The Weight is Over...............

This is where I need to be...

2011-07-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

No matter where I am in my life, this where I need to be... I am a person who needs to put down in words what is going on in my life...I am slow at realizing this is the truth...so here is what is going on...

Last week, not so good, I had a few days of feeling ill, then Wed, I made the doctor appt before that I had racing heart and some anxiety, well it comes to be that I had a mild heart attack, I am coping with this illness, not so well, but it is my life now.. Thank goodness I gave notice to my second job, relieve a bit of stress. We went and saw some awesome apts today, so application will be put in and hopefully I will get to move in the next month. My life is topsy turvy at best but the whole heart attack thing has got me on a pause. I did WAY too much yesterday, came home, slept and then was so shaky. Not sure how I will manage the eight hours tomorrow but I will put my best foot forward as always....

I am scared, I have never had anything so severe happen to me in my life, I have one son who is 100% reliant on me and I can't bear the thought of not being there for him, yet alone leaving my oldest. I don't know where my future leads, but it's hard. The bypass has left me with them saying I don't eat enough...I have lost 18lbs since May when I say my family doc last, its scary, but I again don't know what else to do, I am trying my best each and every day, but it seems not enough..... so yes this is my release to put it all out there.

On a brighter note, James, a dear friend and maybe you can consider bf has been wonderful, three jobs he has and he has been there for me more than once this week, he is my rock....I just feel like I need something to hold on to....silly, stupid but is how I feel right now...I have my best girl, she knows who she is, but the many miles put us in position to not spend quality time, I love her no less just wish we were closer. My life is a puzzle, each day reveals a new piece, not sure I always to play....

Life and it's many twists and turns.....

2011-07-14T10:13:00.000-05:00

The past two weeks have been a up and down rollercoaster ride with many twists and turns. Many highs and many lows, but I am coming out of it in one piece. First off, giving notice to the job #2, it has served it's purpose and I need me back. So not too much longer. Secondly, found out an old bf and still friend passed end of June. That was shocking and very sad to me, kind of made me take a pause and think about my life and where I want to be. We were two weeks apart in age....so many changes are occuring right now in my life. Third, I have no time to look for places to live because I am ALWAYS working, we are changing that!!

So, we had the friend crab feast last weekend, Saturday, what a great time. It is always great to see all my friends, and with no softball and little get togethers this year it was a welcome relief in my busy life. I had met a guy, but for whatever reason that didn't seem to work out....the other one in my life, well I am going to keep him around for a bit and see how things work out..lol I am off this weekend, tomorrow we go to Baltimore for the afternoon and evening, Saturday, family reunion. It's going to be a beautiful weekend and I can't wait to see old family and hang with friends.

Work, is work always busy and crazy....that about sums up my last two weeks....I will try to be more diligent, this is really a great tool for me

A different type of holiday.............

2011-07-05T21:19:00.000-05:00

It started out on a great foot, I thought WOW, I am really going to end up having a great time, in the end not so much....just the same old and work....I am unenchanted.

Tonight I had a talk with AJ, I always really enjoyed being with him, but his distance and all lately has put me off, he claims he has given me time to figure things out, seriously I am more upset than happy with that response.

Tonight is definitely not a good night, coming off a weekend of celebration for our country, and I am less than satisfied about everything...life, how the US is running this great country, the "verdict" today, I want so much to be a believer in this country and everything it and we represent but seriously I am having issue with that right now.

I am just not a happy girl right ...................

TGIF and happy holiday weekend!!

2011-07-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

Honestly, I can't believe the fourth of July weekend is upon us already!! Where does the time go!! I know I have been busy, working and just trying to keep up with life in general but WOW it's July!

Last night was another work night, nothing unusual, but it ended with a great date and lack of sleep for me today is insane. Ok, so now I will back up a little. I have a rule, no dating people I work with, golden rule so things don't get messy if it doesn't work out. I have for years kept tried and true to this rule and didn't really break it, but I have. There is a guy at job 2 that I like, but given said rule I never acted on it. Well then he tells me, "I have gotten a new job and will be leaving soon" so ok.... I start thinking maybe then I will go on a date and see what happens, so we do. Well then he said new job may not last through winter months so he rearranges his work schedule at the job we share and now he's staying, so I have broken the rule. Well we talk, alot and he's sweet. Will bring me flowers or something to work, always thoughtful the whole nine yards. I really haven't let anyone in my heart since it was shattered last summer, sure I have dated and I think out of loneliness more than wanting a boyfriend. So anyhow, here we are in the situation, we are still working together, went out after work on an awesome date, I have like 2 hours of sleep under my belt today and am so happy, but feel torn. I believe being the adults we are can make this work, I don't think long term I will remain at this job so that can work, but for now I really don't want this out for public consumption (as this work tends to be like a big high school with gossip). So all that said, confusing or not, here I am....big smile, little sleep and I really feel connected again to someone for the first time in a long time. Now the baby steps of dating, getting to know one another and having fun (as my bff will tell me over and over!!) lol

On the homefront, things are well hopefully moving forward, going to see yet another place next week, Monday...fingers crossed for me as I need to get out!! But for now, life is good, no lets correct that life is great....

I have lost alot in my life, and it's not only the weight..................

2011-06-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

I have lost so many things along my way in this life, my grandma, whom I loved to her death at 96. My marriages, which I had tried so much to make happen. My oldest son, who decided to go live with his father. But the one thing I have not lost (or at least lately) is me. I think I lost a bit in my marriage, ok maybe alot, but that's not the point. The point is each of us needs to be an individual. Where is this new blog going, you may ask because I know I am all over the place, but it's me, it's my feelings and thoughts at this point in time, so.....

Anyhow, the night before last I set down and wrote a few things that I expect to happen in my future, and if they don't I will keep looking until they do.....so here goes....

I call this I'm the girl who....here we go

I'm the girl who will put my head on your shoulder, not because I'm sleepy but because I want to be closer to you

I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than in your bedroom or and out in public

I'm the girl who says, "Ok you owe me..." but not because I want something, but because it means I get to spend time with you

I'm the girl who you can take absolutely anywhere and I will (at least try) to enjoy myself because I can spend time with you

I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like, I want to spend the evening curled up in their arms

I'm the girl who never forgets all the sweet things you do for me

I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss

I'm the girl who you can talk with about anything

I'm the girl who will have many inside jokes with you and will remember each one

I'm the girl who will brag about you to all my friends

I'm the girl who will listen to you talk

I'm the girl who will who loves it when you hug me for no reason

I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason, other than you want to

I'm the girl who loves when you kiss me on the forehead or hugs me from behind for no apparant reason

I'm the girl who loves you for you, and doesn't care what people say about us

I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend

I'm the girl who loves when you take my hand to hold for no reason at all

I'm the girl who loves you to play with my hair

I'm the girl who never gives up hope even when I tell others I have

I'm the girl who, once I let you in my heart, will always have a place there with your name on it. And even if we spend time apart, I'm a girl that will never forget you

I'm the girl who loves seeing that sparkle in your eyes which lets me know that you feel the same way about me that I do about you

So now I have bared my soul and thoughts and I am glad it's down somewhere never to be forgotten, because I won't forget!

I tried this the other day, but.............

2011-06-28T07:50:00.000-05:00

It never got started for that matter, so here we are on Tuesday. After a full weekend of work, a stomach bug (thinking food poisoning) and not much else I am here, alive....feeling it barely. lol

Had a full weekend of work, not too busy there as the busy season is winding down with the approach of the 4th of July holiday. I have had my hours cut back some recently, only to find out they are ramping them up now for my future, not sure what that is about, but the paycheck is nice :)

Had to work last night, of course last minute customers kept us there way too late and by the time I got home, I crashed....hard. Of course I had a miserable time waking up this a.m. but managed to get my lazy butt out of bed and ready for work and on time :) Tonight I am off, have to get the piles of laundry done as I am out of clothes, well at least what I like to wear. lol I am exhausted today, hoping it subsides shortly as the day moves on, the oppressive humidity isn't helping either as I feel like a bowling ball is lodged on top of my head pushing down hard. This is the part of living here that I dislike the most. Hopefully the sun will burn it off sooner than later and I will get some relief.

So last week I spoke of exercise, which is still non existant in my life, but my eating habits, I have taken back control and am doing well with, no more snacking and eating late at night, that is the worst thing I have had to deal with. It does help immensely so I don't feel uncomfortable overnight. Hopefully soon I will find my motivation to exercise as I really, really want to get back in that habit.

Upcoming holiday weekend is rapidly approaching, usually I would be heading to the beach for an extended weekend, but alas I am working. ALL weekend long. If it weren't for the great peeps I work with I am sure I would not want to do it, but things have definitely shifted in my life, so I am more accepting of circumstances I cannot control.

Had a call from a friend of mine last week, mid 30's and he has stomach cancer, of course when they did the biopsy it's the worst form, so he has a long road again. I have a feeling another friend of mine, who called me yesterday is going to give some bad news also :( It's so sad, these guys are both too young for this.

Work is busy, we are in our second biggest week of the year this week, as alot of our suppliers are ending their fiscals and the 30th is our second largest sales day of the year behing the 31st of Dec. So with that said, I am off to get some work done...lol

When it rains, it pours.......

2011-06-25T17:16:00.000-05:00

Last night I was home early, to bed early (or at least I tried) because I had to be at THD today at 7.....well it seems like more than one of the ex bf's decided last night was a great night to get in touch. I count, at the end of the day, 4 of them text or called me last, so what is up with that, and seriously why haven't you moved on! I have!!!

So anyhow, yes I came home last night after running a million errands after work for fresh fruit and veggies, ordered out a semi-healthy meal, ate and crashed. Up today at 4am, in to work early and the best part, out EARLY!! I actually drove home in hot sunshine and beautiful weather, windows down and sunroof wide open!!! So here I am, home, relaxing enjoying the rest of this beautiful day!

Tomorrow, back at 8 in...and then I will be done til Tues night. Sometimes these weekends really take their toll on me, my personal life is pretty much non-existant anymore because I can't roll with the friends and be at work at the same time. So I guess, yes things are different...

I was supposed to hook up with an old friend tonight, and guess what I am tired....geesh I can't believe I just wrote that...so off to grill some dinner and see what happens tonight.

Almost the end of the week

2011-06-23T11:03:00.000-05:00

Here we are Thursday already! Where has this week gone?? Been really busy at home and work. A/C at home is broken, was able to borrow two units from a friend yesterday for my and the boy's room, so last night we both got to sleep in comfort!! yeah....it was a cooker in there, hot, humid and nasty with no breeze and everything just stagnant! To wake up to the cool was heavenly!

Work is tonight, can't complain only second night this week..lol of course I never complain when the cash is rolling in!! tomorrow night some folks from work and me will be going to happy hour, it's alot of fun and a good way to end the work week. Saturday on the other hand is up early, early to be at work at 7!! I will be in bed early tomorrow night!! Sunday regular shift, so all in all not too shabby.

Hoping to get back on track with my exercise, I have been a total slacker in that dept since starting the second job. I really feel I need to get myself into some sort of routine with this once again, I would probably feel better...lol

Eating is good, I still after all this time can't really put that many bites into my belly, so that is good....keeping the feeling full quick has helped alot in the maintenance. So now to get back on track with the exercise and all will be good.

Have quite a busy social life coming up in July too, very excited for a family reunion, it will give us all a positive note to see our relatives, instead of the funerals we had been enduring the past few years. Never a happy time to catch up with everyone! My understanding is a few out of state relatives are also going to be able to make it up, which is very good news. Also, friends are hosting a Crab Feast. That will also be a great way to catch up with alot of friends and the kids too. It's always a great party at their home and they are gracious enough to allow us all to come and take over! lol

The boy is entering into 11th grade this coming up fall. He has really grown into quite a nice young man. Still playing guitar and is making alot of headway with it. He writes his own songs now also, it's really nice that he has that outlet when things aren't always going his way! The other son, well he's a different story right now, not on a positive note, so we'll just leave it at that for now.

Still on the search for a place to live, it seems like this process is long and drawn out compared to before, but of course i am putting big restrictions on where we live plus we have the dog and alot of places do not allow pets of any type.

Work is getting better in the day job, it was really rocky there for a spell and I think things are smoothing out nicely. That makes me happy!!

Ok, going to see what other types of things I can get into for the weekend and I'll post again soon!

2011-06-21T12:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Tuesday all.....had a late morning today. Off to the allergist to see how the meds are working. Currently on a concoction of allergy drops (like shots), a nebulizer and antibiotic. So far it seems to be working fine, but today being a very hazy, high humidity and low pressure, my eyes were swollen, coughing when I walked into the office and they thought I was not doing well at all with the meds. The allergist called in my ENT, who promptly sent me down for a CTScan, it shows still alot of blockage on the left side of my face, but the meds seem to work really for me (I think) so I requested to stay on them at least for the next month. They agreed, although I am not sure they were pleased, so let's hope next month holds more promising news!!

Worked last night, was a relatively quiet night as things go, had a good talk with someone after work, alot of questions from me and well not so many answers as I was hoping for.....I never understand, they ask and ask and want answers but you ask a question and they dart and dodge to give an answer!! lol my life

Off tonight and tomorrow, so I am looking forward to some really great down time as it is always good to recharge these old batteries of mine! Wishing I were down at the beach right now, but alas bills must be paid, so speaking of that I must get back at it......until later

Mondays......

2011-06-20T14:50:00.000-05:00

We made it back from the beach in one piece. Yes, after work on Saturday night we drove down, dog, boy and me. Was looking forward to a nice day off on Sunday spent with some family and friends, and that is what I got. Not too long after I got down there I was out like a light, this is what happens when I work outside in the hot, sun from 9 to 6..lol I did manage to wake up in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday and post that...while watching the Notebook one more time!! I never get sick of that movie.

I was awoken at 7am, by a text message from a friend, he is a good guy and always has my back. I am lucky to have him in my life. So after we actually talked on the phone a bit, I got up and started getting the food ready with mom for the day. We spent the better part of Sunday outside on the bay, brought blankets, grills, tons of food and drinks and the jetskis and enjoyed the day. We actually had the dog on the jetski and mom took pictures. She said his tail was wagging the whole time!! silly doggie!! We all got alot of sun, had a great day with friends and family and those who we met there. I went back to mom's place took a nap and headed up last night because this a.m. they were calling for heavy rains and I didn't feel like making the trip up in the rain :(

So here we are! Monday, it's late afternoon and I am pumped and ready for this week. Work tonight, then off there til Thursday!! I actually will get some pool time in on Tues and Wed after work, gotta clean up my stuff and get some laundry done but other than that it's going to be a great week. Got a suprise at work and someone came to take me to lunch it ended up being a picnic lunch, with greek salad and grilled chicken, even remembered the blanket and it was a nice time! Suprises are nice, especially when I never expect them!

tootles for now....

The middle of.....

2011-06-19T02:01:00.000-05:00

well yes, it is the middle of the night, but I have come off a Friday night and all day work schedule. No internet, no interaction with anyone on the cyber world....that is the Home Depot...lol Yes I worked last night and back in early today for a whole day of work. I have no access of internet and when I am done, well, I am done!

Just finished watching The Notebook, for I have no clue how many times I have watched this movie. The love story between Noah and Ally, well it is hopeful and actually something many will ache for. Me, I think maybe I will never get a chance again? Not sure, and I really hope I am wrong, but right now that is how I feel.

Today was definitely interesting, not sure what tomorrow brings.
I think maybe sometimes, well ok maybe alot of times I think too much about this, look too deep into this but it's just how I feel.

Thursdays are for..........

2011-06-16T08:19:00.000-05:00

Hopefully relaxing and getting all this work done that needs to get done. Thursday's always seem to be problem days here at work, and I have hit the ground running today!

No work last night or tonight, which is a blessing in disguise! I didn't get alot of quality sleep last night, but I did sleep. Oh, wait I need to back up. In the last year or so, my sleep has been less than adequate, in fact I sleep less and less it seems. I've been to the doctor, he just feels that is all my body needs, I do not appear or feel very tired throughout the day, so I guess that is it. My problem is that I get in the pattern of falling asleep for a couple of hours, then I am up for a couple and back asleep until time to work, of course some of the days I wake up at 4am, so in theory I need to stay up for the work day, those are the days I am tired. I usually do it for a week or two, then get one good nights sleep then back to the old pattern. It's crazy and sometimes makes me feel horrible, but it is a part of the new life I am leading right now. Last night I first feel asleep around 10pm, was up at 11 then up and down all night. Thank goodness though because our power went out somewhere between 4am - 6am and since I wake up, I was able to get up and get ready for work!

Exercise - another reason I love Thursdays!! When I am off I go to the deep heat yoga class! It is awesome, even in the summer heat. They heat the room up to 105 degrees and we do yoga, your body is sweating and limber and stretching and you leave feeling almost the same as a massage! So that is tonight!!

So back to my day and hopefully it will be somewhat of a peaceful one!

Middle of the week.....middle of some thoughts.......

2011-06-15T10:38:00.000-05:00

One of the main reasons for resuming my blog is to put my thoughts out there, as if on paper for me to come back and review in the future. I have had alot of things swimming in my head for so long and they are all jumbled and tangled and I have made not alot of sense of much of it.

I have in the past, contemplated moving. Just picking up and starting over. That notion was put to bed awhile ago when the financial status of the US bottomed out. I could not afford to not have this job or the health and other benefits that come along with it, so I squashed it. Well in the last few weeks things here at work have me at full circle almost with the notion creeping back in my mind. I have been so far, unsuccessful in finding a suitable place for us to move, plus a situation (that is pretty sever) has occurred here at work. I am not going to get into details of that right now, but probably will in the future. So it begins again, do I stay or do I go??

Another thing I have had put alot of thought into is my personal life. Really since Feb of this year, I do not have a personal life! I work, work again sometimes and then come home either fall exhausted into bed or get some chores done and then go to sleep. LOL Fun life I have been leading lately huh! It is enabling me to save up some money for the move or whatever. So personal life = non existance. I would love to try and remedy that somewhat but not really sure if this is the time to do so. When I do get a rare opportunity to go out, it's with friends and all pre-arranged, but more times than not I have to decline invitations.

Work today, suprisingly so far is pleasant. Yesterday, not so much. I have the up and down mood swing personality of a boss, so like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, you never know what you will get!

It's beautiful weatherwise too! Mid 80's, sunny, very low humidity....life doesn't get much better than that.

When you thought things were getting better............

2011-06-14T06:09:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought things could possibly get better in our living situation the girl I live with flipped a lid. Seriously, she is so high strung and she barges in on you when your door is closed. She asked me why my son locks his room and I told her this, she claimed she never barges in so I called him down and when confronted once again, she neither confirmed nor denied. I really can't wait to be out of here, it's not a healthy place. Her niece has already left, to live with her father in Germany because of the treatment she received. It's just horrible.

So today is a new day, deep breath and let's get it rolling. It's beautiful, cool and sunny outside for now, but alas by the end of the day it will be rainy. Tonight is a work night so I will be back later.

Hoping for an uneventful day.

Ok....let's try a new approach

2011-06-13T22:03:00.000-05:00

I have found that I need a forum to write. Whether it be a vent, or an update or just nothing much about nothing. So here I am, almost what a year, year and a half later. My blog still gets alot of traffic, so I hope that those of you out there reading are finding some very informative things.

Me, my life is in a current state of limbo right now. We sold the house last year, moved out in August and I have yet to find a suitable place to call our new home. We are currently staying with a friend (let me tell you, you really don't know someone until you live with them!! lol) and let's say times are trying at some points, but we are managing and surviving. I did put a bid in this week on a new place, so fingers crossed someone else isn't going to snatch it out from under me!! I have spent most of my waking hours either working the day job, or working the night job (which is new since I have left here) or looking for a place to move, or just sleeping and surviving. Living without your things, well let's just say this, It Sucks!! I have some items, but overall I feel uncomfortable and in the last two months have been made to feel very unwelcome here all the time. The solace is that I have all I need in my living area, which is very private and that is a plus!!

So, more about what is going on....let's see I have dated a few guys, absolutely nothing serious as I have no "real" time to devote to any type of relationship, however, I did meet a guy who I work with at job 2 and we hit it off. He is actually leaving the company soon, so maybe in the future there may be some dating again..lol I have one golden rule, I never, ever date anyone I work with, irregardless of the situation. Anyhow, other than that life has been pretty uneventful. Son #2 has now completed 10th grade, so two more years and he will be done school. Son #1 has become somewhat of a disappointment as he has moved to Nebraska with his father and has decided not to attend college, yet again. There have been some serious health issues with a few of us family members this year, me included. Found out I am allergic to almost everything under the sun, hence the chronic sinus infections I had been getting the last few years. I am now on a regulated dose of meds to help curb it, and so far, knock on wood it is working!!

I also managed another milestone of turning 47 last month! My family is having a family reunion next month, which I am very excited for....I am maintaining still, and this November is five years out!!

Enough for tonight, I want to get some thoughts together. Promises that I will not disappear into thin air again, as this is always a good forum for me to put things out there and help myself.

A new beginning....

2010-02-22T12:52:00.001-05:00

Because I just missed you all terribly and couldn't keep away, we now start part II

http://michellejourneyparttwo.blogspot.com

Come visit, say hi and I miss you all :)

Life, Part 2

2009-11-06T20:52:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am here, my life has taken on a whole new entity upon itself. I am not that girl, who started this blog. I know, I know you say whatever. I have thought long and hard about this and well, it's time. I will keep the blog active, for now. Eventually it is going to archive itself into, well oblivion since I am sure that there is such much more useful information out there than what I am providing now or in the past year.

Did I ever think it would come to this? To be brutally honest, NO. I never thought I would succeed with the whole WLS, the fat girl in me was thinking that at the time. Not only have I succeeded but I am two short weeks from three years out from surgery and two years out from goal. I am still maintaining and happy with that. I have found that my life now does not mirror my life prior and that is the long term goal, to make changes and healthy ones at that! I am happy, although so much has changed in my life. Who would have thought that the overweight girl who started this blog would be a whole different person in just three short years. Although to me it seems life a lifetime, it is only three years! I have my health, my kids and my happiness. I am a better person now than I ever was in the past, and for that I thank the process which I went through to get to this place.

So unfortunately with this I bid adieu......I am around, in various places and forums, but just not here no longer. This life, the one that started this blog is no longer here.. she is a ghost of the past and one that has learned alot and hopefully helped alot of people along the way, but she is gone.

I am thankful for all those that went before me and all those that will follow in my footsteps. It is not always an easy road, but a fulfilling one, that is full of fun and challenges but in the long run makes you a better person (healthy) and that is the goal we are all here to obtain.

I will keep this open for a short while, then it will be lights out....for those who want to remain in contact, let me know...for the rest of you...well I will see you on FB!! lol

Thank you and goodnight!

Yes A million years since I've been here and a Million miles I have gone....

2009-10-29T21:03:00.002-05:00

Geez I don't know where to even start with this. I have been absent. MISERABLY... Is this what happens, 3 years post op, 2 years divorced....new life, new style and blogging just doesnt' fit...wow I never thought it would come to this.. I am totally thinking that it is time to branch out with a new blog, something me a little more now and not so much then...of course we will link for those pre-op but I think most who follow are post op...I am opening this up to comments, suggestions, or a simple sod off at this point...

I have been doing well, met a new guy, Mike....he has a farm up from me, spending most of my time there....limited internet access..(of course that would change if I lived there..lol) anyhow, I am happy, I ride most weekends, walk alot, and I mean ALOT...I enjoy this country living and the hour commute to work...so...that is where I am at ...I know not so much, but those who know me can catch up on facebook or just email me...I am more agressive in those forums right now...and I have to say thanks for all who read...beacause I think this blog is coming to an end soon.....

Do you remember me..........

2009-09-24T05:28:00.002-05:00

the one who became absent and then totally didn't blog now for over a month! That would be me, the girl who started this blog over 3 years ago and now has reduced her posting to FB!! gah!!

So here I am. Prodded by an email I received, but yes it was time to get back to my blog. Geez my summer flipflops are still my background and we have welcomed autumn into our lives here!

So where do I begin, who knows, so this may be scattered and fragmented....please bear with me.

In August, I went on vacation to the beach, ended up sick with strep and bronchitis. I was on meds for over two weeks and it took quite a while for recovery. I did heal only to find out that a position was never posted at work for a job I was hoping to apply for. They brought someone in the from the outside and well realistically my life has turned upside down. I was bitter and angry about this for a while, but I am moving past that now.

My boys have both celebrated another year of life this month! I am so proud of both of them and they are growing up to be fine young men.

My youngest has entered high school, he loves it! He loves his classes and all the new and old friends he has there!

I have met a new guy, he's a keeper, we are having a great time, and I enjoy being with him alot! We get to spend time together when we can because of our schedules, but they are quality time.

Have taken some other vacation time off also, days here and there, clearing out my house. I think I need to sell and move on at this point because its getting too much for me to handle the things that are going on with it. But then again, I am not sure I will be able to sell for a fair price, so I have been doing some homework on that.

Lastly, I have a UTI this week which comes with complications, so I am once again recovering. I have found that with the WLS and illness (other than common colds) I seem to be sicker than normal, not sure if it related, but I will say it has crossed my mind more than once this past year. I have broached this with the doctor and he is monitoring this so we'll see.....

with this I hope to be in here more often, it's Thursday almost the weekend and I can't wait till 5pm tomorrow! lol

I've been absent

2009-08-18T05:43:00.002-05:00

with good and not so good cause. There are still issues out there I am dealing wth, on top of it all I took a few days vacation and ended up with strep :(

I am a week out from the visit to the doc and still feel like crap, so the meds are gone and I am still sick. Another call today for more meds.

I am getting my head clear so I have much to share, just not sure I am ready to put it out there yet....

Middle of the week and there are alot of doubts

2009-08-05T05:37:00.002-05:00

about where I will be in my life and career soon. A big bombshell was given at work yesterday, even though my boss called and gave me a days notice, it didn't take the sting and humiliation out of the email that was sent out yesterday.

I am coping, dealing with this sh*t that was handed to me, without explanation or even a chance to advance.

Tomorrow, boss is back, the list is written and the meeting will commence...until then...I've been silent and will remain so again.

Friday night, in the park, thinking of the 4th of July

2009-07-31T20:29:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I modified the words a teeny bit!! lol

It is Friday night, I have had a quick nap and now I am up, I was worried that Iwould not fall back asleep but I am tired. Tomrrow, early, we head for the beach, son, girlfriend and dog in tow! for the weekend. I am excited to have cofffee on the beach at 6am with the dog playing in the water on Sunday. I need a beach day, some down time to reevaluate what is going on in my life.

The boy (youngest) is back in school in about 4 weeks, I know he has totally enjoyed his summer, but it's coming to a quick end for him!

life is good for me, and him....we are off to beach in the early morning!!

Neglected

2009-07-29T19:01:00.003-05:00

That is the only word I can think that this blog thinks at this particular moment! Me, on the other hand, overly busy.

I am single as the day is long, that is a new statement in my vocabulary, but one that I must adhere by to get myself through the days and weeks ahead, because we have a new acquisition and it positions me to catapult my career into the place I want to be....so I need to focus! I have been working longer than normal days, much to the dismay of my younger son. I have been absent from homelife all around for a bit, because I lack the energy to do anything but cook a good meal once I get home, but the reward will be threefold to me, my family and my career. In a day and age where most people are losing jobs, I have this opportunity to catapult mine and I am going to do everything I can to do this, I am a very motivated person and I would love to see my self succeed at this! Ok, enough gloating about me!

My son is down to a mechanical prosthetis...ok that may not be exactly the right way to put that but the cast is off, he has a uber cool brace on his leg and is able to enjoy the rest of his summer, swimming included!! He has recovered so well, I'm very proud of him, but worry that his enthusiam will reinjure himself!

Me, I am maintaining, a grand 136 today....I hardly look at the scale anymore and I am still doing my slim in 6...it is really a great, sweaty, EASY workout but she kicks your ass and you feel it the next day....my clothes are fitting better once again and I feel better about myself...ok that is really a crazy thing to say because in my past life I would never have said that...lol

I am working too many hours though and they are really taking their toll, I want to get into the Inventory Mgmt field and this is my opportunity so I am going to ride it out and see what happens. What I have found out though is I have so many friends in the industry along with my personal friends who think I am doing a great job, well balanced is the word I hear alot...although I don't always feel that way, I am glad it is all coming down to that!! so please between you and me let them think that for now!

What else, I have no clue...I just passed my 32 months out since surgery....does that even calculate with you because it seems like a distant dream to me....today at work I wore a size 6 suit, very finely tailored that I picked up at a second hand store....with a smart shirt for our meetings all day...and I felt like more than a million bucks...no wonder I always envied the skinnier girls in the past for their choice of fashion because today totally suited me!! ok no pun intended... I had a old friend/supplier rep come in, he has not seen me in person since the transformation so to speak, he was in awe, same age and he was like you are gorgeous!! talk about some comments that make your day, especially since it was bound to be stressful.

Anyhow, enough of me, life is grand, we are spending all weekends from now til the end of Oct at the beach...and I say AMEN to that, coffee and peace and silence with my poochy (cole) on the beach at 6am and I am a happy girl!!

So in essence I am not dating, so if you followed for that give it up...lol because I have! well for a while at least and I'm leading the boring life for a spell.

Neglected? does this mean I am out there living my life and have no time for my cyber friends.....if so I mean no harm because I love you all, but life is good right now!

Where have I been?

2009-07-28T05:26:00.002-05:00

I didn't realize it's been over a week since I have been here. So much is going on, went on and still in process.

I have been good, crazy busy, and altogether feeling like I am losing my mind!

A few quick bullets and I'll be back later with more:

xh wants to move back here (wtf!!)
the boy is out of his cast
the girls and I hung out all weekend
I was actually in my house all weekend
I slept in on Sunday til I woke ~ can't rememer the last time I did that
work is getting busy ~ we were awarded a whole line
a friend is coming to visit this weekend for a while
I'm losing my tan :(

So that is it for now...back with more later

What a great weekend....

2009-07-19T19:06:00.004-05:00

We went up to NY yesterday and got on the boat right on time...stopped on the way and had breakfast and really just enjoyed the day...see left. It was a glorious day on the Hudson and the weather was beautiful, mid 80's, sunny and just perfect. Met alot of great people, and just enjoyed the day, got some sun to enhance the tan that I have been working on all summer so far. I was able to meet a few people that I have emailed (work wise) and it was great to put a face to name after all these years. Last night we stayed up there, had a great dinner. There ended up being six of us in our party and a day on the boat, catching up with old friends and new friends and just enjoying. We had a grea dinner at an Italian eatery, very nice and fancy and we all shared, which I always find so enjoyable since all in all I don't eat much. We laughed and talked and sang, yes some singing was involved, got the waiters all involved and moved back to hotel where I promptly dropped into bed. Up early, the best part was to open the blinds and see the NYC skyline out there in front of me and down for coffee and

light breatkfast before heading back home. The trip home was good, uneventful which is always good and to a birthday bbq...I am home tonight, alone, which is good. Some R&R after a simply wonderful weekend and regrouping for the work week ahead of me. Of course there was no exercise, eating was great, because of all the good food, but not outrageous and I ended up with new friends...what more can a girl ask for????

New routine

2009-07-16T05:33:00.002-05:00

recently I succumbed to the ad on tv for the Slim in 6 from Beachbody. I am always looking for new routines for my workout, because I get stale on the same old, same old. Plus it is proven to mix it up, keeps you exercising. So I bought the slim in 6, I am 1/2 way through my first week with the program and let me tell you it's kicking my butt. For a mere 30 minutes it will make you sweat, firm you up and the whole time you don't feel like you are over exerting yourself! I hope after the six weeks that I see some results, but I am not holding my breath because of all the excess skin from losing the weight in certain areas but I am hopeful it may firm some of it up! I also noticed something about the instructor who is in great shape, she has batwings!! I got the biggest smile on my face, because yes, there it was for the world to see!! I have not been sore the next day after these workouts either, which is a great plus, because I am getting the benefit of the workout without the burnout the next day! Six days a week for 30 min is not too much for a better body, and I love her stretching routine, makes me really feel good afterward!

The middle of the week again

2009-07-15T05:39:00.001-05:00

And I have had a little peace in my life with the routine of work, dinner, exercise, clean up and then some R&R with the son. It's good to have routine although I tend to really mix it up most weekends!

Yesterday I got a suprise text from M, he borrowed someone else's phone (so yes P, you win the $15 are yours lol) I just couldn't believe the unmitigated gall of him trying to contact me after I repeatedly ask he not. I really just think men are hardwired so much differently than women and I am not sure I am willing to put up with that just yet!

Work is good, busy and ever evolving but that is for the good of all of us! Willingness to evolve means we will continue working!

DS2 is getting itchy, so the healing has really begun, we've given him a yardstick so he can try to access the itches...I told him not to be too forceful or he'll break it off in there and that could mean problems again!

Other than that, the heat and humidity are going to make their appearance, we have really been lucky with quite mild weather for summer so far and I have fully enjoyed it!

Decisions are made and they are both in......

2009-07-13T19:09:00.003-05:00

for my upcoming weekend I asked my gf Heather to join me....she said yes and it is going to be a great girl/relaxing weekend. Plus we get to catch up because we are always trying to catch up and hang out for a few hours and it never happens!! I'm really excited for this.

Ok, for Nascar in Bristol....I chose my friend Rick. Why, because he's my friend, he's 6'4 (body guard material..lol) and he loves nascar....plus he's been through some shit with me when I break up with guys. I told him a nice dinner out one night would be great, don't get any funny ideas while on the trip!! lol He's actually over the moon about this whole adventure, because apparently that weekend is the biggest in Nascar circuit..the original Sat night race. Who would have known!! Obviously not me. I am trying to see if we are going to be close enough to visit any cool places, not likely but it will try. Anyhow, I am excited I have a plan with two great friends and well we are back at work for another fun filled week!

Weather is perfect for mid July (no a/c yet) and I am enjoying life...of course my house is wreck and no wash is done, someone really needs to go grocery shopping. I think I need a personal assistant, if only I won the powerball then all would be redeemed!!

OMG it's Sunday night.....

2009-07-12T19:30:00.003-05:00

What a fun and exhausting weekend I had. At the last minute Friday night, like 7pm mom called the friends opted not to stay so we packed up the car and headed for the shore. Woke up bright and early Sat morning had my coffee and walk on the shoreline, sat in the sand and watched the sun rise and brought some zen back into my life. I did a short yoga routine (I always watch them doing it on the beach so I figured why not) it was great, the sand actually allowed me to really dig in and feel the movements. So Sat was spent with DS2/gf/me/mom and her bf on the shore. We wheeled Ds2 down and he had a great time. I did too, the wind was a little too much but overall it was a great day. After the beach I took mom to one of the infamous bars as it was Sat 5pm jam and one of my buddy bands was playing, so she and I went and she met the boys. They loved her as always :) We had a few drinks, listened to them play and wished them a goodnight. As we actually arrived at the place, my gf up here text me they were going out to see another buddy band that night around 10-10:30, so we packed up the car again and headed home. GF had to be home by 9pm so that gave me time to shower, freshen up and head out. Spent a wonderful evening out with more friends and fell exhausted into bed last night.

I had a hard time getting up today also, but I finally managed it, went with a friend and we walked the dogs at the park and talked and caught up for about an hour while having some coffee. Then home, I still had no motivation, but managed to talk ds2 into going to the pool. So I worked on my tan some more. I'm exhausted, exhilerated and had a totally wonderful and relaxing weekend!

Now, back to our regularly programed show....work tomorrow :(

But the upside....next weekend is the boat trip!!

Change of plan and it's all good....

2009-07-10T20:31:00.002-05:00

Mom had some friends in her condo at the beach this week, they asked if they could stay for the weekend so she called me at work today. Sure, why not, they are from the mid states region and I am sure they don't get quite enough beach time as we do, so we are here home tonight. A book I had ordered came in tonight at Borders so I went and picked it up. I also found out today at work today that I have won a trip to Nascar in Bristol, TN next month. Now don't get me wrong, I have no clue about Nascar, but I am up for a trip to a new place that I have never been before, plus I get to bring a friend..hmmmm I will dig deep on this one!!! I have a few Nascar friendly friends here in mind, but we'll see who's worthy of an all expense weekend in Bristol, TN ...lol Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends, but it seems like friend I didn't even know I had come out of the woodwork when these things happen!

Next weekend, we are off to NYC....again, I need to find someone to accompany me, and I have been wracking my brain over this all day. I hate to ask someone at the last minute, but I think in numbers it will be that much more fun!!

Tomorrow we have decided to drive to the beach for the day, we are packed and ready to go, so now just a good nights rest and some sun and fun tomorrow and maybe a good seafood dinner on the way home!!

I made it to the Y today too, weights, I did the whole circuit, I am quite sure I will also feel this tomorrow too!! lol

As for M, yes he and I are over, but in his mind I guess he thinks not, I had to finally block his number on my phone today because he keeps calling and texting....I just don't get men, and at this point, well I don't want tooo.....lol

Friday and the weekend is here........

2009-07-10T05:36:00.002-05:00

It's going to be a great weekend weather wise, I am hoping to have ds2 and myself on the road by 7pm headed down to the beach. I am packed, have my gym stuff in the car too for a quickie workout after work. Yes, I am putting my priority back in my life of exercise! It really has helped me through all that has been going on. Of course it doesn't mean I'm happy about the way this has turned out, but it is what it is Of course, he did text me yesterday, unbelievable was my opinion on that one. I have no idea why they always continue to self-medicate because maybe they feel a little bad about how they treated me. A simple sorry, or honesty up front would have been alot better. Anyhow, it's over, there is no turning back for me. But on an unhappy note, now I am single for the big boat trip next weekend. I do have a few friends Iam considering to ask to tag along, it's going to be a great trip as always down the Hudson River into NYC and by the Statue of Liberty, followed by a great dinner that night overlooking the NYC skyline and a sleepover!!

So with this I am off to work, I have alot to do today and we have alot of people coming in too!!

Enjoy the day and the weekend!

No more

2009-07-09T05:27:00.002-05:00

dating for me for quite a while. Last night was such an eye opening experience of how one person who you think maybe you might a small clue about shows you that you really have no clue at all. He never called, text or nothing. Finally I just ended up doing something I hate and showed up at his house for MY things. I got the attitude and the words to go with it. I really didn't want to go into the whole tirade but he kept pushing. I didn't get too upset, although a little. I was madder than ever that it had to come to this. The end result is that I am not ready to deal with this sort of stuff in my life right now. I have way too many other things going on right now. My friends here say, he'll call in a week or two when things cool down. Yeah, well we'll see and to be honest I am not sure I want to speak with him. It seems I have a knack of getting these phone calls from ex's quite frequently. Why? I have no idea but I think it's because deep down I always search for good in people and I never leave the people feeling any feelings of ill will. Who knows really though. Anyhow, today I start over. I have alot of work to accomplish at work, but that is not the only thing going on. Of course the ongoing care of the youngest. Tomorrow he is able to start putting a little weight on the leg so getting around should be a bit easier. I know he is looking forward to being more independent again!

My oldest son's gf is coming home tomorrow night also, 2 long months away and he is very happy she is finally coming home! He's been great about it, a little shaky at the start but overall very patient....I think that is very commendable!

So again, I'm off to work, tonight the Y and working on the issues with the wrist. I will succeed to get this back on track and getting myself well again.

The verdict is in..........

2009-07-08T19:01:00.001-05:00

I am waiting for him to get home so I can get my stuff. He totally blew me off again, and this time is the last time!

Tonight is the night...........

2009-07-08T17:35:00.002-05:00

he called at lunch with a little prodding from me for us to talk, so I am supposedly going over there tonight and we are going to hang out and talk. What does this mean? I have no clue, I can't even fathom where I will stand when I leave tonight, so now it's time for me to call and let him know I am home....

Ok so that is done, of course he didn't answer, he never does and I am sure that he will bail yet again on me, because something better came up....I need to get my things so if he decides that I am not worth the time to talk to he at least needs to get my stuff out because I will be going to get it tonight!

So now I wait! as usual

Middle of the week, middle of the road

2009-07-08T05:41:00.002-05:00

That is where I stand. I am really ramping up alot at the gym, found someone who is willing to help me strengthen this wrist of mine without me coming home and being in agony for hours after my workout. I am really excited about a new program I purchased last night too, for those days when I just can't quite to get my butt out the door to the gym! I have found my long lost love of exercise. We were almost like two friends who parted ways a while ago when I got hurt but have recently rekindled our friendship and for this I am happy!

DS2 is recouping, finally starting to put a little weight on that foot, unfortunately he realized last night that the cast will probably come off around the time that school starts :( Poor baby, but they are the daredevils and sometimes this is what happens.

I am off to the beach this weekend, with the wobbly ds2 in tow too, I need some R&R and away from all that has been my life around here so we are going. I am looking forward to those walks on the beach at sunrise that I missed with the girls and such. I just need some downtime and that is what we are going to do!

Other than that we are in the midst of summer, it's glorious and I definitely thrive in this weather, I probably should consider moving so that I may have this year round, but I am not sure I am ready for all of that yet, it's a thought though that keeps popping up in my head. The biggest con to this is I would miss the seasons and I truly love fall as much as I love summer!

So off to work, another productive day ahead of me and I need to get moving..

ciao

Tuesdays

2009-07-07T05:25:00.002-05:00

Back at work, yesterday was exhausting, but I did go to the gym and work out. Where did that leave me? Exhausted last night, I could barely keep my eyes open and was out like a light by 9pm..lol I did have a great workout, trying to figure out how to get the upper body workouts back on rhythm. Ever since my fall in Dec, I've struggled with any weight I put on the right wrist. Of course the doc says I need it rebroken and then allow it to heal properly...eww and I didn't want to do that during the summer.

I am trudging along with my personal life, he did text me yesterday and we talked a bit at lunch, but I really don't feel any differently, I was able to put out there how I felt and where I was coming from during the day on Sat, did it make a difference? Who knows, because I totally put the ball back in his court! I am not contacting him, again if he continues to just be aloof I am going to make arrangements to get my things and move on. I think I should probably just make that my plan, because I almost wonder if there is anything left there for us to fight for? Some say yes, some say maybe, some say no...so the jury's out on that all around!!! lol

The boy is healing, uncomfortable but healing...hopefully he'll be able to start getting around a bit more soon.....we go back to the doc on Friday to see how he is making out!!

Off to work, another day another dollar! geez do I really make that much every day?? LOL

Back to work

2009-07-06T05:22:00.002-05:00

with a heavy heart. I was hoping maybe he would call, but I know the time and distance is what is needed. I was very busy with my own things yesterday so it kept me going all day long. I have decided if I don't hear from him by Wed I will call and make arrangements to get the few things I left at his house and need back. Unfortunately I would just leave, but they are irreplaceable. Struggling with me, who I am again. I have thought alot about what was said to me, I think the thing that shocked me more is how I am perceived and the part that it was actually told to me. I am striving to be a better person and to hear that I am not that upbeat as I always think I am...well that is a shocker, still recovering from that. I am moving forward, I wanted to get up and do yoga, but I stayed up too late watching a movie, so my gym bag is packed and I will be here right after work! No if, and's or buts about it. I need to get myself back in some of the shape I used to be, it always felt great and when I work out I feel good about me!

So, off to the trenches, hopefully the day will fly by...

Twists and turns

2009-07-05T08:54:00.003-05:00

and what I believe I have found out is I am truly perceived quite differently than I think I am. I am truly shocked and saddened to hear how someone perceived the type of person I am. Here I have spent years trying to change the way I am, the misery and pain out of my life and what has it left me, hardened. That is the only word I can think that sums up in one word what was said to me yesterday. So, the big question is.....are M and I over? Who knows, I think in my heart he wishes I were a little less hard. And if so, where do I go from here? Well I march forward as I always have, but this time, finally I have the opportunity of some insight on how an honest person perceived me. I hated to hear these words come out of his mouth, that I like things to be a certain way, that I expect answers on questions that cannot be answered right now, that I am a bad ass (that one hurt the most). What will I take from this, learning, insight. Something to genuinely sink my teeth into and correct. So, he's gone, to the beach with his daughter. He'll be back in a few days, and then I guess we'll see if he still has interest. I'm not holding my breath but pushing forward in my life right now, because it's the only thing I can do!

As I sat numbly watching the fireworks last night, I realized that this life I am leading is not the one I had envisioned for myself, but also the reality of what I thought and the reality of what is being seen are two different things.

Life can throw you lemons when you least expect it....

2009-07-04T16:58:00.001-05:00

as far as I knew everything seemed to be going great for M and I, until today. I have no clue what happened or why it happened but something has. This is probably the main reason I will probably always remain single, because I haven't a clue.

So, I'm off tonight, by myself once again, to see some fireworks and hopefully enjoy the evening!

So here is it....

2009-07-03T22:13:00.006-05:00

another award has been bestowed to me....Talk toTiff....a great girl to read and catch up with....http://talktotiff.com/

so I guess the terms are 7 things about me....well hmmm let's see....

I love....

1. Two and half Men...the boys and I watch it usually while having dinner every night...mindless humor

2. Yoga...it's my release from life!

3. Pedicures - it's about the most girly thing I do for myself!

4. the beach - there is nothing like sitting along the ocean and being mindless

5. Thunderstorms - yeah they are awesome

6. Music - it is my release from life as I know it

7. good food - as long as it great and involves great friends it's awesome!

so here is the tag.....

hmmmm, I have so many great blog friends it is really hard to pin it down to seven, but in keeping with the spirit of the award here are mine!

Shrinking Susy - http://susy-abrandnewme.blogspot.com/

Janene - http://janenesjourney.blogspot.com/

Karen - http://sunshinesheart.blogspot.com/

Amber - http://workingongfreedom.blogspot.com/

Lisa - http://lisalostandfound.blogspot.com/

Cindy - http://cindylou45.blogspot.com/

Pam - http://www.pameladv.blogspot.com/

and all the rest of you wonderful bloggers who follow me and want to participate...because I love you all!!!

A long week

2009-07-03T20:26:00.002-05:00

This has probably been the longest week so far...we took ds2 to get his cast changed on Tuesday. Evidently he had an infection and they immediately put him on antibiotics so we spent yet another night and the next day in the hospital dealing with all this...he's home (well if you consider grandma's) home and he is uncasted and getting cleaned and dealing with all of this.....

He had no clue he was having any problems and well, to be honest I'm not sure how he would considering they had him so doped up, anywho, we are on the road to recovery. Tomorrow we go in to hopefully have the recast done. I'm hoping it will be the case, he is responding great to the antibiotics and cleaning and well it's just a huge pain in the ass at this point in his point of view and mine also! Not what either of us expected at this long weekend of celebration, but it is what it is...lol

So we are here at mom's, not exactly the place I want to be, but it is what it is and I will make the best of it. Tomorrow, we go and hopefully get cast and home! I miss home and my bed as I am sure he does too! So much for our plans.....next year hopefully will be a more memorable 4th!!!

What a great Saturday....

2009-06-28T12:58:00.002-05:00

I don't always get along with my mom, but man she helped me out in a big way yesterday! Ds2 stayed with her lounging by the pool and sticking one leg in!! lol while M and I and two of his friends headed down the shore. It was a beautiful sunny day, we stopped and had a quick bite to eat before hitting the sand. I can't believe I totally forgot my camera, what the heck! The ocean was suprisingly warm too, spent about 1 1/2 hours in it swimming and just riding the waves. I was exhausted afterward and fell promptly asleep while he went running on the sand. lol Around 5pm some dark clouds popped up and everyone as running for the cars, we took our time since we were already all wet! Stopped in Dewey on the way back up and had some ok seafood we shared. It wasn't the best food, but it was a great day. On the way home we decided to go out that night (after showers) for a few drinks. I called mom to make sure and talk to ds2. He said to me, "Mom, go out, come over tomorrow morning and get me and we'll hang then, have fun!" My little boy, getting so grown up. So I came home showered and met him back at his house and off we went, we then hung out at his house for the night and I got ds2 this morning and we watched a movie and made pancakes. He's resting right now, as this weekend spent by the pool has drained him along with all the pain meds he's taking! One day at a time right now....

Best laid plans turn to mush......

2009-06-27T07:21:00.002-05:00

So Thursday night I am getting ready to walk out the door to M's but first have to take ds2 to mom's. He's outside skateboarding, doing all those fancy tricks he sees on tv, videos, whatever...next thing I hear is this blood curdling scream, it literally made my blood run cold. I run out the back door and there he is lying 1/2 on the sidewalk, 1/2 in the street, but the thing that worried me the most was the bone protruding from his ankle. There is no way I can get him up and in the car and of course I didn't want him to realize what had happened, he was just laying there sobbing. So I told him to just stay put, DO NOT MOVE and keep your head down, I need to get something. I ran into the house and called 911 for an ambulance and then M to let him know what is going on. Well, M said call back 911 and cancel that (no need for that bill) and he came over and got ds2 in the truck and off to the hospital we went. After hours of what seemed like waiting, but really it was xrays and whatnot, they decided to stabilize him and get some of the swelling down before they have to go in and put in pins and whatnot...poor baby, now for him the summer is done. He's right now home with me and mom, we headed up to mom's because I can't lift him by myself and my oldest is working all weekend. So yesterday was a chore, it was hard to get him to the bathroom and such.....anyhow long story short, tomorrow we go home, I'm tired, but Mom and T are at the house today, so mom and M decided to get me out of the house. They agreed yesterday and M, me and two friends are headed down the shore for the day. I don't always get along w/my mom but she suprised me this time and for that I am grateful! So, I will be leaving shortly to scoot down to M's and off we go, I hope it's a good day, but at least ds2 is in good hands today and I will get one beach day in. Unfortunately, also this was our weekend at the beach with the gf's and of course I had to cancel that :(

So, I need to find something to wear, and get my hair done and off I go.....

Oh and the sun is out, finally! After a 94 degree day yesterday I would say summer has hit us hard, thank goodness for mom's pool yesterday too, as ds2 and I were able to spend a lot of time outside of course him in the shade but it was better than being cooped up in the house all day watching tv. Poor boy :(

Ok so....

2009-06-25T19:28:00.001-05:00

I will admit I have been a total slacker reading my friends/fellow bloggers out there...I love you all but my life has been crazy busy and yes I will read up on each and every one of you!!

So tonight I leave, off to M's for the night and then with the girls for the weekend at the shore...Can I say I need this more than I need anything else in my life. My gf's ground me, they have helped me find who I am and forever I will be grateful, but the shore, sand and lapping ocean on the shoreline doesn't hurt either!! You can bet I will have my chair planted shoreside, hungover or not and enjoying the rhythm of the waves....

I am out, till at least Monday...enjoy your weekends with loved ones and sig others....I am going to catch up I promise!!!

Up and down for a few days this week....

2009-06-25T05:20:00.002-05:00

he is adjusting to being back home, alot going on with him and well it's just been hard on him and me. We'll get through it.

Tomorrow the girls and I leave for our long girls beach weekend. I can't wait to dip my toes in the ocean and sit by the shoreline and just vege, me and my girls! Of course that again takes me out of the loop of seeing my guy, but this is a much needed break for us both.

I've been good about my exercise again this week, even tired I've gotten in 3 days so far!! yeah and it's only Thursday. I plan on one more night of yoga tonight and maybe 1 day while on vacation??? Last night I came down with a horrible migraine, it's time to call the doc again as I am getting them more and more frequently. I have the meds and they help but it seems the frequency of them is what is really bothering me.

Off to finish getting ready for work...long day ahead of me......

At the end of an emotional weekend.....

2009-06-23T05:20:00.002-05:00

He finally got in late Saturday night, we had a great night and I was off on Sunday to do my planned day of seeing dad and visiting my grandma's grave.

Sat night was wonderful, simply wonderful.....

Sunday, not so wonderful. When we pulled up in front of the house and I saw weeds as tall as 3' out front I knew something was wrong. When we walked into the house I knew it, something was definitely wrong. The once normally model fit home was messy, things were everywhere and I didn't know what was going on. Then the first look at my father and I was shocked, he's lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time and was looking haggard and worn. Evidently the gf has had quite a few surgeries in less than a month and well it has forced his hand into being primary caregiver. He cannot get through the day and get everything done, but for his own health's sake I hope he takes days off here and there or he will never make it through the next 8 months of recovery. Then onto grandma's grave, 1 year has passed since she passed and well it was an emotional reunion. My father and my grandma have always been the two important people in my life, they have always loved me unconditionally and well I miss one and the other broke my heart to see how his life had turned. Of course these emotions spilled over into my own relationship and well it didn't go so well Sunday night and Monday morning, we were able to talk through it, but there is that thing, the underlying emotion that I have experienced and the fact that it had to turn into what it did, so where does that leave me, I have no clue.

Today, Tuesday is a new day to start fresh again....I want to have a very positive day! and the end of the week is girls weekend at the beach! YEAH!!!

We are there....

2009-06-19T21:58:00.001-05:00

and I am almost in blissful mode....yes

He's almost home
I am almost 100% happy
and the weekend...well....

will be blissful.......I can't wait

more to come....

see you all on Monday or more updates!!!!

I am so glad it's Friday....

2009-06-19T05:34:00.002-05:00

you have no idea. After another trying day yesterday, I came home after stopping at bank, made a quick pot of spaghetti for the boys, ate a small salad and headed up to bed. Yes, 6:30pm and I was in bed and asleep at 7pm. I slept straight through until 10:30 and then was up for about 1/2 hour and fell promptly back asleep. M called around midnight and we talked until about 1:30 and I fell back asleep but finally woke up this a.m. well slept and refreshed for the first time in days! My oldest took care of his brother running him between his friends and gf's house which was great, he made sure the house stayed quiet for me, cleaned up the dinner dishes and the family room too (I need to write that down it's a first in a long time).

It's been raining here for 10 days straight, but today? SUN!! I am so excited it's not even funny..lol My guy is home tomorrow night, I can't wait to see him and a quiet evening is planned with a nice dinner and just us time!

I have one more day of craziness at work, then I have a weekend to recoup and regroup. Things are certainly changing there and it's not always been easy!

Off to the races....

Technically it's 2 1/2 days....but who's counting...

2009-06-18T05:35:00.002-05:00

I am, that is who! lol Last night he said that him and his buddies have a celebratory drink after drills, I wasn't happy with this and said you have spent every minute of every day with these guys for two weeks, I understand the whole it's over and male bonding thing, but geez I want to be selfish and have him all to myself, because I know what guys + drinking = out all night and I'm driving them home (all drunk) needless to say I was none to happy about this and made my opinion very clear!!

Yesterday was a horrible day, well maybe not that bad in hindsight, but it seemed that every angry customer, stupid supplier and just ignorant person came out of the woodwork. I smiled, put on my best face and just hoped to get through the day, while I called my gf, made plans to meet up with her last night and detox from all the hassle of the day :) It was a nice night!

So I am off to work, again no formal exercise excep the running around at work yesterday, one day I should wear my pedometer and see how much I really walk, because it's alot!

Rain! that is the weather for today, and wind, makes for a lovely day, so we are day 16 out of 18 with rain this month, tomorrow, finally Sun.....all I hope is for Sun next Fri, Sat and Sun for my girls weekend down at the shore!!

Something is not right in my world........

2009-06-17T05:27:00.002-05:00

I slept way too much last night. I was dragging cleaning up dinner and starting to get things together today for lunch. I came into my bed at 9pm and instead of watching a little tv, I turned it off and promptly fell asleep. M called twice, I did manage to eek out a conversation with him, but he kept saying I hear how tired you are baby. I am tired, I woke up this late, I am dragging and when I looked in the mirror I saw that old face peering back at me. Puffy, semi swollen, but also very reddish and just didn't look like me. I have had coffee number one to try and clear the cobwebs that in my head, but it just doesn't seem to be doing it's job. I am still tired and still dragging. I just don't know what is wrong. Work keeps me busy, in a flowing way that I guess I never realize during the day how tired I am....and the girl who sits in front of me is sick, sore throat, general malaize and feeling bad. I just hope that our close proximity isn't getting me sick :(

Another shocker this a.m. I woke up and my oldest was missing. His car was here, he was gone. So I text him, he responded be home soon. Who the heck knows what is going on with him. I blew up at both of my boys last night, agitation, tired and their lack of respect for me had just gone too far. I told the oldest that if he doesn't wish to help out in the house, and continue to just throw things whereever and leave them then he can move. I am tired of the house always looking cluttered and dirty. He definitely gets this trait from his father. He has just walked in so I am off to see what is going on....

I need some sleep.........

2009-06-16T18:53:00.002-05:00

I don't want to say the time difference is killing me, but darn I am so tired. I get up early every morning for work, conditioned, programmed or just happens I do, no matter what happens the night before. Last night my day ended at 12:46a.m. Tuesday, I got up as normal, 5:40am tuesday, hence lack of proper sleep. I come home at the end of each work day and force myself to cook dinner before I drop dead on the couch. Tonight, 1 hr 45 min and I'm still exhausted. I am definitely ready for bed now and have so much to do I don't want to sleep :(

4 more days and he's home with me, and I can't wait, just to be in the same state and 10 min down the road. Sleep will come in the form of a peaceful ahhhhhhhh.....

So now I will try to find some motivation and feel somewhat accomplished.......

1/2 and 1/2.....

2009-06-15T05:36:00.004-05:00

for as rainy and lousy as Saturday turned out to be, Sunday was beautiful. So we did what we always do when we need to get out of the house, we went to the park for a hike!!

So off we went, found this beautiful little cove about 100 - 150' down where we relaxed for a bit during the hike. We were almost at the mouth of the three rivers that meet here, and it was simply gorgeous.

I enjoyed this day immensely and was very glad to get out of the house and get in some fresh air, sunshine and exercise too! My son pointed out to me that we were the only ones who went onto the paths for hiking, there were quite a few people there but not many out for the exercise benefit of it. :(

I am counting down the days, 5 more and he comes home. It is truly a test for me, and my eye is on the prize and can't wait to see him. We have grown so close in this time apart, talking, texting and just missing each other. I have really learned alot about myself. There was a small scare that a request had come in for him to go to Kuwait for six months, but that was something he was able to find out was optional not mandatory. I am glad for that as I am not sure I am ready for six months away from him.

I did manage to get my wash done, some cleaning, but I have quite a bit still to do. I've been cleaning out my house to and getting rid of that which is not being used anymore. The boys have grown out of so much stuff that they just can't get rid of and I'm tired of the clutter. I need to get them both out of the house, so I can really throw things out, because if I do when they are not home, they don't even notice it's gone! lol

Another stormy day on the horizon for today :( I'm really tired of the rain and I'm sure we have caught up from our deficit earlier this year. But we are stuck in this pattern and it seems to be another week of unsettled.

Thankful for a day of sun...........

2009-06-14T20:14:00.002-05:00

it made such a difference for me. Me and my youngest ventured out to Elk Neck State Park, it is one of my favorites around, we did the hike took a different trail and got so lost..lol I ended up having to climb about 100 feet upward almost vertical to the next trail. But I did it and I felt so darned accomplished!!! I can't tell you the feeling of euphoria when I reached the peak. It's amazing because I know a few short years ago this would have been IMPOSSIBLE! So today I have conquered yet again another milestone!! yeah

I found out this a.m. that my guy does not have to go to Kuwait, it was a possibility that totally caught me off guard and unprepared...5 more days he is home!

So I leave the weekend, 1/2 rain and 1/2 wonderful and am going to bed!!!

Rained out..........

2009-06-14T08:48:00.001-05:00

yesterday turned into a bust weather wise, around 1pm as we were getting ready to walk out the door, the skies opened up and it poured for hours, in fact we are still in the soup right now :( I lost all my will for anything else, so we kicked back and watched a few movies. It was good, but then around 8pm I got my cleaning bug, started laundry and cleaning and fell into bed aroun 1am. I am up early today, it's still crappy out, the backyard is ponding with water and again I have no clue what I will do today.

More movies perhaps and just lay low!

Tired and a busy day today....

2009-06-13T11:13:00.003-05:00

We are going to venture out to Separation Day, it's celebrated here in Delaware prior to the 4th of July declaring our independence. There will be vendors, people dressed in all types of civil war clothes and reanactments. It's not the best day out but a nice day for a stroll down by the river!

Then the jazz festival in town (weather permitting)!! I love a good jazz festival and they put on a fabulous free show!

Why am I tired, because my guy and I stayed up all hours of the night talking on the phone, one more week! I finally got to bed at 5am. sheesh I'm beat!! I will sleep good tonight.

Another dear friends mom passed yesterday morning. He was with her and she literally died in his arms, my heart went out to him in his time of grief. Another positive, wonderful women has been taken by cancer (Leukemia) and now he has to pick up the pieces of his life (there is no family left) and start over. He's had not the best life, but is such a positive and wonderful person, please say a prayer for him today and for his mom who is looking down from heaven on him!

So I'm off to the shower, get moving and enjoy this day....trying to keep busy!

Friday and still counting....

2009-06-12T05:32:00.003-05:00

I wish it were next Friday, but alas I still a little over a week to go. I did not get much done yesterday, so if I go to the beach, it will be for the day. I have alot to do here at home, but this weather is not cooperating with me. I still am feeling pretty icky with this cold. None stop sneezing and the cough. I hate allergies! They seem to exasperate the whole cold.

Had a great date last night, and I am truly grateful for him working all this out so we can talk/see each other live every other night. And for being such a dear as to move it up (time zone difference) since I have not been feeling well.

Today, back at work. blah I have not been in a working mood, although I am getting quite a bit done at work. I'm glad it's the weekend and I need some down time. Some rest to shake this cold once and for all.

The boy is enjoying his first full week of summer vacation. Unfortunately his gf's step mom is making it very hard on them both to see each other. Some people I just never get, there is nothing wrong with them hanging out, and they are kids the should be able to enjoy themselves. His other friends have pretty much been here non stop, I love the house full of kids, but sometimes too I need a break.

The older boy is missing his gf too! She is overseas visiting her dad, home July 10th, so his eye is on the prize and he has quite a bit longer than me to wait. I have enjoyed his company at home lately though :) He also wants to get back into school full time at U of De. I hope he can figure out a way to do this, but then I will have to buy his car from him. I am glad I didn't go out and buy my own, because then it wouldn't happen, of course his is a nice little car, so I don't mind.

Exercise, I have all but given up on it the past few days, I have had no energy to put forth any effort. Hopefully soon, when I start feeling a wee bit better.

The weekend is here! enjoy

A day of mixed emotions....

2009-06-11T16:35:00.002-05:00

today I woke up not feeling so great. In fact my youngest has caught a pretty darn nasty cold and he wants his mom to snuggle with last night so I was feeling a bit achy and tired myself. Off to bed early I went. This a.m. I woke up sinus' draining and the weather crappy. I almost wonder when we will ever see the sun again! Off to work, and still feeling rather down, my guy (bless his soul) totally picked up on that via text (even though I said I was great) lol liar!! He called me, not once, but twice. Talk about a ray of sunshine in my day. I still am feeling a bit under the weather but it was nice to talk with him on the phone instead of just via text! I am totally falling for him, and the distance seems to have brought us closer together instead of further apart!

Next Saturday he comes home. I had weekend plans this weekend coming but we needed to cancel. There was a very good reason indeed, but it leaves me without a thing to do. Of course there is always laundry, cleaning and all that fun stuff. But I was thinking maybe a weekend down at the beach would do me some good right about now. Get my mind off the fact that I will have a whole new week still without him, plus who can resist hanging out with mom for the weekend..lol

So, I have to think about it, see how much I can accomplish tonight, before our "date" and then make my decision. I can always go down later tomorrow night too or early Saturday morning! we'll see how I feel I guess.....

It's raining it's pouring.....

2009-06-09T05:27:00.004-05:00

literally, it is coming down so hard right now I can hardly see the car in the drive. Sheesh what a way to start the morning. So I will waste time and blog. Great now thunder too..lol

The days are slowly clicking away awaiting the return of my guy, I can't wait to see him. I know he's busy, doing very well and having a good time, but the time difference between us sucks for late night phone calls to me :( I was so asleep when he finally had some downtime last night to call me.

I did manage to get my lawn cut last night though and that is good as it went far too long without a cut, and with the rain this week it would have been out of control later this week. I also dug into my dining room, cleaning it out and sprucing it up a bit. It's been on my mind for awhile so I guess the energy was there last night and I went for it!

Tonight, I have no idea, thinking a pedicure is in order. I am really trying each night to find things to do to keep my occupied, did you see that? LOL I can't swim because of the storms and the outdoor pool, but I can get my yoga in. Malibu pilates is my newest addiction too. I just love it, never was really much of a pilates girl, but this chair that is involved in the exercises really eases my knee and helps me achieve the workout I want!

Weight is still down, I am keeping it off, and just those few pounds wow do I notice the difference in my clothes. Anytime in my past life, if I had gained a few, I would just give up and throw in the towel and next thing you know I would be way up! I think it still amazes me how different my life is now!

Alright I have procrastinated enough, time to finish getting ready for the day.

13 days and counting....

2009-06-07T19:25:00.002-05:00

the day was filled with shopping, cleaning and wash. I am trying to do everything I can to be busy! My son scored an awesome acoustic guitar at a steal today, some CD's and we just walked around outside at the flea market. I got a Hulk pinball machine, it's awesome and it was free! The guy, he loves the Hulk, so it's a surprise for him as he collects memoribilia!

So I'm exhausted and going to watch SlumDog Millionaires (which my oldest brought home for me) and probably fall asleep!

Night

He's gone

2009-06-06T18:01:00.002-05:00

for two weeks. I know, I know I haven't talked about it much and there is alot to tell...so much to share but I have been laying low with it all. Is that out of fear, not to jinx myself...I have flippin clue because truth be told I usually don't hold back on many things. So, if you have a few minutes or a half an hour I will catch you all up on what is really going on. What I have been sharing is the icing on the cake so to speak, but deep down there have been quite a few other things!

So first, S and I. We are officially done. We will remain friends and I think that for him it's healthy, I will admit it was bit of a blow to me. We talked alot at my last visit but talk is cheap when you live 1000 or whatever miles away and one of the two of us wants you there each and every night, starting now. With no guarantees, I was not willing to relocate my son the distance while he is getting ready to start high school and to have to leave all his friends....so it had been decided. It wasn't the best news to share, but it had to be done. I was a little heartbroken, but then again I think I have grown in so many ways that it's amazing. I have learned alot about myself and who I am and how strong of a person (women) I can be and I smile everytime I see her in the mirror! This has truly been a life altering relationship for me. I was willing to deal with the distance but he wasn't. At the end of the day I am a realist and that is what needed to be done, before the hardship and bitterness reared it's ugly head. So we still talk, he has alot of things to decide but I will always be a friend and there for him.

So I went to a bbq over Memorial Day weekend, I think I already blogged about this, but there was more that came out of it than I was ready to put out there at the time. There was a mutual friend of the hostess/host that came. I have known him probably about 5 years. Just a casual aquaintance until that night. I was in my girlfriends house getting ready to leave and this aquaintance came in and said to me I would like to walk you to your car. Ok, fine, not like we were in an unsafe neighborhood. So we went out to my car, he and I talked for about 1/2 hour outside (watching other guests leave..lol) he said to me, I want to ask you out on a date. I have known you when you were with the ex and all the crap he put me through, he said I have watched you date the rebound guys and see that you are finally settling into your skin and who you are. He said I always knew you were a great person and I want to see you as in dating. So we went on our first date the next night. It has been a whirlwind of dating and getting to really know one another since. He left this a.m. for two weeks away it is part of his job and I miss him already. Sounds silly but it is....

So a little catch up maybe not quite the length I want to explain right now, but it is out there...there are still quite a few other things we are dealing with and it's all good and I'm happy as is he so that is what counts!

He did it!!!

2009-06-06T08:24:00.005-05:00

Yes, 8th grade is a really big deal now. They are entering into uncharted territory called high school next year. It was a great day, I had a tear in my eye and a smile on my face.....

Life as I know it.......

2009-06-02T05:24:00.002-05:00

Was a whirlwind this weekend. Spent sometime with many friends doing various activities and nothing done in the house..lol I had a great bike ride on Sunday with an old friend and his sister and her boyfriend. It was really great to see them again and what a perfect day for a bike ride.

The house remained a disaster until last night, when I got my cleaning bug. I guess it just got to be too much for me, so I cleaned and cleaned and fell into bed at 10pm....up early to finish the laundry and off to work again today.

I have alot of things going through my head, at best it's confusing. At worst, it's undeniably devastating. I'm trying to work through it as the words to put it out there are just not pouring out of my head yet. It involves alot of decisions, and most of them are hard and not nice.

On the WLS front, well I'm down again. I've managed to drop 10lb since early April. I don't know if that is good or bad, but I am not complaining. I have gone totally organic in my diet, I don't know if that helped or not, but it is what I've done. I have also added a protein shake back in my diet after my workout. Supposedly this is supposed to help.

Exercise, starting pilates. I tried it before and never liked it, but I needed a change, so I'm giving it another go!

I am finally starting my weekend....

2009-05-29T20:36:00.004-05:00

to finally start my weekend. I was at a viewing and service for a good friends mom who passed away earlier this week. It was a wonderful tribute to her, a woman who loved life more than anyone else I knew. She will be missed.

Now, I am out, to start my weekend, at yes 10pm....with my date. A fellow I have been seeing for a little now....it's purely hedoism between him and I now, ever since I first laid eyes on him. We have so much fun, laughing, joking and just having a great time together. I know what is going on...alot in my life. S and I well, there is alot to share, but I am not hanging out with him this weekend, nor any weekend probably soon. I have found some fun, he's a light in my day, a smile on my face and some lust in my heart. So with that I leave you, unknown to what is really going on, and yes I will explain soon! Have a great weekend!!! Enjoy and I will be back Sunday!

I am glad this week is almost over

2009-05-28T18:16:00.004-05:00

What else is there to say. It's been a trying week at work nonetheless, but I am always up for the game...lol It seem the busier we get the more responsibilities we incur...but there are only two of us and alas we cannot get it all done, ever! Someday, maybe, someone will understand this. I have spent a few early mornings at work trying to "catchup" but it seems to go unnoticed, maybe not, but I feel like I'm always behind.

Here are a few snaps of my new garden, it is progressing and seems to have taken!! My mom always said I have a green thumb and can grow anything, anywhere!

I have purchased a new piece of gym equipment, I cannot wait until it arrives, a new fitness regime for me, uncharted territories in my life, but hey I'm game....are you!!

Waiting on an awesome thunderstorm to arrive any minute, so I will make this brief...enjoy Friday, it's here already!!!

Hump Day

2009-05-27T05:42:00.003-05:00

Can you say, three days left this week! I can, wow I love the short weeks. Work implemented a casual attire dress code for the summer. Let me tell you it was very easy to wake up yesterday and throw on jeans and a shirt and dash off to work. I felt so much more relaxed. This is gonna be a nice summer in that aspect!

Weekend, ended on tired note. Here I strived for a low key weekend and it was full of activities and fun and some thing I wanted to get done in the house. I have my garden planted, it looks great. The last two days have been cloudy and rainy so that will really help set those plants/bushes I planted. I need to go snap a pic of my creation. I love to work outside in the dirt, there is something very therapeutic about it.

Monday night we saw T3 - I enjoyed it and especially the person picked to play John Connor. I will say Christian Bale has had his deal with issues or whatever, but darn he is really some nice eye candy in the movie. He is busy it seems with quite a few movie projects right now.

I have some new things going on in my life right also, not quite ready to put them out there but there is smiles and fun on the horizon.....

more soon, sorry to be so cryptic

Monday, Monday

2009-05-25T09:05:00.002-05:00

And I am home alone this a.m. In fact, I found myself without children for most of the weekend. I was invited to a BBQ yesterday, nice to always see the friends who didn't go to the beach! I also got to spend some time with a friend yesterday too, it was nice to hang out and catch up....

So this a.m. I'm doing coffee, relaxing and waiting for the boy to call so I can pick him up. I have flowers to finish planting and with the storms that rolled through last night the ground is in perfect condition for digging and planting today!! I will be outside, enjoying the last of the holiday weekend and life!! Hope you are too

The middle of the long weekend

2009-05-24T08:58:00.002-05:00

Woke up really early today, was able to get alot accomplished already since the oldest is working and the youngest is at a sleepover. The weather has been just perfect for this long holiday weekend, which is quite opposite of the norm for this holiday weekend. I need to get out and cut the grass, but I have no motivation right this moment so I thought I would pop in here! I have not gone anywhere or really made any plans as my June is going to be quite busy on most weekends, so mostly housework, working on my garden (I'm building up my backyard one) and just general hanging out and enjoying the down time.

School is almost over for the year for the youngest, graduating 8th grade in a few weeks and then he has his summer. I've noticed over the past month that he has contacted his father less and less. I'm sure partly is from the outcome of the custody battle that I won (which excludes his father from any custody) and his constant lying to the boy about what happened and why. It reall is a sad thing.

As for S and I, well we've had quite a long stretch now where we haven't seen one another. We worked through the issues of this, although maybe I'm not quite sure it's over (the issues that is), he is coming up the weekend of the 5th and I can say honestly I'm very glad he is. Although in the back of my mind I always wonder. We are heading down to Baltimore for this visit, another great city which he has never been to.

As for me, well I'm down 5 lb, been working out more, walking alot and just taking care of me! I'm officially 2 1/2 years out now and while it's not always easy, it is the path I've chosen. I think that my life would have been stuck in the same revolving pattern of discontent had I not chosen to do this. My health and wellbeing are intact and the head does seem to finally catch up with the rest of it, eventually. But I can honestly say some days I'm still a little taken aback by the changes that I've gone through.

Ok, before it gets too hot, I'm off to cut the lawn, good exercise!!

Enjoy the holiday and remember what this is about, those who fight or have fought for our country, the ones who take the lead and take care of us when the world is not quite right!

Life is never what you expect it to be....

2009-05-19T19:59:00.002-05:00

or normal in my case for all that matters...

So last night S and I had a talk, it started as a text that turned into a phone call that ended in he can't deal with a long distance relationship. I was blindsided by this, so today I walked around numb, I'm still numb and maybe tomorrow will be a better day :(

No workout, not eating enough, and just general malaise on my part today.....geez pre-surgery, I would have headed for the Ice Cream section in the store and settled in with a spoon and 1/2 gallon...times have changed for me!

Mondays are hard enough when you go to bed on time.....

2009-05-18T18:57:00.003-05:00

So yesterday I took my 15 year old, his gf and another friend of his to their first concert. The MMRBQ to be truthful, we saw 7 awesome bands who brought their game to this event. It ended up being cool, chilly and well not so May, but then again it was a perfect May here in the Delaware valley!! lol We got there right after the doors opened and from the word go had a great time. The second friend David brought his father actually had an affilation with the venue so he printed us (all four of us) out backstage passes to meet all the bands...OMG when I saw this I almost crashed the car...so we got to meet 5 of the 7 bands that were playing. When we got in they asked if us if we wanted pictures with the bands or autographs. After a short consideration I thought well I will take the autographs, because with the backstage pass it gave us backstage access to awesome pics!! So I came home with my beautiful jeans all signed by most members of the bands we met plus the radio station guys. We also were able to help out the boost mobile people with a pic of us in our shirts! :) Overall the day was awesome, my son got to game acoustically with Noodles of the Offspring and I think he is totally awestruck with that moment in his life for this minute!

So all in all his first concert experience was one of awe, inspiration for his guitar and overall a fun time had by all!!!

Here I leave with a shot of me, him and his gf......

It's Saturday

2009-05-16T19:03:00.003-05:00

Today I think turned out alot better than the weather people led us to believe. I got the grass cut, some weeding and other yard work done. Pedicure after, and I felt lovely!! The gym sent out their summer bulletin and YEAH the pool opens Sat for the summer season (sorry my Aussie friends :( ) anyhow, I know I will get alot of swimming in this summer. I got my yoga done, wash is almost done, and I feel well accomplished today!! that is a good thing!

Tomorrow we are off, the second sons first concert! I'm excited to take him to it and his gf. We will see the following bands, ZZTop, Saliva, Unloaded, Puddle of Mudd, Offspring, Hailstorm ( a local band) and Papa Roach. For a first concert it should be a mind blowing event for the youngster, of course I'm only interested in really only two of the bands!!! lol

I am glad I will be able to share this with him. When I was thinking back about my first concert, my dad took me to see Aerosmith, 78, awesome and yes I was the same age as my youngest...so that is cool!!!

Anyhow, my weekend is going along perfectly a nice night for some fun with family (my oldest is home for the next six weeks or so) and friends...which I will be meeting out later tonight for some dancing and fun!!! I hope you all are having a great weekend!

The date

2009-05-15T18:23:00.002-05:00

If you can call it that, I went into it thinking no, not a date, we are friends. But as I was driving there that same thing overcame me again, that think that happens each time I see him.....and yes when I was sitting on the bench waiting and he pulled up, got out the car it happened again...DAMN I don't know, I guess it's a total physical attraction I have to him, good lord the butterflies were fighting to get out of my stomach!!

We had a great lunch, caught up, talked, laughed and just like no time had passed at all, but in fact I think it's like 8 or 9 months have!! Where do he and I go from here, well who knows....I guess we'll all just have to wait and see...he did ask me to the movies Tuesday night....hee hee

Enjoy this weekend, we are busy and that is whole different post....

Oh, proud to say weight is stable, although I have let my strictness slip a little....holding at 142 right now

A walk on the wild side....

2009-05-14T18:42:00.001-05:00

Ok, so here is the deal. I have been talking with an old bf, K for a month now, off and on, more off than on. So today he calls me at the end of the day, he wants to take me to lunch tomorrow. I get the butterflies, the same crazy feeling I had before. "What do I do?" this is what is going through my head as I need to have an answer. I agree, WHAT, I'm suprised at myself for this answer, but after some thought on the whole subject later this afternoon, I realized, there was never closure last year when things went sour, I am not sure if that is why I agreed, but we are having lunch tomorrow. Is that right? wrong? I have no flippin idea, but I am a little nervous about this, why? Seriously, why should I be, I have not a clue but I am....so tomorrow night stay tuned for the update, until then, I'm off to do some yoga and try to relax.

My neighbor has had us up most nights this week fighting with his gf, needless to say the cops have been here each and everyone of those nights, but it doesn't help my lack of sleep :(

So I'm off to finish out tonight, and await to see what happens tomorrow.........

Thank you Susy.....

2009-05-14T05:38:00.004-05:00

For this award...yes I love to blog. Somedays I wonder why I still do but then the comments and help come rolling in during my times of need and not and it reminds me that I am not the only going through things.......

So here goes.....

* To seek the reasons why we all love blogging.* Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.* Don't forget to mention the person who gives you the award.* Answer the awards question by writing the reason why you love blogging.* Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.* Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post.

About me ~~ Well I started this blog on the premise of alot of my peers, to journal through my life before and after WLS, of course this blog like many has evolved into something more, it is not just WLS it is how my life has evolved, it's not always about WLS so much anymore, but the things that have happened since I had it and sometimes the deep dark secrets they forget to tell you (thanks doc). I have enjoyed being a part of Susy's life (Shrinking Susy) http://susy-abrandnewme.blogspot.com/2009/05/award.html and if you don't already pop in her blog and say hi. She is one of the luckiest people I have had the chance to meet, she has a great, loving husband and is a total success in life after WLS. Anyhow, my blog is continuing, I'm going to be three years out this Nov and my life has changed throughout this wild ride. Of course, I'm a single mom of two wonderful boys now, but it wasn't like that when I started. I have taken back control of a life that was out of control, both in my weight and in my marriage and the story unfolds (when I get a chance) of how and what I am doing now.....

Now I am going to tag these wonderful bloggers...because without them life would be boring....

Sunshine (Sunshine's Heart) http://sunshinesheart.blogspot.com/

Janene (Lean Janene) http://janenesjourney.blogspot.com/

Cindylou (My New life w/WLS) http://cindylou45.blogspot.com/

Janine (Journey to a Mini Me) http://journeytoaminime.blogspot.com/

There are so many more great blogs out there, but give these girls a look see, they are in all phases of the post op and such inspirations to us all!!

I survived...

2009-05-12T18:50:00.002-05:00

turning 45. Like I had a doubt. Of course my kids think I'm officially "old" now...geez thanks! Anyhow, my oldest took us to the movies last night, the new Star Trek movie. As we were leaving he hands me an envelope. Hmm, I wonder what could this be, so he says you need to open it now. I open it as we are leaving the movie theatre and what has he bought me? Well he purchased for his mother, a weekend away in Atlantic City with tix to a show. I had tears in my eyes. Not one ticket but two, so my S will be joining me too since they were in cohoots with this whole adventure. So in June, I will be spending a weekend down the NJ shore at a perfectly wonderful hotel and tix to the House of Blues!! He rocks!!! But it didn't end there, I had two dozen peach roses waiting at home from my S....I had the best birthday a girl could want...

Back to reality. Life is sweet right now, my neighbors kept me so awake way too late last night (they decided to start a fight at midnight as I was almost asleep) thanks....gee

So today at work I was dragging at best, I'm beat. Beyond belief. I wanted to say something to the neighbor about last night, but of course he is no where to be found! Gee wonder why....so I'm off to bed early, skipped the workout (no stamina) but the good news our pool opens this weekend, will the weather and us be ready, god probably not but it sounds so good right now!!

Beautiful Sunday

2009-05-11T05:25:00.001-05:00

I had a nice Sunday, slept in (in fact did both Sat and Sun) which is unprecedented for me, I guess I am learning to relax and enjoy again. Of course the late nights helped too :)

Had a nice Mother's Day, the youngest cooked dinner, got me a beautiful hanging basket and we just spent a quiet day at home. I was given a memories rosebush also which I transplanted later in the day and spread some mulch. Overall not a stressful day at all. The oldest came home bearing a card (cute) and sunburn (ouch). He informed me the gifts come tonight. He is also taking us to see the new Star Trek movie tonight also!

Am trying to plan another adventure to NYC for the end of the month. The list of things to do and see is longer than the time we have alloted so I had to send an email and ask which is a must do for this trip and what can wait until another time! lol Hopefully enough can be striked and still be ok for this time....

Off to get ready to go to work, back to the grind so to speak.....

Wonderful Saturday

2009-05-09T20:12:00.002-05:00

I had a wonderful day, I was being an insomniac last night and sitting outside on the adirondack chair and enjoying a quiet beautiful evening and my oldest came home. Ok, it's like midnight at this point all. He came and sat with me and we had a nice talk, we sat and laughed and talked for about 1/2 hour, it was nice. Signs of what is to come when he moves on and comes to visit his mama.....He got us tix tonight to see XMen Wolverine, I liked it, David, well he thought it would be better, I don't know. Ok, so anyhow, my oldest informed me that since Sunday is Mother's Day and Monday is my birthday he would be home Monday to celebrate both with me. I know his reasons (his gf is getting ready to be gone for a month or two to Lebanon) and he is trying to spend alot of time with her and do things to hold them over until they can be together again. I think he's a sweet boy because he said, Mom, I love you but I need to spend time with her, do you understand this? Yes, I do. I remember being young and in love and thinking this is it. Who knows though, sometimes it still does work out and I really do like her alot!

So anyhow, I got my jungle (lawn) cut, good lord was that a feat and a half. I got a few flowers transplanted as I wanted to and then we went to the movies, brought home dinner and are spending a beautiful night home. I love to be home and enjoying the laughter and fun in the home. I will miss this when the kids grow up and move out though.

So, I am off, to declutter more, that is my thing right now, I'm trying to thin things out......

Happy Mother's Day to all my mom friends! I hope you enjoy your day and it is such a great thing to be a mom!

Yeah

2009-05-08T22:47:00.002-05:00

It's the weekend, will be lowkey at home and enjoying time with at least one of the two boys. Seems the other has made other plans as he is evolving into manhood and has made other plans for Sunday...we'll see if he remembers that it's Mother's Day. Of course, he has always been a good son when it comes to occasions such as this.

S and I had another talk tonight, a good talk, so to say we are on a three year plan. 3 years being when my youngest graduates high school and will be intact with friends and such and then I can think more (well a little) about me...sounds selfish but it's a reality, I will always put my children first and to find someone who understands this is a very good thing. So I guess I will miss him alot during these three years but knowing there is an end in sight is more than anything else right now. I have had opportunities for more dates from here but seriously in the past month or so when I have taken them up on it, I always feel it's not right so that is telling me that S is right...I know three years sounds like alot of time, but the things we can do and the time we spend is more special and we truly will be taking it slow but in the long run I think this is a good thing!

So hopefully tomorrow it won't rain and I can cut my jungle of a lawn and get some flowers transplanted, other than that it appears it will be a low key weekend, which is not such a bad thing......

What is that in the sky????

2009-05-08T05:15:00.002-05:00

Could it be a plane, rocket, alien spaceship? No, I believe I woke up today and when I looked outside I saw the SUN. Oh glorious sun I know you were up there, just not apparent to us. The news last night said we have had 9 straight days of rain. Talk about some soggy weather! I for one am glad to see the sun, I need it in my life....I know some are perfectly happy to have gray, rainy days but me, I need the warmth and glow the closest star to us emits!

It's Friday, for that too I am grateful, although today proves to be yet another rough day at work, we have two major meetings and I woke with a wee bit of a headache so I hope that it disappates prior to me having to be in there so I may think clearly. There is alot of changes going on at work, when I say alot, I mean ALOT, I think we are in jeopardy if not need to do our best right now, it's good changes but so much all at once is alot to remember and digest sometimes.

I am hoping for a drier weekend, I need to cut the grass. It's getting way to high, my backyard looks like a jungle and the water is lying so I know that will be a challenge. I want to plant some flowers and would love to pickup some baskets or something to spruce up the yard a bit!

S is coming soon, we talked about it last night. I am excited as always to see him...until then.....I am going to enjoy my weekend.

Today was just as challenging as yesterday

2009-05-06T19:34:00.002-05:00

I just hope the doom and gloom that is my life lifts soon. I really am not liking the person I have been the past few days. What has brought this on, probably quite a few things, like the ex in town and driving me nuts; work being absolutely ridiculous about some things and then when in meeting after meeting they can't understand why nothing is getting done; the weather (enough said on that one); my emotional well being with my son right (but that will change once the ex is gone); the weather (ok the lack of sun is really getting me down); my finances; ok the list goes on and on and of course I could write a novel 400+ pages on this but I am going to stop right now.

So I went and got some artificial sun tonight (tanning), I talked to S shortly (there is another story behind that one), I made a great dinner for me the boy and his gf, and I finished the laundry that was building up. I want to have a drink and there is none in the house, so that is a VERY good thing right now because I'm too lazy to go out for one!!

I need to find some things around the house to distract me, again I'm thinking I should move out of this pot known as my home because it sux all the extra money I save just to keep up with it, but not sure that would cure my financial situation. I want a vacation (ok I know I had quite a few this year already) and I need some change in my life, something to look forward to again...

So with that I'm off to figure out some things and ponder my life, or read a book and fall asleep which ever comes first! HA HA

Will we ever see the sun again...........

2009-05-06T05:16:00.002-05:00

I believe there is a sunny, bright globe in the sky that represents warmth and well Vitamin D. I miss it, I have not seen it here in the NE since before my weekend away :( and I don't think I will be seeing it until well Sunday...gah

I just get so sick of the clouds and rain and gray, maybe it's time to think AZ or NM? Somewhere dry and hot and well sunny......

So off for another day of gray clouds and the beginning of yet another chapter of my life, how do I feel......

like a 150 lb weight is lifted off from around my neck..............and that had nothing to do with the surgery

Weekend and a start of a trying week

2009-05-05T18:22:00.002-05:00

The weekend was good when I finally got moving in a forward destination. My plane was delayed 3 1/2 hours on Friday which led to a dinner cancellation and one very tired and worn out girl upon arrival. Luckily we found Chili's open and had a quick bite to eat at 11:30 pm, I was exhausted. I slept in on Saturday morning as we were only venturing down to Fort Worth for the day, so it was a lazy get ready when I feel like moving type of day. We had fun, although a huge thunderstorm came rolling in while we were there. That night we were able to get our dinner in and it was delicious!!!

Also, I got a chance to go to a new grocery store, Central Market. Oh how I wish there were some of these up here! I was like a kid in a candy store in there, it was absolutely amazing. I can't wait for my next trip down to visit again!!

Came home on time but to be awoken early in the morning on Monday with a mind bending migraine. I believe this is my third that has required me out of work for a day so the next one will require a call to the doctor for a med check on that one. Back to work today and a not so friendly visit to court to followup on my petition for full custody, it was a good news/bad news type of day. Good news - custody awarded Bad news - all back child support owed was dropped FOREVER! I knew not to count on it but geez.

So the ex came up for this grand event, he agreed in front of the judge to relinquish all rights, what type of person does this and the better question at this point is how could I have ever been married to this type of person. It makes me sad to realize that I never really knew what he was capable of. Amazingly so, it's a relief to be rid of him once and for all.....so another emotional trying day and a new beginning again for me.

I think this will be last till I return....

2009-04-29T20:17:00.003-05:00

I am leaving Friday afternoon, flying to the land of the unknown (TX) ok ha ha, so the swine flu is deep there and I don't want to be ha ha after I return so wish me well. There is alot on our agenda this weekend. I believe there is a turning point based on a few items that were stated last weekend, where and how does that make me feel or leave me, well unsure. So, with the premise of this being a great suprise weekend of celebrating two birthdays it may turn into something else entirely. Let's just say I hope that is not the case. Anyhow there have been quite a few past bf's calling/texting/emailing lately. Ok the stars are aligned and the writing is on the wall people but geez, are these my fair weather friends or is there something more there. I can't think of any of them other than friends at this point so we'll see. Of course there is ONE, the ONE who stole my heart and made me feel like no one else last year, we had a nice long chat tonight again. This time it went into forbidden ground, it was time to go there (we've been talking platonically for a few weeks) and well there are now a lot more unresolved things between us, ok is there an us, because I'm not sure, but anyhow the soap world of my life continues. Some days I love the attention (because god knows I never got it before) but I totally relate to the popular, pretty girl now, it's not always a good time either....so lesson learned fat or small life isn't always what you want it to be!!!!!

Went out with my girls last night, oh what fun and they make me laugh so much....of course they always try to turn the focus of conversation on my life, but I killed that quickly....and yes I still love them all and we had a blast!!!

Tomorrow is packing, laundry and I am dont' even know what we are doing this weekend packing....ok did I say I have to pack, because geez without knowing what is going on (it's a surprise now for me) I have no friggin clue what to pack.....

So lovelies out there and of course the gents I will see you Monday, maybe Tuesday...enjoy this weekend as I am sure I will no matter what!!!!

Tuesdays

2009-04-28T05:26:00.003-05:00

Boy it's been a few days since I've been here, the weekend was glorious although we hopped right into summer with 90+ degree weather since Friday! I'm not complaining and was able to get quite a lot done at the home and still have fun and play. Sunday night M and I went on a date, what a disaster that was. I'm sure that will not be repeated. Friday I fly out again, can't wait and we have a bday celebration weekend planned. Suprises in store for him!

I'm exercising again steadily, I'm very excited about that. Also, eating is going well, grazing is being cut back to a minimum and keep the junk at bay. Spring and summer I find this to be easy to do and winter (well not so much).

I have alot to finish for today to leave on time, hopefully tonight I'll be back with more

Can you spell R-E-L-I-E-F

2009-04-23T18:37:00.001-05:00

I can and it wasn't the most convention or practical way of happening. I had murmurred in the office to a few of my gal pals that I was having issues in this area. Well next thing I know I am being whisked away to the tasting room, they had made me a yummy concoction of some things I love and some I don't care for so much. So being the wonderful place where I work, I got some samples if you will. They were all so delicious and I was official taste tester of some of our newest drink menu items today :) Anyhow, about a hour or so later, viola....JACKPOT!!! My girls do know how to get the goods moving when things need moving. I feel like I weigh 15 lb less, that is how bad it was....so kudos to my girls at work for once again hooking me up with a sure thing!!! Oh and the new drinks....they are the bomb!!! lol

UGH

2009-04-22T19:41:00.001-05:00

Can I say this, I still feel horrible....I am trying all forms of help and nothing so far is helping.

I'm starting to think drastic measures are in store for me!!!

I have a horrible rumbling in my tummy and it is ending there...I will spare you all my gruesome adventures...wish me well...I need some relief!

and NOW!!!

Uncomfortable

2009-04-21T18:48:00.002-05:00

That is how I have been feeling lately in my work pants. The band is tight and the scale has not budged...so WTF is going on!!! I'm exasperated, also constipated, so I positive this has something to do with it, but seriously folks, I look like I'm newly pg. GAH even the written word of that made me shudder.

So I have been taking things, to try and force the bowel movement, the one I NEED so desparately and then to see what the hell I need to do to get the waist going the right way! Which obviously right now is not happening. I have been doing my yoga religiously 3 or 4 times a week, I've added back in the weights portion of workouts on opposite days and the stupid stomach crunches on the ball! I'm weak in my right arm after the disaster (I mean) fall I took in Dec. My right wrist was actually cracked almost in two and I let it heal that way so the doc said let's leave it...me I'm not happy that I am having troubles lifting a 10lb weight with it. Geez I am glad I am not at the gym where everyone would see the girl struggling to hold the stupid dumbbell.....

I have been journaling my eating too. I'm not kidding I'm sick of this pudge or tire around my middle, I mean c'mon this winter was cold but I was not THAT inactive! I know something needs to change and quick...of course that is better said than done at this point of the game. I just do not want to see the scale start creeping up. I have had two nightmares in the past few weeks about this also. I've actually jumped up out of bed and had to run to the mirror in the middle of the night to make sure I did not gain weight (Otherwise known as my former self) how pathetic is that! My heart would be racing and once I even had sweat on my brow. I think I'm truly loosing it! If I am not, I should be. I think that since losing, I've developed this sort of adversity to gain and fat people. How sad is that, I was one of them for most of my adult life, I'm no beauty queen, skinny mini or rockstar but I have worked so hard to get to where I am, I'm terrified (especially when I read of those who returned) of being FAT again!

Ok, there I've said it, it's out. Do I feel better, NO. I will probably have the nightmare again tonight!

I've also done a stellar job of staying away from the booze, no easy feat when you are out in the public with drinks so readily (and being peddled) to you at every turn. I mean, c'mon what is wrong with society, there was actually a few times in SA when they were appalled I did NOT order a cocktail, um it's 8am I want coffee! Plus work, I mean I surrounded by lots of favorites each day, it's so easy to go in the back and get a bottle to take home. So anyhow back to me, yes, I've been good, I need to learn how to moderate, which is something I was getting away from horribly, but it's seems to be in control for now, we'll see how long this lasts..lol

I am 29 months out from surgery this month, actually as of yesterday. I've maintained the weight loss that I have achieved, no easy feat in itself, but man those demons are rearing their ugly heads....

A great weekend

2009-04-20T05:36:00.006-05:00

Spent the weekend down at the beach....yes with no regard for my eating, but pleasantly (and obviously still surprised) when the scale reports no gain.

Here are a few snaps, it's was almost 80 and well the wind cooperated being off the land not the ocean, so it was glorious! Here is the youngest and his gf.....nice kids! lol

Yes, people ventured out onto the beach, in fact the beach was packed with sunbathers, and a few brave ones got into the water, I bet it's about 50 degrees....brrr

As for me, well shorts and a tshirt were fine for the weather, I did get quite a bit sun and of course was not thinking about it, so I am red...

Today, rain and chilly back in the 50's......

no regard

2009-04-19T18:38:00.002-05:00

I will have to say that I have no regard to my GBS this weekend. I have eaten what I want when I want. The results. Well for me the eating is not too good, I can not eat what I want after GBS... I am one of those who dump at the slightest bit of higher sugars. In a way that is a wonderful thing. On the flip side...I can drink, as in alcholic beverages whatever I want... No matter how sugary sweet they are fine....WTF is all I can say. I have made my life of well let's say he finest boubons, scotches and irish whiskies, because hey that is what I love....and they are fine with me....but more than fine, they are way to fine and easy to go in an stay down. So no more beers (alseep 3 sips) and well I am not much of a vodka or fluffy drinker so.....I guess what I love is there. Can I say it's the best for me. Ok, I am sure the answer is NOT!!! and a resounding NO at that but it works, it's me and beyond the fabulous seafood dinner I had before leaving the beach it's all me!!! lol

another busy weekend

2009-04-19T18:07:00.002-05:00

The weekends are starting to feel like my weeks. Being the good daughter I am, we (me and son and gf) went down to the shore on Friday night after I got some things done here at home. I cut the grass,we had dinner and off we went. Sat, a fun filled day of removing branches from four big trees that were cut down, followed but a much more fun at the shore with the kids roaming the shops while I sat out in the sun. Well what I didnt' realize is the sun was pretty strong that day, so I was pretty well toasted, considering I'm fair skinned. I had a good time, listening to the waves lap at the shore then the long ok so long drive home. The kids watched a movie and Matt and I met up originally for Ritas...but ended up having Vinnies pizza....it was a short date, but damn he's hot....lol ok enough of that..

I am off to surprise S on the 1st of May, a big surprise I'm flying down for ourbirthday's since they are only a week apart, and well I didn't feel right leaving the kids on mother's day weekend, even though they leave me all the time now :( The part of them getting older that I am not quite getting used to anyhow....I am excited and wondering what our future holds for us. We've been talking a bit about and maybe there will be changes for me....who knows. I do like him alot and it's been like forever, I wathnt to find the one who will give me the happily forever after...I hope that maybe he is it......and we are just living in different states. we'll see.

Anyhow, the weekend is over, rain is back and cold weather, I for one hate the northeast and how the weather changes so quick from nice to blah....so......don't say I didn't tell you so if you visit this time of year!

Birthdays and other assorted things

2009-04-17T19:04:00.002-05:00

This weekend we are beach bound, the boy, dog and myself. I can't wait, the weather has broken and it's going to be an excellent weekend to hang at the shore.

Two weeks from tonight I will be celebrating some bday's with my guy. So the cards are starting to fall, we are really happy together and there is talk of me moving!! YIKES!!! TX is a big state when I live in the second smallest...

I got my first pedicure of the season....gosh my toes feel like heaven on earth!! lol

The boy is bringing a gf to the beach!! geez my baby is growing up...yes this is the youngest.

I am busy at work, and they are hinting around to see if I will be leaving soon? I guess all the trips to TX are adding up to a move for me, well that may be true, I'll know more after the next trip. While I love my life here it is stagnant....devoid of meaning and depth so maybe it will happen, who knows.

I have had a few dates up here but each time I go out I feel guilty, because I want it to be S...so I guess what Janine said is true...when am I moving to TX...lol I guess only time will tell...

Until then I am going to enjoy the weekend and have a drink with my new neighbor....and then off to the beach we are tomorrow!!

Enjoy

Friday

2009-04-17T05:22:00.002-05:00

The weekend is here the weather is breaking and getting warmer! I have tons of yard work to get to this weekend but also want to get to the shore for a few hours or overnight if my mom is going to be down there. I am glad I made it through another winter (brrrr) and things are looking up.

I am going to have a low key visit this time, just hanging out and celebrating our birthday's. I'm glad I am able to pull it off although it isn't quite the surprise I had intended...so now my next trick is to get something else to be a suprise...more to come on that one!

Work is crazy busy, as usual. I am growing my dept by leaps and bounds each week and we are becoming, well more efficient I guess would be a good description of it! We have a new girl in our group and she is great, amazing that she is able to accomplish what the other did andway more without any complaining..lol

So I'm off to get ready for work and enjoy yet another pretty day!

Thursday

2009-04-16T20:54:00.001-05:00

I am musing....next month is both S and mine birthday....I was trying to find a great way to go down there and suprise him, but I could not think of any....so I made some plans (held my breath) and yes there were welcomed with open arms...we will spend the days between our bdays together!!! Do you see what I see????

Ok so I putting this out there....

2009-04-16T20:46:00.001-05:00

I am traveling.....

alot this year....and mostly to TX so if I am in your neighborhood, I would so love to meet you in real life.....

Tell me what you think or if you live there.....

The longest week of my life.

2009-04-15T19:27:00.005-05:00

Gah....it's about how I feel right now...work - too busy

life - too busy

me - too tired

anyhow...more pics from the trip a few ....

and who wouldn't want to have coffee and view this every morning!!!

Another wonderful weekend

2009-04-14T19:03:00.003-05:00

What can I say, I love to travel see the new sites and absorb all that is out there for me. We had a fantastic weekend. More than fantastic but I just cannot sum up the words to make it all real. I did so much, aquarium/museum of art (king tut exhibit) in dallas then off to San Antonio. We stayed in the heart of the riverwalk area.. beautiful is beyond my wildest expectations. When I first stepped out onto the riverwalk and took it all in it literally took my breath away. I have always heard it is one of the most beautiful spots to visit in the US but this is truly one of the most beautiful spots I have ever seen. We had great food, met alot of great people and had a great time. Of course as always it came to a quick end and our next excursion is stated, San Francisco/Napa Valley, the plans are in the works but nothing is definite yet. We both agreed with his mom being sick we would nix our Paris plans for our

bday till next year just in case. So we leave you with a few shots of SA it was wonderful.....

There is more out to there to see.....just ask.....

I'm home

2009-04-14T01:10:00.001-05:00

I'm tired, it was so much fun and yes I have to work in like 6 hours so good night and there are lots of pictures to share, of course if you are my facebook friend you will see more than what I publish here!!

Bad blogger and the long weekend

2009-04-10T04:41:00.001-05:00

I have been so busy no time to blog. Even though we were let out early from work after all the last minute errands that had to be done I didn't pull in the drive until 8:30 and still had all the packing and organizing to do. The plane leaves in 2 hours and I have to finish getting ready and up to the airport. I am very, very excited to go see S....after flying into Dallas, he and I will be driving down to San Antonio tomorrow for the weekend. Sea World, the Riverwalk, the Alamo - here I come. I have my camera charged and ready to go! See everyone next week I am back late Tuesday night!!

Happy Easter, Passover or whatever you are celebrating this long weekend!

Enjoy

How a song can bring on thousand memories.....

2009-04-07T19:56:00.002-05:00

I was listening to the radio tonight as I blogged. My usual, but a Chris Cornell song came on and it always floods me with a thousand memories of when my marriage starting going on the rocks, there was another man, although I would NEVER allow myself or him the knowledge that I was stirred by his affection or just the plain old fact that he paid attention to me. Of course this all came years pre-op. I was a girl, just a plain old girl at 300 lb who was invisible to the masses in general. She trolled through the days at work and the nights at the stores or whereever she roamed and no one really ever paid any attention to her. Sure she did a great job at work and took care of her boys and her then husband, but things were not always great. It's no big suprise that this divorce become an official document and that she wound up being a single mom....but a wow still to this day how one song can bring on a thousand memories of a time..........

Long forgotten!

The week is escaping me...........

2009-04-07T19:06:00.004-05:00

we are so busy at work, it's not even within my scope of reason right now. Should I complain!! NO never because I have a great job, secure and busy. But sometimes I really feel like it drains me completely....

I have a full weekend of travel and then more travel with S this weekend. I am looking forward to this more than anything I have in a few weeks. Ok, so since he's been here. I am starting to figure out that this long distance relationship is allowing me the freedom to be me and then be "us" and I like the "us" when we are together. We really do click, we have such fun and enjoy each other's company 100% and then some. It is amazing to me that he isn't sick and tired of me and how I can be or whatever...but it's great and I am totally enjoying it. So Friday this week, which is approaching quickly, is a big travel day with a bit of down time once I get there.

On the exercise, I've been diligent, and getting some form in every day. I have even managed to drop about 5 lb....I did weigh, which I rarely do anymore, but I was feeling a bit snug in the waist of the jeans I wore this weekend, so I cut out lots and lots of carbs that I have figured out I was consuming and viola....the lbs are melting away...It still amazes me that I just have to be diligent and watch what I eat, because I truly do not get enough at any sitting for me to overeat, but a few wrong choices and bam!!

I know I wrote the other day that sometimes I feel like I am not living my life, but what I have become to realize that my life is not the same as it once was. I was stuck in the rut of thinking that things should be a certain way and me, I'm not like that so...when I started making those subtle changes, as they built I found that I was living my life, of course it's not the same life as I was used to but the one that is ME...I found this in hindsight to be profound. It still amazes me that I am developing into my personality, the ME, not the We or the US although there is nothing wrong with this, but it just isn't who I am at the current moment. I smiled too because this means, I'm there....I am at the place where I love and respect me enough to start sharing that with others....oh and I am so glad...

Wii

2009-04-06T19:17:00.001-05:00

The boys have been requesting lately that I purchase yet another game system, the Wii. While I would love to have the Wii fit, I will secretly never tell them this. So my oldest approached me once again, via text message. I would love to have the Wii and get a Wii Fit, mom I know you would love to use it also. So I did some careful research on the net today, and while, yes I would love to have a Wii, I'm not ready to shell the out the cash investment for yet another game system in this house. Will I really love the Wii Fit as everyone raves, I do love to workout, do the yoga and get my body in whatever shape it feels is best! But seriously, we have quite a few game systems now! Probably everyone on the market! So I made my son a proposition, if I buy the Wii, he has the purchase at the same time and place the Wii fit, that way they will get their system and I get my Wii fit!! ingenous, probably not, but now he has to think about it! lol