Picture Perfect

was the exact words to describe the "big" boat ride this weekend. I had no time to download my pics from my camera but I will. It was a gorgeous 89' yacht we rode down the Hudson to the Statue of Liberty (while blaring Neil Diamond) then up the East River and back up the Hudson. The weather was gorgeous, company great and everyone had an excellent time. Aftewards we went down to The Chart House near Palisades and had dinner overlooking the New York City skyline as the sunset. It was the ending of a beautiful day watching the full moon ascend over the city that never sleeps.

Sunday was back to reality with cleaning, wash and all those other motherly duties that we all really wish we could hire help for!! We've planned the vacation and are leaving on the 18th of August for a week. I cannot wait for a little R&R with no work and no worrying about anything!

Weight is down for the week, which is where it should be. Periods are still being irratic, which is driving me absolutely bonkers. Kids are being their normal selves (which always isn't good) and life goes on. I'm tired from all the activities and will come back and post my pictures soon

Rainy types of Fridays

So the big storms came through, actually without so much hoopla as the ones the night before. But the temps are much nicer and the humidity is lowering.

Today is dday per se for the asst who puts the ASS in assistant....hopefully (but probably not) he will finally get it that he works here in my dept for ME!! Like I said I'm not holding my breath....

Tomorrow is the boat ride - yeah

Sister announced (finally) to the family she's getting married - IN GREECE, and soon....

We are probably going to try and see if the cat that is hanging around would like to become a permanent member of our family. We've tried to find him a home, but alas no one claims her....she's sweet and we all love her.

The weather is getting nice again, just like summer should be

It's almost 4th of July....of course I still have to work...so who cares.. I DO!!

I'm losing again....that feels really good

It's the weekend....that feels better

Everyone have a great one!

Hip, Hip Horray!!

DH has finally gotten a job!! and a good one at that.....so no more Mr. Mom for him. Starting Monday bright and early he'll be back commuting with the crazies out there for a measly few dimes to rub together and call his own. I'm so happy, he got laid off from his last job the same night of my surgery, now mind you that was 7 1/2 months ago. So you can see why I'm so darned excited.

The scale has gone to the graveyard in the trash dump......it's really a shame because it was a great scale, but with my hefty person once inhabiting it almost daily for months now, well no wonder the poor sucker gave out. I'm torn about purchasing a new one at this point and may just go without and go with clothing comfort. We'll see, because as much as I want to I can't seem to let go of that scale, that beautiful piece of mankind that allows me to see that I'm not obese, or fat or even moderately fat anymore....

As much as I don't want to be I've been rabidly following my sizes on my journey down. I don't always believe this is healthy and I can't seem to get out of the knack of being pleased when a certain something in a lesser size fits. Like for instance today, I'm wearing flat panel pants in size 8!! Holy cow I think to myself, size 8, I don't even think I wore this size in high school ever, at all. So to my mind it's a huge accomplishment, but I don't want to measure all my accomplishments by size and a number. I need to figure out a way to start finding other things to rejoice. Maybe the fact that I'm down from 5 pills a day to 1/2 and it should/will be gone by November of this year as I'm weaning myself off with doc's supervision. I don't know, I like the thrill and adventure of this losing but my rational mind says it's bad, it's like eating ice cream, so darned addictive.

We've been having wicked t-storms here and are in line for another batch this afternoon and tonight, however, when this batch comes through we are also ushering in cooler, dryer air for the weekend, so YEA for us.

I'm excited for the big boat trip this weekend, have to remember to get the camera. Also, find something to wear that is nice but sensible for a boat trip.

that's life for the moment....

Time for a boat trip

We are going on a nice boat ride this Sat....starting in Haverstraw, NY around the Statue of Liberty then up the Hudson River. Thank goodness this wicked weather should be cleared out by then!! I am very excited and actually want to buy something casual nice to wear on the trip!! WOW I would never have even considered going on this trip in the past, but things change.

On a weight note, I had to peek at the scale this a.m. Well that was a bust and I think the darned scale is broke!! It read 125.5 three different readings. Now I know there is no way in hell that I've dropped 42.5 lb in one night. I know I sweat buckets when I work out but c'mon folks. The poor scale has just had too much trauma and is done. I thought I broken it before, but it needed a new battery, dh put in said battery and it was back working like a charm, not this time. I think I will have to send it off to the scale graveyard.

In my personal life, it's going good, dh is back to joining me for couples therapy tonight and then we both go individual. I'm so excited, I didn't want to blog about it, but I'm glad things are turning....maybe this is the break we've needed. He missed an important call about a job yesterday too!! So today he will call and hopefully Monday he will be working again! Makes him feel like a real man again. Also, getting my hair streaked with blond highlights. I've done the dark for a bit, now it's time for a bit of a change. I hope I like it when it's done.

Work, is work...busy and getting busier by the moment for me. With dh's new impending job, no time for family vacation...so maybe some R&R for myself with long weekends....ahhhhh

Life is good right now!

Ding Dong

the weight is finally gone. I've broken the plateau officially. Six weeks of bobbling back and forth between 170 and 172 and now I'm 168....two days in a row. I've conquered the demons and am marching forward again in my procession. Of course during this plateau I was losing inches still as I was measuring and the clothes were definitely getting looser still.

I took an extended weekend off, relaxing with the boys and dh at the beach, had a big amount of car trouble (tow, fixed and more $$ that I don't have to pay for it all) but we are back on track. It was nice and albeit short, much needed.

So today I have alot of work to catch up on and get ready for the big buys coming at the end of the week.

So I am learning that perserverance has big rewards. Before I never would have made it this far. I'm learning and it feels good!

Home and gone again

J fly in without a hitch yesterday afternoon. I met her at the airport and we had a brief but fun 5 hour visit. Then she was up and off again this a.m. down to SC where she is currently living. It's always nice to see your sister, it was surprising though that she walked right by me at the airport!! I can't believe I look that different since I last saw her in Feb and she's had update pictures every month from me.

I miss you J!!

It's Friday, let's do that happy dance!! I'm excited about a nice weekend weather wise. Going down to the shore tomorrow and see what I can get into.

Have a great weekend all!!

J is coming home

I'm so excited to see my little sissie. I haven't seen her since Valentines weekend and it was bitter cold when she came up to visit, but we did get a bit of shopping in. My little sis and I are very close, so it's been a real pia to have her living in Greece the past three months. Of course I have to get used to this as she is going to be marrying and moving there permanently soon. She, of course will be exhausted, but I am so glad she's coming home.

I'm in a good mood today. I'm starting to think that my body is becoming more moody as the influx of hormones with the WLS is running rampid all the time. I am also wondering if I am suffering from some sort of depression. It's entirely possible given the circumstances I've been dealing with at home for the past few months, along with the WLS which can have this occur also. So I think it's time for a heart to heart with the doctor(surgeon) regarding this. I think too much and that is half of my problem.

Welcome to summer, it's my favorite day of the year, the summer solstice or longest day. Of course who doesn't love to have all that Vitamin D out there for the taking. It doesn't hurt that our weather has turned absolutely marvelous. Low humidity and low to mid-80's for temps. It's simply perfect.

I've had quite a few very good food days. I've noticed alot of my fellow sassy sisters here are starting to talk more and more about the carbs and how evil they are. Well I'm one of them who has/had succumbed to this horrific realization that they go down to easy and have absolutely no freaking benefit to me at all! I've made my complex or simple, back to the basics. It's such a great tool, and for an overanalyzer like myself it was easy to see where I was falling back.

Exercise has been changed around again, for boredom reasons more than any other at this point. I can't wait till dh finds a job so I can pursue the health club route. Excuses, excuses...but the $$ is just not there right now. At least the work gym gives me a great variety of machines and weights to use.

It's a great day, go out and enjoy it.

All I can say

is I'm starting over today. I had a great/emotional/horrible therapy session last night. After my thinking period and what we spoke of last night she felt like I had some breakthroughs. So we will work on these, one at a time per my request, and see where this takes us. I hate being miserable, bitchy and moody.

Today is a nice rainy day, man did we need it. My little flowers are curling at the leaves it was so dry out there. Today we have a nice steady, slow rain. It's beautiful the way mother nature rejuvenates itself when in desperate need. Unfortunately the boys are supposed to go swimming so we'll see if it clears up in time for them to go.

Thinking about taking off or 1/2 day on Friday. I am pretty sure we are all heading down to the shore again this weekend. I'm really starting to enjoy these long weekends and relaxing with book in hand at the shore line. I've also heard gf's are going to be down at the beach this weekend too this weekend, so it should be fun.

I took a day off yesterday from exercise, it felt good. I am pushing it way too much lately. Is there such a thing as pushing exercise too much? Anyhow, I didn't do any. Today, right back at it. It's nice to want to do exercise.

Tonight we go see Uncle B, he leaves in the a.m. to go back to Montana. Tomorrow J comes home from Greece, I can't wait to see her.

I'm mulling over a few things and life is beautiful.

Someone call me a doctor...........

that is if he can fix this head of mine. When I first embarked on my WLS journey, it was May 2003. I was convinced that this would be my solution to a long term, life endangering problem that I had, I was FAT!! Well I started my research, spent the next 6 months researching everything and then BAM, the knee went. My world as I knew it fell out from beneath me. I was devastated because this knee, which has been in various states of disrepair my whole life, was failing me and keeping me from proceeding on with my initial consultation. I fell into a deep depression regarding this whole ordeal. When you are FAT and fighting the demons and already to a degree depressed, having something monumental happen, like this it's hard to cope. I finally had my knee repaired (actually partial replacement) in Feb 2005. It took that long to get everything in line and try with desparate attempt all other options before the insurance would pay for the surgery. I lost another 2 years of my life at this point. Well that's how I looked at it at this point. Plus I continued to balloon upwards, spiraling out of control. I had limited exercise and pain was a part of my everyday life. One year, exactly, to the day after my knee surgery, I pulled out all my old WLS research. I was taking charge of my life once again. I have a very good friend in CA, who had the DS surgery in 3/05, she is a shining example of surgery done right. She was very gentle, but constantly prodding me, reminding me, however she did she planted the seed again. This time it flourished. I went on vacation with the family to VA Beach in Aug 06, it was the final straw, the pictures, the bathing suit (or tent as I referred to it as) and the whole experience of walking (or lack of really) hit home, I could not go on living my life the way it was playing out. I had already made my first consult appointment prior to us leaving, but there was a wait. I waited. I was patient, at least I thought I was, but probably not. I went in, I was prepared. I thought I knew what I wanted in 2003, come to find out I totally changed my mind about this by the time I reorganized in 06 and went in knowing the only lap RNY was the solution for me. The strictness of having my insides re-arranged was what I needed to keep my honest and to put me in a place where this tool would help me for the rest of my natural life. So as the doc and I were chatting I asked him alot of questions. I went in with a list, written out. He was very pleased I was prepared, he said so. I was pleased by the results of this conversation, of him and we moved forward. The next month, month and a half were a plethora of visits to all the support doctors we see pre-op. It was surreal. I never had a doubt, quiver or allowed myself to think that this was not the thing to do. Well I finished out with the doctors, everything was a go, I was excited and I had two weeks to prepare for surgery. During those two weeks I spent alot of time pondering if this was really the thing I should do. I had what I thought was a mild panic attack one night analyzing this to death. Deep down in my heart I knew it was 1000% the correct thing to do, but my head, well it will mull it over and over and let that self doubt that is so prevalent in my life come through. The mind is a wicked place if you do not have control over it, at least for me. I know many times during my life when I was dieting I would get to that place where I would cheat, then cheat again. I would gain back a few pounds lost and my mind would say, Michelle, you are fat, you dh loves you, live with it. I would be OK for a day or so then I would fall into depression over another failed diet. This cycle would repeat itself over and over during my adult life. So now I've called the shrink yesterday. I told her, I need to get my head right. I can't work on my marriage until I'm right. I can't love someone else, until I learn to love myself, for who I am today. Through all this hard work and having my insides rearranged I wish there were some type of pre-op support to help you re-arrange you head to match your lower portion. I don't know where this will lead, but I'm tired of trying to please everyone else and getting no pleasure out of this current lifestyle.

It's really an eye awakening realization to wake up and realize that I really don't love myself enough to love another.

The reality is............

the weekend is over and today is Monday. My body says lets have off a few extra days and have some fun, it was just getting started!!

Weekend was a blur, literally. I was so busy and all the pre-arranged plans got switched based on one boy and his tournament that he 'forgot' to tell me about earlier last week. So Friday was off to shop for food, I hate food shopping I hardly eat any of which I buy and mostly its stuff for the boys. So home and unpack and off for some retail therapy of my own. I got all kinds of fun, cute things for the backyard to make it more desirable a place to sit and relax and enjoy life. I really do like to read or whatever out back if it's nice surroundings. Oh did I mention I did buy a pair of size8 (OMG i can't believe 8's) shorts and a nice tank to go with it this weekend too. I am loving my surgery right now, plateau has finally broken and with a bang!! Down 6 whole lbs with one weigh in. Really reaffirms for me that this is a tool and you have to work the system baby to make it work.

Sister is coming home from Greece on Thursday, I can't wait to see her, it's been a while, well since she visited in February, and I've changed so much and I just can't wait to see her. My little sister and me are so close, always have been, and I missed her tons when she moved away, but greece, well that's not even easily accessible.

Made cards, finally, Saturday morning. DS2 and I got up extra early, yeah 5:30 for each of us...what the heck is that!! I am finding that the more I exercise and lose weight the more energy I have and I don't sleep 1/2 as long or feel tired throughout the day like I did before. I just like to cram as much as I can into each day and consider it a blessing to be alive and healthy.

So today, I have lots of work to catch up on. Of course to catch up with all you great girls too since I've had no computer....and plan some more beach time off!!

My Friday

Yeah for me, we are off tomorrow, heading out to Baltimore Aquarium to take in the beauty of Australia. Probably the closest I will ever get to Australia at least for a long period of time. I'm very excited to go as this will be a big walking day, plus seeing alot of exciting things. Hopefully I will not forget my camera (as previous jaunts I have) and it will be a beautiful day.

Other than that I have a nice relaxing weekend in store. Planning on visiting a relative who has flown in from Montana (the Big Sky country) and spend some quality time with him sans his beautiful wife, Jewel. Maybe take in some of the great foods of the Italian festival that is ending this week and draws about 150,000 - 200,000 to our little ole state for some good food, family, games and entertainment. Of course who wouldn't want to win the brand new Cadillac that they raffle off at the end of the whole thing! Of course with the prices of fuel, I wouldn't want to be that lucky winner this year...lol

So I'm relishing my Friday ways today and it's only Thursday!!

Enjoy the weekend, as I don't think I'll be popping in here much at all.

Yesterday

was a perfect WLS eating day....mostly protein, veggies and lots of H2O...

I feel accomplished, very much so. Also, throw in there some cardio and weights and viola recipe for a smaller version of me.

Now if I can just keep this up, we'll be back in business in no time.

On another note, sister 2 is coming home from Greece next week, exactly in one week. She's been over there visiting her "friend" K for the last three months. To make a long story shorter, she's known him for a little over a year, they are both traveling back and forth spending time with one another, and now they are getting married, both in Greece and here in the US. I'm so excited and the very first to know in my family. Ssshhh it's a big secret for now. I've had to tell someone and since I know for a fact that no one in my family reads my blog I'm safe (or as safe as one can be on the internet...ha ha) Anyhow I'm very excited for her and she's asked me to join them this year (later) for the Greek ceremony...so I'm saving the bucks because Greece is one place I've always wanted to visit and how nice would that be. I'm very excited can you tell. :)

So it gives me pleasure to have something to strive for once again, of course these last 20 are going to be the killer, but I'm excited to see them go once and for all.

Plateaus

I'm stuck!! Been this same weight for 4 weeks now.. I knew it would come sooner or later, I was just hoping for later.

I haven't done a bad job of the weight loss so far, but I've tightened the belt per se on snacking and upped the exercise, more cardio!!

I've lost 70% of the excess weight, who couldn't be happier about that!! But darn ok damn I hate the lulls, I want to lose another 1 lb maybe 2 lbs...tease me, please me, just show me a loss scale!!

So there I have it, I'm stuck....hoping to unstick myself real soon!

Goals and weight loss

Melting Mama in a post last week asked us about our goals. Well I have a hefty list that I handwrote in a journal (which is home right now) with goals. I can rattle off a dozen or so off the top of my head so hear goes:

Goals to reach via WLS:

To be able to walk stairs without needing a 1) break and 2) breathing machine
To exercise
To cross legs
To weight less than dh
To become healthier, hence being taken off meds needed to survive
To feel good about oneself
To be able to walk, 1 mile, 2 miles, 3 miles...ok you get the idea (BTW: I'm up to about 6-7 at a jaunt right now)
To enjoy life
To become acceptable in said life and job
To hike
To bike
To become a participant in life rather than a specatator
To learn to love myself for whom I am

So there is my list that I remember off the top of my head. Things on the list are checking themselves off all the time. It's nice, it's normal!

My weightloss is stalled, it's ok, I'm losing inches. I know I am, I put on pants this a.m. which are now falling off of me (three weeks after last wearing) I weigh the same. So the weights are paying off, the cardio is back in my life and things are good. I'm happy with myself, exercise is a priority not an option anymore. I find myself craving it when I don't get enough or any. Eating is back in line, tracking online again (got away from that big bad no no for me!)

My current goal today is to plan a vacation...hopefully soon and hopefully some fun...

ttfn

Normal

What does it mean to be normal? I have been told "alot" lately that now that you are normal? Whoa hold on, so you are telling me pre-WLS I was not? that's a slap in the face for anyone. I've also noticed that I'm more "attractive" to the men here at work, they will put their arm around me, or stand really, really close when talking in a group setting. Before they would stand back, almost like it was a chore to speak with me. I've only really noticed the differences between now and then lately. It really floors me that people have the balls to call someone normal, like you had the plague or some sort of horrid disease that you have ridded your body of. We spent alot of time last night discussing these particulars in therapy. I'm still churning it over and over in my head but am not coming to any conclusions on how I feel about the whole situation yet.

Now the better news, dh did join me for 1/2 of therapy and actually had his own 1 hour with the other therapist there last night. How cool is that! I was shocked and excited. I was even more shocked that "he" called and made the appt and didn't even tell me, it was my surprise. Seems like he was in a semi-good mood last night, so maybe some headway was made. We did really well and spoke (not yelled) about things that were brought up. I'm so proud that it gives me some hope that progress can be made and things worked out.

No official exercise last night, didn't get to the Y again (it is top priority on my list) when I have some time to devote to it. I did do my weight workout yesterday morning so.....

As for the other doc, well she said it happens, you've had tremendous weight loss, hormones are fluctuating all over your body trying to control what's going on. So I am taking prometrium (BIG YUCK ON THIS ONE) to try and bring it on. I'm bloated to a three month pregnancy state right now, it's horrible. I am also getting an ultrasound to rule out fibroids again!! Oh the fun we women go through to be fertile....although I am well past that stage in my life it's how it goes. We did do the blood pg test, called this a.m. for the negative (which I knew would happen) so we takes pills and wait...then see the technician and get this bloody thing poked up in there and pray she finds nothing!! I have been through this before and it's not fun or exciting...it's actually embarrasing, painful and horrible....

The one kid is officially done school, yeah for him. Bowling starts in two weeks and the other activities shortly thereafter. The other kid has finals today and tomorrow with 1/2 days and he's done. His priority is to get a job this summer! The dog is healed from his detroning of his manhood a few weeks back, he's happy and was rewarded with a trip in the car to the pet store last night for a treat. Life seems to be getting back to some semblence of normal...if that's what normal is!!

New haircuts and my life

I finally got a new haircut last night. Tired of the same old boring haircut that I've been sporting for sometime. I actually went shorter, other than feeling totally weird to me when I brush out my hair I really am digging the new do....see for yourself



So with the new do, comes a small weight gain. I don't know where this is coming from, but first thoughts....omg it's done, I've used up all the WLS has given me. I'm seeing the former fatty in the mirror although I really know this isn't true! It's amazing still to me the tricks our mind plays on us. So I've been stagnant on weight loss for a bit now, I also haven't had a period over a month. Of course this is par for the course, six months on six off....if I only had a job so predictable as my TTOM. So I called the doc this am. to get re-prescribed the meds to make it come along (I've been bloated and crampy and pms'ing for a while now) no wonder all the bitchy posts and arguments ensuing in my abode. Anywho....they will call in the RX and I will await the flash flood that always ensues. I thought for sure when I had the wls and the periods were coming regularly that we fixed that particular issue, but alas no...it's sad, really sad for a very pre-menopausal woman to have to go through this misery.

I got a great walk in last night also, clocked 8 miles...quite an achievement for me so far. I still need to go check out the Y and see about joining, of course I seem to never have the time for this. I want to get on the bandwagon per se for personalized training as I think I'm probably exhausting what I do and it's becoming so redundant. I walk, elliptical, weights and toning exercises. I need more! my body is actually craving the challenge that comes from a rigorous workout.

The boys end school this week, so onto the fun of summer and being teenagers for the both of them. They actually have gotten themselves into plenty of activity so it should be a good one for both.....

ttfn

New week, new start

Ok let's start this week over, right now none of that last week snarkiness, morbidly oppression that hung over my life like a damp rag.

Friday night was great fun, lots of dancing and meeting new people through friends I already have. Most of them could not believe I've had WLS, it's true seriously...pictures of old me flash out, they gasp, then nod their heads yes. It still makes me feel really good to hear that, especially since I'm holding my own for the last three weeks with the scale. I figured this would come as I only have 20-25 more lbs to lose.

Sat was tiring, but so full of great energy. The walk/5K was a huge success, over a 1000 people came out to support a family who's little boy has MD (we are close friends) the mom (J) gave a great speech and you could feel the love and thankfulness for all the generosity that was paid to her family through people (most of whom she did not know), it was a nice walk along the Brandywine River passing out little old zoo and by the rapids and I couldn't think of a better place to be supporting and sucking in a little of the amazing energy to bottle up for myself.

Sunday ended up being a rainy type of day, one which was sorely needed here. I took it as a cue to get some crafting done that i've been saving for such a day. I've decided that I'm going to participate in a few craft sales this fall and I needed to up my inventory levels for such a feat, hence work was created on Sunday. It felt good to not have to worry about anything or have any pressure!! I got alot of great things done and stored for the fall.

Everyone in the family was in harmony this weekend, which made for a pleasant time. I'm glad I participated in it!

TGIF

I have never been so happy for Friday in a long time. Usually work is just puttering along and I really do like what I do (I'm a wine and spirit buyer for a wholesaler here) but lately it seems with the blue moon that everyone is just a little bonkers in their requests....

Tonight is girls night out, I am really looking forward to hanging with my girls and enjoying some down time from life and everything in general right now. Tomorrow we walk the 5k for our friends son Mike....poor little guy is suffering horribly from MD and hoping to raise some $$ for a van for them. Sunday is up in the air right now...

DH was so petulant last night, for lack of a better word. He wants forgiveness yet cannot forgive. It's a dangerous double edge sword is dealing out right now and after the big email blowout with my probably former gf (BFF at that) I just didn't want to handle anything else so petty yesterday.

I've spoken of BFF MB before here in this very blog, I'm not going into gory details, but she was suppose to join us tonight, but she has claimed I'm so different she couldn't possibly hang out with me anymore. OK, so maybe I've changed a bit, but damn I haven't seen you since the time at the library about 2 months ago when you said "YOU AGAIN, I can't get away from you" we talked for like 2 minutes and each went out separate ways, before that was the weekend I "let" her stay with us when she was having bf problems...so if you can state I'm different than fine...

Ok, positive thoughts out there people, please send them all my way as I do not like to be down, nor do I want to be!!

Have a great weekend allll

tootles

Come to Jesus mama

Well we had it out and out last night. I'm drained, emotionally and physically today. It was a big struggle to get my weight workout in this a.m. but I preserved and got it done. I'm beyond what type of help in my mind would make this marriage work. Am I throwing in the towel too soon, who the hell knows at this point. But I do know I'm sick and tired, of walking on eggshells around him, because he doesn't feel like talking about it, I'm not in the mood right now, I need a drink, something else to perk me up...I'M FED UP!!!

I told him, I'm tired of this fighting, it's getting us nowhere but in full circle around his and my problems. We never discuss them, we never make amendments, answers all we do is circle each other like boxers in a ring. Last night I tried to use some of the empowerment I get from therapy. I'm an enabler, it stung like a bee. Hurt my pride my most innermost feelings to hear these things, but it's true, the whole bloody mess is me enabling him to act the way he does. I'm trying my hardest to change this and it's causing great strife in the household, but I will prevail. I'm the type who once I'm flawed I do my damned to fix it, change it, grow and become a better person because of it. Where does that leave us? Who knows still but it's progress with a big P!

Work is crazy busy, problems are arising left and right. Of course no fire is too easy or quick to put out. My asst has been driving me crazy. If you don't spell out with fine print everything he needs to do, you might as well do it yourself KWIM!! I'm stressed at home and work and it's taking it's toll on ME!! I want so much to be healthy and I am needing to find ME time to make this happen. I want to be proactive not destructive with this tool that I have received to lose weight. I want to be healthy, happy and deserving of all these things.

On a lighter note, the boys are wrapping up another year at school. My baby will be a senior next year and it brings a tear to my eye remembering when I had him. It all happens so fast and it's so surreal to think about it, it's been up and down, bumpy and smooth along the road but he turned out great, and I do it all for them!!

So now I'm going to write in my journal, my plan. I'm a planner, very strictive to the point of insanity sometimes. I will write out my plan, how I will achieve it and move from there. Who or what stays and goes at this point is up in the air, but I feel change is about to happen. It's not always good, but sometimes necessary for your life to run it's intended course.

6 month post pictures

I have been very lax the last few months to take pictures on my surgiversary...shame on me as I wanted to lay down in film the actual progress, but anywho here they are. I've enclosed my pre-surgery pic also, since alot of the new readers never "saw" me before.





Obviously you can tell which is which...or at least I hope you can. So 80lbs and alot of personal growth later I am starting to feel like I am getting my life back on track. Now I'm sure there is plenty of room for more growth both emotionally and physically, but that is my journey and why I am here. My labs came back great, a little high on the B12 but other than that everything else was perfect....I go back in three months, then after that three months and I'll be a year out. I'm still amazed how quickly this six months has gone by. It seems like yesterday I was crawling into bed after being released from the hospital and sleeping the afternoon away!!

Tonight is session 2 with the therapist, no dh support in that arena at all, in fact he won't even talk about it. There is so much to discuss we ran out of time last week. I was hoping after this great weekend things would change, but I think maybe not. Who knows. I'm going end of story. It may or may not become his loss at some point and that's what I told him this a.m. walking out the door.

I'm glad it's Wednesday also, this week cannot end soon enough for me at this point. I have alot of yard work to get done this weekend and am planning on it!! We are also doing a 5k this Sat morning to benefit one of my friends sons, who suffers from MD and is now at 11years old wheelchair bound. It's a debilitating disease that I rarely hear of. The benefit is help curb the cost of a new van for them to have converted to accomodate his wheelchair. Right now my friend actually lifts him in and out of her Expedition to and from school, doc's and whereever she needs to go. It's quite a strain on her physically and emotionally. I hope they are able to make enough to at least get the van....

Friday night is ladies night out, I love ladies night out!! We are going to celebrate a birthday with one of best girls, Cher!! Happy Birthday to you chickie!! It should be a fun night. Of course dh is pissed because it doesn't include him. Um, hello, when you are out with your drinking buddies I don't piss and moan and try to crash the party. It's not like we won't see each other at all either!! What a guy, seems anymore he's never happy.

Ok enough scoffing from me...

enjoy

We survived....

this glorious Memorial Day weekend. Mix in the dh who is being stubborn, the mother I do not always get along with, one dog, two boys and a smalled, cramped quarters and it spells recipe for disaster. No one got hurt, yelled out and it actually turned out to be a really great weekend. The weather was perfect for sun and fun. The nights were mild and sweet. There were no big blowouts and everyone got along great! It's almost something that will go down in the record books as far as my family goes.

I did not get burned, just a little color to make me look nice. No misery this morning trying to put on clothes that wouldn't fit...because they all still do. Packed lots of protein and water so eating was 100% in my control. Did have a few drinks in there, but all in all it was a-ok.

Now back to work, with millions of others who begrudingly got out of bed this a.m. wishing it were only Sat and still two days left before work.

Tonight we are going down to the YMCA and looking into enrolling. It will be nice for DH, me and Nick who will be able to use their facilities for weight training and David for the extra activities as well as the outdoor pool!! Yes, I said it, outdoor pool, bathing suits, and well no movie stars. I bought a new one this weekend, cut little number I picked up at Kohls right before we left.

So off for the day, another adventure here at work I'm sure.

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend.

My official 6 month checkin

Went to see Dr I this a.m. and am doing fabulously, I'm down 79.4 lbs....why oh why couldn't it be 80 (we are never satisfied are we???LOL). The labs came back fabulous and I'm off prevacid, one bp pill and kicking back my b12 to every other day as it's coming in high. Other than that he says I'm fabulous, doing so well!! (Can you feel the grin coming out of the screen) I'm a happy girl here!! He did state at one point what a flat stomach, I cringed, then laughed and he asked what was funny? I stated that my rolls of flesh and fat that are lying in wait for PS's someday are anything but flat. I also stated it reminded me of cottage cheese than the hard, tight abs I hope to some day get closer to. He chuckled at me and said that my muscles underneath are tightening wonderfully and the plastics will do wonders when the time comes for them. So I will continue along with my journey....

As he was getting ready to leave, he left with something to ponder.....He stated that I should be starting to think about my future with relation to eating and exercise. He told me that this is the critical turning point in my surgery for success or not. So I have to make a plan and stick with it...sounds easy right? NOT!! I will give it alot of thought. The two others here venturing into personal trainers is a great idea, but not sure if I can afford it. I know I will resolutely always find something athletic to entertain myself, while keeping in shape. It's just how it has to be!!

Changing lanes, tomorrow I've taken a 1/2 day. I know, I know should have taken the whole damn day off, but I still have to get up with the kiddies, so might as well make an appearance here and saunter off towards the beach. As for the swimming suit, did not get a chance to find one. I did get down to my favorite Dress Barn the other night, only to find clearance and the store is closing in two weeks. I was talking with the salesgirl (who had lap around the same time I did) one thing led to another and I walked out with six shirts for $25 and no bathing suit as there was no time left to hit the other store.

So I'm off, to do god knows what and I'll see you all before I check out tomorrow

me

Anything can be overcome......

I borrowed this from a great friend who, herself is going through a terrible time. I loved that it is the essense of each of us in this little blurb. I do not know the originator, but kudos to you!!

me

Anything Can Be Overcome

The journey that each human being makes through earthly existence can have hardship as often as it is touched by joy. When we encounter adversity, the stress we feel can erode our optimism, eventually convincing us that the issues we face cannot be overcome. In truth, there is no situation so dire, no challenge so great, and no choice so bewildering that it cannot be overcome. Though we may believe that all avenues have been closed to us or that our most conscientious efforts will come to naught, we are never without feasible options. The best course of action may be veiled in doubt, but it is there. When we are honest with ourselves with regard to this simple fact, we can overcome anything because we will never stop looking for a solution to the challenges before us. Self-trust coupled with a sturdy plan is the ultimate antidote to adversity's tendency to inspire disillusionment in the human mind. As difficult as the obstacle plaguing you seems, it is no match for the love of a supportive universe that has been a part of your life since the day of your birth and will be with you forevermore. Try not to be misguided by your fear as this gives rise to the notion that there are problems without solutions. If you believe in your capabilities and dedicate yourself to the creation of some form of resolution, you will be surprised to discover that paths that were once closed to you miraculously open. Even if all you can do is change your perspective to turn an impediment into an opportunity to grow, you will have found the hope that is an inherent element of all hardship. Remember that your destiny is a product of your own creation. Even when it seems you have nowhere left to turn, there is a solution waiting for you. The only insurmountable obstacles are the ones you create in your own mind—and these can only exert power over you if you let them. Uncertainty will always be a part of your existence, but perseverance and mindfulness will never fail to see you through to the other side of hardship where joy can thrive. Try and remember that no matter what life places at your feet, there is absolutely no situation that cannot be resolved with time, love, and friendship.

Tonight

Is my first night of therapy again, I am going solo. It's a scary time as it reminds me that things are changing in my less than normal ho hum life. I wanted dh to join me but it's not right for him. Will it ever be? Who knows, by then will I have moved forward and maybe onward in my journey and left him 50miles behind, who knows. What I do know is it is a challenge and a privledge to be married. It's not all roses and fun, that's for sure.

On a lighter note, I've decided to take a 1/2 day of vacation on Friday and treat the boys (and dh if he wants to go) to the beach for the weekend. The weather should be perfect and gives me the best excuse to buy a bathing suit!! OH MY!! I feel like a child at christmas with the prospect of trying on a suit and hopefully liking what I see, it's my first suit in at least a dozen years, maybe more?? I can't believe I actually don't mind going out in public with my ultra white skin and a piece of clothing that leaves little to be desired. Of course anyone post WLS, pre-plastics knows what I mean. I have the swaying bat wings, the skin on the thighs that reminds me of jello jigglers, but to put on the suit and not have just fat hanging everywhere is a godsend to someone like me. Of course now that I've written all of this the whole process of buying the suit could be treasure hunt of grand proportions.

So wish me luck with purchase and course I'm looking forward to seeing the shrink.

Who needs another day off

We spent half of the weekend in a chilly, cloud covered fog...it wasn't pretty neither outside nor in. We spent yesterday in glorious sunshine for about 3 hours and poof it was gone. I think it's a horrible joke to wake up this morning to beautiful sunshine that will remain out there for hours, probably the whole day while I'm in here at work! hmmm I would love another day off sans the busy week in store anyhow.

I celebrated my six month surgiversary yesterday, bloated and did not want to get on the scale, so I waited until this a.m. 170 on the dot, no .-- lbs of nothing. So for the record books, well my record books, I'm 78.5 lb down since surgery. NO easy feat when I sat and thought back to that gray chilly day last November going in thinking and wondering where I would be in six months from now. Of course I also pondered this question again, where will I be in six months? How will I look, feel and what will be going on in my life? I have added many new dynamics to this question, where will I be? Who will I be? This is going way beyond the how do I look and feel question that is posed to me everytime I see someone I haven't seen in a bit? Some think I have cancer, since I'm dropping weight so rapidly!!! They are very shy and timid around me to think that things are going so badly in my life right then when they actually are not! I did my little happy dance yesterday, put on my size 10 pants and went to visit my mother. Not my favorite thing but one that needed to be done. She said nothing, nothing at all. How blindsided was I at this, I haven't seen her since mid February and clearly changes have happened to this body, I'm no longer a 12/14 that I was wearing back then, I'm a 10 almost a 8! Her bf was more accomodating stating that I'm really losing that weight! I am very in the moment of what size I am. It's a compliment to myself everytime I put on a piece of clothing and the size is just there, I can't comprehend what it says but the number is staring at me telling me it fits and looks nice. Of course I realize at some point I do not put so much weight (no pun intended) into the number and again I will shift, change into the new person I am becoming. I made her a card and coasters for mother's day, not the best present but one I made, I'm still in a way making it up to her for whatever in god's name I did to her all those years ago. I will never be her favorite child, I'm her first born and lowest on her list to call if something goes wrong. I live the closest and yet am the furthest person from her mind. We speak maybe every few months, unlike my sister in SC who speaks with her every other day. Yes I have a very dysfunctional family.

So I rejoiced in my loss, pondered my future and embraced my day and enjoyed it as much as could be possible. I'm living, healthy, moderately overweight and somewhat happy in life.

Times are changing

Today I was up and out the door to get my blood drawn for my six month checkup next week. Hopefully everything comes back in good shape. Also, took ds2 to see Spiderman 3. I figured the hype was past and everyone wants to see Shrek so we were in the clear. I liked the movie, more than I thought I would. DH and I are here, not doing things together but surviving around one another right now. It's amazing to me how selfish both of us are being at this time, but it's making the weekend more tolerable right now. We are both stubborn beyond belief. Unfortunately this is not our first test in our marriage, but at this point it may be the last. We are moving in different directions with different goals in our lives...as he so kindly put it this morning to me. He loves me but doesn't know me anymore. Have I changed that much? Outwardly I would say yes, inwardly I would say no, but maybe I am changing. I called my psyche doctor up and he's seeing me next week, we will chat and see what's going on. Couples therapy isn't going to happen, since he won't go :( I'm very saddened by this but it is what it is.

It's cold and rainy now, so I'm off to rest and relax and then start over with something new tomorrow. Hopefully some good walking weather, I need a good long walk...

Relationships and WLS

This is something that I have been struggling with for the past few months and it seems that it's hitting closer to home than ever, especially in the last month of so. I was in complete denial about the whole situation, figuring it would blow over, just end whatever but alas no...it's not. It's a terrible place to be, especially when food is no longer your comfort in life. DH and I have had a fairly good relationship, little background married 7 1/2 years together for 15 almost 16 now. Throughout the whole relationship up until now I've been morbidly obese. Is the WLS the reason for the strain in the relationship? Probably. I have told him a million times when he comments you will get thin and find someone new, that I have never said that, it's all in his mind. But c'mon how many times can a girl hear this? It gets old, he's refusing to think that we can mold this newness into our already accustomed lifestyle. I suggest therapy, that's for wimps. Well I think this wimp is going to be signing up soon for it! Seriously folks, why do so many relationships suffer? I never in a million years thought it would be mine! The plain old comment that flew out of his mouth last night just perplexed me enough to want to throw in the towel and move on. I'm tired, of the jealously of losing weight, the attention other people are starting to give me...the insecurity of the dh, his demons that he's fighting with it along the way. I'm just an unhappy camper about the whole situation. It is what it is....KWIM??? When I was pre-op I told him a million times about this whole issue, reassuring him that I was not going to change my mind about him....but I almost think he is changing his mind about me. He liked the plump, pudgy, double, sometimes triple chin chick I was...he doesn't like this new bonier, healthier person I've become. He says I'm always bitter and edgy with him, I don't see it?? Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....

I'm rambling but I'm sad, and I have nothing to eat...oh that's right I can't eat!!! I will get sick. It's going to be a long weekend, I'm tired and stressed already and we've only just begun!

My aching jaw

I went to the dentist with the boys yesterday for our semi annual checkup and to see about this cap and all the pain I've been having with food getting stuck in there. Well let me tell you, it's amazing what the skin (even in your mouth) can do to you. I had formed a pocket of skin around the gum and tooth which was enabling food to get "stuck" in there. So they promptly brought in this machine and put goggles on me and lasered the extra skin off. No novacaine only a touch of numbing gel. Well let me tell you I was fine in the office and about an hour after I got home I was in pain...owie!! Hence liquid diet for the rest of the night..lol It was a pleasant surprise to see 170 on the scale this a.m. (I need to throw the damn thing out) but anyhow Sunday is my 6 month mark (which in itself is hard to believe) and I'm down 76.5 lb. Of course I was hoping for 80 but it doesn't appear to be a reality, but still what an accomplishment. I was remembering last night right after surgery I was thinking I wonder what I will look like in six months, I wonder how I will feel. Well that reality is here and I'm feeling great and looking pretty damn good too if I say so myself. I took the morning off from working out today, but hopefully will get in a good long walk tonight.

I hope everyone has a great weekend

We've been tagged......

1. What is the stupidest mistake you have ever made with money? Buying into my sister's business which she threw down the toilet in less than 2 years.

2. Do you think taxes are unfair or do you think it’s your civic duty?
I hate taxes, understand the premise for them, but absolutely abhor looking at the paycheck and seeing how much uncle sam takes....then knowing that after March something or another you are finally making some $$

3. Do you take risks and possibly turn your life upside down for new opportunity?

Yes we have, and are comtemplating a big move to SC with the other family who have already taken the plunge....a new start fresh and sweet!

4. Are you the alpha in your household? (Include pets)What Do You Think?

I have to agree with MM on this one, I let him think he is but the reality is NOPE, it's me!! I'm the queen

5. Do you compromise with your significant other or does someone always get their way?

For the most part we comprimise or see eye to eye...thank goodness huh

6. What curse word do you use most often?

Shit, damn, you name it and it spews out of my mouth during the day!

7. Do you easily change your mind or are you dead set on most issues?

It depends on what it is and how I feel about it at that time. But watch out if my mind is made up!! I'm not a Taurus for nothing

8. What famous person would you like to trade places with for one week?

I can't think of one!

9. If you could go back in time and tell one person off, who would it be and what would you say?

I'd have to say the VP at a company I worked with for 10 years to get my butt up the ladder only to have someone else hired in to manage when our boss got sick, the kicker, she wanted me to train her!!!! WTF

10. Were you a good student or did you do just enough to get by?

I was a good student, it helped that it came naturally to me because I tended to be lazy at times too

11. If you could give one piece of advice to someone just starting out on their own, what would you tell them?

Save, save, save....don't splurge establish some roots

12. Are people basically good and honest or are most people opportunistic and predatory?

I was of the nature of people being good and honest, but the longer I live the less I actually think this is true. It's a sad state of affairs our world these days.

13. Is there somebody you wish you could go back and apologize to?

Nope, not at all, if I had an apology it would have happened right away...no looking back and no regrets for things having been done

Back on track

I did tons of water yesterday and all good proteins and veggies. It was a good day, good enough that I feel like a million bucks!! Wishing I had the million but feeling it is just as satisfying these days! I have had migraine like headaches though for the past three days, it is becoming unnerving and I have a call into the dr to see what they think, or maybe I'll just be heading in. Tonight I need to grocery shop, it is of the utmost importance that this happen as we are out of everything. I brought the last cheese stick and piece of chicken in for lunch today. I have to get out and buy some more vitamins too. Just jotting down all these things to do. Unfortunately I'm a list maker so the list is now growing. I also got in a good strength training workout last night and a good cardio this a.m. I feel like life is back on track from the blur that was this past weekend.

So basically I'm finding that back to basics after a few days of random eating are exactly what the doctor ordered. But better yet if you can avoid these random days and plan ahead yeah for you!

Mindless eating

Ok I did alot of it this weekend, I think it was because I was so busy and not structured as I have been in the last six months, I will say though I still felt ok until the few extra chips last night and I took a drink too soon, the pain was unbearable....noted to self, "Self, do not eat mindlessly at night and then drink" what a pia I was to myself.

Overall the weekend was a blur, so much going on and no sleep. The mix was horrible but the experience was wonderful!!

Not much else to write, I'm still trying to wake up here, what a great day for a Starbucks cappacino....not happening though!

Yeah it's Thursday! I should leave it at that. My asst conveniently did not show up for work today after being off for the past three, something about jetlag and airport delays that I did not want to listen to the whining so I abruptly deleted the message and moved about my day. In the past two weeks I've been riding solo for 7 1/2 days out of 10!! Not a bad statistic for the wealthy, but us working folk need to work to get paid. I can imagine the horror when he opens his next bi-monthly check and faints for all the time missed. Nope, he has no vacation nor personal days as he's not even three months here yet!! Pre-11/20 I would have binged and scoffed up anything that came with the stress of working solo during the busiest time of my month, but this time I lost!! yes, I peeked again, 169 here I come!! I'm going to get you....

So tomorrow is the birthday, 43, not a remarkable number either but one worth celebrating with good friends and our band friends TT. I can't wait, and would love to bounce out of here early tomorrow and get a new shirt to wear. My sorry little closet has been wiped clean of all x size clothing and now there are 8 little shirts hanging in it's vast expanse that calls me to shop at all times although I've been resisting. It's amazing the mounds of clothing that has gone to goodwill, people I know and in the trash. No wonder my checkbook was always broke!

I go for my six month checkup in two weeks, I have to note to get to the lab and get that blood drawn beforehand. I expect them to all come back normal, so it would be a suprise if not.

Today I am nursing a sore gum under a cap that is lifting. At least I think it's lifting, all I know is the back of the tooth is not seated firmly against my gum, hence particles get stuck and well it's sore dammit!! I have to wait a week to see the dentist, unless I swell up was the words out of the ladies mouth. I asked swell up? Like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka or I got socked in the mouth?? Exactly what does that entail...of course I'm being cheap and don't want to pay the premium of a emergency call. So I'm on a lot of liquids today and that should help my cause to hit those 160's......

ciao
Me

Almost six months out

and noticing that my digestive system is changing, transforming, evolving (for lack of better words) once again. In the first five months I never had any problems with any of the foods as long as they were on the ok list. I have eaten small amounts, 2-3 oz per meal, as I cannot tolerate much more than that so far. Of course I have days when I feel like I have a wooden leg and can consume more throughout the day, but never in one sitting. I have always attributed this to changing exercise patterns, more exercise, TTOM, etc. So now as I am evolving once again, I notice that dairy (yogurt, cottage cheese, string cheese, ok you get it) is making me one stinky girl. I have progressed from little gas to a big gas hound!! Compound that with dairythat I love to eat and it leads to one person I would not desire to be around for the rest of the day, sorry to my co-workers. Where do I go from here? Well that is the burning question of mine that I will take up with the NUT and will go from there. It's strange how I've noticed as I've aged that every 5-7 years my body would morph itself. I know how can a basically fat person notice when the fat shifts...easy! I would notice the midriff section thickening, the legs getting heavier at the top the arms growing batwings like I was about to take off and fly! The face, the double chin then the triple chin. But now I am left with all this excess skin from the weight I've lost so far, unfortunately the batwings are still there (as expected) the midriff is still thicker than I would hoped it would have turned out. And the thighs well let's say jello jigglers have nothing on me. Where did this all come from? I have no idea as when I was a basic fat person I didn't care, point blank what was fat where it jiggled, etc. But I think with my evolving body my mind is also evolving into the mindset that I was to look pleasant to others along with myself! This is a brand new evolution to me, because I can remember at the beginning of this journey I was like as long as I'm fit and thinner I didn't care what the body looked like. So even though I strongly thought I would never seek out plastics, they could be a very real possibility for my future! GASP!!

It's really crazy this whole body dismorphia vs mind dismorphia thing going on with me right now. I'm almost as obsessed with it as I was with the scale until I broke the darn thing and threw it away without a replacement. Talk about a way to get rid of the scale for those of us who were obsessed with it. I felt almost like I needed to start a support group like AA for obsessive scale users. Hello, my name is Michelle and I'm obsessed with stepping on the scale and weighing myself. Quite a silly notion but those who've had WLS understand this point completely.

I spoke of my gf who is into totally bashing me and basically not wanting to hang out with me anymore, yes it hurts, what human wouldn't have those feelings from a friend who in 20+ years of friendship feels like it's all going down the potty because one of us decided to have WLS...but it happens. End of story, right now the ball in her court. I've made her a friendship card this weekend and sent it, if she sees fit she will respond, if not, well then life goes on. RIGHT!! A little background on her, she is heavy, not nearly as fat as I once was and yes, maybe yes she's feeling like I'm not the heavy one in our friendship anymore, but I thought with all the talk and stuff she was ok with it!! Obviously NOT but such is life. We move into one era and out of another at all given points in time.

My IPOD is broken, I'm torn in a friendship and my 43rd birthday is this week! I think I'm having a bit of middle age syndrome bordering mid-life crisis and feeling sorry for myself. I'll snap out of it and we'll all be grooving again shortly!

Fridays and craziness

Ok so today is the end of a crazy week at work, I'm tired and thrilled to death that we are here finally! All the bosses have been out of town all week, I'm busier than normal this week ordering and everyone and their problems crawled out of the wordwork! Needless to say it came to a boiling head this morning with my supposed bff. So I told her I was staying in this weekend but today got an email from a friend that Omnisoul is playing at a local club, what a great band to go see....well I ask her if she wants to go and she says she's broke, too tired, yada yada yada...crap! The other group is going to MD to see another band and I know I can't sway them...double crap!! So then she writes back to me, your other friends can go with you! I ask her WTF does this mean!! I know they say people change but since my surgery I haven't spent any time with her. I keep asking and asking and she keeps pushing me away. I've asked her to go shopping, cup of coffee, hang out at the house...nothing works!! I'm starting to feel that this surgery has impaired our freindship for life, why?? I have no flippin idea but it aggravates the heck out of me to think just because I've lost some weight she doesn't want to hang with me anymore??!!! I've heard it happens but never ever in a million years thought it would happen to me! So I'm disgusted and quite frankly I'm going tonight, with even another friend and I'll chalk it up to her loss and my gain.

Have a wonderful weekend

me

Out of sorts

This whole week I've been feeling very out of sorts. It's really hard to describe other than I am full of energy when I wake up, do my workout, go to work, and by mid afternoon I'm dragging, then after dinner and my walk I'm ready for bed. Now this is like at 9pm. I never used to go to bed prior to 11-11:30. I hate it, I wake up in the middle of the night because I'm rested and I get up or sometime resist to see if it helps. I'm a train wreck for no better way to put it. I haven't really changed my workouts, exercise patterns or activities during the day, so I'm puzzled. Other than that things are great. I have no plans for this weekend, which I believe is a blessing in disguise. I've been so busy the past few and the next few that this down time will be nice! I might get some stamping done for Mother's Day cards I want to make!

I'm making some strides in my weight loss that has/had plateau'd. Ok, yes I cheated and peeked at the scale early! Back to the basics, it is really helping. The hair loss that I had been experiencing seems to be slowing down some, and the new growth is really coming in strong, but curly! From having straight, baby fine hair for years this is really a new thing to me. It doesn't want to lay right, etc. A struggle to style in the work a.m. for sure!!

DS1 had his senior portraits done yesterday, it was a very grown up day for him I believe. The best part that came out of conversation about it last night, was he said Mom when I play the senior game in football this fall and you walk out there with me, the people won't believe your my mom because you've lost weight and look great! Tears were in my eyes and I felt like a million bucks. You don't hear compliments from teenage boys like that much at all. Little did he know that when I saw those mothers out there last year, all I could think of is when I have this surgery I won't embarrass my son when I walk out there next year!!

The weekend is coming, spring is here and I'm so glad.

me

Mondays

Find myself so tired from the weekends and the glorious weather and trying to cram as much possible into my life before I'm stuck inside at work all week. Today is no exception. I can not get over the amount of exercise I got in yesterday. First I did my stretching and weights at home, then we walked 2 miles, then off to the grocery store for fixins for chicken and steak fajitas then after an early dinner I was off again for another walk around the neighborhood. When I got back ds1 was out playing basketball and asked if I'd join him for a bit, well I didn't even hesitate, I jumped right in, of course I only last about 25-30 minutes but I was sweaty and definitely got my workout in on that one. Of course other things transpired throughout the day, but it was go, go, go all day long!! Saturday I took advantage of the nice but cooler weather and did a 5 miles hike around one of our downtown parks, it was a beautiful day with the fountains running and all the flowering trees at their finest so I also got some photo time in!! I have missed that. The most amazing thing to me is I wasn't even wiped out from all the activity and the best thing is I'm only 2 lb from hitting the 160's...wahoo.

Have a great Monday everyone, I'm feeling very powerful today!

me

It's Friday!

I'm so excited. Tonight we have stamp a stack class then D and I are going out. Yeah, it's been a long week and I'm psyched. I have my new size 9 pants to wear!! woot I have a nice light green sweater I was going to wear also, but it's chilly out there, not the 75 degrees that were promised, but we'll see. At least the rain has moved on, that was no fun this morning coming in.

Yesterday I had a 1/2 of Wendy's chili for lunch, now this is not the first time I've had chili but man did it talk back to me last night. Of course I put the other 1/2 in the fridge here at work for today and woops I forgot, so after my workout I had no time to get something else, so I had it again and it's talking back already....I guess my new system is refining itself again and is on bean overload right now. Anyhow, I've been really trying to watch what I eat, I have felt like I was on a stall, but realistically based on the amount of weight I have left to lose I'm still losing at 20% per month, so that made me very :)

This weekend is supposed to be nice, so we'll get some more gardening in and general clean up of my messy yard. I think my neighbors are very happy with me that I actually have the energy to spruce it up and make it look nice....

Question for you ladies out there....since WLS I've had regular periods until this past month, then I had two, now let me tell you the PMS is ferocious, worst than I've ever had before. Could this be the hormones running rampant in my body?? Or should I be worried about this?

have a great weekend
me

Support meeting this week

Well the long awaited meeting with the psychiatrist was this past Tuesday. What a great meeting it was. She had a three part presentation based on before and after patients based on the following issues. a) Depression/hibernation b) anxiety c)body dismophia. Now this third item, body dismorphia is what really interested me. I have been suffering that for a while now. I know in my brain that I'm down to 10's or 12's depending on cut, but when i shop I still reach for 18's and 20's or when I look in the mirror the girl looking back at me is basically still chubby, not as fat as she once was but chubby. My biggest question is does this ever end? Well thank god the answer is yes. I am still having lots of struggles with coming to terms of all the loose skin and rolls that slowly melting but I need to love myself. I work on this everyday and hopefully soon it will all come together. I know I am only 5 months out and have a long way to go but these are things I worry or think about. I also dream some nights that when I wake up that the surgery will have reversed itself and I'll be right back where I started. I know this sounds completely lunatic but it's my reality.

Now I know overall my family supports me 100% on my decision to have this surgery, my father and I have spoken in detail regarding how much better off I will be now that the weight is gone before I hit my 50s or even 60s, he struggles everyday with it and I don't want to be like that. He's been overweight most of his adult life, it's a hard struggle as we all know, but he works as diligently as he can at 65 on improving himself. He's had heart attacks, strokes, and a hip replacement, no slacker in working out anymore but he just stalls. My dh on the other hand now thinks I'm too thin, he didn't marry a thin girl, I was about 25 lb heavier when we married than I am now and he doesn't like it. I told him 20-30 more and that should do it, but we'll see. He's not happy, I'm not currently happy with him. Actually I've been evaluating when I've been happy with him. Not a good scenerio for right now, maybe another post. I am out enjoying my life, dancing, getting out, hanging with gfs, crafting all the things that I wouldn't/couldn't do before and I'm personally miserable. Go figure.

Well I've bored us all to tears today, my mood is dark as the weather is too. Tomorrow night is crafting, which will instantly perk me up!!

ttfn
me

Mondays, glorious spring

So Friday night was a total blast. We stayed out till 4am and had the best times of our lives. We started at Polidoro at 10pm for Salsa lessons. They were fun and easy to get the moves down the first or second time. Now I'm definitely no expert but I felt a little more informed after I left. We then left there and headed over to Tailgates, another favorite local bar. Saw some friends of ours from another band and met some guys from yet another band who had to cancel their engagement in VA due to their lead singer being in jail :( Sorry to see they were there that night but it was great for networking. At last call Mary Sue wisked us all in her Volvo station wagon down to Slackers in MD for their last call...saw alot of people from Tailgates there along with some new ones...then she was hungry so off for pancakes at 2:30am in the morning..lol

Saturday I was up at 9:30 and out the door by noon, the weather was perfect! Read a book with a picnic lunch in the park, went home and relaxed some more, early to bed though!!

Sunday up early, outside working on the yard getting things cleaned up!! Lots of sun and today I'm burnt, feels good all that Vit D!!

Back at work still in the 80's but it will come to an end this week. This Friday is stamping class then off to the bar again, more networking to be done!!

me

Thank god it's almost Friday

That's all I have to say about this week. I fell asleep on the couch at 8pm last night, that's how rough it's been. Enough said

Tomorrow I leave at 2:30 to take ds1 to the doctor then off to drop him at his dad's...then home to hopefully find something to wear for Salsa dancing tomorrow night. Gee I feel like I'm in my 20's going out on the town for the night. I'm so undecided what to wear.

It's rainy and gloomy again today, at least the temps are moderating a little today, so the plus side is tomorrow is Friday, 65 degrees and SUNNY!!! GOD I can't wait for it.

So I also got home last night and got presents in the mail, new stamps for me. I'm so glad the order is finally in. Now to mount and figure out something to stamp!! I will post pics soon

me

Have you ever.........

had a co-worker that just drove you crazy beyond belief. Yep, that's me living in that hell right now. I have this new assistant who is supposed to assist me, well he's ok for entering things in the computer and it seems to end there. What can I say, I remind him over and over again of things that need to be done and then I hear from the suppliers or whatnot that it's not done. When I was out of the office for a few days a couple of weeks back I wondered if he kept up on the daily reports or anything, well it appears not. I know he does enough good work but his quality of work is just not there. I really don't know what to do about it, I repeat the things over and over but there has to come a time that you need to "just get it" or get the f out of here. He seems more interested in smoozing with others and advancing himself here instead of doing the job he was hired for. What can I say this is a bit of a bitch session for me. What else isn't new..lol

At home, ds2 did miserably on his last report card, and he wonders why he's grounded. Um, hello you were out sick, you had a folder of makeup work to do and you didn't do it. I know I had asked him quite a few times about it but there was always it's been taken care of response. Now how is this my fault!! GAH

I felt good today giving away the 14's to a coworker, she's happy too, now she has a bag and 1/2 to go through and hopefully she will like something in there. I can't believe I'm in 10's and 12's. Never in a million years would I have thought this would be possible in only 5 months. I hope that I remember to take the monthly picture this month. I have forgotten this past one, I can't believe it, but also I was at a huge stall, so maybe that's where my head was.

I still have more summer clothes to sort through and give away, maybe this weekend I will start unloading them out of the closet, my poor closet right now consists of a few items I wear and lots of hangers. My drawers are virtually ghost towns and to think I gave away scads of clothes and still have more to go, now I know why we were always broke!! Too much shopping, like there is a such an animal.

This Friday is our first salsa dancing lesson. I know a few weeks back I was very stoked about this whole adventure and I still am, I just can't believe it's here. Hopefully I will do good and not fall on my ass and embarass myself. I love to dance, just sometimes I have no coordination for it.

I think that's it for the moment. Thanks for letting me rant and now I feel better

ciao
me

First things first

I have to pass along my condolences to all the family and friends who have lost loved ones at VT, it is my ds1 top 3 schools to look at for college this summer! He's a little shaken by the whole ordeal, but as I explained to him last night, it could happen to anyone, anywhere at any school. Overall I've heard nothing but great things from there, so the trip down is still on!!

-So the gf is at her new job, she emails I'm here
-DH is on his rag, I never knew a man to have so many mood swings in my life, I think he's going to breakdown if he doesn't get a job soon
-DS2 dropped two classes three grades and wonders why he's grounded until I say otherwise!
-I'm broke, I've paid up all of our bills and we are broke until next week, I need dh to get a job NOW!!!!!
-DH has six, count them, 1,2,3,4,5, 6 weeks left on his unemployment for the year!! GAH
-I'm in a size 10/12 depending on the cut :)
-I want winter to pack it up and take a hike somewhere else
-It's supposed to hit near 70 next week :)
-Less than one month and I'm 43
-The dog is so bad, did I ever mention how bad he is. Well that's another blog for another day
-I need a real vacation, palm trees and warm weather and sunshine
-I want to move and get a new job
-Maybe I can do the above once I hit the powerball
-I'm too broke to play powerball
-My grandma just turned 95 last week, god bless her soul

So some little things to throw out there, I feel better
me

Friday

Yeah it's Friday, for a short week it's been long for me! I'm down to 177.5 this a.m. That is so freakin fantastic I can't believe it!!

This weekend, I'm on a mission for some new work clothes, maybe a few slacks and shirts. I'm definitely out of the 14's maybe 12's or even 10's will be the new size!! I'm so torked it's amazing. My new tattoo....oh did I forget to write that!! silly me, is all healed. Here's a picture, I designed it myself. Love the butterflies symbolizing my new life:



This weekend is going to be busy and fly by quickly I am sure. Tomorrow we head off to Baltimore to go to the Aquarium and see the Australia exhibit, I'm very excited to be doing this and then Sunday I'm on my shopping mission. I have staked out a couple of the outlet's and goodwill's and will be browsing through the mdse there to see what catches my fancy. Hopefully lots of stuff!!

Work is work, enough said about that subject.

DS1 is home on his spring break until Monday, then we are all back in the program. DS2 has a urinary tract infection, poor guy!! Me, I'm good, just suffering through the allergy season like the trooper I am!!

have a great weekend all!

me

179.5

Is all I can say....after being stuck int he 180's for what I felt like forever the scale has now moved into the 170's....yipppeeeee

The mini vacation was nice, well spent time off with the family enjoying things. Unfortunately for us the weather did not cooperate and was cool, cloudy and cold....gah

We did spend some quality time up at my dad's though and that was great, it's always good to see him, he's just puttering along and things are doing nicely for him and his girl..

Not much else to report except that the gf who is a jerk, refer to an earlier post went back to her idiot bf and then had the nerve to call me names. Ok, if she wants to live her life with a drug induced alcoholic that is her problem. I can't be around to always save her ass and I don't know if she really knows this or not, but she will soon enough.

I'm not going to make this a bitchy post, I promised myself I wouldn't...so
ciao for now
me

Vacation time

I have been very busy at work this past week and my weight loss has shown the stress. Happily I maintained during this time, but man what difference a few months make. I'm still down 70lb since surgery so I'm very, very pleased.

I'm taking a few days off to spend time with the kiddies and take them on some day trips. It should be lots of fun. The weather although is a different story around here. It was 70 on Monday and now I believe if I'm lucky I would think it's about 40 with 20-30 mph winds gusting to 50mph....Winter revisited..

There was actually a snow squall out there this morning, frightening to think since it is APRIL after all...hello!! One groundhog got that whole thing wrong this year in my humble opinion.

So I will see you all after I get back.

ciao
me

I'm getting there......

it's amazing to me that in this short period of time I am almost at my goal for weight loss. Everyday when I look in the mirror I'm still amazed at the person looking back at me. I'm going to take dance lessons now, the first thing on my list when I got thinner to do.. I have a laundry list of items I would love to do now that I'm am physically and mostly mentally ready to do them.

I am still working out my arms with the weights every morning because I want the batwings to start to go away. It's the only thing besides my inner thighs that is truly driving me crazy right now!! Summer is right around the corner and I'm not ready!! I want, no need to buy a new bathing suit and soon, it's crazy! The other night me and D went to the store to pickup a few things, well I stopped at the capris (since I've given all mine away) and pulled out a 12 and 14 to try on, well the 12's were too big in the waist but ok in the hips....so I got a 10 and tried them on, they fit!! OMG was I so stinking shocked. I can't believe it, so much so I bought them, it truly was a small victory for me!! Everyone at work says I'm skinny, I'm not at least I don't think so yet, but I am working on it. I have a pouch in my abdomen area, of course the fold above my belly doesn't help any either, and the inner thigh thingy along with the batwings are going on. If I could simply erase them I'd be perfectly happy! Easier said than done right!! So, I tried on my sandals the other night, the ones I'm going to wear for salsa lessons, they felt ok, so we'll see how I feel after an hour on them...that should be interesting.

Dad called last night, what are youup to he says, then he asks what are you down to....I've shocked him with the number and he tells me, you've made the right decision to get rid of this weight at your age, I feel very warm and fuzzy from this. My dad and me, we have the best relationship, too bad my mom and me don't, well not in the same way at least. So we are going over to dad's for Easter dinner, I'm excited as I have no where to be the next morning and we can truly enjoy the day!

So now the weekend is here, I'm so glad and it's going to be a great spring weekend here!

ciao for now
me

Hump Day

Where the heck did that term ever come from? Well let's take a look and see......

The mid-day of the week is named for the Norse God, Odin. He was also known as Woden or Wotan. Unlike many of the other days of the week, this day did not correspond roughly with the Roman designation for the day. (The Roman's named Wednesday for the messenger God - Mercury - In Romanian, the day is still known as miercuri). The early Scandanavians and Germans believed that Odin was the chief God of Asgard and as such deserved to have a day of the week named for him. The Anglo-Saxons used the word, Wodnesdaeg.
Wednesday is often referred to as "hump day" because of its position as the middle day of the work week. If the work week were a hill. Then Wednesday would be the crest. It is all down hill from there. (Whether the down hill ride is a coast or a descent into a swamp is left to the individual.)
Only one holiday typically recurs yearly upon Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the official beginning of lent. It is called "Ash" Wednesday because since the 400's it has been the day upon which religious penitent's foreheads are marked with ash. It is a reminder of the mortal condition of the flesh - that we are all dust. This day is a variable date dependent on the date which easter falls. See Sunday to find out how this date is

Ok this is what I found....it seems like poor old Wednesday being the middle of a seven day week is the downslide...the homerun to the weekend per se. Well I don't care what you call it, just let Friday come quick!!

I talked to one of my gf today and we are going to embark on Salsa dancing lessons. NOW why would I want to do this you might wonder? Well being that I am losing weight, exercising and toning up somewhat I thought it would be great to try new things, all forms of dance have always excited me and learning new things has also, so I'm game and we are going. Hopefully I can find a pair of shoes that will work for this occasion since the knee still gives me problems now and again...I actually have a great pair of strappy sandals that would do perfectly but I'm not sure how I feel in them....they have about a 2 1/2" heel...we'll see.

I have made up my mind that I'm trying out new things....darn it! Rubber stamping has gotten me addicted, I make a few cards every weekend! gah and the expense, we all got together and went to a morroccan restaurant..What an interesting experience that was eating with our hands and everything...The male and female belly dancers made the evening. So onto something new...I can't wait and I'm very excited...or maybe you all couldn't tell that.

I am also looking into a personal trainer. YIKES, I am really getting very serious about this whole fitness and exercise stuff!! that is totally a good thing though in my book. My flabby arms need help....as for the rest of the body, it's not falling far behind it..

So off to the phone book for exercise clubs and then we'll see what happen

ciao

How do you handle bad news

SCOTT JOHSON
Scott Johnson
Of Middletown, DE, went to be with The Lord on Sunday March 18, 2007, surrounded by his loving family at the age of 38.
Scott was born in Santa Maria, CA, the son of Donald E. Johnson and Jeannie Baer and has made Delaware his home for the majority of his Life. Scott who had a strong belief in God attended New Castle Baptist Church. Scott was a 1986 graduate of Newark High School and received a Bachelor's of Arts in Finance from Wilmington College in 1999. He worked as a Financial Analyst in the local Banking business for Discover Card and Bank of New York. Scott enjoyed chatting on line with his friends, karaoke, bowling, reading the Bible and Christian rock music, but most important to him was his family.
Scott will be sadly missed by his son Nicholas A. Johnson, mother and step-father Jeannie and Donnie Baer of Middletown, Carl and Edna Speorl, who were second parents to Scott; loving companion Michele Haley, special friend Pamela Wray, and Scott's best friend Jeff Fulton who lead Scott to Christ.
Family and friends are invited to Scott's viewing and to Celebrate his Life with his family on Thursday March 22, 2007, from 10 to 11 am at Beeson Funeral Home of Newark, 2053 Pulaski Highway, Fox Run, (302) 453-1900. His funeral service will begin at 11 am. Committal services will be held privately.
In memory of Scott a contribution may be made to The Helen Graham Center, 4735 Ogletown-Stanton Road, Newark, DE 19713.
Online condolences may be made by visiting
www.griecofuneralhomes.com
BEESON FUNERAL HOME
OF NEWARK
"A Grieco Family
Funeral Home"

This was a sweet guy I met on myspace, never formally in person but man you felt like you knew him your whole life. He was so full of energy and optimism only to have it yanked from him. He had opinions, comments and was generally a joy to speak with on any occasion. He loved karakoke (which I promised to go out and sing with him, but it never happened) I don't know him personally but always felt like we had a connection. I've been wondering where he has been, I would check his page periodically, but he never signed in after 3/1/07. What I never did was scroll down the page to his comments section. Actually the last time I looked was on Tuesday, March 20th, had I looked down on the page I would have seen that he had passed away. I feel guilt, why I have no idea. I liked him, he was a nice person....but I never met him. So I had to put this all down, it was like he was telling me from above, I'm here, I see you look further and you will see me. I even looked at the obits from the paper that day but didn't see it because it was in there the next day. So this is a case of helping me cope, and making me feel better. Isn't that horrible....I pray that he has relief and is looking down on his son and can guide him through all the things he knew he wouldn't be here for.

Mondays, stalls and more bs

So here we are on Monday again, or shall I say the worst day of the work week. Of course this is leading up to the busiest Monday I'll have here at work. I'm on a stall, this one lasting at least two weeks right now. It's frustrating, down right disheartening and overall BLAH!!! I can't stand stalls. That is one thing that I will never get used to with this plan. I'm firmly sitting at 184, TTOM came roaring it's ugly head on Friday and enough said on that. I've noticed in the past few months that the coincidence of TTOM and the week before and after leave me stalled. The pot of gold to this situation is that next week I should show a significant weight loss. Still I have yet to take 4 month pictures nor have I done my measurements feeling like the bloated pig that I feel like.

The weekend was beautiful, it sure does amood and a person right to see some sun, warmer temps and the hope that all is not lost and winter is finally leaving. GOODBYE and we'll see you next year. It's funny that I say this because every year when fall comes knocking on the door I'm so excited to see the warmer days and cooler nights, the leaves changing and all the things that are associated with fall, but winter! well gah I hate it. It seems to me that after Christmas, which is coincidently only three days after the beginning of winter I'm over it and ready to move on! Terrible but that is how it is. So we have changed the clocks back to daylight savings and I'm out walking nights again. I forget how wonderful that feels even if it is still a bit chilly.

The bs, well the gf moved back with the idiot bf. I know it's not my life, but I am the one who she calls when things fall apart. He's a bipolar drunk....enough said about that issue. It's her life and I hope to god she doesn't get hurt, mentally or physically by this jerk off.

So today went by quick. Of course if it were 5:00 pm already I'd be happier but suffice to say we are close enough....hopefully tomorrow I will have new pics and new measurements and be happy as a lark.

me

Spring showers make...........

for alot better day today than last week at this time. Today it's 61 with rain showers last week at this time the rain was changing to ice that would drive us out of work early and cripple our little state!! I'm glad it's raining, that's all I have to say on that one.

I did not watch AI this week, I think for this season at least I'm over it. I don't like the top 12, thought overall they really just didn't have the talent that we've seen in the past few seasons, so I'm over it.

I need to watch Survivor, thank god for On Demand from comcast. They changed the night this week to Wed due to March Madness, I already watch another show at that time on that night, so I need to watch it soon. It was really weird with no survivor last night :(

I'm having horrible cramps and a terrible period, I'm sure that you all really needed to hear that right!

I'm very disappointed in my gf, the one who hooked up with the alcoholic, bipolar dude who is not divorced!! So, she recently left him after he wanted to go on a three day bender, now mind you this is the same guy who just two weeks earlier went on a three day bender. What do I mean about three day benders, well it's just drink, drink, drink....no sleep, no nothing else, he doesn't remember anything that happens in that time period so basically he's a worthless nobody to anyone...and ya wonder why his soon to be ex wife left him...HELLOOOO!!!! I think we all know why. Well that disappointment comes from the fact that she couldn't find anything better to do with her life yesterday, so she spent the night there. She justifies it as we are dating...well yeah but he's a loser and you left him, so WHY THE FUCK are you over there!! I'm beyond disappointment at this point, I'm just plain ole sick and tired of her insecurities and selfishness....can't she see that this guy is no good for her or her 6 year old son...what would his father think of this whole situation..oh right I have to shut my big fucking mouth about the whole thing because he can't know. If you have to keep that many secrets and cut yourself off from everyone and everything it has to be no good!! BLINDERS it's all I can say.

The flowers are starting to bud and bloom out there, so that helps lighten the mood a tad...

It's FRIDAY!! so that in itself is a major mood lightener.

Work has been boring this week....that is a crazy thing but true....

ok so I'm out, everyone enjoy the weekend!

me

End of Winter blahs............... :)~~

Why is it everyone gets the end of winter blahs. You know that time when you want it to be spring so bad and have warm sun shining on your face instead you wake up to 30 degree weather and windchill!! Where I am, it's horrible. It is affecting peoples personalities and everything. It's like a full moon landed and has turned the world into something ungodly from one of those b-rated movies that no one wants to watch but does. I know I have been feeling them for the last week or so, ever since we had that little sneak of sun, warmth and spring. The temps turned bad at the end of the last week, ice storm and blah!! I'm so tired of looking out the windows and seeing gray instead of green grass and leaves on trees and blue sky with a big ball of sunshine just calling me to come out and bask in it.

I have been in a bad funk, I don't know what it is and to be quite honest I can't seem to shake it right now. Every little thing is ticking me off, I want to run home and hide in the covers and sleep and not come out until summer.

On a brighter note, if there is one here, today is my four month surgiversary. The numbers are in today and I'm down 62.5 lb since surgery. It's amazing the transformation that my body is going through. I'm solidly wearing 14's albeit they are a bit loose at the end of the day but the 12's are too tight still. It's the agonizing time of being in between sizes that drives me batty. I'm tired of the winter clothes and trying to mix and match the same 20 things to make a new outfit!! lol I forgot to measure and take pictures this a.m. so I am noticing that as time draws on I'm losing my "newness" of the surgery. For the past three days I've been the bottomless pit, I'm sure it has alot to do with TTOM but seriously folks it needs to end!!

I have a new flirt in my life, I just wish I could get serious about this whole thing, but alas I can't. I'm stuck in a doomed marriage and I can't seem to get the umph to get out of it. Of course it doesn't help since he's a PIA about the whole thing, I mean cmon we don't even share the same likes and things anymore....it's a sad state of affairs. I wish he would just be done with it and take his stuff and go, but of course I know that is not going to happen. Maybe I need to disappear. YEAH RIGHT!!

Anyhow this could go on for days, weeks, months and years but the way I feel now, I'm rambling and it's all just blah, blah blah....so I'm out

me

Hopefully spring is around the corner

Friday turned into the day from h*ll on the way home, with ice and snow. Of course we had rain earlier in the day so it prohibited the road crews from laying down the pre-treatment and it was horrific on the way home. A simple 15-20 minute trip took me an hour. Thank goodness it stopped overnight and then we had one of two bowling sessions cancelled on sat morning. Ds2 took the second one that night in a very relaxed and fun atmosphere scoring his highest series without handicap to date, 496. Sunday was bowling again, did I tell you I'm sick of bowling right now, alas three more weeks and it's over!!

Sat I did treat myself to a new color and cut, I like the color but am not jazzed about the cut right now, too many short bangs, well at least they will grow in!!

Up to the 40's today and near 50 tomorrow, hopefully the end of the week we will be back in the 70's and stay there for a long hot summer

me

Fridays and snow??

Well I would have to say that the groundhog must be totally wrong, or it is just a big ole joke! We are six weeks past groundhog day and guess what we are having snow, sleet and freezing rain. It totally sux and that is for sure....lol valley girlesq

I hear there are tons of accidents out there and things are quickly going downhill. Hopefully they will see the light here and let us out early. But I doubt it.

Good news, I'm 184.....less than 50 lb from goal...yeah!!

me

Crazy spring days

Ok so this a.m. it's mild outside. I'd think about 55-60 degrees. Went out at lunch it's a beautiful balmy 72 degrees. Driving back into work an hour later it's a cold, blustery 55 degrees again and now they are saying it's dropping down to 30 tonight and 1-3" of snow tomorrow. Where did our spring go? I feel cheated!! It came for a day or two and now it's gone.

I'm ready for pedicures, open toe shoes, no nylons, shorts, tanks, bathing suits....

sigh...tomorrow will be pants, socks and a sweater

Now that is definitely no fun!!

me

New Picture

Ok, total slacker here again, no excuses. I'm down 61.5 lb now, it's amazing to me. We are coming out of our winter shells here so the clothing is not so big and bulky and I'm getting compliments like crazy...it's crazy. Sometimes I see it and sometimes I don't. I think that is the mind perception that people speak of. I'm exercising regularly and eating well, no dumping thank god!! The oldest ds is back at football practice so I've been getting him after work then home to get things done around there.

My good friend recently introduced me to Stampin Up stamps, I'm addicted...it's sad and horrible but keeps me occupied and I've bought way too much stuff already!

So that's my life so far, 70's today and tomorrow then back to the 40's spring is almost here and I'm so glad it was a long cold winter here

me

A new milestone

I'm so excited this past weekend I hit two milestones....the first one came Friday, I weighed in at 190, same as dh...yippee....well today I'm 188 officially in the 180's and below dh for the first time since I've known him. Of course he's not happy about it but tough!! lol

It's been a busy time, so sorry for the lack of blogging.

Hopefully soon I can catch up on here.

Me