Life and it's many twists and turns.....

The past two weeks have been a up and down rollercoaster ride with many twists and turns.  Many highs and many lows, but I am coming out of it in one piece.  First off, giving notice to the job #2, it has served it's purpose and I need me back.  So not too much longer.  Secondly, found out an old bf and still friend passed end of June.  That was shocking and very sad to me, kind of made me take a pause and think about my life and where I want to be.  We were two weeks apart in age....so many changes are occuring right now in my life.  Third, I have no time to look for places to live because I am ALWAYS working, we are changing that!! 

So, we had the friend crab feast last weekend, Saturday, what a great time.  It is always great to see all my friends, and with no softball and little get togethers this year it was a welcome relief in my busy life.  I had met a guy, but for whatever reason that didn't seem to work out....the other one in my life, well I am going to keep him around for a bit and see how things work out..lol  I am off this weekend, tomorrow we go to Baltimore for the afternoon and evening, Saturday, family reunion.  It's going to be a beautiful weekend and I can't wait to see old family and hang with friends.

Work, is work  always busy and crazy....that about sums up my last two weeks....I will try to be more diligent, this is really a great tool for me

TGIF and happy holiday weekend!!

Honestly, I can't believe the fourth of July weekend is upon us already!!  Where does the time go!!  I know I have been busy, working and just trying to keep up with life in general but WOW it's July!

Last night was another work night, nothing unusual, but it ended with a great date and lack of sleep for me today is insane.  Ok, so now I will back up a little.  I have a rule, no dating people I work with, golden rule so things don't get messy if it doesn't work out.  I have for years kept tried and true to this rule and didn't really break it, but I have.  There is a guy at job 2 that I like, but given said rule I never acted on it.  Well then he tells me, "I have gotten a new job and will be leaving soon" so ok.... I start thinking maybe then I will go on a date and see what happens, so we do.  Well then he said new job may not last through winter months so he rearranges his work schedule at the job we share and now he's staying, so I have broken the rule.  Well we talk, alot and he's sweet.  Will bring me flowers or something to work, always thoughtful the whole nine yards.  I really haven't let anyone in my heart since it was shattered last summer, sure I have dated and I think out of loneliness more than wanting a boyfriend.  So anyhow, here we are in the situation, we are still working together, went out after work on an awesome date, I have like 2 hours of sleep under my belt today and am so happy, but feel torn.  I believe being the adults we are can make this work, I don't think long term I will remain at this job so that can work, but for now I really don't want this out for public consumption (as this work tends to be like a big high school with gossip).  So all that said, confusing or not, here I am....big smile, little sleep and I really feel connected again to someone for the first time in a long time.  Now the baby steps of dating, getting to know one another and having fun (as my bff will tell me over and over!!)  lol 

On the homefront, things are well hopefully moving forward, going to see yet another place next week, Monday...fingers crossed for me as I need to get out!!  But for now, life is good, no lets correct that life is great....

I tried this the other day, but.............

It never got started for that matter, so here we are on Tuesday.  After a full weekend of work, a stomach bug (thinking food poisoning) and not much else I am here, alive....feeling it barely.  lol

Had a full weekend of work, not too busy there as the busy season is winding down with the approach of the 4th of July holiday.  I have had my hours cut back some recently, only to find out they are ramping them up now for my future, not sure what that is about, but the paycheck is nice :)

Had to work last night, of course last minute customers kept us there way too late and by the time I got home, I crashed....hard.  Of course I had a miserable time waking up this a.m. but managed to get my lazy butt out of bed and ready for work and on time :)  Tonight I am off, have to get the piles of laundry done as I am out of clothes, well at least what I like to wear.  lol  I am exhausted today, hoping it subsides shortly as the day moves on, the oppressive humidity isn't helping either as I feel like a bowling ball is lodged on top of my head pushing down hard.  This is the part of living here that I dislike the most.  Hopefully the sun will burn it off sooner than later and I will get some relief. 

So last week I spoke of exercise, which is still non existant in my life, but my eating habits, I have taken back control and am doing well with, no more snacking and eating late at night, that is the worst thing I have had to deal with.  It does help immensely so I don't feel uncomfortable overnight.  Hopefully soon I will find my motivation to exercise as I really, really want to get back in that habit.

Upcoming holiday weekend is rapidly approaching, usually I would be heading to the beach for an extended weekend, but alas I am working.  ALL weekend long.  If it weren't for the great peeps I work with I am sure I would not want to do it, but things have definitely shifted in my life, so I am more accepting of circumstances I cannot control.

Had a call from a friend of mine last week, mid 30's and he has stomach cancer, of course when they did the biopsy it's the worst form, so he has a long road again.  I have a feeling another friend of mine, who called me yesterday is going to give some bad news also :(  It's so sad, these guys are both too young for this.

Work is busy, we are in our second biggest week of the year this week, as alot of our suppliers are ending their fiscals and the 30th is our second largest sales day of the year behing the 31st of Dec.  So with that said, I am off to get some work done...lol

When it rains, it pours.......

Last night I was home early, to bed early (or at least I tried) because I had to be at THD today at 7.....well it seems like more than one of the ex bf's decided last night was a great night to get in touch.  I count, at the end of the day, 4 of them text or called me last, so what is up with that, and seriously why haven't you moved on!  I have!!!

So anyhow, yes I came home last night after running a million errands after work for fresh fruit and veggies, ordered out a semi-healthy meal, ate and crashed.  Up today at 4am, in to work early and the best part, out EARLY!!  I actually drove home in hot sunshine and beautiful weather, windows down and sunroof wide open!!!  So here I am, home, relaxing enjoying the rest of this beautiful day!

Tomorrow, back at 8 in...and then I will be done til Tues night.  Sometimes these weekends really take their toll on me, my personal life is pretty much non-existant anymore because I can't roll with the friends and be at work at the same time.   So I guess, yes things are different...

I was supposed to hook up with an old friend tonight, and guess what I am tired....geesh I can't believe I just wrote that...so off to grill some dinner and see what happens tonight.

Almost the end of the week

Here we are Thursday already!  Where has this week gone??  Been really busy at home and work.  A/C at home is broken, was able to borrow two units from a friend yesterday for my and the boy's room, so last night we both got to sleep in comfort!!  yeah....it was a cooker in there, hot, humid and nasty with no breeze and everything just stagnant!  To wake up to the cool was heavenly!

Work is tonight, can't complain only second night this week..lol  of course I never complain when the cash is rolling in!!  tomorrow night some folks from work and me will be going to happy hour, it's alot of fun and a good way to end the work week.  Saturday on the other hand is up early, early to be at work at 7!!  I will be in bed early tomorrow night!!  Sunday regular shift, so all in all not too shabby. 

Hoping to get back on track with my exercise, I have been a total slacker in that dept since starting the second job.  I really feel I need to get myself into some sort of routine with this once again, I would probably feel better...lol 

Eating is good, I still after all this time can't really put that many bites into my belly, so that is good....keeping the feeling full quick has helped alot in the maintenance.  So now to get back on track with the exercise and all will be good.

Have quite a busy social life coming up in July too, very excited for a family reunion, it will give us all a positive note to see our relatives, instead of the funerals we had been enduring the past few years.  Never a happy time to catch up with everyone!  My understanding is a few out of state relatives are also going to be able to make it up, which is very good news.  Also, friends are hosting a Crab Feast.  That will also be a great way to catch up with alot of friends and the kids too.  It's always a great party at their home and they are gracious enough to allow us all to come and take over!  lol 

The boy is entering into 11th grade this coming up fall.  He has really grown into quite a nice young man.  Still playing guitar and is making alot of headway with it.  He writes his own songs now also, it's really nice that he has that outlet when things aren't always going his way!  The other son, well he's a different story right now, not on a positive note, so we'll just leave it at that for now.

Still on the search for a place to live, it seems like this process is long and drawn out compared to before, but of course i am putting big restrictions on where we live plus we have the dog and alot of places do not allow pets of any type.

Work is getting better in the day job, it was really rocky there for a spell and I think things are smoothing out nicely.  That makes me happy!! 

Ok, going to see what other types of things I can get into for the weekend and I'll post again soon!

Happy Tuesday all.....had a late morning today.  Off to the allergist to see how the meds are working.  Currently on a concoction of allergy drops (like shots), a nebulizer and antibiotic.  So far it seems to be working fine, but today being a very hazy, high humidity and low pressure, my eyes were swollen, coughing when I walked into the office and they thought I was not doing well at all with the meds.  The allergist called in my ENT, who promptly sent me down for a CTScan, it shows still alot of blockage on the left side of my face, but the meds seem to work really for me (I think) so I requested to stay on them at least for the next month.  They agreed, although I am not sure they were pleased, so let's hope next month holds more promising news!! 

Worked last night, was a relatively quiet night as things go, had a good talk with someone after work, alot of questions from me and well not so many answers as I was hoping for.....I never understand, they ask and ask and want answers but you ask a question and they dart and dodge to give an answer!!  lol  my life

Off tonight and tomorrow, so I am looking forward to some really great down time as it is always good to recharge these old batteries of mine!  Wishing I were down at the beach right now, but alas bills must be paid, so speaking of that I must get back at it......until later

Mondays......

We made it back from the beach in one piece.  Yes, after work on Saturday night we drove down, dog, boy and me.  Was looking forward to a nice day off on Sunday spent with some family and friends, and that is what I got.  Not too long after I got down there I was out like a light, this is what happens when I work outside in the hot, sun from 9 to 6..lol  I did manage to wake up in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday and post that...while watching the Notebook one more time!!  I never get sick of that movie.

I was awoken at 7am, by a text message from a friend, he is a good guy and always has my back.  I am lucky to have him in my life.  So after we actually talked on the phone a bit, I got up and started getting the food ready with mom for the day.  We spent the better part of Sunday outside on the bay, brought blankets, grills, tons of food and drinks and the jetskis and enjoyed the day.  We actually had the dog on the jetski and mom took pictures.  She said his tail was wagging the whole time!!  silly doggie!!  We all got alot of sun, had a great day with friends and family and those who we met there.  I went back to mom's place took a nap and headed up last night because this a.m. they were calling for heavy rains and I didn't feel like making the trip up in the rain :(

So here we are!  Monday, it's late afternoon and I am pumped and ready for this week.  Work tonight, then off there til Thursday!!  I actually will get some pool time in on Tues and Wed after work, gotta clean up my stuff and get some laundry done but other than that it's going to be a great week.  Got a suprise at work and someone came to take me to lunch it ended up being a picnic lunch, with greek salad and grilled chicken, even remembered the blanket and it was a nice time!  Suprises are nice, especially when I never expect them!

tootles for now....

The middle of.....

well yes, it is the middle of the night, but I have come off a Friday night and all day work schedule.  No internet, no interaction with anyone on the cyber world....that is the Home Depot...lol  Yes I worked last night and back in early today for a whole day of work.  I have no access of internet and when I am done, well, I am done!

Just finished watching The Notebook, for I have no clue how many times I have watched this movie.  The love story between Noah and Ally, well it is hopeful and actually something many will ache for.  Me, I think maybe I will never get a chance again?  Not sure, and I really hope I am wrong, but right now that is how I feel.


Today was definitely interesting, not sure what tomorrow brings.
I think maybe sometimes, well ok maybe alot of times I think too much about this, look too deep into this but it's just how I feel. 

Thursdays are for..........

Hopefully relaxing and getting all this work done that needs to get done.  Thursday's always seem to be problem days here at work, and I have hit the ground running today!

No work last night or tonight, which is a blessing in disguise!  I didn't get alot of quality sleep last night, but I did sleep.  Oh, wait I need to back up.  In the last year or so, my sleep has been less than adequate, in fact I sleep less and less it seems.  I've been to the doctor, he just feels that is all my body needs, I do not appear or feel very tired throughout the day, so I guess that is it.  My problem is that I get in the pattern of falling asleep for a couple of hours, then I am up for a couple and back asleep until time to work, of course some of the days I wake up at 4am, so in theory I need to stay up for the work day, those are the days I am tired.  I usually do it for a week or two, then get one good nights sleep then back to the old pattern.  It's crazy and sometimes makes me feel horrible, but it is a part of the new life I am leading right now.  Last night I first feel asleep around 10pm, was up at 11 then up and down all night.  Thank goodness though because our power went out somewhere between 4am - 6am and since I wake up, I was able to get up and get ready for work!

Exercise - another reason I love Thursdays!!  When I am off I go to the deep heat yoga class!  It is awesome, even in the summer heat.  They heat the room up to 105 degrees and we do yoga, your body is sweating and limber and stretching and you leave feeling almost the same as a massage!  So that is tonight!!

So back to my day and hopefully it will be somewhat of a peaceful one!

Middle of the week.....middle of some thoughts.......

One of the main reasons for resuming my blog is to put my thoughts out there, as if on paper for me to come back and review in the future.  I have had alot of things swimming in my head for so long and they are all jumbled and tangled and I have made not alot of sense of much of it.

I have in the past, contemplated moving.  Just picking up and starting over.  That notion was put to bed awhile ago when the financial status of the US bottomed out.  I could not afford to not have this job or the health and other benefits that come along with it, so I squashed it.  Well in the last few weeks things here at work have me at full circle almost with the notion creeping back in my mind.  I have been so far, unsuccessful in finding a suitable place for us to move, plus a situation (that is pretty sever) has occurred here at work.   I am not going to get into details of that right now, but probably will in the future.  So it begins again, do I stay or do I go?? 

Another thing I have had put alot of thought into is my personal life.  Really since Feb of this year, I do not have a personal life!  I work, work again sometimes and then come home either fall exhausted into bed or get some chores done and then go to sleep.  LOL  Fun life I have been leading lately huh!  It is enabling me to save up some money for the move or whatever.  So personal life = non existance.  I would love to try and remedy that somewhat but not really sure if this is the time to do so.  When I do get a rare opportunity to go out, it's with friends and all pre-arranged, but more times than not I have to decline invitations.

Work today, suprisingly so far is pleasant.  Yesterday, not so much.  I have the up and down mood swing personality of a boss, so like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, you never know what you will get! 

It's beautiful weatherwise too!  Mid 80's, sunny, very low humidity....life doesn't get much better than that.

Middle of the week and there are alot of doubts

about where I will be in my life and career soon. A big bombshell was given at work yesterday, even though my boss called and gave me a days notice, it didn't take the sting and humiliation out of the email that was sent out yesterday.

I am coping, dealing with this sh*t that was handed to me, without explanation or even a chance to advance.

Tomorrow, boss is back, the list is written and the meeting will commence...until then...I've been silent and will remain so again.

Can you spell R-E-L-I-E-F

I can and it wasn't the most convention or practical way of happening. I had murmurred in the office to a few of my gal pals that I was having issues in this area. Well next thing I know I am being whisked away to the tasting room, they had made me a yummy concoction of some things I love and some I don't care for so much. So being the wonderful place where I work, I got some samples if you will. They were all so delicious and I was official taste tester of some of our newest drink menu items today :) Anyhow, about a hour or so later, viola....JACKPOT!!! My girls do know how to get the goods moving when things need moving. I feel like I weigh 15 lb less, that is how bad it was....so kudos to my girls at work for once again hooking me up with a sure thing!!! Oh and the new drinks....they are the bomb!!! lol

Uncomfortable

That is how I have been feeling lately in my work pants. The band is tight and the scale has not budged...so WTF is going on!!! I'm exasperated, also constipated, so I positive this has something to do with it, but seriously folks, I look like I'm newly pg. GAH even the written word of that made me shudder.

So I have been taking things, to try and force the bowel movement, the one I NEED so desparately and then to see what the hell I need to do to get the waist going the right way! Which obviously right now is not happening. I have been doing my yoga religiously 3 or 4 times a week, I've added back in the weights portion of workouts on opposite days and the stupid stomach crunches on the ball! I'm weak in my right arm after the disaster (I mean) fall I took in Dec. My right wrist was actually cracked almost in two and I let it heal that way so the doc said let's leave it...me I'm not happy that I am having troubles lifting a 10lb weight with it. Geez I am glad I am not at the gym where everyone would see the girl struggling to hold the stupid dumbbell.....

I have been journaling my eating too. I'm not kidding I'm sick of this pudge or tire around my middle, I mean c'mon this winter was cold but I was not THAT inactive! I know something needs to change and quick...of course that is better said than done at this point of the game. I just do not want to see the scale start creeping up. I have had two nightmares in the past few weeks about this also. I've actually jumped up out of bed and had to run to the mirror in the middle of the night to make sure I did not gain weight (Otherwise known as my former self) how pathetic is that! My heart would be racing and once I even had sweat on my brow. I think I'm truly loosing it! If I am not, I should be. I think that since losing, I've developed this sort of adversity to gain and fat people. How sad is that, I was one of them for most of my adult life, I'm no beauty queen, skinny mini or rockstar but I have worked so hard to get to where I am, I'm terrified (especially when I read of those who returned) of being FAT again!

Ok, there I've said it, it's out. Do I feel better, NO. I will probably have the nightmare again tonight!

I've also done a stellar job of staying away from the booze, no easy feat when you are out in the public with drinks so readily (and being peddled) to you at every turn. I mean, c'mon what is wrong with society, there was actually a few times in SA when they were appalled I did NOT order a cocktail, um it's 8am I want coffee! Plus work, I mean I surrounded by lots of favorites each day, it's so easy to go in the back and get a bottle to take home. So anyhow back to me, yes, I've been good, I need to learn how to moderate, which is something I was getting away from horribly, but it's seems to be in control for now, we'll see how long this lasts..lol

I am 29 months out from surgery this month, actually as of yesterday. I've maintained the weight loss that I have achieved, no easy feat in itself, but man those demons are rearing their ugly heads....

Friday

The weekend is here the weather is breaking and getting warmer! I have tons of yard work to get to this weekend but also want to get to the shore for a few hours or overnight if my mom is going to be down there. I am glad I made it through another winter (brrrr) and things are looking up.

I am going to have a low key visit this time, just hanging out and celebrating our birthday's. I'm glad I am able to pull it off although it isn't quite the surprise I had intended...so now my next trick is to get something else to be a suprise...more to come on that one!

Work is crazy busy, as usual. I am growing my dept by leaps and bounds each week and we are becoming, well more efficient I guess would be a good description of it! We have a new girl in our group and she is great, amazing that she is able to accomplish what the other did andway more without any complaining..lol

So I'm off to get ready for work and enjoy yet another pretty day!

Ok, so I skipped a day

Today was the first in 5 that I skipped my yoga and walking. I was exhausted when I got home from work and threw together a healthy dinner and relaxed a bit and said ....NO. So I will get back on track tomorrow. But seriously I don't feel I'm off track, a day off is ok now and again just not too many in row!

So tomorrow I am a serious car buyer, the check is in hand and I'm ready to shop, c'mon to me some great new,used car....god I hope I pick the right one...lol

My sweetie from TX is coming to visit this weekend, he couldn't stand the thought that I couldn't get there till the 9th of April, so he's coming here again!! yeah...I seriously can't wait to see him. I had my date last night, I thought it would be good for me to get out there and date and we had fun, friends kind of fun but it wasn't the same, so I am glad he is coming to visit. I am wondering where this is going to lead me, but right now my focus is on getting a car so.

Of course today is like winter revisited here today, what else isn't new here in DE...but soon we will be all spring and then summer so I am excited....

I ate great, exercised none and well I don't feel that I have jeopardized anything with the way things are going...yeah for me!!!

Back at the grind

Back to work today after being off for a few days being ill. I am finally really starting to feel much better so that is good. I am hoping to keep my exercise factor up since I've been successful all weekend at it. It makes me feel so much better which is such a great thing. I went out last night on my date with J. We had fun, dinner and a drink (ice tea for me!! yeah) and chatted but figured out that we weren't compatible but I have a another new friend.

This morning is chilly, back in the 20's I wish spring would just come and stay....I know soon enough it will be here full time. I can imagine what my desk at work is looking like and I am lollygagging getting ready so I need to get off this computer and get my butt in gear!

Another snow day for the kids

Day 2 and they have a snow day, I was out last night pretty late and the roads seemed fine to me...but they know better.

We have gotten the largest supplier kicked off and back in our house last night, it has been an intense couple of weeks for me, working late and getting my part of it ready, now the real work begins!! I am excited and happy they are there and the forward motion of this line is going to be a perfect fit for us, great vision.

I am counting down the days till my friend gets here, yes I am that excited. After thinking about it some, we really did click and it's a shame we don't life in the same city, I think something could come of it if we did, with this distance, well who knows.....but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

Eating has been ok, Sat, was a bust as I was feeling like crap and Sunday I ate like a fat girl and paid for it Sunday night...yesterday back on track, no exercise at all which is bad and lots of standing last night makes for some achy legs today :( so I will take my whine and call it a blog

for now!

I expect too much

That is my problem, plain and simple. I have a very good friend who put me right in my place...she is a wonderful person in all ways and I love her to death for righting me once again!

so Monday is over, I'm a month out from this darn hernia surgery and let me tell you, just when I thought I was well...nope Relapse. Today is the first day I'm allowed to exercise again, did I? Nope, will I probably not at this point in the evening. I will have to get myself back on track though. I'm glad the restrictions are starting to lift and I can have mylife back again!

Monday's stink at work. Well everyday now seems to stink at work. The new mgmt is really showing their stripes and well I'm not always in agreement, but I like the job, the people so I suck it up for now and trudge through. I don't want to even remotely think about changing anything with the whole economy and the way the world is but some days.....grr At least the price of gas is under $2/gal today! I never thought I would see that day again!

So I'm off I have some things to do...be productive so to speak....

So where do I begin

Life has had it's ups and downs in the last few weeks. Alot of them up so I'm happy about that.

The boy is going to court Monday, we were able to secure a lawyer for a good fee so hopefully they will do their job and he'll come home smelling like roses. He was also accepted at a great college and is going to try out for football as a walk on. His hs coach has talked to the coach there, as they are friends, so any help would be great. He is almost finished school, May 16th, the same night is the senior prom and graduation is the 27th. I'm so excited, thrilled and scared and can't believe my baby is graduating...wow

The other boy is adjusting now great to the new life, it's almost been 7 months....wow is all I can say, he is developing into a fine young man, of course he still throws his father's attitude at me time to time, but it's getting less and less. The bonus, both boys are making an attempt to get along with my guy, I'm so happy I could spit, what an awful expression that is.....

My guy, he's the best, been through some very scary times himself, I walked out of his life around 2 weeks ago and I guess he figured it out, he wants me there, so we are working towards this. It's so good, I can't believe I'm so happy and I have him to thank for that. He had a colonoscopy done this week, thank god it came back benign, he is getting a new job, starts May1st which will put him closer to me workwise. He took me to see Def Leppard in Reading, PA at the beginning of the month, we had a glorious weekend together and the beginning of something really special. We are both gunshy when it comes to this relationship, me just ending one and walking the hot coals of dispair, him being single for quite a while and well just not finding someone special enough to share his life with, it was quite an eye opening experience for both of us the day I walked out instead of getting into a fight about nonsense.

I go to the doc for my 18 month appointment in May, I can't believe I am almost 18 months out, 120 lb down and well for the first time in my life realizing everyday now when I wake up that this is real, I don't have the OMG, I'm going to be fat again when I look in the mirror when I first wake up anymore feelings, I'm back at the therapist, and well that's probably the best move I made in my life in a long time.

Work is well, busy, actually insane at times, but I love my job and the excitement it brings. My new boss is very excited with the me and the work I am able to perform on a monthly basis. He has hooked us up with George Michael tix for July second row, I know, I know, you think George Michael, but I love him always have.....he also got us great tix to see the Eagles vs Bears in Chicago in Sept......got to love that man!!!

WLS, wow where do I begin, I'm wearing skirts, dresses and the people I work with are always commenting on how nice I look, I'm really starting to think about myself more and more, my appearance, how I look midway through the day, things that I just let go before. I must have lived under the ugly rock for so long because I can't remember the last time I really cared what I looked like 1/2 way through the day. I am enjoying this, I still get sick on too many carbs, too many sweets, and too much food. I've had my days of overeating that just created the lump in my stomach or should I say the foamies in my mouth the feeling of utmost digust that I resorted to food for comfort when i was stressing. It's so hard somedays to break out of the fat girl way of thinking but I've come along way and I'm not giving up on myself at all. I'm still doing yoga, really intense forms of it now too, I'm probably the most limber I have ever been in my entire life. I also am doing lots of walking and my weights as well. The number on the scale fluctuates between the same five lbs so I'm very pleased. Size 6 and 8 make up the most of my wardrobe and I am very excited to create a full summer wardrobe this year. I'm still working on my plastics and hope to have them before summer is out. I wish I could have it sooner but it's just not going to happen.

Spring is here, summer on the way, windows are open, my grass is cut, car is washed and I'm a happy girl.....

Thanks to all who welcomed me back, i've had no time to catch up on reading but I will and I can't wait to see how everyone is.....

leave a comment, just say hi, thanks for being out there

Another week,another absence

It's almost where I don't where work during the day begins and at home at night ends. The time change has thrown me for a complete loop. I have been extremely tired and just can't seem to get the hang of it this time. Plus the added strain from home and work and the kids and my guy and everything else....Calgon take me away has come to mind more than once. Along with a nice warm weekend getaway that I cannot justify in my checkbook at all!

So where do I begin....kid #1 is still being a jerk, oh I'm sorry I meant to say a teenager....he and I are at odds more than ever, but I make sure every morning before I leave him at school to tell him I love him and hopefully that will carry us through this rough time.

ds2 - spent 4 hours in the Children's hospital with him today, muscle strain in the neck from gym class...not fun, no food, no forethought on my behalf of how long I was going to stay there, I was tired of waiting around, hungry and edgy....other than that he's been a pretty decent little guy to live with lately...he's finally warmiing up to my guy and well.....see next paragraph

My guy - him and I had a mentally challenging weekend last weekend. I was mentally exhausted by the time he left Monday morning, so I guess I am seeing the beginning of the end here? I don't know, nor do I put alot of work in it right now as work is crazy busy, another sign that things are aren't going well....there's alot to say here, but right now I'm not in the frame of mind for sharing alot of it.....

Work - God I need a new job, but the economy and my checkbook says we are in a recession, I have a decent paying good job that is not going anywhere, do I jeopardize this or hang in there and try to work through it. The bull in me does not like to fail so I think stick it out...but only time will tell...

Home is a wreck, I really need a maid, again my budget does not condone this behavior, will it ever, maybe when I win the powerball....I am so behind on wash and cleaning and well everything. I haven't been cooking many balanced meals, in fact when i get home I not really hungry at all.....bad bad bad... I know

Weight - same, down to the low end of where I normally weigh, again the not eating is probably the biggest contributor.

My bff, well she is no more....I'm sad and grieving over this loss, but I guess it was a long time coming, I've tried to confront her with these issues that keep popping up, but she turns the other cheek and clams up, for the love of pete I wish she would just unleash on me the wrath and get it out and over with, no such luck, and therefore, no more friend.

So in a nutshell this is my absolutely crazy disfunctional life right now, I would envy no one to step in my shoes as they are too small even for me right now and way too tight.....hopefully the horizons offer some glimmer of hope that things will change soon.

Until then I hope to post in less time than one more whole week...until then ciao