Came home to find out the cable company turned my cable off again in error...grr the worst part it will take up to three days to reconnect....and it's their fault!!
Sheesh....so no cable, turned my guy away from coming down so he could watch his beloved flyers...hopefully win
I'm kinda blue tonight, don't know why. Having some problems again with ds2, will it ever end...
Out for tonight
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Tuesday
I'm checking in really quick, Hell's kitchen is on....love, love, love that show.
AI - watched wasn't overly impressed with any of them this week maybe because it was Neil Diamond week...I don't know
It's only Tuesday - gah
I have no clothes to wear that I want to...I need to shop
I need new shoes
I want it all, and have no money
I have the most amazing bf in the world.....
My grandma is settling into assisted living, at 96 she's a rockstar in my life
My mom is getting ready for the big greek wedding!
I love my boys - both no matter what they do...
My oldest graduates in four weeks and is going to his prom in two weeks!!
My baby is going to be 18 this year!!
I'm wearing size 6, down from 10-12 this time last year
My stomach is so gassy!! I hate carbs they don't work with me at all!!
I'm tired for no apparent reason....my anemia must be gaining speed again
I have a busy May and it's going to be my bday
AI - watched wasn't overly impressed with any of them this week maybe because it was Neil Diamond week...I don't know
It's only Tuesday - gah
I have no clothes to wear that I want to...I need to shop
I need new shoes
I want it all, and have no money
I have the most amazing bf in the world.....
My grandma is settling into assisted living, at 96 she's a rockstar in my life
My mom is getting ready for the big greek wedding!
I love my boys - both no matter what they do...
My oldest graduates in four weeks and is going to his prom in two weeks!!
My baby is going to be 18 this year!!
I'm wearing size 6, down from 10-12 this time last year
My stomach is so gassy!! I hate carbs they don't work with me at all!!
I'm tired for no apparent reason....my anemia must be gaining speed again
I have a busy May and it's going to be my bday
Monday, April 28, 2008
It's over
The prosecutor offered a great deal, dropped 2 of three charges, now to pay the fine off and get the community service done then he will have no record. Thank god for small favors.
Life is good, although the rain sucks
Life is good, although the rain sucks
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Weekend is over
Tomorrow is court for ds1...boo hoo but hopefully this nightmare will be all behind us now.
Weight is up this weekend, I haven't weighed in quite a while and now I know why I need to stay on top of that....only 3 lb but it feels like 30 to me.
Had a great weekend with my guy, although he had to leave early tonight and go home....he surprised me Friday and came down after his games.....tired and all....
The divorce is proceeding, six months and counting or maybe it's six weeks. I forget what exactly I read...silly me.
The beautiful summer like weather we had is gone...boo hoo...replaced by clouds, rain and damp cool weather.
The weekend is over...
I'm 44 in two weeks....WOW
Weight is up this weekend, I haven't weighed in quite a while and now I know why I need to stay on top of that....only 3 lb but it feels like 30 to me.
Had a great weekend with my guy, although he had to leave early tonight and go home....he surprised me Friday and came down after his games.....tired and all....
The divorce is proceeding, six months and counting or maybe it's six weeks. I forget what exactly I read...silly me.
The beautiful summer like weather we had is gone...boo hoo...replaced by clouds, rain and damp cool weather.
The weekend is over...
I'm 44 in two weeks....WOW
I have been tagged......
Meme you you.The Game Meme RulesThe rules of The Game get posted on the beginning. Each player answers the rules about himself [or indeed herself]. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.
What was I doing ten years ago? Wow ten years ago, 1998. I was working at my fathers, climbing the corporate ladder and feeling very comfortable with me, my children, my marriage, but in reality I was hiding out at work, putting in long hours and being miserable....I was in for a big change starting Oct 1999.
Five things on my To-Do list today:
1. Do some wash
2. Get a mani and pedicure
3. Clean up the house
4. Organize for the flea market
5. Enjoy time with my man.
As a PS I'm happy to report I did no. 1 and 4 a little and 5 alot!!
Three of my bad habits:
1. I cuss like a sailor
2. I'm OCD
3. I like things the way I like things...enough said about that
Five places I’ve lived:
Wilmington, DE
Bear, DE
Newark, DE
that's it folks, I'm boring...hometown girl here.
Five jobs I’ve had:
1. Waitressed in college on the overnight shift
2. Temped at the biggest company in DE during summers out of college
3. Worked at Menz Restaurant in Cape may during the summers
4. Worked for my father
5. Buy wine and spirits for the state.
Five books I’ve recently read:
1. The Widow - Carla neggars
2. Lucky Man - the Michael J Fox story
3. Miracle - Danielle Steele
4. Blogs and junk on the net....I'm not much of a reader
Who do I tag.....my friends and readers out there...let me learn more about you
Susie, Leah, Melanie......
What was I doing ten years ago? Wow ten years ago, 1998. I was working at my fathers, climbing the corporate ladder and feeling very comfortable with me, my children, my marriage, but in reality I was hiding out at work, putting in long hours and being miserable....I was in for a big change starting Oct 1999.
Five things on my To-Do list today:
1. Do some wash
2. Get a mani and pedicure
3. Clean up the house
4. Organize for the flea market
5. Enjoy time with my man.
As a PS I'm happy to report I did no. 1 and 4 a little and 5 alot!!
Three of my bad habits:
1. I cuss like a sailor
2. I'm OCD
3. I like things the way I like things...enough said about that
Five places I’ve lived:
Wilmington, DE
Bear, DE
Newark, DE
that's it folks, I'm boring...hometown girl here.
Five jobs I’ve had:
1. Waitressed in college on the overnight shift
2. Temped at the biggest company in DE during summers out of college
3. Worked at Menz Restaurant in Cape may during the summers
4. Worked for my father
5. Buy wine and spirits for the state.
Five books I’ve recently read:
1. The Widow - Carla neggars
2. Lucky Man - the Michael J Fox story
3. Miracle - Danielle Steele
4. Blogs and junk on the net....I'm not much of a reader
Who do I tag.....my friends and readers out there...let me learn more about you
Susie, Leah, Melanie......
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
So where do I begin
Life has had it's ups and downs in the last few weeks. Alot of them up so I'm happy about that.
The boy is going to court Monday, we were able to secure a lawyer for a good fee so hopefully they will do their job and he'll come home smelling like roses. He was also accepted at a great college and is going to try out for football as a walk on. His hs coach has talked to the coach there, as they are friends, so any help would be great. He is almost finished school, May 16th, the same night is the senior prom and graduation is the 27th. I'm so excited, thrilled and scared and can't believe my baby is graduating...wow
The other boy is adjusting now great to the new life, it's almost been 7 months....wow is all I can say, he is developing into a fine young man, of course he still throws his father's attitude at me time to time, but it's getting less and less. The bonus, both boys are making an attempt to get along with my guy, I'm so happy I could spit, what an awful expression that is.....
My guy, he's the best, been through some very scary times himself, I walked out of his life around 2 weeks ago and I guess he figured it out, he wants me there, so we are working towards this. It's so good, I can't believe I'm so happy and I have him to thank for that. He had a colonoscopy done this week, thank god it came back benign, he is getting a new job, starts May1st which will put him closer to me workwise. He took me to see Def Leppard in Reading, PA at the beginning of the month, we had a glorious weekend together and the beginning of something really special. We are both gunshy when it comes to this relationship, me just ending one and walking the hot coals of dispair, him being single for quite a while and well just not finding someone special enough to share his life with, it was quite an eye opening experience for both of us the day I walked out instead of getting into a fight about nonsense.
I go to the doc for my 18 month appointment in May, I can't believe I am almost 18 months out, 120 lb down and well for the first time in my life realizing everyday now when I wake up that this is real, I don't have the OMG, I'm going to be fat again when I look in the mirror when I first wake up anymore feelings, I'm back at the therapist, and well that's probably the best move I made in my life in a long time.
Work is well, busy, actually insane at times, but I love my job and the excitement it brings. My new boss is very excited with the me and the work I am able to perform on a monthly basis. He has hooked us up with George Michael tix for July second row, I know, I know, you think George Michael, but I love him always have.....he also got us great tix to see the Eagles vs Bears in Chicago in Sept......got to love that man!!!
WLS, wow where do I begin, I'm wearing skirts, dresses and the people I work with are always commenting on how nice I look, I'm really starting to think about myself more and more, my appearance, how I look midway through the day, things that I just let go before. I must have lived under the ugly rock for so long because I can't remember the last time I really cared what I looked like 1/2 way through the day. I am enjoying this, I still get sick on too many carbs, too many sweets, and too much food. I've had my days of overeating that just created the lump in my stomach or should I say the foamies in my mouth the feeling of utmost digust that I resorted to food for comfort when i was stressing. It's so hard somedays to break out of the fat girl way of thinking but I've come along way and I'm not giving up on myself at all. I'm still doing yoga, really intense forms of it now too, I'm probably the most limber I have ever been in my entire life. I also am doing lots of walking and my weights as well. The number on the scale fluctuates between the same five lbs so I'm very pleased. Size 6 and 8 make up the most of my wardrobe and I am very excited to create a full summer wardrobe this year. I'm still working on my plastics and hope to have them before summer is out. I wish I could have it sooner but it's just not going to happen.
Spring is here, summer on the way, windows are open, my grass is cut, car is washed and I'm a happy girl.....
Thanks to all who welcomed me back, i've had no time to catch up on reading but I will and I can't wait to see how everyone is.....
leave a comment, just say hi, thanks for being out there
The boy is going to court Monday, we were able to secure a lawyer for a good fee so hopefully they will do their job and he'll come home smelling like roses. He was also accepted at a great college and is going to try out for football as a walk on. His hs coach has talked to the coach there, as they are friends, so any help would be great. He is almost finished school, May 16th, the same night is the senior prom and graduation is the 27th. I'm so excited, thrilled and scared and can't believe my baby is graduating...wow
The other boy is adjusting now great to the new life, it's almost been 7 months....wow is all I can say, he is developing into a fine young man, of course he still throws his father's attitude at me time to time, but it's getting less and less. The bonus, both boys are making an attempt to get along with my guy, I'm so happy I could spit, what an awful expression that is.....
My guy, he's the best, been through some very scary times himself, I walked out of his life around 2 weeks ago and I guess he figured it out, he wants me there, so we are working towards this. It's so good, I can't believe I'm so happy and I have him to thank for that. He had a colonoscopy done this week, thank god it came back benign, he is getting a new job, starts May1st which will put him closer to me workwise. He took me to see Def Leppard in Reading, PA at the beginning of the month, we had a glorious weekend together and the beginning of something really special. We are both gunshy when it comes to this relationship, me just ending one and walking the hot coals of dispair, him being single for quite a while and well just not finding someone special enough to share his life with, it was quite an eye opening experience for both of us the day I walked out instead of getting into a fight about nonsense.
I go to the doc for my 18 month appointment in May, I can't believe I am almost 18 months out, 120 lb down and well for the first time in my life realizing everyday now when I wake up that this is real, I don't have the OMG, I'm going to be fat again when I look in the mirror when I first wake up anymore feelings, I'm back at the therapist, and well that's probably the best move I made in my life in a long time.
Work is well, busy, actually insane at times, but I love my job and the excitement it brings. My new boss is very excited with the me and the work I am able to perform on a monthly basis. He has hooked us up with George Michael tix for July second row, I know, I know, you think George Michael, but I love him always have.....he also got us great tix to see the Eagles vs Bears in Chicago in Sept......got to love that man!!!
WLS, wow where do I begin, I'm wearing skirts, dresses and the people I work with are always commenting on how nice I look, I'm really starting to think about myself more and more, my appearance, how I look midway through the day, things that I just let go before. I must have lived under the ugly rock for so long because I can't remember the last time I really cared what I looked like 1/2 way through the day. I am enjoying this, I still get sick on too many carbs, too many sweets, and too much food. I've had my days of overeating that just created the lump in my stomach or should I say the foamies in my mouth the feeling of utmost digust that I resorted to food for comfort when i was stressing. It's so hard somedays to break out of the fat girl way of thinking but I've come along way and I'm not giving up on myself at all. I'm still doing yoga, really intense forms of it now too, I'm probably the most limber I have ever been in my entire life. I also am doing lots of walking and my weights as well. The number on the scale fluctuates between the same five lbs so I'm very pleased. Size 6 and 8 make up the most of my wardrobe and I am very excited to create a full summer wardrobe this year. I'm still working on my plastics and hope to have them before summer is out. I wish I could have it sooner but it's just not going to happen.
Spring is here, summer on the way, windows are open, my grass is cut, car is washed and I'm a happy girl.....
Thanks to all who welcomed me back, i've had no time to catch up on reading but I will and I can't wait to see how everyone is.....
leave a comment, just say hi, thanks for being out there
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I'm finally back
it's been along time without computer service, I've missed so much and everyone....alot is going on and I'm too tired to draw it all out tonight....
I hope I still have some readers/friends left out there....
I hope I still have some readers/friends left out there....
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I expected more and got nothing
Well I guess that about sums it up in the silly nonsensical way I've been blogging lately. Yesterday was perfect for us, everything we did and everywhere we went was a dream, almost too good to be true. Yes, this is the reality, today was a shit day, he's gone already, we talked, a little, nothing resolved, and nothing gained nothing lost. I hate this feeling of limbo because to be honest, it's draining me, mentally and physically. Throw into the mix that my oldest is in trouble with the law again and well I am having a shit day. So the guy went home, not a minute too soon, although I miss him horribly because there was no US time at all this weekend, we did things, included kids, he brought his dog (who is very needy and he gives in to her every whim) and well I'm left in the cold....that's how I felt and made it perfectly clear....so another unproductive day. At least I have a few hours of solititude until both boys are home, so I am off to enjoy them. I so want to post good news, hopefully one day really soon.... weight today - down 3 lb...I hate trauma and drama
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Let's make it three.....
Well today I did not want to get up and go to bowling, horrible sinus headache but then that means our day will be beautiful out there. I can't wait till the weather starts to get just a tad bit warmer, but what I want to do today and what I will do today are two different things. I was invited down to Turkey Point, in MD, it's simply beautiful there, the lighthouse, looking out over the two rivers meeting....it is simply a beautiful place and sometimes when things are really bad I go there to think. It's been a while (probably since Oct) since I've been there...i do miss it there but I'm not going :(
I have unfinished business with my guy, he says I'm not the same girl he met...I think I am, but just small things have melded us together, I get teary eyed thinking he won't be in my life much more but I also, am stronger knowing that I can't go on the way things are all the time with us. I'm bracing myself (w/Xanax) for another mentally challenging two days, I have to get this over with and well, it needs to be addressed out in the open and well we'll see.
He hasn't come down yet, and I feel at peace, it's surreal to know that I do better without him around than with him around. I do like him alot, I respect him and a piece of me has fallen hard for him, but my brain and mental side say he's bad for me in the long run, I know it and everyone else does (or so they've told me so) and well he doesn't I don't want this to be painful, I hate causing pain on anyone as I hate the pain being on me, but it has to happen, I can on and on this whole blog about this...like I'm trying to find a way that it will work when I know deep down it's not going to. I feel that the concert we are supposed to go to is the last hurrah, in a way I guess it will be, I don't know, but I do know that I hate that I'm putting my favorite band out there and creating a memory that may not be the most pleasant for my life. I'm torn, my heart is in shreds trying to make sense of this....as I am typing this as I have typed many blogs about this, I'm tearing up....I know what is right to do and I know what I am currently doing which are two entirely separate things.
Give me strength and hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with more good news not this incessant whining....
weight today (because I'm a scale whore) the same....eating today, very bad I can't seem to want to put anything in my tummy.
I have unfinished business with my guy, he says I'm not the same girl he met...I think I am, but just small things have melded us together, I get teary eyed thinking he won't be in my life much more but I also, am stronger knowing that I can't go on the way things are all the time with us. I'm bracing myself (w/Xanax) for another mentally challenging two days, I have to get this over with and well, it needs to be addressed out in the open and well we'll see.
He hasn't come down yet, and I feel at peace, it's surreal to know that I do better without him around than with him around. I do like him alot, I respect him and a piece of me has fallen hard for him, but my brain and mental side say he's bad for me in the long run, I know it and everyone else does (or so they've told me so) and well he doesn't I don't want this to be painful, I hate causing pain on anyone as I hate the pain being on me, but it has to happen, I can on and on this whole blog about this...like I'm trying to find a way that it will work when I know deep down it's not going to. I feel that the concert we are supposed to go to is the last hurrah, in a way I guess it will be, I don't know, but I do know that I hate that I'm putting my favorite band out there and creating a memory that may not be the most pleasant for my life. I'm torn, my heart is in shreds trying to make sense of this....as I am typing this as I have typed many blogs about this, I'm tearing up....I know what is right to do and I know what I am currently doing which are two entirely separate things.
Give me strength and hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with more good news not this incessant whining....
weight today (because I'm a scale whore) the same....eating today, very bad I can't seem to want to put anything in my tummy.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Two days in a row, I'm making a comeback
Ok so this is a first in a long time, and to be perfectly honest it's really the best outlet for me to get things out there.....I know I have some readers that probably could give two craps but this is my blog and well that's the end of it.
First and this is the most important dilemna I have been going through in my life is my guy....I like him ALOT!! it's really scary how much, but lately it's been so mentally challenging for me, when we are apart we are great but together, well that's a whole nother story. It's a sad realization that this is it....the beginning of the end, and well I'm not sure he's feeling the same way I am about this. I brought up the subject last night in our daily call and he quickly as usual changed the subject, it's amazing to me that he doesn't want to talk about this, most men would run and hide and simply never call a girl back, my guy, just ignores it likes it's going to go away on it's own, NOT!!! So I guess I'm really going to have to push the envelope and get this discussion under way once and for all. He's only coming down for a short visit tomorrow and I'm going to bring it up and tell him, we need to air this out once and for all....I can't go on every weekend this way.
So weight loss, I'm holding steady, I need to get labs done soon for my next checkup, but I've been doing really well getting in my protein (via food only, all shakes are done) and lots of fruits and veggies and well sometimes too many carbs and candy, but that really has been a minimum of the last few weeks, I was gaining and had that nice little talk with myself last week and I'm back down 10lb, cutting carbs, the bad ones is all it takes for me...plus my gastrointestinal tract is smiling too, I'm not so bloated and uncomfortable. I'm happy I have a four day work week next week and I plan on doing alot of relaxing and hanging with the one kiddo this weekend.
Life in general is good, I'm dealing with alot of shit all at once and sometimes it really seems overwhelming and well to not get in here every day and blog it really backs up on me....so I've pledged to get in at minimum every other day if not everyone, of course I know life gets in the way and of course the nicer weather that is slowly coming around will pursuade me outdoors.
DS2 is doing well after his little episode in the childrens hospital, he's been a bit sore today and stayed home from school, medicating every 6 hours or so, and he definitely took it easy..hopefully it won't interfere with his bowling in the morning. I'll pop a valium in my purse just in case..
So life is motoring along, my sister and her husband are home and I would love to see them sometime this weekend also!!
Here's to a good one...ciao
First and this is the most important dilemna I have been going through in my life is my guy....I like him ALOT!! it's really scary how much, but lately it's been so mentally challenging for me, when we are apart we are great but together, well that's a whole nother story. It's a sad realization that this is it....the beginning of the end, and well I'm not sure he's feeling the same way I am about this. I brought up the subject last night in our daily call and he quickly as usual changed the subject, it's amazing to me that he doesn't want to talk about this, most men would run and hide and simply never call a girl back, my guy, just ignores it likes it's going to go away on it's own, NOT!!! So I guess I'm really going to have to push the envelope and get this discussion under way once and for all. He's only coming down for a short visit tomorrow and I'm going to bring it up and tell him, we need to air this out once and for all....I can't go on every weekend this way.
So weight loss, I'm holding steady, I need to get labs done soon for my next checkup, but I've been doing really well getting in my protein (via food only, all shakes are done) and lots of fruits and veggies and well sometimes too many carbs and candy, but that really has been a minimum of the last few weeks, I was gaining and had that nice little talk with myself last week and I'm back down 10lb, cutting carbs, the bad ones is all it takes for me...plus my gastrointestinal tract is smiling too, I'm not so bloated and uncomfortable. I'm happy I have a four day work week next week and I plan on doing alot of relaxing and hanging with the one kiddo this weekend.
Life in general is good, I'm dealing with alot of shit all at once and sometimes it really seems overwhelming and well to not get in here every day and blog it really backs up on me....so I've pledged to get in at minimum every other day if not everyone, of course I know life gets in the way and of course the nicer weather that is slowly coming around will pursuade me outdoors.
DS2 is doing well after his little episode in the childrens hospital, he's been a bit sore today and stayed home from school, medicating every 6 hours or so, and he definitely took it easy..hopefully it won't interfere with his bowling in the morning. I'll pop a valium in my purse just in case..
So life is motoring along, my sister and her husband are home and I would love to see them sometime this weekend also!!
Here's to a good one...ciao
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Another week,another absence
It's almost where I don't where work during the day begins and at home at night ends. The time change has thrown me for a complete loop. I have been extremely tired and just can't seem to get the hang of it this time. Plus the added strain from home and work and the kids and my guy and everything else....Calgon take me away has come to mind more than once. Along with a nice warm weekend getaway that I cannot justify in my checkbook at all!
So where do I begin....kid #1 is still being a jerk, oh I'm sorry I meant to say a teenager....he and I are at odds more than ever, but I make sure every morning before I leave him at school to tell him I love him and hopefully that will carry us through this rough time.
ds2 - spent 4 hours in the Children's hospital with him today, muscle strain in the neck from gym class...not fun, no food, no forethought on my behalf of how long I was going to stay there, I was tired of waiting around, hungry and edgy....other than that he's been a pretty decent little guy to live with lately...he's finally warmiing up to my guy and well.....see next paragraph
My guy - him and I had a mentally challenging weekend last weekend. I was mentally exhausted by the time he left Monday morning, so I guess I am seeing the beginning of the end here? I don't know, nor do I put alot of work in it right now as work is crazy busy, another sign that things are aren't going well....there's alot to say here, but right now I'm not in the frame of mind for sharing alot of it.....
Work - God I need a new job, but the economy and my checkbook says we are in a recession, I have a decent paying good job that is not going anywhere, do I jeopardize this or hang in there and try to work through it. The bull in me does not like to fail so I think stick it out...but only time will tell...
Home is a wreck, I really need a maid, again my budget does not condone this behavior, will it ever, maybe when I win the powerball....I am so behind on wash and cleaning and well everything. I haven't been cooking many balanced meals, in fact when i get home I not really hungry at all.....bad bad bad... I know
Weight - same, down to the low end of where I normally weigh, again the not eating is probably the biggest contributor.
My bff, well she is no more....I'm sad and grieving over this loss, but I guess it was a long time coming, I've tried to confront her with these issues that keep popping up, but she turns the other cheek and clams up, for the love of pete I wish she would just unleash on me the wrath and get it out and over with, no such luck, and therefore, no more friend.
So in a nutshell this is my absolutely crazy disfunctional life right now, I would envy no one to step in my shoes as they are too small even for me right now and way too tight.....hopefully the horizons offer some glimmer of hope that things will change soon.
Until then I hope to post in less time than one more whole week...until then ciao
So where do I begin....kid #1 is still being a jerk, oh I'm sorry I meant to say a teenager....he and I are at odds more than ever, but I make sure every morning before I leave him at school to tell him I love him and hopefully that will carry us through this rough time.
ds2 - spent 4 hours in the Children's hospital with him today, muscle strain in the neck from gym class...not fun, no food, no forethought on my behalf of how long I was going to stay there, I was tired of waiting around, hungry and edgy....other than that he's been a pretty decent little guy to live with lately...he's finally warmiing up to my guy and well.....see next paragraph
My guy - him and I had a mentally challenging weekend last weekend. I was mentally exhausted by the time he left Monday morning, so I guess I am seeing the beginning of the end here? I don't know, nor do I put alot of work in it right now as work is crazy busy, another sign that things are aren't going well....there's alot to say here, but right now I'm not in the frame of mind for sharing alot of it.....
Work - God I need a new job, but the economy and my checkbook says we are in a recession, I have a decent paying good job that is not going anywhere, do I jeopardize this or hang in there and try to work through it. The bull in me does not like to fail so I think stick it out...but only time will tell...
Home is a wreck, I really need a maid, again my budget does not condone this behavior, will it ever, maybe when I win the powerball....I am so behind on wash and cleaning and well everything. I haven't been cooking many balanced meals, in fact when i get home I not really hungry at all.....bad bad bad... I know
Weight - same, down to the low end of where I normally weigh, again the not eating is probably the biggest contributor.
My bff, well she is no more....I'm sad and grieving over this loss, but I guess it was a long time coming, I've tried to confront her with these issues that keep popping up, but she turns the other cheek and clams up, for the love of pete I wish she would just unleash on me the wrath and get it out and over with, no such luck, and therefore, no more friend.
So in a nutshell this is my absolutely crazy disfunctional life right now, I would envy no one to step in my shoes as they are too small even for me right now and way too tight.....hopefully the horizons offer some glimmer of hope that things will change soon.
Until then I hope to post in less time than one more whole week...until then ciao
Thursday, March 06, 2008
It's been a while
I love that song...lol
But man I miss you guys. Things have been crazy, work is good we are gaining alot of great lines but it is keeping me way too busy to get in here and blog. Life at home is busy too, my oldest son was in an accident Monday (this past) and wrecked my car, the same night as I was up in NYC picking up my sis and her husband from the airport in from Greece. I am up early everyday and to bed late, I'm beyond exhausted and well to be honest haven't been eating well, not exercising ENOUGH and well the sad truth is I put on weight!! Now before we all get well you are too busy and blah, blah, blah let's remember why we did this, so we could learn a new, healthy way of life and what do I do in times of crunch, revert back hard to the old ways!! blah.....so tonight I sat myself down and had a long talk with me, about carbs and candy and snacks and putting things to eat in my mouth mindlessly, eating too much or too many of the wrong things, not getting in here and blogging to keep me going. So I'm on the 5 day pouch test, let's see how much damage I've been inflicting on myself. Tomorrow starts day 1.
On a brighter note me and my guy are getting along great, I can't wait to see him tomorrow, all dapper and handsome in his suit coming home from work. I just can't wait until we get more time together, not that what we have isn't nice but the quality every evening time is what i miss, snuggling up to a warm body at night and knowing when they put their arm around you they mean it, and you feel all warm and fuzzy and protected. That's how he makes me feel :)
So I have been keeping up on yoga, it's my saving grace from going crazy, but other than that zilch, zip, nada....oh vey...things have to change.
My ex MIL also graced me with 5 great high quality business suits too, they are chic and pretty and well I look fab in them, 3 are a bit snug in the belly, so carbs as much as I love you all, goodbye!!!
Other than that, ds2 is almost done bowling and well I can't wait to start manicure and pedicure season, in fact I'm treating myself to a pre-spring pedi tomorrow night, just because....well just because I need to spoil myself on something nice, oh and I did go shopping last weekend, lots of great sales and end of season clearances, I scored big and well I shall be styling again in no time, now I have to make a hair appointment and then I'll be perfect...
I miss you all, I'm glad for the messages and I know I'm back with a vengeance....spring and summer are right around the corner...
But man I miss you guys. Things have been crazy, work is good we are gaining alot of great lines but it is keeping me way too busy to get in here and blog. Life at home is busy too, my oldest son was in an accident Monday (this past) and wrecked my car, the same night as I was up in NYC picking up my sis and her husband from the airport in from Greece. I am up early everyday and to bed late, I'm beyond exhausted and well to be honest haven't been eating well, not exercising ENOUGH and well the sad truth is I put on weight!! Now before we all get well you are too busy and blah, blah, blah let's remember why we did this, so we could learn a new, healthy way of life and what do I do in times of crunch, revert back hard to the old ways!! blah.....so tonight I sat myself down and had a long talk with me, about carbs and candy and snacks and putting things to eat in my mouth mindlessly, eating too much or too many of the wrong things, not getting in here and blogging to keep me going. So I'm on the 5 day pouch test, let's see how much damage I've been inflicting on myself. Tomorrow starts day 1.
On a brighter note me and my guy are getting along great, I can't wait to see him tomorrow, all dapper and handsome in his suit coming home from work. I just can't wait until we get more time together, not that what we have isn't nice but the quality every evening time is what i miss, snuggling up to a warm body at night and knowing when they put their arm around you they mean it, and you feel all warm and fuzzy and protected. That's how he makes me feel :)
So I have been keeping up on yoga, it's my saving grace from going crazy, but other than that zilch, zip, nada....oh vey...things have to change.
My ex MIL also graced me with 5 great high quality business suits too, they are chic and pretty and well I look fab in them, 3 are a bit snug in the belly, so carbs as much as I love you all, goodbye!!!
Other than that, ds2 is almost done bowling and well I can't wait to start manicure and pedicure season, in fact I'm treating myself to a pre-spring pedi tomorrow night, just because....well just because I need to spoil myself on something nice, oh and I did go shopping last weekend, lots of great sales and end of season clearances, I scored big and well I shall be styling again in no time, now I have to make a hair appointment and then I'll be perfect...
I miss you all, I'm glad for the messages and I know I'm back with a vengeance....spring and summer are right around the corner...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Screeching halt
That's where I think my life has ended this weekend. not a good, not even in the least bit. Yesterday was a mind blowing miserable day, the man and I had alot of long conversations, none of them were good. I came home aftewards and he followed down soon after that, we had a great night, thought things were on the up and up....fast forward to today, nope right back where we started out yesterday, this time he felt the need to leave rather than talk. I just don't get it, if I heard that one more time I was going to blow, literally. I know we all have our good days and bad days but to say you are having a bad day when I woke up happy and content...well let's just say it was said one too many times and well....miserable mood 101 here I come.
I also have to say that I mollified myself with 2 chips a hoy cookies. WTF is that....I know, old demons, emotional eating, all of the above and none of it helped. It's over, he's home, I'm home and I'm miserable. Nothing solved, nothing gained and I feel like alot is lost. I feel empty and lonely and there is still alot of cookies left to soothe this feeling. Need to stay away that is the game plan. Called a friend, no where to be found. I'm rambling and I need to right now, here and now....life sucks today!!
I also have to say that I mollified myself with 2 chips a hoy cookies. WTF is that....I know, old demons, emotional eating, all of the above and none of it helped. It's over, he's home, I'm home and I'm miserable. Nothing solved, nothing gained and I feel like alot is lost. I feel empty and lonely and there is still alot of cookies left to soothe this feeling. Need to stay away that is the game plan. Called a friend, no where to be found. I'm rambling and I need to right now, here and now....life sucks today!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Let the research begin
So I did alot of research today online and through others close by who have had wls and reconstructive surgeries also and wow there is alot of information out there. The best thing I found was a website that is going to enable me to finance a portion of this reconstruction since usually and typically the insurance won't pay for a cosmetic surgery. So I've enrolled with them and am waiting till Friday to see how much they are going to finance. The best part is the doctor who is close by and has come to support group meetings to talk to us about ps' in the past is the doctor that I will see because he works in conjunction with this particular finance company. I am very, very jazzed by that whole thing because 1) I've met this doctor, albeit informal but have spoken with him one on one before and 2) he comes highly recommended not only by my weight loss surgeon but also my primary care doctor. Score one big 10 for me today on that one.
So now I wait and once I hear what I need to come up with, maybe as little as $100, then they will make my consult appointment and the ball will be rolling. I'm very excited.
On a different note, last night I was reviewing some pics for sister in Greece from her visit last summer, I'm only 20 lb less now, but wow what a difference I saw in my body from the yoga, weight and workouts...the difference was amazing and even I could see it. Makes a lot of sense and some positive reinforcement to keep working out even when I dont' want to....which I will be doing shortly after I get off here.
Oh and here's the best for last, I found a website.....myfreeimplants.com ok click over and check it out. It's where girls go and solicit help from guys to get their implants paid for....prostitution 101 is what I made that out to be, they are selling pics of themselves to guys who will pay them $$ to put in an account to get a breast implants. All they deal with is breast implants. I guess if you are one who has no care what you do for money then I say go for it, me I guess I'm just too old and well I have another plan in mind for myself...
It's snowing again today and of course Friday is a date night with my man, he's supposed to take me out on the town in Philadelphia and what is the weather calling for ICE!! can you frikkin believe it....I hope mother nature changes her tune between now and then....
So now I wait and once I hear what I need to come up with, maybe as little as $100, then they will make my consult appointment and the ball will be rolling. I'm very excited.
On a different note, last night I was reviewing some pics for sister in Greece from her visit last summer, I'm only 20 lb less now, but wow what a difference I saw in my body from the yoga, weight and workouts...the difference was amazing and even I could see it. Makes a lot of sense and some positive reinforcement to keep working out even when I dont' want to....which I will be doing shortly after I get off here.
Oh and here's the best for last, I found a website.....myfreeimplants.com ok click over and check it out. It's where girls go and solicit help from guys to get their implants paid for....prostitution 101 is what I made that out to be, they are selling pics of themselves to guys who will pay them $$ to put in an account to get a breast implants. All they deal with is breast implants. I guess if you are one who has no care what you do for money then I say go for it, me I guess I'm just too old and well I have another plan in mind for myself...
It's snowing again today and of course Friday is a date night with my man, he's supposed to take me out on the town in Philadelphia and what is the weather calling for ICE!! can you frikkin believe it....I hope mother nature changes her tune between now and then....
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
The Journey, Part 2
I have stabilized on my weight loss, I currently weight in anywhere from 135-140 depending on the day and the time i weigh in. I think for the most part I'm done with weight loss...so now I'm starting to think about plastics.
When I first started this journey I know deep down in my heart I always thought I would be so grateful to just lose the weight and well I didn't care if I had plastics or not, leaning towards more the not having them done.
Well alot has changed both mentally, physically and emotionally for me in this journey. I am closing the book so much as far as expected weight loss as if I lost anymore I would be too thin according to BMI, but I am not closing this blog it is simply progressing into the next phase of what I want to do with my whole body transformation.
Now this may get a little graphic for some but it is my blog and I need to get it out, down on paper and rationalize the whole thing so i can see it. I want plastics, at least a breast augmentation....do i want implants, well I don't think so but I have a consult with a ps to discuss the options and so that I can chose what is best for me. Do I want a tummy tuck, sure I would love one, do I want a LBL? No, not really, I don't have the excess skin so much in the back it's simply the flab on the front that is most bothersome to me. Do I want my arms and thighs done, sure but will I probably not....
Having said all this the boobs are first and foremost in my mind. I spent last summer wearing a bathing suit for the first time in years, and of course I spent my whole time in self conscious of my girls swaying like an old lady pendulums at my waist. It's embarrasing and well you can imagine how I feel without a bathing suit on.....utter disgust. Now mind you it's not the same as the disgust I used to have over the way my body looked before, but the whole fat loss has left my breasts, formerly 44DDD a deflated 34D and that is on a good day and saved by Body by Victoria bras....Of course they make me look hot with the bra on but you can't wear the bra everywhere and really I just have a mass of skin with no shape shoved in there to make it look nice...the perk with a shirt I look hot, without the bra, old lady sag....
So I'm starting to really think through what I want to do moving forward and well I think I've changed my mind about plastics!
When I first started this journey I know deep down in my heart I always thought I would be so grateful to just lose the weight and well I didn't care if I had plastics or not, leaning towards more the not having them done.
Well alot has changed both mentally, physically and emotionally for me in this journey. I am closing the book so much as far as expected weight loss as if I lost anymore I would be too thin according to BMI, but I am not closing this blog it is simply progressing into the next phase of what I want to do with my whole body transformation.
Now this may get a little graphic for some but it is my blog and I need to get it out, down on paper and rationalize the whole thing so i can see it. I want plastics, at least a breast augmentation....do i want implants, well I don't think so but I have a consult with a ps to discuss the options and so that I can chose what is best for me. Do I want a tummy tuck, sure I would love one, do I want a LBL? No, not really, I don't have the excess skin so much in the back it's simply the flab on the front that is most bothersome to me. Do I want my arms and thighs done, sure but will I probably not....
Having said all this the boobs are first and foremost in my mind. I spent last summer wearing a bathing suit for the first time in years, and of course I spent my whole time in self conscious of my girls swaying like an old lady pendulums at my waist. It's embarrasing and well you can imagine how I feel without a bathing suit on.....utter disgust. Now mind you it's not the same as the disgust I used to have over the way my body looked before, but the whole fat loss has left my breasts, formerly 44DDD a deflated 34D and that is on a good day and saved by Body by Victoria bras....Of course they make me look hot with the bra on but you can't wear the bra everywhere and really I just have a mass of skin with no shape shoved in there to make it look nice...the perk with a shirt I look hot, without the bra, old lady sag....
So I'm starting to really think through what I want to do moving forward and well I think I've changed my mind about plastics!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Valentines - Post op
I never really thought about the amount of candy I would consume on Valentines Day until today, or should I say this year. I would buy my children all my favorite candy when they were little, so I could sneak a taste or two, or five or six or whatever ungodly amount I would consume. I never really realized that I never bought the candy for them at Valentines or Easter or any other holiday for that matter, but I would pick out all my favorites, instilling in them that they were also their favorites...yeah right...well anyhow, this year, there is no candy. Boy2 wants an ipod case and something else, boy1 wants gas money. How times have changed and I had decided to just ask them, I love my boys more than life itself and if buying them one thing they would "love" to have then I feel like an accomplished mother.
Happy Valentines to all my friends out there!
Happy Valentines to all my friends out there!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Rain, sleet, snow and ice......oh my
Driving home tonight was more fun than.....well NOT...it took me over one hour to do a 15 minute ride, along the way I encountered roads being closed due to severe icing right before my eyes, in fact the last stretch of roadway I encounter to my development was being closed as I was trying to pass through and I had to show the cop my license and prove I wasn't just trying to get over on them. I'm glad I'm home, more than I can say for my guy who is shacking up hopefully right now in Philly for the night since 95 south is closed and all the bridges leading out of Philly are closed due to the severe icing. The relief comes as rain around midnight and lots of it, so by the time I'm ready to leave tomorrow, I'm going to be smooth sailing in.
Still doing yoga, it's quite a challenging series and since I've started with their program, about 3 weeks now, I haven't had one repeat program, pretty sweet. They really emphasize core spots and work them really good. As for belly dancing, well I'm so sore from it, that I didn't participate today :( The poor body just needed a rest I guess.
Weight is the same, which is good. I am noticing some toning going on which is better :)
All in all, life is beautiful
Still doing yoga, it's quite a challenging series and since I've started with their program, about 3 weeks now, I haven't had one repeat program, pretty sweet. They really emphasize core spots and work them really good. As for belly dancing, well I'm so sore from it, that I didn't participate today :( The poor body just needed a rest I guess.
Weight is the same, which is good. I am noticing some toning going on which is better :)
All in all, life is beautiful
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Two days in a row
I'm on a winning streak...lol
My guy surprised me last night by driving down and bringing me roses. How sweet he is and how wonderful it made and is still making me feel. I've definitely got a winner!!
Not much else going on, yoga was good, belly dancing was super fun, we learned head and arm movements today along with hip ones that make your thighs scream in pain..
I'm tired, came home and took 1 hour nap instead of cleaning like a good girl I was supposed to be. I'm still tired and am turning in early tonight.....
The weekend is kid free and unplanned except for stamping tomorrow night...wonder what I will get into???
My guy surprised me last night by driving down and bringing me roses. How sweet he is and how wonderful it made and is still making me feel. I've definitely got a winner!!
Not much else going on, yoga was good, belly dancing was super fun, we learned head and arm movements today along with hip ones that make your thighs scream in pain..
I'm tired, came home and took 1 hour nap instead of cleaning like a good girl I was supposed to be. I'm still tired and am turning in early tonight.....
The weekend is kid free and unplanned except for stamping tomorrow night...wonder what I will get into???
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Ash Wednesday
Like a good catholic I stopped by church on the way to work and got my ashes...alot of people where I work are Catholic so we looked like clones of some sort of science experiement gone bad. Anyhow the reason to bring all this up, is Lent is a season of giving up, like Jesus did for us. So being a WLS patient and even though I'm over a year out, I'm using this opportunity to renew my WLS diet, to cut out the chips that have crept back in. At first they were just there and maybe I'd have some once in a while, when all of a sudden I notice that every night lately I've been diving into the chips. Stress at work, bad, no make that poor eating habits pre surgery all contribute to this. Is it right, NOPE, does it happen, YES. And with this I am doing something about it. I haven't gained any weight back from all of this, but I feel like it bloats me, salt, carbs, nothing good about what I've been shoveling in there lately. So my pledge to myself for the next 40 days is no chips. Good lord, it will be a long 40 days and I'm almost already regretting this decision, but I know in the end I will be better for it.
So STBXH seems like he will be homeless STBXH soon....no $$ is rolling his way and well it's not my problem, of course that means ds2 will NOT be visiting either until I see with my own two eyes that there is a place for him in a home...and not just any home either.
DS1 has an interview finally, fingers and toes crossed for him to get this job, I know it will help him out alot.
My guy has requested my presence for a date on Friday night, I can't wait, he said dress nice and be at his house at 8pm...I'm so excited.
Speaking of Friday night I have stamping. Haven't been since Oct, with conflict of interest for Nov and holidays, I'm excited to see the girls and get some projects and new techniques started. Just have to make sure I go prepared to leave and dash up to PA pronto.
Work is crazy, I've been logging in 9+ hour days lately, mostly going in really early before anyone wakes up so I can get some work done!! It's amazing how much I need to do and still do just to catch up.
Home is ok, I am starting to think about painting because I've decided I'm still going to try and sell the house in the spring. I hope it can be accomplished but if not, well then I stay....we'll see and I'm sure there will be more on this in the upcoming months. Besides the house needs painting anyway..lol
Yoga and belly dancing are still going well. The past two days though yoga has kicked my ass. They were really hard classes and did moves that I could not perform, in fact I couldn't even perform a simple balance move yesterday, it just proved to me how much stress impacts your life and my concentration so that I could perform the moves, which I couldn't. Deep breath and move on.
Weather has been beautiful also here the last few days, I'm sad to see it changing tonight, but they are calling for nasty storms to come through and then well, it's getting cold and they are forecasting SNOW for weekend, it's almost a naughty four letter word in my dictionary at this point in winter since we've seen none so far.
That is about it on my end, time to forage for some sort of dinner.......I miss everyone I generally read and will be doing alot of catching up tonight for sure!
So STBXH seems like he will be homeless STBXH soon....no $$ is rolling his way and well it's not my problem, of course that means ds2 will NOT be visiting either until I see with my own two eyes that there is a place for him in a home...and not just any home either.
DS1 has an interview finally, fingers and toes crossed for him to get this job, I know it will help him out alot.
My guy has requested my presence for a date on Friday night, I can't wait, he said dress nice and be at his house at 8pm...I'm so excited.
Speaking of Friday night I have stamping. Haven't been since Oct, with conflict of interest for Nov and holidays, I'm excited to see the girls and get some projects and new techniques started. Just have to make sure I go prepared to leave and dash up to PA pronto.
Work is crazy, I've been logging in 9+ hour days lately, mostly going in really early before anyone wakes up so I can get some work done!! It's amazing how much I need to do and still do just to catch up.
Home is ok, I am starting to think about painting because I've decided I'm still going to try and sell the house in the spring. I hope it can be accomplished but if not, well then I stay....we'll see and I'm sure there will be more on this in the upcoming months. Besides the house needs painting anyway..lol
Yoga and belly dancing are still going well. The past two days though yoga has kicked my ass. They were really hard classes and did moves that I could not perform, in fact I couldn't even perform a simple balance move yesterday, it just proved to me how much stress impacts your life and my concentration so that I could perform the moves, which I couldn't. Deep breath and move on.
Weather has been beautiful also here the last few days, I'm sad to see it changing tonight, but they are calling for nasty storms to come through and then well, it's getting cold and they are forecasting SNOW for weekend, it's almost a naughty four letter word in my dictionary at this point in winter since we've seen none so far.
That is about it on my end, time to forage for some sort of dinner.......I miss everyone I generally read and will be doing alot of catching up tonight for sure!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)