second dates and Phillies

The Phillies won! I can't believe it and we all thought they would play Boston, but not so sure aobut that....hopefully Boston can pull it off.

Second date last night, very nice, we went to dinner and just talked all night. That was very important! We discussed alot because of the distance that of course will always be an issue. But overall it was a nice date. We got to know more about one another.

Work is crazy busy, I'm so tired and am glad it's Thursday. Sat is date #3

Tired

I'm beat, last night was our annual trade show for work and we all stayed up too late, had too much to drink and back at work bright and early today!! I'm ready for bed.

On a good note, Phillies won again...I'm truly wowed by this...lol

Beautiful weekend

It is/was and is still happening. I went on a date last night. Didn't want to say anything to jinx it and I really know I said I wasn't going to but it came up and well he asked me yesterday. I drove down to meet him 1/2 way. We had crabs (probably last of the season) and then off to a drive in. I couldn't believe they have drive in's still downstate, it was so cool. I haven't been to one in years. It was fun and I felt almost like a teenager again. Of course all that sitting wrecked havoc on my side that is healing...so I laid down for a short while at his house while the Red Sox were handed their asses in the game last night and well I promptly feel asleep, he talked me into spending the night in his guest bedroom and I came back this a.m.

So the dog probably thinks I had abandoned him, as was my plan to come home last night, but with the boy spending the night at his friends and the other on at his father's, I guess it was easy to forget the poor dog and I just stayed down there. LOL

Today, I'm sore, I'm not going to lie and I'm going to just watch football and relax. Nothing else at all! I would love to exercise, I miss it, really. I can't do anything but walk for at least 3 more weeks :( Boo hoo You never realize how much your life and priorities change with this whole procedure and now that exercise is part of my life, when I can't do it, I miss it.

Eating is less I have noticed too, I can't seem to stomach hardly anything at all in a sitting. Last night for dinner I had a cup of soup and was overstuffed. WTF is that, I haven't felt like that since I originally had the surgery early out. It's actually really strange to be back at this point but it is where I am at. I like to eat and enjoy my food and choices but wow!! So I will be taking it easy this week, he has asked me to go on a bike ride next Sunday and I really would like to go, pain willing! lol We'll see and he totally understands. I think the lady last night at dinner looked at us like we were crazy with our dinner order, me cup of soup and him 1/2 doz crabs and there were two left when we were done. So that leads me to the last revelation, he's had the gastric sleeve...he's lost a ton of weight and well I didn't know when I first met him, but it really has seemed to bond us on a different level, but not to interfere with anything else.

On that I am leaving I need my couch and to lay and watch some football, hopefully there will be some good winners today!

Made it through the week

Albeit how short it was it was perfect for me to get back into my groove. By the time I left yesterday I was caught up. Organization is the key! thank god I'm organized when I want to be. I also got my 401K moved from my old companies account into the new one, so one less item to worry about, however it's losing money left and right and I cringe everytime I log in to see my balance..boo

I'm officially down the 17lb of fluid the hospital put in me, thank god, I hate that bloated feeling you get when you leave there. The one incision is really bothering me, it's the one I believe he did all the work out of. It's purple, black and blue and well really, really nasty looking surrounding the incision. The actual incision is healing just fine though. Also, I noticed as of this past year I seem to bruise rather easily, but the actual bruises usually take up to a week to show up on me! Is that weird or what. As of Thursday night I have the bruises from where my IV was and where they drew blood on Sat morning. No wonder all summer when I got a bruise I couldn't remember where it came from, it probably happened a week before.

Today, I get my hair done, color and a cut. Both are much needed. Then the one boy and I are hanging out. Tomorrow I have plans, and that's all I'm writing about it right now.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend weather wise, hopefully where you live also! I'm going to enjoy it to the maxx!!

A challenge

I am always up for one but the desk I went in and saw yesterday made me want to cry..lol

I started digging out hopefully today I'll be caught up, I hate unresolved issues lying around on my desk. I was very tired last night too, I think I was asleep by 7:30....off to another day!!

Back to work

So the mini vacation is quickly drawing to a close. Doc's at 12:30 and then work for the afternoon. In a way it's good, gives me a 1/2 day today and a full day tomorrow to fly under the radar at work and get caught up at my pace.

The healing is going remarkably well and of course the retail therapy I indulged in yesterday didn't hurt either. Got some really nice sweaters and a few shirts for work...sooo


I was hoping for shoes but couldn't find just the right pair! That search will continue...

So I have to get the kids ready and out the door and then relax for my last few hours.

A new day

So again I have met a man who mysteriously disappeared. I don't understand nor do I want to. I didn't want to date anyhow after the last one but once again disappointed in men!

Yesterday was a great day, went shopping with my mom in the morning and went out to walk in the afternoon. It was nice to have the sun shining on my face and the cooler weather around me.

Today, I'm planning a trip to a local state park I've never been too, I'm going to pack some food and water and go, take the camera and hopefully just enjoy the day. I hate not being able to go to the Y, but I can't do alot of exercises right now, so I will just walk...and enjoy.

I go for my followup on Thursday with the doc and then Friday back to work. I'm ready....although I am enjoying my time off there really isn't alot I can do and everyone is working or in school. So for now, I'm just enjoying my own company! lol

Alright time to hit the shower....

enjoy your day and the Red Sox won!! Yeah Sharon and TEX

Monday musing

Ok I'm back, took off the weekend. Truly it was a blur and the well the stay at the hospital, less than stellar unlike last time :( I went in Friday morning bright and early everything was great, surgery completed, woke up (actually was awake and joking with nurses in recovery, a first for me) and then the ball started rolling down the hill. I ended up in recovery for 3 hours, no bed ready. Well I finally get in the bed at 1pm on Friday afternoon, it was still a jumble to get me in there, I was still in good spirits from my visit downstairs, but it quickly starting taking a slide downhill. I was settled in and then virtually left alone. I was the only one in my room, at the end of the hall the furthest away from everyone. Hooked up to every contraption imaginable and here I was drinking water and had to go to the bathroom...how many times do you have to call a nurse to get them to unhook you to go. Well at this point I'm ready to burst between IV fluids and such so I unhooked the compression boots and then they come walking in, you can't do that, oh yes I can because I'm not going to be sitting in my bladder explosion that was about to happen! So I'm free up and walking around, they never did come back and rehook up the compression boots, but oh well I was up and moving around so....then I find out I have to stay, I originally thought I wasn't BOO!!! Well then I found out I'm on gastric phase 1 diet, well I can handle that but I didn't know, while walking around the halls I also noticed that hardly anyone was on my floor, so WTF did it take forever to get me up there. Short staff and unorganization, that's what! Well I hear the survery will be sent and I will be courteous and fill it out! LOL

So I'm home, Sat I came home and slept, nothing like sleeping in your own bed to make everything in the world seem great! The xh is back in FL too! yeah, I hope he stays this time! but somehow I doubt it. So Sat was sleeping and movie with ds2, yesterday was football and hanging out with the boys and I did cook some dinner. I felt accomplished so....

Today, I've been up since 5, good god why can't I just sleep in for pete's sake. DS2 is on his way to school, work email has been checked and forwarded and answered and now I am here...what next...I'm restless already!

More pain meds and maybe some sleep!

Will be dark for a few days

Tomorrow morning bright and early I will be at the hospital to get this hernia repair surgery...I'm not ready! My house is trashed, my bills are not paid and well I've just finally made the last call to have the kids taken care of while I'm in the hospital in case I have to stay overnight.

I will be gone from here for a few days as I am going to take full advantage of the painkillers, my couch and the movies I've gathered to watch while recouping the next few days.

I am sad that I will not meet fellow WLS friends, whether they are from blogs I love to read or just people I have connected with throughout the east coast.....

So have a happy weekend all, the gorgeous fall weather is with us and I wish I were out doing fall things instead this weekend!

Alot of thoughts and they are all jumbled up

So I will not be able to attend the OH convention on Sat. This is a real bummer for me as I wanted to connect with those who have gone before me and inspired me on my journey to WLS and the benefits that have come my way. Truly there are those out there that inspire me still to this day to maintain the quality of life that they sought those many years ago! I too am now a success story but I still look to those who walked the path before me to guide me and give me great advice throughout my journey. As you who are new and starting out we all once were in your shoes and there are those who I just turn to for advice and to see if they are in the same circumstance as me! Again with this hernia surgery I have been scanning the masses (ok the few blogs I follow) to see if any of those who walked in my shoes before me have experienced this and the resounding answer; YES!! amazing. So I go on in the daily routine of being right now.....no exercise (which is driving me crazy) unless you count the walks I take. I'm restless, beyond belief....would I ever imagine I am writing this...the resounding answer NO....so me and Amy Lee (Evanscense) are just trudging through life right now and we are not happy campers.

So here we are almost two years out, I've been thinking alot about this. The whole phenomenom of surviving, succeeding and then bam problems. I have had literally no issues since surgery. NONE, NADA, ZILCH, ZIP....so where is this coming from. To put me in check, to give me a reality check, put me in my place, give me the reality check that I have been needing for awhile.

So this is alot to think about, to realize that life is not perfect but still there is hope....no there is hope...because for me this is just another roadblock, detour and learning experience in my new life.

Mucho confusing

After alot of dates, times and hospitals we were finally able to pin down a time, date and place to have the surgery....geez

Friday, 6am bright and early I will be in town at my local hospital (the one I want), originally it was tomorrow, but someone couldn't do it, then they made it Monday, the doctor said too long to wait, so we all settled happily on Friday morning. While that totally blows for my weekend, it has to be done!!

So to my fellow bloggers that I was going to meet, I'm sorry, but I have to get this done....and we will all meet soon!!

Now it's time for another pain killer and off to find some food my tummy can tolerate!!

Wednesday

Is the day I go under the knife. Unfortunately now I probably won't be able to attend the OH convention on Sat....damn!!!!

more to follow

Today is the day

That I find out when the surgery will be. Seriously I probably should have gone to the hospital late yesterday as I was in more pain again, but I took the meds and sucked it up. Probably not the wisest thing to do but it's what I did. I took more pain meds this a.m. and am going to attempt work, not sure what I will wear as anything binding causes tremendous pain also. So that is my challenge for today and oh to get as much work done as possible. I hope I can handle it, I truly am not sure as yesterday I literally laid around like a sloth. Sat other than my date which consisted of sitting at a restaurant, walking in apark a bit and then sitting on the couch watching a movie I really didn't do alot and turned that into tremendous night pain. This is serious folks and I hope you don't ever have to experience it. But, if you do go to the doc, don't wait! It's the only piece of advice because it's not going anywhere. You can have a hernia for years and it will cause no pain, but if the pain and nausea come go get help immediately. Ok off my soapbox, I have to get ready!!

The verdict is in

I got a call from the surgeons office yesterday afternoon on my way out the door for my date. Talk about timing. Well evidently the hospital sends out the CAT's to whomever is on duty (whereever this may be) via computer, and yesterday when the radiologist at my hospital came on duty he re-reviews them. Well he found something, promptly called the surgeon sent my scan via email to them and yes they are seeing it too. What is it you may ask? A hernia...no fun, excruciating pain and well I felt twinges of it now and again yesterday when I turned or twisted too far one way. If I make it through the weekend then I am free until they schedule surgery, otherwise if it flares up then I'm in the OR immediately. The doctor said he could be there in 28 min if I get another bad case to go right in and page him on the way. This is serious and I'm pretty far into it I guess. I dont' know alot about hernias, but I will be reading up on it I'm sure really soon here.

So my date was wonderful, although I was totally preoccupied by the recent news. How do you put it out of your mind? Well I did manage but it took a little while, horrible to dump this on someone on your third date with them...ahh the joys of dating!! Ok I'm off to web md, and hopefully today will be smooth sailing.....

It's finally here

my Sat date day!!! yeah....

And it was almost ruined by yesterday. At lunch I was eating two bites of salad when I immediately dashed off to the ladies room and was sick. Well then I turned white and thought I was going to pass out so I sat down in the waiting area for a bit and well tried to pull myself together. Well it was everything I could do to drive myself home and I promptly got sick again. Every little sip I took would come right back out. What am I thinking, blockage!! boo. Well I layed down and slept, hoping maybe it would work it's way through, the pain was excruciating, never in my life have I had so much pain. So I am now waiting for my oldest son to get home from school and I totally forgot he had an exam from 5-7pm. Well the minute he came in the door I had him take me to the ER. Fun, fun....Well they set me up, in the room immediately and I had blood drawn, IV started (as I was getting very dehydrated at this point) and then I had to drink the nasty Gastrobond, for the cat scan. I had to wait 1 1/2 hours after I drank to get the test run so the liquid would run through the intestines...YUCK!!! Around midnight I was whisked off to the Cat scan and they found nothing!! NOTHING wrong, but I was still in pain. They called my surgeon and he said that it had nothing to do with the WLS (thank god) and that I could possibly have a pinched nerve in my lower back muscles or the beginning of appendicitis, so they sent me home around 2am with meds and I slept, I feel a little better today, still a bit sore but nothing I can't manage to move around with.

So today, is date 3, I am excited and we aren't doing anything strenuous so it should be fine. He told me yesterday that he misses me, that he is having feelings and it's all a bit crazy and soon...we'll just see where it goes!

Rainy weekends

Another noreaster is headed our way, we will either have a washout or nothing much at all, who knows as mother nature has her way of playing us like that.

Plans are being made for Sat. The kids are all taken care of and I am free. Now just to find out what is going on....there is an Indian festival, sounds corny but I love authentic Indian food, curries and all that..YUM!! So maybe venture over there and check it out, maybe not. A scrabble match is in the making, yes I love scrabble, the english major in me is wanting a good matchup, maybe this will be it! lol

Hints of the past year are out there, it's been a wild ride I've been re-reading some journaling and OMG what a whirlwind it's been, crazy, fun, sad, horrible, anxiety and well it's my life, as nutty as is it. I wanted to put together a synopsis but I am not sure I have it in me to sum it all up. There is alot...oy!

I'm thinking of a new blog, yes we've all thought of this now and again, this one had great intentions at the beginning, WLS blog, the ups and downs the ins and outs and now that we are getting further and further out with no major complications it just seems stale, not always alot to write about with the WLS processes anymore...I will have to think about this more too

I am feeling the winds of change under my feet, not sure where this will lead me, but you can follow if you chose.....

The pressure is on......

Depending on what my mates agree too.......omg

Im going wth it ....so..........

Wednesday because what other day would it be????

So much has happened to me in this past year. Can I put it all into words. Of course I can , but I do I want to, NO

Sad as it may seem this is what I want...stayed tuned for the next post.

First day of Autumn

And the weather is changing and so is my life.

The x is going back to Fl again, I think at this point I wish he would make up his mind because it's very sad and confusing for our son. He told me he was leaving again in front of ds2. DS2 told me later in the car that he heard that news for the first time just then and he asked me if his father really cared about him? What do you say? My relationship with the ex has sometimes been very bad, I really take the stand that my children can figure their father's relationship with them out theirselves. I was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place? What do you say that will soothe the child without lying to yourself and breaking your own rule? Such is life if he wants to leave or stay that is his choice, but stop becoming the yo-yo that your life is and try to find a job and settle somewhere.

So the first full day of autumn. There has been alot of change in my life in the past few months, the end of yet another short relationship, the start of my one son in college, the birthday that allowed him to become an adult, school starting for the other son, my divorce becoming final, the possible end of yet another friendship (because I can't give more) and what have I gained from all of this besides a spinning head? I've grown, I'm learning, I'm becoming and I'm moving forward. After thinking last month at the end of the last relationship that I'm not going to be starting this anytime soon, well maybe I will eat my own words maybe not, I'm going to see G again, I'm going to see where this may or may not go, I'm going to put myself out there and bear my feelings, my soul and my life. Put it all out there on the line and if it becomes it does. I have a good feeling but again I've had those before. The difference this time? I've grown, I've become and I am speaking up early for what I believe, want and love. I'm not compromising, I'm not just there in the relationship, being somewhat emotionally unavailable as I have also been in the past. I chose men in the past to deal with life how I wanted to, which really wasn't much. I wasn't ready, am I now? Who knows, but I'm different, I can feel it in how I am, how I act, what I say, how I think.

Lastly, I want to touch on my weight, it's up a bit, I am sticking on the high end of my 5 lb fluctuation. I don't want it to grow more, but I do want to be cognizant that it's sitting there and has been for quite a few weeks. I've had quite a few emotional weeks and well I'm outside my 18 month window (as the doctor's suggest) I know I can drop these 5 if I try really hard, I do want to but I also want to be true to myself. I haven't really been weighing myself lately, in fact I suppose it's almost been a month since I did weigh myself. Am I disappointed to see I'm sitting here? Not really, I'm exercising still, eating as healthy as I can right now, I feel good, look good and well I need to become comfortable with this whole process, because that is what it is. It's another learning phase in my life, how to eat and maintain. It's hard, no wonder all those skinny girls are always on a 'diet', it's how they maintain their sleek physique. Do I want to be the skinny girl, no I don't, I just want to be me, normal!

As I approach two years out

and I know I have read this before but here is my take on it. I started this blog pre-WLS to help me and possibly others in their journey. It's alot different than I first expected. Had I written a journal entry of my expectations and how I thought i would feel at this point I'm sure it would have been totally different than the reality. As I am approaching my two year point, my weight is stable, my labs are good, I feel great and I have a new life. This is all what I wanted but not the way I wanted it to happen, I've been through a divorce, I have lost many, many good (or supposedly) friends along the way, I've met new only to discover they aren't who I am.

And that brings me to the big question, one I've been pondering alot lately, "Who am I?", "What do I want out of life and in my life?". I really have lived in the shadow of others tremendously the past few years, not good. I've had to rediscover my passions, wants, needs and who I am. I have had to dig deep, I've put myself out there to date again, only to pull myself off the market. Why, I wasn't ready. I really didn't know about me enough to share with another. I am definitely growing and learning and leading a totally different life than I did a mere two years ago. And to be honest at this point it's all good, yes it's been rough, alot of soul searching and well alot of mistakes made along the way. But all in the interest of good.

Through this all, my family and remainder of freinds have been super supportive, that is what means the most. My health is improving all the time, I am doing things I never imagined before I would accomplish and well, I'm happy. I smile, alot. I laugh, sometimes loud. I enjoy, getting up in the morning. I have taken back life and am pushing through.

Things have been busy

and my computer crashed in the midst of it all. Here's a quickie of what's going on in life...

I have ended my friendship/whatever you may want to call it with K....it's over
I never wanted to date again...
My dad set me up on a semi blind date for this Sat....hmmmm(so much for never dating again)
My friends from TN are in town tonight through Sunday, I can't wait to hang out with the guys!!!
I spent last weekend in Annapolis, alone, by myself enjoying the peace and serenity
I love going to the Y now, I'm really getting pumped
I'm eating much healthier
I'm getting muscles!!
and abs...lol
I can't believe it's almost fall...I love the season change but that's it
I am enjoying my life again
I am working and putting myself outside the box so to speak of comfort level with some degree of success
oh and I'm officially divorced now!

Been dark

My computer was down, now it's fixed be back tomorrow with more!!

A great weekend

Even though Sat was a complete washout with the rain, it still was a nice day to hang out with the boys. I never made it to the gym on Sat, but went to the AHA Heartwalk today and then to the gym. Home for football!! Yeah, football is back...got lots of wash done, some cleaning and general stuff around the house to get ready for the week ahead.

We are settling into our school routine, thank god. The xh is home, for now, he's threatening (or at least that is how he perceives it) to pack a uhaul and move to FL. My thoughts on this....good riddance. He just doesn't get it, the further away from me he is, the happier I am.

So it's Sunday night, the house is semi done and I'm feeling good about things, myself and life again.

It's Friday again

Where did the week from h*ll go?? I'm glad it's over and need to have a more positive weekend than last.

Hurricane Hanna is rolling in here tomorrow. I did manage tonight at the gym, lower body workout and then the running machine. I think I love the running machine...3 miles in 25 min...yeah I was pumped.

Off to watch a movie with the boy and enjoy a quiet evening alone at home.

oh and I'm single again :(

Life as I know it....

just isn't right these days...not sure exactly what is wrong but it is. I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom in my life right now. Tonight is a night off of exercise. I can really feel the gret workout I had last night. I have muscles that are sore that I didnt' know existed..lol

So tomorrow night I will go back to the gym, do that great new machine and do lower body workout on my exercise equipment. I'm really excited as it will probably be the biggest excitement of my life this weekend! I am really expecting the worse from a phone call tonight, or maybe the lack of a phone call will tell the story. I am hoping for the best and expecting the worst, it's why I keep getting let down by people in my life. I expect too much I guess.

So I'm blogging, ate semi good today, I am really trying to stay out of the kitchen tonight and then I will have a good day. I really just have the no care attitude but am trying really really trying to make the right choices in life. I have been good so far, with a few munches here and there but nothing major and I want to curb that before it starts.

It's the hump day

and work stunk....got to get my new helper and soon, it's only been 6 months or so I've been asking...So what do they tell me today? You are not keeping up with the job. Ok, and if I had an assistant I would be. So are you setting me up to fail? Because that is how I felt about it.

Thank god I had to leave at 2 to take ds2 to the doc for his physical, surprise surprise when we got there, he also needed two shots..

Then off to pickup ds1 and we all headed to the Y again, today, upper body weight machine workout. Nice, felt good, not too much. Then I strolled over to this machine that looks like an elliptical. Since I love the elliptical I had to check it out. Well low and behold I couldnt' stop myself from stepping up on it. I did, entered in the information and start whizzing away. Good, we are making progress. Well I realized about a minute in I am not extending my arms enough to make maximum stride. So I push the arms out as far as can go and then I feel it, in my thighs...good lord I look down and the arm controls are hooked to the foot pedals below, I am extending my upper body stride which in turn is extending out my lower body stride. OUCH!!!

So here I sit, 2 hours after the workout and wow my thighs are feeling it. I know I am going to be feeling this tomorrow too!! Nice workout, work the sweat and soreness....

Here we go again

Last night had a great workout, work wasn't so bad coming off the long holiday weekend also. I got alot done, thank goodness.

Last night I took ds2 and we ran the elliptical, 45 min. I taught him about the machine, what it can do for you and how to maintain your heartrate while working out. All in all it was a good run for me. It's been quite a while since I've run so it felt good. Surprising my legs aren't feeling too, too bad this a.m.

Eating had too many carbs again, I need to control them more. I have been finding myself very hungry lately, but I don't always pick good choices. I try to put in the protein but the carbs keep coming in also :(

Tonight ds1 and I work the weights!! yeah

Finally it's over

tomorrow we go back to work. I just hope I never, ever spend another long weekend as miserable as I was this weekend. I did learn alot about a few special people in my life. One being K. I'm very sad at the realization that I'm just not a priority in his life at all, but with all things life happens. So I've let him go, I'm sad, angry and well just plain old disappointed again with the men in my life again. I guess I have alot of issues still to deal with, I am going to try and get a therapy appointment tomorrow night since today is myusual day. I wish there were an easier way to work through this, but alas life is complicated and so is dealing with it.

Today we went swimming, I did 20 laps which totally impressed me, also met a few nice people at the pool. It was our first day there as we just joined today. I'm glad they are putting a bubble over the pool so we will have wintertime swimming! yeah!

So now back to our regularly programmed life!!

At this point I just wish it would end....

this long weekend. Did not turn out as I hoped it would, but again it gave me alot of insight into people in my life and the importance I play in theirs. I've been very down, sad if you will...this too shall pass

I was hoping for more, but ended up getting less. Tomorrow the boys and I are going to the pool. We are going to all just hang out which will be nice. I did manage to clean, I mean really clean my house today...it smells good. Laundry almost done, we are heading out for sandwiches and then they will both leave me for the evening. So another evening alone. I would think I would start getting used to them, but I'm not. I really don't have alot of great plans nor people to hang out with right now...so I just sit here in self loathing. Good I sound so damn remorse. But I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Tomorrow is a new day

Can't sleep

So here I am 4am on Sat morning. I could be laying in bed lazing around, or actually sleeping and no I'm wide awake!! What the heck!

I have no idea why, well I have a few, but I have not been sleeping well at all....

Life is crappy somedays...later I will be tired

Long weekends and such.............

Well here we are the long holiday weekend and I have no plans. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I can't believe it. Tomorrow my oldest son and I have to pickup his books for college and we are going to work out....cleaning, laundry, what an exciting weekend I have lined up huh! NOT...

I almost feel out of sorts, the summer is ending (unofficially) and well I'm just starting again to get those feelings of the changes yet to come soon. The sun is shining less, the days are growing shorter. I truly love fall and all the colors and changes with the weather, but in a cliche I hate it too, because of the shorter days and the colder weather that is coming afterward. I really hate winter. I can't stand it!

I am down in weight, a few days with fresh fruits and lots of veggies, good eating and theweight is right back off. I have to say I love my surgery for this reason. As soon as I get a little out of control, I reign it in, eat sensibly again and of course the ongoing exercise and well i'm right back where I need to be.

I am hoping to meet a good personal trainer also when we go to the gym. I would love to spend some quality time with a personal trainer to help me target specific areas on myself so that I can improve my overall self. I am also starting on the 8th of Sept my yoga classes. A whole month of some pretty intensive learning. I will be going three times a week until the first week of Oct. Then I will continue with regular classes until Mar or Apr and then onto the teachers certification.

That should be enough to keep me busy, preoccupied with what is going on around me and i hope to change the way I feel about the seasonal changes that I dread year in and year out. I really need to work on moving to a warmer climate!

Hope you all have a happy Labor Day weekend, enjoy your time off!

Because you are beautiful

I had lunch with my honey today. It was great to see him and spend some time with him. While we were at lunch evidently he sent a huge bouquet of flowers to me at work, which were delivered while I was out. All the girls in the office were gaga to see who they were from except my bff, she knew :)



So we spent 2 hours (yes I took long lunch) and had a great time. I miss him alot with all the work he's been doing. He's even working this weekend. Hopefully it will ease up soon and we can spend some real quality time together.

With that said, no big plans for the holiday weekend. In fact, I'm the late person tomorrow at work, if you count 2pm as being late..lol Everyone else gets to leave at 12noon



I'm feeling a whole heck of a lot better from the other night, glad it was mild but man it was nasty. Just a friendly reminder to me that I have had surgery and need to watch what I eat, although I don't believe I could have prevented that episode. I'm on the high side of where I like to weigh right now also, bought more fresh fruits and veggies and am working on getting it back down.

Am going to take a class on Sat and Monday at the new studio. I'm very excited for this whole process to start. I can't believe I am actually going to work in the exercise field. It's weird to think of that because I used to be the fat obese girl who couldn't get out of my own way!! lol Anyhow, things are good.....the kids are great and I'm looking forward to the long weekend off!

Brand new day

It was a brand new day and I felt pretty darn good, considering last night was a total bust. Anyhow, I have made a future plan, not sure if I jotted it down here, but here it is.

Next month I've enrolled in yoga, beginners, at a center that teaches people to instruct as well as just offers classes...do you see where I am going with this. I love yoga, it's been a lifesaver to me the last year in my stress and divorce and weight loss. It is one exercise I truly, truly love and I want to learn more. So after speaking with the owner of the studio, he suggested I sign up for the beginner class. Next year I want to pursue my teaching certification...YEAH!! I'm so excited. It's probably the first true goal I've made for myself since the WLS occured almost two years ago. I'm almost divorced and now I have a goal for my future. It's something I can sink my teeth into and I am truly looking forward to this.

So it's almost the holiday weekend, it's my Friday to stay after the troops leave, so 2pm I get to go, it's still three hours earlier than most days, so I'm a happy camper anywho! I have no plans, actually K said he's not working Sat or Sun when I asked him and he didn't make plans with me at all :( I'm very sad by this and am almost wondering where I fit into his life. I know he's busy, works a ton, and he's made alot of time for me, but sheesh I wasn't expecting that answer...so yes I'm sad. As for my friend who showed up Friday, he did proposition me, he called me today apologizing, I told him I just don't feel right around him anymore. As for the stbhx, I truly wish he would stay in FL, but he will do what he will do and to be honest I just don't care anymore, at all.

So that's my Wed, no formal exercise as I just got done dinner. I'm bloated, the weather is going to be rainy the next few days and well....

SUMMERS almost over...I'm very sad about this :(

Bad night

I ate something that totally is not agreeing with me! BLAH!! that is how I feel. I have these episodes just every once in a while now, but I never know when they are coming because I had grilled chicken for dinner....YUCK!!

As K says, "some days your the bug, some days your the windshield" right now I feel like throwing up....so I guess I'm the bug....blah....

School is going well for ds2....

K and I are doing great, i miss him in the week but we are both busy.

Tonight I spoke at our WLS support group. I always like helping people out.

Right now I'm going to lie down, i hate this!!

End of summer as my kid knows it...

Tomorrow is the first day of school, he is not a happy camper. Summer for him is over. School starts bright and early tomorrow!

My weekend was nice, Friday night a friend came up and we went on a bike ride, of course then he tried to make amove and I wasn't in for all of that so I put a halt to it abruptly and he took me home. I just dont' understand sometimes why guys do that but....it happens.

Saturday, K and I had lunch, of course he worked all weekend so we squeezed in a few hours here and there to see one another. Another couple of weeks and it will slow down a bit for him. We have talked for hours and I wish i could see him more, but totally understand that he has a job to do.

This afternoon I was relaxing after cutting the grass and finishing up some house work and then viola the x calls, he wants to come back here and live. Guess the grass wasn't as green down there as he wanted and she must not be bringing in enough money for them both..Oh well not myproblem but I am totally not looking forward to him returning here...blah!

Other than that we had beautiful weather for August, the breezes are blowing and it's just perfect. Too bad we can't spend it somewhere on vacation.

My car is still broken, I have to decide if I want to get a new one (which I don't want to) or try and spend tons of money on it and fix it...we'll see lots of thinking to do on that one.

Friday's

are the best. I was in late at work, due to the guy coming out to the house this a.m. He was semi-ontime so I'll take it. I strolled in around quarter to 11 and then viola, boss annouces we are leaving at 3pm. So I finally know what it means to have banker's hours!! Wish all my Friday's were this nice.

Last night, got a text from another friend, someone whom I haven't spoken with since May. Evidently, the nascar is coming back to DE next month, so is he. He want's to have dinner. I feel very awkward about this now and since I was 1/2 asleep texting last night I didn't bring it up. I need to say something. Not going to jeopardize what is going on with k and me, not worth it in my book....

Youngest ds is spending night at his friends, oldest is at work and suddenly I'm by myself again. I have more freedom now from the xh and kids than when I was with the xh since he would never take them anywhere. So what do I do with my newfound freedom tonight? I'm thinking mushy girly movie on couch, maybe a stroll by the river, or.....

well I guess you'll have to wait and see what I did. Right now I'm going to finish my turkey, swiss and tomato on whole grain and see what's going on in the world!!

Almost the weekend

And I am tired. I was falling asleep watching a movie with my son tonight. GAH

Tomorrow I have to take 1/2 day, have some personal business in the a.m. and I totally forgot to take off work. Too much work, too much stress....

Anyhow, I'm munching still, not bad munching, but munching none the less.
I've been enjoying our wonderful weather. It's hard to believe it's August
I'm glad tomrrow is Friday
I'm ready to see my guy....poor guy works way too much
I'm ready to spend some time with the boy before school starts Monday

I'm off to bed, I'm tired....and I feel yuck!

Bad Tuesday

And I found myself last night slipping into stressful eating habits. The good news is I hardly have anything bad in the house to eat, the bad news, I did find a few sweet treats which the sugar counts sent me dumping and to bed early. Resolve, to find other ways to deal with stress. Today is a new day and well I don't want to repeat that episode anytime soon. YUCK

It's hump day, let's celebrate it's all down here from here for the weekend.

Where have I been????

Long time gone again...I've been busy and I've made alot of strides along the way in therapy.

So where do I begin, well school starts next week for ds2, 8th grade. Lots of great things coming his way this year. Last year of middle school and we are trying to get him into his brother's high school (no easy feat I may say). DS1 starts college on the 3rd of Sept. I still can't believe I have a college student for a son!!

Therapy for me has been great, the x moved to FL about 3 weeks ago, currently I believe he is stuck in the middle of this hurricane....worse things could be happening in my life there. My new guy, K and I are doing great, slow but spending more and more time together. We are supposed to go on a boat ride down the Hudson Saturday then to see the man made waterfalls under the NYC bridges then back up, dinner overlooking the NYC skyline at sunset and well the rest will be history. It will be a great day if he can get off work....argh Did I tell you his right hand man screwed up yesterday and didn't show up for work, didn't call and now he's banned from OT the next two weekends. If this screws up our plans, well I'm not going to be a happy camper!

Work is busy, I'm finally getting help. We are interviewing now!! Yippee...I can't wait for this to happen to as it couldn't have come at a worse time for me as I'm almost in the middle of my busy season.

So life is moving along, it's almost the end of August, good god where did the summer go?

My life is great, I'm so happy, I've found myself, who I am, what I love and someone to share alot of it with right now. I couldn't be happier with myself even if I tried.

On the WLS front, I am approaching my 2 years mark, my weight is steady, my muscles are growing, I'm more active in my exercise thanks to my guy, he loves to exercise and I love that he urges me to be a better person in that sense. I've been walking 5 miles every day for over 2 weeks now, I'm back on my balance ball, I am also doing the elliptical at work 3x a week for 30 min. All I need are more weights in my routine and I would be pretty darn well rounded. When I saw the doc a few months back he told me it's all about me, and the quality of exercise I do and how I eat from here on out. I still feel too full when I eat too much, I still have adversions to sugar and white flour and most carbs (bad ones) but that is all good and keeps me and my life in check!!

I am the happiest I have been in years, maybe in my whole life. I really know what I want, how I want to be and I'm starting to make plans for my future. I'm living outside of the 2 week box that I had limited myself to for the last year. I would never make any plans that were over 2 weeks away, in fact I usually limited any plans to a bday party or some family gathering and everything else was a whim. I have a different attitude and how I want to live my life, what I want from it and want to do during it. I have alot of time to accomplish these goals and well I can't wait to get started. The first long term plan, to get in shape to do this triathlon next summer. I have approximately 9 months left to get ready, I don't know about the running yet, my ortho doc and I are working on it, so it might be a futile attempt for me to think about it, but there is a dualathlon also, which is biking and swimming, both of which I can do. I need to dust off my bike, get the tires changed and start riding it instead of the stationary one. There is also Bike to the Bay next Oct, as I could never be ready this year. 75 miles over two days, not sure if it's 75 a day or over two but it's alot further than I could ever imagine riding by this year. So I'm making plans, I'm really involving myself in a life again and I couldn't be happier.

Beautiful weekend

Got to spend the day yesterday with my K, he is wonderful. Makes my heart sing and my face smile. We have such a great time together it's scary...so many things discussed, shared...we laughed, cried and had a wonderful time together..

Life is beautiful!

It's Friday

Thank god it's almost over. Went out last night again, too late, too much going on and I was one tired camper today....I actually turned off the alarm this a.m. and went back to sleep. Thank god I woke up and checked the time as I was almost late! Work was long, it's over and I'm thankful.

Tonight I have a "me" night, nothing going on and I'm ready to pop in the movie and relax...truly relax. Tomorrow is date day, I can't wait....how many times will i say this..lol I can't wait...he is truly one amazing person and I'm glad that I found him or he found me...whichever

It's almost time for back to school to...where did this summer go? It has been excellent!!

Chesapeake river

What a better way to end the evening than to watch the sunset over the Chesapeake Bay. I was able to do this last night. While enjoying a yummy dinner and listening to some sweet music I was able to relax and kick back with the sun. It was a beautiful evening too, cool, low humidity and just a nice night out.

Of course that means no exercise. I really need to get some in this week, so I am planning a walk at lunch. My eating has been good but I just feel blah, I know, I know I need to exercise. You don't have to tell me this!

So today is stbxh birthday, I guess he's still on his bus ride to FL, he called pissy yesterday because our son is was not home to get his call. I'm sorry, he's out enjoying his summer vacation with his friends. I'm so glad he's gone, too good to be true, but alas yes he's gone.

This weekend is great for plans, I'm spending a great day with my sweetie on Sat. Of course he's on nights for the weekend so that stinks but the days are all mine!! SWEET

The weather is going to break tomorrow and I'm ready to enjoy....

D-day

Ok he's leaving, in approximately 1 hour. I'm so over the moon, this has been a very strange year to say the least and the sudden unexpected departure of the stbxh to FL. I hope he finds what he wants there. I'm not sure if he's coming home or not, but it is his life and he'll chose to do whatever. DS2 is going to the beach with his friend for the next few days so that will distract him from his father leaving. I am bracing for the weeks to come when he realizes as I am that I don't think his father is coming home again.

On the WLS front, well I've been having some issues....not sure if they are surgery related or just issues. I'm having horrible pee, really smelly...sorry TMI (but if anyone has anything to add on this!!) and I'm tired. My labs came back normal so I'mnot sure what that is all about. Maybe because I'm just overextending myself all around. I haven't just relaxed in a weekend day in quite a few weeks. It seems it's all or nothing with me anymore.

On my dating front, well I've found one I truly like. We are taking things really slow, almost painfully at some points. I really like him and he I. He works alot and well has quit one job already. We are making plans for a Sat day to do something, what I don't know I just told him to surprise me. I really am enjoying the company of him as we have so many things in common and he is totally understanding (or at least trying) about me and my surgery and the things that go along with it. Those of you who have had know what I am talking about..lol

Exercise, I'm walking almost 4 miles a day. I'm doing the AHA heart walk again this Sept. I need to set up my website today, reminding me to do so.... I am also still working my balance ball, it's really a great workout, but i think I want to try and find another dvd routine to mix it up a bit...I would like to do the Bike to the Bay also next fall, it's a 75 mile one trip to the beach on a bicycle for MS. I have my bike and have been riding but not enough to do this trip, plus I'm not sure my bike would make the ride! My guy is a rider so I'll be asking him soon for some tips and see what he thinks. Who knows maybe next year we can both do the ride!

My other son is getting ready for his first day of college! I still can't believe i have a child going to college. YIKES!

Ok I need to finish getting ready for work, everyone have a great one, I'm so behind on reading everyone's blog I love....soon

Tuesday ramblings

Today we get my youngest ready for yet another vacation this summer.

He's had the best summer this year traveling and just hanging out with his friends. I'm glad that I was able to provide that for him since it's the first since his father and I brokeup.

Weight is stable and I really enjoy the balance ball routines still, they are still challenging enough that I am not bored with it. Although this particular routine takes a bit more time than I am used to.

Food choices are good, carbs are low and natural fruits and veggies are high. I love summertime!!

Work is busy and I am trying not to let the stress of it all get to me....

Doc's office called and my labs are all good, although they did switch up my vitamins, guess they found some work just better than others for us bariatric patients. So the switch is in effect, I do not notice anything different so ok, that has been about 3-4 weeks now.

I did attend support this past month, first since April and that is always good, it makes me feel more centered and grounded. Yes, I do realize I am not the only person to have WLS but sometimes out there is the sea of people I deal with daily it's hard to remember this....

Ok off toget ready have a great one and I will try to be here more often.

It's been a while and things are puttering along

I'm really happy about the outcome of my therapy sessions. It has really put my life and mind in balance and back on track.

I'm back on track with eating and exercise. I just needed a little time and R&R from the stresses of life to get me back on track.

I have a new pic, got a nose piercing my latest crazy endeavour.



I am happy, have a great man in my life, although for a while I didn't think he was going to be there...and all is good in my world...

Another hard session

Tonight was another hard session at therapy, I'm wiped emotionally. I took a long, long walk afterwards at the river because I just needed to clear my head, it always helps to be at the water.

My one gf texted me to go out tomorrow, I think i may, I need a little distraction from this week, it's been long and hard. K called, wanted me to take off tomorrow, but I can't I have work I have to get done. First Friday in a long, long time....so I miss him, but I still don't think he misses me the same....and tomorrow is Friday...my boys are both home and I'm glad they are, but man my house is a disaster also!!!

Till later......

so therapy begins again

I'm back in therapy full time for now, we are delving into areas that real terrify me and are probably the root of all evil and my problems. I'm not ready to write about them yet, but they are mindblowing and scary all at the same time....I don't know if I'm ready for this, but it needs to happen...really.

Here i thought maybe I was going to see her quickly and now we are going down a whole new road of life. Eating stinks today, way way way too many carbs....god I hate how that happens and now I feel bloated and yucky!!!

Tommorrow is a new day!

A new day

I woke up groggy today...but it's a new day and I'm ready to conquer the world...ok as soon as I get some coffee!

I have had a bad few days, resolving some issues with the therapist and I'm sure this is all triggered by the fact that now I have found out that the official divorce papers have been served. It had to come at some point or another, I don't know why stbxh didn't realize this....

Today is a new day, I'm feeling pretty good....

My therapist

Is the rock of my life, I called her out of the blue today after my horrible weekend, she was like come right in after work. So 1 hour later I walk out with a new perspective. Sometimes I think I just need the right person at the right time in my life to talk to. She's the best....worth every penny I pay her too! So I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the week. It's hot and humid and hopefully an end in sight. I'm taking tonight off from exercise to spend with my son who just got home yesterday from his two week stay at my sisters......

Quality time with the boy, tomorrow quality time with both my boys as they both want to see Batman again!!! I'll get to see the parts I was dozing off in last Thursday at midnight :)

Thank you for comments, as you see I thought of that too and called the doc!

Weekend was hard

It was the hardest one I've dealt with in a while...I felt lonely, sad and generally left out of life. I retreated to bed for the day on Saturday and yesterday was no better, although I did get up and do lots of things, cut grass, exercised, took the dog to the river and walked the riverwalk..I tried to find happiness in the little things but it was hard. The self pity and depression are setting in again, I'mwriting but finding no relief in it so far. I think it's time to call the doctor again, even as I write this right now I'm tearing up....I hate when I feel like this!! I thought I had conquered it!!!

Weekend is almost over

and what have I done? Stayed in bed all day yesterday, got a call last night to hang out (which I did) and today I'm up early. It's hotter than blazes here and I would love to go to the river and just hang today. So after I drop off my son, I think I'm packing up a few items, chair, book, suntan lotion and water (lots of it) and heading out, just me!

I had a nice night last night, but I'm still dealing with this emotional baggage, sometimes it kicks me in the butt pretty hard. Today is for me!

Emotional baggage sucks

I have been in an relationship with my husband for 17 years before it ended. He was a emotional abuser, he took great pleasure in bringing me down and laying me out all the time. I did alot of counseling to get myself out of that rut, but sometimes when certain things happen in my life I retreat back to the dark place I used to live in. Today is no exception, I went to bed last night and didn't even get out of the bed until 5pm today. I was depressed and felt like everything was spiraling out of control. So I did what I know how to do, shut down. I hate that I still allow myself this to happen but it does. I've been struggling for a few days now but I guess yesterday with something that didn't happen and did happen it just put it all out there and sent me over the edge. So tonight I'm up, I've showered and took the dog on a long, long walk and watched the sunset over the river, it was very therapeutic and tomorrow I want to have a better day!

Weekend

Is here, I'm off today. Last night me and my oldest went to see Batman, it was great. Today I'm sleepy.

I'm struggling with some emotional baggage the last few days and it always seems like I get my life where I want it then someone comes and spills the apple cart. It will work out and I have a few days to do so by myself.

have a great weekend!

Hump day

Last night was a bust, no formal exercise, but I did walk. It's ok, tonight I'll exercise and I'm getting my hair done. It needs it so bad. Work has been crazy and I'm glad I took off Friday.

My oldest and I are going to see Batman tomorrow night also, he got free passes from work to see the opening show, so I was hoping to be relaxing before the show, but no my date from Sat night rescheduled for tomorrow night. It will be nice though.

Eating has been a bit unplanned lately, hence the low side of the weight scale. But I will say this, the guys I have met and I have told up front about my surgery have been very supportive of this. When you go out to eat with someone and eat like 5 bites (ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit) but you all know what I mean, and they are like is your food bad....well anyway they have been very good about it. I find this to be very refreshing and made it a point to talk with them about it up front, because it is a HUGE part of what and who I am right now and for the rest of my life and if they weren't going to accept it, well then I would be moving on.

The dog days of summer of hitting us...it's going to be horrible for over the next week...blah

He's interested

He's called about 5-6 times in the last few days and texted me too. I always knew he was a sweet man but we'll see how long this lasts. Aren't I horrible. A deveatist against men, always looking for something bad in them. I do enjoy talking with him and learning more about him. He intriques me which says something because he's not just another guy (and hasn't been for me since I first met him). Anyhow, I'm head over heels right now but my guard is still partially up. My gf's think I'm nuts and I'm high on life, just hoping it doesn't come crashing down on me.

I exercised last night, the whole workout, or I probably already mentioned that, I'm getting ready to tonight, I'm down to the low end of my weight right now, my baby is coming home this weekend (2 weeks gone) and my oldest is on his way home now. It will be nice to have my boys with me again and back to normal. It was great having some "me" time but I am ready for them to come home.

Oh and my date from last Sat he wants to go out this Thursday, I do like him too, so I have to decide on a restaurant and quick before he calls me later...lol

I can truly say for the first time in my life I am enjoying myself and know what it means to have a life.....

Someone I'm trying to forget

So I met the bartender guy a bit back, we hit it off and then he totally bailed on me a few weeks back. I had all but forgotten him....until Sat. He told me when he left that he was going to change, to call, and he did today. Not once but twice, we even made plans. But I'm not going to hold my breath. Last time I made plans he totally bailed on me, but I'm all for giving someone another chance, I think that since he didn't do something totally horrible why not. I think in general people are good, they have good intentions and sometimes don't know how to make them work. So we are going to do this again, what am I feeling? Well I've been mulling it all day, I'm confused, I'm scared I will get my feelings hurt again and I'm excited. Good god I keep thinking what am I doing? I do like him, and I know he likes me but does he know how to have any type of relationship? I guess at this point time will tell....

On a bright note, I exercised again, the full workout and I feel damn good...why can't I just get the routine going again?

Well two was all there was....

because he got called into work. He was on call this weekend and I knew this going in so it is what it was.

My gf came down and spent the night instead. She is in a very bad marriage and to be honest it probably did her a world of good. We went out for a bit last night and I ran into my bartender friend. I have done good to avoid him since he finds little or usually no time for me. Of course being the big sucker that I am around him I caved and talked to him, but he knew I was mad at him and made that very clear. Of course I did talk to him more and now I'm confused again. My problem is I really like him, but he has NO time for me. Sometimes I hate myself for picking all the wrong guys. Maybe someday I'll learn from my mistakes. Until then, I keep making them.

Today was fun, the bbq was a good time had by all, it's hot and humid and now the tstorms are rolling in. My oldest son left for his dads for two days again, so I'm alone! I enjoy this, but with all the tumultuous feelings I'm having I wish he were at home.

I'm going to watch a movie and chill.....till later

Two down one to go.....

and this is the one I'm looking forward to the most!! The old saying, Saving the best for last!

Lunch date yesterday was nice, I do like him, but....

Dinner date last night was nice, dinner was delicious and I'm sure we'll be great friends. Just didn't have that something there for me that I'm looking for.

Tonights date is about 1 1/2 hour away, I'm trying to figure out what to wear, how to fix my hair....I want to look nice but casual. I'm really excited about this one, can you tell??

I got up early, cleaned the whole house, vacuumed, bathroom, floors, wash...good god what got into me is beyond me, but I have a great clean house and it's wonderful!! Also, made the day fly by..lol

I even cut the front lawn...I must be ill :)

So tonight we are going to the riverfront, dinner and then whatever. I can't wait....he called today just to say hi and I'm thinking of you!! WOW for me.

Tomorrow is a bbq, then I have to figure out when I'm driving south. I need to do this soon too!

Sunny Saturday and I'm smiling bright!

Weekend

I love the weekends and this one will be different. I have alot of plans for someone who really didn't want any structure to this weekend. Tonight I am having dinner with a guy I met recently, he's cooking. It should actually be a nice relaxing weekend as he stopped by last night and took me for Rita's waterice and some conversation. Tomorrow day I'm free to clean and wash, then I have another date, with a different guy whom I met recently. We are going to dinner on the waterfront and a movie. Sunday is a bbq for my friends fiance andthat should be a blast also. The weather is supposed to be excellent and well to be honest I'm very excited about the whole weekend!

Changes

Now that life is settling down again for me and I find myself single again, I've noticed changes. However, subtle they may have been up front, they are there and starting to make their presence known to me.

I have done alot of soul searching and well I guess my priorities and wants and needs in life are shifting also. I'm not just looking for any old guy, for someone who will show me affection and like me for who I am and what I look like. That sounds alot like the old girl, the big, heavy girl whom guys would consistently pass over for the thinner, more glamourous model. Well I'm that girl now, I'm no model, never will be, but I am a healthy, happy, mid-40's single mom. I have alot of life and love to life it. I enjoy the better things in life and well one of the things I am doing is writing a little synopsis of me and what I want and need for my life. Needs are small, but my wants are big, I'm living outside my comfort zone on this one and it's ok. It's working for me. I'm more picky, I'm more demanding and well to be honest I'm less likely to just end of with "someone" this time.

Life is full of twists and turns and well, I'm taking the low road on this one and I want to see where the journey takes me.

A few pics

from the wedding and the rehersal dinner.

This is me and my sister (the bride)

and me

me and my sisters

The wedding was great fun!

Yeah

The wedding was a blast. I have a ton of pics on my camera I need to upload and then I'll post some. My sister's were beautiful and the whole day was magical. The rain held off and even the sun peeked out when we left the church on the way to the reception. All in all it was a good weekend. The cold (yes again) is getting the best of me and I was down for the count Sat night. Up early and the ds1 was called into work, so I stopped by my moms and before long everyone was over visiting again. It's very rare that all the kids can be together anymore because we all live all over the world. So my mom was happy we were all home and at home.

Today, I'm tired, tonight I'll put up some pics.....

Wedding day

Today is the big day, I did get a cute dress and new shoes (that rock btw) and I'm ready to go. I have the first reading which is going to be great, I practiced like a million times last night and I'm ready. It's one of my favorite from the Book of Genesis so that makes it even better.

I will take lots of pics and post soon....we had the rehersal dinner last night, it was a bbq which was tons of fun. My brother went and got fireworks and they were great, although the rain and dampness made for lots of smoke. It was better than going to the ones the state puts on (no crowds)

Oh and I did exercise yesterday, the whole CD, I was pumped and promptly fell asleep as I am still battling this nasty cold. Three weeks now, so I'm not sure where to go from here. Guess the doc will be getting yet another call on Monday.

So I'm off, for more coffee and relaxing before I get ready!

Patriotic weekends

are fun, why because we get a day off...lol no. Because it's summer and I'm in the best shape of my life, ever. I've gained back such pride and accomplishment it's astounding. I am undaunted by those who feel I am inferior to them, why because I've worked damned hard and will continue to just to maintain this body I've developed. Sure, I had a little help up front, but now it's all up to me. WLS isn't a quick fix, a cure, it's a tool something not to be gotten into lightly and you need to be commited, for the long haul, forever. I hear alot of people "Oh if I just had WLS I could lose this weight and I'd be good". Yeah sure, for about 1 year and then bam the weight starts piling back on if you don't change your habits, your ways so to speak. Sure there are people who really don't have to change much and the surgery works, but overall the statistics are just not in your favor. Really, don't believe check it out.

I've been fortunate (knock on wood) I've had no complications, no extra hospital stays, nothing out of the ordinary. Sure I have my dumping spells, they are far and few between nowadays but sometimes I overdo it, I'm human and I am still learning from my mistakes.

So this weekend, I'm buying a gorgeous summer dress to wear to my sister's wedding. It will be strapless and maybe even backless. I'm daring to go where I've never dared to go before and why, because I'm accomplished!

I feel accomplished

I did my whole balance ball workout tonight, abs, lower and upper body. I didn't want to but I did it!

Long day at work, had a fun lunch again with B. Took too long again, I need to set a timer or something. Thank goodness I get in early otherwise I'd have alot of docked pay!! He makes my heart sing. That is good, right?

Till tomorrow!

I love short weeks....

because I am already so tired this week, and fighting off a sore throat again, bleech :(

My sister and her husband came home with a sore throat and after spending alot of time with them over the weekend, I'm now trying not to get sick. I am wickedly busy at work and well at home with the upcoming wedding this weekend. No time to be sick that is for sure!

I have another lunch date with B today. I can't wait, I can't stop smiling, he makes my heart sing. Is that corny, well I think so but whatever he does.

Tomorrow, my oldest is taking us to see Hancock after he works, so we will be going to the midnight showing. I will definitely be napping before we go.

At some point I need to re-incorporate exercise, my body is craving this and well I've been so darned tired and busy I haven't had time. I opted to sleep in this a.m. over getting up and even doing a short 20 min workout :(

Weight is stable, which is always a good thing.

Another great day

I had my second date today with the new guy, B. He called around 10 and invited me to lunch, we had such a great time talking, laughing and eating that I lost track of time and was 1/2 hour late back to work, oopsss!! Anyhow, we are doing it again on Wed. I can't believe what a great person he is, so easy to talk to and we do have alot of things in common right now.

Work today, one word - Frustrating

Will they ever be able to make a decision while i am not there...sheesh. It felt like they saved everything for me, although I know they didn't it just seemed that way to me.

Exercise - Nil again, I need to get back in the routine.

Cleaning - Nil again, I desparately need to clean my house

Grocery shopping - partly done, I just didn't have the energy to do alot tonight.

I dropped the boy off at work and have to pick him up at 11:30, that is enough to damper anyone's evening!!

So I'm off, to catch an hour of sleep before I have to pick himup

till tomorrow

Back to work

It was a bittersweet week last week, we buried my grandma and well then we started all over yesterday. Yesterday we had my sister's bridal shower, it was a great time had by all and a new beginning at happiness for the couple. I'm bracing for a very busy week at work this week and a short one at that.

Had a great mini date last night, we had a blast. It was really good to get out and laugh a little after everything else that went on!

So I'm off to work, to get my groove on and well try to get some semblence of normal back in my homelife also, as I have done NO wash and NO cleaning! Yikes!!!

Happy Monday

The most incredible seafood!

If you ever get a chance to come to the Wilmington waterfront, a place to eat is Harry's Seafood. They have the best seafood there that you would ever eat. Everytime I go there the food is fresh, the menu is different and they plan it all on what is the freshest available at the market that morning. Today, I had a lunch of lobster and boston bibb lettuce with tomato and avacado. It was incredible, then I shared a strawberry shortcake with chantilly cream with my little sister, the bride to be! It was heaven on earth. Of course I have 1/2 of my salad left over for dinner tonight or tomorrow.

I have a lunch date tomorrow, nice guy I met out and I'm having drinks with another fellow tonight. I will say it's daunting the amount of guys who come out of the woodwork when you are not the "fat" girl anymore. I'm enjoying it, as I am a huge people person, but clearly most only are looking for one thing and when that comes up, CHECK PLEASE!

I still like the guy K, but I don't think he wants or knows how to have a relationship, I don't want to be just the girl that hangs out with you when you work at the bar! Seriously I love the drinks and all the attention, but there is way more to life than that! So, I'm not really sure what he wants, I don't even think he knows what he wants. It seems to me that he has filled his time with things he does, work, biking, triathalons, his son, but it does not seem there is room at all for a girl. So, I'm going to let him ride it out, I do think he is a really great person, seriously, but life is too short for that.

I haven't exercised in days, my body is so telling me this right at this very moment. Will I do any tonight, my plan is yes, but in my heart I doubt it will happen. I need to get back in my routine, but with everything that happened last week and now this week in preparation for the big day on Saturday, who knows.

On the weight front, I am maintaining, which is a very good thing! I was worried I would have dropped too much with the lack of eating properly and well too much drinking this weekend! Had a great weekend with my friends, old and new ones I met yesterday at their pool party. We had a great time, I have some new pics to post as soon as I get them uploaded!

So I'm off for my drinks and some hopefully nice conversation. I have alot of work this week and well its going to be another short one for me. The picnic is Friday, the wedding Sat and I still have yet to buy a dress. If anyone has a beautiful size 6 dress for a summer wedding, please send it to me!! LOL

Couldn't sleep

I hate the waiting. I couldn't sleep, even though I had a few drinks last night to try and help me sleep. The girls showed up at my door to bring me out for a few (I had 2). They said K sent them to get me. He's such a sweetie and man the big hug I got from him was the best I had all week and much needed. So I was out, we had a few, listened to some music, I really wasn't into the whole night but it was a nice distraction after the full day of cooking and seeing old relatives. My mom's house was a bustling pletora of activity all day into the evening.

I also got to speak with another fellow (who I told time and time again I will only ever be your friend) about some things he was saying about me. I didn't like what was said at all and well to be honest I am not the kind of person he was portraying me to be, but then the person who relayed the message doesn't like me much anyhow, so....well anyhow, back to him, I told him why would you say such things happened between us when they didn't, of course he denied the whole thing. IDIOT!! I told him this is not you treat friends, at least this is not how I treat friends so he wasn't being a real friend and please just refrain from speaking with me.

Another guy last night told me I looked mean, whateva...I told him my grandma died and I was just out of sorts, he said so, people die everyday. They were just a dime a dozen last night.

So today, I have my beautiful dress ready to wear, I have to shower and get ready, I've been up for hours and well I'm not really ready, I just want to see her and give a hug one more time but everytime I think about it I well up with tears. Sometimes I hate that I am such an openly emotional person but it is what it is and there will be alot of tissues today!

J and MB are picking me up after I drop my youngest off tonight, to distract me for a while. That sounds like the best idea I've heard all day, just to get there.

On the bright note, I have a date tomorrow night with K. Yes the K I am not sure of, but he has been there for me all week, he is a nice guy (or at least so far) so I'm excited about this. Sunday is my little sister's wedding shower and we are going to one yummy restaurant on the Wilmington Waterfront...YUMMY!!

Moving on to WL, I haven't exercised in a few days, I am feeling the effects of not doing so, but I just haven't had the time, tomorrow my body needs it. I still cannot get it in my head how someone who shyed away from exercise and healthy living now craves it when she isn't doing it. I really have come along way but sometimes I still think like the "fat" girl. My weight, well it's down, I knew it was going to go there, but there again lies a change. Before I used to run to food, smuggle, hide and gorge myself anytime I had any stress or anything happen in my life. Now, well my throat constricts and I can't seem to get anything down. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how stress and eating is so different than before and it seems to be a change that alot of WLS patients go through. The how and why of that? I have no idea but it seems to be the norm. So I have hit the 130's, never in my life do I remember being in the 130's but there I am....Sometimes when I wear certain types of clothes well I look too thin, am I? Have I done something that is too drastic and radical? No, because after this passes I will put back on a few pounds, I will resume being me and normal....I'm happy, healthy, and well just normal. Isnt' that really what we all wanted to be at the beginning of this journey?

Today I cook

For the upcoming post funeral celebration. My mom has her plate full so I've liberated some of that cooking from her. Roast beef, meatballs, pasta salad, potato salad and whatever else I figure out along the way. Tonight we all gather at the funeral home for a family viewing, I'm not looking forward to it. Even as I type I am getting that familiar lump in my stomach bleech :(

On another note, apparently a guy whom I've met and told time and time again that we will only ever be friends is spreading lies about me that we are sleeping together. Um NO, and that would be a big ewww too! So at some point I have to find the time to locate him and nip this in the bud once and for all. At this point in my life I do not want to be living a high school memories again. I can't believe people and why would they stoop that low to say that to someone I know.

So I need to get busy, and I want to blog soon, more I have alot going on in my life and this current family crisis is just the tip of the iceburg. I need some release but have had no time to write.

Picking up the pieces

Is what we start doing today. The whole family has gathered, and I'm happy to see most whom I haven't seen in years, but sad due to the occasion. I will glad when it's over and we can move on to a happier celebration of my little sister's marriage. She gets married on 7/5 and originally that is why she and my other sister were coming up this past Monday.

On a side note - WLS wise, I have definitely noticed that I'm not a grazer or a secret eater when it comes to stress of this nature, in fact I've been eating somewhat normal but alot less. I find myself getting choked up when it's time to eat and feel like my throat is restricted from taking in any food and pushing it past my throat. It is definitely a landmark for me who for most of her whole life has been an emotional eater.

Life is so unexpected

Today is the day we made the final arrangements for one of the most beautiful people in my world. My grandma. She passed away today at age 96, despite her age and lack of eyesight for the last 15-20 years she has led a fulfilling and wonderful life. She was the most simple person I knew, she gave her love and affection to all, unconditionally. So as I go through these next few days in preparation of the rest of the family coming home and laying her down in her final resting place, I reflect.

She is living with god now, she believed in him utmost over everything else, but her family always came first. She was an angel sent down in a time of deep depression in her native Poland, luckily her family was able to escape pre Holocaust.

I love you grandma and will never forget you!

Sad Day

Yesterday I got a call from my mom, they have decided to take my grandmother off her life support. I'm very sad, but dont' want her to suffer. She's hanging in there as of now, I hope my two sisters get up here in time to see her before she goes. She's the strongest most beautiful person I know in my life. She has lived a full 96 years and has great family and friends.

Needless to say this isn't the way I thought it would go, but there it is. God has a plan for our family, even if it includes a funeral possibly before the wedding. It's so sad and I'm just dealing.

Did my balance ball, trying to eleviate some agression and frustration or maybe it's just sadness. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do.

I havent' been eating well, but in hindsight that is definitely a switch. Tonight is support group, and well to be honest no matter what happens I'm glad it is. These are the times when we aren't prepared for how we will handle the situation post WLS.

God bless you grandma, I love you!

It's going to be a great week

I have a short week this week, since I'm taking no formal vacation I've taken off a few Friday's for long summer weekends and this one is another!!

My sister's are on their way up today, I'm so happy. I haven't seen one since before my surgery! Yes, it's been a while

Had a great weekend and made alot of decisions about how I want my life to be, I'm very peaceful now and am enjoying what I can when I can. I am itching to start something new, something I've never done before, but first I have to decide what this is.....stay tuned...

Have a great week!

Another perfect ending

Had a great time last night, met some really cool new friends and even some of the friends of mine at the last minute decided to go out....of course the music was great thanks to the group and we all had a great night.

Today is cloudy and more humid, going to hang with the boy, who is downstairs waiting for me to watch a movie!!

Will try later to get in some sort of exercise, but right now I'm all about the relaxation.

Hope you all had a great one, it's almost time to make the donuts!

Saturdays

Are full of fun, today I made Amish friend bread, it's the first time, in fact before my gf gave it to me I had never heard of it in my life. Learned something new.

Tonight I think I'm going to hang out with the friends. Although no one in the immediate group wants to go, the band will be there and someone will wander in the door and hang out with me. I just need a good night out, with some friends and music.

Cleaned a ton today and yesterday, worked out, Love the new balance ball still, I'm seeing definition in my legs and abs...yeah!!! I really wish I could afford the plastics or had the time to heal but alas it's not in my immediate future.

So the guy, the cutie K, he called yesterday, did I already write this? I forget, if not there it is, if so I'm still riding on that high. We'll see if he can follow through, but I won't hold my breath. If he doesn't it WILL certainly be his loss...lol

Weight is back down the 10 I gained are gone, gone, gone!! yeah, now to stay away from the carbs. Oh didn't I just write I made bread today!! sheesh shooting myself inmy own foot.

Weather is perfect for an evening out....enjoy!

Cheers!

Where did this week go??

This week was busy and fun, I was able to squeeze in some fun even though I had to find it on my own as none of the friends wanted to hang this week. Last night I called a someone I know and asked if they'd meet me out, I know it was wrong but at least I was hanging with someone in the hopes of meeting someone else there that night. To my amazement the evening went perfectly and my little plan worked. I felt a little bad, but really I never said I was going to be more than just a platonic friend to this other guy. He got the wrong impression, but again this isn't the first time that this has happened. So anyhow, I hung, enjoyed some not so great music but got to hang out with my other guy. He called today and now I am debating on whether to call him back or just let him call again, of course he's not the best on follow through, but he did call today!! I feel so giddy, I knew it was so worth the chance last night when he walked in and I got those butterflies. You all remember what that is like!!

Anyhow my week was busy at work, and today was a mental health day, so I got some work done and took a nap and generally relaxed. It's been a great week and beautiful weather, my sisters are on their way up for the start of the wedding celebrations and I can't wait to seethem. My one sister hasn't been home since pre-wls so I'm very excited to see her and her me!!

Have a great one, I'll be back later with more!

Grieving

Tonight my gf and I went to a memorial service and viewing for another's friends father. Now, granted I have not actually seen this gf in about 15 years (her choosing) but we've kept in sporatic touch. Her parents were the best thing for me when mine were going through their own separation and subsequent divorce. They were there unconditionally for me, to listen, learn, voice, and just plain old support me. Why wouldn't I go to the memorial service. So gf (MB) and I arrive at the service, other gf is there greeting people, she greets MB, her mother, two brothers and then I step forward. She has no idea whatsoever who I am. Am I astonished, saddened, shocked. I'd have to say yes to each of the above.

I sit down with gf (MB) and tell her, other gf, she doesn't remember me. Her mom chimes in, she probably just doesn't recognize you. Ok, well I am there for her father, so whatever. Anyhow, I then find out her mother is too ill to attend the service. She in fact is so sick they felt that it would potentially do more harm than good :( Her sister is also not there, which is ok. So the neighbors well they are all there, and there were actually a few that did remember me. Hmm very interesting.

So I felt a little left out, a little humbled and alot of sadness for a great man who was an inspiration to me. Married for 56 years, a lifetime in my eyes to the same woman, whom he loved, cherished and adored to his dying day. The joy and comraderie which is something that eludes my life. Someday I wish to have just a taste of what it is they shared.

God bless you Ed, may you be playing golf on the big course up in heaven.

WOW

Is all I can say about the weekend. It was great, no I mean really great. I won't bore you with all the details but I can say my life has such a better quality and well I have re-found a happiness in it that was dark for a bit. I didn't realize the lightbulb was growing dimmer and dimmer in my last relationship, but alas it was. This weekend started out on Thursday evening with good friends in a relaxed atmosphere and ended up with us all out sharing nacho's and drinks on the deck of an old hotel/bar in the next city over. The sun was shining and we were all having a great time and hanging on to every last great moment until we all had to come back to reality.

So Thursday night I reconnected with an old interest, he's great. Friday night we all hung out down in MD, had a slumber party over at Jenn's...yeah jennie for sharing your home with us and yeah Chuck for keeping me sane that night. Sat we got emails from a good friend who played an acoustic close to home, so we were off to the shore...and another slumber party. I'm still smiling. It was great. In the interest of those reading I'm just going to say it was supposed to be 5 of us Sat night and it turned into an intimate two, at the request of this special someone that I attend the evening out. Thanks!!

Sunday, we did a brunch and hung out....what a glorious weekend and with NO kids. Even the oldest went and spent time with his dad.

I truly love my friends!! Thank you for all cyber and in real life for being there for me no matter what!

I love my friends

To death, even though I totally haven't talked to them on a whole in months. They are all still there waiting for me with open arms and no worries about why I've been away so long. I need to find a way to balance my friends and the next man in my life. That is my new mission. They must be compatible it is a requirement.

Anyhow, last night was a great, casual night out with the friends. Saw my bestest friends belt out some great tunes, in a relaxed and casual atmosphere while I had a few cocktails with the near and dear. More friends showed up later in the evening so I got home rather late but all in all it was a great night. There is one particular person, who shall remain nameless at this point. I've met him before, he is really not in the circle of friends but knows the friends. He's sweet, he goes out of his way to talk with me, everytime I see him. He's cute and he's incredibly shy, but not around me. Last night he must have known (I'm going with the esp) that I needed to hear what a beautiful special person I am. He was gushing and I was there lapping it up, like a cat to milk. I felt like a princess and really nothing happened. I'm not going to jinx this, but he's really nice. Anyhow, my eye candy friend showed up also last night, late. He gives the most incredible hugs to all his friends, but last night he too was telling me he was so glad that I am his friend and that he is blessed in knowing me. They really just knew how to lift my spirits and make me feel like the person I know I am. So the doldrums and self loathing, pity I've been feeling for myself, it's gone. I'm back, to myself, my regular, happy person that I am.

Tonight, I'm going out, in fact the whole weekend is full of friends and more friends. I actually do not have any children responsibility at all. In fact I have my entire house to myself for the next two days and three nights. I don't know what I am going to do with myself, but i'm sure I'll figure it out right quick!! lol

So with this I bid you all a great weekend, I'm going to squeeze in some intense exercise in there too as I need to get back in the groove and get the beach body ready, I'm going to be getting there soon.......

Enjoy ciao

Thursday

The weather has broken and last night was unbelievable. I was out for my walk and well had every intention of coming home and getting the balance ball routine going, but nope. First a great friend who is in a bad relationship called, crying. Second, the stbxh came over to drop off the boy and well he picks a fight. Third, I am thinking the friend is calling me back so I answer, didn't look at the caller id, it's the ex bf, he's in a rage. WTF, is exactly the thought that ran through my head last night. What did I do to deserve this. The stars were not aligned in my world. So needless to say, I was distraught, but tried to not let it get to me, no balance ball, but the walk was done.

Today, it's a new day, starting a new life. Tonight we hang out with friends, good friends, non judgmental ones to hear some good acoustic and well just be us. I can't wait until tonight. So relaxing.

Exciting times

Yesterday I got to meet Lorraine Bracco...WOW she is a great person, genuine and warm. Our company is currently distributing her wines and she came here to kick it off. What a great person she is.....

Other than that last night he came down and got the rest of the stuff. I didn't let on how this has affected me, but the mild depression I suffer from is creeping in. I'm journaling like crazy trying to mainstream it elsewhere and not take over, I truly hate when it happens. I'm defenseless against it and it truly sucks! I'm a mess this morning, makeup cannot fix the damage that my face endured last night, I popped in a claritin for swelling, eye covers in the freezer for swelling and well I'm going to try and make myself presentable here in a few. I feel good, so don't worry about that. I'm alot stronger mentally than I give myself credit for, but damn it feels bad to be rejected in a way that I just spent the better part of my life trying to get away from.

Somedays being human sucks, especially when you are a caring person.

Today the heat wave is over, well it's still going to be hot, but the humidity they promise will be lower. My electric bill will be thanking me for this!! as will my hair.

Speaking of hair, my color is growing out, maybe it's time for something new. Something a little more funky than my normal funky. I don't know, got to find the cash for this funkiness and then we'll go from there.

I ate well yesterday, no carb munching in times of need. I did have 1/2 of a smores but all in all I ate really well. Tonight I exercise, it's been a few days, I love my new balance ball, I can actually feel the difference right after I do the routines. Awesome.....

What an interesting way to start the week

Ok I'm tired, boned dead tired. It's my own fault out on a sunday night. Then I get a call today, dinner meeting...ok so off I go, had a great seafood dinner (again) lobster, shrimp, clams, mussels, and scallops...oh good god where did I put all the food. Let's just say it's still digesting hours later.

Work was busy, but not crazy. The boss is really cracking down, which I think is about time and great news. Some of the slackers are nervous as they should be, but I go in each and every day and give it my 110%, I'm not worried but you never know what will happen.

So we have four days left this week, the ex bf is coming down tomorrow to pickup his last of his stuff....and give me mine that I left at his house. Should be interesting since he won't talk with me unless it's through text messaging. Whatever!! Some people just don't know when to grow up.

So I'm off, ds1 wants to watch a movie and well I haven't really seen him since Thursday..

ciao have a great evening....

Back to the work week

The date was fabulous....we went to Havre de Grace, had a nice quiet little dinner in a cozy little place near the water....walked along the water afterward....

The worst was the traffic home, a 40 min ride turned into 1 1/2 hours long, at 11pm!!

I'm sleepy

more later

Sunday, sunday

It's another hot one here kids. The heat indices yesterday I believe had us around 105 today it's supposed to get to 110. How fun, 95 plus degrees and humidity....does a number on ones appearance for a date tonight.

Hmm you say, a date tonight, sure why not. It's a harmless dinner and drink....nothing gained nothing lost. Besides I've known this guy for a while, he's been asking me out regularly and well today I caved and said yes.

So I'm headed down my gf house so she can straighten my hair....hopefully it stays that way...and well hang out with the kidtill dinner. I did manage to wash the car and clean up the house somewhat today also, plus I got in a mile and 1/2 walk plus my ab workout on the balance ball and it's only 10 of 2, not to shabby for a Sunday.

Until tomorrow......

It's over

He has packed and left. I am truly amazed that through the process, even though it was short, I was not sad at all. No tears shed, so that tells me in my heart that is was already over. Sad that it is. He was verbally very mean, I too shall overcome that, because I know deep down I am not a mean, cold person. Sometimes people are just too different. Their differences do not mesh therefore they do not belong together. That is why they call it dating. Funny thing he said on the way out "Never call me again" while the whole time we were seeing one another he was like "Even if it doesn't work out, we'll always be friends". How quickly a leopard changes his spots.

So now I'm off to another chapter in my life. Once again, I feel freer than before, it's all a learning process.

tired again

I feel like I could sleep away the whole weekend again!

Doc visit went well, I'm maintaining which is great. We spoke in depth about my exercise and eating habits now, which the doc said would impact how I will do for the next six months before I go back. He said that the eating and exercise is the most important part of maintenance which i have to totally agree with him on. He also invited me to submit a before and after picture for their new website...how exciting is that.

We put in the a/c's and not a minute too soon, we are headed for a heatwave. 90+ degrees for the next week!! yuck. On the worse note, the humidity is still really weighing heavily on my chest, another reason why I feel I could sleep the week away. Did I exercise tonight? Nope, too sleepy, I opted for a mini nap which was rudely interrupted.

The man and I have alot of talking to do, I requested that he leave his pup at home this weekend, he should be down Sat sometime. I think it's do or die time, because frankly I'm tired of the turmoil. Another cold day for us today :(

On a bright note, I feel good....that's my bright note for today...life is good!

But I don't feel so good.

Back on the mend

From being so sick. The heat and humidity are coming and the humidity is keeping pressing down on my chest light weights but I'm surviving. Going to keep breaking this mess up so it doesn't come back and turn into something worse.

Having total personal issues. Somedays I think I am just not ready for a relationship, is this wrong or right I don't know but it's how I feel. I don't feel lonely or sad just lost in a big, big world out there. Trying to find out who I am and where do I fit in all of this mess.

Personal, professionally life is in turmoil. I've been utilizing most of my energies to my job and my kids so it really has left little time for the relationship. Maybe I'm just not ready. A gf at work commented yesterday after a phone call, who were you talking with. I asked why and she said it sounded like the stbxh but it was actually the bf I was speaking with. Scary to see that it has gotten to that point, I guess in a way I know the answer now to trudge through and do something about it.

Weight is up, I am not happy. I have a new exercise regimine. I bought a balance ball, bands and mat. I love it. I feel my muscles tightening with each move I make. I feel my strength gaining. IT's just that good.

Today is my 18 month check up. Anxious to see my labs based on how I have been feeling. Well I guess if I get ready I'll know sooner than later.

Until later.

Good lord where do I start

Ok, my son graduated from high school. We had a big bbq on memorial day weekend to celebrate.

I was sick from that Sunday night of Memorial day weekend through today, sinus infection - green ooze really bad cough...you get the picture

I finally got my bloodwork done for my 18 month appt this Thursday - and no I can't believe it's been 18 months either

I hooked up with an old friend last Thursday night - yes I went out when I wasn't feeling well and did myself no good

Slept all weekend away - in fact i was supposed to work theDover Nascar race for work and totally bagged on that - I believe i was up for like 8 hours the whole weekend

My son graduated 22 in his class of 371 - yes I'm bragging and being the proud mama

Summer has come on with a vengeance

Mike and I - well we've had our differences lately

My son's bff was the co-validitorian of his class

tomorrow is ds2 last day of school for the summer vacation - I still can't believe it

I've been so tired I haven't turned on the computer since I last blogged....so there is too much to catch up on....

For now, I will remain a hopeless/hopeful blogger and until I return......well

ciao