechanic, M, he is has indicated he wants more, I can't see that, then there is R my neighbor, he's ok but in the long run, I'm not sure....then there is S in TX he is fun and we have fun and yes I'm totally drawn to him....so if I had to chose today...it's S


I will all let you know how the weekend goes, he's in at 1pm tomorrow my time.....

I got a car!!!

Could I be more ecstatic...NO

I'm so excited to have wheels that move again...yeah!!!

Off to get my plane reservations made as I am leaving on a jet soon again!!

More tomorrow.

How do you feel when.......

you feel like everything is happening at once.. Ok that was my day today! I am over today....but tomorrow is a new day!

Friday is the best day this week as S is coming in to visit.

Plannin on a vacation with the boys this summer.

I enjoyed my cruise so much I want to share some great memories with my boys now!!!

I'm tired, yoga is done, no walking, eating ok better than ok and no drinks in quite a few days so I am back on track!!

I have more but that will wait as tonight I'm tired!!!

Ok, so I skipped a day

Today was the first in 5 that I skipped my yoga and walking. I was exhausted when I got home from work and threw together a healthy dinner and relaxed a bit and said ....NO. So I will get back on track tomorrow. But seriously I don't feel I'm off track, a day off is ok now and again just not too many in row!

So tomorrow I am a serious car buyer, the check is in hand and I'm ready to shop, c'mon to me some great new,used car....god I hope I pick the right one...lol

My sweetie from TX is coming to visit this weekend, he couldn't stand the thought that I couldn't get there till the 9th of April, so he's coming here again!! yeah...I seriously can't wait to see him. I had my date last night, I thought it would be good for me to get out there and date and we had fun, friends kind of fun but it wasn't the same, so I am glad he is coming to visit. I am wondering where this is going to lead me, but right now my focus is on getting a car so.

Of course today is like winter revisited here today, what else isn't new here in DE...but soon we will be all spring and then summer so I am excited....

I ate great, exercised none and well I don't feel that I have jeopardized anything with the way things are going...yeah for me!!!

Back at the grind

Back to work today after being off for a few days being ill. I am finally really starting to feel much better so that is good. I am hoping to keep my exercise factor up since I've been successful all weekend at it. It makes me feel so much better which is such a great thing. I went out last night on my date with J. We had fun, dinner and a drink (ice tea for me!! yeah) and chatted but figured out that we weren't compatible but I have a another new friend.

This morning is chilly, back in the 20's I wish spring would just come and stay....I know soon enough it will be here full time. I can imagine what my desk at work is looking like and I am lollygagging getting ready so I need to get off this computer and get my butt in gear!

What a great day

I did get out and get some pictures along with a nice long walk. It was in the upper 50's and just a gorgeous day here today. I am sharing some of the beautiful flowers starting to bloom, really makes my day to see them out finally after this long, long winter.

The boy was out too, playing basketball, and enjoying the day before he had to go to work. I'm glad I was feeling well enough to get out there....also all the cleaning is done and yoga (day 3) and tonight, I have a date. Yes, a real date, haven't been on one of them in quite a while so I figured it was time again. Meeting J at 6 and well we'll see.....

Sunday morning

It was a great day yesterday, sunny and in the 50's although the wind was a bit much at some points. I got my yoga done, a 45 walk also so that was great. I also got all the cleaning and wash caught up so I felt very accomplished. I also found out my jeep has a blown engine in it :( So that was the only bad news. So now to get those tires off to sell them, and I am waiting for my check to go get something new to me.

Today is going to be warmer, I'm going to try and get out there, I have been wanting to do some pictures for awhile now and the weather is changing and the buds are back on the trees, some flowers starting to bloom, so that is my goal today to become a wanderer and get outside!

Enjoy the day

Starting to feel a bit better....

my friend the car guy is driving down this afternoon. He wants to see my truck firsthand and see if it can be fixed or not. Of course I told him, I'm not spending any more money on it so....then we are going to grab a bite to eat before he goes home. It should be nice, especially able to get out of the house for a change. Other than that the crud is starting to go away, I feel very tired still though so a low key weekend is in store for me..

I'm down for the count

I' ve managed to catch the horrible cold going around at work. It has knocked me on my butt for the last few days and I'm not happy...I can't breathe, having horrible issues sleeping and well I'm just plain old miserable. I am now unable to attend the viewing and funeral today also. boo :(

Anyhow, happy Spring...I'm so glad it's here!

Doing pretty well all things considering......

yeah, the final plans are in the works. I was able to talk with her mom, dad and brother all at some point yesterday. It is still such a waste, 30, never married, no kids and her whole life in front of her. But I always believe there is a reason for everything that happens in life, so I am waiting to see what this tragic event is leading.

Me, I'm doing pretty good, the plans are in place for a lot of things going on in my life, I might have found a car, the trip to TX is still on just pushed back a few weeks :(, and my drinking, has ceased and deceased for a few days now. I had no immediate need to want to go out with the girls from work either yesterday, so I look at that as progress!! yeah me

Eating has been ok, not the best as I think the stress is causing me to not want to eat, or if I do as soon as I start I can't continue. I'm sure as things in my life level out so will this. Also, exercise is back on track. Got a 3+ mile walk in last night too, so I've been feeling stronger in that area of my life. Overall I give myself a thumbs up as work is in progress once again :)

Happy St Patty's day to all

I am spending it hoping that I will have a car by the weekend. I am feeling yuck still, ears are clogged and eyes are starting to feel heavy also :( I don't want to be sick at all!

My gf is maintaining on her own and well I'm feeling like blah.

I'm doing good with things, got to bed early but probably because I felt so sick.

I just don't have alot to say this morning but sure I will later tonight!

A couple of things that get me through some days...

I love to have quotes around, in fact I journal almost everyday offline as well as online...good god I have too much time on my hands. Well I was reading a journal from last year, I have some poems I have written in there (from some dark days) as well as uplifting things that I like to read and make me smile. I want to share a few of these, actually I just want to put them out there for me:

"The question is not whether you love someone enough to die for them, the real question is do you love them enough to truly live."

"Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire."

and one of my favorites I read each morning:

"Life is too short to wake up ith regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

Enjoy, I just did...

I have given this alot of thought.....

and I am taking control of my life back. I have had it with the sleepless nights, lack of exercise and just plain old blaise way I have been feeling lately. I missed 6 phones calls and two text messages last night, why because I was so stressed and overstrung by the day, that I crashed hard and slept right through them. I would have liked to talk to at least two of the callers and I would have responded to the texts, but no I was out like a zombie.

Stability - the word for today on my gf's front....I hate it, I wish improvement were the word they spoke!

I have finished cleaning. I have cooked a healthy late lunch/early dinner. I have done my yoga. The weather sucks so I did not (or at least not yet) get in a walk, I actually wanted to take a nice walk to the Dollar Store, but I guess that will wait for another day.

I hate having no car, I hate having to wait on other's to help me out at their convenience. It's like being locked in a prison, oh and I find out today, no bus service on Sunday's. I know they need a day off, but I was going to venture to the mall...boo :(

So here I am, fighting off a nap because if I nap, I will be up all night. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will get up and exercise and not hit my alarm like 10 times and I will take charge of me and my life an get it back in order!

Sunday and grey again.....

No news yet from the hospital so for right now I am going on everything is well, I will be calling out there soon to see if I can at least chat for 5 min with her and make sure everything is ok. I hate not having wheels right now to go see her...it stinks. I am in the process of selling my tires on my truck (since there are new) and then getting the junkyard to pickup the truck and get it out of here. I refuse to put anymore money into it and it still not running. Anyhow, I want to say hi and thanks for my newfound blogmate, who happens to live right down the road from me. You have a great blog and I need to put some of that great positive affirmation back into my life. I had a great morning browsing through your blog!!! So go visit her.....http://ablogintherough.blogspot.com/ and enjoy...she is a great blogger!

Anyhow, it's Sunday, gray and chilly. I am freezing again today. It's almost 11am and I am dragging get my butt in gear. I have a few more loads of wash, the boy wants to watch a movie and I MUST clean the bathroom, it's ewie!!!

I am leaving the drama of this weekend behind me. I will be calling the lawyer first thing tomorrow morning and see if there is some way we can put and end to this once and for all...I mean c'mon folks, it has been forever and I need some relief!

I am going to try and venture out today for a bit...we'll see how far I can get but I need to start walking, grey weather and all!

I am back from the visit

and now I going to bed. I'm drained, she is definitely not well and all is not good :(

Saturday afternoon is meant to be peaceful.....

until you get the call that one of your good friends, who happens to be stricken with cancer, is dying. Yes, that is the call I got today, so I promptly got myself on a bus to her....good lord, she is a young one, 30.....I hate to see it..I'm devastated to be honest...but it is her reality, everything seems to be failing, all the treatments gone for nought....I'm so sad.....so I leave with you with my tears for my friend and to always remember that no matter how bad it is right now.....you are not dealing with that....

Early in the morning..............

because I can't sleep so I will blog. I am still a bit angry about the subpeona, I was planning my own trip down to TX to see my friend, of course the stupid lawyer fees will dash that unless I can figure out another way to gather the needed money. I'm sure the whole issue of his right now will be thrown out of court, like all previous ones because all he keeps trying to do is suck money out of me (since he still doesn't work as I gather).

So here I am, early on a cold, gray and going to be rainy Saturday morning. I want to work on the boy's room today, it will require a ton of cleaning out. I hope it will keep me occupied. I haven't had a drink either in a few nights, although after the whole thing yesterday it was very tempting!

I am ready for spring, warmer weather, and sunshine. I think the sunshine would be the thing that would really make me the happiest right now. Thank goodness spring is right around the corner for us.

Time for another cup of coffee, I will get my yoga done today and then start on the cleaning. I would love to watch a movie too, hopefully I won't get too sleepy and fall asleep during it...lol

Have you ever felt.................

so alone after surgery. Tonight, actually today it struck me, I have not felt the same way about myself or the way others have reacted to me since the surgery. It was almost surreal.. I guess it was my awakening...I've done the surgery, lost the weight, maintained for a year and now they are accepting me into their society. Ok, first I never wanted acceptance in your society, I always thought I was in there....and two..well yeah I have lost alot of weight but I thought that with that I would be a better person. I am not always getting the feeling that this is a true statement. I am true to myself, first and always. I always speak my mind, which in some instances have been embarrassing. But I just don't always feel like I am truly a part of the society I live in, maybe it's time to start something new or different, or maybe I just need to get to the shrink and work this out with her. I don't know but the feeling of disconnect is simmering under my surface right now.

Ok on a side note the ex....is grumbling, with another court ordered supeona(spellling here??) anyhow I don't know if I'm good or not but it has dashed my hopes (lawyer wise and their large fees) with a trip to Dallas and this all came after I thought I would be good to go....I AM PISSED AT THE EX ok I'm going to stop before this get's too out of hand. But what a way to start my weekend...thanks jerko!

Thursday's musings....

I know that people out there have their thing whether it's a Wednesday meme or whatever but I'm not always like that. Sure I love the meme here and there but what I post is me, raw and uncensored and totally me. It's a take it or leave it kind of blog I guess...I don't blog for the masses or really anyone but me. I have the great followers ( and don't be fooled I love you all bunches) but truly the beginning of this was to be about me and only ME!

I have always been a true blogger about me, the raw honest truth, lately no matter how bad it has been

So we go forth tonight not knowing our following but guessing. loll wel willll have funn.........

And here I thought I was doing so well....

I need to learn to say NO at work to freebies that come in liquid form in a bottle...at least for a little while. I only had two drinks, and promptly blogged, felt guilty and dumped the rest down the sink. GEEZ.....I felt alot better about it, got some ice tea and cleaned some and went to bed. I woke up today feeling better about today, although I still feel like the crud that was passing around at work is hitting me. My ears are full and my sinus feel like they want to burst.

But on the other hand, yes I think I am going away for my birthday, what a grand surprise, I will find out more details this weekend, as S is coming back to DE. He called me last night and surprised me with the itinerary....I am happy, I think it's a turning point on how I feel about R because he called too last night and asked me out for tonight, for a movie, I accepted but I didn't feel my heart was in it, S called and I was over the moon...hmmm see the pattern I am...lol

Ok, I'm late for work and of course they blocked blogger at work, I guess they think I am going to sit there all day and blog, who knows...lol

So for today, I am back on the wagon.........
thinking about what I to do this weekend..............
and hating that winter is back and the weather is colder again................

How would you feel if you knew....

today I fell I fell off the wagon...Absolut Mango given to me at work to experiment...Ok we have been here before ands it's not turned out so great but this with OJ it's the bomb...I"m hooked and off the wagon :( Seriously I'm not happy about this although I'm feeling too good right now.....


I hate this! I need need more control in my life....

Why would someone with so much before her become so.....easy.....

It's Wednesday

I'm tired, feeling gray like that day is today....had some great news today, ok you all cheated all read my former blog...YES I will be spending my 45 birthday in Paris France...GOD to same I am excited is an understatement....but ok I will relax keep calm and OMG no way!!! This is probably one of the biggest things that has happened to me EVER!!! GOOD GOD!!! I am still over the moon....

So more planning and packing and I'm gone to be flying the skies.....what a big year this starting out to be....

How would you feel if you found out..................

that you will be spending your birthday (ok it will be my 45) in Paris, France?????

I have been a good girl...........

Do well with the whole no drinking thing. Of course this weekend is the annual St Patty's Day celebrations. I have volunteered to work hoping it will keep me from imbibing, we'll see how well that does. But overall I've done well, even last weekend, not one glass of wine with dinner, yeah me! I like feeling good in the a.m. too, sometimes those cobwebs are hard to erase..lol

I have to get back into exercise and soon, my body is definitely missing my rollercoaster of up and down with getting the exercise in. I am committing or shall I say recommitting myself today to get it done! With the longer light in the evenings even a walk will be more than I have been doing!

I have to decide if and when I want to go to TX, last night S and I had a little talk about where this may or may not go. We both decided to let it ride it's course for now, but he did tell me he hopes it works out, he is very shy of his feelings since his divorce (his wife cheated and is still with said cheater) and it crushed him so...........he is nervous of driving me away, I told him I couldn't be further away from him, but I do love his company and well we need to take it slow!

Spring break is around the corner and I have to decide if the boy is going to his father's also, because at the end of the day it will be my responsibility to pay for this...jerko!

Also, I have to find a new car, one that preferrably runs at this point...I've found a few nice used ones the but the reports come back BAD!!! so I am still looking!!

That is it for me in my life right now, short and sweet!

Mondays

A time of renewal. I used to hate Mondays, but not really so much anymore, it's back to work (thankful that I have a job) and it's about starting over. I like that, it has a ring to it that is good for me.

I was exhausted yesterday, got the cleaning done, but not the shopping :( I just couldn't keep these eyes of mine open! lol Of course the changing of the time didn't help either with losing an hour of sleep.

Today, work, work, work....tonight, shopping. I want to be caught up, and time to start looking for good airfares.

I want to get back into a walking regimine too, now that the sun will be setting later and the temps are moderating, it's time to get back to the basics in that aspect....I love to walk, thank goodness...lol Yoga is still my favorite, but I need to add that cardio back in my routine.

I can't wait to see the buds on the trees and the little flowers peek their heads from the earth, I love spring and the renewal it brings with it too, a time to start over......

Sounds like the direction my life is taking right now, 2009 is turning into a new type of year for me.......

What is going to Philadelphia without a cheesesteak......

Ok....I'm a little rested from my whirlwind weekend. We had so much fun, I love spending time with S he is the best,by far....so we did the whole historical from the previous pics, we saw the Art Museum, Franklin Institute, I took him to the center of the city where when you look E,S,N, or W you see a straight street out in front of you. Philadelphia is steeped in education and history, it's amazing that I live in such a history rich area, but I do...lol Then after all our education I too him to Geno's Cheesesteaks....ok for no one who has been to Philly this is the bomb, he scoffed about the 45 min wait in line for a cheesesteak, but yes they are worth it...something about South Philly cheesesteaks that send the people crazy and yes they are good and worth the wait. He enjoyed as did I...of course I enjoyed my seafood dinner later that evening much, much more but to show him the area I live in and the culture here,it's so different than TX as I saw on my trip there...of course now I am planning my own trip back down there...I'm thinking during spring break. I hope my mom will take the boy a few extra days so I can spend a little more time with S, we really hit it off and had a great time, he's already texting me and I am so happy. Maybe this long distance will work, maybe not......

On another note, for those who remember the old neighbor up here, well I text him today to see what is up, I still feel that we are not on the same page, so we all know what that means...WE aren't!!! I've been through this enough in the past year to recognize it, but I hold on to the fact that he is here and S is not, is that wrong, or right...I don't know, but what I do know from the few men I've dated they would do the same thing...sorry I don't mean to stereo type men but that is what I've been through.........so me and my smile are going to get my house cleaned up.....

I am happy, weight is down, smiles are up and life is good once again!!!

The best

Weekend I've had since my trip...we had a fabulous time....spent the day in Philly yesterday and had a fabulous seafood dinner at a local eatery last night...All in all it was perfect!

I am on my way....

I am leaving in 10 min...for a weekend of fun and bliss.......

catch you all on the flip side!

Another long day..........

at work. My co-worker still out sick and she is bad. The fired co-worker gave us all a start today wondering if she might show up and do something dumb. Never happened but she was calling alot and saying all types of delusion things. Work - busy. Me - exhausted. I am not having a drink again tonight, so I'm putting it out there. Tomorrow, he shows up, 24 hours and I will be out on a dinner date...

I need to sleep and be well rested for the weekend!

If I am not around, I will update you all on Monday!!

Thursdays and it's getting closer to the weekend

I have one day and my friend comes. To say I'm excited would be an understatement. Everyone at the house is settled into where they will be this weekend and I won't be seeing my kids until Monday they are so busy!!!

Work is crazy busy, my coworker is out sick so that adds to my load, but it's all good. Yesterday they let one person go, it was shocking because first they sent her home for the day and at the end of the day, she was fired! WOW

I exercised last night, first time in a while, and I don't know why I don't more because it makes me feel good. I need to make this my addiction :)

Eating has been great it seems to be the one thing I'm good at controling these days, of course it was the one thing I never had control of before my surgery, it's strange how these things in life change. I also had no drinks for two days now...so in my eyes that is a celebration. Each day is it's own and I'm handling them this way. I figure if I don't bring it home then I'm good.....because it's always too cold to go out after I settle in..lol

But I am going off in tangents tonight....

we have a fun fulled weekend packed with adventure and the adventure in my mind is will we connect. My son has consumed himself with something short of a miraculous weekend that would have left me lonely..

So there is a dilemna....isn't there always!!!

The old neighbor, R as I like to refer to him....he has been a saint but a little bit disconnnected along the way. So I dont' feel so bad about the guy from the cruise, because truth be told he has a dating website page that he told me about that he checks too frequently for my liking...but anyhow.....so I am going to see where my mysterious cruise mate rates....is that wrong to list him that way, who cares and who knows anyhow.....I am hoping for a lot and I am thinking from a few short text we will be good.......

well we will see....I am excited...fighting a demon and all a the same time...


p.s. I don't want you all to think I have kicked this drinking thing....I haven't it's bad a I know and it serious but I haven't kicked it yet I'm working on it but daily there is a reason not to and of course there a million reasons that I should....talk to me people...all of you out there no matter if you have never talked to me before.....please all comments are considered to be good!

Weekend

I am very excited for Friday, and am not sure what will happen this weekend, but the talk I had last night is he wants to see if there is something there worth pursuing off the boat. I am happy he's coming as we had such a great time on board. Of course that thought crossed my mind to, will the chemistry be there off the boat, the vacation and the magic that one brings to people's lives. So we had a little talk about it, and we are both adults and are going to pursue this and see if there is anything there.

At least the weather is moderating a bit too, darn it's been cold with windchills below zero here...brrrr

So I have three more days and then we see......

stay tuned, I know I will be..lol

Ok the grim reality of me for the last six months

and no it's not pretty, and it's not smart and it's not a WLS person's way of life, but it has been my reality and I'm ready (finally) to share....



Ok, for those who watch Oprah or whatever talk show gives the vice for WLS that has been me, I have succumbed to this bizzare reality and no I was in total denial doing so....here is my bad story.....



I have thought about this alot, during the last few months...ok it's been like 5...I work in an industry that is prone to drinking.....for those of you who don't know, drink is reality available...it's really bad.. anyhow. I have gotten in the rut of drinking things (concotions) I should not.....so the long story short yes I have replaced the eating addiction a new addiction to drinking. It started out as a harmless drink now and again, then it escalated into a few times a week, then the stress built and I noticed I would have at least 2 drinks per night, then a few more and so the rollercoaster ride began. Once I realized how much I was drinking on a daily basis I totally stepped back, it wasn't pretty, it was good and it's over (hopefully) for good. I do now and again indulge in one drink, and one is the limit. It's not everyday, it's not more than once a week and I make sure I think before I put that addiction into my mouth. So yes, I too have traded one addiction for another, now to be more conscious about everything, liquid or solid that goes into my body. It's a hard road and gives me a new respect for why it happens, not that I am condoning it, because I am certainly not, but it has been my reality.

Another snow day for the kids

Day 2 and they have a snow day, I was out last night pretty late and the roads seemed fine to me...but they know better.

We have gotten the largest supplier kicked off and back in our house last night, it has been an intense couple of weeks for me, working late and getting my part of it ready, now the real work begins!! I am excited and happy they are there and the forward motion of this line is going to be a perfect fit for us, great vision.

I am counting down the days till my friend gets here, yes I am that excited. After thinking about it some, we really did click and it's a shame we don't life in the same city, I think something could come of it if we did, with this distance, well who knows.....but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

Eating has been ok, Sat, was a bust as I was feeling like crap and Sunday I ate like a fat girl and paid for it Sunday night...yesterday back on track, no exercise at all which is bad and lots of standing last night makes for some achy legs today :( so I will take my whine and call it a blog

for now!

Sunday

and I woke up to a coating of snow...it was pretty but then when I turned on the TV well they said we are in for a winter storm tonight, 6-14" of course I'm in the middle of this range so I'm thinking 10" for us...ick!

Yesterday was a bust, I spent most of the day on the couch, napping and still got a full night of sleep, it was good. I feel a bit better today and have lots to do to get caught up on wash and cleaning. Of course tomorrow we have our big kickoff so I need to find something appropriate to wear! and it be versatile in the snow too! lol

My friend Susy wrote a blog last week about transfer addictions. This is something that comes up time and time again with WLS patients. Myself included has succumbed to this due to the fact that food is not our comfort in times of stress...I am not quite ready to put it all out there, but it's been on my mind, and to read her blog, well it has me thinking. I am getting closer, it's a tough love, to lose the food...almost like an alcholic or drug addict getting some help. It's a hard road and the decisions we chose are not always the healthiest for us! So not to be hiding behind the curtains (but I am for right now) I'm just going to have to think how I want to get this out there!

Been MIA

The darn internet was down here, who the heck knows why but I'm back...of course I have the ick that everyone else has been dealing with so most of the day has been spent on the couch.....

I miss this::

and of course the great guy who I spent alot of my vacation with, but the good news, he's flying up to see me next weekend...yeah!!! Now back to my regularly scheduled program today, the couch!!

Ciao

Getting back to routines

Is hum drum and boring I am finding. I am anxiously awaiting the start of spring, I am done with the cold, gray weather. This winter hasn't shown us tons of snow, sleet or ice, but it's been gray and that in itself does not go well for me. I miss the sun and well after a whole week of sun and warmer weather I guess it's hitting me harder than I thought it would. I love that at 6pm it's still light out, that is beautiful, sun in the morning and at night. In a few short months it will be warmer but until then we are stuck in wind chills and gray days.

I have gotten in some yoga, it really does help soothe me and gives me a bit of a pause and renergizes my day. I did it every morning on the ship and well I came home and stopped! Why would I do that when it is such a refreshing piece of my day? Who knows....but I'm back and well I feel good this a.m.

The boys are good, I hardly ever talk about them anymore but there really isn't much to say, they are plugging away in life. Last night my youngest said he likes R and is very happy I have met him. I'm happy he feels this way as he is my toughest critic...lol

Well off to find some coffee and makeup and get this day rolling!

First full day back at work

Spent the weekend with my guy, I probably neglected that this a.m. as I was VERY sleepy. Saturday he came and tried to get the darn truck working, about 350 bucks later and it still sits out front, dead! But the plus side is I got to spend the time with him, he took my son to the game store to buy a game, they had a ball from what I heard. Then we dropped him off at a friends as he made plans to spend the night, off to his house for a little adult time. lol I love spending time with him, he is very good to me and makes me smile and laugh....of course I've been here before but we'll see....



And yes I did spend the night with him, at last. He claims he spent alot of the night watching me sleep. How sweet, he lent me his truck on Sunday while he was in a tournament so I could errands done, it's really good right now....



First full day of the first full week of work, long day, need I say more.....it's cold, I hate it and I miss the warmer weather I teased myself with.....of course my friend in Tx still wants to come up, I'm confused, who wouldn't be...I just wonder where I should go and what I should do, but time will figure it out, until he really comes up with a plan I'm just winging it, I told him about the guy up here and it didn't seem to deter him so.



My boring old plain life is nothing of the sort, or so it seems.....so maybe stealing a little from my blogger friend Sharon, maybe my blog should be called My So Called Life, because it's a daily occurance that it changes....hmmm anyhow I like the mediocre, humdrum but seem to live a more exciting life, as my coworkers live vicariously through me or so they say......

I guess if I were them I would to. Who knows, tomorrow, I wake and we start it all over again....and see what happens.

And for those who care or what to know....today's weight - 136lb....so yes I have gained two pounds this weekend! ha

Full week

I have a full week of work this week. I have to figure out how to get my truck to the shop without costing me an arm and a leg as it is still not running and it's the last week of Feb which means spring should (and I say this loosely) should be right around the corner.

Vacations are fun, but I'm beat from trying to catch up here at home. I did however take lots of time out for fun this weekend, so things that aren't done are no one's fault but my own..lol

Saw the old neighbor, R this weekend, it was nice and we had a blast. He lent me his car yesterday so I could get lots of errands done while he was busy. That was very nice and sweet of him and he doesn't realize how much I appreciate it.

So back to the grind, work is exciting this week in anticipation of the changes that are coming, for me it's all good stuff.....

End of the weekend

So it wasn't so sunny and warm here...but it's good, I'm home, things are returning to normal, or whatever I consider normal at this point. My friend from TX has called a few times this weekend, it was nice to talk with him and yes I'm really wondering where all of this is leading to at this point. I saw my other guy, the old neighbor too, it was great seeing him, but there was something, that little bit of something that makes me wonder if he is right. I don't know, it seems all the more confusing right now more than anything else. Don't get me wrong I enjoy time with the old neighbor, but the BUT is there, so if I listen to that that usally means it's a no go...of course TX is so far away but a huge distraction in my life right now... To say I'm confused is an understatement...so with all this blunder and confusion I wish you all a good night. I just don't understand why I dont' have the cut and dry life as everyone else......

I will wonder................

WOW

again today I'm posting. Ok deep breath and here I go......

So I ended up hanging out with this guy from TX on the trip. My gf totally dissed me and his friend did the same, so we ended up together, was it fate or just luck of the draw because of the circumstances. Who knows, who really cares, I mean seriously. So anyhow, we've kept in touch, exchanged pictures and a few emails. Well today he told me he wants to visit me here in DE. All the way from TX... how do I feel. I have no friggin clue!! I mean we had a great time together, but it was vacation, I never thought in a million years anything would ever come of it, or that he would really ever want to see me again. So a few weeks from now, he will be landing in Philly...yikes. Do I really feel that way, well honestly deep down, I'm happy. I had a good time hanging with him and the others and we were together alot, even alone. So I guess I'm happy but.....still TX vs DE wow....lots to think about here........

Just another chapter in my crazy life, called me!!!

Detox

Ok, so day 3 home and I'm detoxing big time. The vacation, as you all have read or saw was a success, a wonderful time, but man I guess I drank big time!! It's amazing that my weight even stayed the same. One week ago right now, I was sitting on the deck, watching the sun go down, as I did every night. Getting ready for our late dinner and having a wonderful time wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt! Ok, reality, it's 20, wind chill some god awful 10 or something like that....ho hum, I'm home.

I have heard from my friend on board, the guy from TX, he was such a sweetie on the trip, it's so nice to meet someone who wasn't just out for a good time (if you know what I mean) anyhow he wants to come and visit me, here in DE...WOW is all I can say and I'm really excited about this, we had such a great time together and we'll get to do it up here soon. Tomorrow I have a date with my old neighbor, yes I think I have talked about him. Talk about living the life of a 20 something..lol We are going to see my favorite bassist in his new band tomorrow night and I am very EXCITED for this as I haven't been able to see him in a long time due to the people he was previously associated with!! So a big weekend for me. Somewhere in there I need to catch up on the wash, cleaning and at some point go grocery shopping too! lol I guess my priorities have shifted terribly in the last year.

Speaking of the last year, I had my horoscope read to me by a co-worker today, it basically stated that in the past year so many things have changed and all for the good, this year, 2009 will hold new and exciting things and well so far it has. So how suprised I was to read that!

So it's Friday night, back in the cold, but spring is right around the corner, back to the normal life but I am planning another adventure for this summer!! More to come in the future on that when the plans are firmed up....life is a challenge but such a fun one for me right now!!

The trip

I have no idea where to even begin, so I'm just going to say I had a wonderful time, met an amazing group of people on the boat and will never forget this trip, ever. I got to see this view every morning....

and this one every night....it was so peaceful and such a far reach from the hustle and bustle of my normal, everyday life. I felt so calm and energized on this ride....

This is a view, 146 steps up from the most southern point in Cozumel atop the lighthouse. The scenery no matter which way your turned took your breathe away. Here are a few more...

Everyday was sunny and warm, the skinny girl who hid behind a sea of cloth for years, broke out this year and wore a swimsuit, not just any swimsuit, but a tankini (it's no bikini) but in my book close enough, I wore my formal dress the one with the black lace, I had so many offers of dances that night it took my breathe away. I laughed, swam, climbed, swam some more, had a few drinks, well maybe more than just a few, I danced and danced the nights away and enjoyed myself as I haven't in years. I felt all the tension and pressures slip away. The thing I think though that I brought home with me is the fact that I can go away on a vacation full of buffet foods and come home the same weight I left at. It simply amazed me because before I would have easily gained 10lb. I made great choices while eating, exercised with the yoga instructor every morning atop the ship at sunrise and had fun...

I am home now two full days and am still smiling!!!

I'm home

It's cold, rainy and I have tons of wash, pics and things to share......

It was the best vacation ever!!! Oh and I gained nothing! actually lost 1 lb...

I will be back soon with all to share...

Just a quick tidbit, the dress for formal night was a hit....A BIG ONE at that....I had quite a few dance proposals that night!!

Back later with more.....

the last hurrah

So this is the last blog you will see from me for like over a week. I'm almost packed and ready to go.. I'm so excited......life as I know it will change with this trip. More than anyone can fathom, even me. I am going to have fun, enjoy, drink, eat and be merry...



Now that is no way for a WLS patient to act!!!!!!!

LOL

Have fun I will miss you all hopefully catch up soon

P.S. leaving you all here ....today's weight 134

I'm running out of time

but we are both almost ready. A few more loads of laundry to get done and some meals to prepare for the oldest while he's home....

I'm ready and the next two days will be the longest ....lol

WLS tv

Ok the new widget...is it cool or not...jury out, but I'm for anything to do with this.....I'm a survivor, someone who tries each and everyday to make the tool work to the highest efficiency that I was given...sure I have my moments the nice glass of wine or the oh so bad for you snack...but overall 2+ years out and I'm at goal and then some and maintaining just beautifully...if only everyone got that ....sigh

so what do you all think of WLS tv....would you be a guest???

At the request....

Of Miss Janine down under..a little catchup post so you don't have to sift through mountains of blog entries along the way....

I started my WLS pursuit way back in 03...but was sidelined by having to get a partial knee...current weight at that time was around 260.....

Fast forward, 03 got the partial knee post op of that I ballooned up to almost 295.....yikes...I was scared but needed the full year of therapy to fully recover properly from this surgery. So now into 04...I'm sick, alot....High blood pressure, reflux out of this world, pre-diabetic. I am sitting between 280 and 290 at any given day. Have a hard time walking up and down stairs...yikes!!! It winds me just to go up once. I am really starting to hate my life and how it's become but I am not doing anything about it. 06 I finally cave that summer, call the doc again and get my pre-op appt...that day in August I walk into his office the scale registered 275, ok, that is after a full year of Weight Watchers, and my own creative or not so creative diets...I'm sad, depressed and feeling overall that I have lost total control of my life. The doc and I sit down and discuss the options. Of course intially I go in with the feeling I want a lap band...I'm scared and although I have done years and years of research I'm still not 100%...we talked in depth about all of the options....and after our talk I went home and called the next day and decided RNY was for me. The best solution for my obesity and the one I would be the most comfortable working with long term. So we schedule the millions of appointments...he says no more than 10 lb weight gain or the whole deal is off.....That to me was the most intense. I made an appt with my private practice doc also...I have been with him forever and needed and wanted his approval....it was more important long term than the faith and love from my family because he would be the one I turn to for issues and help me through this in the long term!! My wait period was a whirlwind (not so much anymore though from the things insurance require) so from my first meeting in August 06 and the appt, I had my surgery scheduled for the morning of November 20, 2006. The day of my rebirth....from there it has been a whirlwind. We had our thanksgiving as a family early that year as it fell after surgery and I would be totally liquid or soft foods at that point. I went in that Monday morning at a hefty weight of 269lb.......it was so embarrasing to me.....here I was wearing 22/24 and they were tight, I was stretched to the limit to stay in this size at this point...I stand at 65" or 5'5"....I always thought I was larged boned but that would soon change after the weight started melting off.

As with anything, since I'm so OCD and ADD, this was something I was going to succeed with and not fail...I follow the docs orders to a T.....I dropped 40 lb in the first month!! WOW what an incentive....

Fast forward and all the drudge taken out....today 2/7/09, I am 26 months post op....I weighed 132...that is my all time low (I am not good here too thin) my previous all time low was 135, my favorite weight is around 140-145, that is a good weight for my body frame. I have had no plastics and not sure I will, although I would love a boob job!! lol I am healthy, happy and stick to the program everyday...I'm so happy that I have been given a second chance at life and although I moan and cry on here from time to time...I am enjoying myself more than I have in the past 40 some years of my life...

Not quite the readers digest short version...but it's me, it's raw and it's just the way it is.....

Saturday

Yeah I'm so glad, last night bed early...I was wiped. Work is changing dramatically right now and this week was a mental challenge...I did manage to get a groove going by Friday, so I've been able to overcome this challenge and make some progress.

Weight is down, way down this a.m. Am I happy, of course, should I be, absolutely not!! This a.m. I decided to weigh, haven't in a while but I know that I handle stress totally opposite pre-WLS...so drum roll.....132 this a.m. Too low, I've lost about 8 lb this week...eek...I'm sure the cruise will help put some back on. I knew I had lost as the skirt I wore yesterday kept slipping..lol

This afternoon, I have another date...yeah...So this is 4 dates in two weeks and he was the one who said he wasn't seeing me until I got home from my trip..hee hee We have been having alot of fun, laughing and doing things together. It's been very good for my soul.

On other news, winter is 1/2 over. For those who live on the east coast of USA, it's been a brutal one at best, cold, snow, wet, gray...I for one will be happy to see spring...

So I'm off to get something done, not sure what that something will be but I am feeling the need to be productive...

More crap you wouldn't want to know...lol

The rules are simple - list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! Then tag 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap Award

Ok Janine - you've gotten me......

10 honest things about me:

1. I am afraid of being fat again, I have this recurring nightmare that when I wake up I weigh 300 lb again...it frightens me and I don't know why.

2. I am still struggling horribly with self esteem issues. It seems that every time I think I have it all under control, bam something hits and there I go to pieces.

3. I never thought 5 years ago, that I would become healthy, thinner and divorced!!

4. I have an irrational fright of snakes. Even to watch them on tv.....eek

5. I am a hopeful romantic. I love to be with people, especially those who make me laugh! I love optimistic people...and being around those who enjoy life and have fun....

6. I am hopeful that the next 1/2 of my life will be a totally different than the first 1/2, I hope it is filled with me doing things being involved, instead of watching from the sidelines....I have been given a second chance to make it happen and I'm not wasting time now...

7. I am the oldest of four children, all of whom are overweight. It's a deadly disease that is in my family and I am the only one who has done anything about it!

8. I am ADD and have OCD, what a combination....I have learned to live with both, but geez sometimes I even drive myself crazy with how anal I am about things...

9. I am happy in my life for one year now, I can't recall a time when I have been in more control and just doing what I want. I love the person I've become....

10. I love to cook....I can make almost anything from scratch and I cook every night for my kids. of course now they are growing up and moving on in some ways, but we always have dinner every night together, homemade!! YUM.....

So I tag 7 now....

Well I am going to leave that up to those who read....please share with us as I have!!

And the list keeps growing and growing....

http://www.fda.gov/oc/opacom/hottopics/salmonellatyph.html#products

Evidently this Peanut recall is alot more intensive than originally thought. 2 years now...WOW is all I can say, my kids live for peanut butter sandwiches, it is a part of their daily routine like brushing their teeth, at least one per kid per day...I might need to start rethinking this!!

10 days

The good lord is testing my ability to hold it together right about now, 10 days and another winter storm on our horizon. I had a dream last night that my flight was cancelled leaving to go because of ice!! GAH....If I don't have a nervous breakdown before I get there well then there will be alot of celebrating once I am there!! lol

I am ready to go, I had my date Saturday night, it was wonderful. How is it I always manage to meet a man, someone whom I want to spend time with when I'm on my way out the door or busy doing something else with my life. That is where we are. He is wonderful. Plain and simple. I laughed so much and had the best time it's scary. Really. I've probably said that before, I could probably go back in this blog, in the archives and find this exact statement about a few men I dated last year, but truly no one compares. This is not a rebellion of divorce, the other man, the one I thought would be right, or the hot one. This is a guy, someone whom I already knew. Someone who I reconnnected with accidently but on purpose I think. Someone who I enjoy spending hours with and when he leaves I can't wait to see him again. Someone who brought me flowers on our second date and they happen to be my favorite flower. Someone who listens to me, helps me and wants to be with me. Someone who I care about. Sure it's weird, he was my old neighbor but that was a lifetime ago to me. The trouble that was my marriage was already established. We had both made sure we kept our distance, although neither of us knew the other was doing that, we were attracted but I was married and he wasn't. There was the vow I made the reality that I was married and I wasn't cheating. I still can't believe neither of us picked up on the fact that we were BOTH attracted to one another it was not a one sided thing. strange..

Anyhow, that is not what this is about...this is about me, right now. I have "dieted" although I hate that word very well the last week, turned all those bad carbs I had been consuming into a thing of my past. I have lost a few pounds, toned up, doing my yoga, feel the peace..lol I am grounded, although frantic about having us both ready to leave next Wednesday morning early in the morning....I am crazy with the realization that I am sailing soon and it can't be soon enough!!

Oh and the kicker I speak at the WLS support group the night before, like I am going to have time to fit that in?? Well it will all work out, I will stop stressing and just go with it, that is what it's all about right...going with the flow called life????

I Can't believe it's almost 50

degrees outside and I don't want to move off my couch. I've watched a few movies while doing some wash today. I need to kick my butt in gear and seriously get out there today and enjoy because these days are far and few between. Tomorrow they say 45 and rain and then Tuesday, 30 and snow again. Grrr Of course we flipped the calendar to February, so the countdown is officially on. 11days and I'll be sunning and funning. God I can't wait.

I had my date last night, he came over and we had dinner and watched a movie, ok we ate dinner had great conversation a wonderful bottle of wine and well we attempted to watch the movie but ended up talking through most of it, so I was so lost when we did watch. We then attempted to watch another movie, which I promptly fell asleep during, what a wonderful date I am, huh. I prewarned him, he was sitting and I was snuggled up with him on the couch, it was nice and warm and well off to la la land I went!! I woke up right at the end of the movie, we talked a bit more and off he went for home!

I was up at the crack of dawn today, but cannot get motivated. I wish there were a magic pill for these days so I could just take it and go, but I've been tired and well I'm feeling it today. The cleaning and wash are getting done so all is good :)

I haven't weighed in a while, I know I'm down my jeans slid right on yesterday that was a plus because even they were getting a big snug...I love these one pair of jeans I own, they are my weight gauge when I don't feel like actually reading the scale!

Ok, I'm off hopefully to do something productive! outside get some Vit D or whatever...Happy Super Bowl Sunday!