Changes

Now that life is settling down again for me and I find myself single again, I've noticed changes. However, subtle they may have been up front, they are there and starting to make their presence known to me.

I have done alot of soul searching and well I guess my priorities and wants and needs in life are shifting also. I'm not just looking for any old guy, for someone who will show me affection and like me for who I am and what I look like. That sounds alot like the old girl, the big, heavy girl whom guys would consistently pass over for the thinner, more glamourous model. Well I'm that girl now, I'm no model, never will be, but I am a healthy, happy, mid-40's single mom. I have alot of life and love to life it. I enjoy the better things in life and well one of the things I am doing is writing a little synopsis of me and what I want and need for my life. Needs are small, but my wants are big, I'm living outside my comfort zone on this one and it's ok. It's working for me. I'm more picky, I'm more demanding and well to be honest I'm less likely to just end of with "someone" this time.

Life is full of twists and turns and well, I'm taking the low road on this one and I want to see where the journey takes me.

A few pics

from the wedding and the rehersal dinner.

This is me and my sister (the bride)

and me

me and my sisters

The wedding was great fun!

Yeah

The wedding was a blast. I have a ton of pics on my camera I need to upload and then I'll post some. My sister's were beautiful and the whole day was magical. The rain held off and even the sun peeked out when we left the church on the way to the reception. All in all it was a good weekend. The cold (yes again) is getting the best of me and I was down for the count Sat night. Up early and the ds1 was called into work, so I stopped by my moms and before long everyone was over visiting again. It's very rare that all the kids can be together anymore because we all live all over the world. So my mom was happy we were all home and at home.

Today, I'm tired, tonight I'll put up some pics.....

Wedding day

Today is the big day, I did get a cute dress and new shoes (that rock btw) and I'm ready to go. I have the first reading which is going to be great, I practiced like a million times last night and I'm ready. It's one of my favorite from the Book of Genesis so that makes it even better.

I will take lots of pics and post soon....we had the rehersal dinner last night, it was a bbq which was tons of fun. My brother went and got fireworks and they were great, although the rain and dampness made for lots of smoke. It was better than going to the ones the state puts on (no crowds)

Oh and I did exercise yesterday, the whole CD, I was pumped and promptly fell asleep as I am still battling this nasty cold. Three weeks now, so I'm not sure where to go from here. Guess the doc will be getting yet another call on Monday.

So I'm off, for more coffee and relaxing before I get ready!

Patriotic weekends

are fun, why because we get a day off...lol no. Because it's summer and I'm in the best shape of my life, ever. I've gained back such pride and accomplishment it's astounding. I am undaunted by those who feel I am inferior to them, why because I've worked damned hard and will continue to just to maintain this body I've developed. Sure, I had a little help up front, but now it's all up to me. WLS isn't a quick fix, a cure, it's a tool something not to be gotten into lightly and you need to be commited, for the long haul, forever. I hear alot of people "Oh if I just had WLS I could lose this weight and I'd be good". Yeah sure, for about 1 year and then bam the weight starts piling back on if you don't change your habits, your ways so to speak. Sure there are people who really don't have to change much and the surgery works, but overall the statistics are just not in your favor. Really, don't believe check it out.

I've been fortunate (knock on wood) I've had no complications, no extra hospital stays, nothing out of the ordinary. Sure I have my dumping spells, they are far and few between nowadays but sometimes I overdo it, I'm human and I am still learning from my mistakes.

So this weekend, I'm buying a gorgeous summer dress to wear to my sister's wedding. It will be strapless and maybe even backless. I'm daring to go where I've never dared to go before and why, because I'm accomplished!

I feel accomplished

I did my whole balance ball workout tonight, abs, lower and upper body. I didn't want to but I did it!

Long day at work, had a fun lunch again with B. Took too long again, I need to set a timer or something. Thank goodness I get in early otherwise I'd have alot of docked pay!! He makes my heart sing. That is good, right?

Till tomorrow!

I love short weeks....

because I am already so tired this week, and fighting off a sore throat again, bleech :(

My sister and her husband came home with a sore throat and after spending alot of time with them over the weekend, I'm now trying not to get sick. I am wickedly busy at work and well at home with the upcoming wedding this weekend. No time to be sick that is for sure!

I have another lunch date with B today. I can't wait, I can't stop smiling, he makes my heart sing. Is that corny, well I think so but whatever he does.

Tomorrow, my oldest is taking us to see Hancock after he works, so we will be going to the midnight showing. I will definitely be napping before we go.

At some point I need to re-incorporate exercise, my body is craving this and well I've been so darned tired and busy I haven't had time. I opted to sleep in this a.m. over getting up and even doing a short 20 min workout :(

Weight is stable, which is always a good thing.

Another great day

I had my second date today with the new guy, B. He called around 10 and invited me to lunch, we had such a great time talking, laughing and eating that I lost track of time and was 1/2 hour late back to work, oopsss!! Anyhow, we are doing it again on Wed. I can't believe what a great person he is, so easy to talk to and we do have alot of things in common right now.

Work today, one word - Frustrating

Will they ever be able to make a decision while i am not there...sheesh. It felt like they saved everything for me, although I know they didn't it just seemed that way to me.

Exercise - Nil again, I need to get back in the routine.

Cleaning - Nil again, I desparately need to clean my house

Grocery shopping - partly done, I just didn't have the energy to do alot tonight.

I dropped the boy off at work and have to pick him up at 11:30, that is enough to damper anyone's evening!!

So I'm off, to catch an hour of sleep before I have to pick himup

till tomorrow

Back to work

It was a bittersweet week last week, we buried my grandma and well then we started all over yesterday. Yesterday we had my sister's bridal shower, it was a great time had by all and a new beginning at happiness for the couple. I'm bracing for a very busy week at work this week and a short one at that.

Had a great mini date last night, we had a blast. It was really good to get out and laugh a little after everything else that went on!

So I'm off to work, to get my groove on and well try to get some semblence of normal back in my homelife also, as I have done NO wash and NO cleaning! Yikes!!!

Happy Monday

The most incredible seafood!

If you ever get a chance to come to the Wilmington waterfront, a place to eat is Harry's Seafood. They have the best seafood there that you would ever eat. Everytime I go there the food is fresh, the menu is different and they plan it all on what is the freshest available at the market that morning. Today, I had a lunch of lobster and boston bibb lettuce with tomato and avacado. It was incredible, then I shared a strawberry shortcake with chantilly cream with my little sister, the bride to be! It was heaven on earth. Of course I have 1/2 of my salad left over for dinner tonight or tomorrow.

I have a lunch date tomorrow, nice guy I met out and I'm having drinks with another fellow tonight. I will say it's daunting the amount of guys who come out of the woodwork when you are not the "fat" girl anymore. I'm enjoying it, as I am a huge people person, but clearly most only are looking for one thing and when that comes up, CHECK PLEASE!

I still like the guy K, but I don't think he wants or knows how to have a relationship, I don't want to be just the girl that hangs out with you when you work at the bar! Seriously I love the drinks and all the attention, but there is way more to life than that! So, I'm not really sure what he wants, I don't even think he knows what he wants. It seems to me that he has filled his time with things he does, work, biking, triathalons, his son, but it does not seem there is room at all for a girl. So, I'm going to let him ride it out, I do think he is a really great person, seriously, but life is too short for that.

I haven't exercised in days, my body is so telling me this right at this very moment. Will I do any tonight, my plan is yes, but in my heart I doubt it will happen. I need to get back in my routine, but with everything that happened last week and now this week in preparation for the big day on Saturday, who knows.

On the weight front, I am maintaining, which is a very good thing! I was worried I would have dropped too much with the lack of eating properly and well too much drinking this weekend! Had a great weekend with my friends, old and new ones I met yesterday at their pool party. We had a great time, I have some new pics to post as soon as I get them uploaded!

So I'm off for my drinks and some hopefully nice conversation. I have alot of work this week and well its going to be another short one for me. The picnic is Friday, the wedding Sat and I still have yet to buy a dress. If anyone has a beautiful size 6 dress for a summer wedding, please send it to me!! LOL

Couldn't sleep

I hate the waiting. I couldn't sleep, even though I had a few drinks last night to try and help me sleep. The girls showed up at my door to bring me out for a few (I had 2). They said K sent them to get me. He's such a sweetie and man the big hug I got from him was the best I had all week and much needed. So I was out, we had a few, listened to some music, I really wasn't into the whole night but it was a nice distraction after the full day of cooking and seeing old relatives. My mom's house was a bustling pletora of activity all day into the evening.

I also got to speak with another fellow (who I told time and time again I will only ever be your friend) about some things he was saying about me. I didn't like what was said at all and well to be honest I am not the kind of person he was portraying me to be, but then the person who relayed the message doesn't like me much anyhow, so....well anyhow, back to him, I told him why would you say such things happened between us when they didn't, of course he denied the whole thing. IDIOT!! I told him this is not you treat friends, at least this is not how I treat friends so he wasn't being a real friend and please just refrain from speaking with me.

Another guy last night told me I looked mean, whateva...I told him my grandma died and I was just out of sorts, he said so, people die everyday. They were just a dime a dozen last night.

So today, I have my beautiful dress ready to wear, I have to shower and get ready, I've been up for hours and well I'm not really ready, I just want to see her and give a hug one more time but everytime I think about it I well up with tears. Sometimes I hate that I am such an openly emotional person but it is what it is and there will be alot of tissues today!

J and MB are picking me up after I drop my youngest off tonight, to distract me for a while. That sounds like the best idea I've heard all day, just to get there.

On the bright note, I have a date tomorrow night with K. Yes the K I am not sure of, but he has been there for me all week, he is a nice guy (or at least so far) so I'm excited about this. Sunday is my little sister's wedding shower and we are going to one yummy restaurant on the Wilmington Waterfront...YUMMY!!

Moving on to WL, I haven't exercised in a few days, I am feeling the effects of not doing so, but I just haven't had the time, tomorrow my body needs it. I still cannot get it in my head how someone who shyed away from exercise and healthy living now craves it when she isn't doing it. I really have come along way but sometimes I still think like the "fat" girl. My weight, well it's down, I knew it was going to go there, but there again lies a change. Before I used to run to food, smuggle, hide and gorge myself anytime I had any stress or anything happen in my life. Now, well my throat constricts and I can't seem to get anything down. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how stress and eating is so different than before and it seems to be a change that alot of WLS patients go through. The how and why of that? I have no idea but it seems to be the norm. So I have hit the 130's, never in my life do I remember being in the 130's but there I am....Sometimes when I wear certain types of clothes well I look too thin, am I? Have I done something that is too drastic and radical? No, because after this passes I will put back on a few pounds, I will resume being me and normal....I'm happy, healthy, and well just normal. Isnt' that really what we all wanted to be at the beginning of this journey?

Today I cook

For the upcoming post funeral celebration. My mom has her plate full so I've liberated some of that cooking from her. Roast beef, meatballs, pasta salad, potato salad and whatever else I figure out along the way. Tonight we all gather at the funeral home for a family viewing, I'm not looking forward to it. Even as I type I am getting that familiar lump in my stomach bleech :(

On another note, apparently a guy whom I've met and told time and time again that we will only ever be friends is spreading lies about me that we are sleeping together. Um NO, and that would be a big ewww too! So at some point I have to find the time to locate him and nip this in the bud once and for all. At this point in my life I do not want to be living a high school memories again. I can't believe people and why would they stoop that low to say that to someone I know.

So I need to get busy, and I want to blog soon, more I have alot going on in my life and this current family crisis is just the tip of the iceburg. I need some release but have had no time to write.

Picking up the pieces

Is what we start doing today. The whole family has gathered, and I'm happy to see most whom I haven't seen in years, but sad due to the occasion. I will glad when it's over and we can move on to a happier celebration of my little sister's marriage. She gets married on 7/5 and originally that is why she and my other sister were coming up this past Monday.

On a side note - WLS wise, I have definitely noticed that I'm not a grazer or a secret eater when it comes to stress of this nature, in fact I've been eating somewhat normal but alot less. I find myself getting choked up when it's time to eat and feel like my throat is restricted from taking in any food and pushing it past my throat. It is definitely a landmark for me who for most of her whole life has been an emotional eater.

Life is so unexpected

Today is the day we made the final arrangements for one of the most beautiful people in my world. My grandma. She passed away today at age 96, despite her age and lack of eyesight for the last 15-20 years she has led a fulfilling and wonderful life. She was the most simple person I knew, she gave her love and affection to all, unconditionally. So as I go through these next few days in preparation of the rest of the family coming home and laying her down in her final resting place, I reflect.

She is living with god now, she believed in him utmost over everything else, but her family always came first. She was an angel sent down in a time of deep depression in her native Poland, luckily her family was able to escape pre Holocaust.

I love you grandma and will never forget you!

Sad Day

Yesterday I got a call from my mom, they have decided to take my grandmother off her life support. I'm very sad, but dont' want her to suffer. She's hanging in there as of now, I hope my two sisters get up here in time to see her before she goes. She's the strongest most beautiful person I know in my life. She has lived a full 96 years and has great family and friends.

Needless to say this isn't the way I thought it would go, but there it is. God has a plan for our family, even if it includes a funeral possibly before the wedding. It's so sad and I'm just dealing.

Did my balance ball, trying to eleviate some agression and frustration or maybe it's just sadness. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do.

I havent' been eating well, but in hindsight that is definitely a switch. Tonight is support group, and well to be honest no matter what happens I'm glad it is. These are the times when we aren't prepared for how we will handle the situation post WLS.

God bless you grandma, I love you!

It's going to be a great week

I have a short week this week, since I'm taking no formal vacation I've taken off a few Friday's for long summer weekends and this one is another!!

My sister's are on their way up today, I'm so happy. I haven't seen one since before my surgery! Yes, it's been a while

Had a great weekend and made alot of decisions about how I want my life to be, I'm very peaceful now and am enjoying what I can when I can. I am itching to start something new, something I've never done before, but first I have to decide what this is.....stay tuned...

Have a great week!

Another perfect ending

Had a great time last night, met some really cool new friends and even some of the friends of mine at the last minute decided to go out....of course the music was great thanks to the group and we all had a great night.

Today is cloudy and more humid, going to hang with the boy, who is downstairs waiting for me to watch a movie!!

Will try later to get in some sort of exercise, but right now I'm all about the relaxation.

Hope you all had a great one, it's almost time to make the donuts!

Saturdays

Are full of fun, today I made Amish friend bread, it's the first time, in fact before my gf gave it to me I had never heard of it in my life. Learned something new.

Tonight I think I'm going to hang out with the friends. Although no one in the immediate group wants to go, the band will be there and someone will wander in the door and hang out with me. I just need a good night out, with some friends and music.

Cleaned a ton today and yesterday, worked out, Love the new balance ball still, I'm seeing definition in my legs and abs...yeah!!! I really wish I could afford the plastics or had the time to heal but alas it's not in my immediate future.

So the guy, the cutie K, he called yesterday, did I already write this? I forget, if not there it is, if so I'm still riding on that high. We'll see if he can follow through, but I won't hold my breath. If he doesn't it WILL certainly be his loss...lol

Weight is back down the 10 I gained are gone, gone, gone!! yeah, now to stay away from the carbs. Oh didn't I just write I made bread today!! sheesh shooting myself inmy own foot.

Weather is perfect for an evening out....enjoy!

Cheers!

Where did this week go??

This week was busy and fun, I was able to squeeze in some fun even though I had to find it on my own as none of the friends wanted to hang this week. Last night I called a someone I know and asked if they'd meet me out, I know it was wrong but at least I was hanging with someone in the hopes of meeting someone else there that night. To my amazement the evening went perfectly and my little plan worked. I felt a little bad, but really I never said I was going to be more than just a platonic friend to this other guy. He got the wrong impression, but again this isn't the first time that this has happened. So anyhow, I hung, enjoyed some not so great music but got to hang out with my other guy. He called today and now I am debating on whether to call him back or just let him call again, of course he's not the best on follow through, but he did call today!! I feel so giddy, I knew it was so worth the chance last night when he walked in and I got those butterflies. You all remember what that is like!!

Anyhow my week was busy at work, and today was a mental health day, so I got some work done and took a nap and generally relaxed. It's been a great week and beautiful weather, my sisters are on their way up for the start of the wedding celebrations and I can't wait to seethem. My one sister hasn't been home since pre-wls so I'm very excited to see her and her me!!

Have a great one, I'll be back later with more!

Grieving

Tonight my gf and I went to a memorial service and viewing for another's friends father. Now, granted I have not actually seen this gf in about 15 years (her choosing) but we've kept in sporatic touch. Her parents were the best thing for me when mine were going through their own separation and subsequent divorce. They were there unconditionally for me, to listen, learn, voice, and just plain old support me. Why wouldn't I go to the memorial service. So gf (MB) and I arrive at the service, other gf is there greeting people, she greets MB, her mother, two brothers and then I step forward. She has no idea whatsoever who I am. Am I astonished, saddened, shocked. I'd have to say yes to each of the above.

I sit down with gf (MB) and tell her, other gf, she doesn't remember me. Her mom chimes in, she probably just doesn't recognize you. Ok, well I am there for her father, so whatever. Anyhow, I then find out her mother is too ill to attend the service. She in fact is so sick they felt that it would potentially do more harm than good :( Her sister is also not there, which is ok. So the neighbors well they are all there, and there were actually a few that did remember me. Hmm very interesting.

So I felt a little left out, a little humbled and alot of sadness for a great man who was an inspiration to me. Married for 56 years, a lifetime in my eyes to the same woman, whom he loved, cherished and adored to his dying day. The joy and comraderie which is something that eludes my life. Someday I wish to have just a taste of what it is they shared.

God bless you Ed, may you be playing golf on the big course up in heaven.

WOW

Is all I can say about the weekend. It was great, no I mean really great. I won't bore you with all the details but I can say my life has such a better quality and well I have re-found a happiness in it that was dark for a bit. I didn't realize the lightbulb was growing dimmer and dimmer in my last relationship, but alas it was. This weekend started out on Thursday evening with good friends in a relaxed atmosphere and ended up with us all out sharing nacho's and drinks on the deck of an old hotel/bar in the next city over. The sun was shining and we were all having a great time and hanging on to every last great moment until we all had to come back to reality.

So Thursday night I reconnected with an old interest, he's great. Friday night we all hung out down in MD, had a slumber party over at Jenn's...yeah jennie for sharing your home with us and yeah Chuck for keeping me sane that night. Sat we got emails from a good friend who played an acoustic close to home, so we were off to the shore...and another slumber party. I'm still smiling. It was great. In the interest of those reading I'm just going to say it was supposed to be 5 of us Sat night and it turned into an intimate two, at the request of this special someone that I attend the evening out. Thanks!!

Sunday, we did a brunch and hung out....what a glorious weekend and with NO kids. Even the oldest went and spent time with his dad.

I truly love my friends!! Thank you for all cyber and in real life for being there for me no matter what!

I love my friends

To death, even though I totally haven't talked to them on a whole in months. They are all still there waiting for me with open arms and no worries about why I've been away so long. I need to find a way to balance my friends and the next man in my life. That is my new mission. They must be compatible it is a requirement.

Anyhow, last night was a great, casual night out with the friends. Saw my bestest friends belt out some great tunes, in a relaxed and casual atmosphere while I had a few cocktails with the near and dear. More friends showed up later in the evening so I got home rather late but all in all it was a great night. There is one particular person, who shall remain nameless at this point. I've met him before, he is really not in the circle of friends but knows the friends. He's sweet, he goes out of his way to talk with me, everytime I see him. He's cute and he's incredibly shy, but not around me. Last night he must have known (I'm going with the esp) that I needed to hear what a beautiful special person I am. He was gushing and I was there lapping it up, like a cat to milk. I felt like a princess and really nothing happened. I'm not going to jinx this, but he's really nice. Anyhow, my eye candy friend showed up also last night, late. He gives the most incredible hugs to all his friends, but last night he too was telling me he was so glad that I am his friend and that he is blessed in knowing me. They really just knew how to lift my spirits and make me feel like the person I know I am. So the doldrums and self loathing, pity I've been feeling for myself, it's gone. I'm back, to myself, my regular, happy person that I am.

Tonight, I'm going out, in fact the whole weekend is full of friends and more friends. I actually do not have any children responsibility at all. In fact I have my entire house to myself for the next two days and three nights. I don't know what I am going to do with myself, but i'm sure I'll figure it out right quick!! lol

So with this I bid you all a great weekend, I'm going to squeeze in some intense exercise in there too as I need to get back in the groove and get the beach body ready, I'm going to be getting there soon.......

Enjoy ciao

Thursday

The weather has broken and last night was unbelievable. I was out for my walk and well had every intention of coming home and getting the balance ball routine going, but nope. First a great friend who is in a bad relationship called, crying. Second, the stbxh came over to drop off the boy and well he picks a fight. Third, I am thinking the friend is calling me back so I answer, didn't look at the caller id, it's the ex bf, he's in a rage. WTF, is exactly the thought that ran through my head last night. What did I do to deserve this. The stars were not aligned in my world. So needless to say, I was distraught, but tried to not let it get to me, no balance ball, but the walk was done.

Today, it's a new day, starting a new life. Tonight we hang out with friends, good friends, non judgmental ones to hear some good acoustic and well just be us. I can't wait until tonight. So relaxing.

Exciting times

Yesterday I got to meet Lorraine Bracco...WOW she is a great person, genuine and warm. Our company is currently distributing her wines and she came here to kick it off. What a great person she is.....

Other than that last night he came down and got the rest of the stuff. I didn't let on how this has affected me, but the mild depression I suffer from is creeping in. I'm journaling like crazy trying to mainstream it elsewhere and not take over, I truly hate when it happens. I'm defenseless against it and it truly sucks! I'm a mess this morning, makeup cannot fix the damage that my face endured last night, I popped in a claritin for swelling, eye covers in the freezer for swelling and well I'm going to try and make myself presentable here in a few. I feel good, so don't worry about that. I'm alot stronger mentally than I give myself credit for, but damn it feels bad to be rejected in a way that I just spent the better part of my life trying to get away from.

Somedays being human sucks, especially when you are a caring person.

Today the heat wave is over, well it's still going to be hot, but the humidity they promise will be lower. My electric bill will be thanking me for this!! as will my hair.

Speaking of hair, my color is growing out, maybe it's time for something new. Something a little more funky than my normal funky. I don't know, got to find the cash for this funkiness and then we'll go from there.

I ate well yesterday, no carb munching in times of need. I did have 1/2 of a smores but all in all I ate really well. Tonight I exercise, it's been a few days, I love my new balance ball, I can actually feel the difference right after I do the routines. Awesome.....

What an interesting way to start the week

Ok I'm tired, boned dead tired. It's my own fault out on a sunday night. Then I get a call today, dinner meeting...ok so off I go, had a great seafood dinner (again) lobster, shrimp, clams, mussels, and scallops...oh good god where did I put all the food. Let's just say it's still digesting hours later.

Work was busy, but not crazy. The boss is really cracking down, which I think is about time and great news. Some of the slackers are nervous as they should be, but I go in each and every day and give it my 110%, I'm not worried but you never know what will happen.

So we have four days left this week, the ex bf is coming down tomorrow to pickup his last of his stuff....and give me mine that I left at his house. Should be interesting since he won't talk with me unless it's through text messaging. Whatever!! Some people just don't know when to grow up.

So I'm off, ds1 wants to watch a movie and well I haven't really seen him since Thursday..

ciao have a great evening....

Back to the work week

The date was fabulous....we went to Havre de Grace, had a nice quiet little dinner in a cozy little place near the water....walked along the water afterward....

The worst was the traffic home, a 40 min ride turned into 1 1/2 hours long, at 11pm!!

I'm sleepy

more later

Sunday, sunday

It's another hot one here kids. The heat indices yesterday I believe had us around 105 today it's supposed to get to 110. How fun, 95 plus degrees and humidity....does a number on ones appearance for a date tonight.

Hmm you say, a date tonight, sure why not. It's a harmless dinner and drink....nothing gained nothing lost. Besides I've known this guy for a while, he's been asking me out regularly and well today I caved and said yes.

So I'm headed down my gf house so she can straighten my hair....hopefully it stays that way...and well hang out with the kidtill dinner. I did manage to wash the car and clean up the house somewhat today also, plus I got in a mile and 1/2 walk plus my ab workout on the balance ball and it's only 10 of 2, not to shabby for a Sunday.

Until tomorrow......

It's over

He has packed and left. I am truly amazed that through the process, even though it was short, I was not sad at all. No tears shed, so that tells me in my heart that is was already over. Sad that it is. He was verbally very mean, I too shall overcome that, because I know deep down I am not a mean, cold person. Sometimes people are just too different. Their differences do not mesh therefore they do not belong together. That is why they call it dating. Funny thing he said on the way out "Never call me again" while the whole time we were seeing one another he was like "Even if it doesn't work out, we'll always be friends". How quickly a leopard changes his spots.

So now I'm off to another chapter in my life. Once again, I feel freer than before, it's all a learning process.

tired again

I feel like I could sleep away the whole weekend again!

Doc visit went well, I'm maintaining which is great. We spoke in depth about my exercise and eating habits now, which the doc said would impact how I will do for the next six months before I go back. He said that the eating and exercise is the most important part of maintenance which i have to totally agree with him on. He also invited me to submit a before and after picture for their new website...how exciting is that.

We put in the a/c's and not a minute too soon, we are headed for a heatwave. 90+ degrees for the next week!! yuck. On the worse note, the humidity is still really weighing heavily on my chest, another reason why I feel I could sleep the week away. Did I exercise tonight? Nope, too sleepy, I opted for a mini nap which was rudely interrupted.

The man and I have alot of talking to do, I requested that he leave his pup at home this weekend, he should be down Sat sometime. I think it's do or die time, because frankly I'm tired of the turmoil. Another cold day for us today :(

On a bright note, I feel good....that's my bright note for today...life is good!

But I don't feel so good.

Back on the mend

From being so sick. The heat and humidity are coming and the humidity is keeping pressing down on my chest light weights but I'm surviving. Going to keep breaking this mess up so it doesn't come back and turn into something worse.

Having total personal issues. Somedays I think I am just not ready for a relationship, is this wrong or right I don't know but it's how I feel. I don't feel lonely or sad just lost in a big, big world out there. Trying to find out who I am and where do I fit in all of this mess.

Personal, professionally life is in turmoil. I've been utilizing most of my energies to my job and my kids so it really has left little time for the relationship. Maybe I'm just not ready. A gf at work commented yesterday after a phone call, who were you talking with. I asked why and she said it sounded like the stbxh but it was actually the bf I was speaking with. Scary to see that it has gotten to that point, I guess in a way I know the answer now to trudge through and do something about it.

Weight is up, I am not happy. I have a new exercise regimine. I bought a balance ball, bands and mat. I love it. I feel my muscles tightening with each move I make. I feel my strength gaining. IT's just that good.

Today is my 18 month check up. Anxious to see my labs based on how I have been feeling. Well I guess if I get ready I'll know sooner than later.

Until later.

Good lord where do I start

Ok, my son graduated from high school. We had a big bbq on memorial day weekend to celebrate.

I was sick from that Sunday night of Memorial day weekend through today, sinus infection - green ooze really bad cough...you get the picture

I finally got my bloodwork done for my 18 month appt this Thursday - and no I can't believe it's been 18 months either

I hooked up with an old friend last Thursday night - yes I went out when I wasn't feeling well and did myself no good

Slept all weekend away - in fact i was supposed to work theDover Nascar race for work and totally bagged on that - I believe i was up for like 8 hours the whole weekend

My son graduated 22 in his class of 371 - yes I'm bragging and being the proud mama

Summer has come on with a vengeance

Mike and I - well we've had our differences lately

My son's bff was the co-validitorian of his class

tomorrow is ds2 last day of school for the summer vacation - I still can't believe it

I've been so tired I haven't turned on the computer since I last blogged....so there is too much to catch up on....

For now, I will remain a hopeless/hopeful blogger and until I return......well

ciao

Back to being a blog slacker....

Ok, another week and ALOT has happened. Where do I begin!!

Last Sat was a nice day....we went prom gown shopping with my honey's daughter. She is a senior like my son and I never ever imagined I would get to go prom dress shopping. Wow it was really a nice thing for her to ask me to go with her. She actually insisted on waiting until I was finished my parenting class so I could go, she is beautiful and the dress and shoes she found were just wonderful, she will be a vision on her prom.

Sunday we were busy getting ready for the flea market this weekend. It was mother's day and my birthday to boot, my sweetie really did me right with all the thoughtful gifts and made me feel like the most special person in the whole world (which rarely happened in previous relationships) so even though my son made me totally cranky it was a great day.

Then the migraine came, on with a vengeance, Sunday night into Monday. I actually got sick from it that is how bad it was. DS2 was back at the doc's too, his meds were done and the rash was still spreading. I think this time the increased dosage for longer is going to do the trick!! yeah

Tuesday back at work and busy, busy, busy. Alot of great and interesting things going on and I'm right in the midst of it all. My boss complimented me on how well I keep it together and cool under all the stress and pressure of the changes going on. Yeah for me, now if I could get him to translate that into a raise, I'd be in seventh heaven.

Today, Mike called and asked me to call his daughter 911. I called, got her voicemail. She called back. Thank god I was sitting because it was the news every parent dreads hearing from their 18 year old. She's pregnant. She hasn't told her father. I know and he doesn't. I vowed to keep the secret but only until sat, I told her she must come over and we will all sit down and talk about it and her plans. As of right now she plans on giving the baby up for adoption. It's going to be one of the roughest days of his life, and i know he already suspects it, but it's the whole coming out with it.

My son who has prom tomorrow is NOT coming home to see me prior to it, I'm devastasted. My feelings are hurt beyond repair, but there is nothing I can do about it. I'm going to try and get to the gf's house prior to them leaving so I can snap a few shots, otherwise I won't see them at all. I think this was just another stab at me for all the change I've brought in his life this year and well to be honest I'm not happy. His father is coming to talk about his actions, lack of helping around the house, etc tonight should be interesting. In fact he should be here soon. So I need to close this now.

I have a long weekend ahead of me. Lots of things to do and hopefully some sleep in there too.

I missed catching up on everyone again this week...hopefully one day my life will slow down enough....

I am so tired

This burning the candle on both ends is catching up with me. Last night I had my annual mammogram. Last year I had the scare, in there twice and now just to monitor, well I have to say the place was the MOST unorganized since I've been there, but they have my history and to move it all now ugh. So after a two hour wait the girl from the front desk says you can wait another 45 minute (which will be 8pm) or we can mail your results, I was out, I was literally shaking from not having eaten in hours and was feeling very tired and nervous. So needless to say I don't know how my mammo turned out :(

I haven't been exercising either :( This is very bad and messes with my emotional happiness I've noticed when I don't, today, lunch, yoga.....I have to!!

Waiting on the weekend, busy one at that, our last weekend to get the flea market stuff ready and it's Mother's day along with my bday (44 yikes) I definitely don't feel 44 but wow, I was told by my guy no purchases of anything unless it's food until Monday, may 12th. I wonder what he has up his sleeve.

Oh and my oldest ds took off work on Sunday to spend the day with his mama, this is a real treat as he usually works every weekend and I never see him unless I pop in and see him sleeping. He has something planned also.....

Should be a busy but nice one, showery to day and tomorrow then beautiful cooler weekend in store.

Cinco de Mayo

Is a busy time for us. ....we celebrated the Kentucky Derby Sat with work, an all weekend long celebration of cinco de mayo and what did I do...had a parenting class on Sat and tended a sick child the rest of the weekend. Not my own but his daughter who is suffering from bad migraine headaches, so bad they made her sick and puke all weekend. Poor girl.

Other than that we had another fabulous weekend, getting ready for a big flea market with tons and tons of stuff to sell. We've priced and packed numerous things and still have quite a bit to go through. All in all it should be a great sale....

Weight - same
exercise - lacking a bit here but still going strong
outlook - fantastic

Tonight I've had quite a few nosebleeds, bad ones like I had when ds2 was born....been feeling quite rough but i will survive as always

Speaking of ds2 had to get him to the doctor today with an unknown rash/skin something all over his body. Turned out his allergies are expressing themselves through his skin instead of sniffling, sneezing or watery eyes. So the doc prescribed cortizone zpak and some antihistimine rx and he should be good.

Me, I'm day 4 straight of having hot flashes. I think the milestone of turning 44 is called premenopause and I'm feeling the side effects of it hot and heavy, no pun intended. In fact I'm starting another hot flash as we speak.....so with all that lovely visual I'm off to catch up on some of my shows I've been missing.

This week is the grand finale of Survivor and I have to say I'm glad someone finally played the immunity idol they found!! Yeah Amanda....

Hump day

Came home to find out the cable company turned my cable off again in error...grr the worst part it will take up to three days to reconnect....and it's their fault!!

Sheesh....so no cable, turned my guy away from coming down so he could watch his beloved flyers...hopefully win

I'm kinda blue tonight, don't know why. Having some problems again with ds2, will it ever end...

Out for tonight

Tuesday

I'm checking in really quick, Hell's kitchen is on....love, love, love that show.

AI - watched wasn't overly impressed with any of them this week maybe because it was Neil Diamond week...I don't know

It's only Tuesday - gah

I have no clothes to wear that I want to...I need to shop

I need new shoes

I want it all, and have no money

I have the most amazing bf in the world.....

My grandma is settling into assisted living, at 96 she's a rockstar in my life

My mom is getting ready for the big greek wedding!

I love my boys - both no matter what they do...

My oldest graduates in four weeks and is going to his prom in two weeks!!

My baby is going to be 18 this year!!

I'm wearing size 6, down from 10-12 this time last year

My stomach is so gassy!! I hate carbs they don't work with me at all!!

I'm tired for no apparent reason....my anemia must be gaining speed again

I have a busy May and it's going to be my bday

It's over

The prosecutor offered a great deal, dropped 2 of three charges, now to pay the fine off and get the community service done then he will have no record. Thank god for small favors.

Life is good, although the rain sucks

Monday Monday

Rainy, cool, damp, gray....

We are off to court in one hour

It's another Monday, Monday

Weekend is over

Tomorrow is court for ds1...boo hoo but hopefully this nightmare will be all behind us now.

Weight is up this weekend, I haven't weighed in quite a while and now I know why I need to stay on top of that....only 3 lb but it feels like 30 to me.

Had a great weekend with my guy, although he had to leave early tonight and go home....he surprised me Friday and came down after his games.....tired and all....

The divorce is proceeding, six months and counting or maybe it's six weeks. I forget what exactly I read...silly me.

The beautiful summer like weather we had is gone...boo hoo...replaced by clouds, rain and damp cool weather.

The weekend is over...

I'm 44 in two weeks....WOW

I have been tagged......

Meme you you.The Game Meme RulesThe rules of The Game get posted on the beginning. Each player answers the rules about himself [or indeed herself]. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.

What was I doing ten years ago? Wow ten years ago, 1998. I was working at my fathers, climbing the corporate ladder and feeling very comfortable with me, my children, my marriage, but in reality I was hiding out at work, putting in long hours and being miserable....I was in for a big change starting Oct 1999.


Five things on my To-Do list today:

1. Do some wash
2. Get a mani and pedicure
3. Clean up the house
4. Organize for the flea market
5. Enjoy time with my man.

As a PS I'm happy to report I did no. 1 and 4 a little and 5 alot!!

Three of my bad habits:

1. I cuss like a sailor
2. I'm OCD
3. I like things the way I like things...enough said about that

Five places I’ve lived:

Wilmington, DE
Bear, DE
Newark, DE

that's it folks, I'm boring...hometown girl here.

Five jobs I’ve had:

1. Waitressed in college on the overnight shift
2. Temped at the biggest company in DE during summers out of college
3. Worked at Menz Restaurant in Cape may during the summers
4. Worked for my father
5. Buy wine and spirits for the state.

Five books I’ve recently read:

1. The Widow - Carla neggars
2. Lucky Man - the Michael J Fox story
3. Miracle - Danielle Steele
4. Blogs and junk on the net....I'm not much of a reader

Who do I tag.....my friends and readers out there...let me learn more about you

Susie, Leah, Melanie......

So where do I begin

Life has had it's ups and downs in the last few weeks. Alot of them up so I'm happy about that.

The boy is going to court Monday, we were able to secure a lawyer for a good fee so hopefully they will do their job and he'll come home smelling like roses. He was also accepted at a great college and is going to try out for football as a walk on. His hs coach has talked to the coach there, as they are friends, so any help would be great. He is almost finished school, May 16th, the same night is the senior prom and graduation is the 27th. I'm so excited, thrilled and scared and can't believe my baby is graduating...wow

The other boy is adjusting now great to the new life, it's almost been 7 months....wow is all I can say, he is developing into a fine young man, of course he still throws his father's attitude at me time to time, but it's getting less and less. The bonus, both boys are making an attempt to get along with my guy, I'm so happy I could spit, what an awful expression that is.....

My guy, he's the best, been through some very scary times himself, I walked out of his life around 2 weeks ago and I guess he figured it out, he wants me there, so we are working towards this. It's so good, I can't believe I'm so happy and I have him to thank for that. He had a colonoscopy done this week, thank god it came back benign, he is getting a new job, starts May1st which will put him closer to me workwise. He took me to see Def Leppard in Reading, PA at the beginning of the month, we had a glorious weekend together and the beginning of something really special. We are both gunshy when it comes to this relationship, me just ending one and walking the hot coals of dispair, him being single for quite a while and well just not finding someone special enough to share his life with, it was quite an eye opening experience for both of us the day I walked out instead of getting into a fight about nonsense.

I go to the doc for my 18 month appointment in May, I can't believe I am almost 18 months out, 120 lb down and well for the first time in my life realizing everyday now when I wake up that this is real, I don't have the OMG, I'm going to be fat again when I look in the mirror when I first wake up anymore feelings, I'm back at the therapist, and well that's probably the best move I made in my life in a long time.

Work is well, busy, actually insane at times, but I love my job and the excitement it brings. My new boss is very excited with the me and the work I am able to perform on a monthly basis. He has hooked us up with George Michael tix for July second row, I know, I know, you think George Michael, but I love him always have.....he also got us great tix to see the Eagles vs Bears in Chicago in Sept......got to love that man!!!

WLS, wow where do I begin, I'm wearing skirts, dresses and the people I work with are always commenting on how nice I look, I'm really starting to think about myself more and more, my appearance, how I look midway through the day, things that I just let go before. I must have lived under the ugly rock for so long because I can't remember the last time I really cared what I looked like 1/2 way through the day. I am enjoying this, I still get sick on too many carbs, too many sweets, and too much food. I've had my days of overeating that just created the lump in my stomach or should I say the foamies in my mouth the feeling of utmost digust that I resorted to food for comfort when i was stressing. It's so hard somedays to break out of the fat girl way of thinking but I've come along way and I'm not giving up on myself at all. I'm still doing yoga, really intense forms of it now too, I'm probably the most limber I have ever been in my entire life. I also am doing lots of walking and my weights as well. The number on the scale fluctuates between the same five lbs so I'm very pleased. Size 6 and 8 make up the most of my wardrobe and I am very excited to create a full summer wardrobe this year. I'm still working on my plastics and hope to have them before summer is out. I wish I could have it sooner but it's just not going to happen.

Spring is here, summer on the way, windows are open, my grass is cut, car is washed and I'm a happy girl.....

Thanks to all who welcomed me back, i've had no time to catch up on reading but I will and I can't wait to see how everyone is.....

leave a comment, just say hi, thanks for being out there

I'm finally back

it's been along time without computer service, I've missed so much and everyone....alot is going on and I'm too tired to draw it all out tonight....

I hope I still have some readers/friends left out there....

I expected more and got nothing

Well I guess that about sums it up in the silly nonsensical way I've been blogging lately. Yesterday was perfect for us, everything we did and everywhere we went was a dream, almost too good to be true. Yes, this is the reality, today was a shit day, he's gone already, we talked, a little, nothing resolved, and nothing gained nothing lost. I hate this feeling of limbo because to be honest, it's draining me, mentally and physically. Throw into the mix that my oldest is in trouble with the law again and well I am having a shit day. So the guy went home, not a minute too soon, although I miss him horribly because there was no US time at all this weekend, we did things, included kids, he brought his dog (who is very needy and he gives in to her every whim) and well I'm left in the cold....that's how I felt and made it perfectly clear....so another unproductive day. At least I have a few hours of solititude until both boys are home, so I am off to enjoy them. I so want to post good news, hopefully one day really soon.... weight today - down 3 lb...I hate trauma and drama

Let's make it three.....

Well today I did not want to get up and go to bowling, horrible sinus headache but then that means our day will be beautiful out there. I can't wait till the weather starts to get just a tad bit warmer, but what I want to do today and what I will do today are two different things. I was invited down to Turkey Point, in MD, it's simply beautiful there, the lighthouse, looking out over the two rivers meeting....it is simply a beautiful place and sometimes when things are really bad I go there to think. It's been a while (probably since Oct) since I've been there...i do miss it there but I'm not going :(

I have unfinished business with my guy, he says I'm not the same girl he met...I think I am, but just small things have melded us together, I get teary eyed thinking he won't be in my life much more but I also, am stronger knowing that I can't go on the way things are all the time with us. I'm bracing myself (w/Xanax) for another mentally challenging two days, I have to get this over with and well, it needs to be addressed out in the open and well we'll see.

He hasn't come down yet, and I feel at peace, it's surreal to know that I do better without him around than with him around. I do like him alot, I respect him and a piece of me has fallen hard for him, but my brain and mental side say he's bad for me in the long run, I know it and everyone else does (or so they've told me so) and well he doesn't I don't want this to be painful, I hate causing pain on anyone as I hate the pain being on me, but it has to happen, I can on and on this whole blog about this...like I'm trying to find a way that it will work when I know deep down it's not going to. I feel that the concert we are supposed to go to is the last hurrah, in a way I guess it will be, I don't know, but I do know that I hate that I'm putting my favorite band out there and creating a memory that may not be the most pleasant for my life. I'm torn, my heart is in shreds trying to make sense of this....as I am typing this as I have typed many blogs about this, I'm tearing up....I know what is right to do and I know what I am currently doing which are two entirely separate things.

Give me strength and hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with more good news not this incessant whining....

weight today (because I'm a scale whore) the same....eating today, very bad I can't seem to want to put anything in my tummy.

Two days in a row, I'm making a comeback

Ok so this is a first in a long time, and to be perfectly honest it's really the best outlet for me to get things out there.....I know I have some readers that probably could give two craps but this is my blog and well that's the end of it.

First and this is the most important dilemna I have been going through in my life is my guy....I like him ALOT!! it's really scary how much, but lately it's been so mentally challenging for me, when we are apart we are great but together, well that's a whole nother story. It's a sad realization that this is it....the beginning of the end, and well I'm not sure he's feeling the same way I am about this. I brought up the subject last night in our daily call and he quickly as usual changed the subject, it's amazing to me that he doesn't want to talk about this, most men would run and hide and simply never call a girl back, my guy, just ignores it likes it's going to go away on it's own, NOT!!! So I guess I'm really going to have to push the envelope and get this discussion under way once and for all. He's only coming down for a short visit tomorrow and I'm going to bring it up and tell him, we need to air this out once and for all....I can't go on every weekend this way.

So weight loss, I'm holding steady, I need to get labs done soon for my next checkup, but I've been doing really well getting in my protein (via food only, all shakes are done) and lots of fruits and veggies and well sometimes too many carbs and candy, but that really has been a minimum of the last few weeks, I was gaining and had that nice little talk with myself last week and I'm back down 10lb, cutting carbs, the bad ones is all it takes for me...plus my gastrointestinal tract is smiling too, I'm not so bloated and uncomfortable. I'm happy I have a four day work week next week and I plan on doing alot of relaxing and hanging with the one kiddo this weekend.

Life in general is good, I'm dealing with alot of shit all at once and sometimes it really seems overwhelming and well to not get in here every day and blog it really backs up on me....so I've pledged to get in at minimum every other day if not everyone, of course I know life gets in the way and of course the nicer weather that is slowly coming around will pursuade me outdoors.

DS2 is doing well after his little episode in the childrens hospital, he's been a bit sore today and stayed home from school, medicating every 6 hours or so, and he definitely took it easy..hopefully it won't interfere with his bowling in the morning. I'll pop a valium in my purse just in case..

So life is motoring along, my sister and her husband are home and I would love to see them sometime this weekend also!!

Here's to a good one...ciao

Another week,another absence

It's almost where I don't where work during the day begins and at home at night ends. The time change has thrown me for a complete loop. I have been extremely tired and just can't seem to get the hang of it this time. Plus the added strain from home and work and the kids and my guy and everything else....Calgon take me away has come to mind more than once. Along with a nice warm weekend getaway that I cannot justify in my checkbook at all!

So where do I begin....kid #1 is still being a jerk, oh I'm sorry I meant to say a teenager....he and I are at odds more than ever, but I make sure every morning before I leave him at school to tell him I love him and hopefully that will carry us through this rough time.

ds2 - spent 4 hours in the Children's hospital with him today, muscle strain in the neck from gym class...not fun, no food, no forethought on my behalf of how long I was going to stay there, I was tired of waiting around, hungry and edgy....other than that he's been a pretty decent little guy to live with lately...he's finally warmiing up to my guy and well.....see next paragraph

My guy - him and I had a mentally challenging weekend last weekend. I was mentally exhausted by the time he left Monday morning, so I guess I am seeing the beginning of the end here? I don't know, nor do I put alot of work in it right now as work is crazy busy, another sign that things are aren't going well....there's alot to say here, but right now I'm not in the frame of mind for sharing alot of it.....

Work - God I need a new job, but the economy and my checkbook says we are in a recession, I have a decent paying good job that is not going anywhere, do I jeopardize this or hang in there and try to work through it. The bull in me does not like to fail so I think stick it out...but only time will tell...

Home is a wreck, I really need a maid, again my budget does not condone this behavior, will it ever, maybe when I win the powerball....I am so behind on wash and cleaning and well everything. I haven't been cooking many balanced meals, in fact when i get home I not really hungry at all.....bad bad bad... I know

Weight - same, down to the low end of where I normally weigh, again the not eating is probably the biggest contributor.

My bff, well she is no more....I'm sad and grieving over this loss, but I guess it was a long time coming, I've tried to confront her with these issues that keep popping up, but she turns the other cheek and clams up, for the love of pete I wish she would just unleash on me the wrath and get it out and over with, no such luck, and therefore, no more friend.

So in a nutshell this is my absolutely crazy disfunctional life right now, I would envy no one to step in my shoes as they are too small even for me right now and way too tight.....hopefully the horizons offer some glimmer of hope that things will change soon.

Until then I hope to post in less time than one more whole week...until then ciao

It's been a while

I love that song...lol

But man I miss you guys. Things have been crazy, work is good we are gaining alot of great lines but it is keeping me way too busy to get in here and blog. Life at home is busy too, my oldest son was in an accident Monday (this past) and wrecked my car, the same night as I was up in NYC picking up my sis and her husband from the airport in from Greece. I am up early everyday and to bed late, I'm beyond exhausted and well to be honest haven't been eating well, not exercising ENOUGH and well the sad truth is I put on weight!! Now before we all get well you are too busy and blah, blah, blah let's remember why we did this, so we could learn a new, healthy way of life and what do I do in times of crunch, revert back hard to the old ways!! blah.....so tonight I sat myself down and had a long talk with me, about carbs and candy and snacks and putting things to eat in my mouth mindlessly, eating too much or too many of the wrong things, not getting in here and blogging to keep me going. So I'm on the 5 day pouch test, let's see how much damage I've been inflicting on myself. Tomorrow starts day 1.

On a brighter note me and my guy are getting along great, I can't wait to see him tomorrow, all dapper and handsome in his suit coming home from work. I just can't wait until we get more time together, not that what we have isn't nice but the quality every evening time is what i miss, snuggling up to a warm body at night and knowing when they put their arm around you they mean it, and you feel all warm and fuzzy and protected. That's how he makes me feel :)

So I have been keeping up on yoga, it's my saving grace from going crazy, but other than that zilch, zip, nada....oh vey...things have to change.

My ex MIL also graced me with 5 great high quality business suits too, they are chic and pretty and well I look fab in them, 3 are a bit snug in the belly, so carbs as much as I love you all, goodbye!!!

Other than that, ds2 is almost done bowling and well I can't wait to start manicure and pedicure season, in fact I'm treating myself to a pre-spring pedi tomorrow night, just because....well just because I need to spoil myself on something nice, oh and I did go shopping last weekend, lots of great sales and end of season clearances, I scored big and well I shall be styling again in no time, now I have to make a hair appointment and then I'll be perfect...

I miss you all, I'm glad for the messages and I know I'm back with a vengeance....spring and summer are right around the corner...

Screeching halt

That's where I think my life has ended this weekend. not a good, not even in the least bit. Yesterday was a mind blowing miserable day, the man and I had alot of long conversations, none of them were good. I came home aftewards and he followed down soon after that, we had a great night, thought things were on the up and up....fast forward to today, nope right back where we started out yesterday, this time he felt the need to leave rather than talk. I just don't get it, if I heard that one more time I was going to blow, literally. I know we all have our good days and bad days but to say you are having a bad day when I woke up happy and content...well let's just say it was said one too many times and well....miserable mood 101 here I come.

I also have to say that I mollified myself with 2 chips a hoy cookies. WTF is that....I know, old demons, emotional eating, all of the above and none of it helped. It's over, he's home, I'm home and I'm miserable. Nothing solved, nothing gained and I feel like alot is lost. I feel empty and lonely and there is still alot of cookies left to soothe this feeling. Need to stay away that is the game plan. Called a friend, no where to be found. I'm rambling and I need to right now, here and now....life sucks today!!

Let the research begin

So I did alot of research today online and through others close by who have had wls and reconstructive surgeries also and wow there is alot of information out there. The best thing I found was a website that is going to enable me to finance a portion of this reconstruction since usually and typically the insurance won't pay for a cosmetic surgery. So I've enrolled with them and am waiting till Friday to see how much they are going to finance. The best part is the doctor who is close by and has come to support group meetings to talk to us about ps' in the past is the doctor that I will see because he works in conjunction with this particular finance company. I am very, very jazzed by that whole thing because 1) I've met this doctor, albeit informal but have spoken with him one on one before and 2) he comes highly recommended not only by my weight loss surgeon but also my primary care doctor. Score one big 10 for me today on that one.

So now I wait and once I hear what I need to come up with, maybe as little as $100, then they will make my consult appointment and the ball will be rolling. I'm very excited.

On a different note, last night I was reviewing some pics for sister in Greece from her visit last summer, I'm only 20 lb less now, but wow what a difference I saw in my body from the yoga, weight and workouts...the difference was amazing and even I could see it. Makes a lot of sense and some positive reinforcement to keep working out even when I dont' want to....which I will be doing shortly after I get off here.

Oh and here's the best for last, I found a website.....myfreeimplants.com ok click over and check it out. It's where girls go and solicit help from guys to get their implants paid for....prostitution 101 is what I made that out to be, they are selling pics of themselves to guys who will pay them $$ to put in an account to get a breast implants. All they deal with is breast implants. I guess if you are one who has no care what you do for money then I say go for it, me I guess I'm just too old and well I have another plan in mind for myself...

It's snowing again today and of course Friday is a date night with my man, he's supposed to take me out on the town in Philadelphia and what is the weather calling for ICE!! can you frikkin believe it....I hope mother nature changes her tune between now and then....

The Journey, Part 2

I have stabilized on my weight loss, I currently weight in anywhere from 135-140 depending on the day and the time i weigh in. I think for the most part I'm done with weight loss...so now I'm starting to think about plastics.

When I first started this journey I know deep down in my heart I always thought I would be so grateful to just lose the weight and well I didn't care if I had plastics or not, leaning towards more the not having them done.

Well alot has changed both mentally, physically and emotionally for me in this journey. I am closing the book so much as far as expected weight loss as if I lost anymore I would be too thin according to BMI, but I am not closing this blog it is simply progressing into the next phase of what I want to do with my whole body transformation.

Now this may get a little graphic for some but it is my blog and I need to get it out, down on paper and rationalize the whole thing so i can see it. I want plastics, at least a breast augmentation....do i want implants, well I don't think so but I have a consult with a ps to discuss the options and so that I can chose what is best for me. Do I want a tummy tuck, sure I would love one, do I want a LBL? No, not really, I don't have the excess skin so much in the back it's simply the flab on the front that is most bothersome to me. Do I want my arms and thighs done, sure but will I probably not....

Having said all this the boobs are first and foremost in my mind. I spent last summer wearing a bathing suit for the first time in years, and of course I spent my whole time in self conscious of my girls swaying like an old lady pendulums at my waist. It's embarrasing and well you can imagine how I feel without a bathing suit on.....utter disgust. Now mind you it's not the same as the disgust I used to have over the way my body looked before, but the whole fat loss has left my breasts, formerly 44DDD a deflated 34D and that is on a good day and saved by Body by Victoria bras....Of course they make me look hot with the bra on but you can't wear the bra everywhere and really I just have a mass of skin with no shape shoved in there to make it look nice...the perk with a shirt I look hot, without the bra, old lady sag....

So I'm starting to really think through what I want to do moving forward and well I think I've changed my mind about plastics!

Valentines - Post op

I never really thought about the amount of candy I would consume on Valentines Day until today, or should I say this year. I would buy my children all my favorite candy when they were little, so I could sneak a taste or two, or five or six or whatever ungodly amount I would consume. I never really realized that I never bought the candy for them at Valentines or Easter or any other holiday for that matter, but I would pick out all my favorites, instilling in them that they were also their favorites...yeah right...well anyhow, this year, there is no candy. Boy2 wants an ipod case and something else, boy1 wants gas money. How times have changed and I had decided to just ask them, I love my boys more than life itself and if buying them one thing they would "love" to have then I feel like an accomplished mother.

Happy Valentines to all my friends out there!

Rain, sleet, snow and ice......oh my

Driving home tonight was more fun than.....well NOT...it took me over one hour to do a 15 minute ride, along the way I encountered roads being closed due to severe icing right before my eyes, in fact the last stretch of roadway I encounter to my development was being closed as I was trying to pass through and I had to show the cop my license and prove I wasn't just trying to get over on them. I'm glad I'm home, more than I can say for my guy who is shacking up hopefully right now in Philly for the night since 95 south is closed and all the bridges leading out of Philly are closed due to the severe icing. The relief comes as rain around midnight and lots of it, so by the time I'm ready to leave tomorrow, I'm going to be smooth sailing in.

Still doing yoga, it's quite a challenging series and since I've started with their program, about 3 weeks now, I haven't had one repeat program, pretty sweet. They really emphasize core spots and work them really good. As for belly dancing, well I'm so sore from it, that I didn't participate today :( The poor body just needed a rest I guess.

Weight is the same, which is good. I am noticing some toning going on which is better :)

All in all, life is beautiful

Two days in a row

I'm on a winning streak...lol

My guy surprised me last night by driving down and bringing me roses. How sweet he is and how wonderful it made and is still making me feel. I've definitely got a winner!!

Not much else going on, yoga was good, belly dancing was super fun, we learned head and arm movements today along with hip ones that make your thighs scream in pain..

I'm tired, came home and took 1 hour nap instead of cleaning like a good girl I was supposed to be. I'm still tired and am turning in early tonight.....

The weekend is kid free and unplanned except for stamping tomorrow night...wonder what I will get into???

Ash Wednesday

Like a good catholic I stopped by church on the way to work and got my ashes...alot of people where I work are Catholic so we looked like clones of some sort of science experiement gone bad. Anyhow the reason to bring all this up, is Lent is a season of giving up, like Jesus did for us. So being a WLS patient and even though I'm over a year out, I'm using this opportunity to renew my WLS diet, to cut out the chips that have crept back in. At first they were just there and maybe I'd have some once in a while, when all of a sudden I notice that every night lately I've been diving into the chips. Stress at work, bad, no make that poor eating habits pre surgery all contribute to this. Is it right, NOPE, does it happen, YES. And with this I am doing something about it. I haven't gained any weight back from all of this, but I feel like it bloats me, salt, carbs, nothing good about what I've been shoveling in there lately. So my pledge to myself for the next 40 days is no chips. Good lord, it will be a long 40 days and I'm almost already regretting this decision, but I know in the end I will be better for it.

So STBXH seems like he will be homeless STBXH soon....no $$ is rolling his way and well it's not my problem, of course that means ds2 will NOT be visiting either until I see with my own two eyes that there is a place for him in a home...and not just any home either.

DS1 has an interview finally, fingers and toes crossed for him to get this job, I know it will help him out alot.

My guy has requested my presence for a date on Friday night, I can't wait, he said dress nice and be at his house at 8pm...I'm so excited.

Speaking of Friday night I have stamping. Haven't been since Oct, with conflict of interest for Nov and holidays, I'm excited to see the girls and get some projects and new techniques started. Just have to make sure I go prepared to leave and dash up to PA pronto.

Work is crazy, I've been logging in 9+ hour days lately, mostly going in really early before anyone wakes up so I can get some work done!! It's amazing how much I need to do and still do just to catch up.

Home is ok, I am starting to think about painting because I've decided I'm still going to try and sell the house in the spring. I hope it can be accomplished but if not, well then I stay....we'll see and I'm sure there will be more on this in the upcoming months. Besides the house needs painting anyway..lol

Yoga and belly dancing are still going well. The past two days though yoga has kicked my ass. They were really hard classes and did moves that I could not perform, in fact I couldn't even perform a simple balance move yesterday, it just proved to me how much stress impacts your life and my concentration so that I could perform the moves, which I couldn't. Deep breath and move on.

Weather has been beautiful also here the last few days, I'm sad to see it changing tonight, but they are calling for nasty storms to come through and then well, it's getting cold and they are forecasting SNOW for weekend, it's almost a naughty four letter word in my dictionary at this point in winter since we've seen none so far.

That is about it on my end, time to forage for some sort of dinner.......I miss everyone I generally read and will be doing alot of catching up tonight for sure!

Long time no here

I'm back, the whole big brother is watching over me and not allowing me to blog during the day has really cramped my style. I miss coming in and writing down my feelings, happenings and what is going on in general with stuff. I miss coming and reading about my friends and all their wonderful things going on along with the not so wonderful sometimes. I miss the support that I get from knowing that you all are only a click away when I am feeling down or just need a friend. I haven't been in to blog in almost a week, I think the last time I did that was when I was on vacation and that was fun.....

Work has been crazy, if it can go wrong it is, I'm munching horribly to prove it. Those bad habits reared their ugly heads last Wed and well to be honest haven't really gone away that much, so what am I doing to compensate, well I'm not eating properly. I'm not doing the six mini meals that I have been doing. In fact on Sat night I had one bite and declared myself done dinner. This came to many unapproving eyes as they know what I am up to. I'm eating bad things, wrong things or too much of something and I'm not eating when it's time to eat the good stuff. I know it is totally unacceptable. I'm a victim of circumstance I tell myself, but today, six days later I find myself the same victim of this circumstance that isn't even part of my life anymore. Two bites of chicken parm tonight and I'm done. I'm having a decaf coffee right now and well, I need to eat a balanced meal.

My STBXH is a total asshole, he is about to be evicted from his apt he shares with the lady friend, and he thinks I should bail him out. Yeah like never, ever in a million years, I didn't not pay your bill that is your problem not mine. I've been diligent albeit broke in getting mine paid, I feel no remorse or platitude to help him out. Call me cold, hard or just indifferent but that is how it is. Not my problem anymore. If you didn't go out and party too much or buy whatever or just plain go to work so you get a whole paycheck maybe, just maybe you wouldn't be there. Anyhow, I'm not helping him out. In fact the biggest kick I received on Friday was him (STBXH) if I would ask my man if he would loan me the $$ to give to him. Balls, that is all I have to say on that subject.

I am 14 months out of surgery. I've been told I'm too thin, I'm gaining weight back, I don't eat enough, I eat too much, wrong foods, too healthy, ok you get the jist, everyone seems to know what is right for me. How about me, don't you think for one minute that maybe I might know what is best for ME! Amazing concept, really.

Had a great weekend, got lots of great stuff done, went to the movies with the boy #2 and out and about, of course he thinks everytime someone goes to the store he's entitled to something and I had to pull the plug on him just as I had to do earlier with his brother. I'm not a bank, nor will I ever be one....

So exercise is good, belly dancing is still going well, although I'm really not adept in the practice yet, but I'm working on it. It's lots of fun and if you ever get the opportunity you should definitely take it.

I have no time

I wish I had more time to write. I have so much going on and it's all happening at once.

My eldest son has been giving me teenage grief, he wants to move out and live with his father, of course the flip side is his father and I talked about it and he doesn't really have the means to keep him right now....it's hard to be 17 is all I can say....poor boy *lots of stress*

My youngest son is not doing so great in school. Now this is no big news really, he has always struggled in school and is not really the academic person, but he's a big heart and tries so hard. *lots of stress*

Me and my honey bickered all weekend, it wasn't a total washout, but we were both tired and well had so much to do so we were drained and just on edge I guess *lots of stress*

So what does this tell me, my head says EAT, pig out, carbs, sugar, ice cream, candy, CHIPS (my all time favorite) but my body and knowledge are saying NO!! you've worked so hard to give in to this type of stress...thank god my body won that fight, or I may just be boycotting my scale about now :) I've come along way in this journey. I have alot more learning to do, but it's a great stride for me to say I didn't give in to temptation, I just dealt with it a different way.

At the end of the day I'm proud of myself, things are working out with the oldest, although it will be sometime before I'm sure he wants to speak with me, the youngest is continuing to struggle but try very hard to do good at school, and well me and my man, had a bad few, tired days, we are good, we talked, I sobbed, he was upset and it's all good

Life is constantly throwing these challenges at me, I'm game for them, bring them on!!

Belly dancing, it's amazing to me that I can do this wonderful dance. I'm no expert but I have to say it is getting somewhat easier. Not a pro, but I'm working on it! Yoga, I've taken up Namaste yoga now, it's more challenging and I feel like a different person already in only two weeks.


Life is beautiful!

T-minus 2 hours

and I pick him up at the airport!! I'm giddy with excitement, like a girl going on a first date again....whew....

I got him a little something, hoping he likes, knowing he will...because that's the kind of guy he is. It's cold here, bitter with wind...a nice getaway would be nice, somewhere warm and tropical comes to mind, but it's not happening any time soon :(

No belly dancing today :( I have to say this am I woke up thighs burning..hips hurting. I guess I'm doing it right because the burn is where it should be. I love it and practiced last night..lol
Can't wait for my class on Monday!!

Yoga is kicking my butt too, I kicked it up a notch to a harder class, really working too...I love the feeling but owie!!! Muscles I haven't used, or not used much are really screaming at me right now...lots of new things going on. But that is what this whole journey is for me, trying out new and exciting things. Things I would never as a "fat girl" ever, ever tried and I'm loving it, the freedom to say I want to do that and just doing it. Before I would analyze it, would I be able to do it, would I be able to breathe, how would I feel one day, two days later and usually the answers would just drive me right back to the couch and some sort of comfort food. Not the new me, she wants to do, experience and enjoy what is out there for life to give.

My gf did belly dancing for a while, outfit and all, she says we are the same size so when I get better I can don the outfit and give a little performance...lol

Weekend is low key, me and the man, no kids. No worries, no plans and all happiness.

Hope your weekends are as fun as mine is going to be :)

Belly dancing is harder than it seems

We did our first class of belly dancing today, WOW is all I have to say. I have to give those girls who do it and make it look so easy because it's not. It's takes alot, of control and what have you....I did enjoy it, immensely and am looking forward to class #2 tomorrow. I'm going to practice my three moves.....I have to get them down as we only go up from here.

Also, tried out some new yoga today, nice I feel stretched....which is the goal I am out to achieve when I am doing yoga. I ate well, exercised 2x and well overall it's been a good day.

Two days till my man comes home and I'm missing him dearly. I've got quite a surprise cooked up for us.....two days of bliss...lol

Work is busy, thank goodness. Some of the new changes are starting and so far I'm liking them. Fortunately for us and our buyout we can only go up from here.

Life is good, I am good.....and well that's about it.

Big brother has shut me down

I usually blog from work, well now that we have uploaded into our new companies web they have blogger blocked!! Ha....hence I haven't been around. I will get on a new schedule....

Things are good, had a great weekend with the man, he was home for two days although he worked Sat night, Sunday was brief and we sent him packing to Miami and 80 degrees while we froze what is left of us off here. It's still cold and damp and well just plain miserable. I always forget why I hate winter so, well there's no forgetting it this week.

Work has installed direct tv in our exercise room, two things will now happen, people will invade the room to watch tv when I work out and well I will try some new things, I found fit tv on there and I like the Shimmy program (learning belly dancing) sounds like lots of fun to me, and there is a yoga show on beforehand. I may just change out my workouts for this...today I simply ran and checked out the programming.

Weight is holding, although I had a few times over the weekend where I was feeling not quite right and not really sure what could have caused that. I have been eating regularly, taking all my vitamins and drinking lots of water so I don't know...if it continues throughout this week a call to the doc will be warranted.

The man comes home Friday, i can't wait to see him, we have a romantic, quiet alone weekend planned (well I do..lol)

My last eye doctor has prescribed contacts that don't work for me, I can't see out of the darned things at a distance. Doesn't bode to well for trying to watch tv and such, hence new doctor, new insurance and appt this Sat. It's the only time I have to get up and leave the house if you know what I mean...lol

So I'm off to finish the laundry, I still have some cleaning I need to get done this week, and well with this miserable cold weather I feel like doing NOTHING!!!

Back again

I'm back, mentally in a much better place than I've been earlier this week. I ended up relapsing in my illness and had to fight my way into the doc's office to be seen as the meds I was taking were depleted. I got in and got more meds, and finally this morning I woke up feeling better.

I was in such a foul, lousy mood, but have managed to eek myself out of it. Not to bore you with details, but it was black!!

Yesterday we had 2" of snow, which quickly turned to rain after rush hour...lol Tomorrow we are expecting snow showers again and 3 days next week again....I know it's winter but with each passing year I'm determined to get out of DE once and for all as I hate winter. I love the change of seasons though so I stay...lol

Going up to visit my guy for a brief period this weekend as he's home tonight and then works tomorrow evening and then back to FL again for the last week of his assignment. DS2 will be joining me so we can all hang out and enjoy our company...lol


That's about it....

I've not been feeling it

I'm not in a blogging mood, in fact I've not been in any kind of good mood since last night. I don't know what is wrong with me, but i'm down, blue, depressed at best. I am just surviving right now....so maybe I'll be around and maybe not, not sure I want to write about it right now anyhow.

Had a great weekend, Mr my guy is safely working in FL, I miss him terribly but talk to him a few times a day. He's home Friday and we're getting together although briefly on Sat.

I'll be around....hope you all are enjoying...I'm not right now :(

Friday quickie

I almost forgot to come in here and post today.

Today is good. This week has been good.

Just a few blurbs about the weekend.....

- The guy leaves Sunday, 10am
- The oldest is getting grounded with no car privledges for a week to start
- The youngest has been great (now that's a switch)
- The STBXH has been ok also this week (I may regret just typing that)
- I am excited it's Friday and almost time to go home
- I've maintained my weight for 2 weeks now, that's very impressive for me.
- I've exercised all that I have intended on this week
- I've eaten well, back to well balanced meals and no extra munching and crunching
- The sun is finally out again
- The weather has been warm all week, that's always a plus, but I'm sure it's going to change and really soon
- I have a weekend alone with my man, that is until he leaves

and with that I leave you all

ENJOY :)

Quality time

with my guy is at a premium for the next two weeks. He has received a golden opportunity with his company to work out of the Ft Lauderdale office for the next two weeks, so this Sunday at noon he's on a jet plane headed for sunny, warm FL. I am very excited for him as this is an excellent opportunity for him, but at the same time I'm going to miss him terribly :( He will be home the following weekend but alas he has a prior commitment to work on Sat at a wedding and has to leave early Sunday again, so it will probably be two weeks I won't see him. The old saying is that absence makes the heart grow fonder will certainly be put to test here.

Got up again this morning and did my weight workout, I'm back in the swing. Yesterday's eating was 100% on target and I'm feeling really good about that, the carbs really were taking a toll and I can't express how much I need to stay away from them to feel good about myself and not have those "reactions" that us WLS patients have with carb overload...lol

Tonight is a quiet night home with the kids and then I get to see my guy for two days and he's off....lots to do at work today so I'm off to venture into that.

Finally feeling a little human again

This cold is really kicking me, but I am fighting back, exercise, good healthy eating and lots of water and sleep. I feel like I'm finally winning the battle but not the war yet.

This morning was yoga, I ran yesterday, 30 min felt great....I feel re-energized. Let no one tell you that exercise isn't something you miss once you get a good routine going, my body was craving it and let me know...I felt much, much better after just a few sessions this week.

Weight has been steady, which is good. Carbs are virtually gone, expect essential ones at this point, I have no more stomach problems and you think that alone would be enough to just get me to stop eating them nasty things. Um no....live and learn.

DS2 is finally back at school again, he and I have been sharing this cold and it's knocked him on his butt for a few days, the oldest one hasn't been sick yet (knock on wood).

Just a few things going on here. Plus the weather is warm, sunny and a little windy (change is coming) but for today I will take it and I am a happy girl!!

Tonight I get to see my guy, what else could a girl ask for! :)

Post nasal drip

I feel like my nose and sinus would like to just fall out of my head. I am exercising but definitely on a more limited means than I would like to. I just can't seem to shake this cold, today I actually feel disconnected and it's feeling worse not better. Got up and did my weights workout, made me feel really good, but overall I feel like crap. I am going to run at lunch again, woot....this is what it is about, the exercise and adrenaline pumping through my body. I'm actually really excited to work out today, even though I feel like crap.

The youngest boy is home sick again, school called yesterday and I had to dash out early and get him, he's home with this crap also, this winter has definitely been one for colds circling round and round in home. Even after all the cleaning and sanitizing we are just not shaking this cold.

The oldest so far has not succumbed to the crap, but I'm sure him in bed at 7pm was a sign of things to come for him...lol

So I'm sniffling, stuffy and overall congested but feeling alot better...lol

The upside, today is supposed to get up near 70, which is just a perfect temp that I wouldn't mind if it stayed around all year long, but alas it will end shortly and well we will be back in the throes of winter here....hopefully we can keep it mild and coast through the next two and a half months....

STBXH called to say he might get laid off, he's crying and crying about it, I said why do you care now all of a sudden, last year you were laid off for 8 months and it never bothered you, his answer...You were working. What a slap in the face to realize again what an idiot I have been to just carry this fool on my coattails all these years....anyhow that's life and lesson learned.

Off to enjoy what little sunlight we have and get my Vit D fix. :)

Relationships and such

Weekend was good, although I'm still on the mend from this cold. It really has taken alot more out of me than I originally thought. My new guy (he needs a name) and I had a really hard weekend, a true test of friendship and the budding relationship that is going on, I was a weepy miserable mess (blame it on the meds, because it was them) I woke up Friday, Sat and Sunday with a nasty, horrible headache. I know the one med is causing them, but unfortunately I need to finish them as they are helping me get well, so a crossroads has been met.

Today I'm back in the gym at lunch, I have to and need to....my body is craving the exercise that has been lacking in my life and my attitude well, it needs it too!! So at lunch, the elliptical and I have a date, my old friend will be dusted off and I will be back in there running for my life!! literally!

Had a good weekend with one of my children, we saw a movie Sat night and hung out. Yesterday I was not myself with a migraine all day so he called his father and went over there for the day.

I did get my yoga in both days this weekend, so progress....also all the crap that has been festering in the house is gone!! I have to be more diligent with my eating, I've worked very hard to get where I am now and no one, especially ME will bring me back to my old ways.

Friday finally

And I'm starting to feel a little more human. I'm sure after this weekend and few more doses of meds I'll be back on top of things. The one med though knocked me for a loop last night, out like a light early and it was scary, of course then I didn't want to wake up this a.m. either so out the window my yoga went. If I'm feeling up for it later I'm going to try and work it in after work.

Today is my asst's last day, let's just say it was my decision to terminate this person and once again I'm back at the drawing board looking for good, qualified help. It's not the best position I will have to admit, but it's a stepping stone to bigger and better things if the right person just applied themselves. Anyhow, at least we are slowing down dramatically for the next month or so, so I shouldn't have a problem this time and can be more meticulous to pick the right person.

Also, the bad news from the doc's yesterday that I forgot to write about is that they put me back on one blood pressure med. I was not happy about that, in fact that means in a short six month period I've weaned myself off of them completely and now I'm back on a basic dose of HCTZ....I'm still not happy about it, but the HBP runs rampid in my family, so a guess the family history is taking over my desire not to be on the meds....we'll see if I can kick up the exercise a notch and maybe, just maybe I can get off the meds again.

Weight was good at the doc's, I've managed to maintain my weight now for 4 weeks since my last doc visit, which I was overjoyed with. Of course I know there was more than one time in the past 4 weeks that a less than desirable morsel passed these lips, and I did mentally beat myself up about many of those bites, but that is exactly what they were bites here and there and not gorging myself to gluttony with cookies, cakes and all the other sweet treats that were brought in for the holiday season. Of course everyone is cleaning out their pantries now, but with this horrible cold I'm in no mood to eat, thank god!! Back on track and making me priority one again is my goal by next Friday.

Citrus fruits, I want to talk a little about this also, as a reformed GERD patient, early out from surgery I had tremendous problems eating any citrus, but have found my love of navel oranges and they pretty bag at the store last week calling my name, so I indulged and am happy to report that for two days in a row I have had no reflux systems from eating one orange. Of course I hold my breath with each bite I take but overall it's has been a dream come true!! I'm glad because sometimes the selection in our local grocery is less than desirable at this time of year.

Life is about relaxing and balancing life with my new man and my children this weekend, the youngest wants to see One Missed Call at the movies and the oldest I'm sure will be out with his gf all weekend. Of course the new man is working tomorrow 4:30 - midnight djing so I will get some quality time in tonight with him. Life is full of promise and with each new day I am feeling more and more better about the decisions I have made for me and my children.

The verdict is in............

I have a sinus infection and bronchitis. No wonder I feel like shit! Sorry about that. I'm trudging through another busy day here at work and thankful today is Thursday and not Monday.

I have four rx's to pickup tonight and another night of movies and relaxing in on my agenda.

Back more when I feel a little more up for a comment or two....

I did get my weight training exercise in this a.m. so at least I feel accomplished in that area of my life right now! :)

2008

A new start, a new day, a new year. What will it bring for me? Who knows, but I do know I am going to try and become a more positive person and get out there and try new things. I want to be a good friend, a good mom, a good person.

New Years Eve was spent relaxing and surprisingly I did manage to stay up and watch the ball drop and Dick Clark, my honey, my youngest son and I celebrated the new year and off to bed we went. DS2 is now sick again, the cold has come full circle in the house in 3 weeks. UGH, he's home from the first day back to school and I'm at work, hoping that 5pm comes sooner rather than later.

Tonight I start undecorating the house, I need to get my life back in order. I am craving the organization in my household as it is not there presently. I need my oldest ds to respect his mother and while I know he is growing up, he's still a young boy. I want sanity and reason to return and I want to exercise. I feel as if a bowling ball is lodged in my head and everytime I lean forward it precariously is teetering on the edge of falling right through my sinus cavity. I am winded walking up stairs because I am so congested I cannot breath. I wake up 3x or more a night in coughing jags that would make a 3 pack a day envious. I just want to be well again.

I am embarking on my first full year at weight. While I know that I still have a small window of opportunity to lose I think I am where I will remain. I want to tone, sculpt and just get my body in the best possible shape it can be in now. I want to go to the beach this summer and not be embarrassed by jiggly thighs and batwings that would make any flying animal envious. I want to look as good as I feel these days. Vitamins, exercise, protein, fresh fruits and veggies are going to be the mainstays of my life. I want, no crave these things to help me mold into the person I am.